Verity stood still, frozen on the spot. She blinked profusely, not entirely sure what she should say or how she should feel. She could feel Mark's hand on the small of her back running up and down, clearly trying to soothe her. She shook her head quickly as she saw that her father's eyes were hooded and red. He wasn't his usual clean-shaven self. He had stubble smattering his cheeks and his chin. His suit was pristine, as always, with his woollen winter coat hanging open around him. His hair was slicked back, but it looked slightly mussier than it usually did.
"No," Verity whispered. "She can't be…I don't understand…"
"She had cancer, Verity," he said to his daughter, tone matter-of-fact. "The doctors didn't find it until it was too late. There was nothing that they could do for her and your mother…she didn't want to let it take her. She didn't want to wait for things to get worse."
Verity's bottom lip wobbled and her hand shakily reached up to brush her hair behind her shoulder. She felt like she was going to throw up. Her stomach was churning and her arms were covered in goosebumps. She blindly reached a hand out to the side, searching for Mark. She took hold of him by the arm and he let her grip hold of him as he stood to the side of her, crowding her with his front pressed to her side.
"She…how?" Verity could only ask her father.
"She overdosed. She was on some pretty strong pain medication and she overdosed."
A small whimper left Verity's throat and Mark could only watch her. "I'm sorry," he whispered to her and she slipped an arm around his waist, holding onto him and feeling tears form in her eyes, blurring her vision.
"She tried to find you, you know?" John said to his daughter and Verity remembered how she had gone to Mark before Christmas. She had gone to him and tried to get him to persuade Verity to talk to her. "She went to your boyfriend over there. Did he tell you that?"
"Don't," Verity said, her voice croaking and almost breaking. "Don't put anything on Mark. He told me she'd tried to reach out and he told her to come to me. She never did. She never phoned…she never came over…"
"She was worried," John said, his voice terse and tight. Verity knew when her father was angry. She'd gotten pretty good at working out when he was going to snap at her when she was growing up. She'd done her best never to feel too hurt by him, but it was always difficult. He always made things personal too. "She was worried about how you'd react considering how you'd been before."
"I don't want to fight," Verity said to her father. "I just…I'm sorry. I'm sorry that she's gone and I just…I wish that things had been different. I really do wish that."
"You had the chance to make them different, Verity," John hissed at his daughter. "It was always in your hands. You could've come to her and apologised for how you'd treated her. You were a spoiled brat. You always have been a spoiled brat. We only tried to do our best by you and now your mother is gone. Your mother is dead and you…you can't accept any responsibility for any of your actions."
Verity could feel Mark move an arm around her waist and grip her tightly. He could tell that she was getting angry, but he wasn't going to intervene until he had to. He never liked to jump into Verity's arguments until he had to. He watched as she pointed at her father, nostrils flared and hot tears staining her cheeks. Her upper lip curled upwards and she tried to shout, but her voice kept breaking.
"I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted any of this to happen. I loved her. I loved her and I just…I was never good enough for either of you. I spent my entire childhood growing up knowing that I would never be good enough for either of you and I still wasn't. I know that I'm a disappointment in your eyes. I know that I'm a screw up. But I am still your daughter…and she was still my mother…I wanted to be enough for her. I wanted her to love me and be proud of me…but nothing I did would've made that happen."
John observed his daughter and Verity realised his cold, hard stare. He wasn't going to say anything. He just let her say her piece. Verity looked to Mark and she moved from his arm, but took hold of his hand. He realised that she wanted to go and he was more than happy to oblige. The two of them began to leave, but John had to have the final say. His voice was cold and calculating.
"What is there to be proud of exactly, Verity?" he asked from his daughter.
She froze for another moment and Mark heard her breath hitch. Her eyes scrunched shut tightly and she sobbed quietly. She didn't turn around. Instead, she just let Mark usher her out of the park and hold her hand the entire journey home.
…
"When she came to you…what did she say?"
Mark had poured Verity a small glass of scotch and she was sat on the sofa with it in her hands. Mark sat down next to her, arm going over the back of the sofa and she turned her head to the side to look at him. Mark just shrugged his shoulders at her.
"She just said that she wanted to try and talk to you," Mark said. "I mean, I said things that…I can't really remember…I just told her how I wasn't entirely sure if you would pick up if she called after everything that had happened. I tried to defend you from them. I told her that she should be proud of you and the woman you've become."
Verity's brows pinched together at hearing him. She cocked her head to the side and looked to him. She shifted slightly, her legs curled up beneath her. "Did she look sick?"
"No," Mark said. "She didn't look sick. I only spoke to her for about five minutes, Ver. I didn't spend a long time with her."
"I just…she's gone…and maybe I could've picked up the phone. Maybe I could've done something to make things right between us because right now I feel like a monster, Mark. I feel like the worst daughter and I don't know how to make that stop," she confessed to her fiancé. "And I hate that I feel that way. I hate that I feel like this…that I…I don't know how I really feel because she was my mother and I feel like I should be more upset. And that makes me feel even worse."
"Ver, sweetheart, come here," Mark encouraged from her and she set her glass down on the coffee table, moving closer to him and resting against his side. Her eyes closed as her head laid down on his shoulder and he lifted a hand up to brush her hair from her temple. He kissed her on the top of her head and kept on brushing a thumb against her forehead. "I know that you're confused. I know that you're upset…but the relationship you had with your parents is complicated. You're entitled to feel how you do. Your mother was a complex woman."
"I just wanted to be enough for them, Mark," Verity whispered. "I just never felt enough."
"You're more than enough," Mark promised her on that point. "Do you understand me? You're more than enough."
…
The day of the funeral came around and Mark stood in front of the mirror, adjusting his black tie against his white shirt. Verity was tugging on a black long sleeved, knee-length dress. She'd pulled her hair into a bun at the nape of her neck, some strands having fallen loose and framing her face. He watched her shimmy into her stockings as she sat at the end of the bed, pulling them up and under her dress. Mark knew that the day was going to be torture, but they would get through it and come home and everything would be fine. Verity had warned him advance that there were likely to be people there who she wouldn't get along with.
"Are you ready?" Mark asked from her.
"I think so," Verity said with a solemn nod.
The drive to the church was quiet. The radio hummed in the background, but neither of them were really paying attention to it. Mark parked the car the furthest away from the church considering the car park was already full. Climbing out of the car, Verity saw the people were already stood around in the churchyard. The clouds were grey and threatened rain, casting shadows over the gravestones. Her father hadn't been in touch since he'd broken the news to her. Instead, she'd found out from Janet the date of the funeral.
Her friend and husband were already there. They'd left Billy at home with Janet's parents. Robert was wearing an expensive black suit and Janet was in a black skirt and shirt with her black coat over it. Mark kept hold of Verity's hand as they approached the two of them. He knew that people were watching them as they walked by, no doubt whispering about the pair of them.
"Hey, sweetie," Janet cooed when she saw Verity. "How're you holding up?"
"I'm fine," Verity promised her friend.
"I'm really sorry for your loss, V," Robert tacked on, embracing her after Janet had let her go. Mark stood on the spot and Robert clasped his arm for a moment, throwing him an understanding nod. Verity felt Janet lace her arm inside of hers, keeping her tight to her side.
"I know that things can't be easy," Janet whispered to her friend. "But we're going to be here for as long as you need us to be. Trust me, ignore everyone here…all of the whispers…they don't mean anything. No one here knows a thing."
"They only know what they think they know and that's nothing," Mark confirmed.
"Doesn't make it any easier," Verity whispered and Mark nodded his head, agreeing with her on that point.
The four of them stood around until the hearse pulled up, a car following it. Everyone gathered around and waited patiently. Verity saw her father climb out of the car alone and he followed the coffin down the aisle of the church. Verity wasn't entirely sure where she should sit. She knew that family usually took the front row, but her father hadn't even asked her to ride in the car with him. She guessed that meant he didn't entirely want her there. She took a pew a few rows back, sitting in between Janet and Mark. She felt her fiancé reach for her hand and she clung onto his fingers.
She watched her father deliver a speech after a hymn and Verity looked to the photo of her mother that sat on top of the coffin. John spoke about how his wife was a kind, gentle woman who he'd met at some gala together. He briefly acknowledged how they'd had a child together, but he couldn't even bring himself to mention Verity by her name. The rest of his talk focused on her mother's charitable endeavours. Verity felt silent tears roll down her cheek that she couldn't stop. She didn't want to cry. She didn't want to sob over her mother, but a part of her wanted to sob over what she'd lost.
Once the service was finished, the curtains closed on the coffin. Verity knew her mother had never wanted to be buried. She claimed she hated the idea of being in the ground with worms. Everyone filtered out of the church and congregated in the churchyard once more. Verity kept hold of Mark's hand the entire time and a part of her wondered if they should even go to the golf club where the wake was being held. Would she be welcome there?
"I…do you think you can give me a minute?" Verity wondered from Mark and he nodded his head.
She pecked him on the cheek and left him with Robert and Janet. She headed back into the church and saw the vicar picking up the order of service booklets. Verity wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
"I'm sorry," she said to him. "I was just wondering…could I have a moment? Is she…"
"You're her daughter?" he asked from her.
"How did you know?"
"You look just like her," he said and Verity wasn't sure if she should be comforted by that or not. She just nodded her head once and the vicar pulled the curtain back for her. He placed a hand on her shoulder as he walked by and Verity stood by the wooden coffin. The photo was still sat on top of it and there were white lilies adorning it too. Verity laid her hand on the wooden top, stroking her fingers along the surface.
"I'm sorry, mother," she whispered to no one. She didn't know if she entirely believed in life after death, but if there was a chance her mother could hear her then she wanted her to. "I wish that things had been different between us. I wish that you could've accepted me for me…that we could've had a relationship together and that you thought I was good enough for you and father. I tried so hard. I worked so hard through school…college…but I couldn't do it in the end. I couldn't graduate and marry James because I never really loved him and I wish that you could understand that I wanted to marry for love. I don't want to marry for status or wealth. I want to marry someone because I love them…and I love Mark. I really do love Mark. I know you never approved of him, but he loves me and he looks after me. He takes care of me and isn't that all any parent wants for their kid? I don't know, but I wish it had been enough. I wish you could've known him and given him a chance. I wish things had been different."
Verity sniffed loudly and she bowed her head, tears falling onto the coffin.
"I'm sorry, mommy," she sobbed like a child. "I'm just so sorry."
…
Standing in the clubhouse of the golf club, Verity made sure she was stood in a corner. She was with Robert and Janet, nursing on a glass of white wine. Mark had made an excuse to go to the bathroom, just needing a few minutes of fresh air. He stood on the wooden decking that overlooked the green, taking deep breaths and trying not to get annoyed over the way people stared at Verity and how they whispered behind her back.
"Did you see she wasn't even in the front pew?"
"Her mother would be so disappointed in her."
"She's engaged to that man. Why did she not stay with James? He would've made an honest woman of her."
"All too much for you?"
Mark ground his teeth together as the smarmy voice entered his ear. It was James, her ex-boyfriend. He sauntered onto the decking, hands in his pockets and looking like he didn't have a care in the world. Mark turned his head to the side to glance in his direction.
"I'm not surprised, you don't exactly belong here with us," James said, voice light and taunting.
"You know, I find it amazing that Verity used to go out with someone like you," Mark said and he knew that he should go back inside before he lost his temper. It wasn't the right time or place to get into a fight with her ex, no matter how much he longed to do just that. He took a sharp breath and shook his head. "I'm going back to Verity."
"I'll come and say hello," James said, but Mark stood in his way, blocking him from moving any closer.
"No," Mark said firmly. "The last thing she needs is you in her face. You know she despises you for what you did. You stole her work. You humiliated her in front of your friends."
"Ah…she told you about that?" James checked and he chuckled, leaning back slightly and face etched with amusement at hearing him. "Yes, perhaps not my finest hour, but I had drunk a few beers by then and we were discussing our partners. Turns out not many girls enjoy being as submissive as she does…the things she'd do. Have you found that out yet? I bet it's her ultimate fantasy, you being a cop."
"You're vile, you know that?" Mark checked with him and he chuckled again.
"Just wondering what it's like for the two of you," he retorted. "But you don't need to worry for much longer. She'll grow bored of you. I saw the ring on her finger. You think that piece of cheap costume jewellery is going to be enough for her in the long run?"
Mark's teeth ground together. He didn't say anything about the ring. He wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of hearing him shout. Instead, he turned on his heel and walked back into the reception room. He found Verity where he'd left her, stood in the corner with her friends. Moving towards her, he saw that she was sipping on a glass of white wine. As he approached her, he saw her father get there first. He whispered something into her ear and she dutifully followed him away, placing her glass down on the bar as she passed by. Catching Mark's eye, she motioned for him to follow her and he did so, catching up with her as her father led them into a side room that was set up for conferences with a u-shaped table set up and leather chairs behind them.
"Does he need to be here for this?" John queried.
"He's my fiancé," Verity replied and her father shut the door. "What do you want, father?"
"I wanted to discuss your mother's will with you," John said, voice haughty. "We changed them only a few months ago and she left you all of her jewellery. I'll have Rosa box it all up and have it mailed to your apartment. I imagine it might be worth a small amount to pawn if you need the money."
Verity's cheeks turned red. "You don't need to bother. You can keep it," Verity said.
"Were you hoping for something else?" John questioned her. "Because your mother and I have decided to leave our money to our numerous charitable endeavours. We didn't want to cut you out of the will, but you really did leave us no choice."
"That's fine," Verity said and she knew her father wanted her to react. She wasn't going to. She wasn't giving him the satisfaction. "I don't want your money or anything else. I just…today…you couldn't even tell me the funeral was today."
"I suspected you'd find out from Janet or someone else," John said.
"And riding in the car with you? She was my mother."
John scoffed. "You seriously think that gives you any right to ride with me? You made your decision when you chose him over your family," he jutted his chin in Mark's direction. "Now, if there is nothing else you want to discuss, I need to go back out there and show my face. Feel free to leave whenever you want to, Verity. You're not needed here."
"Fuck you," Verity snapped and John's eyes widened.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, fuck you," she snapped at him.
"Ver, sweetheart," Mark whispered, trying to calm her, but that wasn't going to happen.
"All you've done is treat me like shit and I'm tired of it. I'm sorry I'm such a fuck up. I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you dreamed of, but I'm the only one you've got. So if you want to be bitter and spend the rest of your life resenting me then go ahead, but I'm done with it. I'm done trying. I'm done crying over not being enough for you. I'm going to marry Mark. We're going to be happy. And if that offends you so much then feel free to stay away from me. In fact, I'd prefer it if you did."
Mark didn't bother to try and diffuse the situation. He just let her take him by the hand and he followed her out of the room, not once looking back. As they moved to find Robert and Janet, they bumped into James who stood in front of them, arms spread wide and a forced sad look on his face, bottom lip over his top lip.
"Verity, love, I am so sorry for-"
He didn't get chance to finish. Verity slapped him across the face and Mark tried not to laugh in amusement at that. She heard the gasps echo around them as James moved a free hand up to take hold of his cheek that was slightly smarting but not enough for him to groan in pain.
"Stay the fuck away from me," she warned him. "You stole my work in college and now we both know you're only working for your dad because nowhere else would employ you because you're a useless piece of shit. I don't want you and I never did, you lying asshole. Now get out of my way and stay away from me."
Silence engulfed the room and Verity stormed off once more. Mark shrugged at James, eyes glimmering with amusement. "Told you she didn't want to see you," he muttered to him as Janet cheered somewhere in the background, etiquette be damned.
…
They got back to the apartment and Verity pushed her heels from her feet. Mark locked the door behind him and tugged at his tie, loosening it down his shirt. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked her.
"No," she said. "I'm done talking about my family. If they don't want anything to do with me then they don't have to have anything to do with me."
"You're sure?" Mark checked.
"I'm sure," Verity assured him. "They're done…now come here."
Mark was taken off balance as Verity tugged him by the tie and pushed him into the bedroom. He let her take the lead, pushing him backwards until his thighs hit the bed and he sat down on the end of it. Verity undid his tie, throwing it off to the side and unbuttoning his shirt. Mark moved his hands behind him, keeping himself propped up as he let her push his shirt down his arms.
"Ver, sweetheart, we don't need to-"
"-I want to," Verity interrupted him. "I want you, Mark. Don't you get it? You're all that I ever really want. I love you."
"I love you too, sweetheart," he said and he felt her reach for his belt buckle then and he let her take the lead. He watched as she bent down, her hips moving against his and her lips pressing to his, a hand curling around his neck as she kissed him forcefully.
Clambering off of him, she peeled his trousers and boxers down his legs and kicked them off to the side. She unzipped her dress and peeled it down her body, rolling down her stockings with it before she climbed on top of him once more and kissed him again. He moaned as he felt her hand around him before she positioned herself on top of him. She tossed her head back and groaned as he filled her and his hands went to her hips as he let her settle into his lap. She ground her hips forwards once and he moved a hand up her side, cupping her breast in his fingertips and tugging the bra cup down before engulfing it with his mouth, listening to her pant into his ear.
"Tell me I'm enough," she pleaded from him. "Just tell me it's me…always me…I'm enough for you."
Mark moved his mouth from her skin and looked her in the eye before he somehow managed to manoeuvre them so that she was laid on the bed, legs wrapped around his waist, panties pushed to the side and bra askew on her. He pushed further into her and she shifted her hips, trying to accommodate him as best as she could.
"You're enough," he said to her. "It's you, Verity. It's always going to be you…you belong here, don't you?" he checked with her, wondering if this was what she wanted as her hair fell out of its bun and fanned around her head. He reached a hand up again, finger tracing the skin along her bra cup. "This is where you belong, isn't it? With me?"
"Yes," she gasped.
"Why?" he demanded from her.
"Because…" she trailed off and Mark withdrew slightly before thrusting against her again, seeing her lips part and her eyes widen.
"Why, Verity?" he demanded again.
"Because I'm yours," she panted.
"Say it again," he ordered, bending down and biting her neck between his teeth gently, scraping the skin and making her legs around him grip him even tighter. "Say it again," he urged, kissing up to her ear and dragging his tongue over the shell of it.
"I'm yours, Mark," she panted.
"Good girl," he whispered, the praise making her shudder against him. "You're mine, sweetheart…never forget that."
…
Laid in bed together, Verity kept a hand on Mark's chest as he kept an arm wrapped around her shoulders. The sheets were a tangled mess around them, but neither of them seemed to be cold or care about that. Mark's fingers tangled in her hair, toying with strands of it as she ran her fingers over his chest.
"That was intense," Mark said.
"Too much?" she asked from him.
"No…just intense," Mark said. He wasn't entirely sure what had taken over him. He'd whispered into Verity's ear as he took her and she'd let him. She'd moaned loudly and felt the familiar coil in her stomach as she came apart underneath him, but never like she had done before. "You're alright?"
"I'm fine," she assured him. "In fact, I'm better than fine. I just didn't want it to be too much for you."
"Trust me, you never need to worry about me enjoying myself," Mark said and Verity smiled despite everything. She kissed the skin by his chest and rested her head back by his neck. Closing her eyes, she was about to drift off to sleep when she heard the phone begin to ring.
"I'll get it," Mark said and she let him climb from the bed.
He walked naked into the hallway and Verity flopped onto her back, tugging the covers up to her chest. She heard Mark pick up the phone, but then his voice became frenzied and agitated.
"Ange, I need you to slow down," he demanded and Verity climbed from bed, grabbing her robe and shrugging it over her shoulders. "Okay…well, have you called the police? Yes…okay…good…no…stay at a friend's house for the night and we'll be there first thing in the morning to pick you up. No…it's alright, honey, we're coming…call me when you're at Daniella's…I love you…bye."
"What's happened?" Verity fretted.
"Someone broke into Ange's dorm and ransacked it. They took some of her necklaces but nothing else. It's just a mess and she's scared. Campus police have called the local PD and she's staying with her friend tonight. I told her we'd drive down there and pick her up…bring her home until this is sorted."
"Of course," Verity agreed with him. "We need to get dressed. Who the hell would do that?"
"Kids, maybe?" Mark asked. "I don't know. All I know is that Ange needs us."
"And we'll be there."
…
A/N: Would love to know your thoughts!
