Chapter Thirty-Eight

Cas threw his arms around Gabriel, and his head appeared over Cas's shoulder.

'Hey, kid,' he said, patting Cas's back. 'Whoa, what happened to your leg?'

'Can he come in?' Cas asked over his shoulder.

'Of course he can,' Mary said from the kitchen.

'Where have you been?' Cas asked, pulling Gabriel through the front door and closing it behind him.

'Leg first,' said Gabriel, pointing at Cas's boot.

'Oh, just a running injury,' Cas told him. 'Not important. I missed you so much, Gabriel.'

'I missed you too,' Gabriel smiled. 'I lost track of time, you know how it is in Vegas.'

Cas's smile faltered. 'You've really been in Vegas this whole time?'

'Pretty much,' Gabriel shrugged. 'But then I realised I'd missed your birthday, so I came to find you.'

Cas's smile brightened again.

'How did you find us?' Mary asked, concerned.

'Agency gave me the address,' Gabriel told her.

'They're not supposed to do that,' Mary frowned.

'You could have called,' said Cas.

'Sure, but I wanted to surprise you.'

Cas hugged him again, as Sam came downstairs to see what was going on.

'Do you want to join us for dinner, Gabriel?' Mary offered politely.

'Well, actually, I was hoping to take Cas out for dinner. Just us.'

'Oh, I don't know, we just started cooking-' Mary began.

'No offense, but Cas is an adult. He doesn't need your permission,' Gabriel said sharply.

Cas tensed and glanced at Dean, his expression frightened.

Dean narrowed his eyes, suddenly suspicious.

'Oh.' said Mary, also catching Cas's scared look.

'What do you say, kid?' Gabriel asked Cas.

Cas bit his lip. 'Well, there's this diner that we go to sometimes…'

'Perfect! Let's go.'

Gabriel went back out the front door, and Cas hesitantly followed him, throwing one more frightened glance at Dean before closing the door behind him.

Dean pursed his lips, watching them drive away through the window.

'You saw that, right?' said Sam.

Dean nodded. 'Hey, Sam, you wanna go for dinner?'

Sam grinned wickedly. 'Great idea, Dean.'

Mary sighed exasperatedly. 'But we just finished making patties…'

'So put 'em in the fridge for tomorrow,' Dean shrugged. 'Come on, Sam.'

'Fine, but don't interfere,' Mary said sternly.

'We're not gonna interfere, we're just going for dinner,' Dean said innocently. 'See you later.'

Sam and Dean jumped into the Impala and sped after Cas and Gabriel, arriving at the diner shortly after they'd already sat down.

They were in a booth, sitting opposite each other. Dean immediately walked up and squeezed into the booth beside Cas, then Sam squashed in at the end, so they were all facing Gabriel.

Gabriel was visibly irritated, but Dean noticed Cas's expression relax ever so slightly.

'Do you guys mind?' said Gabriel.

'Not at all,' Dean said brightly. 'You guys ordered yet? The burgers here are great.'

Dean waved the waitress over and ordered for them all.

'So anyway, how've you been?' Gabriel asked.

'Much better since I was moved here,' said Cas. 'The last place was awful.'

Gabriel gave him a sympathetic look. 'Well, don't worry, it'll be even better when you come to live with me.'

'W-what?'

'What do you mean "when"?' Dean said suspiciously.

'Yeah, I'm back now, so you can come with me,' Gabriel said enthusiastically.

'I dunno, seems dumb to move in with you when he's gonna be moving to college in a few months anyway,' said Sam.

'No, no, it'll be awesome. We'll get our own place, and we can even have our own rooms. We'll have to borrow a little from your fund, just for a deposit and some rent.'

Cas looked down at the table, shrinking into the corner. 'You're here for my trust fund,' he said in a flat voice.

'Of course not!' said Gabriel. 'I just want to take care of my little brother.'

'Well that's good, 'cause he's not giving it to you,' Sam said, narrowing his eyes and folding his arms.

Gabriel scowled at him. 'Listen, guys, this is kind of a family only conversation-'

'That's okay, we are family,' said Sam. 'Cas is my brother.'

Gabriel's face went blank. 'They adopted you?' he said quietly.

Cas shrunk even more and nodded.

'I see.' Gabriel drummed his fingers on the table, then abruptly got up.

Cas sat up straight. 'Are you leaving?'

Gabriel nodded stiffly.

'Don't go,' Cas said, his voice rising in pitch. 'Please don't go.'

'I got stuff to do,' Gabriel mumbled.

'Okay, but you'll come to my graduation, right?'

'We'll see.'

Gabriel stalked out of the diner, leaving them in silence.

Sam moved out of his seat and took Gabriel's empty one opposite, giving Cas and Dean some space.

Dean put his arm around Cas's shoulder, watching his devastated expression.

'I'm so sorry, Cas,' Dean murmured.

Cas didn't say anything, his fists curled tightly on the table.

'I get it,' said Sam. 'He's your big brother, and you want him to be there for you.'

Cas nodded.

'It's gonna be okay, Cas,' Sam continued. 'I know it's hard. You grow up thinking how strong your brother is, and you think that'll never change, so it's kinda scary when it does. When Dean went through some stuff, he wasn't there for me like he was before. Not his fault, obviously, but it was weird for me to have him change. But you know what? He got help, and he worked hard, and now he's there for me again, just like he always was.'

Dean felt a stab in his chest. He'd never heard it from Sam's perspective before. Never even thought to ask.

'Things'll get better,' Sam reassured Cas.

'You think so?' Cas whispered.

'Definitely,' Sam smiled.

Cas smiled back and their food arrived. He picked at the fries while Sam and Dean ate their food, but ended up boxing up his burger to take home.

He stared at his phone all the way home, willing Gabriel to send him a message, but he never did.

Cas was melancholy for the rest of the week, but perked up by Friday night, when Charlie arrived. She was staying for the weekend, both for the party, and to help Cas choose something to wear for prom.

Seeing Charlie always brightened him, but even she couldn't completely chase away his disappointment.

Charlie stayed up with him and helped him plan a new campaign, and that seemed to distract him for a while.

It wasn't until Anna arrived the next day, that Cas finally let go, and told her everything that happened, tears in his eyes.

Anna gave him a sad look and squeezed his arm.

'Gabe's on his own path,' Anna said gently. 'We can only hope he'll find his way.'

'I wish there was something I could do to help him.'

'Right now, there's only one thing he wants from you, but it's not what he needs,' said Anna. 'He spent so long taking care of us, he never got to learn how to take care of himself.'

Cas nodded. 'I miss him. I wish he was here.'

'I know,' said Anna, lightly squeezing his hand. 'Me too.'

Cas sighed, and surprised her with a hug. 'I'm glad you're here,' Cas murmured.

Anna patted his back, welling up herself. 'I'm glad you invited me.'

Cas let her go and smiled. 'I think I'm going to try to focus on the party now.'

'Good idea.'

Anna then helped Mary set out all the food and drinks on the table, and the rest of their friends arrived.

They brought presents and drinks, and cheered as Mary presented him with his certificate, framed and polished, and hung it on the wall in the living room. Next to that, she hung another framed photograph; the one Dean had taken of her and John hugging Cas, while he held his certificate up to the camera.

As he'd said, Cas spent the party laughing and celebrating, but Dean wasn't convinced.

He watched Cas closely, but he gave nothing away, even when he climbed into Dean's bed that night. The only sign of his distress was a bunched fist in his sleep, wound tightly in Dean's shirt.

Anna went home early the next morning, promising to come back and visit, and to attend their graduation.

Charlie's flight home wasn't until later that evening, so she dragged Cas and Dean out shopping.

'What colour are you wearing?' Charlie asked Dean, rifling through a rack of blazers.

Dean shrugged. 'Grey.'

'Grey?' Charlie repeated. 'Boring.'

'It's kind of shiny,' Dean said defensively.

'Wow, check out Mr Fashion over here,' Charlie said, rolling her eyes.

Dean tutted, but said nothing, catching Cas's small smile.

'Ooh, how about this?' Charlie said, pulling out a deep red jacket.

'It's the same colour as my hoodie,' said Cas.

Charlie grinned. 'That decides it, then.' She dug out the whole suit, checking it was Cas's size. 'Try it on.'

Cas did as he was told, disappearing into a dressing room, while Dean and Charlie waited outside.

'What did you wear to your prom?' Dean asked her.

'Lemon yellow pantsuit. Obviously.'

'Of course,' Dean grinned.

Cas came out of the dressing room. The suit fit him perfectly, and paired with a black shirt underneath the jacket, he looked taller and more confident. Dean suddenly felt the need to adjust himself, and hurriedly fidgeted to cover himself, though not before Cas noticed and smiled wickedly.

'I think this is the one,' Cas said, examining himself in one of the store's full length mirrors.

'Needs a little adjusting on your wrists and ankles, but yeah, it looks great,' Charlie agreed, pinching at the cuffs of Cas's sleeves.

'Mom knows a tailor,' Dean said. 'I'm sure she can get you in.'

'Will it look good next to yours?' Cas asked.

'Are you kidding?' Dean said. 'You're gonna look so amazing, they'll barely even notice me next to you.'

'Barf,' Charlie said, though with a good-natured smile. 'Wait here, I'm gonna grab you some ties.' She disappeared off into the racks again, and Cas shuffled closer to Dean.

'I've been thinking about your prom night suggestion,' he murmured.

'Oh?' Dean said, his voice cracking slightly as his heart fluttered.

'I thought it sounded fun, so I booked us a hotel room.'

Dean couldn't help but grin widely. 'I can't wait,' he said. 'But I was gonna pay for the room.'

'You can buy me breakfast,' Cas said, leaning over and kissing Dean softly.

'Aww, gross,' Charlie laughed, returning with an armful of different coloured ties, though she needn't have brought so many.

Cas's eyes immediately landed on a blue tie, patterned with flowers and swirls in a slightly lighter shade, and once it was on, he had no thought for any of the others.

'Awesome, and that one has a matching pocket square,' Charlie smiled.

'It's strange,' Cas said, looking at himself in the mirror. 'I never imagined myself wearing something so nice.'

Dean remembered when Cas had arrived, with everything he owned on his back, or in the single bag he carried around, and his heart squeezed.

'Well, get used to it,' Charlie said brightly. 'You're hot, and you deserve to dress like it.'

Cas blushed. 'Thank you,' he mumbled. He took one last look at himself, then returned to the dressing room to change.

They paid and went home. Cas carefully hung his new suit in his wardrobe, then spent his last few hours with Charlie, laughing and watching random videos on his laptop.

The moment she left, however, the smile slid from his face, and Dean realised he'd merely been masking his sadness for their benefit. Cas let out a small sigh, then turned and climbed the stairs to their room without a word.

Dean watched him go, but made no move to follow. Cas would need some time to decompress after such a busy weekend, he knew, so he busied himself with tidying up the kitchen, and working on the car for a few hours.

Eventually, covered in grease, Dean could do no more to the car, so he showered and decided to check on Cas once he was clean. When he walked into their room, he was surprised to see that the curtain had been pulled across the room, for the first time in weeks. It must be bad, Dean thought. He approached the curtain and knocked on the wall next to it, but he got no response.

'Cas?' he called, but still nothing, so he pulled the curtain aside.

Cas was curled up in bed. He was holding his beige coat over his face, and Dean could hear the tinny sound of music coming from Cas's earphones.

Dean knelt next to the bed and gently touched Cas's hand.

Cas lowered the coat from his eyes and pulled out one of his earphones.

'Long weekend, huh?' Dean said quietly.

Cas nodded.

'Just came to check on you. You need anything?'

Cas shook his head.

'Okay.' Dean kissed his forehead and made to leave, but then Cas spoke, his voice muffled by his coat.

'I feel so helpless,' he said, and Dean knelt back down. 'Seeing Gabriel reminded me of how much I exist at the will of others.'

Dean just stroked his hair and let him talk.

'I always had to do what I was told. Go where I was sent. I've never had a say in it. I had no control. Every time I thought things were stable, it was all ripped out from under me. They took my sister. I'm happy for her now, but when it happened, it felt as though she'd joined our parents. Gabriel was the most consistency I ever had. And then he was gone too. I can't help him. I couldn't help my mother…' Cas clamped his mouth shut and hid his face behind the coat again, but he grabbed Dean's hand and pulled him closer, so Dean climbed up onto the bed with him. When Dean wrapped his arms around Cas, he could feel how tense he was.

'Gabriel used to tell us stories about our parents,' Cas told him. 'I'd do anything to hear him tell us stories again.'

'I know what it's like to feel like you're not in control,' Dean murmured. 'When I was in therapy, they told me to think about all the things I do have control over. The main one was my attitude,' Dean said with a chuckle. 'What kinds of things do you think you can control? Even little things.'

'I - I got to decide where to go to college,' Cas ventured. 'And what to do with my trust fund.'

'Those are some pretty big ones,' Dean said, allowing a smile to colour his voice. 'What else?'

Cas thought about it for a moment. 'I decide whether or not to have coffee with my breakfast. I chose what I'm going to wear to prom.'

Dean felt Cas relax in his arms.

'I decided to join your family,' Cas continued. He let go of his coat and pulled out the other earphone. He rolled over and nestled against Dean. 'I choose this,' he whispered, warm breath tickling Dean's neck. 'I choose you.'

Welcome back! Thanks to EmilyAnnMcGarrett-Winchester for the review! Enjoy the chapter :)