She found herself pacing. Like a crazy person. She was crazy. She had to be. He was her damn weakness. Her kryptonite. She wanted to trust him. She wanted to believe him when he said that he was never leaving. She knew better, but she trusted him anyway.
She was a goddamn fool.
A tightness gripped her chest, and she felt the room begin to shrink. Damn it. She was on the verge of a panic attack. His goddamn silence was giving her a panic attack. Damn him.
She dropped herself onto her office couch and rested her head in her hands. She slowed her breathing. In. Out. Inhale. Exhale.
Her world began to spin. A nauseating kaleidoscope of color flooded her vision, making her pinch her eyes shut. She needed to ground herself in the present before she lost her mind.
She's in her office. A breath. She's an NYPD captain. Another breath. This wasn't thirteen years ago. In. She's not that detective anymore. Out. She wasn't melting down on the interrogation room floor.
Breathe, she reminded herself. In…out.
Her heart rate began to slow, and she felt like she could swallow again. The tightness in her chest released as she continued to talk herself off the ledge. This wasn't the same situation. He hadn't shot a child. The idiot kid probably deserved the skull fracture. But the suspension. The silence. It all felt heartbreakingly familiar.
A knock on her office door nearly made her jump out of her skin. Without preamble, Fin stuck his head in. "Busy?"
She wanted to say something snarky, but bitching at Fin wouldn't make anything better. It wouldn't make him call. She squared her shoulders and answered, "No, what's up?"
Fin stepped into her office fully and closed the door behind him. "Heard from Stabler recently?"
Seriously? Did he have to ask the one question she couldn't stop spiraling over? She brushed her palms over her pants and tried to hide her current state of overwhelm. "Um, no. I mean, I know he's had a lot going on, and I told him to call when he wanted to talk about it or if he wanted to. I know things with his brothers are complicated, and they are working on finding care for his mother." She was rambling. She thought maybe if she kept talking, she wouldn't have to deal with whatever Fin came in to say.
Fin waited for her to exhaust all her made up excuses for Stabler's silence. She finally decided to just stop talking and see what Fin actually wanted.
"Bell called me. Said she couldn't get through to you."
Her heart pounded, and her stomach turned. He was hurt. He wasn't ghosting her. He must have found some way to be reckless and stupid during his suspension. She felt sick, and she was certain her face had paled. Still, she tried to save face and shewed the panic out of her voice before responding.
"I was trying to get the interim chief caught up on things. I've been tied up all morning." She closed her eyes and took a breath before opening them. Something inside of her sensed impending bad news. "What's going on?" She asked, not sure if she actually wanted to know the answer.
He sat in the chair close to the couch and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "She needed an opinion." He watched her for a beat, making her even more nervous. "On a serial."
"What?" That wasn't at all what she expected. "Isn't someone else running her squad right now? She hasn't been discharged from the hospital yet. How in the world did her team stumble on a serial case?"
"In Long Island," Fin added.
Either none of this made sense or she was truly losing her mind. "How the hell did that happen?"
For the first time since the conversation began, Fin looked hesitant. "Uh, Elliot inserted himself into the case. I don't know all the details, but one of the trafficked girls from their Albanian case..." he sighed.
Rita. Damn it.
"It's not pretty. The force out there's pretty small, and the locals aren't cooperative. They've found nine women's bodies. Elliot's girl…" His thought trailed off, but she understood the implication. Rita had been killed, and she was willing to bet he was the one to discover her body.
Without a thought, she stood and snatched her purse from her desk. Her phone tumbled out, and the blank screen taunted her. The damn fool was in way over his head, and he didn't bother calling her. Or calling her back.
She threw her phone into her purse and dug her keys out. Without a word to Fin, she started toward the exit. She was nearly to the doors at the far end of the squadroom when she heard Fin call, "Try not to kill 'em!"
A tense chuckle escaped her lips. With a hand on the door handle, she called back over her shoulder, "No promises!"
-000-
She pulled into a parking space at the address Bell provided after filling her in on the details of the case. She sat for a moment, her fingers turning white as she gripped the steering wheel. She thought the drive would allow her to calm down, but it only gave her time to become more pissed off.
The asshole was suspended and is under IAB investigation. He thought now would be a good time to get heavily involved in a case wayyyyy outside of his jurisdiction. IAB would have a field day with this. Whoever was gunning for his badge had to be thrilled with the turn of events.
She cut the engine and pulled up her notes to find the right room number. She exited her vehicle, tucked her phone into her pocket, and straightened her blazer before finding the door marked with the listed number.
She knocked sharply and waited for the familiar sounds of his heavy footsteps. Silence met her in return, but she knocked again.
This time, she could make out the sounds of talking before the shuffle of footsteps. There was a muttered "shit" spoken before the door flung open.
"You've got to be kidding me," she groaned out loud. "What are you all doing here?" Her eyes swept across the room.
Bobby Reyes stood with his hand still gripping the door knob, Jet sat on the edge of the queen sized bed, and the techie guy that Elliot compared to the antichrist sat at the small breakfast table. All three looked like they had gotten caught with their hands in the cookie jar.
She stepped over the threshold, and her eyes narrowed. "He did not drag all of you into this."
As expected, the team all began talking at once in defense of Elliot. Good Lord, it was a room full of enablers. She understood loyalty. Hell, she understood loyalty to Elliot Stabler, but this was insane. She held up her hand, effectively shutting down the chatter.
Jet stood and took the lead. "He didn't ask us to be here. We kept calling, but he never answered. I triangulated his cell, and we came together." She crossed her arms across her chest. "He told us to go, but we," she nodded in her teammates' direction, "aren't leaving him without backup."
Olivia sighed as she walked further into the room, dropping her purse on the chest of drawers as she passed. She sat on the edge of the bed, opposite where Jet stubbornly stood. "This is really, really stupid," she admonished them. It was stupid, but she was touched by their obvious love and care for the man she loved. "But I'm not ordering you out of here."
Jet sat back down, her relief clearly evident.
""We wouldn't leave anyway," said the man hiding behind the computer screen.
Her head spun around, but Jet jumped in before Olivia had a chance to react. "Shut up, Vargas," she said through her teeth.
The man just looked confused.
Reyes dropped his head into a hand in embarrassment. "Vargas. I'm guessing you haven't met Captain Benson."
Vargas' eyes widened. "Oh," he said with chagrin.
Despite her tense mood, she resided to show the poor man some grace; after all, his comrades looked like they were about to eat him alive.
She reached a hand out. "Olivia Benson, Captain with Manhattan SVU."
"S…sorry." The man was stammering.
"No worries." She released his hand and returned to her seat at the edge of the bed.
"Wait!" Vargas said thoughtfully. "Benson." His eyes lit with enlightenment. "You're that Captain who's friends with Stabler." He seemed too delighted with himself for making the connection. "I saw a picture of you, you know, when I was crashing at his place."
She almost laughed at the daggers shooting from Jet's eyes.
"Vargas, do us a favor and shut up." Reyes begged.
Vargas shrunk behind his monitor, and Olivia was tempted to feel bad for the poor guy, but she was too tired for that. She had other shit to worry about. "Where's Elliot?"
"He went to some diner to get more info from a contact." Jet chimed in.
"Alone?" It really didn't surprise her.
"He wouldn't let us come."
"Good for him." At least he was trying to keep everyone from the potential negative fallout. "How long has he been gone?"
"An hour, maybe," Reyes said as he joined Jet, sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Alright." She processed the information for a moment. She wanted to talk to him, but she didn't exactly want an audience. She knew the conversation would begin professionally, but she was personally pissed at him, and she didn't want to air out their dirty laundry in front of his entire squad. She thought for a moment before reaching for her purse and pulling out her wallet. She pulled out a hundred-dollar bill and held it out for Jet.
"Why don't you guys go get pizza or something?" Her eyes landed on Jet's, knowing she would catch her meaning. "I'll text you when he gets back."
"You don't have to; I mean, we can pay for ourselves." Jet hesitated.
"Nonsense. Think of it as my gift to you, you know, for keeping my partner's stubborn ass alive on a daily basis." Olivia pressed the money into Jet's palm, and she nodded her head with understanding.
"Let's go, guys."
"Wait! I'm supposed to watch this download, but I can't…" Vargas finally looked up from the screen and read the room. "Nevermind." He shut the laptop and stood quickly. "It can render while we are out." He hurried towards the door where Jet and Reyes had already gathered. "It was, um, nice to, uh, meet you, c-captain."
"You too, Vargas," she said kindly.
Once the door shut, she laughed to herself. Elliot probably had way too much fun messing with that guy.
Part two coming soon!
