Shippo sits down at the table with Nanami and Ijichi, and flashes them a smirk.
"It's too early," Nanami says, sipping his coffee. It's too early and yet Nanami is wearing an ironed suit that Jaken fetched for him. Ijichi tugs at his tie and then fusses with his hair as though it isn't slicked down enough.
"It's never too early," Shippo chimes. "Besides, I've been thinking and I gotta know something." He leans forward, his tail swishes behind him.
"Gojo, get your son," Nanami says.
Satoru sits next to Shippo and drums his fingers on the table. "He hasn't done anything?" he says, but it comes out like a question.
Shippo leans to the side, brushing against Satoru, and wipes a fake tear from his eye. "At least my papa believes in me."
Nanami scoffs. Ijichi fidgets.
"Just out with it then," Nanami mutters.
"Okay!" Shippo perks up. "What kind of hentai do you watch? You seem more like a plot-over-the-porn kind of guy. Or do you like it when they just get to the point and fuck all over the house, gym, forest, whatever you're into?" He waves a hand in the air.
"…What?"
"Man, there was this one I was watching where the plot was so good, I stopped mid-stroke." Shippo shakes his head. A shame he doesn't remember the title. It was a good one too. The story was just chef's kiss. There was an assassination attempt, some plot to throw over the neighboring country, and some overpowered protagonist that didn't know they were the chosen one.
Ah…he should really try to find that again.
"Gojo," Nanami says through clenched teeth. "Do something."
"Ah, Shippo, you should wait until lunchtime to ask those kinds of questions." Satoru scratches his head. "It's a bit early."
Shippo pouts. "Are you humans truly that sensitive to the time of day?"
"Humans don't like to talk about those kinds of things over breakfast, or lunch, or dinner," Ijichi explains, pushing his glasses up with his finger.
"Huh? I asked Mama, and she said she was more of a plot person."
"…What?" Satoru asks. "Kagome watches porn?"
Shippo shrugs. "Sounded more like she used to."
"This explains a lot," Satoru mutters under his breath.
Nanami stands and grabs his mug of coffee.
"Where are you going?"
"Away from you," Nanami mutters.
Ijichi fidgets and then stands suddenly. "I'm going to see if Ieiri-san needs assistance!" He runs out of the dining room, leaving only Shippo and Satoru.
Kagome walks in with Nanami in tow. Satoru stiffens next to Shippo, who clucks his tongue. Ever since Papa has gotten out of the prison realm, he's been real jumpy lately whenever someone gets too close to Mama.
Except for him, naturally. Shippo doesn't count. He gets up and moves a seat over so Kagome can sit between him and Satoru.
"Aw, did you bring me food, Jaken? How sweet," Shippo coos. Jaken scoffs and sets the plate of food down on the table. He mumbles something under his breath as he leaves. Shippo shrugs. It's not as though he asked the kappa demon to bring them something to eat.
He glances at Satoru from the corner of his eye. Man, Papa is watching Nanami like a damn wolf. The hell did Nanami do? Shippo picks up his chopsticks as he sticks his tongue out. The only thing he can think of is Nanami walking back into the room with Mama. But that can't really be it?
Nanami glances at Satoru and then looks down at his coffee.
Ookay, maybe that is it.
What they need is someone to break the tension.
"I was fooling around with this demon right, and it was getting pretty heated," Shippo says, as he picks up his eggs with his chopsticks.
"I didn't ask," Nanami deadpans.
"So yeah, it was getting pretty heated and I'm thinking, ya know I'mma bout to fuck, right?" Shippo eats his eggs and shakes his head. His tail swishes behind him in slow, languid strokes. "Because I mean, I'm a fox. A hot fox at that. And she was a freaking minx."
"I'm eating," Nanami interrupts. "Kagome-san, can you please do something about this?"
Kagome sighs as she holds out her chopsticks to Satoru, who doesn't even bother to look at what she is feeding him. "Shippo, what about Soten? You never talk about her."
"S-Soten?" Shippo splutters. "We're not talking about her. I'm trying to tell you my horror story." He lets out a small sob. "And no one ever cares about the trauma I have endured." How could she even ask him about Soten at a time like this?
"You cannot be serious," Nanami says.
"See! No one cares about me," Shippo wails. Kagome sucks in a breath and sets her chopsticks down. She rubs Shippo's back.
"What happened?"
Shippo sniffs one more time. "When I took her pants off, that's where the horror began."
"…Did she have a dick?" Satoru asks, sounding slightly concerned. Shippo chews on the inside of his cheek. Papa seems a little more relaxed now, that's good.
"Who the hell cares!" Nanami complains.
"Shippo cares," Satoru retorts.
"No, she didn't have a dick. It would have been better if she had." Shippo gulps down two breath fulls of air. "I took off her pants, laid her back on the bed. And when I slid her underwear off so I could get her off, because I'm not a selfish lover." He sniffs once. Twice. "Oh! She nearly bit my face off! It was horrible." Shippo reaches for his tea and takes a large drink of it. "There were teeth! In all my centuries of being alive, I have never seen someone with teeth down there. Oh, I was so traumatized, I couldn't have regular sex for two days!"
"Oh Shippo, that is awful," Kagome says, patting his back. "I guess her vagina really had a bite to it."
Satoru snorts.
Nanami slaps his face and groans. "This is my life now."
"It was so awful, Mama," Shippo says. "Don't worry, I am a gentleman, and I didn't want her to feel bad. So, I fucked her in the ass instead."
"I'm done." Nanami grabs his bowl and coffee and leaves the table. "Just kill me now."
"That was very sweet of you, Shippo," Kagome consoles. "I'm sure you made her feel less self-conscious."
"Thank you, Mama. At least someone understands me."
Nanami whirls around. "You cannot be serious! Traumatized? You weren't traumatized! You went on to have anal sex with her."
Shippo chortles. "He said anal sex. I bet you tell your one-night stands to please drop to their knees and perform fellatio on your phallus." Shippo crackles and slaps his hand on the table.
"Easy there, Nanami. Ya look like you're about to fall over," Satoru quips. "Maybe you should finish your coffee. Wake up a little."
Nanami splutters. He closes his eyes briefly and inhales. "All this time, I wondered just how you managed to get someone like Kagome-san—"
"The fuck does that mean?"
Shippo stops mid-laugh. The sound dies in his throat. Oh boy…. Satoru is giving off some major killing vibes right now.
"And now I see," Nanami continues. "You're tame. Bless the world when the twins are born." Nanami staggers back. "Twins. There's going to be two kids with your DNA and Shippo's influence."
Shippo leans over to the side. "I think Kento is so excited that he's stunned."
Nanami grips the bowl tighter and mutters to himself. "There's going to be twins and, knowing you two, there will be more kids."
"What Kento is trying to say is he is ecstatic," Shippo translates. "So excited that he just can't help himself. But more importantly, we need to talk about my room. I showed the plan to Mama, but I guess you want to sound off on it too?" Shippo reaches into his pocket and pulls out the room plan he drafted.
"…This is a house," Satoru says.
"It's my room. If you just wanna gon ahead and say yes, we can get some demons out working on it now."
"We're in the middle of a war and you're talking about housing plans?" Nanami exclaims.
Shippo's brows furrow together. "We gotta have somewhere to stay when Sukuna is dead." He waves a hand in the air. "What, just because Sukuna is out there doing fuck all, I can't have a nice room?"
"You need to downsize the room a tad," Kagome says. "Unless you want to end up sharing your room, which I don't think you want to."
Shippo scoffs. "Share a room? Ugh, no."
"Unbelievable," Nanami says, shaking his head. He walks out of the room, and this time, Shippo suspects Nanami won't be coming back.
Satoru scoots his chair back and pulls Kagome into his lap. He nuzzles the crook of her neck. "What kind of porn do you watch?"
Kagome blinks and turns her head to the side. "If I do watch it, usually boy love. Why?"
Satoru freezes. Shippo quirks a brow. That's an interesting response. Why does Papa look like he's seen some shit?
"…You like watching two men fuck?"
Kagome shifts and turns around. She leans back and looks at Satoru. Shippo frowns. Should he leave the room?
"I only want you," Satoru says.
"I didn't even say anything," Kagome huffs.
"You were thinking it."
"No, I was thinking about pegging."
Shippo chokes. "Don't mind me. It's not like I'm not at this table too."
"Oh," Satoru says. "That's fine."
"Really?"
"…. Guys?"
"I fuck your ass. You can fuck mine."
Shippo slaps a hand on the table. "Alrighty, I'mma head out." Shippo rolls his eyes as he grabs his empty plate of food and cup.
Hopefully, Mama isn't too distracted to put up a barrier. A shiver goes down his spine. Oh, looks like she wasn't too distracted after all.
A/N: Next side story will be either a multiverse or another shikigami meeting. Take care and thanks for reading!
