Olivia left the room to get some air. She knew he followed before turning around. After all these years, she still had a sixth sense for where his body was in relation to hers. Back then, it mattered. It kept them safe.
"Hey," she didn't turn, and waited for him to fall in step beside her.
"Hey," he replied. "You okay?"
She sighed, "Yeah. Long day." She leaned into the wall, the cool stonework chilled her through her light jacket.
He mirrored her, turning to face her and leaning against the same wall. "Long, but good?"
"I know it should be," she rested her head against the wall, "He's going to prison, likely for the rest of his life, but I hate that the other cases were dropped so we could prosecute this one." She shook her head, "I've done this long enough to accept that prosecuting the one can be the only way to get justice for anyone, but it bothers me. All the women whose voices never get heard matter too." She shrugged, "It shouldn't bother me but it does."
He dropped his hand on her shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. She tried not to over analyze the calming effect his touch had on her. When she didn't recoil at his touch he slid his hand down the length of her arm, and grasped her hand. Again, his touch felt comforting. Natural even. Holding hands had become a level of physical intimacy she felt comfortable with, and Elliot took advantage any time he could.
She shivered slightly and goosebumps lined her arms. The night wasn't cold, but a slight chill in the air nipped at any exposed skin. Elliot ran both his hands up and down her upper arms in an attempt to warm her. "Do you need me to get your jacket?" She knew he'd offer his, but his long sleeve button up kept him warm enough and he had no coat to offer.
"No, no." She glanced over to the bustle of deceives celebrating their win. "I probably should get back in there," she knew her voice sounded less than convincing.
She watched his eyes carefully scan her face, and she knew he already read her reluctance. "Let's get out of here," he suggested.
"What?" His comment took her off guard.
He slid his hands back to hers and tilted his head towards the adjoining park, "Let's go for a walk," he smiled, "pretty sure everyone in there is getting to hammered to notice our absence."
"Probably," she agreed, returning his smile.
He kept her hand in his as he tugged in the direction of the walking path. Normally Olivia would be wary of walking through any park at night, but the full moon provided adequate lighting, and Elliot's grip on her hand provided the security she needed.
They walked in relative silence, neither of them interested in small talk, but both relishing the company of the other.
He stopped near a small pond. Olivia glanced over and was taken aback by the look on his face. It looked like adoration. It looked like vulnerability. It looked like love.
She wanted to avert her gaze, but some unknown magnetic force kept her transfixed on the blue eyes whose gaze steadily focused on her. He brought his hand to her face, and she voiced her habitual, "Elliot," in a tone that was warning and sad, but also wanting. Hee accompanying sigh did not sway him from the conversation he felt determined to start.
"Have you given much thought to what you want?" His attention dropped to their intertwined fingers. Her ran his thumb softly over her delicate knuckles.
It wasn't that she didn't know what she wanted. She knew what she wanted, better yet, she knew who she wanted. Still, she could never allow herself to have him. The risk was too great, and the threat of abandonment so real.
"I just can't," she felt her emotions creeping into her voice.
He continued to toy with her fingers before asking an all too familiar question, "Why not?"
She let out a long breath in an attempt to quell the anxiety this conversation induced. "Elliot," she began, "I'm not who I was. If you hang around long enough you'll figure out that I'm not what you want." Fear suddenly took the driver's seat. She removed her hand from his, and turned away. Damn these emotions. She was not going to cry in front of him. She had to at least try to maintain some level of dignity.
"Never." She heard him say, speaking to her back.
She turned, and he closed the space between them. His eyes tried to read hers as he pulled her into hug.
His breathy voice spoke into her hair, "Olivia, I have tried to move on for the better part of two decades. I left. I put an ocean between us. I still couldn't be without you." The sincerity in his voice sent chills through her whole body. "You are a part of me, and no matter how much I try you're a drug in my veins and I can't get you out. The past few years, I convinced myself over and over that you don't want me, and I've tried to let it go, let you go." He tilted her chin upwards so her brown eyes were forced to meet his,"I've told myself that I have broken us so irreparably and I needed to let you go but," his voice caught, "I can't."
Those pesky tears pricked at her eyes and she knew she couldn't hold them back any longer. She buried her face into his neck, not able to tolerate the intensity of his gaze. She held back the tears long enough to admit, "I want you." She snuggled into him further, her voice low and filled with emotion, "I want you so much it hurts. I want you so much I feel paralyzed, because," she sniffled, "the universe seems determined to keep happiness out of my hands." She summoned enough courage to lift her eyes back to his, "Losing something you never had is a hell of a lot less painful than losing something you always wanted, and finally had."
He tightened his arms around her, "And this is better? Loving each other from a distance? Never having it all, and only settling for a piece of what could be?" His lips brushed against her temple and she closed her eyes in response to the contact. "You deserve more than that, Liv." Another brush of his lips came across her cheek. "You deserve everything." His lips spoke impossibly close to the corner of her mouth. "Let me give you everything."
Her breathing felt tight, due to desire, not the usually uncontrollable anxiety. She felt powerless to refuse him, after all, he was all everything she ever wanted, and here he stood, offering her everything. How could she refuse?
She closed the infanticimal space between their lips. For a moment she stood frozen, assessing how she felt. To her surprise, she felt she wanted more. Her lips softened against his and his hands rose from her hips to her waist, tugging her closer. He kissed her gently, perfectly. But she wanted more.
She caught his bottom lip between hers and she felt his body respond. His hand slid up her back, feeling ever dip and contour before threading into her hair. She opened her mouth and he willingly deepened this beautiful, life altering kiss.
She wasn't sure where they'd go from here, but she suspected it would continue between the comfort of his sheets.
