A wash of relief flooded his body when he heard the sound of the shooter's body hitting the ground. Olivia's hands stayed gripped to his for a moment while they caught their breath. He felt her hand drop, and he suddenly remembered she had stood before the shot rang out. "Are you hit?" He hoped to God the answer was no, but he knew the answer was yes."

"I'm hit," she winced. His eyes burned, and he wished he could see how bad it was. He immediately sat up and leaned over her. Trying to assess her in spite of his temporary blindness. Even the slightest attempts at opening his eyes resulted in scorching pain.

"Where?"

She was talking, and she didn't seem too panicked or strained. Still, he couldn't slow his racing heart. He couldn't see how bad it was, and that terrified him.

"My left hip," her voice strained, and he knew she was trying to mask the pain. His stomach turned. He stood. They had to get out of here.

"Can you walk?" It felt like a stupid question, but he wasn't sure how they would get out of here if she couldn't walk and he couldn't see.

Her voice shook a little. "Not really," she admitted. Damn it. He would have to carry her because he was absolutely not leaving her to bleed on the floor while he got help.

"Come on, up, up." She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her off her feet. She tensed and let out a groan, and he knew she had to be in a lot of pain.

She guided them out of the diner. He was her legs, and she was his eyes. Both their lungs gasped in relief when they made it through the door and were greeted with untainted air.

He only made it partially down the wheelchair accessibility ramp before they were met with paramedics, who all but tore her from his arms. The panic returned because he sure as hell wasn't leaving her.

"Sir! Sir!" He felt a medic's hands pulling him in a different direction.

He pushed the grasping hands away. "I'm fine!" He growled, but the paramedic continued to insist.

"We need to flush your eyes. The sooner we do that, the sooner we can get you back to her." The paramedic must have accurately interpreted the reasons for his panic and resistance. She tugged on his arm, and this time he complied with her request.

They flushed his eyes with some sort of solution, and while his vision remained blurry, the blinding pain had receded. Once they finished with him, he forcefully asked, "Where is she?"

He must have asked a different medic because he was met with, "Who?"

He had zero patience right now, and it took all his self-control to keep himself from beating down every person within arm's reach. Luckily, the other paramedic heard his question and answered more gracefully. "He means Captain Benson." His vision was beginning to improve, and he could now make out the blurred silhouettes of the paramedics. He watched the paramedic cock her head toward what looked like an ambulance. "I think they are still running vitals." He didn't listen to the rest of her answer. He plowed somewhat recklessly through the mass of people.

The paramedics were in the process of loading her into the ambulance when he finally arrived at the ambulance's open doors. His vision, while still blurry, had improved enough for him to see her face. His heart leapt when a soft "Elliot" lofted through the air.

The medics turned, and he knew they planned to bar him from riding with her, but that was not happening.

He pushed past the paramedics and ignored their protests when he settled down beside her. "I'm riding with her." It was a command, not a request, and the medic must have understood that and let him stay.

The doors slammed shut, and the ambulance started forward towards whatever medical institution was closest to the diner.

He had to pry his eyes away from the mass of shotgun pellets gathered at her hip in order to view her face. He could see mostly normally at this point, but his eyes still felt tender.

Her face was contorted in a painful grimace. He reached one hand for hers, and the other brushed her face. Her face relaxed at his touch, and she opened her eyes. Luckily, his eyes were still red and there was still water from the tear gas, so his tears of relief were effectively disguised.

They said nothing, and that was fine. This was enough for now. She was okay. They were okay. He kept his hand pressed lightly to her cheek to reassure himself that she was right here and not bleeding out on the diner floor. Her eyes remained intensely gripped on his, and he swore he could read the same relief in her eyes.

After determining the injury was not life-threatening, the ambulance was pulled up to a small urgent care facility adjacent to the larger hospital. He followed the medics into the building, but they stopped him before he pushed through the double doors that separated the exam rooms from the waiting room.

He opened his mouth to protest, but Liv cut him off, "It's okay, El, I'm okay." She gave him a mischievous smirk. "I'm not sure I want you in there while they fish pellets out of my hip and ass."

He smiled in return and felt a wave of relief. "Fine," he agreed gently, but more gruffly, he added, "but I need updates after every procedure, and I will be in the room whenever she's ready."

The medics nodded, but he sensed their irritation at his overt overprotectiveness.

As they wheeled her back, he heard one of the paramedics say, "That your husband or something?"

He grinned at her light laugh and said, "No. He's my partner." He swallowed back some emotion. Even after everything, she considered him her partner. And that meant the world to him.

-000-

After what felt like an eternity, a nurse brought him back to where Olivia lay on her right side. From the look on her face, he read her desire to get the hell out of here.

He couldn't help teasing her, "How's your ass feeling?"

"Well, I won't be sitting anytime soon. Get me out of here?" She reached out for him to help her up. Her arm draped around him, and his arm supported her waist as he helped her off the table. They should have broken apart. She was supposed to recoil from such an intimate touch, but she didn't. Instead, she froze and caught his gaze.

"You okay?" The emotion of the day caught up with him, and he realized how close he had been to losing her. The thought made his stomach sink.

"No." He shook his head, and he was surprised at his honest answer. Maybe he was just tired of dancing around all the complicated emotions surrounding her. Maybe he just needed her to realize how much she meant to him. "Couldn't see anything. Heard that shot. I thought I'd lost you."

He wanted to brush away the tears he felt stinging the corners of his eyes, but that would require him to let her go, and he couldn't do that.

"I can't imagine what that brings up for you." She rested her hand lightly on his chest, and he knew she could feel the rapid pounding of his adoring heart. He wanted to tell her that she was wrong. In the moment those shots fired, he hadn't thought of Kathy and her untimely loss. He hadn't thought of the trauma of witnessing the explosion that ultimately took her life. The only thing he felt was crippling fear that he had lost her. Not Kathy. Olivia . His late wife was the last thing on his mind when Liv went down. The panic had nothing to do with Kathy and everything to do with Olivia.

Before he could express any of his thoughts, his phone rang. He cursed the timing. Unfortunately, he had to answer. He kept his eyes on hers while Bell updated him.

He hung up and begrudgingly gave her the news. "Kyle Wilkies mom just gave him up." It was good news. Great news, but he hated that it came at this moment.

Her hand dropped from his chest, and he resisted the urge to pull it back to its previous perch. Her eyes were understanding. "You need to go?" There was something about her tone of voice that made him wonder if she felt the same unwillingness to let this moment end.

"Yeah." The conflicting emotions of relief and disappointment.

"I'm glad." He read her sincerity, but her eyes communicated something more.

She pulled on his shoulders for a hug, but as their faces moved closer, he realized he was going to kiss her. His eyes dropped to her lips, and she didn't withdraw. He saw the same desire radiating from her gaze, and as his arms tightened their embrace, his lips lightly met hers. He felt her sigh and melt into him, and he kissed her again. His heart pounded with elation when her mouth moved against his. God, he loved her. He wished it could go on and on, but he had to go. His team was headed into an extremely dangerous situation, and he needed to be there.

He pulled away, and she seemed to sense his conflicting emotions. Her fingers lightly brushed his face. "Go," she said, dropping her hands, and he took a step towards the door. He gave her one more longing look before he hurried out the door.

-000-

Olivia acknowledged that she wasn't always a patient person. She laid by herself in her hotel room, and she realized this was one of those times. She knew exactly how long a manhunt in the woods could be. Well, maybe not exactly, but she assumed it wouldn't be quick.

She checked her phone for the thousandth time. She wished someone would send a status update, but she assumed all available officers were engaged in the manhunt. She didn't even have a radio on her to listen to the chatter. It was probably for the best. If anything happened to him, she wouldn't be able to help him, and she would probably kill herself trying.

She let out a long sigh and glanced at the clock. It had only been an hour since he left her at urgent care. Her fingers wistfully brushed across her lips as she got caught up in the memory. He kissed her. That happened. It wasn't a dream or some weird undercover kiss. It was real. It was them, and for the first time, they were clear with their intentions. It felt freeing, but with that freedom came a different sort of fear. She was no longer scared for her friend when he entered dangerous situations; she was scared for the man she loved.

She glanced at her phone again. Nothing. She thought about turning on the TV. She couldn't really move, and this was one of those times she needed to pace out her tension. Her brain felt full, and she wished it would quiet .

She snatched up her phone the second it made a noise. The FBI coordinator texted:

Kyle Wilkie is in custody, but he is critically injured. One other critical injury was reported. Both have been airlifted out.

Olivia frantically texted. She needed to know who was hit because there were far too many people she cared about in that forest.

Who was injured?

The coordinator texted back.

I'm not sure. Someone from Sergeant Bell's team. It was chaos for a while. Let me find out.

She couldn't breathe. She was sure she was hyperventilating. She needed to slow down. There were lots of members of Bell' team. She hated herself for hoping it was anyone other than Elliot. She closed her eyes and focused on breathing. Air in. Air out.

No matter who was down, it would be hard. Over the past few years, she'd gotten to know many of the members of Elliot's squad. This would be horrible, no matter who it was.

Time snailed along, and she resisted the urge to call Ayanna herself. No. She could wait. The coordinator would update her. Eventually.

A knock at the door startled her. She winced as she slowly moved her body off the bed and limped to the door. She unlocked the deadbolt and immediately sobbed when Elliot stood on the other side. His arms immediately wrapped around her, and she cried into his shoulder with relief. She ignored the pain that came with the pressure of his embrace.

She felt his body shaking in harmony with hers. He walked her back a couple steps so the door could shut behind them, but he continued to cling to her like his life depended on it.

She pressed a kiss on his throat while whispering, "I'm so sorry," over and over. She rubbed her hands up and down his back while he let out the emotion he probably kept pent up until this moment.

Her hip began to ache from standing for so long, and she tried to ignore it, but eventually she had to shift her weight. Attuned to her, as he always was, he lightened his hold on her. "Do you need to lay back down?"

She wanted to say no, but the honest answer was yes. "Only if you lay with me," she murmured.

She felt him nod against her head, and she reluctantly withdrew. She gripped his hand and led him to where she had previously slept.

His hands held her steady as he helped her lay on her right side. He took a couple steps away to settle behind her, but she pulled on his hand and patted the place in front of her. He shrugged and laid in front of her. She laid a gentle hand on his hip and, with her fingers, drew soft circles on his back. She placed a kiss on the back of his neck while continuing the comforting motion of her fingers.

Once his shuddered breathing slowed and his body stopped shaking, she brought her mouth close to his ear. "You gonna be okay?" She didn't bother asking if he was okay, because obviously he wasn't. The day began with a shooting that took her down, and it ended with a shot that took a member of his team down.

He rolled over, so he now faced her. Her heart broke when his watering blue eyes met hers. "No." His voice rasped. She left one hand on his chest, and situated her other arm beneath his head. His heart drummed against the palm of her hand, reminding her how grateful she was that he was alive.

She wanted to ask who had been shot, but she didn't dare. The pain in his eyes made the question stick to her tongue. He seemed to read her thoughts when he croaked out, "Whelan."

She closed her eyes and inhaled sharply. "How is he?" She managed to ask.

"Alive," his voice answered hoarsely. "Uh, but barely." His eyes closed. "He's in surgery; the bullet passed through his neck. They're certain it severed his spinal cord."

Oh God. He scooted closer to her, and she pressed his head to her chest, just beneath her chin. Her arms wrapped around him. She didn't care that her hip screamed in pain. Right now, she only cared about his pain.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again, but the words felt hollow. Words were useless at this moment. Nothing she could ever say would make any of this better. But maybe something else could lessen the pain that obviously gripped his heart.

Her lips fell on his, softly and affectionately. His hand lifted to her cheek as he returned the kiss. She felt all the pain and sorrow bleeding out as he kissed her.

She realized she wanted more, and she was determined to take this as far as her broken body would allow. Her tongue traced the contour of his lower lip, and his tongue immediately found hers. He felt his hands handle her gently as he moved them from her waist to her back. She cupped his face and kissed him deeply.

She knew he wanted to let his hands roam over her body, and she hated that she couldn't let him. She wanted to help him forget about this God awful day. She broke away, and her mouth wandered the length of his jaw. Not able to gain access in the way she desired, she pressed her hands against his chest, rolling him into his back. He kept his hands gently on her as he helped her slide on top of him. Her hip throbbed, but she pushed it away and focused on letting her lips explore his neck. He groaned when she nipped at his ear, and she knew she had pulled him out of his own head.

He carefully lifted her shirt enough to expose her bra. She felt her heart rate increase as his fingers brushed along the bottom of her bra line. His lips stole hers again, and he kissed her deeply.

When his phone began ringing, they both groaned in displeasure. "Damn it," he muttered. He kept one hand on the bare skin of her back, and the other reached for his phone.

Her lips continued brushing against his jaw as he answered, "Stabler."

The voice on the other end sounded annoyed, but Elliot didn't seem to care. "Fine. Yeah, it's fine. I'll be there soon."

He nearly threw his phone across the room. His eyes held hers before he kissed her slowly once more.

"You need to go?" Her lips brushed against his with every word."

"Yeah." She knew he wanted to defy orders and stay, and part of her wanted that too. "I came straight here."

Which meant he didn't report to anyone. If she were his commanding officer, she would kill him. Good thing she wasn't. Still, she needed to let him go. "You need to go," she urged.

The look in his eyes indicated how much he desperately wanted to stay. "I don't want to," he admitted. He kissed her quickly.

She carefully slipped her body off of his, hoping they would both think more clearly without her body pressing into his. "Your team needs you." She brushed her fingers over his cheek. "Go."

He sighed, kissed her once, and got up. She could tell he was holding back whatever words sat on the edge of his lips. He hesitated. "Bye, Liv." His eyes held hers with intensity, but only for a moment before he left.

-000-

The next few days swept over them like a tidal wave. Olivia drowned in paperwork, and didn't hear from Elliot beyond a text here and there. She worried, but it wasn't like she could chase him down. She felt lucky that she could at least stand at her desk.

When Fin slowly pushed into her office, she should have expected bad news, but things had settled, and she naively thought and hoped things would calm enough to let everyone recover. Unfortunately, things never worked out that way.

With one word, one name, she knew things were taking a turn for the worse.

Fin's eyes dropped to the floor. "Whelan." Her normally stoic sergeant's voice was thick with emotion.

Damn it. "Where's their team now?"

"Scattered. I heard from Reyes. He's still at the hospital."

Olivia dropped her head into her hand. "Damn it, Whelan," she muttered under breath.

She sighed, but she couldn't decide exactly what she wanted to do. She and Elliot were obviously something , but they hadn't had more than a minute together since the arrest. Their relationship status fell into a weird middle ground until they could define what it was, and she wondered if calling him would be too much right now.

Fin stood, hands in his pockets, waiting for her to say something.

She let out a long, slow breath. She trusted Fin with her life. How could she not trust him with all of this? "What do I do here?" Her eyes flicked to his.

"What are ya askin me Liv?" He maintained eye contact, and she resisted the urge to shy away. She wanted to talk to him about everything, but she struggled to lean into the accompanying discomfort.

"I'm telling you Elliot and I are involved. But I have no idea where we stand."

Fin's face stayed neutral. She suspected he knew more than he let on. He always knew. "And?" He prodded.

"Do I call? Do I track him down? I'm at a loss," and she hated feeling like this.

"Liv. If someone, especially a member of our team, died, I would want a friend there, and I would absolutely want my person, even if it's undefined, to be there for me."

She hated this. It felt foreign and uncomfortable. She thought about calling, but she knew he would insist he was fine and she should stay at work. Based on the last time she saw him, she knew he was not going to be fine. "What are you doing right now?"

"Nothin. It's dead out there."

"Want to help me track him down?" She asked with uncertainty. Fin wouldn't let her chicken out. He would make her follow through.

He gave her that look. That "I got your back, baby girl" look. "Yeah. Let's check out their offices first."

He would be there. He would keep this away from home. She did the same. Keeping work and life separate was imperative. It was the only way to keep the job from consuming every part of life.

Fin led the way out of the squad room, and she hobbled behind him.

-000-

Losing a brother officer never got easier. Elliot sat at his desk and stared blankly at the papers laid out in front of him. The quiet stillness surrounding him felt suffocating. Ayanna sat at her desk with the same blank stare. Jet took off an hour ago, and he knew she needed space to deal with this.

He wanted to call Liv, but he wasn't sure he could handle that look of empathy she often threw his way. Those deep brown eyes would inevitably break him down until he was a puddle of emotion, and he didn't want to be a puddle of emotion. He wanted to feel nothing. He wanted to be numb. He wanted to be someone else.

They made headway on a challenging case before this horrible case took over their lives. He saw an opportunity to drop undercover again. This was his chance to escape the pain and confusion plaguing his life right now. He needed to take on another identity until he could be Elliot Stabler again. The problem was, he didn't know how long that would take.

From the corner of his eye, he caught a glimpse of Ayanna shoving her chair away from her desk. Her eyes focused on something behind him. He looked over his shoulder. Olivia. Fin trailed behind her. He stood. He wasn't going to make her limp all the way to his desk.

He made it to her in seconds, and she met him with those ever-empathetic eyes. His heart pounded, and he wanted to reach out for her, but he hesitated to do so while others were present. She wasn't the least bit deterred.

Her arms wrapped around him, and he felt a measure of calm filter in through her embrace. He felt tears leak from his eyes. He didn't want to do this. Not here. Not right now. Fin backed off a respectable distance, but he still felt claustrophobic.

Her face was buried in his chest, and she whispered, "What do you need?"

He didn't have an answer. Everything felt wrong and screwed up, and nothing could make this better. "I don't know," he admitted.

She held him tighter, and he felt himself melt into her slightly. Maybe he needed this right here. Her .

He heard her wince and grit her teeth. It had only been days since she was shot by a literal shotgun. "You need to rest, Liv."

She shook her head stubbornly. "I'm not leaving you alone with this."

God, he loved her. He nodded. He couldn't go to his home, but maybe he could go to hers. Her hip clearly hurt, and she needed to rest. "Let me take you home then." His voice resonated deep and low.

She hesitated, but whispered, "Okay."

"I'm gonna take Liv home," he said loud enough for both Ayanna and Fin to hear.

They nodded, and he hated the worried look plastered across their faces. He was fine. Ayanna lost someone too. Why did everyone focus their pity on him?

He kept his arm around Olivia, providing support as they shuffled out of his squad room.

-000-

Something felt off. Really off. Elliot had a tendency to brood, but this felt different. Deeper. He remained deathly silent while he drove to her apartment, seemingly stuck in his own head. The last time he was like this was after he shot a teenage girl, and the implications chilled her. He was going to leave again. She knew it. She hoped she was wrong, but deep down, she knew she wasn't.

He kept his hand on her back as they entered her apartment. She stopped at the end of the hall, uncertain of what to do now. The hesitation was short-lived because she knew what she wanted to do the moment he offered to take her home.

Her face turned towards his. "Help me get into bed; I'm tired of the couch."

He nodded, but his blank expression furthered her concern. She felt desperate, and the moment they stepped through her bedroom door, she began kissing him.

One hand stayed on her back, but the other dropped to her good hip. His response felt tempered and distracted.

She kissed him harder and pressed her body against his. He responded, but was tepid at best. He allowed her tongue to enter his mouth, but he continued to keep the contact slow and guarded. She pulled away in frustration. "Kiss me like you actually mean it," she growled.

"Liv," he cautioned, but she was having none of that.

Her lips found his again, drawing his bottom lip into her mouth. She nipped at it somewhat aggressively to get a response, but he pulled back again.

"Damn it, El," she groaned in frustration. Her voice lowered. "I'm practically begging you to f-ck me, and you're giving me this?"

His next words shouldn't have surprised her, but they did. "I'm considering taking an undercover assignment."

And there it was.

She wanted to yell and scream. Wasn't she reason enough to stay? "You can't run from everything, Elliot," she said bitterly. "It always catches up to you."

"I'm not running."

"Like hell, you're not." She pushed back the angry tears that were gathering in her eyes. "At least I'm expecting it this time." It was probably a low blow, but it was true.

"Olivia." His voice dropped with the pain she knew was threatening to consume him.

She wasn't sure why, but she began kissing him aggressively. She knew it was stupid. She knew it wouldn't change anything, but it felt like the only way to make him stay.

His lips moved against hers, and she started toying with his belt buckle. His hands stopped hers. "Liv," he breathed. "I can't do this and leave you behind. I won't do it."

She didn't care. Maybe she needed this. Maybe she needed some assurance that even if he left her, he'd come back. Her mouth brushed his. "I'm not asking you to stay." Her fingers toyed with his belt buckle, "but I can't let you leave without knowing exactly where we stand."

The rhythm of his breathing picked up, and she slid her hands under his shirt. "You can say no. You can walk out of this apartment right now, and nothing will change, but," her eyes bore into his. She oozed confidence until this point. She hesitated. "I love you." Her heart pounded relentlessly. She dropped her eyes, unable to hold on to the intensity of his gaze. "I love you," she whispered again, "and I want this. I want you," she said, biting her lip. "More importantly, I want you to feel how much I love you."

The sound of their breathing filled the air, and she realized she just told him she loved him and propositioned him in one breath. Maybe it was too much for him. Too much, too soon. Maybe she was way off base.

His lips came down roughly against hers. "God, Olivia," he said, dropping a row of kisses along her jaw. "I love you so damn much."

She smiled and pulled his hips towards her as she backed up to her bed. "Show me," she whispered. The words must have unlocked something within him because, in one swift movement, he dropped them both on the bed.

Notes:

This got upgraded to a full fic! Go check out the full story with the rest of my work!