So that's Weird Situation Number 01. Finding Kakashi in a compromising position, followed by jerking off to that memory on the bathroom floor. Then on the shower. Then on his bed before sleeping. Then in the following morning, right after waking up from a wet dream with his dick hard and close to release. And then- well. Anyways. Who could blame him? He had just discovered that he'd been doing this jerking off thing wrong his whole life, it was much better attributing sexual connotation to it, and Kakashi just happened to be the perfect jerk off material.

That was the real issue here. Finding Kakashi and Genma fucking was already water over the bridge, finding out that jerking off actually felt good only at 25, yeah, he was over that too. Now using Kakashi as fap material? He was feeling a bit guilty about that. He tried to rationalize it: surely his best friend, a worldwide known pervert, would be flattered and wouldn't mind Obito using him as inspiration, right? Also, you know, people used other people as fap materials all the time, what else are they gonna imagine while at it? It was a victimless crime.

Whatever excuse he was telling himself these days, this whole thing started changing Obito's perspective on Kakashi. He wasn't Kakashi anymore, not cool-deadly-shinobi-childhood-frenemy-porn-loving-loyal-jonin Kakashi. Now he was beautiful-sexy-amazing-perfect-skin-adorable-moles-delicious-muscles-flirtatious-seductive-tempting-walking-wet-dream Kakashi. And it was making Obito's life a living hell. All those years of not caring about sex came crashing down on him with interest, and now sex seemed to be all he would think about. Daily life with Kakashi – the stuff his dreams were made of, and to which he involuntarily developed a pavlovian response that made his dick hard whenever his roommate did something remotely sexy – was starting to get difficult.

Evidence 1: any situation where Kakashi walked around shirtless became unbearable. This included but was not limited to: their sparrings, Kakashi returning from his training with Gai, Kakashi getting out of his shower, that time a heat wave hit Konoha and both walked around the house shirtless for a week, whenever Kakashi returned home after a night of drinking, because he had this weird ass habit of wanting to strip whenever he got drunk enough, and others.

Evidence 2: Obito could not see Kakashi drinking water anymore. Or anything on that matter. Who would have known his Adam's apple bobbing up and down as he gulped down his water looked so sexy, especially with little droplets running down his throat, that beautiful long neck that Obito just wanted to munch on.

Evidence 3: touching. They were not touchy people, they were shinobi who experienced horrible things in life and they were not used to expressing emotions through touching. That meant that when they did, it was all that more electrifying. When Kakashi gave him a pat on the back for something, or he took a leaf out of Obito's hair, or when he poked Obito's shoulder to call him, or grabbed his arm to turn him around or lead him somewhere, or, again when his fucking lightweight of a roommate came back from drinking, he'd become much more needy, hugging him and grabbing him and- fuck.

Evidence 4: if Obito said anything that Kakashi didn't understand, he'd tilt his head to the side looking like a lost confused puppy and Obito would need to close his eyes and inhale deeply to avoid pinching his cheeks, which in turn only made Kakashi think that Obito was mad at him.

Alright this last one wasn't about Kakashi being sexy, but it was still hard for Obito.

Those were just some examples, there were several other little instances where Obito felt like either his heart or his dick was gonna explode for sure. Sometimes both. It was safe to say Obito had lost his mind. Was everyone like this? Like, the people who liked sex? It amazed him that people experienced this level of sexual desire and were still able to maintain functionable lives.

But even that, even discovering sexuality as something great, finding out that he desired Kakashi like that, jerking off more in a few days than he'd had before in his whole life, feeling guilty about it all, even all those things, were still manageable. What really started fucking with his head happened after Weird Situation Number 02.

Weird Situation 02: in which Obito finds out Kakashi has a lot of sex, with a lot of people

The second situation that fucked up with Obito's mind irremediably didn't happen with Kakashi, but it was still related to Kakashi. This time Ibike had been a bit more evil than he usually is, so, a regular Friday, and let Obito out only thirty minutes after he was supposed to clock out. After Ibike finally released him from his torture, he could enjoy his regular weekly beer with Anko down at the shittiest, most disgusting, cheapest bar Konoha had to offer. Arriving, he saw Anko talking to- won't you look at that? Yugao!

"Oi Obito!" Anko raised her hand and waved excitedly.

"Fuck! Is that… Yugao? Is that you?" Obito comically wiped his eyes poking fun at the woman.

Yugao just smiled sweetly and waved at him. Yeah, she must be either drunk already or she mellowed since the last time they met. She was usually much more serious and businesslike. "Hey Obito, it's been some time!"

"Gods haven't seen you in fucking forever." He commented while Anko ordered another pine for their table.

He became pretty close friends with Anko since he came back to the village, because they were assigned in a lot of missions and investigations together. In the beginning people would joke and gossip around, saying they were going out, but they were sorely mistaken, since Anko played for the other team. As in the team that fucks women. Because since Obito never fucked anyone in his life, it was safe to say he haven't played for any teams at all. And since the finding-Kakashi-and-Genma-fucking fiasco, considering he was using a man as fap material, maybe it was more correct to say that he too, was playing for the other team as of late. Not that anybody knew about that. It was his dirty little secret.

Anko was younger than him by a couple of years, so they never talked much back at the academy. Yugao was younger than Anko by another couple of years, but the two girls had been close friends, with Yugao's sensory skill being often requested by the Intelligence department. That's how he and the ANBU operative became colleagues too, though they weren't as close. But one thing he knew for sure: between Yugao being a workaholic, ANBU being a demanding job, her dating Hayate and just being an introvert in general, Obito's never seen her in a casual place like a bar.

"Yeah, this is a rare sight Obito: Yugao drinking alone in a bar, I had to drag her to our usual table." Anko joked as if reading Obito's thoughts, pointing at Yugao like she was a rare animal.

"Yeah, where's Hayate?"

"Oh, that idiot? Don't even say his name." Yugao scoffed before downing the rest of her pine.

Anko whispered not so discreetly to him. "They fought Obito, that's why she's here alone."

"But why? He looks like such a lovestruck boyfriend! Let me tell you Yugao, he's such a stupid, lame ass lover boy, always gushing about you, oh Yugao this, Yugao that." Obito tried to give them his best impression of Hayate and failing miserably, but she wasn't having any of it. Yugao just groaned and ordered another pine.

"Shut it, don't wanna hear it, today is for drinking and forgetting."

"Don't even ask Obito." Anko muttered just as his own pine arrived at their table.

"Well, whatever the reason, is good to see you." He grabbed his beer and raised in cheers to Yugao.

"Between missions and boyfriend and staying holed up in the ANBU quarters training, I never get to let out some steam."

"Preach it, girl." Anko raised her beer too.

"I wanna let out some steam too." Obito sighed after that first sip of beer smoothly went down his throat. "That mother fucker Ibike, keeping me late even on Fridays."

"Yeah, he hates your ass Obito." Anko snickered and he wondered for a second why they were even friends if she wasn't gonna support him.

"Right?! I knew it! He's working me to death and- fuck, you know what? No talking about bosses today, fuck them, let's talk about happy stuff."

Yugao groaned at his proposition, her forehead hitting the table in defeat. "We're shinobi Obito, there's no happy stuff to talk about."

"Whatever, start making up stuff, I don't care, gimme something, what were you talking about before I arrived?"

Anko snickered again and he got the impression that she liked to see him suffer with what she said next. "Your favorite roommate?"

"Oh, if we're gonna talk about Bakashi I'm gonna need something stronger." Thankfully just talking about Kakashi didn't give him any boners, the problem was just thinking about Kakashi that way, or seeing him. Yeah, seeing him was the biggest problem considering he lived with the guy and it was difficult walking around with a hard dick. But you know what? He wanted to complain about him. Fucking asshole.

"Oi! Bring us some sake!" Anko ordered and Obito decided he was getting hammered tonight.

He gulped down half his glass and wiped his mouth. "Ok, what about the idiot?"

Yugao turned her head on the table to face Obito. "Nothing… I was just saying that we miss him in ANBU, he was a good captain for me and Tenzo."

"But after Kakashi left, guess who became captain of her own team?" Anko waved her arms at Yugao as if saying check-out-my-competent-friend with a silly smile on her face and Obito congratulated her raising his pine.

"Nice one, Yugao!"

"Thanks, Obito." That finally got her to lift her head off the table. "But it's not enough a raise for the amount of extra work, it's not worth it. That's what I was telling Anko, I need to sit with Kakashi to get some tips."

"I bet there's nothing the idiot could do that you haven't already done, Yugao." Obito waved her off. Surely, Kakashi was a genius, was in every bingo book out there in the world, had a flee on sight order and a gigantic bounty on his head that nobody was ever able to cash in, but still!

"Well, his teamwork was always flawless, I wanted to do the same for my team." Yugao argued but Obito snorted at her. Oh no. He wasn't gonna sit here, drinking his cheap beer with cheap sake, after a fucking tiring week and hear good things about Kakashi. Not tonight, not on his watch.

"Teamwork you say? Yeah, let me tell you what is like living with mister teamwork." He snorted and settled comfortably on his chair for his favorite hobby: complaining about Kakashi. "He doesn't do the dishes, he doesn't know how to cook anything edible, he's always using my stuff without asking, he doesn't clean unless I tell him to-"

Yugao interrupted while he was listing everything wrong with his roommate from hell. "What?! He was never that lazy when he lived in the ANBU quarters!"

"He's a little entitled asshole, that's what he is, I always have to scream at him to do something, to pay the bills and he's always like 'maa, gomen gomen'."

"He sounds exactly like that Obito!" Anko laughed hard slapping the table. He was proud of his Kakashi impersonations, he spent years perfecting them.

"Damn, I miss little twelve-year-old Kakashi, obnoxious little shithead at least did the dishes back then." Obito muttered as he mixed more sake on his beer. Just talking about Kakashi was giving him a headache.

Yugao looked absolutely shocked. "Obito, I swear, he's always telling me that he loves living with you, that he's always having fun."

"Yeah, having fun at the expense of my sanity, the bastard. Holy crap, guys, you won't believe this." Obito said sounding very much like the gossiping-Intelligence-agent stereotype. "The other day? I was looking for my shampoo, and it wasn't in my bathroom. Again! So I went to Kakashi's bathroom to get it, and he was naked with Genma on the bed, I almost had a fucking heart attack."

The two girls got up to their feet, hands on the table scrambling one over the other to get closer to Obito, he had to lean back as they both stared into his soul.

"Oh my gods Obito! Obito! This is really important." Anko said in an urgent voice making a pause to stress the importance of the matter. "Who was topping?"

Obito must have heard it wrong. "What? Why?"

"Just!" Yugao's voice got higher before she managed to control it again. "Just, answer the question!"

"Alright, alright, Genma was fucking Kakashi." Not like Obito would have forgotten that particular piece of information. It has been haunting his dreams ever since that night weeks ago.

Yugao slapped the table almost making it flip and pointed an accusatory finger to Anko, who just slumped at the table looking annoyed. "Ha! I knew it!"

"Here's your dirty money, Yugao." Anko took more than a couple of bills from her pocket and Obito had to wonder if she was even gonna be able to pay for herself tonight. He most certainly wasn't going to for her share. He paid for Kakashi enough already. Bastard.

"Well thank you very much." Yugao bowed her head like an artist thanking the public after a performance, and made a show of plucking the money from Anko's hand before sitting back again.

"You should be ashamed of yourself." Anko muttered while crossing her arms.

"What the fuck guys?" He finally let himself ask after their little show, to which Yugao explained helpfully.

"We were betting who was top and who was bottom between Kakashi and Genma."

Obito had to roll his eyes and drink his disgusting mix of beer and sake at that. "Shit, don't you have anything else better to do?"

He didn't like the way the girls were treating this incident. It was game changing for Obito, he wanted more support here, someone to tell him that Kakashi was guilty of turning their best friends/roommates relationship upside down. Maybe they'd understand better if he told them the whole truth, but he could list at least 50 different types of torture he'd rather die under before telling anyone about his Kakashi related dick problem.

"Obito please, discussing Kakashi's sex life is more interesting than anything you could come up with." Anko explained, and she should know, she had a better nose for gossip than Kakashi's ninken could ever dream of.

"What? Why? I wouldn't wanna hear about that!" It was enough that the witnessed his roommate fucking, he didn't need to discuss it at bar tables too, but Anko just snorted at him, like a wise woman at an unknowing child, even though he was the older one here.

"Oh, but you do, Kakashi's the biggest slut in Konoha, he's slept with everyone already!" And Obito couldn't help his eyes growing bigger at that information.

"Wait, you mean he slept with every guy in the village?"

"Every guy and girl. I slept with him several times before I decided to stick to girls." Anko shrugged as if this was the most natural thing in the world.

"What?! Yugao?!"

The purple haired woman just raised her hands in her defense. "Hey, don't look at me, he was my boss. It would be weird."

"That, and you and Hayate have been dating since kindergarten." Anko elbowed Yugao on her ribs teasing her.

"Don't say his name, I'm still pissed at him." Yugao rolled her eyes again but they were digressing from the issue at hand here.

"Guys hold up, surely you don't mean everyone?"

"Everyone Obito." Anko assured him. "I'm impressed you only now caught him fucking in the apartment."

"No, Kakashi can be really sneaky." Yugao pondered probably remembering their days in the ANBU together. "I'm more impressed he and Obito didn't sleep together already." She stopped herself and sent him a knowing look. "Unless..."

"No! Fuck no!" He raised his voice in offense.

He didn't know why he answered her like that. It's not like the thought of fucking Kakashi didn't appeal to him. It most certainly did. In fact, it would made his life much easier if he could think less about them fucking. Maybe he was only being defensive about it because he wanted it so much. Was he an idiot? There were moments he was sure of it.

"Just checking." Yugao shrugged at his outraged answer.

"No, we never fucked." He tried to say it again in a more neutral voice, but Anko only smirked mischievously at him.

"Gods, you're missing Obito, Kakashi knows how to fuck." Anko wiggled her brows at Obito. Fucking holy hell, the last thing he needed was to hear how well Kakashi fucked. At the same time, he felt like he was intruding on someone's privacy, and like he could get a boner if this got even a tiny bit more explicit.

Yugao rested her chin on her hand, looking at Obito longingly. "Kakashi's missing too, Obito is so handsome."

Anko was back at poking fun at her, elbowing her ribs. "My, my, you really are pissed at Hayate, even complimenting other men..."

"Yeah, well, he should know he's not the last man in the world." Yugao angrily declared before downing the rest of her beer and ordering yet another one. It was safe to safe Obito's goal of leaving the bar today completely hammered was well under way.

Ok. So he found out that Kakashi was a big slut. Alright. He slept with everyone in the village, except Obito. Big fucking deal. He was allowed to fuck whoever he wanted. Right? Yeah, right. This strange sense of dread in the pit of his stomach made absolutely no fucking sense then, right? Why was he so uncomfortable with this new information? Shit. He wanted to fuck Kakashi? Was that it? Did he resent Kakashi for fucking everybody except him? There was a very big difference between using someone as fap material and wanting to sleep with him. Absolutely. Even if Obito kept craving and dreaming about sex with Kakashi, or if he got hard when he as much as breathed in Obito's general direction.

Yeah. No. Definitely. Surely. He wanted to sleep with Kakashi, but not like for real, like, as a real possibility. It was just one of those things that would stay in the realm of ideas. No matter how much realer this possibility became now that he found out that Kakashi would fuck anything that breathed. Strangely or not, that made the prospect of Obito having sex with him much more likely than he ever considered in his head. Did that mean he was gonna pursuit this possibility? Hell fucking no. Kakashi might have slept with the entirety of Konoha, but he was with Genma now. Obito was weirdly guilty enough for jerking off to his roommate, imagine trying to get it on with someone taken.

At the same time… why? If Kakashi's only criteria were that the person was breathing and willing, why hasn't he tried to get on Obito's pants? He matched the criteria. He was alive since he came back from the dead five years ago and he was willing since he found out that sex could actually feel good and not just some mechanical thing to release pressure. Was Obito different somehow? Was he too ugly for Kakashi? Or too boring? Too inexperienced? He was indeed inexperienced but there was no way for Kakashi of knowing it for sure, he never asked before. Just. Why? What Genma had that Obito didn't?

Obito left the bar indeed hammered, hugged between Anko and Yugao singing some stupid cheesy song, trying not to trip over their own feet, smoking Asuma's cigarettes that they somehow managed to steal from his pockets when they saw him entering the bar with Kurenai. But above all, Obito left the bar with a bitter taste in his mouth, and an ugly feeling in his stomach that he hadn't decided yet if it was envy, offense, frustration or pent-up horniness.

I swear, trying to put together the timeline for secondary characters is hard, none of the ages or the dates make sense (yeah Kishimoto, I'm looking at you), but I tried my best, I hope you liked some Anko and Yugao in this chapter.

Also, I have my own headcanon that the Intelligence have the most crazy-ass people in Konoha, and you have to be kinda sadistic and kinda a big gossiper to work there, that's why Ino is known for being such a gossiper, and I bet her father used to be one too! And it cracks me up trying to imagine Ibike spilling the tea with Anko like two old ladies sitting on the sidewalk