Four months. Four months of complete silence before she agreed to a date with someone else. It felt a little uncomfortable, treacherous even, but she was beginning to resent the narrow scope of her life. Work and home. Home and work. Repeated over and over.
She accepted his invitation on a whim, and it felt nice to have someone to dress up for. At least it was until Fin made a big deal out of it all.
"You look nice," something about the way he said it sounded…suspicious.
"Thanks," she said with an equal amount of suspicion in her voice.
"Going out tonight?" He hedged.
She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. He wasn't being subtle. Hell, he wasn't even trying. "Yeah, I have a date."
He continued to act disinterested, and picked up a file off of the desk next to them. "Good for you Liv."
"Aren't you going to ask me who it's with, or are you going to act like you don't want to know." She was being a little terse with him, but in truth she was a little nervous, and this conversation wasn't at all helping.
"None of my business," he kept his eyes on the folder, and Olivia resisted the urge to scream.
"You're right," she said simply. She started back towards her office.
Before she reached the door Fin asked, "How's Stabler?" He kept his eyes on the file. It made her glare feel a little less satisfying.
She turned but kept her hand on her office door. "How would I know?"
Fin shrugged. "Kinda felt like things were goin good last time he was here…"
She resisted the urge to bite back defensively. "Yeah maybe," she tried. "But then he left." She pushed the door to her office open, signaling the end of the conversation. Once it shut behind her she sighed and said to herself, "I'm tired of always waiting."
-000-
One Month Later
"You have your bag Noah?"
"Yes mom. You've asked me like three times."
"Okay. Sorry." She felt nervous. She hadn't felt nervous about a date for a long time, but this felt different. She had seen Ben several times over the past month. She even introduced him to Noah, but they had largely kept things casual. Her job was demanding, and his job could be too. They made time here and there, but something about tonight made her believe they were on the edge of more than just casual.
She let out a nervous breath and shook off her nerves. Noah planned a sleepover at a friend's house, leaving her apartment unoccupied.
She hadn't purposefully put Ben, but it was a busy time of year…for both of them. It always seemed like she had a case, or he would see an influx of patients in the ER. But tonight…tonight there would be no distractions. No Noah. No excuses.
After dropping Noah off she made a quick stop at the precinct. She needed to drop off some files, and Ben agreed to pick her up there.
When she entered the squadroom Fin had a strange, slightly disconcerting smile on his face. He hurried his attention back to his computer screen. "Someone's in your office." He said with a straight face.
Liv eyed him skeptically, but headed to her office. Ben had probably made it to the precinct before she did, and Fin always acted weird when he showed up. Without a second thought she opened her office door, and almost immediately her hand flew to her mouth in an attempt to stifle an inadvertent cry.
Sitting on her office couch as if he hadn't a care in the world was Elliot. He was next to her in less than a second and her arms reflexively wrapped his neck in a bone crushing hug.
After a moment he relaxed his hold, but didn't let her go. She savored the moment by resting her head against his chest. "When did you get home?" She was startled by the softness in her own voice. Why did her entire body become a slushy puddle of emotion?
"This morning," he returned, just as gently.
Just as she opened her mouth to ask about his kids a shout came from outside her office. "Liv! Ben's here!" Fin's booming voice forced them apart. Elliot kept one hand in hers, refusing to acknowledge her subtle attempts to shake him off.
She felt her face begin to flush, but Elliot maintained his hold on her even after Ben entered the room. "Hey," she grinned in an attempt to keep this interaction from reaching unbearable levels of awkwardness.
"Hey," Ben returned almost nervously. His eyes kept flicking from Olivia to Elliot and their joined hands and back around again.
She took the distraction as an opportunity to discreetly yank her hand out of Elliot's. It was uncomfortable, but she leaned in and kissed Ben's cheek quickly, as was their customary greeting.
As if he sensed some kind of opening Elliot reached out his hand to shake Ben's. Firmly. He nudged Liv out of the way without any attempt at subtlety. She closed her eyes waiting for the inevitable disaster.
She waited, but for some reason Elliot decided to keep things chill.
"Hi, I'm Detective Stabler," his eyes dropped back to Liv, and returned to Ben. "I work with the good Captain here."
Olivia waited nervously for some kind of challenge of masculinity or show of possessiveness, but it never came. Sensing her hesitance Ben introduced himself. "Dr. Ben Wyatt." Ben returned the firm handshake.
Olivia wasn't sure which man to watch because she knew at least one of them was heading for some kind of breakdown. She needed to hurry this along. "We should probably…" she started, but didn't finish.
"Doctor huh? What practice?" It wouldn't be obvious to anyone else, but she could feel Elliot's slight change in tone. His voice, and that godawful fake grin said it all.
"Emergency medicine, and you work with Olivia?" Ben was still chugging along innocently, unaware of the field of landlines he was currently wading through.
That goddamn cocky smile crossed his face. "A little," he answered. "I work in Organized Crime…" Good Hell. It was like she was watching her life from twenty years ago. The pattern was the same. First, the fake nice guy routine. Next, intimidation, bonus if he used his occupation to enhance the intimidation factor. Any time now her would step into the other man's personal space.
As if on cue Elliot stepped closer to the doctor, using his bulky muscled form as yet another subtle warning to back off.
She knew verbal sparring was on its way so she reached for Ben's elbow, and tugged him towards her. "Uh, Ben I thought I left my wallet in here, but I think it's in my car." She flashed her most charming smile. "Can you get it for me so I can finish going over some forms with Detective Stabler."
He reached down and squeezed her hand and returned her smile with his own. "Sure, I'll be back in a minute."
"Thanks," she said sweetly.
Her eyes remained on Ben's back until he stepped out the door.
She sighed before gaining the mental strength for the inevitable battle to come.
"Sooo," he drew out the o. "He seems nice…" the tone of his voice indicated that he thought the opposite.
She rolled her eyes, maybe she could get out of her office unscathed. "I'm glad your home safe El," her eyes darted to the door. "I have plans tonight, but lunch soon?"
"And that's it…" he grumbled.
"What did you think was going to happen El? Five months without a word!" She masked the hurt with anger.
His anger matched hers, as he shook his head and chuckled ruefully. "I was clear about what I wanted, and you weren't ready." His blue eyes held hers and she tried to ignore how breathless he made her feel. "I backed off. Gave you space."
"And when I thought I might be ready, you slipped your wedding ring on and left!" She had been sitting on that hurt for months. She was finally feeling ready, and then the weight of his gold band threw her to the ground.
He skirted right over the wedding band issue. "What was I supposed to do? I was doing my job Olivia." He began to pace, reminding her of a caged lion.
She glanced back to the squad room and wondered how much longer Ben might take. This was absolutely not the right time or place for this conversation. "Forget it," she didn't bother masking the bitterness in her voice.
She turned away only to have Elliot grab her arm, spinning her back into his orbit. "No seriously," his eyes were all fire, and passion, and she hated herself for wondering how it would feel to be loved with that much heat and passion. "What do you expect from me, because it's becoming pretty damn clear that I can't do anything right." His hand remained on her bicep and she tried to not overanalyze the warmth that radiated from that point of contact. "I had to leave, but…but I didn't want to leave you with nothing. I wanted to leave you with something." His voice softened and instinctively her fingers flew to the compass that almost permanently hung from her neck.
"A way to find happiness," she remembered pensively.
"Yeah," he said softly, but the bitterness returned. "I just wasn't expecting you to find it five months after I left with some doctor. You couldn't even give me half a year?"
Her chest tightened. "That's not fair," she argued.
She felt the heat returning. "You know, I never really pictured you with a doctor, but I guess he suits you. Never really thought status was your thing, but hey, I get it."
He was absolutely baiting her, but she couldn't help but play into the argument. "You're such a possessive jackass, you know that right?"
"Yeah I know I am! And you know why!? Because all I want is to touch you." Damn her pounding heart. "I want everything Olivia." His voice deepened, but again bitterness seeped in. "How long did it take you to let him touch you?" She cursed the shivers that ran down her arm as he drug his finger down the length of her arm. "How long until you let him sleep with you?"
She yanked her arm away from what had become a gentle caress. "That's none of your damn business." She was done. Ben would be back any minute, and she was either going to scream at this man or kiss him, and either event would be jarring. "I'm leaving. I can't do this with you right now." She waved her hand flippantly.
Before she could make it to the door he pulled her back again, this time settling his hands on her hips. She didn't dare look him in the eye, but his voice nearly made her fall to pieces. "I gotta know Liv…" suddenly his lips were brushing her ear. "When you sleep with him, are you thinking of me?" She sucked in a breath, and held it as his eyes dropped to her plunging neckline. The sparkling glint of a gold compass was directly in his sight line. He grinned with satisfaction, as if her wearing his necklace proved something. Maybe it did. He was impossibly close to her. His fingers ran down her chest until they stopped at the compass. She didn't dare breathe. "Do you keep this on when you let him love you…"
She felt herself teetering, but then Fin's booming voice echoed into the office. "Hey Ben! Come over here, I got a question for ya. My grandson has a rash and his dads are losing their minds over it."
Olivia pressed her hands agaisnt his chest, peeling herself away. "I..I.." she stammered. "I can't do this right now. I gotta go…I gotta go."
I had way too much fun with and all the angst. This will have 2 parts...but knowing me it will probably be 3. Haha
