AN: I'm here again! I know it was a bit of a long wait but hopefully some of your questions might be answered in this chapter. Alas, we begin again.

PJ

BellaPOV

I drifted from my subconscious slowly. I noticed a chill in the room. It was the middle of summer I shouldn't be cold. I reached for a blanket hoping to fallback asleep for a little longer. I pulled it up and my hand brushed the bare skin of my belly. That's odd. My night gowns didn't normally ride up. I opened my eyes.

This wasn't Jasper and I's room. I lifted the blanket. I was wearing hot pants and a tank top. The chilly air finally made sense. Air conditioning had been invented. Shorts on women was normal and so was sleeping in almost nothing. I sat up and looked around my room. This wasn't Forks. I was back in Arizona.

Have I changed my future? What day is it? What year is it?

A light erupted from my bedside table. I picked up my phone and opened it. A new message. The date said January 16, 2005. I haven't moved to Forks yet. I clicked open the message.

Hey Bella! I can't w8 to c u on our d8 2morrow. I'll pik u up 6, OK?

The message was received last night at 10:48pm. It was from PJ. Oh god how I missed PJ. PJ was a guy I had met on this Adopt a Soldier thing my school in Arizona did. PJ was a Marine and insisted that he shouldn't have been in the program because Marines were Marines, not soldiers. He and I had been on a couple of dates on and off since I met him the first time on my birthday in 2004. Today's date would be our last one unfortunately. He gets shipped off in three days and died on January 27, 2005 in Iraq. It was 5am but I knew would be awake. He always was. I called him.

"Good Morning, Beautiful. You fell asleep on me last night." He said as he answered. I was speechless. It was just so surreal that he was talking to me. "Bella? Is the connection okay? Can you hear me?"

I cleared my throat.

"Yeah, I can hear you. Sorry I didn't mean to pass out on you. I was really tired. It's so good to hear your voice." I said without really thinking about it.

"We talked on the phone last night Bella. Are you feeling okay?

"Yeah, I just, I guess I had a rough night." It wasn't a lie. I was exhausted from the last couple weeks.

"Do you want to talk about it? I'll listen to your voice any day." he said. I knew who I wanted to talk to but I wouldn't be seeing him again for a long time.

"Not right now. I've missed you. I feel like I haven't seen in you in years." I said I got out of bed and opened up my underwear drawer. I felt gross and needed a shower desperately. I pulled out some underwear and stopped when I saw the leather bound journal that I had been writing and drawing in for the last two weeks. Lotte was sneaky. I shifted the phone to my right hand and looked at my left ring finger.

"I get that. It's only been a couple weeks though."

The ring was here too. I knew it would raise a lot of sticky questions if I kept wearing it. I pulled it off and went in search of a long chain to put it on.

"I know." As much as I wanted to love PJ like the man he is, I never could he was my big brother and I could never change that. I knew that tonight was when I finally told him that I couldn't love him like he wanted. He took it extremely well. Tonight was a second chance for me. I could finally have some closure with PJ's death and I wouldn't be depressed for months on end. Hopefully, that part of my life was one thing I was totally glad I left behind when I moved to Forks.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked. "We can just stay in tonight if you want to."

"I'm just exhausted, I think I'm going to shower and go back to bed for a little while." I told him. "I'll see you when you get here, Peej."

"You know I detest that name. You only get away with it because it's you. I'll talk to later, Bella. Let me know if you want to stay in later, okay?"

"Let's go out. Oh and PJ?" I said.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Good Morning to you too." I flipped through the pages of the journal and stopped on some of the fonder memories. I opened it to the next blank page, I wrote a header in black ink.

Our Wedding Day.

I closed the journal and placed it back in my underwear drawer, intending to write about it later. I picked up some clean clothes and went to shower.

…

I woke again later that day to my mother singing along with the radio, badly but I was happy to hear it again. I had missed it. I went down and ate breakfast with her. I was a bit difficult to act like I was still the same person. I was nowhere near the same person.

"When did you cut all your hair off?" was the first thing she said to me. I guess I had forgotten about that little aspect. "It looks good."

"I did it last night I thought it was time for a change." I said, burying my face in my cereal.

"Is that why you came home so late? To surprise me with a new haircut?" she asked. Now was the time to ham it up. I peeked up at her sheepishly.

"Guilty." I said.

"I knew it! I like your hair. I liked it better long but this style makes you look older and more sophisticated." She said.

"Thanks Mom. It was kind of spur of the moment and I was a little nervous about it." I said. It wasn't totally a lie. But a mangled truth. I was nervous and it was something that just kind of happened.

"I have a date with PJ tonight." I said casually.

"Oh? I like him. You should keep that one." She said.

"I just might." I said. How could I not say that? He's the only guy I "know" right now.

"What are you going to wear?"

We sat there for another hour just talking about all the girly things my mother's heart desired. I promised to wear the 50s chic navy blue dress that she loved so much.

The rest of the day went by fairly slowly, I wrote about the last couple days I spent with Jasper and his family and generally spent time gathering my thoughts about where I was now.

Lieselotte gave me a completely new chance to fix this. Not that being with Edward was completely wrong. He just wasn't my Jasper; he wasn't my mate.

It was about an hour until PJ arrived to pick me so I decided to start getting ready. I curled my short locks and fixed them in a suitable fashion. It was mostly pinned back just enough to give me some volume but not suffocate the curls. I left a strand or two out to "hide" behind.

I put on minimal make up because this was technically still a date. I'm just glad Jasper and I hadn't met yet. I don't think he would like this. I'd have to talk to PJ tonight.

"Bella!" I heard my mother call from across the house. "PJ's here." I jumped up how long had I been sitting here? I pulled on the dress, slipped on my shoes, and spritzed some perfume. I grabbed a light jacket as I left my room and hurried out to see PJ.

"Hey Peej." I said. He was sitting talking to my mother. He jumped up and turned to see me.

"Bella!" he came to me, picked me up in a hug and spun me around. "It's great to see you! I've missed you so much!" I hugged him hard and swallowed the tears back down. He set me down and held me at arm's length, "You've cut your hair off!"

"Yeah," I replied shyly. "Do you like it?" I asked.

"You'll always be beautiful to me, Bella. It's different, a good different. I love it!" he said. I smiled like an idiot. He turned to my mother again who was standing near us. "It was wonderful to see you, Mrs. Dwyer. We've got reservations tonight, will you be alright until Phil gets home?"

"Oh, I'll be fine. You two have fun!" she said, she leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.

"I'll be out late, Mom. Love you!" I said. I picked up my purse and lead PJ out the front door. PJ looked especially handsome this evening. In just normal jeans and a nice shirt. He opened the car door for me and closed it when I got in.

He hurried around to the other side of the car and got in. As he closed the door he leaned in and kissed me like he always used to. It shocked me, I blushed and resisted the urge to slap him. He thought this was normal. I'm not technically married and he's technically my boyfriend.

"You alright?" he asked. I straightened up and nodded.

"Yeah, Just feeling a little off, I guess." I said. He had just turned the car on.

"Like I said this morning, we can stay in tonight I'm just glad to see you." he said taking my hand.

"Let's go get something to eat." I said.

"You sure?" I took his hand and smiled.

"Drive PJ."

He took me to a nice dinner at a small family owned place and we sat in a secluded corner of the restaurant and had a candle lit in the center of the table.

"You're even more beautiful than I remembered." He said. I was looking down at my Caesar salad.

"Have you been drinking? Are you sure that's not vodka?" I asked pointing at his water glass. I smiled and laughed. He laughed.

"Oh har har. You're beautiful. Deal with it." he said. My smile fell. I remembered the ring hanging around my neck. This wasn't right at all, I couldn't let PJ keep doing this. Remembering the speech I had rehearsed the whole day I broke things of with PJ, I started the process again.

"Are you alright, Bella?" PJ asked. I sat up a little straighter. I pushed my salad away. I was done with it anyway.

"I'm okay. Listen Peej, I've," I was cut off by our meals arriving.

"Chicken alfredo lasagna." Our server set a plate in front of PJ, "Chicken parmesan for the lady." He sat a plate in front of me.

"Thanks, anyway, I just don't-" I started again.

"Cheese?" he held up a cheese grater.

"No, thank you." I said not looking up at him.

"Sure." PJ said. The server grated the cheese over his food. PJ raised a hand. "Thank you. What were you saying?

"Well, I-"

"Can I refresh your drinks?" he asked. I looked up at him, starting to get a little annoyed.

"No thanks, I'm alright." My glass was still full and so was PJ's.

"Alright enjoy your meal." He said.

"As I was trying to say, I think we should talk about our relationship." I said. PJ kept his steady eyes on me and nodded.

"Alright." He said after swallowing. "What would you like to talk about?"

"I love you, PJ you're one of the greatest men I've ever met and my best friend." I said and took a breath.

"But?" he asked.

"But," I followed. "You have a dangerous job. It's an honorable job and I couldn't respect you more for what you do, but you're always moving. You served two tours in Afghanistan and have signed up for another. I want to be with you but I can't handle this long distance thing in high school I'm a sophomore, and you're twenty-two."

"So what are you saying?" he asked.

"I'm saying I think we should take a break. From the relationship side of us." I paused and a silence hung in the air. "Maybe not even a break just a step back for perspective."

"Perspective on what? If you're unhappy, Bella, please tell me. I'd do anything for you. Your happiness is my priority." He said, setting his fork down.

"I'm not unhappy but I think we should take some time as just friends for now. Is that alright?" I told him. "I think we might be better as friends. I don't want to lose you completely."

"You'll never lose me." Hearing that hit me hard and deep. He didn't know his own future wasn't very long.

"Oh! Speaking of tours, that's something I wanted to talk about tonight. I'm leaving in a few days for my third tour."

"Oh." It was all I could say. I knew what would come of this, I wouldn't ever see PJ in person again after tonight.

"Look, Bells, I know you don't like it when I get deployed but it's my job. I chose to do this with my life and I'm okay with putting my life at risk. Besides I'll be back before you know it." he said, taking my hand.

"I know." I choked out. I was welling up. "I just worry about you."

"I know, Sweetheart." He paused. "Sorry, it's a habit." I looked up at him. He was watching me carefully.

"I don't mind. It's not that big of a deal." I hadn't eaten much but I wasn't hungry anymore. I didn't want to have to relive the hell of losing my best friend.

"What do you say to getting a couple of boxes and going to my place? We can rent a couple movies and just hang out for a night. You can even borrow some sweats and a t-shirt." he said. I peaked up at him and gave him a half smile.

"Alright."

…

I woke up to a blaring alarm clock, snuggled into my own pillow, still wearing the sweats that PJ let me use. They were baggy but they were comfortable. I went downstairs, poured myself a bowl of cereal, and turned on the morning news. Not long after I had sat down to eat my mother came in, dressed for work and ready for her day.

"I didn't hear you come in last night. When did you get home?" she asked. She brushed a messy curl, that didn't quite reach the messy pencil bun she had in her hair, out of her face. Her back was to me as she readied a bowl of her own cereal.

"Late. PJ and I got dinner to go and camped out at his house and watched movies." I said nonchalantly.

"I guess that explains the clothes. Did anything, you know, happen?" she asked, cheekily. I would never be used to my mother, the 1st grade teacher, asking about my sex life. I'm not even sure if what happened in 1863 counts as my sex life or not. I'm going to say it does but it's all really confusing.

"Mom! What are you doing? No!" I reacted just like any 17 year old would towards that kind of parental question.

"I'm sorry, I just want to know you're being safe, if that were to… occur." She grinned and ate silently watching me. The news chimed on about how violent the war in the Middle East had gotten lately.

"He's shipping out on Wednesday." I said, solemnly. "Do you think you could call me in sick so I can see him off?" I asked. We'd had this conversation loads of times before. Her answer was always the same.

"You really shouldn't miss school. Maybe next time if he leaves when you don't have school." She said.

"There's no guaranteed next time though. Please Mom?" I said, pleadingly.

"Bella, you can't think like that. He'll be back." She picked up her bowl and rinsed it out in the sink. She looked at the time on the microwave.

"Oh, I'm going to be late. I'll see you tonight." She picked up her enormous teacher bag as Phil and I had started to call it and rushed out of the house.

I exhaled heavily, "Yeah, he'll come back alright." I said, "In an casket." I rinsed my bowl out and went to get ready for school. I moved through my room and picked out something to wear. I pulled on a pair of comfortable jeans and some athletic shoes. I rummaged around in my closet and found a shirt that was presentable. I pulled it on and straightened my hair. I applied my normal minimal make up and somehow avoided stabbing myself in the eye. I picked up my backpack and rummaged through it. I pulled out a black 3 ring binder and turned it over. Thank god I always kept my class schedule in my notebook all year. This was my saving grace right now.

"I guess I should go to school." I put the books back into my bag and put it on. I opened my underwear drawer and pulled out the notebook. I grabbed a jacket from the end of my bed and left. I drove to school, knowing I'd be earlier than normal and sat in my car. I picked up the notebook and opened it. I wrote a lot about the wedding and the events following. I put today's date at the top of the next page.

January 17, 2005

It's been odd growing accustom to present day life since coming back. I don't have any idea what Mary Elizabeth and James think happened to me. I'll have to do some research on that later tonight. In a way, it's good that I didn't have many friends in Arizona. It would be easier to act like nothing has changed for me. When in reality, my whole life is different. I'm married, technically, and I've seen two years into my future. I know that vampires are in fact real and so are wolves. These parts of my life that I'll have to relive and I'll already know what happens. That is, if nothing has changed. I don't know if Jasper still remembers me. If he does there's no way he'd think to look for me. I would be dead for about 100 years that's if I was lucky.

It'll be a shock for Jasper when he sees me again. I hope he remembers me.

I looked at the clock in my car it was time for me to get to class. This was going to be interesting

…

At the end of the day, I was sitting at home working on an English assignment when my mom got home.

"Bella. I'm home! How was school?" she called.

"It was good; I'm in here." I called back. School was alright it was just weird. I went to all of my classes and generally stayed in the shadows. The one person I would consider a friend told me she liked my hair.

"What did Jen think of your hair?" my mom asked coming into my room. I turned to her face her.

"She liked it. She said she thought it was cool." I said. She pulled the pencils out of her hair and let it fall.

"Really? That's it?" she said, "Did anyone else comment on it?" she asked. I shook my head.

"I don't talk to many people and it's a really big school. So, I guess it makes sense." I said.

"Hm, alright. Well, I'm going to go soak in the tub." She said.

"Hey before you go! What do you want for dinner?" I asked.

"Anything is fine." She called from down the hall. I turned around and went back to my homework.

Today hadn't really been anything special it was a normal day at school by anyone's standards.

…

I was dreading today. I had been talking to PJ all night on the phone. He kept me on the phone while he finished his last minute packing and while he got ready to leave. I talked to him while he drove to the landing strip on the military base. He had been trying since about two in the morning to get me to go to bed. He was planning on sleeping on the plane but I had school tomorrow. He told me goodbye and that he'd talk to me when he got to base and had a chance. I would get to talk to him one more time before it happened. I went down stairs and started a pot of coffee. Today was going to be a long day. All though the 27th would be worse. I wouldn't find out until late that night and I have to spend the whole day knowing he's gone and I can't show any emotion.

I pulled on some jeans and a sweatshirt I didn't want to do anything with my hair so I pulled a beany on and called it good. I went back down stairs and poured myself some coffee. I was fixing it when my mom came in.

"Bella you need more than just coffee. When did you go to bed last night?" she said, pulling down two bowls for cereal.

"I'm really not all that hungry. And I didn't sleep. I was talking to PJ." I said, sipping my coffee.

"I know you're worked up about him but you need to eat something." she handed me a granola bar and put the second bowl away.

"I know. Thanks Mom." I said.

…

I got the call three nights ago. His dad called. It hurt just as much this time. I had convinced myself that going back in time could have changed his fate. Here I am clutching my chest as I watch my best friends body be escorted off the plane, accompanied by a tough as nails marine that I could he was fighting back the tears. I cried harder than before. The marine said a few words to PJ's parents. Mrs. Suderman clutched my hand tightly and leaned on her husband for support. The Marine saluted us and signaled for several other marines to join him. It was just like a movie. It was raining and I cursed the rain. PJ deserved sunshine. It was odd for it to be this dreary and I was pissed as hell that PJ returned to American soil when it was raining.

Mrs. Suderman cried over PJ's plastic covered casket and Mr. Suderman kept a steel gaze on the distance, he did his best not to let his wife see him cry. I saw a single tear escape and the look he gave me told me I had best not say anything. I walked with his parents to the hearse that wasn't too far from us. The six Marines took the casket off the gurney and loaded it into the back of the hearse to be transported to the funeral home. The funeral was tomorrow and Mom agreed to go with me. After loading his body, the Marines turned to us and saluted us again.

Before they could close the door I stopped them. I lifted the plastic enough to put my hand on the warm flag underneath. I left it there for a minute, this was as close as I would ever be to him again. I let my head drop and tears leaked from my eyes.

"I'll never forget you Peej." I placed my other over the other on top of the plastic and laid my head on top of it.

I removed my hands and pulled the plastic back down over it the casket. I leaned down and placed a kiss on the wet plastic and turned away. The Marine bowed his head to me in condolence and shut the door when I moved. His parents had been watching me from their car. I nodded my head towards them and hurried to my car. I would see them tomorrow.

…

The funeral was haunting and beautiful. I cried and everything went by in a blur. I wouldn't have made it home if my mother weren't driving. I wanted out of these uncomfortable clothes and my bra was driving me insane. As soon as we got home, I went straight to my room and shut the door. I changed out of my dress and tights and into PJ's sweats and t-shirt. I heard my Mom and Phil talking but I couldn't care about what they were saying. I crawled into my bed and curled up into a ball.

School was going to suck tomorrow.

…

This was impossible. Well, it should be impossible. I sat on the side of the tub and put my head in my hands. I looked up and the object that held my horror. A stick with two little pink lines on it.

How am I ever going to explain this one?

AN: I'm back again. Sorry it's taking so long for updates. I should get some more free time to write now that I'm officially and English major. Don't hold me to it but I'll try to update more often.