Never too Serious 6 - (DCverse, SI)

"Paint me surprised, I thought I would be hanging off a tall building at this point," I pointed out, knowing I was indeed very lucky about not having my head blown up by a lead bullet. We were sitting by one of those old warehouse. No one could hear us, the perfect scene for a murder or... for some private chatting. "Sure, I don't mind it but... I have to admit that I would have seen you less... chatty, Red Hood."

"You're not him," Jason replied almost immediately, staring at me as he put his back against one of the wooden columns within the warehouse's central spot. "And you told me you killed him. What I want to know is... why?"

"Why wouldn't anyone want to kill the Joker?"

...

I looked at him, and he was giving me one of those 'flattest' look I could just feel through his mask.

"I want to repeat myself here as, seriously, who wouldn't? The Joker had done enough to piss off the entire country if not the entire world with all the shit he caused to everyone," I pointed out, ranting a bit. "Sure, some crazy ass idiot would love his madness, but he has stabbed so many asses, that I doubt anyone would truly trust him to the point of working with him all the time. Look at Harley? She's doing fine with her GF and has not relapsed on the whole 'Mr. J' thing."

...

"You know the silent staring works better when you are donning an all-black outfit, right? Because, I don't want to be insulting here, but you stand out like a edgy version of Batman with guns."

I could feel a bit of heat coming my way, and he snorted. "Seriously, not even a joke?"

Okay, I think I hit him in the feels or something.

"Not in the mood. Hell, I am the Joker without Smiles, I kind of have to play up the role of dry prankster," I argued flatly. "So, anything else?"

"What were you doing at Gotham Academy?"

"Pranking a Ghost," I blurted out almost immediately. "Amity Arkham, she kind of went 'crazy witch' when the rich people in town wanted her burned and she literally took pyromancy as her favorite subject while possessing her descendants. So, I tried to do a thing."

"What thing?"

"Exorcism for dummy. I thought I had the stuff required, but turns out that when it comes to bullshit apparitions, they tend to lose their powers but go back to their latest host. If I am not mistaken, she shouldn't be strong enough to control her but, then again, that shouldn't be much of an issue."

"...Why?"

"Amity is sort of a 18th-something century ghost. She definitely has no clue on what a car is, or a clown at that. So, yes, I doubt she can be much of a threat to anyone without the means of hurling fire from her fingertips."

Truth be told, I am shitting my pants at the thing of Amity controlling Sybil to do bad things to Olive but... I am hoping Comic Bullshit would assist me in this time of need.

"Are you sure about it?" Red Hood asked, almost concerned.

"Quite. Next?"

"Why did you become the Joker?"

I sighed. "Someone has to. I mean, if Bruce Wayne dies, I doubt that there wouldn't be any Batman anymore, right?"

That comeback threw Jason off his little sense of security. He tensed up and his tone hardened as he tried to warn me about what I just said. "You-"

"And no, I am not planning to do some twisted game about this piece of knowledge. Hell, I doubt it truly matters as I have no bone to pick with Bruce Wayne, or Batman, or whatever he wishes to be addressed- I have a few targets, none of which are redeemable or worthy of being left alone," I pointed out with a hint more of genuine seriousness. "Like, let's be honest here, Jason. You are not Batman, and that's a good thing because that frees you of any burden of the role. But being the Joker? That's a bit of a mixed bag: you can either be outrageously insane to the point of causing a civil war by having Superman kill his child and then lead up to Metropolis getting nuked, or you can live through the ways of political incorrectness. Such as trying to dethrone a mayor that has been put in charge by the Falcone family."

Jason gave me a lengthy look, but I allowed the silence to persist this time around. Instead, I waited for his response- he had to reply now. And I waited with a hint of anticipation pending by my tense posture.

"And then?"

I sighed. "Replace him with a lesser worm. Easier to manipulate, the least deep with the scum of the world, and more inclined to pass reforms."

"So you're trying to be the good samaritan?"

"No. I am the King of Dirt, and I make sure that what your old man can't reach with his rich work and his bat work can be fixed without much of a bloodshed," I answered truthfully. "You can call me hero or villain. The truth is, by putting this mask on, I willingly become scum of the Earth so that no one else with worse ideas come along. There's always a Batman and a Joker, never once can the 'status quo' falter."

...

This silence was different, and as I turned to glance at Jason, I realized the guy had left. I guess the guy truly kept the whole 'I am going to leave while you are not looking' gig going despite not being Batman's Robin. I shrugged, then walked out of the warehouse and back in my car.

I didn't even check if he had left a tracker in it.

I mean, there was a strong chance that was a thing, but I could tell that finding and removing it would invite more trouble. Letting him know where I was and not trying to be secretive would only help my current reputation to some extent: out of the entire Bat Family, Jason had the biggest hatebone for the Joker, so if he was convinced I wasn't a threat, then I was in the clear in any potential raid.

I could still be caught and brought to the police but... the thing is that I can't be pinned any crime. Sure, some may talk but... one thing was a witness, another was genuine proof I did anything of what I was planning to do.

At this very moment, I was at the zenith of karma: I was going to do something legally wrong through indirect involvement, but there was no paper or documentation that could fix me on the crime itself. And I had this gut feeling that the Penguin would somewhat cover my ass too just to cover his own.

Maybe I was overthinking a bit of everything. I barely had any sleep as it was now five in the morning, and I desperately needed to go to bed but... as I arrived at the base, I found little Olive waiting for me by the gates with the guards.

I don't think she noticed I was just moments away from facefault on a bed, but I have to admit that the worried look on her face was enough to push more juice out of me and be a bit more awake for now.

"M-Mr. Joker!"

I picked her up. "Little 'Live, what's up?"

"I-It's mom. She is- she is..."

I blinked, expecting a new issue to face before hitting the bed when-

"S-She made me broccoli!"

...

"Olive...?"

"She- she usually heats up some chicken nuggets, but now she feels well enough to make- make me veggies," The girl whined against my chest. "It's horrible, Mr. Joker. Take me to hamburgers!"

...

"Sweetie, some veggies are good-"

"No, they are not!"

"And if you comply to eat the veggies your mom makes, I promise you to take you to get ice cream or other snacks while you are with me. Okay?"

She sniffed, teary-eyed as if I told her to bite a bullet. "R-Really?"

I nodded, patting her head as I stepped inside the lair. "Yup. But right now, Mr. Joker needs a nap or two. Was out all night yesterday."

"Really? Why?"

"Do you remember that talk we had about mommy's ghost issue?"

Olive's eyes went wide open. "Oh, you helped her? Thank you, Mr. Joker! Can I play doctor while you sleep?"

"Only if you promise me that you don't try to give me a hardball of a diagnosis. I may be a bit sleepy, but I am quite healthy, you see?"

She beamed and nodded and... I needed to sleep.

Fucking hell, I hope that talk I had with Jason is going to matter or something. Else I want my hours of sleep back, your red-hooded fucker.

AN

Mr. J gets nursed by lil' doctor Olive. Luckily for him, she hasn't found Harley's spare hammer in the backroom. That would have ended disastrously.