Heart of a Pirate
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Kingdom Hearts. They belong to Eiichiro Oda and Square Enix respectively.
Last time on Heart of a Pirate:
"Who's that guy, Luffy?" asked Goofy, standing in a battle-ready stance.
The man spread his arms wide, a confident grin appearing on his face as he declared, "The flashiest of the flashy! Far and wide, across the seas, I am known as… Buggy the Clown!"
…
"Who are you?!" Donald demanded.
The smirk returned to the man's face as he spread his arms wide in a dramatic fashion. "The one and only… Mr. 3!"
Chapter 12: Usopp in Wonderland (Part 4)
Title page: Hercules is shown explaining something to a grumpy-looking Phil. A speech bubble stems from him depicting a cartoony version of himself encountering a cartoony version of Zoro sprawled on the ground, a snot bubble coming out of his nose and a speech bubble depicting a large "Z" stemming from him. Another speech bubble below that one shows the cartoon Hercules carrying Zoro on his shoulder to the stable, with an arrow leading to him leaning Zoro against the haystack. Meanwhile, in the background, Zoro has his arms crossed and continues glaring angrily at a confused-looking Pegasus.
Subtitle: "I found him just lying there!"
Several Hours Earlier
0o0o0o0o0o0o—Impel Down, Level 2—o0o0o0o0o0o0
Mr. 3 sighed as he listened to yet more growling and stomping of the various beasts that roamed the hallway in which his prison cell was situated. He had long since stopped being scared, now numb to the shock of seeing their appearances for the first time; so long as he was in his cell and they were outside, they couldn't touch him, so there was little reason to be fearful. It didn't help that when it came to the Manticores, so much of the time, whatever human words they had picked up besides begging for keys included "beef steak" and "panties" and whatever other miscellaneous things the prisoners would say to maintain their sanity; the scariness of your presence tended to be undercut quite a bit when you say silly or perverted things.
But without the adrenaline of being scared, life on the 2nd floor of Impel Down was quite dull. If it weren't for the damnable Seastone cuffs on his wrists, he could at least amuse himself making art with his wax powers, if not outright attempt to escape. But the Marines weren't stupid; they'd done everything possible to make sure he stayed put.
The only thing that gave him anything resembling entertainment value was ruminating on his humiliating defeat on Little Garden. He had been so close, his plan so perfect, Mr. 0's – or rather, Crocodile's – enemies on the ropes and his greatest works of art so well within reach… only to be thwarted by the captain of the Straw Hat Pirates and his long-nosed crewmate, as well that damn duck of Vivi's. In one fell swoop, his entire plan came crashing down, and his standing as an officer agent of Baroque Works was in tatters. And not long after that, Baroque Works as a whole collapsed thanks to the efforts of those same pirates, leaving him high and dry and arrested by the Marines soon after, leading to his current situation.
"That damn long-nose," he grumbled. If it hadn't been for him, Straw Hat would never have been able to free his crew from the wax trap Galdino had set up. His ego stung from the embarrassment he had suffered from that failure; he had never failed a mission before, and yet that long-nosed bastard out-maneuvered him so thoroughly. "I swear, if I ever get out of here, my first order of business is hunting down that little twerp and taking him out, followed by the rest of that damn Straw Hat crew!"
He then sighed; escape Impel Down? Only one man had ever managed that in the decades, if not centuries that this prison had been in operation, and that was around twenty years ago. What chance did Mr. 3 have? It would take a calamity of earth-shaking proportions for him and anyone else to have even a slight chance of escape. All he could do now was sit and wait out his sentence.
At that moment, the Candleman heard a loud scream of terror from down the hallway. At this point, that sort of thing had become white noise for him, so he didn't even bat an eye. But when several of the beasts began roaring all at once from both ends of the hallway, it had his attention. Getting curious, Galdino got up and looked through the bars of his cell.
Barely a moment later, a Basilisk came barreling around a corner, roaring and snapping at what looked like large black bugs all over its body, with even more jumping onto it from both sides. As it began running in Mr. 3's direction, in an effort to shake them off, the giant snake-chicken began bashing its body into the walls on each side of it, knocking stone and cement loose and eliciting screams from the prisoners in the cells in the vicinity of each strike. Mr. 3 let out his own shriek of terror as the creature got close enough to his cell that the floor shook from the force of the latest crash, sending him falling onto his rear.
As the Basilisk passed by, the Candleman finally got a good look at the black creatures swarming it. They looked like oversized insects, but with 4 legs each instead of 6, and had glowing yellow eyes. Were they some new genetic experiment? An attempt to create a new creature with which to terrorize the prisoners, but gone terribly wrong? After all, if they were to be effective at what they did, it wouldn't do for them to be attacking the other beasts. Just what was going on?!
Just then, the former Baroque Works agent noticed a glint of metal in the pile of rubble in front of his cell. Moving towards the bars, he looked outside… and his heart leapt. There, right in front of him, was the rack holding the keys to the cells and shackles!
It was a tricky venture trying to grab them; the Seastone cuffs on his wrists made it difficult to reach far enough through the bars to get a hold of it since the chain forced him to move both arms through, but with a little effort, he managed to grab it. After trying each key in rapid succession, he finally found the one that unlocked his cuffs. Rubbing his wrists in relief, he moved to the door of his cell and tried each key there as well. Soon, the door was open, and Mr. 3 took a look outside.
What he found was absolute chaos. Beasts were running every which way, chasing or being chased by those same black yellow-eyed creatures, smashing into walls and ceilings to get them off their bodies or flat-out attacking them, causing all kinds of destruction in the process. The guards and tamers were out in force to attempt to calm them down, but they soon found themselves caught in the fray as more of those creatures appeared and began attacking them as well, forcing them to forget the beasts and defend themselves. Mr. 3 noticed that each time the black creatures were taken out, they dispersed into black mist. That certainly wasn't normal; what were these things, where did they come from, and how did they get into Impel Down?!
The Candleman briefly considered staying in his cell and pretending he was still locked in until the pandemonium died down, but upon turning around, he found three of the black creatures forming from black portals in the floor inside said cell. There went that idea; he'd have to make a break for it!
Before doing so, however, he grabbed the rack of keys from the doorway of his cell and tossed them in front of a larger cell housing several prisoners. "Use those to free yourselves!" he shouted before running off, cheers of gratitude following him. It wasn't out of any altruism on his part; he just hoped they would serve as a distraction for both the beasts and the yellow-eyed creatures while he ran for the exit stairway. The black bugs were already enough of a distraction as it was, but you could never have too many advantages.
Upon reaching said stairway, a thought occurred to him: Where was the Sphinx? It was supposed to be the boss of the floor and the main guard to the stairway, but the Candleman didn't see it there.
Just then, a particularly loud roar cut through the bedlam and drew Mr. 3's attention. Looking to his left, he saw said Sphinx doing like the Basilisk and thrashing around in a circle, grabbing black creatures off its body with its teeth and hurling them into walls, stomping them into the floor, and crashing into walls to disperse them, all the while shouting 'Udon!' and 'Ramen!' and other such names for noodle dishes. At this rate, the entire floor would collapse before long, and the former Baroque Works agent didn't want to be around when it happened!
With that thought in mind, he formed a quick wax cage to protect himself as he inserted some more wax into the lock for the bars that blocked access to the stairs, feeling out the lock with his power before forming the correct key shape and unlocking it. With a whoop of joy, he dispersed the cage and sprinted up the stairs.
Or he would have… except something had grabbed onto his ankles, very nearly causing him to trip and lose his balance. Looking down, his eyes bugged out in horror as he saw that one of those dark portals had formed directly under his feet, and some black tendrils had slithered out and latched onto his ankles, moving to grab the rest of his legs and body as well.
"No! I was so close! It can't end like this!" Mr. 3 shrieked, clawing at the tendrils and jerking his legs around in a desperate attempt to get free. But the tendrils continued undeterred, now moving past his waist and over his shoulders. He then felt the sensation of being dragged down into the portal.
In desperation, he formed a wax spear and stabbed it into the ground in front of him, holding on for dear life as the tendrils continued to pull at him. But right then and there, the Sphinx appeared at his side, its paw raised to deal a heavy blow to the Candleman. "SOMEN!" it roared before swinging downward.
Screaming in terror, Mr. 3 let go of his spear and let the tendrils drag him down, his head and arms disappearing beneath the floor mere milliseconds before the Sphinx crushed him into paste. He then blacked out.
An indeterminate amount of time later, Mr. 3 awoke in a small clearing within some kind of forest. He looked around, taking stock of the strangely colored trees and other foliage. Ordinarily, he would be over the moon that he was no longer trapped in Impel Down, but without knowing where he was or what kind of environment it was, it was too soon to relax or celebrate.
Looking behind himself, he was surprised to see another person with blue hair with his back to him, dressed in the same prison uniform he himself wore. Said inmate then turned around, revealing a face with a big red nose. "Oh, you're awake, are you?" he said.
"Obviously," Mr. 3 drawled, getting to his feet.
"OK, smartass, just who are you?!" the other man demanded.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I am known as Mr. 3," the Candleman replied.
"Mr. 3, huh? Can't say I've heard of you," the other man said with a hand on his chin.
"Of course not; I specialized in undercover cloak and dagger operations before I was incarcerated," said Mr. 3. He then pushed his glasses up his nose. "But I have heard of you… Buggy the Clown."
"Of course you have!" Buggy said, thumping his chest with a grin. "'Flashy' is my middle name!"
"I do recall seeing your face on occasion in the wanted posters," Mr. 3 replied in a bored voice. "But you were hardly a worthwhile target with the kind of bounty you had."
"Why you…! At least I actually had a bounty!" Buggy ground out.
"As did I, and it was still higher than yours," Galdino smirked.
"Pull the other one! A scrawny little cretin like you could never measure up to me!" the clown pirate shot back.
"It seems we are at an impasse," said Mr. 3 through gritted teeth.
"I can agree with you on that, at least," Buggy growled back, before waving his hand dismissively. "Whatever! Go do what you want! As for me, I'm going to figure out where I am, find my crew, and then get revenge on that damn Straw Hat!"
The Candleman perked up at that last part. "Straw Hat, you say?"
"Yeah! That damn Straw Hat Luffy who… wait, you know him too?"
"So we are speaking of the same person," Galdino replied. "It seems we both have a bone to pick with him and his crew."
"Got that right! It's his fault I got caught by the Marines and sent to Impel Down, among other things!"
"The same goes for me," Mr. 3 commented. "You were in Impel Down as well? How did you escape?"
"I don't know!" replied Buggy, looking a bit frantic. "I was sitting in my cell, then these big black bugs appeared and caused a riot! I managed to get my hands on some keys to get out of my cell and my cuffs, and I also found some weapons, but then I get knocked over, some black hole appears underneath me before I hit the ground, and next thing I know, I wake up here!"
"How uncanny," Mr. 3 muttered. "That is quite similar to how I got here as well."
"Well then, I'd say this is perfect grounds for an alliance!" Buggy proclaimed, puffing out his chest. "We're both Impel Down escapees, we're both stuck on our own, and we're both after the same guy's head! Whaddaya say? Wanna team up?" He held out his hand.
Mr. 3 stared at the hand offered to him. He had little tolerance for fools, but in his experience, even fools could have their uses from time to time, and he had no qualms about kicking him to the curb once he outlived his usefulness. If this guy could be of any use in tracking down and taking out the Straw Hat pirates, he would be hard pressed to refuse. And on top of that, neither of them seemed to know where they were, so any allies were better than none.
"Very well," the Candleman smiled as he clasped the clown pirate's hand. "You have a deal."
Just then, the two convicts heard some commotion in the distance. It sounded like several people talking at once, but one – or in Mr. 3's case, two – of them had voices that sounded very familiar. The two criminals jogged over and crawled through some brush to see who was speaking.
And lo and behold, there he was, in the flesh, along with a few others: Straw Hat Luffy!
Present Time
0o0o0o0o0o0o—Mad Hatter and March Hare's Tea Party—o0o0o0o0o0o0
"Mister who?" asked Donald.
"No surprise you don't know about me," Mr. 3 said as he strolled over to the trapped trio. "Me and my fellow agents – while we were still agents, mind you – prided ourselves on being discreet."
"How did you get here?!" Usopp demanded.
"That's not important," said Mr. 3 as he pushed up his glasses.
"Wait! The others told me about you!" Sora piped up. "You're the guy who can create wax!"
"Indeed, though that knowledge won't help you now," the Candleman smirked.
"Like hell it won't!" Usopp yelled, before turning to the others. "Guys, his weakness is fire! Fire will melt the wax, no matter how strong it is!"
"Good to know!" replied Donald as he raised his staff. But before he could cast a Fire spell, Mr. 3 flung a glob of wax in his direction that knocked the magic tool out of his hand, pinning it to the ground just out of reach. At the same time, he threw out another glob that hit Donald's hand and pinned it to the ground as well, solidifying instantly.
"Ah, ah, ah! No spells for you!" Galdino sing-songed with a small wag of his finger, relishing the furious look the Court Magician sent his way in response. He then turned around to see Usopp reaching for his bag; he promptly kicked said bag away from him. "Doru Doru no Tekase!" he said before creating two U-shaped wax constructs that rammed into the ground around Usopp's wrists, followed by a third that latched onto his leg restraint, anchoring him in place and preventing him from crawling to said bag. "And no little tricks or gadgets for you!" he continued.
"Then how about this?" said Sora with a serious look on his face, having awkwardly gotten to his feet. He then summoned the Keyblade to his hands and got into the best fighting stance he could manage with his legs restrained the way they were. "I might not be able to do magic, but I can still fight you!"
Mr. 3 was not intimidated in the slightest; in fact, he looked mildly amused. "This should be interesting," he mused, that insufferable smirk still present on his face. "Alright then, take your best shot, little boy!"
With a small battle cry, Sora leapt forward, thrusting the Keyblade as he did so. But the Candleman simply stepped sideways, causing the Keybearer to miss; on instinct, he attempted to right himself, but the wax manacle prevented him from moving his legs and feet properly, causing him to trip and flop forward onto his stomach.
"Dear me, child, you did so well against those black monsters earlier, and yet this is all you can do with a slight handicap?" Mr. 3 taunted.
Sora pushed himself to his feet, wobbling slightly before hopping in place to turn himself towards the Candleman. "Don't call me a child!" he growled, before launching himself at him again, this time swinging the Keyblade in a horizontal arc.
"Candle Wall!" the former Baroque Works agent said as he waved his hand upward and generated a vertical slab of wax in front of him. The Keyblade slammed into it, but made no visible mark on it, as if it were made of solid steel. Due to his momentum, Sora wound up crashing into the slab and crumpling to the ground once again.
"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Mr. 3 clicked his tongue with a condescending shake of the head as he stepped out from behind his impromptu structure. "Is this all the Straw Hat crew can muster these days? A little boy with a big toy as his weapon? How disappointing."
"I told you not to call me that!" Sora yelled as he got to his feet once more. "I'm not a kid!"
"You can do it, Sora! I believe in you!" Usopp called out.
"Yeah! Show him who's boss!" Donald cheered.
"Thanks, guys," Sora said with a small smile before moving into position to attack once more.
"They only believe in you because they have no other choice," said Mr. 3 smugly. "And now I'm going to show them how wrong they are!"
"We'll see about that!" Sora declared before leaping forward once more, the Keyblade raised above his head before bringing it down towards the Candleman's head.
CLANG!
In that moment, Mr. 3 pivoted to the side, brought his arm up and knocked the Keyblade right out of Sora's hands; upon a second look, Sora saw a large wax boxing glove over his hand. He then flopped to the ground on his stomach once more, his arms splayed in front of him.
"Doru Doru no Tekase!"
An instant later, two U-shaped wax constructs slammed into the ground over the Keybearer's wrists, pinning them to the forest floor. Sora jerked and pulled at them, but they didn't budge an inch.
"SORA!" Usopp and Donald cried simultaneously.
"I grow bored of this," Mr. 3 said dismissively, before turning his attention back to Usopp, who now looked about ready to wet himself. "You're the one I have business with here." He then began advancing on the pirate with sadistic glee, holding up his hand as some wax began forming a long, solid shape in his palm. "Now it's payback time!"
"USOPP!" Sora cried, redoubling his efforts to escape his bonds, but without success. He could only watch as the Candleman moved to enact his long-awaited revenge on his new friend, helpless to do anything about it.
0o0o0o0o0o0o—Tweedledee and Tweedledum's Clearing—o0o0o0o0o0o0
Goofy cocked his head to the side at Buggy's introduction. "Who?"
Buggy looked crestfallen. "You don't know who I am?!" he cried.
"Can't say that I do," Goofy replied.
"Well, get ready, 'cause you're never gonna forget me after today!" the clown pirate declared as he whipped out his knives once more.
"You just don't give up, do you?" said Luffy as he cracked his knuckles.
"You better believe it, Straw Hat!" said Buggy, crossing his arms in front of him in preparation for throwing the blades.
Before Buggy could make a move, however, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, who hadn't said a word during the entire exchange, zipped around Luffy and Goofy and stood in front of them, colliding with another honk!
"Get out of the way! My business is with Straw Hat!" Buggy yelled.
"Why, exactly, are you so angry at this fellow?" asked Tweedledee.
"Because he humiliated me, and I want revenge!" Buggy growled.
"Why?" asked Tweedledum.
"Didn't you hear me?! He humiliated me! Twice! He stole my treasure AND got me arrested by the Marines!"
"Why?" asked Tweedledee.
"I guess because I was trying to kill him each time… wait, why am I telling you this?!"
"Why?" asked Tweedledum.
"IT DOESN'T MATTER!" Buggy exploded, reaching the limit of his patience with these two. "All that matters is that he ruined my career as a pirate! Now I'll never find Captain John's treasure!"
"Captain John?" the twins replied simultaneously.
"Yes, him! Captain J-…" Buggy ground out, but then paused at what they said. "Wait, you know about Captain John?"
"Oh yes, certainly!" said Tweedledee.
"Lots of notoriety, that one!" said Tweedledum.
"Does that mean you know something about the location of his treasure?!" said Buggy, his eyes lighting up.
"Well, that depends," said Tweedledee.
"The story about him could have some clues," said Tweedledum.
"What story?! Tell me!" Buggy urged, grabbing them both by the collars and shaking them.
"Hmph! You crease our shirts and expect us to tell you something? Preposterous!" Tweedledee said indignantly.
"Indeed! A real gentleman would try to avoid ruining others' clothing!" Tweedledum agreed.
"That's civilized!" the twins said simultaneously, wagging their fingers.
"Eep!" Buggy squeaked as he quickly let go of them and smoothed off their shirts and lapels, a big, sheepish grin on his face. "Sorry, sorry! Got a bit carried away! Will you tell me now?" At this, the twins exchanged a knowing, canny look.
"Nah, you're too busy with that score to settle," said Tweedledee as he and his twin turned around and began walking away nonchalantly, twirling their hats on their fingers.
"Far too busy for stories, what!" Tweedledum agreed.
"PLEASE! PLEEEEAAASE! I'M BEGGING YOU! TELL ME ABOUT CAPTAIN JOHN!" Buggy cried, falling to his knees and clasping his hands in a prayer position.
"Does this guy have ANY pride?" Jiminy muttered.
"I wanna know too! Tell us! Tell us!" said Luffy, joining in on the begging.
"Gawrsh, is he really that famous?" asked Goofy.
"Oh, not you two as well!" Jiminy griped, hopping over onto Luffy's head. "Come on, we don't have time for this! We need to keep looking for evidence!" He proceeded to repeatedly stomp on the pirate captain's head, occasionally pausing to whack his umbrella against it too. But Luffy didn't seem to notice.
Looking ecstatic at the interest in the story, the Tweedle Twins proceeded to grab Luffy and Buggy and sit them down on a nearby log, with Goofy joining them on it soon after. With their audience ready, the twins zipped in a circle and collided with a honk before clearing their throats.
"Captain John…!" began Tweedledee.
"…and His Adventures With First Mate Morgan!" finished Tweedledum.
"What?! I don't remember a 'Morgan' in any stories about Captain John!" Buggy interrupted, only to be shushed by Luffy.
"Shut up! I wanna hear this!" the rubberman hissed. The twins then launched into their tale.
"Oh, Captain John, what an adventurous soul!
Sailing the seas for treasure, how droll!
He and his crew, all of them a tough bunch
Eating wood chips for breakfast and nails for lunch!..."
0o0o0o0o0o0o—Mad Hatter and March Hare's Tea Party—o0o0o0o0o0o0
"WAAAAIIIIITTT!" Usopp screamed as Mr. 3 closed in. All three of him, Sora, and Donald clamped their eyes shut.
THUMP
The clearing was quiet for a moment. Sora and Donald kept their eyes clamped shut, afraid to witness whatever grisly scene awaited them close by.
"Eh? What just happened?"
Sora and Donald's eyes sprang open at the sound of Usopp's voice. They then whipped their heads around to face the pirate, still very much alive and in one piece.
"Usopp!" Sora cried, relieved. "You're alive!"
"Yeah, I'm alive…" the sniper murmured, looking distant for a moment. "I'm alive…" He then gained a look of realization on his face before bursting into crocodile tears. "I'M ALIIIIIVVVVE! I THOUGHT I WAS DONE FOR!"
"Thank goodness he's okay," said Donald, also looking relieved. "But how?"
"Unhand me at once, you ruffians!"
All three of the trio turned their heads towards Mr. 3's shout of indignation; right there, in front of their eyes, was the former Baroque Works agent, currently having each arm held by none other than the Mad Hatter and March Hare. The Candleman's incomplete wax construct lay on the ground right next to Usopp's neck, evidently the result of the Hatter and Hare grabbing him and dragging him backwards, causing him to drop it.
"A new guest! How delightful!" said the Mad Hatter with a grin.
"Yes, yes! Just in time for the fresh tea we brewed!" agreed the Hare.
2 Hours Ago…
"CLEAN CUP! CLEAN CUP!" declared the Mad Hatter, prompting both he and the March Hare to set down their teacups and dash to another pair of chairs at the other end of the table. Unbeknownst to either of them, this caused the two Heartless pouncing towards them from behind to miss by a narrow margin.
Undeterred, said Heartless, now joined by a few others, went scrambling towards their targets, who were now back into their singing of their Unbirthday song. But before they could attack once more, both Hatter and Hare, not caring about making a mess, swung their teacups to and fro in time with the song, splashing the tea every which way except for on themselves. Much of the steaming hot liquid landed on the Heartless, causing them to hiss and shrink back, furiously brushing the offending liquid off themselves.
Two of them made another attempt to jump at them, but at that moment, the March Hare grabbed a nearby teapot. And with a great flourish that knocked the creatures of darkness out of midair, he began refilling his and the Hatter's cups, never once breaking the rhythm of the song or even showing any indication that he had noticed them. The two insectoids went tumbling across the table, knocking more Heartless off the table in the process in a strange domino effect. Shaking themselves off, the dark creatures moved to charge the partiers once more.
At that moment, though, the Heartless froze, their antennae twitching as they looked skyward. They then disappeared into black portals that formed underneath them, leaving the Mad Hatter and March Hare alone with each other once more, blissfully ignorant of the danger they had narrowly avoided.
"I say!" said the Hatter with a surprised expression as he grabbed teapots at random and checked their contents. "There's no more tea in these pots!"
"Unacceptable!" replied the Hare. "It simply isn't an Unbirthday party without tea! We must correct this error posthaste!"
With that, the Hatter and Hare grabbed every teapot they could carry and brought them inside the house, proceeding to brew all the tea they could muster.
Back to Present
"Guest?! What are you talking about?! I have no business with you! Now let go of me!" Mr. 3 snapped as he attempted to slide his arms out of their grip, to no avail.
"Now, now! It's quite rude to leave a party early!" said the Mad Hatter as he began dragging the Candleman towards an open seat.
"I'll say! We're celebrating our unbirthdays, and you want to leave? It's the height of impolite!" said the Hare as both he and the Hatter plopped Mr, 3 into said seat.
"I was never a guest to begin with!" Mr. 3 complained. "And just what is this 'unbirthday' nonsense?!"
The Hatter and Hare gasped dramatically, their hands on their cheeks. "You don't know what an unbirthday is?!" the Hatter yelped.
"He doesn't know what an unbirthday is?!" said the Hare.
"He doesn't know what an unbirthday is!" repeated the Hatter. "How peculiar!"
"Here we go again…" Usopp mumbled under his breath.
"It doesn't matter!" Mr. 3 snapped, rising to his feet and stomping back towards Usopp and the others. "I don't care about unbirthdays or parties or anything like that! Now let me get back to what I was doi - !"
He was interrupted by the Hatter and Hare jumping and grabbing his ankles, causing him to lose his balance and fall forward onto his stomach. He tried to crawl forward, but each party host held him fast by the feet, digging their heels into the dirt.
"Now, now! You haven't even heard what an unbirthday is!" said the Hatter.
"Indeed! And a spot of tea with it would do well to curb that bad mood of yours!" said the Hare.
A light bulb suddenly appeared over the Mad Hatter's head. "And I know just the thing to go with it!" he said as he looked at Usopp's bag, which just so happened to be right next to him at that very moment, and proceeded to rifle through it with one hand.
"Hey! I told you not to mess with my stuff!" Usopp yelled, attempting to stop him but being brought up short by Mr. 3's wax restraints.
"Well, how else am I going to find that wonderful condiment you so kindly let us try earlier?" the Hatter replied cheerfully, much to Usopp's frustration. But he also found himself confused by that statement; what condiment?
"Ah, here it is!" The green-clad man pulled out the bottle of Tabasco sauce with a flourish.
Seriously?! They actually LIKED that stuff?! Usopp thought incredulously. How can ANYONE enjoy something spicy enough to make them spew fire?!
He stopped short at that thought, the gears beginning to turn in his head as he looked towards the bottle, then to Mr. 3, and finally to the wax restraints on himself and his companions. Slowly, a wicked smile took over his face as he got a wonderful idea.
"I'm so glad to hear you enjoyed it so much!" the liar spoke up, putting on an overly cheerful and energetic voice like a salesman. "But do you know who REALLY enjoys it?" He nodded towards Mr. 3. "Him!"
"Me?! What are you talking about?!" snapped Mr. 3 from his position on his stomach.
"It's his favorite thing in the world!" Usopp continued. "Nothing satisfies him more! He likes it so much, he drinks it straight from the bottle!"
"Utterly absurd!" Mr. 3 spluttered. "You're just making things up! There's NO way I would ever - !"
PLUNK
The Mad Hatter promptly opened the bottle and shoved it into Mr. 3's mouth.
"Well, why didn't you say so?" said the Hatter with his usual grin. "We would be horrid party hosts if we didn't make sure our guests were satisfied with the refreshments!"
"Yes, yes! Always best to share!" agreed the Hare.
On pure reflex, Mr. 3 took a gulp of the red liquid. And then another gulp. And another, and another, and another, until the bottle was at least half empty. With each swallow, his face got redder and redder, sweat pouring down his forehead and cheeks and the sound of a whistling teakettle coming from his ears.
"Brace yourselves, guys! Turn your heads away and close your eyes!" Usopp called out to Sora and Donald. They promptly did so.
The Hatter then took the bottle back out of the Candleman's mouth as what sounded like rumbling came from behind his lips. Then…
FWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSHHHHHH!
"HOOOOOOOOOTTTTTT!"
With the sound of a train whistle, a gigantic gout of flame blasted forth from Mr. 3's mouth, washing over the trio. It remained steady for several seconds, during which the wax restraints in which they were trapped began to melt. Once they could move freely, Usopp jumped up, snatched up his bag as well as Donald's staff, and grabbed the other two by the arm. "This way! Quick!" he said as he dragged them off back into the forest the way they came.
"Good thinking, Usopp!" Sora said with a smile as he rapidly slapped at the small bits of flame that had sprung up on his hair and clothing to put them out. All three of him, Usopp, and Donald looked like they had been dusted with ash and soot. "I thought you were just exaggerating when you said the Tabasco sauce made people breathe fire!" He winced slightly when patting a burned area of his skin, but resumed his smile. "A bit on the toasty side, but you saved us! Thanks!"
"Was there ever any – ooh! – doubt?" Usopp replied with a proud grin on his face, all the while patting out bits of flame on his own body with a wince of his own.
Donald coughed out a bit of soot after slapping out a bit of fire on his tail. "Geez Louise! I thought I was gonna be a roast duck for a minute!" he grumbled. His face then softened. "But thanks… you saved us." He chose not to mention that he could have used his magic even without his staff; in the heat of the moment, he had completely forgotten, having grown used to using a magic implement so much.
Usopp looked gratified for a moment, before sliding back into his confident persona. "Don't worry about it! All in a day's work for the great Captain Usopp!" said the sniper as he pumped his fist in the air.
After Donald used a quick Cure spell on everyone to heal any burns, the trio set off at a jog on the path, putting as much distance between themselves and Mr. 3 as possible.
0o0o0o0o0o0o—Tweedledee and Tweedledum's Clearing—o0o0o0o0o0o0
"…Morgan gave up his life for the sake of his friend
So John could live; a true brother to the end!
And so, with his best friend now left, dead and gone,
He swore to keep living: The Great Captain John!
The End!"
As Tweedledee and Tweedledum wrapped up their story, both Luffy and Buggy were crying hysterically as they hugged each other. "That was beautifu-hu-hu-hulll!" Buggy bawled.
"You said it! They're real men!" Luffy blubbered as fountains of tears sprayed from his eyes.
"What a great story," Goofy sniffled, dabbing at his eyes with a handkerchief.
"Alright, I'll admit it was rather touching," Jiminy said with a small smile.
"Aye, 'twas," said Tweedledee wistfully.
"And a good moral, too!" continued Tweedledum.
Luffy and Buggy didn't seem to be listening as they linked arms with each other and began singing and dancing, praising the exploits of Captain John and First Mate Morgan.
"Oh Captain John and Morgan, what loyal souls! What knack!
They could always count on each other to have the other's back!"
The song continued in a similar vein for a while, the two of them making up whatever rhymes immediately came to mind. They were soon joined by Tweedledee, Tweedledum, and Goofy, all having fun in the emotional high of the story they had just heard. Only Jiminy seemed to be sitting it out, rolling his eyes at what was happening, but it did little to dampen everyone's mood.
After a few minutes of this, Goofy pulled Luffy away from Buggy by the arm, saying they had to be on their way. "We'll meet again! I promise!" Luffy said tearfully, both him and Goofy waving goodbye as they went back into the forest.
"Of course we will! Farewell!" Buggy replied, enthusiastically waving back as tears continued to fall from his eyes. Once they disappeared into the darkness of the trees, he turned back around to the Tweedle Twins. "Thank you for such a great story! I'll remember it until my dying day!" he sniffled.
"Happy to be of service!" said Tweedledee with a smile.
"Aye! Always makes us happy to make others happy!" said Tweedledum with a smile of his own.
"But we best be on our way too!" said Tweedledee.
"Yup! Got plenty to do in our neck of the woods!" said Tweedledum.
"Of course! Don't let me keep you!" said Buggy, waving goodbye as they made their own exit into a different part of the forest.
He then turned around, clasping his hands under his chin as he basked in the afterglow of what had just transpired. Such a magnificent story! Heard in such a magical place! With such wonderful friends!
Wonderful… friends…
"Hey, WAIT A MINUTE!"
Sora's Group
"What the heck? This isn't where we came from!" Sora exclaimed. "I mean, we did come from here to get to the courtroom and then the forest, but… never mind, you know what I mean!"
Sora, Donald, and Usopp had backtracked through the forest on the path they had taken to get to the tea party, hoping to find the fork they had split up from and wait for Luffy, Goofy, and Jiminy to return. But instead, after moving through a particularly dark spot in the brush, they found themselves back in the room where they had first shrunk and entered the hedge maze that led them to the courtroom.
Except… they were on the ceiling!
Now everything was upside-down!
"GYAAAHHH! This place just keeps screwing with my head! Why can't anything make sense around here!?" Usopp wailed, clutching his head.
"Can't say I disagree…" Donald muttered.
"How did this even happen? We left on the same path we took to start with! We didn't even go through any kind of doorway!" Sora exclaimed.
"I stopped asking questions like that a long time ago," Usopp groaned.
"Wait, what's that?" piped up Donald as he waddled over to the base of one of the ceiling lamps.
"What is it, Donald?" asked Sora, both him and Usopp wandering over. Getting closer, they saw what looked like another pink checkered box that looked exactly like the previous one they had found close to the Mad Hatter and March Hare's tea party.
"I think it's more evidence," the Court Magician said. "But just to be sure…" He took out his staff and performed the scanning spell once again. "OK, it's safe."
Sora then picked up the box and opened it. Inside was a clump of dirt with a pair of slash marks carved into it.
"What kind of evidence is THIS?" Usopp asked incredulously.
"They kind of look like they came from the Heartless' claws," Sora mused. "This definitely looks like evidence."
"Correct. Well done," came a familiar voice from behind the trio, causing them to jump. Turning around as one, they found the Cheshire Cat standing on one of the slanted parts of the ceiling just above them.
"It's you! Just what the heck are you up to?!" shouted Donald.
"That's for me to know, and you to find out," the feline grinned.
"Come on! Can't you be clear about SOMETHING?!" Usopp begged. "Just what is going on?! Why are we on the ceiling?!"
"To your first question, you've found the third piece of evidence, and the fourth will soon also be found," the Cat replied. "To your second, the reason 'why' shall remain a mystery. But if you're wondering 'how'… the reason is about to show itself." The Cat then faded away.
"Huh?" wondered Usopp, scratching his head. "'The reason is about to show itself'? What does that me-"
The sniper was interrupted by a swarm of Heartless materializing from the ground all around the trio.
"Heartless again!" Donald shouted as he readied his staff, the other two following suit with their own respective weapons. The three noticed that among these, there was a new Heartless that looked just like the red hourglass type from earlier, but were coloured blue. They didn't have time to ponder it, though, as the creatures of darkness closed in on the trio, prompting another small battle.
Luffy's Group
"What on earth? How did we get back here?" wondered Jiminy.
Just like Sora, Donald, and Usopp, Luffy, Goofy, and Jiminy had attempted to find the fork where they had agreed to meet back up, but after going through a dark patch in the forest, ended up somewhere completely different. The trio now found themselves back in the room where they had first shrunk and entered the hedge maze that led them to the courtroom. But to their great surprise, they were standing on one of the walls as if it were the floor, gravity now appearing to act sideways.
In front of them was a large faucet sticking sideways out of the wall, behind which was a large yellow vase with its opening adjacent to the spigot. And to the side of that was a large pink cabinet filled with plates, and next to that was the fireplace and chimney, acting as a large barrier to the other side of the wall.
"COOL! We're walking on the walls!" said Luffy excitedly, jumping around and fiddling with various items on the shelves.
"That is pretty neat, a-hyuck!" Goofy marveled as he looked around, then at his feet, then up again.
"But it still doesn't make sense! How did this happen?" Jiminy wondered, scratching his head. "That Usopp fella wasn't kidding; this place really is a madhouse!"
"I wonder if this does anything…" said Luffy as he took hold of the faucet handle and turned it like a ship wheel. Sure enough, water began flowing out of the spigot, filling up a nearby vase on the floor, though from the trio's perspective, it was all sideways. The water stopped flowing once it was full.
"COOOOOLLL!" Luffy marveled.
"Ain't that weird?" said Goofy. "The water still falls to the floor, but we don't!"
"That is strange," Jiminy muttered.
"Hey, check it out! Another box!" said Luffy, holding up another pink box from near the faucet. "Let's see what's in this one!" He then pulled the lid off the box… and quickly closed it again. "Eww, that stinks! I don't want it anymore!" he complained, dropping the box to the ground as he held his nose.
"Wait, Luffy! It's probably more evidence!" Jiminy cried as Goofy ran over. "The box looks the same as the one we grabbed before!"
"You're absolutely correct. Nice going," came a familiar voice from nearby. The trio turned towards the source and found the Cheshire Cat lounging on the side of the chimney, still grinning in the usual way.
"You again!" exclaimed Luffy.
"Indeed," the Cat replied. "Congratulations on finding the final piece of evidence."
"'Final'? This is only the second one we've found! Didn't you say there were four in total?" asked Jiminy.
"Indeed, but who said you three are the only ones to find them?" the Cat grinned back.
"So does that mean the others found some too?" asked Goofy.
"Perhaps, perhaps not," the Cat replied vaguely. "But you will soon find out."
"Oh, for Pete's sake, we don't need more confusion right now! This place is doing enough of it without you!" Jiminy complained.
"Oh, it's not this place that brings you such confusion," said the purple and pink feline. "It's the shadows that have invaded." He then looked to the side. "And speaking of which…" The Cat then disappeared.
Just as a swarm of Heartless materialized from the ground.
"More Heartless!" cried Jiminy as Goofy and Luffy got into combat stances. The black creatures lunged at the trio, and the battle was on once more.
Sora's Group
"Fire!" Donald cried as a ball of orange flame flew from his staff and struck one of the blue Heartless, dispersing it. With that, the trio was alone once more.
"That's all of them, I think," said Sora, wiping his brow.
"For now," said the Court Magician, putting his staff away before proceeding to collect the various Blaze Shards left behind by the red Heartless, soon joined by Sora and Usopp. They also found a new type of shard left behind by the blue Heartless, which Donald confirmed to be Frost Shards.
"But what was that about?" piped up Usopp. "The cat said that 'the reason is about to show itself'; does that mean the Heartless are behind us being on the ceiling?"
"Bingo," came the voice of the Cheshire Cat from the side. Less surprised this time, the trio turned to see him perched upside-down on the underside of one of the chandeliers. "But now that you have banished them… well, I'm sure you can figure out what happens next." He faded away once more.
"WHOA!"
"WAAAK!"
No sooner had the Cheshire Cat disappeared than the trio found themselves lifted off the ceiling and falling towards the floor!
"AAAAHHHH! WHY DIDN'T YOU WARN US EARLIER?!" Usopp screamed as he flailed about, trying to re-orient himself. The two others did the same, trying to flip themselves over to at least land on their feet. Looking down, they found themselves rapidly approaching the seat of an armchair. At least the landing would be somewhat cushy, they thought.
But to their surprise, some kind of hole opened up in the seat, wide enough for all three of them to fall through. They only had enough time to glimpse a bunch of greenery before their fall took them through it, leading to a bizarre feeling in their respective guts as the gravity suddenly shifted from downward to sideways, leading to them making contact with a patch of grass. Due to their momentum from their fall, they wound up tumbling across said grass until hitting a nearby hedge wall. Their movement halted, the trio fell on top of each other in a heap.
"Uggghhh…" groaned Sora. "Let's never do that again."
"Agreed," said Donald, looking slightly ill.
"But what was that?" asked the Keybearer as he untangled himself from Donald and Usopp. "We were gonna hit the chair, but now we're somewhere else completely! What's happening?"
"Darned if I know," the duck replied, getting to his feet. The two of them then looked over at Usopp, who hadn't even moved yet.
"Crazy room scary… crazy room scary…" the sniper whispered over and over, his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Sora and Donald sweatdropped at the sight.
"…DROWN!" came the sound of Luffy's voice behind the trio, followed by some thumps and the sound of rustling, which snapped Usopp out of his reverie. The three of them turned their heads to see Luffy and Goofy laying in a heap near another hedge wall.
Luffy's Group, Moments Earlier
"All right! We got 'em!" Luffy cheered as the last Heartless dispersed under his fist.
"Nice work!" said Goofy as he put his shield away.
"Nicely done," said the Cheshire Cat as he reappeared on the faucet, making the three jump. "But now that you've banished them… well, you're about to find out!" He then disappeared once again.
"Huh? What does he mean?" wondered Jiminy.
"WAGH!"
Just then, with a simultaneous yelp, the trio felt a sudden bizarre sensation as they began falling sideways; apparently, the room's gravity had shifted back to normal. And since they had been standing between the faucet and the vase, they now found themselves plummeting towards the now-full vessel of water!
"Oh no! I can't swim!" cried Luffy, gesticulating wildly as the mouth of the vase rapidly approached. "I'M GONNA…!"
The three world-hoppers fell into the vase before the rubberman could finish…
…and then immediately found themselves rolling across grass.
"…DROWN!" finished Luffy, right before the trio hit a hedge, stopping their movement. They then collapsed on top of each other in a heap.
"Goodness! What just happened?" asked Jiminy as he crawled out from under his two companions.
"Luffy! Goofy! Jiminy!" cried Sora as he jogged over, followed by Donald and Usopp. "We finally found you!"
"Eh? I thought we were about to fall into water…" Luffy wondered, sitting up with one hand on his hat and looking around. He then spotted Sora running over. "Oh! Hey, Sora!" he greeted with a wave as he stood up.
"Hiya, Donald!" Goofy waved, also getting to his feet. He raised an eyebrow at their still slightly scorched appearances. "Did ya get stuck in a chimney or somethin'?"
"Oh good! You're all here too!" said Jiminy.
"Perfect! Saves us all the trouble of looking!" said Donald.
"You're finally here! I wasn't sure how much more I could take of this place!" Usopp blubbered.
"You're telling me! We've got quite the story for you!" replied Jiminy.
"We've got one for you, too!" said Sora. "We got ambushed by this guy called…!"
"A-HEM!"
BANG! BANG! BANG!
The spiky-haired boy was interrupted by the sound of someone loudly clearing their throat and banging a gavel. The group looked over and saw that they were now standing back in the courtroom they had left just hours earlier. The Queen of Hearts now stared at the six of them from her judge's seat with an impatient expression on her face.
"You've finally returned, I see; I trust you've found the evidence you promised?" the Queen asked with the air of someone who had already won.
"Mister Usopp! Everyone! Thank goodness you've returned!" cried Alice from her cage, looking relieved.
"Of course we've returned!" said Usopp with a confident grin and a thumbs-up. "The Great Captain Usopp always delivers on his promises!"
"Don't worry, Alice! You'll be out of there soon!" said Sora.
Donald and Goofy proceeded to rifle through their respective bags and pulled out the pink boxes each group had happened upon, laying them on the ground in front of the Queen's bench. "Is that enough evidence for you?" said Donald with a smirk.
The Queen's expression didn't change. "Well, that's certainly a lot of evidence, but I'm still not impressed." She then looked to the side. "Cards! Bring forth my evidence!"
Three card guards marched in from the side, one of whom carried a pink box similar to the group's, and laid said box among the ones already there.
"Hmmm, looking over all five would only be a waste of time," said the Queen. "Cards!"
The three card guards then surrounded the boxes and began shuffling them around.
"Hey, what are you doing?!" shouted Usopp.
"SILENCE!" the Queen bellowed. The sniper shrank back, cowering and whimpering. After a few moments, the cards stopped and moved back, all five boxes in a straight line.
"All right, then, choose the piece of evidence you wish to present," said the Queen, looking smug. "I'll decide who's guilty based on that."
"What? After all the trouble we went to collecting them?!" Sora sputtered.
"You dare object?!" the Queen thundered. "Then you will lose your head!"
"Nononononono! That won't be necessary!" Usopp quickly cut in, waving his hands with a nervous grin on his face. "We'll choose! We'll choose!"
"Then choose! One box!" the Queen demanded.
The group looked over the boxes; which one would be correct? Sure, they were almost guaranteed to be correct since only one of them was the Queen's, but they still needed to be careful. But all the boxes looked the same; how would they figure out what to choose?
"This one! This one!"
The group collectively whipped their heads in the direction of Luffy's voice, and sure enough, there stood the Straw Hat captain, holding up the middle box. "LUFFY!" everyone shouted simultaneously.
"What? She said pick one box, so I did!" Luffy replied.
"YOU DIDN'T EVEN CONSULT US FIRST!" Donald screamed.
"The evidence has been chosen!" spoke the Queen. "Now open it and reveal its contents!"
Luffy proceeded to pull the top off the box…
…and out popped a Heartless!
"What the hell?! That's not what any of our evidence looked like!" Usopp exclaimed.
"I'll take care of it!" said Sora as he summoned the Keyblade into his hands. With a single well-placed strike, the creature of darkness burst into black mist and a small glowing heart floated into the sky.
"What in the world was that?!" gasped the Queen.
"Your evidence; one of those creatures was the real culprit," replied Sora. "Alice is innocent!"
"Rrrrrrrgh…" the Queen growled, frustrated. After a moment, she appeared to decide something.
"Silence! I'm the law here!" she shouted, pounding the bench with her fists. "Article 29 of the official lawbook: Anyone who defies the Queen is guilty!"
"That's crazy! You just made that up!" Donald yelled.
"Cards! Seize them at once!" the Queen demanded.
As one, the card guards turned towards the group. One remained behind and rotated a wheel built into the wall, causing a curtain to wrap around Alice's cage before rotating it 180 degrees. The rest readied their weapons and charged at the group, prompting a battle once more.
Author's Note:
Sorry for the wait, folks; the chapter might have been out earlier, but I was on vacation with my family last month, so I didn't have a lot of opportunity to work on the story. And after that, I needed time to rest up, so my mind wasn't entirely on writing during that time.
Major thank you to FictionReader98 and Zoneshifter_D for their help with this chapter; the whole 'campfire story' scenario with Buggy was their idea, including the Captain John side of it, with a little bit of my own personal touch added to it. Without it, I don't think the encounter with Buggy would have been nearly as interesting or fun, so big thanks to you two for that!
I hope I didn't disappoint you all by skipping over the story that Tweedledee and Tweedledum told; I originally had a vague idea of a story very loosely based on a Randy Feltface sketch, but I ultimately decided it would be more narratively appropriate to leave it to the reader's imagination (plus, I don't really know of a short but touching bromance that would get the kind of reaction from Buggy and Luffy that I show in this chapter; if nothing else, imagine something along the lines of the movie RRR). And on top of that, it would take a long time to make such a story into poem form, and I've kept you waiting for more of this story long enough as it is. Maybe when I do the HD Remix, I could include an actual story, but don't hold me to that.
And believe it or not, the name Morgan does NOT come from the brand of rum; it's from the Randy Feltface sketch where he buys a bookshelf on Gumtree; go look it up if you're looking for a good laugh :)
I gotta say, I've enjoyed writing the Cheshire Cat more than I thought I would; I'm going to miss him after this arc is over.
Big thanks to FictionReader98 for beta-reading this chapter!
That's all I've got to say for now. Thanks for reading, and look forward to the next one!
Techniques used in this chapter:
Candle Wall: Mr. 3 generates a wax wall to defend against an attacking enemy. It is strong enough to withstand most blunt attacks, including many of Luffy's attacks.
Doru Doru no Tekase: Translation: Wax Wax Shackle. Mr.3 generates wax constructs in the shape of a "U" and embeds them into the ground over opponents' limbs to restrain them in place. Original technique.
The group has now proven Alice's innocence, but the Queen refuses to listen! How will they escape? Will they be able to save Alice? And what have Mr. 3 and Buggy been doing this whole time? Stay tuned for the next exciting chapter of Heart of a Pirate!