Langley, VA – December 2004
Conrad re-reads the email for the fifteenth time. He has done nothing today but read the email. He wonders if Henry is onto something. Onto him. He wonders if somehow Bess has gotten a message out to someone. He paces in his office, his mind working in overdrive. And then, he reads the email one more time.
Conrad,
I know you're very busy, but I have questions about Elizabeth's death. I never received a concrete answer about what happened besides an explosion. I was told there would be an investigation, and never received the results. It is my right to know the truth, as her husband. I never even got to see her body. I need some answers. I need them so I can properly say goodbye. So that I can forgive her. For leaving us. I don't understand why she was alone. Why was she ever in a position to be murdered? Her work was highly classified, but I have a top-secret security clearance.
I would love to get together and chat.
Regards,
Henry
Conrad doesn't know how to respond. His fingers hover over the keyboard, but nothing comes to mind. The words won't form. He swallows hard. He has already decided he will not meet with Henry. He can't. He doesn't know how often he can look that man in the eye and lie to him. Henry needs to be distracted... or dead. No, not dead. He's done enough to Elizabeth. He won't orphan her children (he's decided that even he has a line… for now). So, distracted it will have to be. He picks up his phone and dials a number he knows will work.
"Agent Richardson, when you receive this message, call in immediately. I have a new assignment for you."
Unknown Location, Iraq – December 2004
She swears she's finally crazy. She can hear Christmas carols. She can hear them so fucking clearly. She's going crazy. That's it. It's over for her. It couldn't possibly be December. She knows now that the man (Samuel) is a Christian. But it's Christmas. At the least, it's the Christmas season. It can't be... She's been here for nine months? Nine fucking months? No, they can't be celebrating Christmas... can they? How is she still here? Is there anyone looking for her? Is Henry even looking for her? Has she just given up all hope of being saved? Is this her life now?
She is lying in her bed (an old bare mattress; no blanket), staring at the ceiling. She listens hard. She's not crazy. She hears them... White Christmas. Ironic. She doubts that will happen in the desert. They're playing Christmas music. Why are they playing Christmas music? Why does it have to be so loud? Are they trying to torture her? She knows the answer to that question. The answer is yes. She knows the man doesn't do anything without thinking about how it will affect her, about how awful it will be for her. He loves watching her suffer. And it's only gotten worse the more time goes by. It's not enough to hurt her physically... sexually. He wants to mess with her mind.
She hears the door unlock and open. She doesn't look over. She stares at the spot of peeling paint on the ceiling that she always does.
"No, hello, sunshine?" He chirps. "No smile for me? Not even a tiny one? And after, I brought you a gift, too."
Her heart stops. A gift? His "gifts" are always torturous. He has made her wear things, do things, say things... Bile rises in her throat. Not again.
"What? Nothing to say?" He says. He sounds offended. "It's a big day today, you know."
"What do you want?"
"What do I want?" He asks, sounding like a kid on Christmas. "A quid pro quo. I get the ring... and you... get the photo." Her eyes leave the ceiling to look at the photo he's referencing—her kids. It's not the complete photo. She had carried it with her through her whole deployment. She didn't think he had it. But her kids smiling faces stare back at her. But one face is missing. Noticeably crudely cut out. Henry's face. His beautiful face that she now doubts she'll ever see again. "Do you want the photo?"
"Yes." She whispers, small and quiet.
"Say, please." He commands.
"Please." She says through gritted teeth.
"Good girl." He says, setting the photo on the floor. "Now, I'll take the ring." He grabs her left wrist tightly. She flinches, trying to pull away. But he yanks her arm and puts a knee on her chest, trapping her. He pries the wedding band off her finger, making her feel even emptier. The choice fills her with guilt. But how was she supposed to say no to having her children close, even if it's only figurative? She feels so fucking selfish. And her hand feels naked without her wedding band.
"Thank you." He says, sitting back. "I'm sorry it had to be this way."
"Fuck you."
"Ah. I'll give you a break today from that. I know you're still in pain from last night. It is Christmas, after all."
He gets up and walks away. She lies in silence. She's crying now. She reaches for the photo, holding it tightly to her chest. Her fingers go to the missing section. Her left hand is cold and bare for the first time in twenty years. She has a feeling she'll never get the ring back.
She feels an overwhelming sense of hopelessness. She's been here for months. But as she stares at the beautiful faces of her children, a new sense of determination washes over her. She has to make it out of here for them.
Pittsburgh, PA – December 2004
Jessica has spent three weeks going over the dossier. She feels that she knows Henry McCord biblically at this point.
He is the oldest child of four. A stand-offish dad and doting mother. He went to college on an ROTC scholarship after a high ASVAB score. He met Elizabeth in the UVA library. His military career was stellar until he decided not to re-up after his six years of active duty. Elizabeth was pregnant within a few months of them moving full-time to DC. The FBI has photos of Henry from various intelligence-related work with other agencies. They lived seemingly happily until Elizabeth's untimely demise in Iraq (which she can never admit to helping plan).
And now her job is simple; make him fall in love with her.
She doesn't even mind that much. He seems to be intelligent and funny. And he's gorgeous, not like the men who have pursued her over the years, but handsome in a rugged way. She doesn't understand why he's not already dating. There's no way he'd have any trouble getting laid.
He is handsome, and Jessica has been looking forward to the assignment. The fact that the man has been so obviously hurt is only a plus. It makes her job more manageable. He'll be an easier mark. Lonely people always are.
She has a lovely little one-bedroom in Pittsburgh that Uncle Sam is paying for and a brand-new pair of tight jeans that will pair well with her fuck-me heels. Her first order of business is to run into him at the Giant Eagle. Single dads are easy to track. Kids make you fall into a routine. He grocery shops every Friday after office hours before the kids leave school. She knows it has to be this week, or she'll have to wait until after the kids' winter break.
She will run into him in the aisle containing the cereal. She has practiced her look of surprise. She has chosen a shirt that shows just the right amount of cleavage. She wears her in a strawberry blonde bob (close enough to Elizabeth's platinum blonde one but different enough) and has her makeup done with just the right amount of smudging and mascara. She has practiced her flirty laugh. She's ready. Henry won't be able to resist.
When she first sees him, her breath catches. He's even more handsome in person, and she's surprised by the rush of excitement that rushes through her. The way her cart smashes into his was not planned.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," she says, leaning over a little so her shirt dips, showing off her perfect breasts. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, no worries," he says. He gives a half smile though his eyes don't look at her. They don't roam the way she expected them to. Instead, he looks past her.
"It's hard to watch where I'm going," he says. He gestures toward his shopping cart, filled with the food and snacks a family of four needs.
"Lotta groceries." She tries to start a more extended conversation. She needs a reason to keep talking to him.
"Yeah, the kids will be on winter break next week." He's still not looking at her, and she's getting frustrated.
"Forgive me for being direct, but you are very handsome." She puts her hand on his bicep and squeezes. "Are you single? I'm Jessica, by the way."
She sees a look pass across his face. Greif. It's grief. He looks up at her. He smiles again.
"Henry and um, yes. Technically... um... Yes, I'm single." Henry stumbles over the words. This is the first time this is happening. A pretty woman is hitting on him. He wonders if Elizabeth would mind. Maybe she would feel betrayed by him telling this stranger he's single. He took his ring off about ten days ago. His mother had a long conversation with him, and he felt taking it off was appropriate. He had to move on at some point.
"I'm sorry for being forward. It's been a long time since I ran into a hot guy in a grocery store. And I thought you should know."
Jessica looks into his eyes and smiles her brightest smile.
"That's, uh, nice," he replies. "And I appreciate it, but..." He wants to turn her down, but his third head wins, "Maybe you can give me your number." He feels like an idiot. He has never once stumbled over his words when asking for a woman's number, but he's so out of practice now.
"I was hoping you'd ask."
He hands her his phone and lets her program her name and number. He watches as she types.
"Thanks. Um, I have to get back to shopping. But I'll call you." He gives her another half-smile and moves his cart around hers.
She watches him walk away.
Jessica walks to her car after finishing her shopping and checks in with the director.
"First meeting went well. He asked for my number."
"Good," the director says. "I need a progress report every 24 hours."
"Will do."
She's not worried about the job. She's good at getting what she wants, and it won't take long. Not when she had her IUD removed a week ago in preparation.
…X…X…X…
Henry paces in his bedroom, holding his phone in his hand. Jessica. He couldn't believe a woman approached him. He can't believe he let himself flirt with her. But it was lovely. He misses the flirting. The touching. He's a human, and humans need to touch every once in a while. But he keeps thinking about Elizabeth. Elizabeth had a list of women she did not want him to move on with. The stranger in the grocery store was not on it. Maybe it is weird that he wants his dead wife's approval of his possible date, but it is what it is.
"Fuck," he mutters under his breath.
He wants to call her. But he can't. He has no idea what to say. He decides to wait a day and then call her tomorrow.
…X…X…X…
Jessica picks up her phone on the second ring.
"Hello."
"Um, hi, it's Henry. From the grocery store." He doesn't know why he feels the need to clarify.
"Of course, I hoped I'd hear from you soon." She intentionally keeps her voice high and flirty.
"Yeah, so, um... I want to ask you out on a date." He stumbles over his words once again. He thinks about how he got so bad at flirting. It was Elizabeth. They fell in love and didn't have to try. He shakes his head. He needs to clear it of her. She can't be there when he's asking another woman on a date.
"That would be wonderful," Jessica says. She doesn't have to feign excitement. She's excited about this new mission.
"What's your schedule look like this weekend?"
"Friday and Saturday nights are both open."
"Saturday? We can grab a drink. I can pick you up at seven."
"Perfect. I'll text you my address."
"Great."
Henry hangs up and runs his fingers through his hair. He's going to do this.
Jessica calls the director.
"Phase one is complete. I have a date."
…X…X…X…
He's having a good time for three hours and two drinks into his date. Jessica has done her homework and figured out what will get him talking and laughing. She's leaning forward a little, allowing him a good view down her dress. And this time, he's looking—a lot. Even when he's in love with a dead woman, a man is a man.
"I have to say, I can't believe you agreed to go out with me," Henry says.
"Why is that?" Jessica asks. She bats her eyes.
"You're gorgeous. And I'm an ethics professor specializing in Augustine's just war principle.
That's not the coolest thing to discuss on a first date."
"It is when the date is with me," she replies.
He gives her a look and finishes his beer.
"I don't have the best luck with women," he says.
"My wife, she died last year. Not to bring the mood down, but she was the only woman that ever found me funny. Well, except my mother. She thinks I'm a riot."
"I'm sure she was wonderful, but you're funny. And I've been having a great time tonight."
"You have to say that I bought you two drinks."
"What was her name, your wife?" Jessica asks. She knows, but it's better to get him to tell her. It will give her a clearer picture of where he is in his grieving process. She needs that information to accomplish her mission.
"Elizabeth."
"How did you meet?"
"College. The library, we were nerds together." He laughs. "I miss her."
"I'm sure you do."
"Anyway, enough of the sad stuff. How about another round?"
"I'd love one," Jessica replies.
When Henry returns, the two chat for a few more hours. He tells her about his kids and the loss of his wife. She plays the perfect sympathetic date. When they part, she gives him a chaste kiss hoping he'll deepen it. He does. She can taste the beer on his lips. She smiles. She'll have him. She can feel it.
"Take me home? Walk me to my door?"
"Absolutely."
He walks her to her apartment door, and she opens it and turns around.
"I'd invite you in, but I have a strict no-sex rule on the first date," she says. She knows this will keep him wanting her and leaving him hanging. It will also earn her respect from a man like him. A semi-practicing catholic religious studies Ph.D.
"Of course," Henry says.
She kisses him again.
"Call me," she whispers.
He watches her close the door.
"Fuck," he says.
His phone rings, and he sees that it's his mother. The date ran long, and he's an hour late to pick up his kids. He feels so conflicted. He had a good time, but guilt buzzes in the background. He knows what Elizabeth would want for the future, Mrs. McCord. She would want her to be fun. She would want her to love kids and treat their kids well. She would want her to have a career and a sense of humor. He's unsure, but maybe Jessica could be all those things. He will take her out again, he decides.
