Bagdad, Iraq – December 2003
It's been three weeks since she saw Safeer's work in person. Three weeks of her dreams being haunted by the mother crying, holding her child who will never breathe again. Three weeks of tracing Safeer's location while she longs to see her children. To remind herself that they are indeed still alive. That they are alive and waiting for Santa to visit them. She longs to watch as Stevie opens her Barbie dream house that Henry had been so excited to find. She wants to see Allison leave cookies out and then be amazed that they were eaten. She wants to see Jason's face when he sees all the presents under the tree. Her last call home had been bittersweet. She laughed as Henry struggled to wrap the Santa gifts the way she usually does and cried at the fact that she would not be there. Her energy is matched throughout the base. A few of the younger Privates have dressed up a stack of boots as a makeshift Christmas tree. Elizabeth had been watching them with a smile on her face. She watched the kids playing soldier return to being kids, at least for an afternoon. And she wished she could do the same with every fiber of her being.
She's hopelessly scrubbing through security footage of Sabaa Al Bour, a town about 30 klicks outside Baghdad. She's trying not to fall asleep at her desk when she sees it. She sits up straight and rewinds the footage. She plays it again. And again. Her breathing gets quicker. She can feel her heart rate pick up. She can't believe what she is seeing. It can't be possible. She rewinds the footage. It's him. It's Safeer walking face uncovered into a house. He looks completely relaxed as if he isn't a wanted terrorist. As if he didn't bomb a school full of children twenty days ago.
"I finally found you, you son-of-a-bitch." She whispers to herself as righteous tears fill her eyes. It's like God is wishing her a Merry Christmas at this moment. Like he's saying, you might not be home, but here's why you came all this way. You found him. You did it. She doesn't know how to contain her excitement. Her joy. She finds herself running to the BK.
"Hirst! I got him. I know where he is!" Elizabeth exclaims, holding out a flash drive with the footage of Safeer's movements. Mike looks at her and takes the flash drive.
…..
The operation to get Safeer into custody takes little time to plan. It's a simple job. Cops back home do this kind of thing every day when they serve warrants. The only catch is that there are innocent civilians in the home. They know that Safeer has his mother, aunt, and young cousin staying with him. They need to be as gentle with Safeer as possible for the safety of the civilians. Elizabeth knows that Safeer might not go quietly, however. And she won't allow her men to endanger the innocents she knows are in the home.
The ride to Sabaa Al Bour is filled with silence. They will use the cover of darkness and the element of surprise at night. They want to get him as quickly and as quietly as possible. Their goal is to have no loss of life. They want to bring him in. They need to get him to tell them where he gets his materials. Once again, as they ride in pitch darkness, Elizabeth feels the sweet rush of adrenaline. She takes a deep breath preparing herself to execute her part of the plan. Operations like this are delicate ballets. Every person has to know their role and do it with precision. They will all come together to make something beautiful.
They approach Safeer's house on foot. He's in a relatively quiet area. Every step they take has the risk of alerting their target that they're there for him. They do not want to startle him into action. Elizabeth is in the lead position as she approaches the door. She slowly pulls out a pair of lock picks. It's a delicate and tedious process, but Elizabeth is a pro. They enter the home as silently as possible. Every person goes to their assigned posts. Elizabeth goes to the child's room. As the woman on the team and the mother, they elected her to keep the child calm. She takes a deep breath, bracing herself as she opens the door to the young boy's room. He is asleep, and Elizabeth thanks her lucky stars for that. She softly closes the door and approaches the boy.
"Hey, Kid. Wake up." Elizabeth calmly whispers in Arabic. The child doesn't stir until a flash bang comes from the next room. She knows Safeer is not coming quietly. They have to use force. She watches as the child sits up and looks at her. He seems confused and afraid. Elizabeth tries to comfort him as the sounds of gunshots ring out. The boy begins to cry, and Elizabeth quickly picks him up and enters the other room. The whole family is in the living area, and Elizabeth hands the child to his mother. "Stay here. Stay calm." She tells them both in Arabic. Elizabeth did not come here to terrorize Iraqis. She came here to help them.
Elizabeth is standing next to Mike as he cuffs Safeer. His wrists are bound behind his back, and Mike is holding a gun on him. She can tell that Safeer is furious. He's scowling at them. But she looks at Safeer's mother, who is crying, begging them not to take him. So she lies to her. She tries to comfort her, knowing Safeer will eventually be executed.
"We only want to talk to him." She says somewhat convincingly to her in Arabic.
…..
Eighteen hours. She's been interrogating Safeer for eighteen hours straight. She hasn't taken a single break. She's exhausted and hungry. Her emotions are starting to unravel. She's been trying to get pure evil to release his innermost thoughts. But she will not rest until he gives her the answers she's after. He was willing to murder seventy innocent children to push his agenda. She wants him to pay for that crime. She wants him to tell her why he did it. Those children's bodies keep flashing in her brain as her allotted interrogation time draws to an end.
Elizabeth leans back in her seat, rubbing her eyes. "This is your last chance. You have to tell me."
Safeer can hear the desperation in her voice, and he smiles slightly. What he doesn't know is that her distress isn't for herself. It's not for the dead innocents. It's for him. Because she refuses to let, him steal her humanity. And she knows soon she will be pulled off, and Mike will take her place. She knows he will not have anywhere near the amount of self-control she does. He will try to bring Safeer down brutally, and she cannot allow him to do that. Can she? If anyone would deserve it, it would be him.
"Damnit!" Elizabeth's fists slam the table. Her eighteen hours are up. They have to switch interrogators. That's the procedure. "You're going to wish you would've talked to me." She tells him. She knows what happens next, and maybe it should happen.
Mike's waiting for her to exit on her own terms. She knows he'll take the next shift.
"It's time to step it up." She knows he wants her to tell him she agrees. And part of her does. Part of her wants Safeer to feel pain. Part of her wants him to hurt. That part of her that answers Mike.
"Do it." She says as she leaves the room. Not even five seconds later, there's a punch and a scream. Elizabeth has to pause. She let her anger win. She thinks of the old line, careful those who fight monsters lest they ever become one.
She runs out of the building. Safeer's screams echo in her brain. She was furious. She was more angry and filled with rage than she had ever been. And now she's sick. She's disgusted with her own ability to cause pain. She is nauseated at her wanting pain to be inflicted on someone. She can't swallow the bile that rises in her throat this time. She vomits until her stomach is empty, and with a shaky hand, she grabs her satellite phone and calls DC.
"Merry Christmas, Mommy!" Allison's voice unexpectedly fills her ears, and she has to swallow the sob she was planning on letting out. She has to immediately shift from a wife who needs the comfort of her husband to a mother.
"Merry Christmas, Noodle. Are you excited for Santa to come tomorrow night?" She hears the excited shouts of her children, and she swears she can almost feel them in her arms. In a way, hearing how happy and free her children are makes her feel worse. She had looked Safeer's mother in the eye and lied. She is having that woman's son beaten as she listens to her daughter talk to her about her homemade Christmas ornament. She tries to keep her emotions under control as she hears the joy in Allison's voice.
"Noodle, I love you so much and want to hear all about it. But I need to talk to Daddy first. Can you take the phone to him, please?" Elizabeth holds her breath as she hears Allison yell for Henry.
"Hey, babe." He sounds so happy too. He probably is. Henry loves Christmas. She knows he is in his element. She knows he is seeing the children's wonder and excitement. She longs to see his smile. To have him hold her. But she can't. And she can't bring herself to admit to him that she's turned into a monster.
"Hey, Merry Christmas, baby." She tries to cover the sadness in her voice. But she isn't very successful. She listens as Henry walks away from their children, their Christmas carols getting quieter as he gets farther away.
"What's wrong, Elizabeth?" His voice is soft and raspy. She knows that he knows her too well.
"I love you, Henry." She whispers back, knowing she is about to ruin everything. Knowing he can't possibly still love her when she tells him she's a monster.
"I love you too, Elizabeth. Are you all right?"
"I... I can't talk about it... But I did something bad." Her voice wavers as she tries to hold herself together.
"Elizabeth, listen to me. I. Love. You." He annunciates every syllable, trying to drive his words into her head. Henry knows what the guilt that comes from wartime actions can do to someone. He knows what it's like to feel like a monster. "You did nothing wrong. You did what you needed to do to accomplish your mission." He tries to console her. He's right. She knows he's right. But she doesn't want him to be right.
"Tell me again."
"I love you. I love you. I love you." He whispers. She feels her heart breaking with each 'I love you.' But she needs this. She needs to know he still loves her. Because she is so disgusted with herself, she is so horrified at the monster she's becoming.
"I love you, too." She manages to say with a shaky voice. She knows she will have to face her actions in the morning. She knows she will have to live with her sins. But she won't let herself think about that now.
"Do you want to talk to the kids again?" He asks, and she can tell by how he asks that he is doing it on purpose. He is trying to bring her out of her thoughts and back to reality. She knows she will have to be okay with her actions in the morning.
"Yes." She spends the next twenty minutes on speaker phone with Team McCord. They laugh and play, and Henry does his best to distract her from what she has done. She doesn't need to be distracted. She needs to be strong because her deployment is far from over.
Langley, VA – December 2003
"Do you actually believe this, sir?" Juliet finally asks. She's been tasked with setting one of her closest friends up to die via IED. She's read the file over and over again. And on paper, it looks accurate. It seems like Bess is working for Al Queda. But there is something about it that isn't sitting right with her.
"She's been lying to everyone, Juliet. All this time. She's been using us. I was so proud of you and Agent Richardson. I thought you two would be able to take her out." Conrad was afraid of this. He knows that Juliet is close to Bess, just like he is. But he also knows that she will follow his orders.
"And we're not going to tell Henry the real reason she's dead?"
"She's our friend. She betrayed us and the country we both love. But... her children can be protected from that. Don't you agree?" Conrad hopes his lie is convincing. Juliet still looks unconvinced. But she's a good agent and will do what he asks. And right now, he needs that.
"We need to go ahead with this, Juliet."
"Yes, sir." Juliet gives him a nod and heads out of his office.
He knows that it's time. Bess has arrested Safeer Al-Jamil. It was the only thing he was waiting on. So he makes the call. It's an encrypted call to an encrypted voicemail box.
"Bess will be at the coordinates I sent you exactly six weeks from today at 1100. I can guarantee she will be alone and too injured to put up much of a fight. And then we will be square." He hangs up and pours himself a drink.
