He woke up with a pain in his head that rivaled his worst hangover. He rolled over and his stomach screamed, protesting the movement after an evening of non stop nausea.
He sat up. The box still sat there on the bed with its contents stacked on the lid. He needed to pack the box up. He needed to take it back, but the idea of even touching any of those items made him sick.
He shuffled to the bathroom, and drank a glass of water. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. He looked like hell. Who was he kidding? He felt like he was in hell.
He splashed some water on his face and made his way back to his bed. He sat next to the box again. He was just staring at the side of the box when part of the label jumped out at him. Box 1 /2
Oh God. There was more. How could there possibly be more!? The man must have been convicted. Right? He anxiously put the items back in the box and secured the lid. He felt like he had stumbled upon a literal Pandora's box, and he felt an insatiable pull. No matter how bad it hurt, he had to know the rest of the story.
He tucked the box under his arm, and left the room. He knew it was stupid. He knew he'd be better off if he didn't know, but he felt stuck in this journey. He needed to see it to the end.
-000-
"Seriously Ayanna!? How the hell do you lose a UC!" Olivia was pissed. More than pissed actually. She was seething.
"It's only been two and half days, and you know Stabler…" she defended herself.
"You shouldn't have sent him on this assignment in the first place!" Normally, she handled things calmly. Normally she kept herself together better than this, but she was nervous, and being nervous made her angry.
"I needed someone on this. He volunteered. You know as well as I do that once that man sets his mind to something…"
"Damn it Ayanna! You're his CO- his boss! You could have said no!"
Ayanna shook her head adamantly. "You have no idea how many times I've said no and he's worked around me."
Olivia grabbed her purse and her keys and stomped to her office door. "I know how he is. You know how he is, but if you can't control a bulldog, you keep him on a leash or in your sight." She resisted the urge to scream. "You don't send him UC when he's obviously a mess from a fellow officer's death!"
Olivia knew she was being harsh. She knew that Elliot did whatever the hell he wanted regardless of the consequences. She could keep him in check, but she suspected that had nothing to do with her rank.
Ayanna sighed. "I know. Okay. I get it. You don't think I feel guilty right now? And I don't know what the hell is going on with your relationship, but I know he's still talking to you, even though he's supposed to be deep under."
Olivia hated the accusatory tone. She hated it more because Ayanna was right. Elliot hadn't completely cut her off. Sure, their contact was very limited, but he checked in occasionally.
"He doesn't talk to me much," she defended. "Maybe a couple times a month."
"See what I mean!? I tell him no and he still does whatever the hell he wants! And damn, you encouraging him to break protocol is just…" she was too angry to finish.
"I wouldn't let him do anything stupid. I make sure he's careful! God Ayanna. I swear…" she stepped out her office door, ignoring the stares of her detectives as she hurried past. She needed to find him. Problem was, she had no idea where to start.
-000-
Olivia sat in her car for a while, still fuming. She needed to get a grip if she was going to have a chance of finding him. She closed her eyes and laid her head back, and tried to think. It was probably stupid to alienate Ayanna. Olivia didn't have any idea what case they were working on, and if his disappearance had anything to do with the case then she would be running around blind.
She almost jumped when her phone pinged. Jet.
J: Bell just came in completely pissed. Said she talked to you. Just wanted you to know that I did everything I could to track him, but he either turned his phone off or it's dead because I can't find him anywhere.
O: I think we both could have handled it better. Do you think it has to do with the case?
J: I don't. Things were fine with that, and he's still working a surface level gig so it's really not too dangerous. At least not until he gets in a little deeper.
O: Where did you last have a location on him?
J: Two days ago- Long term evidence storage.
Finally. A direction to go in.
O: Thanks Jet
J: Yep. Let me know if I can help more.
-000-
She drove straight to evidence storage. That place was a nightmare filled with the chaotic remains of closed cases. She approached the clerk's desk. "I'm looking to see if one of my detectives checked out the right box. He insisted he did, but the numbers don't look right. Can I double check the log so I can cross reference the numbers."
The clerk recognized her badge and quickly handed over the log. "We haven't had too many people come through this week. He should be pretty easy to find on there."
Olivia thanked him and flipped through the first two pages until her eyes landed on the name Elliot Stabler. She flipped another page and noticed he was actually on there twice. She checked the case numbers.
Her stomach sank. She knew that case number. She could repeat it in her sleep. He might have come here for an OC case, but he didn't leave with the intended box. He left with her box. Filled with evidence from her encounters with the devil himself. "Shit."
-000-
He really shouldn't be here. He had to be trespassing, but it looked abandoned and dilapidated so he suspected no one would mind his intrusion. The sand slipped under his feet with every heavy step he took. He left the box in his SUV. He didn't need it for this. He'd memorized every horrifying detail anyway.
When he reached the correct floor he stopped. It was sort of sickening how well preserved the scene remained. It looked like no one had been there since the last tech finished his sweep.
Elliot's hand ran the length of the metal table like it was a relic, a remnant of a nightmare frozen in time. Light poured in from a window across the room. He meandered over, and sat himself in the dirt. He gazed out the window as horrifying images paraded through his mind. He wrapped his arms loosely around his knees.
He wasn't entirely sure how long he sat there lost in the prison of his own worst nightmare. When he left all those years ago, he assumed she would be better off. He assumed that she would be happy. And she was. But it came at a steep cost.
He let the tears fall. No wonder she couldn't seem to forgive him. He would never forgive himself for this, and she obviously couldn't either. These years of begging and pleading for her to give him a chance were probably a painful reminder of the time he abandoned her. He told her her have her back, he'd always be there, and he left without a word. And while he happily lived his life, she was taken by that monster, and ruthlessly tortured. He was living his own personal hell and he had every intention of letting himself burn.
-000-
She knew where he went because she knew him. Problem was, she never wanted to return to that place. She couldn't. Just the idea of returning made her stomach turn.
But Elliot. She knew he was already triggered, and while she hoped he wouldn't do anything stupid, she wasn't sure, and that thought terrified her. She couldn't let him hurt himself, and just let it happen because she was scared of the memories. She had to go. She had to find him.
-000-
She vomited the minute she opened the door upon arriving at the granary. Once her stomach settled she grabbed a water bottle from her cup holder and swished the water around her mouth and spit it into the dirt. She felt her body shaking. She hated this. She felt weak. She felt like somehow, even years later, he had a hold on her, and she hated it.
After drawing in a long breath she slammed the door shut. His SUV was there, so she knew he had to be there somewhere, and she had a good idea where. With another slow breath of air she started for the stairs.
Part 3 anyone? :)
