a brief note regarding the previous chapter and a comment from reviewer zxb - I completely agree that it is canonically more fitting for Azula to banish people than ban them, so I have made a small retroactive correction XD and now, we proceed with our regular schedule!
Chapter 23 – the dead rat affair
A week or so later, Jet finally felt like he had recovered from the whole nude calendar debacle. With mental images of naked grans no longer haunting him, Jet was ready to move on with his next scheme. So far, his plans had not panned out quite as intended, but they had still produced results. For example, after all the meddling he had done, Jin and On Ji seemed to be hooking up regularly and had largely forgotten about their obsession with Zuko. Even Jin was no longer stalking Zuko every evening, which was a huge step for her.
Of course, this still didn't feel like a total win for Jet because he hadn't gotten his threesome and also, Jin and On Ji suddenly seemed way less responsive to his suggestions about continuing to get to know each other better. Jet was trying not to be too salty about it, though. The most important part of it all was that the two girls were now less determined to pursue Zuko.
Annoyingly, Zuko's relationship with Mai had thus far withstood all of Jet's meddling. With Jin and On Ji losing interest in him, there was also nobody that Jet could use to incite rumors about Mai possibly having a bit of a fling with Ruon-Jian. It seemed like Jet would have to abandon his current approach and come up with a new tactic, and fortunately, he knew just what to do.
Jet had gotten this job largely because he had mentioned his knowledge of The Northern Lights restaurant and his desire to get back at Azula for violently kicking him out. Zuko had a vested interest in bringing down the rival restaurant and his sister with it, and it seemed like nobody else at The Blue Spirit really cared about this rivalry other than Jet and Zuko. Surely it was time to make good on the fact that he and Zuko were on the same page about this, and hopefully by working together to destroy Azula, Jet would succeed in creating a stronger bond with Zuko.
It took Jet a few days to come up with a plan to present to Zuko, but finally, on Friday morning before the lunch service began, he was ready to proceed, catching up with Zuko in the kitchen where together with On Ji they were preparing for the upcoming lunch service.
"Hey, you two," Jet called out cheerfully as he entered the kitchen, making finger guns at Zuko. "Got a minute for me, boss man?" he winked.
"Kind of busy here," Zuko shrugged. "As long as we can talk while I keep prepping?"
"Sure, keep chopping away," Jet chuckled, trying to pretend that he wasn't a little annoyed for not commanding Zuko's exclusive attention. "Anyway, so, our little place has been doing really well, right?" Zuko looked up, giving him a roll of the eyes, probably for stating the obvious. "You know who else has been doing really well, though? The Northern Lights."
"There's no way they're doing as well as we are," Zuko snorted. "Anyway, why are you trying to spoil my mood by bringing up Azula? Are they doing so well that you're planning to crawl on your belly in front of her just so that she takes you back?"
"Not why I brought it up, boss dude," Jet sighed. "I just thought you deserved to know that they've been really trending on social media lately."
"Has Azula become desperate and started to appeal to her TikTok followers?" Zuko laughed. "She knows that father would disapprove if she did that. We're not supposed to tap into our celebrity status while fixing these restaurants. Ozai made that very obvious to us both."
"This chatter doesn't seem to come from Azula's accounts," Jet pointed out. "It's just… generally positive word of mouth."
"Jet is right about that," On Ji added, listening in nearby. "Not that I care about this rivalry, I just want to make this restaurant the best it can be. But it's true that there's a lot of buzz about Azula Nakamura's place." Zuko made a face at On Ji's words.
"This is what I wanted to talk to you about, Zuko," Jet said. "I thought maybe you'd want to do something to make this word of mouth around Azula's restaurant a little less positive."
"What do you have in mind?" Zuko asked, suddenly sounding very interested, so much so that he stopped chopping the carrots he'd been working on.
"Imagine the headline in the local news sites," Jet said, waving his hands in front of Zuko. "Dead rat found in the ladies' restroom of a local Water Tribe restaurant! Outraged customers demand accountability from besieged owners! Celebrity consultant Azula Nakamura left red-faced by the scandal of facing emergency health and safety audit!"
"So… what, you want to start up a rumor?" Zuko frowned. "I don't think people will just believe us without any evidence."
"Oh, I think we can do a lot better than just spreading baseless rumors," Jet chuckled. "I think a dead rat should actually appear in their ladies' restroom. And, as it so happens, I already have the rat, here," Jet said, placing a plastic bag containing a dead rat on Zuko's chopping board.
"Eww, that's so gross!" On Ji went pale and ran out of the kitchen.
"Hmm… it's a dead rat, alright," Zuko hummed, scrutinizing the ex-rodent. Jet had wrestled it away from one of the stray cats who had made his apartment complex their residence. Jet often left out bowls of milk and some of the leftovers from the restaurant for the homeless felines. The strays had come to trust him over time, and so he had been able to obtain the dead rat with only minimal loss of blood.
"So, what do you think of my plan?" Jet asked hopefully.
"It shows promise," Zuko nodded approvingly. "Alright, go ahead and make it happen."
"Ah… see, you just hit on a big problem there," Jet winced, sucking breath through his teeth. Zuko gave him an inquisitive stare. "I can't go back to The Northern Lights. Katara is normally a gentle and forgiving person, but she can carry a grudge. And for what I did to her… yeah, she's definitely carrying a grudge. And Azula is likely to attack me on sight, so it can't be me planting the rat."
"So… are you saying it should be me?" Zuko asked incredulously. Jet nodded, giving Zuko his best winning smile. "Get out of here, I have a lunch service to run," Zuko scoffed.
"Come on, isn't sticking it to Azula more important than one measly lunch service?" Jet asked. Zuko hesitated, looking uncertain. "Also, On Ji did just fine soloing lunch on Tuesday, didn't she?" Jet continued to press. "I'm going to stick around and help her out if she needs me to."
"I suppose that might work," Zuko admitted. "It's true that On Ji is doing better than I expected and shouldn't have trouble handling lunch service. But you need to understand that Azula probably doesn't want to see me at her restaurant just as much as she doesn't want to see you."
"Maybe, but she's not going to violently eject her own brother, is she?" Jet asked.
Zuko thought for a moment. "I guess not," he eventually shrugged. "I suppose that would be too bad of a look for her."
"Also, aren't you a bit curious about what her restaurant is like?" Jet asked. "It might be useful to do some spying, right? Azula probably knows everything that's going on here. You know that Ty Lee can't keep her mouth shut about anything. Maybe that's how Azula has been able to catch up with us so quickly."
"It might be a good idea to learn the weak spots of Azula's restaurant, true," Zuko admitted. "If I go in as a customer during the lunch service, she'd have no grounds to eject me. Also, I could sample some of her dishes, just to get a feel of where she's at quality wise. Yes, I could learn all sorts of important information! I'm starting to like this idea."
"I told you it was a good one," Jet said, pleased about Zuko's reaction. "And I was about to suggest that you go in as a paying customer. And then, at some point, you could just get up and go to the toilet. I have drawn a layout of The Northern Lights just for an occasion like this, let me show you," Jet said, retrieving a messy drawing of the restaurant's floor plan. "So, the gent's room is here, and right across the hallway is the ladies, right?"
"Question," Zuko raised his hand. "Why can't I just drop the rat at the men's restroom? Why do I have to risk sneaking into the ladies?"
"To avert suspicion, my dear Zuko," Jet grinned. "If you were to drop the rat in the men's restroom, everyone would know that you had something to do with it. But surely Azula would not suspect you of doing something so silly as sneaking into the ladies' room."
"You are absolutely right about that," Zuko nodded confidently. "After all, I don't have any history of doing weird and embarrassing shit in order to upstage my ambitious younger sister. I have always been completely normal about this sibling competition."
"Umm… perhaps it's best that I don't press you for details," Jet chuckled nervously. "Anyway, if everything is clear, you should probably get ready. I think they've already started their lunch service at The Northern Lights."
"Sounds good," Zuko nodded. He reached out to grab the plastic bag with the dead rat, but then he stopped, hesitating. "This could be a problem," he said thoughtfully.
"What are you thinking about?" Jet asked.
"Well, I was going to put the rat into a grocery bag or something like that," Zuko said. "But then I realized something. Wouldn't it be really suspicious if I went to the bathroom with a grocery bag? Azula is frighteningly observant. She would immediately realize that something is off if I don't leave the bag at the table."
"Damn," Jet cursed. "You're right, that does sound like Azula." He thought for a moment, then snapping his fingers. "Well… I have an idea, but you might not like it," Jet grinned.
"Hit me," Zuko said. "We've come this far already and I don't want to stop now."
"If you can't put the rat in some kind of a bag, then there's just one other solution," Jet said. "We need to conceal it on your person, somehow."
"You mean…" Zuko looked down.
"Yep," Jet nodded. "Sorry, but you'll have to stick this dead rat down your pants."
"Shit, I was afraid you were going to say that," Zuko swore. "Oh well. It's definitely better than stuffing a live rat down your pants," he sighed. "Alright, I'll do it, but now I have a new task for you, Jet." Jet gave Zuko an expectant stare. "Go and get me one of those extra strong bars of soap. I don't want Mai to complain about dead rat smell when she goes down on me."
Zuko arrived at the parking lot outside The Northern Lights restaurant some twenty minutes later. He didn't get out of his car immediately, because first he had to perform the unpleasant task of shoving a dead rat down his pants. It wasn't the worst thing he'd ever done because at least the rat was well wrapped in plastic, but still, there already was slight lingering aroma. On the positive side, the rat down his pants made his package look absolutely enormous, which definitely made Zuko perk up.
In a slightly awkward gait, Zuko walked up to the entrance into the restaurant. While the place didn't benefit as much from its location as The Blue Spirit, it apparently still saw plenty of traffic. From the outside, Zuko could see that most of the seats were filled and there were only a few free tables left. Entering, Zuko had to acknowledge that there was a nice and cozy feel about the place, and he could see the typical signs of his father's renovations everywhere. Because Ozai usually skimped on quality materials, his renovations never lasted longer than a few years, but for now, everything seemed to be holding up reasonably well.
Zuko was then approached by a very pretty looking Water Tribe girl with dark curly hair and the bluest eyes he'd ever seen on a girl. "Hi, and welcome to The-" she suddenly cut her greeting short, giving him a shocked stare. Most of the time when this happened to Zuko, it was because of his scar, and it usually made him react with anger, but on this occasion, Zuko was certain that the girl's reaction was not because of the scar, but just from recognizing him and being surprised to see him there. "Welcome to The Northern Lights," the girl managed to recompose herself quite professionally. "Are you interested in having a lunch with us?" she summoned a slightly nervous smile.
"Sure, if I can ask for a table for one," Zuko said simply. 'Table for one' was the kind of request that many restauranters utterly loathed to hear, but the Water Tribe girl showed no such reaction.
"Of course," she smiled warmly. "Please, follow me." The girl then led him over to a cozy corner booth that would easily seat at least three people. "Make yourself comfortable, and our waitress will bring you the menu and some water in a moment, okay?" Zuko nodded, smiling back at the Water Tribe girl. She was definitely very charming and good at her job, even if she wasn't employing the kind of tactics that Ty Lee and Jin used to make some of The Blue Spirit customers happy with their sexy and slightly revealing uniforms. Zuko certainly wouldn't have minded if this Water Tribe girl showed off a little bit more than she did.
Zuko sat down and spent a few minutes taking in the atmosphere and observing the customers while he waited for the waitress to show up. From what he could see, the customers looked happy with both the food and the service, and as annoying as it was, Zuko couldn't really identify any obvious issues with this place at the first glance. It must have been run terribly at some point, or else the owners wouldn't have applied to Ozai's Kitchen Nightmares. Usually, his father's changes failed to reverse the fortunes of the restaurants he was helping, which was why Zuko had assumed that The Northern Lights would still be a poorly run dive, but Azula had obviously done a good job fixing the place up, as much as that thought rankled.
"Well, now… would you look at what the cat dragged in," Zuko was brought out of his thoughts by his sister's piercing voice. He turned to look at her, Azula looming over him with a pitcher of water in one hand and a menu in the other. "What brings you to my charming little restaurant, Zuzu?" she asked, giving him one of her probing and inquisitive stares.
"Hunger?" Zuko shrugged. "Anyway, are you working here as a waitress?" he chuckled.
"Don't be silly, Zuzu," Azula tutted. "I didn't want poor Yue to become overwhelmed by serving someone as important as you. So, I decided to tend to you myself."
"How very kind of you," Zuko replied politely. Even though the urge to immediately start sniping at his sister was very tempting, he reminded himself to stay calm and avoid provoking Azula. After all, it wasn't in his interests to get kicked out of the restaurant. "So, can I have that?" he pointed at the menu.
"Of course," Azula placed the menu in front of him before pouring him some water. Zuko made sure to watch her hands at all times. He certainly didn't trust his sister not to slip him if not outright poison, then certainly a strong laxative at least. "So, let me guess," Azula said, narrowing her eyes. "Your restaurant has already gone down the drain and you have no ingredients to fix even your own meals?"
"Nonsense, we're doing brilliantly," Zuko bristled. "Alright, fine, you caught me," he then chuckled awkwardly. "Call this professional curiosity. I simply wanted to know where your restaurant is at. Just treat me as yet another customer, okay?"
"Alright… if you say so," Azula drawled, giving him a slightly suspicious stare. "Yue will come over in a few minutes to take your order. Remember to be nice to my waitress, Zuzu."
"Aren't I always?" Zuko sighed, watching Azula stroll away. She didn't leave the dining room altogether, though, taking place behind the nearby bar, chatting quietly with the pretty hostess who had welcomed Zuko to the restaurant. Even if Azula appeared engaged in the conversation, Zuko knew perfectly well that he was being constantly watched by his sister, so he decided to act casually and focus on the menu for now.
Studying the menu, Zuko felt a little surprised that Azula had not drawn upon her considerable fine dining experience. The dishes on the menu at The Northern Lights felt like slightly elevated pub grub. Zuko had no idea why Azula was playing it so safe because with a menu like this her margins of profit were considerably lower than what they had at The Blue Spirit. Azula probably needed to turn over thrice the number of tables to come close to what Zuko was making. What Zuko saw made him feel even more confident about this sibling competition.
"Hi there, I'm Yue," Zuko's thoughts were interrupted by a soft voice belonging to yet another pretty young woman, a tall and busty blonde of Water Tribe ancestry. The Blue Spirit clearly didn't have the monopoly on all the beautiful ladies. "Are we ready to order?" she asked, smiling demurely.
"Sure, why not," Zuko shrugged. "I've never had a sea prune chowder so let's go with that. And I can't pass on a good reindeer steak, it's been years since I've had one."
"Great choice, you won't regret it," Yue nodded approvingly. "How would you like yours?"
"Rare," Zuko replied without thinking.
"The superior choice," Yue smiled. "Anything to drink, or should I just bring you more water? They say it's going to be a really hot day and we all must stay hydrated!"
"Fire Nation," Zuko grinned, pointing at his chest. Of course, a Water Tribe girl would be suffering from heat in May. Zuko had no idea how she planned to survive July and August. "I'll have a coffee, black, no milk, no sugar. And I'll take more water, too."
"Nice to have such a decisive customer," Yue smiled broadly while writing down his order. "Let me just take that," she then said, reaching closer to grab the menu. As she did so, Yue's expression quickly changed from smiling to surprised and not in a good way. At first, Zuko had no idea why the blonde had reacted like that, almost starting to get angry because he assumed that she'd become horrified by his scar. It was only a while later when Zuko realized that Yue's reaction was probably due to the dead rat in his pants. It definitely made Zuko feel a little concerned, because the rat was starting to really stink up the place. Perhaps he had already become numb to the stench of a dead rodent and was no longer able to tell how bad the smell was.
Even if Zuko was not happy to admit it, but when the food he had ordered was delivered to him after a very reasonable wait of less than twenty minutes, he had to admit that it was just as good as the level of service. The sea prune chowder was clearly an acquired taste, and not one that particularly appealed to Zuko, but from a chef's point of view, he could appreciate that it was both prepared and presented well. The reindeer steak was superb, however, properly rare and melting on his tongue. All in all, Zuko was not surprised why the restaurant was almost full during a lunch service, because Azula was clearly offering great value at reasonable prices.
"So, what did you think?" Azula asked, approaching his table after he had cleaned his plate despite feeling very full.
"Isn't this the only feedback that a chef really needs?" Zuko smirked, pointing at the empty plate.
"True," Azula nodded. "I'm pleased you're at least being objective and admitting that we're doing an excellent job here."
"Well, you know your stuff. I didn't really expect this to suck," Zuko shrugged. He was very surprised that Azula wasn't in the kitchen, though. He hadn't even expected to have any interactions with his sister, presuming that she was the head chef, just like he was at The Blue Spirit. Zuko couldn't figure out why Azula wouldn't be cooking. Sure, whoever she had in her kitchen seemed to be doing a great job, but with Azula herself taking charge, they probably could have transformed this place to a prime fine dining restaurant. Then again, Zuko was relieved that Azula wasn't doing that. It would have made her a lot harder to compete against, unlike now when she had decided to stay on a level below fine dining.
"Maybe I should pay a return visit to The Blue Spirit at some point," Azula said. "Almost like a diplomatic exchange if you will."
"You'd be welcome at any time," Zuko nodded. "Anyway, I should probably get going. You need to turn tables and I need to get back to my restaurant and resume prepping."
"Of course, I'll have Yue bring you the bill," Azula smiled, not particularly sincerely. She then winced and gave Zuko a sidelong stare. "Are you trying a new deodorant? And if not, perhaps you should invest in one?" Azula asked.
"Yes, it's… a new deodorant, sure," Zuko gulped. Azula looked very suspicious and for a moment, Zuko was certain that she was on to him.
"I'd get my money back if I were you," Azula eventually shrugged, walking away. A minute later, Yue stopped by with the bill and having quickly settled it, Zuko looked around, getting ready to execute the main part of his plan before leaving the restaurant.
The first step in Zuko's plan was to find the men's restroom. Azula accompanied his exit from the dining room with a scrutinizing stare, but Zuko was sure that she wasn't on to him, at least not yet. Once in the men's restroom, Zuko quickly slipped into an empty stall, pulled down his pants and removed the dead rat, which by now was looking unnaturally flat. Zuko then began to unwrap it from the plastic it was in, starting to cough as the pungent stench assaulted his nostrils. By now, the rat was definitely becoming very ripe.
Zuko then began to listen for sounds coming from the ladies' room on the opposite side of the hallway, waiting for an opportunity to sneak in and place the rat. It seemed as if everything was quiet and Zuko was getting ready to execute the next step in his sinister plan, when someone entered the men's restroom. Zuko desperately hoped that this customer would leave quickly, but having concluded his business at the urinal, the man stopped by the doors to Zuko's stall. "Are you alright in there?" the man asked in a concerned voice.
"I'm fine, go away," Zuko growled in reply.
"If you say so," the other customer said. "But if I were you, I'd see a doctor," the man added before leaving the restroom.
"Stupid smelly rat," Zuko muttered to himself. "This is another fine mess Jet has gotten me into. I should have known this would end badly," he sighed. Still, nobody had entered the ladies' room for the past five minutes or so, which was why Zuko felt safe to execute the next step in his plan. He crept across the hallway and entered the women's restroom, quickly starting to look around for a good place to plant the rat. Just dropping it in the middle of the floor would probably look too staged, so instead Zuko went into the nearest stall and placed the rat right in front of the toilet bowl.
Zuko was ready to leave, when a thought suddenly occurred to him. What if one of the employees were to find the rat first before a customer made a big drama about it? After all this effort, Zuko didn't want to risk it, so he took out his phone and snapped several shots of the dead rat next to the toilet bowl. Jet seemed to be the type who'd have several dozen social media accounts from which to troll and harass other users, so he'd probably know how to make a story out of this and get it trending.
Feeling satisfied with his sneaky efforts, Zuko casually strolled out of the restaurant, having waved at Azula and her two Water Tribe coworkers. Everything had gone smoothly and according to the plan. Only one final step of the plan remained, and that was to make sure he no longer stank of dead rodent before returning to The Blue Spirit.
Azula watched her brother leave The Northern Lights with conflicting feelings and a heavy sense of unease in her chest. On some level, she couldn't deny liking the idea of Zuko simply coming to have a meal at her restaurant, appreciating the service and being complimentary to her. The sad part was that not for a single moment, Azula believed that Zuko had been real with her, and of course, it went both ways.
It really bothered Azula that she couldn't immediately figure out Zuko's game. The visit had clearly been for a reason other than Zuko just wanting to have a meal. Azula couldn't figure out what the reason could be. Zuko could look up the menu of The Northern Lights on their website at any time, and that was the exact same reason why Azula had never felt the need to visit The Blue Spirit – that, and the fact that Jet worked there. If Zuko wanted to find out the quality of their food he only had to look up the customer reviews, which as of late were exceptional. Perhaps Zuko had wanted to see how they operated, but that didn't ring true either, because how much could he really tell by just sitting in a dining room and having a meal?
Not being able to easily discern Zuko's motives while suspecting foul play was really messing with Azula's head even long after Yue and Katara had gone back to tending to the customers, leaving Azula alone behind the bar. Azula knew that she had to refocus her thoughts elsewhere and away from Zuko's visit, because getting so hung up and obsessed about her brother's plotting was clearly unproductive.
Before Zuko had unexpectedly showed up at the restaurant, Azula had been carefully crafting a scheme of her own, but it hadn't been aimed at Zuko. After the deeply confusing day when she had been kissed by all Katara, Yue and Suki, Azula knew that unfortunately she had to do something, because this could not be allowed to go on. As much as Azula didn't want this attention to end, she knew she had to put a stop to it, but she also wanted to do it in a particularly gentle way because she did not want to upset the three girls she had come to see as rare and special friends, and she definitely was not fooling herself by pretending that she only saw Katara, Yue and Suki as friends.
In order to soften the blow, Azula had decided to make a real splash. She had rented a posh holiday cottage some fifteen miles from Caldera City, and the plan was to drive there on Sunday after the dinner service and spend the Sunday and possibly also Monday night at the cottage. Of course, Azula realized that she couldn't show clear bias by only inviting certain coworkers, so she had invited everyone. Azula was not particularly bothered by that, because even if everyone decided to accept the invitation, she felt confident about being able to pull Katara, Yue and Suki aside to explain to them why all the sexy shenanigans had to come to an end. Azula definitely was not excited about doing that, but apparently just telling Katara once that they couldn't keep hooking up hadn't really stuck, and perhaps Yue and Suki reasoned that the same rules for some reason didn't apply to them. In any case, come Monday, this would all be sorted out and going forward, Azula was sure that their relationships would remain purely friendly and professional.
Then, while Azula was still trying to hype herself up about her plotting, she was suddenly interrupted by a bloodcurdling scream ripping through the restaurant. Azula looked around the dining room in confusion, trying to identify who was responsible for this terrible racket, but all she saw were equally confused customers, with Katara and Yue also looking none the wiser.
When the screaming didn't continue, Azula briefly wondered if perhaps she had been a victim of collective auditory hallucination, and she was just about ready to ignore the entire episode, when suddenly a female customer rose from her seat. "I'm sorry, but I think that was my friend screaming," the middle-aged woman said, looking concerned. "She went to the restroom a short while ago."
"Don't worry, we'll make sure that she's fine," Katara was the first to react, heading down the hallway towards the ladies' room. Azula sprinted after her as quickly as she could. The concerned customer also decided to follow them, and the entire procession was rounded up by a slightly frightened looking Yue.
Azula followed Katara into the ladies' room to find the missing customer standing in front of a toilet stall and pointing at something with a look of abject horror on her face. "Look… look!" the shocked customer gasped.
Katara was the first to poke her head into the stall, also gasping and immediately pulling back, almost breaking Azula's nose with the back of her head. Azula rolled her eyes at Katara's reaction and readied herself for the worst as she bravely stepped forth and entered the stall, cringing inwardly when she spotted the problem – a disgusting, putrid dead rat, fouling up the stall by daring to lay there and rot next to the toilet bowl.
Following a brief moment of panic, Azula quickly recomposed herself, knowing that she needed to act fast. The customer was still freaking out, now being comforted by her friend. Azula knew she had to come up with a way to quickly contain the situation and make sure this did not spread. "Oh, not one of these again," Azula sighed, shaking her head and assuming an expression of stern disappointment. "I really wish these kids would just stop."
"What kids?" the friend of the distraught customer asked Azula, looking confused. "Lady, your restaurant has a rat problem!"
Azula's response was laughter that she hoped didn't sound too forced. "Well… I don't blame you for not noticing it. If you haven't seen one of these before, I suppose you have no way of knowing," Azula spoke confidently, pointing at the dead rodent. "This here is a joke rat."
"A… joke rat?" the shocked customer gasped. "But… but the smell?"
"Very realistic, isn't it?" Azula chuckled. "You have to admire how they make them so real, right? There's this shop downtown that sells all sorts of fake dead animals for people who love to play pranks. This is the third time in a month when some wise guy… or wise girl leaves a stinking fake rat here to foul up the place. It's incredibly annoying to deal with. Once I get my hands on whoever is responsible, you can be sure they'll regret it."
"That's horrible," the victim of the actually not fake at all rat said, her friend nodding in agreement. "I think it's very irresponsible for a store to sell items that can be used for such mean pranks. I'm just about ready to go and give them a piece of my mind."
"That's right, Orin, we really should do it! I'm with you!" the traumatized customer's friend expressed her full support in finding a store that Azula had just conjured up from thin air.
"They are certainly being very irresponsible, yes," Azula agreed politely. She hoped that the women would eventually give up on the idea of finding the prank toy store. It would be unfortunate if they realized that they had been lied to and then they might come back to stir up trouble. Still, it was vastly preferable to news of a dead rat in the toilet coming out in the middle of the service and causing a panic and mass walkout of the customers. Dealing with a couple of angry women later would be a lot easier than salvaging the damage that would come from these women running back to the dining room and telling the other customers that the restaurant had a rat problem.
"I'm sorry, but I really don't feel like finishing my meal," Orin, the lady who had discovered the rat, said, looking a little green in the face.
"Of course," Azula said quickly. "We will make sure that you can take your food with you as you leave," she nodded at Yue, the blonde keeping well away from any dead rats, prank or otherwise. "Also, Yue, I think we'll forego the bill on this occasion."
"Oh no, I wouldn't feel right not paying, after all it's not your fault that some horrible person is pranking you like this," Orin resolutely shook her head. "The service was so nice, as was the food, and also, you're handling this so well. We'll be happy to settle the bill fully." The other woman appeared a little reluctant, but in the end chose to go along with her friend.
"Yue, please go and take care of the customers, yes?" Azula asked politely.
"Of course," Yue nodded at her. "Please, follow me, ladies."
As soon as Azula and Katara had been left alone, Katara stepped into the toilet stall and bent down, much to Azula's horror about to scoop up the dead rat. Azula launched into action, propelling herself forward, wrapping her arms around Katara's waist and pulling her right back, eliciting a loud yelp from Katara. "What are you doing?" Azula glared at the other girl.
"I was… going to throw out the prank rat?" Katara asked, looking very confused. "No reason for it to stay there and stink up the place, right?"
"Seriously, Katara?" Azula had to laugh despite herself. Apparently, she was an even better liar than she thought. "There's no such thing as a smelly fake dead rat. That rat down there is just as real as you and me. Well, with the exception that it's dead and we're not."
"But…" Katara blinked. Azula could literally see the gears in her head turning. "You said… oh, it was just to get those ladies out, wasn't it?"
"Yes, of course," Azula smiled briefly. They both glanced downwards where Azula's arms were still around Katara's waist. Azula quickly dropped her arms, both of them blushing deep scarlet. "Umm… as I was saying…" Azula stuttered, completely blanking on what she had been about to say.
"Were you?" Katara smiled at her. "You were probably thinking that we need to clean this up."
"Yes, that's right," Azula snapped her fingers. "But obviously, not in the middle of the service, we don't want to look like we're panicking." Azula thought for a moment, then turning back towards Katara again. "Alright, we need to make sure that nobody uses this stall for the rest of the service, and also, we need to take care of the smell. Can you track down Sokka and get some red tape and a bottle of Febreze from him?"
"Sure, can do," Katara nodded and dashed off in a hurry. She was back in less than three minutes. Between the two of them, they soon had soaked the dead rat in Febreze, making it smell of roses instead of rot, and also the doors of the stall were securely closed by red tape.
"And now, let's just weather the rest of this lunch service, hopefully without any more surprises," Azula sighed. "After that, we can clean everything up and go from there."
After a nervous ending to the lunch service, during which Azula kept slipping into the ladies' room to spray more Febreze on the decomposing rat, they could finally deal with the situation adequately. Azula ripped the red tape from the stall doors and then Aang came running with a bunch of mops and a bucket of bleach. "Rattus rattus removal is here!" Aang cried excitedly, being followed by Toph, playing the sound of a fire truck on her phone. Within a few minutes, the ex-rat was safely packed in several plastic bags and the whole area around the toilet bowl had been thoroughly bleached.
While Aang was busy disposing of the putrid rodent, the others gathered in the dining room to discuss this strange emergency. Azula did not feel surprised when most of the eyes fell on her, as if expecting her to say something. "You must have some theories as to what just happened," Sokka eventually broke the silence. "You always do."
"Of course," Azula nodded. "I don't think it's a coincidence that Zuko came to visit us on the same day as a dead rat appeared in the bathroom. The two things must be connected."
"Are you certain about that?" Katara asked, looking uncertain and probably thinking that Azula was being crazily paranoid. "I didn't see your brother carrying anything when he came into the restaurant. And that rat was quite large."
"Also, would Zuko really go into the ladies' room?" Yue also sounded dubious. "That seems a little below him."
"Oh, you sweet summer children have no idea to the lengths Zuko and I will both go to undercut each other," Azula laughed. "Zuko would totally slip into the women's bathroom to plant a dead animal. He must have been carrying it around in his pocket or something. That would explain the weird smell coming from him."
"You sensed it too?" Yue gasped. "I thought I was having a… is there a word for smell hallucinations?"
"Phantosmia," Azula and Sokka both spoke up at once. They then laughed and shot finger guns at each other. "Anyway, I know for sure it was Zuko who did this. Fortunately, we were able to contain the incident and prevent it from causing more damage."
"Uh, Azula?" Aang spoke up, looking at his phone as he entered the dining room, having disposed of the rattus rattus. "So, I have this addon that alerts me whenever someone makes a social media post and uses The Northern Lights as a hashtag. And someone just posted this a few minutes ago," Aang said, walking up to Azula and showing her a Twitter post with a photo of the traitorous dead rat in the toilet.
"Fuck!" Azula yelled, grabbing Aang's phone to take a closer look. "Posted from an account belonging to someone called freedomfighter1998. Probably one of Zuko's troll accounts."
"freedomfighter1998, are you kidding me?" Katara bristled. "That is totally one of Jet's accounts. He used to get kicked off from Twitter every month for his vitriolic political posts, and whenever he created a new account, he always had freedom fighter as a part of his account name because imagination really wasn't his strong suit."
"So, Zuko and Jet are working together to sabotage us," Azula snarled, starting to pace back and forth. "Well, they're messing with the wrong bitch. It's definitely time for payback."
"We should put our heads together and come up with some kind of a fiendishly clever plan," Suki suggested, looking excited. "Something that would discourage those idiots from messing with us in the future."
"I appreciate your line of thought, Suki, but that would be an unnecessary overkill," Azula smirked. "I can speak from experience that it's important to keep things very simple with Zuko, and Jet is very much the same. It's important not to underestimate their stupidity. Working together makes them the modern reincarnation of Abbott and Costello… Laurel and Hardy… or maybe Cheech and Chong," Azula chuckled.
"We should hit them hard, though," Toph said. "If that rat photo starts to trend on Twitter, it might do a lot of damage to our reputation."
"I suppose that's true," Sokka sighed. "But Azula, I would like you to keep in mind that Ty Lee works at the restaurant you're planning to retaliate against."
"I know that, Sokka," Azula said. "Mai and Ty Lee are my best friends. I'm not going to do anything that could harm them. All I need to do right now is to check the address of a very special store…"
Zuko was delighted about how well his mission to sabotage Azula's restaurant had gone. Checking the social media at the end of the day, he saw that the photo of the dead rat at The Northern Lights had been reposted almost one hundred times and was slightly starting to trend. Zuko had to admit that Jet's plan had been a good one, and it was helping to convince Zuko to perhaps take Jet more seriously in the future.
As for Azula's inevitable retaliation that everyone seemed to be fearing, it had proved completely inept. A large crate had been delivered to The Blue Spirit, with words 'Definitely No Rats Here' written on its side. Azula must have thought him some kind of moronic teenager who couldn't contain his curiosity about what was in the crate if she thought that he was going to open it.
"Can you stop staring at the crate, Zuko?" Mai sighed, giving him an impatient stare. Jin and On Ji had already departed together, while the others were lingering behind, probably also curious about the mystery crate. "It's making me nervous," Mai continued. "Let's just leave it where it is for the time being and tomorrow morning, we can send it back to Azula."
"Yeah, let's just go," Ty Lee echoed her best friend. "It's getting late and I still want to hang out with Sokka for a bit."
"Nobody's keeping you here, Ty Lee," Zuko grumbled.
"Sure, but if you're going to be stupid and open the crate, I want to be here to see what happens," Ty Lee replied.
"I'm not going to be stupid," Zuko huffed. "But I'm going to gloat at Azula for being too smart to fall for her petty tricks," he said before sending a text to Azula. 'did u really expect me to open your crate of rats'
'zuko, there are no rats in that crate,' Azula replied immediately.
'a likely story,' Zuko texted back. "She says there really are no rats in the crate," he told the others.
"Are you sure?" Ty Lee asked, sounding dubious. "I'm pretty sure I heard squeaking coming from it."
"You know what, Ty Lee?" Mai sighed. "I already see it. This ends with Zuko opening the crate. And I don't want to be here when that happens, so… let's just get out of here," Mai said as she took Ty Lee's hand and they both left the restaurant.
Ruon-Jian stared at the girls uncertainly, looking like he wanted to follow them, but then he decided to remain behind. "I'm way too curious about the mystery box," Ruon-Jian admitted. "We're opening it, right?"
"Don't be an idiot," Zuko sighed, but then his phone lit up with another text from Azula.
'I swear on our parent's graves that there are no rats in the crate,' Azula wrote.
"Hah! She's trying to lure me into a trap, but I'm not falling for it," Zuko exclaimed, feeling very clever. 'nice try! our parents aren't dead,' he wrote.
'ok you got me,' Azula wrote back. 'then I swear on my darkest secret that I know you are aware of but we have never talked about and deep down I am thankful to you for never disclosing it to our father.'
"Oh shit," Zuko exclaimed, blinking at the screen. He hadn't expected Azula to drop something so heavy in a text. "Alright, uh… Azula just swore on something that I know she wouldn't be making jokes about. I'm starting to believe her that there are no rats in the crate."
"Are you sure about it, Zuko?" Jet asked, looking very concerned. "Azula could still be lying and this could be a trap full of rats."
"Well, if this is a trap, then I'm falling for it!" Zuko exclaimed dramatically, ripping the crate open.
The restaurant was immediately overrun by at least three dozen of small brown mice.
"Well, I'll be damned," Ruon-Jian chuckled, shaking his head, watching Jet and Zuko holding each other, having jumped on one of the dining room tables. "Your sister wasn't lying after all, because those certainly aren't rats."