Unknown Location, Iraq – February 2004
Elizabeth is petrified. She's sure that is the correct word for it. Elizabeth has been scared before. She was afraid the night her parents died. She was scared when Henry told her he loved her for the first time. She was frightened all three times she got to look at a positive pregnancy test. But this is not like anything she's ever felt. This isn't even the same fear she got when she was shot at three months prior. At least that came with a hot rush of adrenaline. But she doesn't have that now.
She feels cold now. She knows this is bad. She knows that if whoever took her wanted her dead. She'd be dead. But they didn't kill her. They kidnapped her. She knows what happens to abducted assets. And those thoughts terrify her. The physical pain of being tied to this chair doesn't help. She wishes her body would go numb. She wants her brain to quit sending the pain signals to the nerves of her right arm. She wants it to not be her dominant arm that took the brunt of the explosion. It leaves her much more defenseless. And God, she wishes someone would take the goddamn bag off her head.
Those wishes vanish when she hears heavy footsteps and a door opening. Her heart races so fast she thinks it might give out on her. She thinks she might die of cold terror. She takes deep breaths. She has to stay strong. She has to be calm. She's not going to go down without a fight. She's going to do whatever she needs to in order to get home.
"Hello, Elizabeth." The male voice startles her. He sounds calm, happy even. He has a very subtle south american accent. Elizabeth hadn't been expecting that. "I'm going to lay down some ground rules for you, Sunshine." She bristles at the nickname. She's never been a fan of them. Her mother always told her that her name meant a lot to her. So after she died, she never wanted anyone to shorten it again. She had lost that fight when she was bestowed Bess by Conrad Dalton and, thus, the entire CIA. But she keeps her firm line on pet names. Unless it's Henry, and even then, only if it's 'babe.'
"Don't call me that." Elizabeth's voice comes out shaky and quiet. She hoped she would sound stronger and more threatening but falls short.
"I'll call you whatever I want. You have no rights here. I'm not going to play nice with you. Do you understand?" Elizabeth is sure that if she could see him, she would see a smirk on his face. She pictures it big and monstrous. She hates it.
"Fuck you." This time Elizabeth does sound confident as her hatred for this man that she cannot even see surfaces.
"All in good time." The man pauses, making sure to emphasize his point with silence. And Elizabeth's stomach churns at the threat. "I want to make myself perfectly clear." He says the words slowly like he's talking to a child. "I own you now. And I will break you. I'm going to let you and my friend Sayyid get acquainted."
Elizabeth doesn't have time to think before her chair is tipped back and a bucket of water is poured over her head. She tries to hold her breath, but she has no choice. Her lungs give out, and she breathes in the water. It fills her mouth, and she starts coughing violently.
He was honest with her. He does not play nice.
…..
It feels like it goes on for hours. Maybe it did, she thinks. But now she lies on the hard floor. Her hands are still tied. She's shivering in soaked clothes. But at least the bag is gone, and her arm is finally numb. She gasps for breath as the cold, dry air hits her face. There has to be A/C in this room, she thinks. There's no way she could be this cold if there weren't. Or, maybe, she's in shock.
She lies there, afraid to open her eyes. She has no idea what's going to happen to her. She has no idea how to begin to fight. She wants to cry, but her body doesn't have the energy to let her. She does the one thing she knows Henry would like her to do. She prays.
"Please, God. Please help me make it home."
It doesn't take too long for her injured and exhausted body to give way to unconsciousness once again.
Langley, VA – February 2004
George Peters sits in his car. He can't bring himself to walk into work today. George has never had any family but Bess. She was special. She was his family. He had met her when she was seventeen and entered summer training at the farm. He quickly took a liking to her. She was friendly and smart. He knew she would be a good spy. And she was. Bess had this way of winning every person she met over. She was just so genuine. She was funny, she was kind, and she loved George. She saw him for who he was and accepted him for who he was. She is still the only person on earth besides his hookups who knows his true self. He had loved her enough to share that with her. Elizabeth was the first person he told who didn't judge him. George did not come from an accepting place or generation, but Bess never cared. She was his family. She was his little sister, Henry was his brother, and their kids were his nieces and nephew. But now he has nothing. Nothing but the hole that has just been carved in his heart.
The agent stares blankly ahead as he hears a knock on his car window. He doesn't have the strength to roll down his window or turn towards the knock, so he sits there as Isabelle Barnes waits, trying to be there for him. She lost her best friend too. That was the thing about Elizabeth. If you were her friend, she put her time and energy into maintaining that friendship. If she cared about you, you knew it.
"Did you read Hirst's report? He said she didn't have a face anymore." That is what George says when he opens his car door. "How could someone do that to her?" George's voice is quiet. It is soft, almost scared. This is the same man who took on multiple targets with nothing but his fists. Now he sounds small.
Isabelle shakes her head. "I wish I knew. Have you talked to Henry yet?" She asks. She wants to see if he has processed what happened.
George sighs. "Yeah, his mom is coming to stay with him and the kids. At least until they bury her, speaking of her body should be stateside in a flight tomorrow."
Isabelle nods. "We should go to Andrews. Just in case Henry needs us. He shouldn't be alone."
"Yeah, we should." The two friends stand in silence for a moment before walking into HQ together. Although, they are still determining if they'll get any work done today.
Andrews Air Force Base, MD – February 2004
Henry had thought about not bringing his children to this. But his parents had encouraged him to, and while that wasn't convincing, talking to Will was. Calling Will had been almost harder than telling their kids. Because their kids are small. The only one who understands what this means is Stevie. But Will is an adult. Hearing Elizabeth's baby brother, whom she adored, sob and say he was the last one standing broke Henry's heart again. Henry is sure that the pieces of his heart can't fracture any further. He is sure every part of it has split to its atomic level.
And then, as he holds Stevie, and Standing on either side of him are his parents holding the other two, the cargo door of the C-130 opens, and the American Flag draped metal coffin is carried out. And now his heart exists on the sub-atomic level.
Washington, DC – February 2004
Henry has chosen a secular service. Every time he thought about bringing religion into it, he couldn't. He doesn't know if it's because he's mad at God. Or if it's because Elizabeth was never one for religion. He didn't sleep the night before. That's not new to him at this point. He has barely slept since Elizabeth deployed.
"How're you doing?" His mom's voice startles him out of thought. He shakes his head, and his eyes get watery once again.
"I just want to talk to her—just one more time. She was my best friend." Anne smiles at her son. That is something she'll understand. She loves Patrick, yes. He has spent their lives together working to care for her and their children, and she knows he loves all of them in his way. But Patrick has never been her best friend. She had loved watching Henry find his soulmate. Henry had done what she always wanted for her kids. He had married someone he loved with his whole being.
"I'm so sorry, Henry. I hate that you're hurting." She says. Henry doesn't say anything. He doesn't have words. He smiles and nods. His mind is screaming at him, and it feels like a weight has settled on his shoulders, but he knows he has to stay strong for his kids.
"Do you know what's really messed up? I'm so mad at her, mom. And she didn't even do anything wrong. She didn't deserve this." He whispers. He's thankful his mom is the only one in the room with him now. He doesn't want his kids to see him like this. But when his mom wraps him in a hug, he cries. Again. Grateful he's doing it now instead of later at her funeral.
…..
Henry holds Jason in his lap as the girls sit next to him. He's never been so scared of anything in his entire life. Not even the time he thought he would die in Desert Storm. Not when Tommy fell through the ice. This is the most frightening thing he has ever done, burying the love of his life. He looks at the closed casket. The funeral director had been brutally honest with him. He said it was not a good idea for him to see her. He said that her body and her beautiful face had been too mangled. He had told Henry that he doesn't say no to letting the families see their loved one's very often but that Henry should consider not seeing her. So Henry didn't. He had taken the funeral director's word for it. He has chosen to remember her as she was, beautiful and radiant. Not broken and mangled.
Little Jason sits in his arms, holding his favorite toy, the TV remote until he reaches for Henry's cell phone.
"Call Mama?" Henry looks past his son and to the wooden box that contains the woman he wants to call.
"We can't call her buddy. Do you remember what we talked about?" Henry says, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall again.
"Mama is in Heaven," Jason says, looking at his father with confusion. He is not having this conversation right now. "Call Mama!"
"Jason, buddy. Heaven isn't a place where people can be called. We can't call her." Henry says again. He knows that if he tries to explain further, he will break down and won't make it through the rest of the day. And that's not what he wants.
"Call Mama!" Jason whines.
"I'll take him for a while," Anne says, taking her grandson out of Henry's arms, sensing her son's impending breakdown. She walks him to a corner of the room to keep him distracted. She doesn't think he understands what's happening, but she knows how overwhelmed he must be. Toddlers are great at sensing when their environments have negatively shifted.
"Daddy?" Stevie's little voice breaks past the silence his brain produced for him.
"Yeah, little one?" Henry says. He doesn't want to look at her. He doesn't want her to see him cry.
"Why did this happen?" Her little voice is so quiet, and it breaks Henry's composure. He has to wipe away a tear.
"I don't know." He wraps his arms around his oldest and places a kiss on her head. "But God has a plan, you know?" He tries to convince her that there's a purpose to all of this. Although he's sure, there isn't. But Stevie is only nine. She's far too young to know how cruel life can be. And he's far too sad to have to explain it to her.
…..
Henry and Will are the last ones standing at her gravesite. Will has been struggling ever since he got the call. His big sister had spent most of her life standing up and being strong for him. For a long time, he felt he always came up short of his parent's expectations. But Lizzie was always the first person to tell him they would've been proud. She always moved heaven and earth to be there for him. She cheered at his High School graduation. She moved him into college. She helped him fill out all thirty of his Med School applications. And finally, she celebrated with him on residency match day. Will knows he can be difficult. He knows that he could be a total pain in the ass. But his sister stepped up and played both mother and father for him when she was just as bereft and traumatized as he was. And then, when she found Henry, she gave her all to him too. When Elizabeth loved you, she loved hard. She did so much for him and her friends; now, she's gone. And he'll never have the chance to return it.
