Disclaimer: SVU and all of its characters were created by and are the property of Dick Wolf. I make no profit with this story, which is my own original work.
When Olivia woke the morning after Hope had been born, she was unprepared for the discomfort she would be feeling. Not just the lingering pain between her legs as a result of the delivery itself, but now she was also experiencing a heaviness in her breasts as they started to fill in preparation for nourishing her daughter. No matter how much she tried to remind herself that she didn't want to complain, especially after all the complications she had endured on her road to motherhood, she couldn't help the soft cry of pain that escaped her lips as she stretched and tried to bring her body to a sitting position. Ever attuned to her needs, Elliot was by her side in an instant, concern evident in his expression.
"Liv, what is it?"
"It's nothing major, I promise. I just have to pee, and there are parts of my body that don't seem to be quite on board with me moving. It seems rather intent on reminding me that I just gave birth yesterday, as though I could possibly forget."
Kissing his partner softly, Elliot was more than empathetic.
"I'm sorry. As much as I'd love to, I can't take on the pain for you, but I'll try my best to help make it better. Why don't I help you to the bathroom, and then find your nurse to see about getting something that you can take? Then, I'm sure you'll want to eat, because they'll probably be bringing Hope in soon, and I know you're looking forward to that, too."
"You know it. What you just suggested sounds absolutely wonderful. I guess I'm going to have to admit that it's still going to be awhile before I completely regain my independence, huh?"
Knowing just what it cost Olivia to admit that, Elliot pulled her into his arms. He was careful not to make his embrace too restrictive, mindful of his partner's full bladder.
"I promise not to tell anyone."
Laughing softly, Olivia allowed herself to lean against Elliot and accept his help as he assisted her to the bathroom. After she had finished, and taken a few precious extra minutes to brush her teeth and freshen up for the day, she made her way back out to the main part of her suite, heading straight back for the comfort of her bed. As much as she typically preferred eating her meals while sitting at the table, she knew there was no way she was in any condition just yet for anything other than what the mattress would be able to provide.
Once she was settled, Elliot excused himself momentarily, immediately arousing Olivia's suspicions. She knew his breakfast would be delivered along with hers, and that the nurses would be bringing in Hope shortly after they were finished eating. Plus, if his intention was to head to the nursery, he likely would have admitted as much, as it was no secret that her partner was already just as head over heels in love with their daughter as she was. No, there was definitely an ulterior motive involved, but it wasn't anything that had Olivia worried.
As it turned out, Elliot wasn't gone for long. Olivia was able to smell his return before she saw him, her nose having recognized the aroma of coffee – an indulgence she had missed for far too long. Having already gotten permission from Dr. Barrett the day before that it would be perfectly all right to consume caffeine in small doses now that Hope had been born, Olivia had definitely been looking forward to enjoying a cup of the beverage she had gone without throughout the duration of her pregnancy. And, judging by the logo on the cups that her partner had brought in with him, Elliot had spared no expense in procuring the highest quality brew he could possibly find on such short notice.
"That smells amazing, El."
"I had a feeling you'd say that. I ordered your favorite, I just hope that your taste buds haven't changed too much. If they have though, don't be afraid to speak up, and I can always get you something else."
Beyond touched, Olivia reached out a hand to accept one of the cardboard cups, breathing in the fragrant steam deeply.
"I'm sure it will be fine. Thank you."
Before Elliot had a chance to reply, three people came into the room. Initially overwhelmed, Olivia immediately relaxed when she saw that two of them were carrying what looked to be a carbon copy of the rocker she had sat in not that long ago at the baby shower that her partner had thrown for her, complete with matching footrest. The other was balancing two trays, likely containing their breakfast. Hearing her stomach growl in anticipation, and knowing that she needed to continue to maintain a proper diet in order for her body to be able to nurse Hope, Olivia asked for Elliot to bring the tray table over so she could eat.
"I think I'm going to have to resort to breakfast in bed. I'll definitely want to go for a walk in the hall later, but for now my body still isn't too on board with the idea of moving."
"Not a problem, Liv."
Before he even thought of tending to his own hunger, Elliot first saw to the needs of the mother of his newest child. Setting up the tray table to the proper height, he helped Olivia get situated, and made sure she had everything she wanted before joining her on the bed to eat his own morning meal.
"I'm fine, El. I promise. Eat with me. I have a feeling it may be the last quiet breakfast we'll get to enjoy together for awhile – not that I'm complaining. As anxious as I am about taking Hope home and being responsible for the care of another human being, I'm more than willing to embrace the chaos that awaits us."
With a soft chuckle, Elliot was quick to agree, but also promise that he wouldn't let her deal with everything on her own – not that she ever doubted it for a minute. Even though he was already using some of his excessive backlog of personal time to be by his partner's side while she was in the hospital, now he had paternity leave to use, too. Likewise, Olivia had her maternity leave. They planned to spend at minimum the next three months at home bonding with their daughter.
As Olivia began to eat, barely focused at all on her food as all she could think about was when the nurses would bring in Hope for the next visit, she tried to quell the insecurities that were creeping up in her mind about the impending prospect of breastfeeding. No matter how much reassurance Elliot had given her, and no matter how much love she already had for her daughter, she was terrified of failing as a mother.
"You're not going to fail, Liv. You've already proven so many times how great of a mother you're going to be. And yes, I know how much breastfeeding means to you, that you want to be able to have that connection with Hope, but if for some reason it doesn't work out, that doesn't mean you've failed. But don't sell yourself short before you even try."
Realizing that she had spoken her fears out loud, Olivia was calmed by her partner's words, and instead of feeling embarrassed, could only feel relieved. Once again, Elliot was right, though she wasn't going to tell him that. Instead, she would just be grateful to have found someone so wonderful to share her life and build a family with.
After breakfast, Olivia allowed Elliot to help her with a shower. She had been thinking of skipping one, uncertain if she had the stamina to undertake such a task, but her partner had proved to be very convincing. As much as she didn't want to admit it, Elliot had indeed been right – again - and the time spent under the soothing spray had done wonders for the residual discomfort she still continued to experience as a result of the previous day's strenuous labor and delivery. Not that Olivia had any regrets whatsoever, she'd do it all again a million times over if it meant that she got to hold Hope in her arms.
Speaking of their daughter, the newest addition to their little family was due to arrive at any minute, and Olivia was more grateful than ever that she had settled herself in the newly acquired rocker that had just been introduced to her room. Likewise, Elliot had helped her choose some clothing items that would be extremely beneficial should the nurses decide she was ready to attempt nursing again. While she may not fully be producing milk as of yet, her body was starting to make colostrum. The goal was to continue to nurse Hope naturally, and if necessary, supplement those feedings with bottles from the breast milk bank as she had the night before. The main reason for the previous night's bottle feeding had been to allow Olivia a chance to continue to recover from childbirth. While not an overly traumatic delivery, it had been an exhausting ordeal, and both Dr. Barrett and the lactation specialist – combined with input from Dr. Adelman – had all agreed it would be in her best interest to get adequate rest.
Now, though, there were no lingering concerns. Thanks to Elliot's attentiveness, she had enjoyed a good night of sleep, plus a nutritious breakfast. Following a rejuvenating shower, she was more than ready to face the day – and most importantly, spend some time with her daughter.
As though Olivia had wished the moment into existence, one of her nurses appeared, pushing a small bassinet into the room in front of her. Resisting the urge to pinch her arm in an attempt to convince herself that she wasn't dreaming, Olivia reached out to grab Elliot's hand, still feeling the same sense of awe and wonder as they looked down at the life they had created together. Turning her head to gaze up at the man who was standing beside her as she accepted the small bundle into her arms, Olivia spoke the words on both of their minds.
"How is it that she is even more beautiful today than she was yesterday?"
Before the nurse had even left the room, Elliot didn't hesitate to bend at the waist to kiss his partner fully on the mouth, not ashamed in the least by his demonstration of love and affection. His heart was just as full as hers was, and while there was a part of him that was anticipating an argument in regard to his next statement, he knew he had to speak the truth.
"Because she takes after her mama, that's why."
Of all the reactions Elliot had been expecting, denial – indignation even - tears were not among the list. Then again, given the amount of unbalanced hormones coursing through his partner's body at the moment, he shouldn't have been surprised. Using the utmost care to not crush Hope in between them, he wrapped Olivia up in a hug, holding her close.
"It's okay, Liv. I'll tell you that as often as you need to hear it."
"It's not that, though I love you for it. I was just feeling overwhelmed for a second realizing that I'm responsible for this little life. It's..."
Olivia's voice trailed off as she tried to find the right word to describe her emotions, which Elliot readily supplied without hesitation.
"Terrifying?"
"Yes."
With a soft laugh, and another kiss, Elliot raised himself back up into a standing position, but only so he could drag a chair close by to sit beside the two women who were his entire focus for the time being.
"Welcome to parenthood, Olivia."
Her eyes shining with love, Olivia somehow managed to turn her attention back to the nurse in the room, and follow the instructions being given. With some assistance from her partner, she was able to adjust the tee shirt – specifically designed for nursing mothers – and free herself so that Hope could latch on to her nipple. Despite her obvious nerves about messing things up, it helped tremendously that she presented as calm and at ease, an aura that resonated easily with her daughter. Just as comfortable as her mother, the infant started suckling after just a few attempts, and settled in comfortably, her tiny hand resting against the swell of Olivia's breast.
Once she was certain her patient was at ease, the nurse excused herself, leaving the partners alone to marvel at the miracle of life that was continuing to unfold. Just prior to leaving, she also informed them that unless a need for more extensive care arose, Hope was welcome to stay in Olivia's room until both mother and daughter were discharged.
As his daughter nursed, Elliot looked on, the expression on his face a combination of the love and adoration he felt for the two individuals beside him. When his phone rang, he couldn't even bring himself to curse the interruption, especially when he saw who was calling, and knowing instinctively what the person on the other end would want.
"It's Maureen. I have a feeling she's with her mother and her siblings, and all of them are bursting with excitement, wondering when they can come and meet Hope. What should I tell them?"
Olivia didn't hesitate in her response. No matter the residual exhaustion she still felt, there was no way she could deny Elliot's other children – who she had already loved like her own for such a long time – the chance to meet their newest sister.
"Let them come and visit. I promise I'll let you know if it gets to be too much."
Though he hated to leave Olivia's side for any reason, Elliot did eventually get to his feet, but only because he was worried that the conversation he was about to have might be too disruptive and the last thing he wanted was to interrupt his newest daughter. When he returned a few minutes later, the smile on his face was even wider as he imparted the information he had just learned to his partner. Likewise, since Hope appeared to have finished with her feeding, he gathered the newborn gently into his arms so he could burp her.
"Everyone will be here after lunch. They all wanted to give you plenty of time to rest, and have also promised to not to stay for too long. They understand that you're still tired and sore, but are just excited to see both you and Hope."
"I'm excited for her to meet them, too."
It was clear that Hope was starting to drift off after having eaten, but before she could fall asleep entirely, Elliot made certain to change her diaper. Olivia started to protest, arguing that she could handle it, but Elliot silenced his partner, reminding her that there would be plenty of opportunities for her to take on diaper duty.
"You'll get a turn, I promise, Liv. You just gave birth yesterday, remember?"
"My body is making that quite difficult to forget, yes."
"Then let me take care of you – both of you."
Nodding, Olivia motioned for Elliot to help her up, and he understood immediately what it was she wanted. Leading her back to the bed, the two lay back down and snuggled up together. Before long, they would be returning home to their new apartment, so Olivia had the right idea. It was best to get rest while they could, before the sleepless nights took over completely.
Despite what he had implied to his partner, Elliot had no intention of napping. However, he was well aware that Olivia was already in the mindset to resist unless otherwise encouraged, no matter how tired and sore she still was. It was obvious she was determined to be the best mother possible, a goal he had no doubt she would achieve – but he wasn't about to let her run herself ragged within the first few days of being a new parent. Especially not while she was still recovering from childbirth. Plus, drawing on his own experience from when his other kids had been younger, Elliot knew well enough to recognize that the best times to grab a little extra sleep was during those precious moments when the baby was sleeping, too.
Thankfully, Olivia had drifted off almost as soon as her head had hit the pillow, and was still sleeping peacefully more than an hour later. When Elliot heard Hope start to fuss, he immediately eased himself out of his partner's arms and went to tend to their daughter. Thankfully, it didn't appear that the infant was preparing to start wailing completely, and she quieted almost as soon as her father settled her against his chest.
Grateful for the opportunity to be one-on-one with his newest child, Elliot felt his heart swell as he continued to study Hope's features, which reminded him so much of Olivia. Not for the first time, he said a quiet prayer of thanks – not just for his partner's recovery since she had been so ill, but for the safe delivery of their child. Even before she was born, Hope had already been so loved, but those emotions had only continued to grow. So enraptured was Elliot with the infant in his arms, that it wasn't until he heard his partner's voice that he realized that Olivia had woken up.
"El? Did she cry and I not hear her?"
Knowing how sensitive Olivia was to that, and how worried she already was about being a good mother, Elliot didn't want her to believe that misconception for a second longer.
"Not at all. I wasn't able to sleep, and then I heard her moving about in her bassinet. She wasn't crying, only fussing a little bit. I didn't want her to wake you, so I picked her up, and she settled immediately."
With a knowing look, Olivia arched an eyebrow and one corner of her mouth quirked up in a smile.
"Elliot. She's your daughter. You don't need an excuse to hold her."
"Noted. Also, I was telling the truth – for the most part. But it is nice to hear. Speaking of which, would you like to hold her again?"
Olivia's eager nod was all Elliot needed. He was torn, though, between putting Hope back in the bassinet temporarily so he could help his partner get situated, or keeping the newborn in his arms. Thankfully, Olivia had anticipated his internal conflict and made the decision for him.
"If you just give me a minute, I'll be able to get up. I think I'm going to sit in the rocker, and I might even try nursing her again. The lactation specialist said she should be fed every two to three hours."
"Sounds good, Liv. By the time you finish with that, lunch should be here, and she'll likely be napping again, so we'll be able to eat. With any luck, Hope will be somewhat awake to greet her visitors when they come."
It was a lot to ask of a baby, Elliot knew, but he was also aware that Olivia hoped for the same thing he did. There was just one lingering worry in the back of his mind, something he knew he rightfully should have asked earlier. He waited until Olivia had emerged from the bathroom and made herself comfortable in the rocker before asking.
"Liv, are you sure you're okay with Kathy coming in to see Hope along with my kids?"
Of all the reactions Elliot was anticipating, being stared at as though he had suddenly sprouted antlers was not one of them.
"Why wouldn't I? Elliot, not only has Kathy been amazing to me – to both of us – during my pregnancy, but she's a part of your life. I've always known that, and I wouldn't expect any different. She's the mother of your children."
"Yes, but so are you."
Olivia was silent for a moment as she attempted to get Hope to latch on to her nipple. Once the infant was suckling successfully, she turned her attention back to her partner, reaching out a free hand in his direction.
"I love that you're so concerned, but it's not necessary. I've always known what your family means to you. You and I being together and having Hope doesn't change that. I actually look forward to huge celebrations at birthdays and holidays with everyone gathered together."
"You're amazing, you know that?"
"You're pretty amazing yourself."
Just as they had on the few previous occasions when Olivia had attempted feedings, Elliot took over the burping and diaper change duties after she was finished. Even though their daughter was barely twenty four hours old, the partners had quickly established a routine to balance the duties of parenthood.
No sooner had Elliot settled the baby back in her bassinet than his previous prediction came true, and the lunch trays were being delivered to the room. Just as they were equally well aware that uninterrupted sleep was a precious commodity, each understood that a mealtime that was unhurried would be equally rare from now on – at least for awhile. It was a miracle as it was that Hope's current schedule was so easy to execute, though the newborn was likely still getting used to her place in the world, too.
Just as all her meals had been since having delivered her daughter, Olivia's lunch was geared toward helping her rebuild her energy and replenish her body. Packed with protein, iron, and calcium, it was also exactly what she would need to boost milk production. The spinach salad with hard boiled egg and grilled chicken was beyond delicious, and once again Olivia was convinced that there must be an entirely different kitchen here in the hospital specifically designed for the new and expectant mothers. There simply had to be, because the food she had been served ever since having been moved to the maternity ward was worlds above what was on her trays back in long term care.
Once she had finished eating, Olivia looked in on her daughter, who was still sleeping peacefully. Then, after weighing all of her options, she decided to settle in the bed, propped up against the headboard. Continued lingering discomfort aside, she reasoned that was also the best choice because that would allow for Elliot to remain by her side, but also for Kathy and the other Stabler kids to get close, too.
While waiting for their visitors to arrive, the partners spent some time looking over some of the many photographs they had already taken, trying to decide which to use for the formal birth announcement. Granted, Elliot had already sent out what pictures he could to family and friends, but there were others who needed to have the news shared with them as well. Although it wasn't an easy choice by any means, the two eventually narrowed it down to three of their favorites.
The sound of hushed but no less excited voices and approaching footsteps in the hallway was a clear indicator that their visitors had arrived. Elliot was impressed that the rest of his family had managed to restrain themselves, but knew they likely hadn't wanted to disturb either Olivia or Hope in the event that they were sleeping. With a glance to his right at his partner, he offered a smile.
"Are you ready for our daughter's first introductions?"
"More than ever."
For all the controlled chaos that Elliot heard in the hall, it ceased almost immediately the moment Kathy and others crossed the threshold and saw Olivia propped up in bed, Hope nestled in her arms. The same sense of awe that the partners had felt the first time they saw their newborn was evident in each and every face as they were about to meet their new sibling. In order to prevent the argument that he knew was about to unfold, Elliot was quick to intervene, calling everyone close.
"You can all come closer. I promise, all of you will get a chance to hold the baby. The only thing I ask is that you try not to overwhelm Olivia."
With a look mixed with love and just a hint of annoyance, Olivia glanced in his direction.
"El, they're fine. They just got here. They're allowed to be excited. Everyone, I want to introduce you to Hope Eloise Benson-Stabler."
Kathy, Maureen, Kathleen, and Lizzie, all exclaimed their delight as they stepped toward the bed to get a better look at the baby. Even Dickie, who was trying his hardest to appear he wasn't that affected, was clearly already enamored with his little sister. In the end, it was Elliot's ex wife who spoke up first.
"She's absolutely beautiful, you two, really. Olivia, how are you feeling?"
"Thank you. I'm doing all right, though still tired and sore. I was fortunate to have a relatively short labor considering she was my first. I know some women aren't that lucky. I already can't imagine my life without her."
Kathy's knowing smile was warm.
"I know exactly what you mean. Just remember not to overdo it these first few days, and allow yourself to heal. Accept help whenever you can get it. It's advice I wish I would have listened to. Not that I didn't have people there for me, but I was too worried about proving myself that I forgot to take care of me."
"I hear you, and as I'm sure it will come as no surprise, this one here is making sure I'm listening to all the doctor's instructions."
With a soft laugh at the way Olivia had not-so-subtly called Elliot out, Kathy nodded in agreement. He was, as she had mentioned once before, who they had in common. Now, it was on a much deeper level. But there was no animosity whatsoever between the two women, only a shared connection. Seeing the way Kathy was looking down at her daughter, Olivia knew without a doubt who she would make the first offer to.
"Would you like to hold her?"
Surprised, but clearly wanting to accept, Kathy looked first to Olivia, then to Elliot to double check for permission. After being promised that they, too, would get a turn, the Stabler siblings found themselves a place to sit as their father tenderly scooped their sister from Olivia's arms and deposited her in Kathy's, who had situated herself in one of the more comfortable chairs in the room to better be able to hold the newborn. Impatient with waiting their turn, and also eager to spend some one on one time with their father, the rest of the kids easily agreed to Elliot's suggestion that they join him on a secret mission. Curious as to just what her partner could possibly be up to now, Olivia tried her best not to dwell on it. Instead she was focused on making conversation with Kathy. There was so much she wanted to ask, but uncertain of how to start. One thing was clear, however - no matter how awkward the new positions between them may be in terms of their respective relationships with Elliot, Olivia had always respected Kathy – especially as a mother. Now, more than ever, she was hoping that the additional common ground they shared would make their bond even stronger.
As she tried to figure out what to say, Olivia watched as Kathy rocked Hope gently in her arms. Seeing Elliot's ex wife hold her daughter didn't cause the emotional turmoil that she imagined it might for most women. She had been truthful in what she had said to Elliot earlier, in voicing her relief and her gratitude at how happy she was that Hope had been born into such a unique extended family. Not only was there the Stabler side to consider, where the blood ties lay, but the brotherhood they shared with their squad.
"I meant what I said earlier, Olivia. She's truly beautiful. How are you doing, really?"
Knowing she didn't have to sugarcoat things now that Elliot's kids weren't within hearing distance, Olivia allowed herself to be more candid that she was before.
"To be honest, I've never been more terrified in my life. I've faced countless situations on the job, the most dangerous criminals you can imagine. Nothing has frightened me more than the concept of taking that little girl home and trying to take care of her."
Kathy's compassionate expression was everything that Olivia needed in that moment. The other woman carefully got to her feet, and walked the few steps to the bed, placing the infant back in her mother's arms. Then, taking a seat on the mattress beside the brunette, the blonde wrapped an arm around Olivia's shoulders.
"I know exactly what you mean. I felt the same way when I gave birth to Maureen. Elliot and I were so young then, and our parents were determined to teach us a lesson about accepting responsibility and standing on our own two feet. You don't have to worry about any of that. I'm sure you've heard the saying 'it takes a village to raise a child'. Well, you most definitely have an entire village around you. I have no doubt in my mind that you will be an amazing mother, but if you ever need anything, all you have to do is ask."
"Thank you for that. Actually, I was hoping to pick your brain a little for some advice."
Making herself more comfortable, Kathy insisted that Olivia could ask her anything. While they waited for Elliot and the kids to return, Olivia listened as Kathy told her about what she found had helped most when it came to breastfeeding. The lactation consultant had been kind, but somehow hearing it from someone who she personally knew had the firsthand experience made a world of difference.
Just as Kathy finished imparting some of the wisdom she had learned from raising four kids, Hope began to cry. Panic seized Olivia for only a moment before she shifted her daughter in her arms, positioning her more directly over her heart. Patting the infant's back in soothing circles, she murmured softly and the baby soon quieted.
"You're a natural, Olivia. I've always known you would be. You've always loved my kids as your own."
As though the mere mention of them had brought them into existence, Elliot the rest of the kids appeared once more. It appeared he had held true to his promise, having returned with yet another bouquet of fresh flowers. Plus there were balloons, and even a teddy bear for the baby. Now that Hope had settled and was no longer being monopolized by Kathy, the Stabler kids were all eager for their turn to hold her. In an attempt to stave off an argument breaking out over who would be first, Elliot reinstated an old rule that had always been in place whenever he and Kathy had brought home a new sibling – that is, youngest gets to hold the new baby first. Naturally, Lizzie was delighted by this, having never had a turn before. She eagerly went to take a seat and wait for her father to bring her little sister, while Dickie, Kathleen, and Maureen, all watched on. As time passed, Elliot struggled to get each of his children to relinquish their newest sister to the next person in line to hold her. Seeing these events unfold was a great relief for Olivia, who had still not quite been able to let go of the worry that somehow the Stablers would resent her for her changed role in Elliot's life. While the fears had lain dormant for awhile, the upheaval in her hormones following childbirth had brought them all back to the surface. She would never fault her partner for the family he had built prior to their relationship, it was just that a voice that sounded strangely like her mother was making her doubt her place.
Though none of the kids had noticed – save for maybe Maureen, Elliot and Kathy had certainly picked up on the obvious change in Olivia's demeanor. With the two exchanging a glance, the latter gathered up her kids, and made her excuses to leave.
"Come on. Olivia needs her rest. I'm sure she and your dad will be happy to let you see your sister again once they are settled back in their new apartment."
Finally snapping back to reality, Olivia was quick to respond.
"Your mom is absolutely right. You are always welcome. Thank you for coming to visit, I loved seeing all of you."
Everyone lined up to give Olivia a gentle hug, and then Elliot and Olivia were on their own with their daughter once more.
Not long after the others had left, Olivia attempted to nurse Hope again, and that feeding was supplemented by a bottle given to her by Elliot. Olivia was tempted to apologize for her fatigue, but knew her partner would understand. As Elliot handled yet another diaper change like a pro, he instructed Olivia to rest while he enjoyed some quality one on one time with their newborn. Then, situating himself in the comfortable rocker, he had his first real heart to heart with his newest daughter.
"Hey there, Peanut. You've had quite an introduction into the world, haven't you? Not even here for a week yet, and already meeting your family. The thing is, you haven't even seen most of them yet, just the ones who are related to you by blood. You are so loved, little girl, and I hope you know that. You have been since the minute we found out about you. As you grow up, I'm sure there will be plenty of times when you'll be angry at your mom and me, but I want you to always know that there will be no shortage of people that you can can count on."
Though it was typical for her to fall asleep shortly after a feeding, Hope was wide awake. Even though Elliot was aware that for an infant her age, their typical field of vision was only eight to twelve inches, it appeared that his daughter was studying him carefully, intent on every word he spoke. Maybe she was just focused on the sound of his voice, remembered it somehow from all the times he had read to her when she was nestled safe within Olivia's womb. Either way, these were the moments he would always treasure and never take for granted.
Before Elliot could say anything else, Dr. Barrett came into the room, looking instantly contrite when she realized she was about to disturb Olivia napping. Olivia, who had stirred at the interruption, was not upset whatsoever, merely curious as to when she would have the opportunity to go home, especially after so many endless weeks spent in the hospital. Her desire to regain her independence far outweighed any residual anxieties in regard to motherhood.
"Well, I can't speak for Dr. Adelman, but you are healing from delivery remarkably well. I see no reason to believe there will be any complications. If your neurologist gives you the all clear, I have no problem discharging you as soon as the day after tomorrow. I would even say as early as tomorrow, but I realize you two may have some things you need to get in order."
"Thank you. We have some amazing friends who are helping us on that front, but the extra day will definitely go a long way. Plus, I'm still a bit anxious when it comes to breastfeeding, and would like to consult with the lactation specialist before I attempt to try the pump on my own at home."
"Of course. I can have someone come by and see you later, if you'd like."
Olivia nodded in confirmation. Before leaving, Dr. Barrett spent some time with Hope. It wasn't a formal exam, rather that the doctor simply enjoyed spending time with all of the babies that she delivered. Given the complications Olivia had endured throughout her pregnancy, there was an even more special connection to this child in particular, and to see such a vibrant, healthy, and beautiful baby girl reminded the obstetrician of why she had chosen this line of work.
After the doctor had left, Olivia, all intent of napping having abandoned her, addressed Elliot.
"So, I guess one of us needs to call and make sure the apartment is ready."
"Already on it, Liv. I hope you at least got some rest. As for me, I had a nice talk with our little Peanut. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she knows who I am."
"Of course she does."
Knowing that more doctor's visits were coming later in the day, Olivia wanted to take advantage of the opportunity of Hope's nap to stretch her legs a little. For the most part, their little baby had been a perfect angel, hardly crying at all unless she was hungry or her diaper was wet, but Olivia was well aware that might not last for long. After all, her daughter was still getting used to the world. In fact, Olivia suspected that once they were free from the hospital environment, Hope would be trying out her lungs at full capacity.
The residual discomfort she was still experiencing as a result of childbirth made for a slow moving walk in the hallway, but the exercise was still very much appreciated. By the time Olivia and Elliot returned, Dr. Adelman had followed them back to the room. Following a brief exam, the neurologist had concurred with Dr. Barrett's earlier assessment that mother and daughter would be able to go home the day after tomorrow. Having the news confirmed was a bit surreal, but Olivia was nonetheless delighted. She was obviously appreciative of all the amazing care she had received during her time here, but she couldn't wait to officially move into the apartment that Elliot had found and begin building her new life with her partner and their family.
Before Olivia had a chance to even worry about the potential of what moving into a new place in less than two days time would mean – not that she was concerned in the least – Elliot had his phone out and was already dialing. After a few calls to their nearest and dearest friends, everything was indeed confirmed that it would be ready in time, from the apartment itself to the previously promised meal delivery service.
Speaking of food, the dinner trays were about to be brought to the room, and the partners were definitely counting down the last of the hospital prepared food they would need to be eating. Elliot had offered to get Olivia some delivery brought in, but she had declined, insisting she'd rather save the money to get something special for Hope, or even a potential date night in once they were settled back at home. As the idea of dream becoming reality fully took hold, Olivia's features carried a somewhat wistful expression, prompting Elliot to inquire whether or not she were all right.
"Everything okay, Liv?"
"Yes. I guess some of those unbalanced hormones are still getting the better of me. I just got weepy all of a sudden. I couldn't help but think of that night all those months ago, something like this was more than either of us ever could have dreamed of, and now its all too real. But I've never been happier."
Leaning forward to press a soft kiss against the lips of the woman he loved, Elliot's heart was full to bursting. Having had the ability to read his partner from early on in their first meeting, he was well aware of the depth of her feelings and emotions, but somehow hearing the words out loud made it that much more special.
"I've never been happier, either. You and our daughter are everything to me. I promise you I'm going to spend the rest of our lives proving that to you."
"You already have."
While a part of her had been worried the remaining time in the hospital would drag on indefinitely, Olivia couldn't help but feel a wave of anxiety when the day of her release arrived. She had been thoroughly coached by the lactation specialist on multiple visits, and was feeling much more assured in regard to both her breastfeeding ability as well as her option to utilize the pumps she had been given to store excess milk for other feedings so that Elliot could help her whenever necessary. It was just that now that the moment was finally here, the prospect of taking her daughter home and being solely responsible for her care was a terrifying concept. No matter how confident her partner was in her abilities as a mother, she had nothing whatsoever to compare herself to in terms of a positive role model. As far as Elliot's success as a father, he had more than proven himself on that front already, so Olivia was at least mollified by the knowledge that Hope would have one parent who couldn't fail her. Unfortunately her somewhat newly formed habit of voicing her innermost thoughts out loud had happened yet again, and her partner had heard every word.
"I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like that. You're an amazing mother, Liv. You have been since even before our Peanut was born."
With a look of utter misery on her face, Olivia turned to face the man who had come to stand behind her, not even bothering to conceal her emotions.
"How, though? I was sleeping through most of my pregnancy, I couldn't even take care of her then like I was supposed to."
"Because you were in a coma. That wasn't your fault. Even before that happened, you were putting our little girl's health before your own, insisting on only the bare minimum of medications for yourself and nothing that would pose any danger to her. Olivia, you had holes drilled into your skull while you were still awake because you didn't want to risk going under any anesthesia!"
Olivia opened her mouth to argue, but found there really wasn't anything she could say to refute the voracity of her partner's defense of her. All the same, she still cursed her own uncontrollable emotions when she began to cry against her will, relaxing only when Elliot's arms wrapped around her to pull her close.
"I'm a mess."
"You just gave birth a few days ago. Your body is still adjusting. You have a lot of great qualities Liv, but patience is not one of them – especially when it's with yourself."
There was no animosity in Elliot's voice as he had spoken, and yet again, Olivia knew he was right. Times like this it was a double edged sword that her partner was able to read her better than she could herself, but it was also equally a blessing.
"I might need you to keep reminding me of that."
"Be happy to. So, are you ready to head home?"
Those had once been words Olivia had never thought she would hear her partner speak, at least not in relation to them going to the same place together. Let alone with a child they shared. But that was indeed their new reality, and no matter how much it felt like she was living a waking dream, it was all very real.
Once Olivia had composed herself, she allowed Elliot to take the majority of her bags down to his vehicle – which had been brought to the hospital the day before by their friends in preparation for their departure today. While she waited for her nurse to bring in her discharge papers, she made one last pass through the room that had been her home for the last several weeks, to ensure that she hadn't left anything behind. By the time she had finished, Elliot had also returned, and all the necessary forms had been signed. Once Hope was safely buckled into her carrier, Olivia took her seat in the wheelchair. On any other occasion, she would have insisted on walking out under her own power, but she was so close now to finally being free of the hospital walls, she didn't want anything to happen that would potentially extend her stay.
It was in the elevator that Elliot and Olivia went their separate ways – he to bring the SUV around to the front doors – and the latter with her daughter's carrier in her lap with her escort to wait for her ride. They met at the exit at almost exactly the same time, and as soon as the vehicle was in park, Elliot was stepping out and rushing around to the passenger side. Thankfully, Olivia knew she wouldn't have to insist that he tend to Hope first, securing her in the rear facing seat in the back. Not wanting someone so small to sit by herself, the brunette also climbed into the backseat, deeply touched that her partner had planned ahead and placed an extra cushion for her comfort to make the journey home more bearable.
Elliot offered to stop for food on the way, but Olivia declined, saying she'd much rather wait and order in delivery later. Truth be told, she was far too anxious about Hope's first car ride, and wanted it to be over with as soon as humanly possible. It was in no way a reflection on her partner's ability behind the wheel, but rather the multitude of reckless idiots that lived within city limits. The logical side of Olivia's brain argued that she was being irrational and overprotective, but the new mother – not to mention the cop – inside of her knew all too well the dangers that lurked on the streets. Her daughter wasn't even a week old yet, and as Elliot had pointed out earlier today, she had already proven before she was born the lengths she would go to protect her.
No matter how much Elliot had tried to explain the location of their new apartment, Olivia had always had difficulty trying to place it in her minds eye. It was only as they traveled through city streets and past familiar landmarks that she could see it more clearly, and before too long, they were pulling into an underground parking garage. Even though she had already been informed of the fact, it still came as surprise when the vehicle Elliot parked next to was her own. He had told her as much when sharing all the other arrangements of what had been moved to the new place, but somehow in all the chaos of the past few weeks, it had completely slipped her mind.
"Are you ready to see your new home, Liv? I know you've seen pictures, but I'm afraid they don't exactly do it justice. Also, don't worry if you don't absolutely love it – I signed a short term lease to start, so we can always find something you like better."
"Elliot, you're rambling. Just get me upstairs. I haven't even done anything yet and I'm already exhausted."
It was on the tip of Elliot's tongue to apologize, but he knew that wasn't what Olivia wanted to hear. Instead, he wrapped a supportive arm around her shoulders. With Hope's carrier firmly gripped in his other hand, he led two of the most precious women in his life – and the ones he would be building a home here with – to their new residence.
"I can think of one feature I like already. The elevator actually works."
Laughing at Olivia's comment, Elliot pressed a kiss to her temple.
"That was definitely a selling point. I figured you wouldn't be too interested in trying to climb five flights of stairs, nor carrying all of our daughter's many belongings up them when we do start taking her places."
"You're absolutely right about that."
As though a working elevator weren't enough of an advantage, this building boasted two of them, virtually guaranteeing that there would never be a long wait. It also hadn't slipped Olivia's notice that Elliot had mentioned the fifth floor, something she had no doubt he had also told her previously, but she could easily file under the umbrella of 'mom brain' for not having remembered.
The numbers above one of the elevator doors continued to count down, signaling its descent to the first level. Thankfully, no one was trying to get off as they got on, and they had the whole car to themselves for the ride up. It was also when Olivia noticed an even better security feature, something that she had previously missed. There was a fob attached to her partner's key chain, and the elevator would not operate without it.
In no time at all, they had reached their destination. With his hands still mostly full, Elliot passed the keys to the woman by his side. Bestowing upon her the honor to be first to enter their new home, he held tightly to the carrier that their daughter currently resided in, having woken up since her nap in the car ride from the hospital. The slight tremble in Olivia's fingers was barely noticeable as she unlatched the door and pushed it open, and then the partners were stepping over the threshold. What awaited Olivia on the other side was more than she ever could have possibly imagined.
Naturally, Elliot had filled Olivia in on as many details as possible of the apartment he had rented. He had even shown her pictures, however the images she had seen did not do what she was now viewing in person any justice at all. For having been under enormous pressure to find a new residence with plenty of space in such a short period of time, her partner had been remarkably successful. As far as places in Manhattan went, it was incredibly modern, not to mention spacious.
It went without saying that Elliot would have wanted a place that would accommodate not only the new family he was building with Olivia, but his existing children whenever they came to visit. That was why he had specifically chosen a three bedroom with a den, so that the additional space could be converted into a guest room whenever necessary. Likewise, the bonus room would also make for a great office for the partners to share.
If Olivia had to pick a feature she loved the most from her initial impression alone, it would have to be the open floor plan. Whereas her old apartment had merely been a space to live, this was the first time she had ever found place that truly felt as though she could call it home – and she hadn't even seen all of it yet. It was only when she heard Elliot's voice in her ear that she snapped out of her reverie and turned her attention back to the man standing at her right.
"Come on, Liv. Let me give you the tour."
While a tour would have typically started with a kitchen or living room, Elliot instead elected to show Olivia the master bedroom first. His reasons for this were so he could lay a sleeping Hope down in the bassinet that resided in the corner of her parent's room. Even though a nursery had been designed for the young infant, Elliot was well aware that Olivia would not want to let their daughter out of her sight anytime soon, and especially not when she was so recently home from the hospital.
"It's perfect, El. I love it. Also, how did you manage to find a place we could actually afford with more than one bathroom?"
"I have teenagers. Even though they won't be living with us full time, it's certainly a necessity for those weekends and holidays when they are here – believe me."
Laughing, Olivia could only nod her agreement. With a final glance down at the slumbering newborn, she intertwined her fingers with her partner's and gestured with her head toward the door.
"How about you show me the rest of the place before she wakes up and needs to nurse again?"
With a soft kiss, Elliot was quick to agree.
"You've got it. What would you like to see first, the nursery or the rooms for my kids?"
"You pick."
Knowing that it wasn't easy for his partner to give up control to another person, and just how much that spoke of the immense level of trust between them, Elliot felt his heart swell again.
"Okay. I'll show you the girls room first. I was worried about how Dickie would feel, not having an official room all to himself to decorate or call his own, but he handled it remarkably well. Apparently he thought it meant he would be allowed to stay up all hours of the night watching TV."
"Why am I not surprised? How did he take it when you told him he'd be staying in the den – which by the way, we can easily convert to a bedroom for him. I don't need an office. Once Hope is staying in her nursery full time, we can always move a desk into our room if we want one."
Truth be told, Elliot had been expecting Olivia to make the offer she had just spoken about, so he wasn't shocked in the least when he heard the suggestion. If not for wanting to keep from overwhelming his partner entirely, he would mention his hopes that this apartment would only serve to be a temporary stepping stone for their little family, and that one day, they would have a house of their very own. But considering that Olivia was still very much in the recovery stages, not just from what she had endured with her health crisis, but also childbirth, Elliot wisely kept his mouth shut.
At long last, the tour was complete. If Olivia had to name one of her favorite features, it was probably the space just off the kitchen that served as both an extra large pantry as well as a nook to house a washer and dryer. Having previously lived in a building with a communal laundry room, the opportunity to have her very own machines in the actual apartment itself were a dream come true, especially knowing the amount of baby clothes Hope would likely be going through on a weekly – if not daily – basis.
Starting to feel weary from the busy day she'd had already, even if she hadn't actually done all that much, Olivia was more than ready to get off her feet. Thankfully, a luxurious rocker similar to what she had used while in the hospital was waiting for her in her new bedroom, and she couldn't wait to try it out. As if on cue, Hope's wails began to echo down the hall, and Olivia headed in that direction, ready to comfort her daughter.
"Care to keep us company, El? Hope needs to nurse, which works out perfectly because I need to sit down for a bit."
"Of course. If you want, you can nap when you're done feeding her. I know you've had a long day."
"That would be great."
Elliot followed Olivia down the hall to their bedroom, carrying their bags as he went. By the time he crossed the threshold, she was already situating her blouse in preparation. Crossing to the bassinet, he lifted their squalling daughter into his arms, holding her close for a few moments and murmuring some soothing words to comfort the newborn before then passing her to her mother. As soon as Olivia had Hope situated, she latched on almost instantly. Whether the immediate peace came from being nestled so close to her mother's heart, or the fact that she was now receiving the sustenance she had been craving, the infant's cries had quieted. Just as he always did whenever his partner nourished their child, Elliot looked on, his heart full of love for the scene unfolding in front of him. Sometimes he still couldn't quite believe the place he found himself in – building a family with the woman he loved after the many trials and obstacles they had faced along the way.
Given the fact that she was still so new to this world, Hope didn't nurse for very long. Once it was apparent that she was finished, Elliot accepted his daughter into his arms once more. In an effort to circumvent the protest that he knew was coming, Elliot reassured his partner that there would still be plenty for her to do.
"I know you think I'm not letting you do enough, Liv. But, you're still recovering. I promise, there will be plenty of dirty diapers left for you to change. For now, though, let me take on the lion's share while you continue to heal."
"I wasn't going to argue with you, El. I was actually going to ask if you wanted to take a nap with me. I have a feeling we're both probably going to need to grab sleep when we can get it."
Properly chastised, and feeling only slightly like an idiot, Elliot was quick to agree to the suggestion Olivia had made.
"That sounds like a great idea. Fin sent a message, the first delivery of the meal service he and John set up will be arriving in a few hours, so I have plenty of time to rest with you. Why don't you crawl into bed and get comfortable, and as soon as I get our little Peanut freshly diapered and settled down, I'll join you?"
"Sounds good to me."
Elliot and Olivia had been able to enjoy a blissful ninety minute nap before Hope woke them again. Apparently the little one was not used to her new surroundings. It made sense that the hospital environment would have provided a soundtrack of its very own, although not exactly a lullaby by any standard. However, compared to the relative silence of the apartment, it was understandable why the newborn was having trouble adapting.
Currently, Olivia was sitting up in bed, making use of the pumps she had been gifted at her baby shower. She had already used them at least twice previously, under the direction of the lactation specialist, but this was her first time attempting to do so without any assistance. So far, everything was going smoothly and her goal was to try and have enough milk so that perhaps Elliot could help with at least one of the overnight feedings that night. It was a role he'd taken on more than once while they were in the hospital, and she knew he didn't mind at all. The higher levels of pain left over from childbirth had mostly subsided, but the fatigue and overall discomfort still remained. That was why it was such an immense relief to know that her SVU family had taken so many steps to ensure that the transition to bringing Hope home would be as smooth as possible.
"Liv? Food is here. Give me a few minutes to heat it up, and then we can eat. Did you want me to bring you a plate in the bedroom, or would you rather come to the table?"
As deeply touched as she was by her partner's attentiveness, Olivia had spent entirely too many meals over her time as an inpatient sitting in bed. While she'd had much more freedom and independence toward the end of her stay during her time on the maternity ward, the last thing she wanted was to have her dinner in bed.
"I'll come to the table. It's going to be a long time before I'll want to eat in bed again."
"Noted. No breakfast in bed. Would tea or a midnight snack be acceptable?"
Olivia glanced up, to see Elliot leaning against the doorway to their bedroom, a smirk on his face. She knew he wasn't making fun of her, but there was definitely humor in the request.
"I wouldn't say no."
"Got it. How's little miss?"
Elliot glanced over at the bassinet, where Hope had been ever since a wet diaper had woken her about an hour before.
"She's awake, but just looking around. She'll be fine in here if we want to let her rest and bring the baby monitor out while we eat."
It was on the tip of Olivia's tongue to say, 'no', that she wanted to have her daughter within view at all times. She immediately admonished herself for that reaction, although she supposed it was a common one for all new mothers. Plus, there really wasn't anything to worry about. Even for all it's spaciousness, the apartment wasn't that vast, and should Hope start to cry, either she or Elliot could reach the bedroom in no time at all. Not to mention, Dana Lewis had gifted them with a top of the line video baby monitor, one of the highest quality models available.
"Okay, but I don't want to take too long."
Detaching the pumps and readjusting her top, Olivia passed the bottle containing the collected milk she had expressed to Elliot. Getting to her feet, she promised her partner she would meet him in the kitchen. Placing a kiss to her daughter's forehead, Olivia snagged the portable monitor and padded out of the bedroom. Much as it had been in the hospital, it was difficult to let Hope out of her sight for any length of time, but she knew she needed to eat and focus on her own scare. Plus, Elliot had been right. With the use of the monitor, they would have eyes on the baby throughout dinner.
When Olivia had reached designated dining space of their apartment she found that Elliot had already set the table as promised. Aside from the takeout she had indulged in on occasion, this would be the first meal she had eaten in months that had not come from a hospital kitchen.
"So, what did Fin and John send?"
"Well, it's a meal delivery service, designated to arrive two times a day while we're on leave. Apparently the service has a few options, one of which is to have them come fully prepared and only need to be heated through. That's what the guys did for us. But, there is also another version, something we should keep in mind."
Curious, but already having an idea where Elliot was going with his suggestion, Olivia arched an eyebrow as she glanced at her partner when he placed a plate in front of her.
"If you're thinking the same thing that I am, I already love it."
"Yup. That we continue the subscription and get the meal kits. Not only will it save on groceries, but everything will come already portioned. All we'll need to do is assemble."
"I love it."
Taking a bite of the chicken florentine that was on tonight's menu, Olivia savored the taste. As a new nursing mom, she was supposed to be including lean proteins in her diet anyway, and the nutritional properties of spinach were an added bonus. The white cream sauce may not have been the healthiest option, but it was certainly delicious.
As for Hope, the monitor showed that their little Peanut had drifted back to sleep. By the time they were finished with dinner, she would be due for another feeding, but Olivia certainly appreciated having the ability to enjoy a quiet meal with her partner. She already loved her daughter more than life itself, but everything had been such a whirlwind since giving birth a few days earlier, and sometimes things still seemed far too surreal to believe that they were actually a reality.
When they were about halfway through with eating, Elliot set his fork down. Olivia could tell by the look on his face alone that he wanted to ask her something, but for whatever reason, he was hesitating. She watched as he delayed the inevitable by taking a lengthy drink of his iced tea. It was only after clearing his throat that her partner seemed to summon up the courage to put voice to the question at the back of his mind.
"Now that you've had some time to think about it, and even take a nap here – I know it will take awhile to adjust to a new place – are you sure you really like the apartment? I was so worried, but I needed to find a place."
"El, I promise you, I love it. I'd never lie to you about that. Granted seeing it in person doesn't do those pictures you showed me in the hospital justice, but that's because it's so much better."
Relieved, Elliot leaned forward. The way they were sitting, him on one side of the table, and Olivia at the next corner, put them much closer than sitting across from one another. He took advantage of their proximity to steal a kiss before the pair resumed not only their dinner, but also the easy conversation that they had been sharing before.
"Oh, I meant to tell you, I had a message from the group at work earlier. They were wondering when it would be okay to stop in for a visit."
Olivia gave that some serious consideration. Truth be told, she was still very tired and experiencing some discomfort. However, the squad was her family. Elliot's children had already met their new little sister while she was in the hospital, and she didn't want to keep the others away for too long. Plus, it wasn't as if she would be expected to entertain.
"Why not tell them to stop by tomorrow, so long as they don't get swamped by a case? I'd love to see them, too. If I'm feeling up to it, maybe we can all order something in together for dinner."
"Sounds good. I'll message the Cap. You do realize that during the time that they are here, we're not going to be allowed to hold our own child, right? That is, of course, unless you need to nurse?"
"I'm well aware. We're also going to need to make an official decision on who we are naming as godparents."
Nodding in agreement, Elliot suggested they postpone that discussion for just a bit longer. He had something in mind, but he wanted to wait until they were settled and ready for bed before mentioning it. Getting to his feet, he gathered the now empty plates and gestured with his head toward the living room.
"Why don't you head in and put your feet up? I'll join you once I put these in the dishwasher."
"You're going to spoil me."
"That's the plan."
Even though Elliot and Olivia had enjoyed a somewhat relaxing evening for their first night together in their new home, trying to get sleep was anything but. For as comfortable as the two adults were, the same could not be said for their daughter. Hope had been an absolute angel during her time in the hospital, and while she had woken at regular intervals for feedings and diaper changes, it was nothing compared to what had happened the night before. Neither Elliot nor Olivia had gotten a conducive rest, both having tried their best to calm the crying newborn.
Now, Elliot was wanting to suggest that they postpone the visit from their friends, but Olivia wouldn't consider it. Deep down, he understood his partner's reasoning, as he was looking forward to seeing them, too. But Elliot's primary concern was for the woman he loved, and not wanting her to overtax herself, especially when she was supposed to still be resting. It was only after Olivia promised that she would let him know if she were feeling overwhelmed that he ultimately relented.
For the time being, Hope was currently napping, having recently been nursed by her mother. Likewise, Olivia too was resting in the living room, enjoying a cup of herbal tea. If not for their guests who were scheduled to arrive, Elliot likely would have been preparing for lunch, but even the meal delivery service would temporarily be put on hold this afternoon. That was because Cragen, Fin, and John were planning to bring something with them for everyone.
After checking on his daughter, Elliot went to join his partner, tiptoeing into the room quietly on the chance that Olivia might have fallen asleep. She was still awake, but curled against him the moment he sat next to her.
"I'm still awake, El. Tired, but otherwise okay."
"Glad to hear it. How are your pain levels?"
"I don't need to take anything at the moment, if that's what you're asking. I might try some Tylenol when we eat, though, just to make sure it doesn't get the better of me."
Pressing his lips to Olivia's forehead, Elliot murmured a response.
"Of course. That shouldn't be too long anyway. The guys should be here soon."
As though he had wished them into existence, the intercom buzzed at that very instant, indicating that their friends had, in fact, arrived. Elliot got to his feet to buzz them through the security entrance, and open the door for them to let them in. Even though she knew it wasn't necessary, Olivia also stood, wanting to be upright when she greeted her friends after having spent so many endless weeks in the hospital. The last time she had seen them had been at her baby shower.
After many hugs and a few tears on Olivia's part – she was still far too emotional for her liking – everyone got settled and comfortable while Elliot sorted out the food and drinks. In the end, it was Fin who asked the question on all of their minds.
"So, where is the little princess?"
"Sleeping for now. She'll be due to wake up by the time we're all done eating."
"Sounds like perfect timing. Speaking of sleep, it looks like the two of you didn't get very much last night."
As Elliot brought in the first of the plates, it was he who answered.
"Not really, it was a tough one. I think our little Peanut was putting on her best behavior for the hospital staff, but now that she's home with us, those stubborn Benson and Stabler genes are shining through."
Olivia arched an eyebrow and looked over at her partner, a smirk on her face.
"How did my genes get roped into this one? How do you know she's not taking after you? You're the one who never does what he's supposed to!"
Although he knew he probably should stay out of it, Don Cragen couldn't resist chiming in.
"I believe both of you are in my office more than your fair share. I think it's safe to say that any child of yours would share traits from each of you."
After sharing a glance and a grin with Elliot, Olivia turned to face her Captain.
"You're probably right about that."
After they were done eating the lunch of Chinese takeout that Cragen had refused to accept reimbursement for, Olivia and Elliot were in for yet another surprise. Although the former had noticed another bag when the men had arrived at her apartment, she hadn't really been paying much attention. But when she was presented with gifts from not just one, but all three of them, she felt her emotions running away with her all over again.
"You guys! You already bought me something for the shower!"
John was the first to respond.
"We did. But this isn't for you, it's for Hope. She's just too young to open them herself."
As far as arguments went, it was a pretty sound one, and Olivia found that she couldn't refute it. Plus as she opened the presents, everything was so adorable that she could already picture just how cute her little girl was going to look in them.
"Thank you – all of you."
Olivia was just starting to get a handle on her emotions when she was taken over by a massive yawn she was unable to hide. Overcome by embarrassment, she turned to Elliot, hoping that he wouldn't try and chase their friends away. It was then she saw that her partner was equally exhausted. As if that weren't enough, Hope began to wail, and with the combination of the newborn's cries echoing from both down the hall and over the monitor, the sound was coming in virtual stereo. Knowing her daughter's needs had to be tended to, the last thing Olivia was expecting was the suggestion that came out of Fin's mouth.
"Okay. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to go and calm the little angel down, do what you need to do. Then, the two of you are going to get some much needed rest, and leave her in our capable hands."
Convinced she hadn't heard correctly, Olivia looked dumbly at the man standing next to her.
"What?"
"I'm sure you have some milk ready to go. We can handle a feeding or a diaper change if necessary, and the two of you look like you're ready to drop at any minute. What better babysitters could you ask for than not just one, but three cops?"
Now that she was more certain that she wasn't hallucinating, Olivia turned to Elliot. He brushed a kiss against her temple, and offered the only reassurance she needed to hear.
"He's right, Liv. If our little Peanut keeps us up tonight again, we're going to need the rest. I'll go get her and make sure she's in a fresh diaper. You get a bottle of the milk you expressed earlier. I have a feeling we'll both be asleep as soon as our heads hit the pillow."
After introductions were made – and compliments over Hope's beauty were given to her parents – Olivia and Elliot were once again encouraged to go and get some much needed sleep. As the partner's headed down the hall toward their bedroom, their daughter was currently being held by their Captain, but gentle bickering could be heard among all the men over who would be next. In the meantime, Elliot had moved the portable bassinet to the living room in case it would be needed, but his earlier prediction also came true. The moment Olivia and Elliot were in the bed and under the covers, they were instantly asleep. It was only because of the last conscious thought on Elliot's part that had him setting an alarm so as not to take advantage of their friends generosity.
The nap had been incredibly conducive, and in the end, Elliot had woken before his alarm could go off. His trained ear told him that the men in the living room were regaling his daughter with embarrassing stories of not just him, but Olivia as well, and he was extremely grateful for the time being that Hope's level of comprehension was not enough that she could understand what she was being told. At any rate, Elliot had no doubt that his Peanut was being thoroughly entertained.
As much as he wanted to go out and relieve the three self appointed babysitters, Elliot was also enjoying these few moments of quiet with Olivia in his arms. His partner was still sleeping peacefully beside him, even though he could tell by her facial expressions alone that she, too, would be waking soon.
Sure enough, a few moments later, the woman by his side stretched languidly and blinked up at him. Elliot watched, amused, as realization dawned. This was a familiar occurrence, and had been in the few days since Hope was born. Granted, he was also adjusting to the new reality, but for Olivia, it seemed she was still very much living in a surreal state. Every morning – or anytime she woke – her hand would travel to her abdomen, almost as if it were reflex. Even though it was very much not a dream, the knowledge that their daughter was here and part of their world caused a renewed sense of wonder each and every time.
On this particular occasion, it was the reminder that their Peanut was currently in the care of their Captain and fellow detectives that was most apparent. All the same, Elliot couldn't remember when he had last seen his partner look so rested – at least not since before she had given birth.
"Sleep well?"
"I did. You."
"Very much so."
Elliot leaned close and pressed his lips softly to Olivia's, enjoying as much of their time together as he possibly could. He had an idea in the back of his mind, but he didn't want to voice it out loud just yet, not until he could ascertain just what she was thinking. As it so happened, there were yet again on the same wavelength.
"So, I wanted to pick your brain. What would you think about inviting the guys to stay for dinner – nothing fancy, we could just order in a few pizzas or something? I know they don't expect it, but I'd like to do something to say thank you for the way they helped us today."
"You read my mind, Liv."
The two eventually made their way back out to the living room. Hope was in her bassinet, and the three men were sitting around talking quietly. The partners were pleased to see that their friends had listened to their earlier instructions, and helped themselves to drinks. It was John who spotted the arrival of the newly awakened parents first, and issued a greeting.
"Well, look who is back among the land of the living. Feeling better, you two?"
Not bothering to conceal his grin, Elliot answered for both himself and Olivia.
"Much. Thank you again. So, Liv and I were talking, and we thought if you didn't have anywhere to be, if you'd like to stay and join us for some pizza? Our treat."
Everyone was quick to agree, but what the partners weren't expecting was for dinner to come with yet another stipulation. This time, it came from Cragen.
"We'd be happy to, but under one condition. That the two of you take some more time for yourselves. I'm willing to bet that much like sleeping, neither of you have had the opportunity to enjoy an actual shower since Hope has been born. Consider our babysitting services extended for just a bit longer so you can do just that, be it together or separately."
Even though he was extremely grateful for what was being offered, Elliot couldn't resist to add some levity to the situation. Raising first one arm, then the other, and sniffing dramatically, he turned to the woman by his side.
"Liv, I think our Captain is saying that we smell."
"You do, maybe. But I won't say no to a shower where I don't feel like I have to rush. The one in my room at the hospital was lovely, but it's nothing compared to what we have here."
Elliot took no offense to Olivia's comment. He knew she wasn't referring to him ever having rushed her, it was more to do with the fact that they had never known when a doctor would be stopping by, so there was hardly ever any time to luxuriate before. They hadn't been at the apartment long enough to work out a schedule or routine, but that was certainly on their list of things to do. In the meantime, they certainly couldn't turn down what they had been offered, and barring any unexpected surprises later on, grabbing a shower now would afford each of them extra time together later this evening.
"As long as you guys don't mind. If you're still good food wise, we can place the order for the food when we come back. If not, help yourself to snacks."
"Elliot, stop fussing. We'll be fine. Go, take care of yourselves."
That was how, for the first time since their daughter was born, Olivia and Elliot found themselves standing together under the spray of the shower. While the former was still restricted physically on what she could and couldn't do, it didn't make the encounter any less intimate. Determined to make the experience as luxurious as he could, and pamper his partner as much as possible, Elliot insisted on not just washing, but also conditioning Olivia's hair. Likewise, he lathered up a soft sponge and washed her body tenderly, mindful of the areas where she was still dealing with tenderness or discomfort. When they were done, he applied a soothing lotion on her skin, and used the blow drier to tame her chestnut tresses.
"I've been thinking about getting my hair cut. Not immediately, but in a few months, once Hope is a little older. I just figure between caring for an infant and when I go back to work, something more low maintenance will be easier to manage."
Now that his partner was completely taken care of, Elliot finally tended to himself. As he finished getting dressed, he turned to press a kiss to Olivia's lips.
"Whatever you decide. You'll look beautiful no matter what. Just let me know when you do, because I'll send you to the salon myself. You can make an entire spa day out of it."
"I like the sound of that. I see you're keeping your word about spoiling me."
"You know it."
Between the much needed nap and non-rushed shower, it was a very relaxed Olivia and Elliot who joined their friends back in the living room just as Hope began to cry again. Not feeling the least bit rattled, Olivia immediately scooped her daughter up into her arms. With Elliot's help, she soon was situated, comfortably and discretely nursing – not that any of the men in the room would have judged her otherwise.
As for Elliot, he had placed a call for the pizzas after getting a vote on everyone's preferred toppings. Out of consideration for his partner, he also included a salad with the order, knowing how Olivia was trying to get as many nutrients as possible to stimulate her breast milk production.
While they waited for the food, Fin and John entertained with tales about the two temporary detectives who were filling in until Olivia and Elliot could return to work. Laughter ensued, and it felt good to be included back in the fold after having missed so much for so long. When Olivia felt Hope stop suckling, she turned to pass the infant off to her partner.
"El, can you take her?"
"Of course. Does she need changed?"
"I don't think so, I just need to get myself situated. Plus she always loves when you hold her."
Not long after, the pizzas arrived. Just as they had earlier in the day, the small group sat around the living room as they ate. For the first time, the subject was broached as to when Olivia and Elliot would be returning to work. The duo exchanged a glance, and while this was something they had discussed between themselves, they hadn't voiced it out loud to anyone else just yet. Following a nod from Olivia, it was Elliot who answered.
"Well, obviously, my leave time isn't as long as Liv's is. She's taking a little bit extra time. I'll probably be back in about another three months, with her it will be closer to four. We want to spend as much time with Hope as we possibly can, plus we're going to be looking for a nanny, too."
Having swallowed the bite that was previously in her mouth, Olivia continued.
"Elliot was fortunate with his other kids, Kathy was able to stay at home with them. But I love my job, and now that I have my daughter, I'm even more determined to make sure the world is a safe place for her. I don't have anything against daycare, but with the hours we keep, that just wouldn't be feasible. We need someone who can come to us."
Cragen was the first to respond.
"You know we'll all help whenever you need."
"You already have, and we appreciate it more than we can say."
Clearing his throat Cragen set down his plate. After taking a drink of his diet soda, he attempted again to say the other thing he had to say. It wasn't anything new, but it would be the first time that the news would be made official.
"As for your return to work, I want you to know that you will both be welcomed back. I've cleared things with One PP, and I'm sure you both remember the terms. You're not allowed to be partners - at least on paper. Nothing will prevent you from working together when it's an all hands on deck situation, and you're still permitted to be in the same squad, especially since you're in a voluntary one like SVU."
The conversation had indeed taken a serious turn, but Olivia was glad to be getting some of the answers she had been afraid to ask for.
"So what's going to happen."
Always known for his levity, John chimed in.
"You and Elliot get to fight over this one and myself."
Gesturing with his thumb to the person sitting beside him, John indicated Fin. That was when Olivia realized that a partner swap would be taking place. It had been mentioned previously, what seemed like a lifetime ago, but nothing had been written in stone. With an impish grin, shes turned to face Elliot.
"So, should we use 'rock-paper-scissors', or would you rather thumb wrestle to see who wins first choice?"
"Hey!"
Fin and John's indignant outburst came in unison, before everyone looked at one another and burst out laughing.
Not long after everyone had finished eating, the group made their excuses to leave. Had they not insisted upon the parents getting some much needed rest and self care, they would have left long before now, or been worried about overstaying their welcome. However, each of the men was well aware that Olivia and Elliot wouldn't have dropped their guard and allowed their vulnerability to show for just anyone.
Before walking out the door, Cragen, Fin, and John, each gave Olivia a kiss on the cheek. After exchanging a firm handshake turned hug with Elliot, and telling the pair what a beautiful daughter they created together, they reminded them to call if they ever needed anything. So it was, following a busy day, Olivia and Elliot were once again on their own in their new home.
"Did you feel up to watching anything?"
"I don't think so. I thought we could just enjoy some quiet tonight. Little miss will be needing a bath soon, and then a feeding."
Elliot offered to handle bath time in favor of allowing Olivia to rest, which she gladly accepted. In the meantime, the couple curled up together on the couch, reflecting on the events of the afternoon and evening. In Elliot's mind, there was so much to be grateful for. They had come so far together, overcome so many obstacles. Now, they were here, finding their way, and navigating parenthood. He knew what he wanted when it came to the future, but he didn't want to press his luck by asking for too much, too soon. At the very least, he was going to wait until after Olivia's hormones had regulated somewhat. He wanted her to know for certain that he was asking her to spend her life with him because he wanted her, and not because she had just given birth to his daughter.
"El?"
"Hmm?"
"I asked if you were okay. You looked like you were worried about something."
Oops. That wasn't good. Pressing his lips to Olivia's forehead, Elliot quickly tried to reassure her.
"I'm fine, I promise. Just thinking about what amazing friends we have."
"You're right about that."
Seeing how tired Olivia was getting, and still feeling quite fatigued himself, Elliot got to his feet. Even though he had previously promised to handle Hope's bath on his own, the two made it a joint effort. It didn't take long, and by working in tandem, they were able to make sure that the infant didn't catch a chill by quickly wrapping her up in a warm towel soon after she was clean and rinsed off. Once their little Peanut was in her onesie, Olivia carried her into their bedroom, and settled into the rocker so she could nurse while Elliot cleaned up from the bath. Not long after their daughter was down for the night, her parents were crawling into bed themselves.
"Unless you need to, Liv, I can get her when she wakes up next."
"I'll see how I feel."
"Of course."
The pair lay quietly together, not sleeping yet, but still not exactly awake either. Just when Elliot was about to drift off, Olivia's voice reached him through the silence.
"El?"
"Yeah, Liv?"
"Thank you, for everything. I don't know if I can ever say that enough. I love you."
"I love you too. Both of you. Always will."
A/N: Just an FYI: With the recent spate of issues on FF dot net and the frequency of notifications being down more often than not, I've been starting to rely on AO3 more often than not. Rest assured, I will not abandon any story here or leave one unfinished, but AO3 is starting to become my preferred site. I have the same username there, so if you'd like, you can follow me over there as well. But like I said, I will continue to post all my active stories on here until their completion, so you don't have to worry about missing anything.