Summary: He had thought he had known what heartbreak was. And apparently he still didn't.
Momiji was no stranger to pain.
His life, to be quite frank, actually consisted of it. And he wasn't sulking or being negative, it was just his reality. He had learned a long time ago to live with it, having experienced his first heartbreak from the person he had most unexpected, someone he wished would have fought for him in spite of her fear of what he turned into. It was unfathomable how a mother could so readily abandon her son… but she did, and he had to live with it.
Momiji wouldn't allow the pain to swallow him. He was better than her and he would be damned if he allowed the pain to turn him into someone he was not.
At least, that was the plan.
He had thought he had known what heartbreak was. And apparently he still didn't, as evidenced of what was happening right now. He had to admit, he sometimes felt the indescribable urge to rage at the gods. At Buddha. At whoever was controlling the entire universe. Why do you always have to choose me? He wanted to yell out. What the hell did I do? Why do you always have to put me through this? Isn't it enough that I had to look at everyone I loved from afar?
It seemed that it wasn't enough that he had to lose his family – he also had to give up the woman he loved.
Tohru was crying, even as Kyo embraced her as they finally had a good conversation and he probably stopped being a dummkopf and finally admitted what he felt for her and he didn't turn into a cat and he realized that was probably the curse finally breaking – he also realized she was smiling. Smiling while crying.
She was happy.
He hadn't meant to be watching them from a distance while they talked, but he wanted to check on her on the day she will be discharged. He was an idiot for failing to account for the possibility that this will be the day the idiotic cat will show up.
Momiji had known this day would be coming – it was why he had provoked Kyo some time ago – for the neko-baka to stop dragging his feet and man the hell up. He had known Tohru wouldn't be as happy with him, even if he loved her to the ends of the earth and was willing to do everything to make her smile.
He was preparing himself for the pain, but gottverdammt it wasn't enough. No amount of psyching himself in moving on from her had desensitized him for this moment.
Well, he thought to himself, allowing a bitter smile to form on his lips, what was it that they say about first love? Ah. First love never works out.
And yet looking at her smiling while crying as she and Kyo embraced for how long they could get, he thought it was enough. It would be enough. After all, they say loving someone means being happy when they were happy – even if it wasn't by their side.
So give me this. Allow me to grieve. Allow me to cry. He turned and walked away from the happy couple.
I will grieve. I will probably throw a noteworthy tantrum.
And then…
And then I'm letting her go. For real.
Goddammit this was painful to write. God, Momiji. I feel for you so much.
