Darth Vader's hyperbaric chamber
The Death Star
In Hyperspace
En Route to Tatooine
Four Days Later
"But I want to kill him," Darth Vader whined.
Yes, he was using a whiny tone, which was only possible when he was using his natural voice as opposed to the deep, booming, scary voice which his vocoder provided.
"You are whining," Leia Organa Skywalker Solo remarked. The young woman was seated crosslegged with her eyes closed and a breathing apparatus over his mouth, the better to keep from experiencing hyperoxygenation while she worked on her Alter Father's messed up lungs.
"Do you really think..?" Vader began piteously and Leia interrupted, "Yes, she can. Luke's wife is amazing, her Alter is amazing – they will kill Palpatine, don't worry about it!"
Vader opened his mouth and then shut it. He thought it supremely unlikely that any human (or alien, for that matter) whose bloodline did not include that of Anakin Skywalker could actually kill the Emperor, but his Alter kids seemed confident.
"I still think we should have tried to blow up Imperial Center," he said truculently.
Leia, who had her hand on her Alter Father's boot, looked up with a disapproving frown. "No, you shouldn't. Firstly, because we know that the planet is currently surrounded by at least two dozen Star Destroyers and while the Death Star is big and powerful, it can't take hits forever. Also, there are billions of people on Imperial Center and you can't just blow up billions of people."
"To kill the Emperor, it would be worth it."
Leia merely cast her eyes heavenward and said, "Check your oxygenation, please."
He did so and discovered that once again, his blood oxygen levels were at 100%. Since he had been burned so badly at Mustafar, he had never seen blood oxygen levels about 90%, but in the four healing sessions with his Alter twins, he had repeatedly seen his levels rise. He also felt better, like he wasn't sucking in mud all the time.
"You are amazing healers," he said quietly and genuinely.
"We have a lot of experience," Leia said, and rose to stare directly into his cloudy eyes. "Moreover, when the two of us are working together, we are more than twice as effective."
"Why are you doing this?" he suddenly demanded, more harshly than he intended. A moment later, he realized that given the pathetic tenor of his voice, he sounded more feeble than harsh. Which was annoying.
"Helping you, you mean?"
"Yes. I thought… my daughter in this timeline hates me."
"Oh I hate you too," the woman replied absently, even as she lifted a hand to touch Vader's right temple. The Sith froze in shock and yes, fear. It had been so long since anyone had touched him save droids and the occasional human medic, and he was badly burned. The woman's fingers were gentle, though, and he felt his right eyeball warm slightly.
"I mean, I hate this current manifestation of you," Leia Organa Solo continued. "But the thing is, I'm in my 30's so it has been fifteen years since the Death Star and Bespin…"
"Bespin?"
"Oh right, hasn't happened in this timeline, and won't happen. Anyway, it has been a long time since I've been tortured under your watch and in the meantime, I have met Anakin Skywalker many times and I rather like him."
"He was weak," Vader protested weakly.
"Yes, I know," Leia replied with a roll of her eyes heavenward. Speaking of eyes, was he possibly seeing better? "I've heard it all before. Even if he was weak, which he wasn't, he managed to win Padme and our mother was amazing."
Vader shrank at these words; even with the knowledge that Padme had died when Palpatine had drained her life force to sustain his own, he felt terribly guilty.
"Feeling guilty isn't helpful," the woman said, gesturing for Vader's helmet, which lowered onto his head. A moment later, the normal rhythmic breathing began but his lungs still felt really good compared to normal. And yes, he could see better! Which was stupid! How could his children be so strong using the weak Light Side?
The egg shaped hyperbaric chamber opened at this moment and Leia, in spite of spending a full hour in a rather cramped position, leaped out with ease. Ah, the limbs of youth. Ah, the unburned limbs of youth.
"Father!" Luke said, rising from a table by the door. "I have been working on alternative legs and arms – the ones you have completely stink. Too heavy and old! How is your right eye?"
"Good?" Vader said, still shocked that yes, one eye was seeing quite nicely now.
A moment later, he noted that the Death Star had come out of hyperspace. His Alter children had insisted on entering in the coordinates on their destination so he didn't know where they were.
But he had a very bad feeling.
He marched over to the window and stared outside, which quickly turned into a glare. Why in all the places in the galaxy was he back to this blasted planet?
"Why are we orbiting Tatooine?" he demanded.
/
The Emperor's private quarters
Imperial Palace
Imperial City
Imperial Center
Sheev Palpatine checked that the door was locked, then did a quick scan of his surroundings with the Force. He had a vague feeling of danger and dread, but that was nothing new. He had, in fact, been uneasy for the past five days, ever since the cataclysmic shift in the Force which signaled that Vader had, for reasons unknown, turned against him, and had the Death Star under his cyborg control.
It was scary and even terrifying but it was also bizarre and bewildering. Vader was a faithful soul and as of last week, Palpatine had had no premonition at all that the man/machine was planning to turn against him. The last time they had chatted via holo, the younger Sith had been his usual servile, meek, loyal self and then suddenly, out of nowhere, the worm turned?
What had happened?
Palpatine was, he knew, safe on Imperial Center. There were countless Star Destroyers circling the planet, plus he had ordered the broadcasting of a special code which would prevent the Death Star from firing; Palpatine wasn't stupid, and it had, of course, occurred to him that someone might take over the Death Star, so he had built in a code that would block the laser from firing.
He had expected Tarkin to rebel, possibly, or even Motti, but no, Vader had turned against him. Vader!
It was the way of the Sith for the junior to overthrow the senior Sith, but still, it was weird and disturbing to have no warning at all!
Anyway. He was safe for now, and he would overcome, as he always did.
Palpatine cast a longing glance at his bed and considered ignoring his nightly ablutions, but that was a bad idea, and he knew it. Ever since he had fought Mace Windu, his body had been rather upset with life. His face and body were wrinkled, and his teeth were yellow and messed up. Of course, he could have them replaced but thanks to a very bad experience with a human dentist when he was a child, he didn't like people, or droids, messing with his teeth.
He wandered into his elaborate refresher, with its gigantic shower, and Alderaanian marble toilet, and expansive counter, and shucked off his robe, revealing his simple bodysuit underneath. He did look bad, he admitted to himself. He hadn't looked great in 19 years, but the stress of Vader's rebellion made him look even worse than usual. Yet another reason to punish the former Anakin Skywalker diligently when he got his hands on the cyborg.
He carefully washed his face with a sponge made from a Nabooian sea creature, and then ordered irritably, "Toothbrush and toothpaste."
A droid arm plucked both from a drawer, applied the toothpaste, and carefully handed it over. He went to work brushing his teeth, paying special attention to the left upper molars, which were not in the best of shape. Again, he could have a droid brush his teeth for him, but he didn't like anyone or anything messing with his mouth!
He was too tired for a shower, so wandered back out of the refresher, and climbed into bed, using the Force to pull up the upper sheet, made entirely from valuable shimmersilk. The sheet was actually a little on the slippery side, but he didn't care about that; it was necessary that he, as the most important man in the entire galaxy, have very expensive sheets!
He rolled over on his side, adjusted his multitude of pillows to support his aching body, used for the Force to open a secret compartment, and called his coco claw plushie to him. Yes, it was absurd that he had a plushie, and he wasn't about to let anyone know about it, but Coco had been his friend since he was a child.
He drifted off to sleep.
And never woke up.
/
Death Star
In orbit around Tatooine
"I hate Tatooine!" Vader said huffily. "Why are we here?"
Luke wandered over to the window to stand by his Alter sire and said cheerfully, "So a couple of months ago, my wife and Leia and her husband and I were hanging out in our hot tub and we got to talking about how if we ever had control of the Death Star again, it would fun to use the beam to blast the ice caps of the two moons of Tatooine which have ice caps."
"Why?" Vader demanded.
"Well, if we aim properly," Leia continued, "we can direct the ice crystals toward Tatooine and if our calculations are correct, they will enter the atmosphere, melt, and increase the humidity of the planet. That would be good, right? If Tatooine had more water?"
"I think it would be good if the planet was blown up," Vader said truculently. "I hate this planet!"
"Yes, it sucks," his Alter Son agreed, "but if there was more water, it would suck less."
Vader actually groaned, producing a peculiar blat of his vocoder. "Even if that can be done, which I am not sure is possible, the Hutts will merely have higher water taxes..."
"Maybe," Leia said judiciously, "but given that Jabba is dead…"
"He's dead?"
"Oh yeah, we didn't tell you that?" Luke asked brightly. "Leia killed him before we went to Alderaan."
Vader stared at the girl in wonder. "You killed Jabba the Hutt?"
"Yep, again! In our original timeline, I choked him to death with a chain. This time, I split him in two with my lightsaber. I'm guessing everything is discombobulated down on the planet with Jabba dead, but Luke is right, any additional water has to help."
He stared first at the woman, then at the man, and in spite of himself, the possibilities sparked interest. It would help if Tatooine was less deserty. Also, it probably could be done…
/
Three Hours later
"Awesome!" Luke commented as the threesome watched the entire icecap of Chenini break free of the moon and begin its journey toward Tatooine, the ice crystals spreading as they went.
Vader, watching, had to admit it was kind of awesome. He remembered being thirsty so often while a boy, and no doubt Luke did as well – only the very rich always had water on the desert planet.
A moment later, there was a massive cataclysm in the Force and Vader jerked and would have fallen over if his Alter Twins hadn't caught him.
"What was that?" he gasped.
"Oh, the Emperor is dead," Luke said sunnily.
/
Rebel Base
Yavin
"The Emperor is dead?" young Luke Skywalker demanded with wide eyes, turning to look at Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was sitting on a chair looking totally shell shocked in a happy way.
"Yep," Mara Jade Skywalker said cheerfully.
"How?" Leia Organa demanded.
"We poisoned his toothpaste," her younger counterpart said, her green eyes narrowed.
The twins exchanged shocked glances and Leia said, "What?!"
"Poisoned his toothpaste," the older Mara said. "As Emperor's Hands, we have lots of codes which allow us to sneak around the Imperial Palace and we managed to pry open a particular panel and get access to his toothpaste."
"Given that he murdered my family and made me his slave, he deserved it," younger Mara said fiercely.
"He definitely did," her older self said, walking over and giving her a hug. "He definitely did."
Author Note: I was inspired by a Georgette Heyer mystery novel for this death, where a malefactor poisons someone's toothpaste with nicotine!
