Chapter 29

When Pepper got up the next morning, the bed next to her was empty. She put on only a light dressing gown and went to look for Tony. Pepper found him on the balcony, looking out over the ocean. For a moment she just watched him standing there. He didn't have a shirt on, just his long silk pajama pants, and Pepper felt her cheeks start to glow.

She could hardly believe it. This was a dream. It had to be a dream. She'd been kind of close to him for years, but it had always been clear to her that he wasn't a man to date, a man to have a serious relationship with. She had been attracted to him even before Afghanistan, there had always been a certain dynamic between them. However, after his return he had shown more sides of himself, and by that time she had probably really fallen in love with him, but never allowed herself to act on her feelings. Because she thought it would be pointless. Tony was an unreachable person, surrounded by the walls he had built up over decades. So could it be true that she, Pepper, had broken through all those walls? Could it really be that Tony had opened up to her? That he, too, had fallen in love with her?

As she stepped out barefoot, Tony turned to her and immediately put on that charming smile she had always loved about him. Pepper looked into Tony's deep brown eyes and felt as if she could lose herself in them. Tony pulled her into a long and intimate embrace and she enjoyed every second of it. His warmth, his scent, his heartbeat. To be held in this man's arms was the greatest gift she had received in a long time. It was like salvation after a long, long road of abstinence.

Pepper felt his hand on her back and shivered. It felt so good, but something in the back of her mind pricked her. It was so overloaded with feelings of infatuation that she could barely comprehend it. But she sensed it was there.

Was it the right thing? It definitely felt like it was. But was it? So fresh after his withdrawal? He hadn't even had time to figure out what was coming next. Could this even work? Or would she just be another one of his numerous distractions? Again she thought it didn't feel like that, it felt real, it felt genuine, it felt so intense. And yet, maybe it was too soon. Maybe they should have waited.

"What are you thinking about?" Tony asked, smiling at her.

"You," Pepper replied honestly, but without elaborating.

Then she gave herself a jolt and pushed the unpleasant thoughts to the back of her mind, where she thought they belonged. She was an overthinker, always had been. She didn't want this moment to be ruined by some stupid thoughts.

"I've been thinking about you too," Tony said, kissing her gently. "Are you going to work for me again?"

"Yes," Pepper said without hesitation, realizing the relief she immediately felt.

"I know this is a strange time to ask... now and after all this... and in general."

"Yes."

"But I don't even know who's running the company right now. Like - seriously, who's in charge right now?" He made a silly face, although it wasn't really that funny.

"I said yes," Pepper repeated. "It would be great to get both back. The job and the boss. And someone has to keep you in line."

Tony grinned and pulled her close. "Lucky me, it's you."

Later that day, Pepper and Tony drove to Los Angeles with the top down and headed for Griffith Park, followed by Shaw and Bennett in a black Cadillac. As they walked through the park, the sun burned down on them. They found a shady bench and sat down, comfortable in the easy silence between them. Tony turned to Pepper, a smile on his lips.

"You know," he began, "I've been thinking..."

Pepper raised an eyebrow, a playful smirk forming on her face. "Oof, here we go. That's always dangerous."

Tony chuckled.

"True. But seriously, I've been thinking about us." He paused, looking slightly nervous, a rare sight for him. "It gives me so much, Pep. It gives me... hope. And... so much more. And I think I'm happy. Truly happy."

"Me too, Tony," Pepper said, biting her lip. "It's still unbelievable to me."

"Well, you never know what you're going to discover until you try something new. Like... dating your assistant, for instance." He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Pepper rolled her eyes, but couldn't hide her smile. "And how's that experiment going for you?"

Tony pretended to think for a moment, then nodded. "It's my best work so far. Though I think we need more data to come to a conclusive result." He leaned closer, his voice dropping to a playful whisper. "What do you say we run a few more tests?"

Pepper laughed and gently pushed him away. "You are such a dork," she said, but there was no hiding the warmth in her voice.

"God... I really love you," Tony sighed.

The words hung in the air and Tony looked as if he had just surprised himself. He quickly added with a sheepish grin, "Wow, did I just say that? I must be sick or something. Maybe Jarvis should run a diagnostic."

"Well, if you're sick, then it's contagious," Pepper said. "Because I think I love you, too."

Tony feigned shock and dramatically placed a hand over his heart. "You love me? That disease must be nasty!"

They laughed, the moment light yet filled with a deeper, unspoken understanding. Tony reached out and took Pepper's hand in his.

"So, what does this mean? Are we... official? Because I need to know if I need to start making plans to impress you with my amazing cooking skills or something."

"Cooking skills, huh? I'm pretty sure your version of cooking involves actually getting sick."

"Hey," Tony protested, mockingly offended. "I can make an excellent omelet. Well, probably not that excellent. But fine, I'll up my game. Anything for you, Miss Potts."

"Well, Mr. Stark, then I guess we are official," Pepper smiled, a warm glow going through her.

They sat together for a while, watching the people as they walked by, played a game of Frisbee, or just sat on the grass.

"You know," Tony murmured, "I don't think I've ever been this happy just doing nothing."

"It's not nothing," Pepper replied quietly, squeezing his hand. "It's... everything."

"My queen is poetic too. That's nice."

Pepper gave him a light pat on the head and laughed. It was so easy to laugh with him, and as if every bit of tension that arose was instantly released. Tony looked at her again and smiled. "I guess this means we're really doing this, huh?"

Pepper nodded, her eyes shining with emotion. "Yeah, I guess we are."

Tony grinned and Pepper felt a sense of satisfaction she hadn't felt in a long time. "Well then, Miss Potts, here's to us and whatever crazy adventures lie ahead."

"God, I hope not. I think we already had the crazy part."

They both laughed, the sound echoing softly through the park. Just then, a small dog ran toward them, tail wagging.

"What a cute little guy," Tony said, stroking the dog behind its ears until its owner called him back. "Let's get a dog."

"No," Pepper said, stating it very clearly.

"Yeah, no," Tony said, leaning back again. "But maybe yes."

Pepper just rolled her eyes. Some things never changed, and somehow she liked that.

"You're what?"

"A couple."

"A couple?"

"A couple."

Rhodey stood in the living room with an incredulous expression on his face, staring at Pepper and Tony. Pepper immediately noticed Rhodey's reticence. Annoyed, she noticed that the prickle in the back of her mind was growing stronger again, telling her that not everyone thought it was a good idea to jump into this relationship so quickly. Tony didn't seem to notice - or at least he didn't show it, leaning casually against a wall and snapping his fingers. The fact that he looked like the old Tony when he did that reassured Pepper a little. Cocky and full of confidence.

"How did it come to this?" Rhodey asked, his gaze resting entirely on Tony.

"Don't you think congratulations would be more appropriate?" Tony replied, letting his bored gaze wander out the window. "Are you jealous that you didn't get the beautiful lady?"

Rhodey crossed his arms and the line between his eyes refused to disappear.

"Of course I congratulate you," Rhodey said then. "It just comes as a surprise. I wonder why now?"

Tony didn't seem to have an answer for that, as he just shrugged his shoulders in disinterest. Then he slowly walked over to Pepper and put his arm around her hips. The simple touch made her feel hot all over again.

"Wanna stay for dinner, Rhodey?" Tony asked, giving Pepper a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Sure," Rhodey replied, his eyes now on Pepper. "I'm sure you have a lot to tell."

Rhodey watched Tony in a certain way. As if he was trying to get inside Tony's head and see behind his facade, which Tony was undoubtedly doing a pretty good job of keeping shut at the moment.

"Something's bothering you," Pepper said, because she couldn't stand Rhodey's skeptical stare.

"No, nothing's bothering me," Rhodey said, smiling almost apologetically at Pepper. "I'm sorry if it came across that way. I think it's great. It's not like I didn't see it coming. The way you two acted when you were just in a room together. I'm happy for you."

Rhodey stayed for dinner and it was surprisingly fun. Seeing Tony so relaxed and cool gave Pepper a comforting feeling, and it seemed to calm Rhodey as well. However, when Tony went to the bathroom at some point, Rhodey scowled at Pepper.

"So you do have a problem," she concluded.

"Of course I do," Rhodey said in surprise. "Pepper... what are you doing?"

Pepper sensed what Rhodey was getting at and she began to feel guilty.

"Tony's not ready for this," Rhodey added.

"How do you know that?" Pepper asked defensively.

"Pepper... he is not. What he needs now is structure, support... or therapy... but not a relationship out of nowhere!"

"It doesn't come out of nowhere! This -"

"I hope you know what you're doing. For Tony's sake. But also for your own sake. This is not going to be a relationship of love, peace and harmony."

"I know that!" Pepper said, noticing that she was getting angry. "Tony is not a child, neither am I. Besides, I didn't plan this, it just happened and it feels right."

Rhodey sighed and rubbed his neck.

"I don't understand. I mean, I get it, this thing between you two, and I think you're good for each other, don't get me wrong - but I don't understand why you're letting this happen right now. Why don't you give Tony time to come to terms with the new situation, to process it, to get back on track? 'It just happened and it feels right', that doesn't sound like you, Pepper. I think it's not the right time."

"And I think you're overstepping your boundaries right now. I am capable of making my own decisions. Why do you want to spoil it for us?"

"Spoil it? Pepper, I'm worried. I want you to be okay, both of you. Have you forgotten what he's been like these past few months? You have to be careful..."

But at that moment, Tony returned to them and Rhodey went quiet. He didn't bring up the subject of timing again for the rest of the night, but Pepper became nervous and thoughtful even without Rhodey's further elaboration.

Tony and Pepper spent a few days exclusively at his estate. Tony didn't need anything else. He was on cloud nine. He couldn't say he'd ever felt anything so intense. He had never been the relationship type, avoiding intimacy and not getting involved in anything long-term. With Pepper, however, he clearly felt how much he had missed that closeness all these years. How much he wanted to have someone by his side. Someone who loved him.

The days went by without him noticing. Every moment with Pepper was wonderful. And he had to admit that it was a pleasant distraction. When he was with Pepper, he didn't have to think about the terrible withdrawal, he didn't have to think about the bad memories of his captivity, and as long as Pepper was next to him at night, he didn't have any nightmares. Tony just enjoyed the feeling. He felt free - and in love.

"I'd like to go out for dinner with you tonight. Is that okay?" Pepper asked one evening, just out of the shower and wearing only a towel.

"Sure," Tony replied, sitting on an armchair in the bedroom, watching Pepper drop her towel and pick out a dress. "You can stay like that. Naked, I mean."

"Uh-huh," Pepper nodded playfully, choosing a tight, dark blue dress.

"I mean it. You look even better naked than in that dress. Or other dresses... or any other clothes."

"You think all women look better naked, Tony."

"All of them?" Tony exclaimed, his face contorted. "For God's sake, Pepper, no!"

Pepper laughed briefly and slipped into the dress. They shared another lighthearted moment. There were plenty of such moments. Tony, with his usual charisma, told a story from his wild past, exaggerating details to make Pepper laugh. She rolled her eyes playfully, matching his energy with her own quick wit. They bantered back and forth, enjoying the easy chemistry that had always existed between them, but now seemed to be unleashed.

As Tony leaned back, still chuckling, he suddenly felt a wave of anxiety wash over him. It hit him out of nowhere - a familiar tightening in his chest, a quickening of his heartbeat. He tried to keep his expression neutral, not wanting to alarm Pepper, but the sensation was overwhelming. The absence of alcohol to dull these feelings was striking, and he realized with a jolt how much he had relied on it in the past to get through such moments. It felt like a reflex to reach for a bottle, but there wasn't one.

Pepper seemed to have noticed his sudden silence and the way his smile faded.

"Tony?" she asked softly, her eyes searching his face. "Are you okay?"

He forced a smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Just... lost in thought," he mumbled, trying to brush it off.

But the tightness in his chest wouldn't go away, and he felt an uncomfortable vulnerability creep in. The realization that this could happen even with Pepper by his side was another blow to his guts. Of course, this was to be expected. It wasn't over just because he got a nice girlfriend.

Pepper didn't push, but she sat down on the side of the chair and her hand found his. Her touch was grounding, but Tony couldn't shake the unease. It was a moment in stark contrast to the laughter they'd shared moments earlier - a reminder that recovery was complex and fraught with unexpected challenges. Because it wasn't just anxiety. It was also a craving for relief, a craving for numbness - a craving for alcohol.

Tony took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. He didn't want to burden Pepper with his fears, especially not now when things were supposed to be good. But he also knew that he couldn't pretend that everything was perfect.

"Just... give me a minute," he murmured, closing his eyes, his voice tense.

Pepper nodded, her expression one of quiet understanding. She stayed close, saying nothing, just being there. And while the rising panic gripped him, knowing Pepper was there made it a little more bearable.

As Tony sat there, struggling to control his breathing, Pepper continued to hold his hand. The room was quiet except for the low hum of the air conditioning and Tony's slightly labored breathing. After a few minutes, he finally looked at her, his eyes reflecting a mixture of gratitude and frustration.

"I hate this," he muttered, his voice barely audible. "I hate feeling like this."

Pepper nodded, squeezing his hand a little tighter.

"I know. I can imagine," she said softly. "I'm here."

He appreciated her words but couldn't get rid of the feeling of helplessness. The lack of his usual support made him feel exposed. He had spent so long building walls and defenses, and now they were crumbling. Tony sighed deeply and tried to relax his tense shoulders.

"I used to just... drown it all out," he admitted. "But now... I have to face it. Go through it. Feel it. It's hard."

Pepper nodded again, understanding in her eyes. "Facing it is hard," she agreed. "It is for everyone. But I really think you're doing great, Tony. And you need to give yourself more time to adjust to all of this."

"Yes," he replied quietly, squeezing her hand back.

They sat in silence for a while, the panic slowly fading. The moment was a reminder that Tony's journey wasn't just about overcoming his addiction, it was also about learning to navigate the complexities of his emotions. It scared the hell out of him.

Finally, Tony managed a small smile. "You know," he said, trying to lighten the mood, "I was going to make a joke about you being my new addiction, calming me down, distracting me with your beautiful smile, but that seemed... in poor taste."

Pepper seemed to think about it for a few moments, and Tony was afraid he had just said something very wrong, but then he saw that Pepper chuckled softly, her eyes twinkling.

"Yeah, maybe save that for later," she said. "But seriously, Tony. You can always talk to me. We're in this together, we're a team now. You're not alone anymore. Share your feelings with me. Anytime."

"Thanks," he said, his voice steadying. "So... shall we go? To dinner, I mean?"

Pepper put her hands around his neck and cupped his head. "We don't have to go. Why don't we just stay here and try to relax?"

"But you wanted to go out to eat."

"It doesn't matter. We can have something delivered," Pepper said, stroking the back of his head as she planted a kiss on his forehead. "It's okay, Tony. Really. It's okay."

"It's not."

"It is," Pepper said again, determined.

Tony nodded. But it wasn't.