Pins and Needles
Chapter 14: The Only Thing We Have to Fear
When Hermione awoke the next morning, she was somewhat surprised to find herself alone in bed. Only a few moments later though she discovered a red rose and a note lying on her bedside table. Smiling to herself, she took the rose to smell it. Who would have thought that Minerva McGonagall was such a romantic at heart? The note read 'I apologise for not being here. I did not want to risk disturbing you. See you at breakfast. Love, Minerva.'
Grabbing both items, she headed over to her room – or rather, her stuff's room, she thought with another smile. She tucked the note away and with just a tiny bit of magic her toothbrush tumbler made for an excellent vase to put the flower in. After a quick shower she went downstairs. Even though she was anything but an early riser, given the time of the year and their whereabouts she was used to getting up while it was still dark. Only when she reached the downstairs hallway and caught a glimpse of the wall clock above the entrance, did she realise that she had awoken much earlier than usual.
Even if she had not known that Minerva was likely to be in the kitchen at this time of the day, the loud clatter she heard would have been a dead giveaway. This still left the question of what on earth the woman was up to. Hermione had been living in the manor for several months now, but she had yet to see the interior of most of the kitchen cupboards aside from the ones housing cups, glasses and plates. Pausing inside the kitchen doorway, she gave herself a chance to enjoy the spectacle of Minerva completely emptying out one of the lower cupboards. Only when Minerva made a small noise of triumph before straightening up and putting a cast iron pan on the stove was she discovered.
"Enjoying the view?"
"Quite." Hermione grinned. "Nice … pants." She enjoyed the small blush that crept up Minerva's cheeks for a moment. "What are you up to?"
Minerved turned toward an old and obviously much used book lying on the counter. "I dug out my grandmother's cookbook. Pancakes?" At Hermione's nod she started skimming the recipe while flicking her wand to summon the ingredients. "I will have to remember to tell Deely I plundered the pantry or she will kill me," she murmured.
"Can I help?" Hermione asked.
"Honestly? Not distracting me while I measure things out, would probably be wise."
She smiled sheepishly, which Hermione found to be beyond endearing. Taking her usual seat at the counter she proceeded to watch in silence until Minerva had finished the preparations before commenting, "I have witnessed students in Potion classes be less thorough."
"It would appear that I have misjudged Severus when he kept complaining about the ineptitude of his students."
"You're not the only one to have misjudged him." They shared sad smiles before Hermione asked, "Do you miss him?"
Minerva turned towards the cabinets again, rummaging around until she had produced two big bowls, a sieve and a fork. Only when she had returned to the counter did she answer, "Yes, actually." She started sifting the dry ingredients, but stopped to look up again moments later. "He was fun."
Hermione raised an eyebrow, not bothering to hide her surprise. "Fun?"
Minerva shrugged, "Not for the students, I would venture. But I have never met a better partner for verbal sparring." Having filled the bowl she then proceeded to whisk milk and eggs together in the second bowl.
Her somewhat clumsy movements were in stark contrast to the effortless elegance Hermione usually associated with her. Voicing her rising suspicion, she asked, "Have you ever done this before?"
Minerva shot her a look that left no doubt to the fact that she had not succeeded in hiding her amusement, before answering, "I am a woman of many mysteries."
Hopping down from her stool, Hermione rounded the counter and placed a hand on Minerva's to make her stop whisking. Gently turning the other woman to face her she then kissed her soundly before leaning back onto the counter and grinning widely.
"What was that all about?" Minerva asked. "Not that I mind."
"Making pancakes just for me."
Returning the grin for a moment, Minerva quipped, "Well, they are not just for you. I do intend to have some as well." She turned back towards the bowl and continued whisking before noting, "You are up early."
"I guess I was feeling lonely." Her soft smile took away any sting the words themselves might have contained. She went on, "You must have been up really early as well. Trouble sleeping?"
A shrug being her only answer, Minerva started to mix everything together before heating up the pan. Looking over to Hermione, who had been observing her quietly, she said, "Could you make coffee, please?"
"Sure." By now, Hermione had observed Minerva's coffee making ritual often enough that she felt she could do it in her sleep in spite of never actually having performed it herself. Knowing from experience that the most crucial part in making pancakes was the actual baking process, she also made sure to keep an eye on Minerva's progress. After ruining the first one and swearing under her breath, Minerva simply cast aside the spatula and relied on Wingardium Leviosa to do the flipping, which proved to be a successful strategy. Smiling to herself, Hermione still could not shake off the feeling that whatever had kept Minerva from sleeping had not been thoughts of rainbows and unicorns.
When they finally had sat down with everything and started eating, Hermione savoured the pancakes, which were delicious indeed, for only a few bites, before inquiring, "Will you tell me what's bothering you?"
"Nothing."
Hermione just met Minerva's eyes, knowing there was no need for words to convey her disbelief.
After two more bites, Minerva let out a resigned sigh. "Not bothering exactly. Just … something I would like to make sure of. But do not know how to ask without risking offending you."
"Just ask." Hermione reached over to gently touch the other woman's hand. "It's okay. Whatever it is, let's just get it off your mind."
"Alright." Minerva reached for her coffee again, apparently deeming it some kind of resolve potion. "Are you sure you are physically attracted to me?"
Hermione felt relief the instant she heard the words. That was an easy one. "Absolutely sure," she said.
The answer had been swift and firm and yet Minerva did not seem convinced. "I know you care for me–"
"Really now?" Hermione had raised both eyebrows at her in yet another silent challenge.
"I am sorry. It will take some getting used to. Let me try again. I know you love me, but are you sure of the … nature of the attraction that you are feeling?" She returned her attention to her food again.
"Minerva." Hermione waited until her eyes were met before continuing, "I don't claim to have vast amounts of experience, but I have kissed before. And believe me, I am sure. Not because it feels the same, but because it feels so much better."
Minerva gave her a mirthless smile. "I am happy to hear I outcompete Mr. Weasley at the very least."
Letting out a sigh, Hermione barely managed to keep herself from rolling her eyes. "That's not what I meant and you know it." She took a moment, trying to come up with the right words. "It's not just better. It's–," she broke off again, racking her brain for a fitting description. Finally resigning herself to the fact that anything she managed to come up with was going to be poor and inadequate, she forced herself to stumble onwards, hoping for the best.
"It's like it wasn't even the same thing in the first place. Like comparing …" Her voice trailed off again. Taking another sip of coffee, she closed her eyes and let her mind wander in search of a fitting analogy. Images from the experiences they had shared in the last few months flashed before her inner eye and suddenly she felt herself smile. Looking at Minerva again, she continued, "It's like comparing a puddle to the ocean. They're both bodies of water and yet the ocean is infinitely more … well, more."
Minerva's smile had turned into one of wonder. "I am an ocean?"
"Well, you certainly are deep and awe-inspiring. You've been keeping me afloat and helping me reach new shores. I am sure I could spend all of my life exploring and never discover all of you." She grinned. "As metaphors go I could have done a lot worse."
Looking at Minerva, she realised her bout of poetry had rendered the other woman speechless. More than willing to give her time to process, Hermione squeezed the hand she still was holding for emphasis, before continuing on a lighter note, "Now stop doubting me. Because at some point I will start taking offence."
Taking the hint, Minerva answered, "I simply cannot fathom what would ever attract you to someone like me."
Hermione grinned. "You're the one who suggested taking things slowly. Because I can assure you there is more tangible evidence …" She let the sentence trail off, enjoying the blush her words conjured up.
Shaking her head slightly in disbelief, Minerva was wise enough not to pursue the matter any further. "I believe you." With another shrug, she added, "Even though it will remain a mystery."
They continued eating in silence for a bit, simply enjoying the treat, before Hermione suddenly spoke up again. "You're beautiful."
Startled by the sudden comment, it took Minerva a moment to react. Smiling warmly at the compliment, she nevertheless objected, "I am as beautiful as you are blind, my dear."
"And yet you claim to always be right. Way to shatter my illusions, Minerva," Hermione quipped, returning the smile. Grateful for the more relaxed atmosphere she started to dig in again with renewed appetite. Finally having cleared her plate, she leaned back again, cradling her coffee cup. After a few more moments of silence, she said, "Please don't ever be afraid to ask. I am so unbelievably scared of fucking things up." She noticed Minerva's eyebrows shooting up at her uncharacteristically crude choice of words and shrugged. "No pun intended. Any second-guessing we can avoid is a good thing in my book."
Minerva nodded her acceptance. Taking the time to finish her coffee first, she then added, "That goes both ways, you know," with a meaningful look.
"Point taken." Just a little while ago Hermione would have baulked at being read so easily – by anyone – but now she found herself treasuring their intimacy. Nevertheless, she found the issue that had been occupying a part of her mind ever since waking up difficult to voice. "I, um … the spell," she stuttered and gestured at the sigil on her arm before continuing, "It made me part of your family. Doesn't that make it weird for us to … well–"
Her struggle to find the right words was cut short by Minerva breaking into laughter. "I am sorry." Mirroring Hermione's earlier gesture, she reached over the table to gently touch Hermione's hand. "Really, I am. You did catch me by surprise. With everything that is ... unconventional about us, that is what you are worried about?"
Hermione grinned somewhat sheepishly. "I'm multitasking, actually."
"Well, that is one thing where I can put your mind at ease. 'Family' is maybe not the best term to use in regard to that spell. Something like 'clan' would have been more accurate. That spell did not make you a close relation. Think of it more like a distant cousin."
Even though she knew her worries were somewhat silly in the first place, Hermione still felt relieved at hearing the words.
Pondering the matter a bit longer, Minerva suddenly chuckled, before elaborating, "I could also mention that the people who actually used that spell would not have been ones to scorn much closer relations as long as they considered them worthy."
Hermione made a face. "I wouldn't consider them role models, so not as helpful as you might think."
Minerva conceded the point with a shrug before turning serious again. "But really, it is just a spell." She smiled ruefully. "It is unlikely to end up being our biggest obstacle even if more people knew about it."
Meeting her eyes, Hermione's smile left her lips, all thoughts of banter having left her. She finished her coffee as well, before asking, "Are you scared?"
"Shitless," Minerva answered without a second's hesitation. Noting Hermione's slightly shocked look, she went on, "Just trying to match your style, young lady," managing to crack another smile despite the sombre mood. "I mean it though. I am scared. Like hell. But I will be damned if I let that dictate my actions. I lost my first love to fear. And I will not let it happen again." She gave Hermione a pointed look. "Not if there is anything I can do about it."
Reaching over to take Minerva's hand once again, Hermione said, "There's got to be a reason we didn't end up in Ravenclaw, don't you think?"
"Indeed." Squeezing Hermione's hand in affirmation, Minerva got up. "Now, I am afraid you will have to excuse me. I promised a certain someone to take them out to 'not dinner' and I need to make some preparations."
Hermione got up as well, not bothering to hide her excitement. "Are we talking about tonight?"
"We will have to wait and see. Contrary to popular opinion I am not omnipotent."
"Maybe not, but you certainly are mysterious."
"I am an ocean, remember?" Minerva answered with a wink before pecking Hermione good-bye.
Notes:
In case you were wondering, I actually did look up a recipe for Scotch Pancakes. I haven't actually tried them myself so far, but I'm looking forward to doing so.
The chapter title is based on a quote from Franklin D. Roosevelt's first inaugural speech, namely "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself".
Also, a heads-up: You might have noticed my posting pace has slowed down a lot. That is because there are only two chapters left (after this one) that I have written so far. At that point we'll have caught up with AO3 and you'll just have to wait for the next update with everyone else. And, I'm sorry to say, I'm a really slow writer. So, no promises concerning waiting times.
Hope you enjoyed this one! Feel free to let me know ;)
