Asuka & Shinji's Infinite Playlist

Chapter 6: I Saved it All For You

"You... had a twin brother?"

Shinji was near-speechless, his mind only able to conjure the one obvious question. The odds were incredibly low already, but with both of their late siblings having passed from the same cancerous disease on the same day, it was as if a bomb had gone off on the front porch of a small restaurant in Otsuki, Japan: anything was now possible.

"Yes..." Asuka sniffled, black tears beginning to crystallize on her cheeks.

The two stood in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time, both shivering uncontrollably. Every time either teen opened their mouth to speak, words never followed, leaving them to gasp like fish, drowning in what must have been over a million thoughts and comments. There was so much to discuss, the latest revelation seemingly turning their lives on its head, but nowhere to begin the conversation. How do you continue a conversation where every new piece of information learned only loosened their grasp on reality?

"Guys, it is absolutely freezing out here! Come back in!"

It was Hikari who broke the silence, joining them outside the restaurant after what felt like an hour, but was likely only a few minutes. She noticed the unusually heavy air between the two, the dark tears that had frozen to Asuka's face, and the empty, hollow expression on Shinji's face, "Is- is everything okay out here?"

Asuka tried to wipe her eyes with her hands, but the icy buildup stung, so she opted to put on a quick smile, "Yeah. It's-" she gulped, "it's a long story. I had a brother that died of cancer, too... So, hearing about Rei just hit a little close to home."

Hikari stepped closer to the girl and put her hand on her upper arm in a show of support, "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

The redhead shook her head, "How could you? I didn't tell anyone. We weren't exactly close."

"You weren't close with your own brother?"

"Not the last few years. Like I said, 'it's a long story'; I'll tell you some other time, promise. I need to go wash up and get myself presentable again."

As Asuka walked back into KoHiNo, Shinji remained outside for a few moments, allowing the frozen air to swirl around and ground him. His mind had been racing ever since he was shown the mysterious photo, and somehow the inescapable silence after only worsened the effect.

He stared up at the clear night sky, watching the stars. The sky looks unchanged. Then he looked back down at the quiet town, blanketed in a sheet of pure white. The world hasn't changed, either.

Shinji furrowed his brow in thought, But why does everything feel-

"Shinji, I'm worried about you," Hikari sighed. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Her words quickly dissolved his thoughts, dispersing them into the universe, and the surviving Ikari twin remembered he wasn't alone. Turning to Hikari, Shinji forced a smile, "I'm fine: just worried about Asuka."

Hikari shook her head slowly, "Maybe I'm reading too much into things, but you two always seem to be… I don't know, distracted."

"'Distracted'?"

She shrugged, "I don't know if that's what I mean. Just, you're disappearing together often, and always look like you're thinking about something else. It's weird."

"I'm sorry, Hikari. With Rei and everything that happened at Myojo, and now Asuka, everything's just been an emotional blur," Shinji tried to explain, unsure of how much he should divulge. "And now we've learned that she's also lost a sibling, so I guess there's a lot for us to be distracted about."

Hikari approached quickly and hugged her best friend tight, "I can't imagine... Still, I worry about you, okay?"

"Hey, Hikari. I have a weird question."

"Shoot."

"Did we see each other before you left for Tokyo?" he asked, still embraced.

"Uhh, yeah! I came by for lunch. You packed me something for the train ride," Hikari responded, starting to shiver from the cold. "Why?"

Shinji wrapped his arms tight around his best friend, giving a self-assuring squeeze, as his eyes stayed unfocused on the distance, "I don't remember that."

"Well, you did. You seemed a little down that morning, though, but I just assumed it was because you were going to be... you know, alone for a couple days. I was worried about it, too."

"Thanks, Hikari. You really are the best," he sighed. But his eyes watched the horizon, hoping to see something, but never finding it. Why don't I remember that...?

"Now, let's get back inside, you're going to catch a cold."

Breaking the hug, Shinji agreed and followed her inside, eventually joined by a refreshed Asuka back at the table. The three sat down and offered a shallow explanation for their guest's sudden disappearance, before continuing their meal.

Understanding how tender the situation was, the rest of the meal consisted of a brief explanation of Japanese new year customs and traditions to a very interested Asuka. The German girl listened intently, as learning more about her and her mother's heritage was a key factor in her Myojo Academy application.

After dinner, Asuka leaned in and whispered to Shinji as the table was being cleared, "So, tomorrow sounds like it's going to be busy."

"Sorry," Shinji absent-mindedly apologized before a sharp elbow to the ribs and a glare from his fiery girlfriend forced him to reconsider. "Ow! Uh, I mean, yeah. And that means I doubt we're going to find time to talk."

"No big deal. If I can't find time to talk, I'll make time."

"I'm confused."

Asuka smiled and winked at her confused beau, "Of course you are, einzeller. You just leave the thinking to me."


"Shinji, are you awake?" a soft voice whispered.

"No, it's too early, Rei," the sleeping boy refused, rolling over and pulling a pillow over his head.

"We're gonna miss Toshigami-sama."

"You're 12, Rei. Don't you think you've outgrown the whole 'New Year's God' thing?" Shinji yawned as he rolled over.

"Does anyone outgrow good fortune and health?"

The twin yawned again and allowed his eyes to fall shut, "Ask me again next year..."


Early the next morning, Shinji gently pulled his apartment door shut, hoping to prevent it from waking anyone. Turning towards the stairwell, he nearly jumped out of his skin when he spotted both Asuka and Hikari standing before him.

"AH!"

"Well that was a girly scream," Asuka commented with a smile.

"What are you two doing awake so early?!" Shinji forcefully whispered.

"Same thing you are, dummkopf. Hikari told me about this 'first sunrise' tradition, and I wanted to tag along."

The boy's best friend simply smiled and turned down the hallway, "Come on, Shinji, or you're gonna miss the second 'first sunrise' of the year, and then we'll look really bad."

The trio emerged on the roof of the apartment building and stood near the edge, watching the twilight of the eastern sky. Hikari pulled three mugs out of her backpack and poured hot tea from a thermos, offering the steaming beverage to the others.

Asuka bathed in the sunrise in silence as Shinji and Hikari offered gentle prayers to the New Year's God, apologizing for the single day lapse due to their predicament in Tokyo.

"You know," Shinji spoke softly, still watching the breaking daylight crawl over the sleeping mountain town, "I was never really that big into these old Japanese traditions: it was always Rei that would drag us all out. Something about preserving our heritage."

The boy chuckled and rubbed the back of his head, "Rei was always so fascinated by the past. I think Myojo was the first thing she cared about in the future."

"You guys did this every year?" asked Asuka, sipping on her warm tea.

"We missed hatsuhinode once..." Shinji answered. "And considering the year that followed, I promised I wouldn't ever again."

Asuka opened her mouth as if to ask for more, but instead settled on taking Shinji's hand and watching the sun continue to rise. After a few minutes of quiet contemplation, the group headed back inside, explaining the day's remaining plans.

"First we'll start with a big breakfast, then we're off to the Mishima Shrine. After that, I think we'll get lunch and then go shopping; there are some nice shops in town. After that, we'll have osechi-ryōri back here at home."

"Sounds good to me."

"It'll be fun, Asuka. The whole day is about starting anew: asking for health and prosperity in the coming year," Hikari explained. "And the shops have the best deals today."


"Ikari? Holy s- hey, Ryu, check it out, Ikari's back from Tokyo!"

Shinji looked up from his manga and saw two of his classmates, arms crossed and stern looks on their faces, "Oh, hey Ryuga, hey Sora."

The women had brought Shinji out shopping, another tradition he was quite familiar with and prepared for: he'd packed a couple manga and the SDAT to occupy him while the more interested shoppers buzzed around the half dozen clothing stores in Otsuki. Asuka had pulled Shinji into a sportswear shop, separate from the rest of the group, for a few minutes, but that had quickly turned into a half hour while the energetic redhead buzzed about, asking about things and trying on different clothes.

"Don't you 'Hey Ryuga' me, Ikari," the taller boy frowned. "The last time we see you, you were boarding a train to Tokyo. And then nothing for over a week? Not a single word from you?"

Realizing his two friends had been completely out of the loop regarding the Myojo snow-in, Shinji was overcome with guilt, "I'm sorry, guys. We just got back to town yesterday. The blizzard really did a number on Tokyo, and we were trapped in the academy dorms until Friday."

"What?" "No way!" Sora and Ryuga simultaneously expressed their disbelief.

"You could've called us, at least. We were worried, man!" the shorter boy, Sora, continued.

"You know Shinji doesn't have a cell phone," Ryuga said flatly.

"Wait, you were on the phone when we saw you at the station," Sora turned back to the accused.

Shinji shook his head, "That was Mr. Grant's. I have to give it back to him."

"Who's Mr. Grant?" asked Asuka as she came around a clothing rack sporting a bright blue ski jacket. While she waited for Shinji's answer, the girl watched herself in the mirror and spun around, admiring the garment.

"He's my cello teacher."

"I didn't know you played," Asuka commented, swapping the blue coat for a light red one.

"I'm not very good at it," replied Shinji, his attention shifting to his friends' gaping mouths. "Hey, are you guys okay?"

Ryuga was the first to respond, still staring at Asuka, "She- she's like an angel..."

"She's so beautiful," Sora agreed, still watching her as she tried on a white coat. "And she talked to Ikari..."

"Which is your favorite, Shinji?" Asuka asked, now wearing a purple version.

"My- my favorite? I like them all," he answered, unconvincingly.

Annoyed, Asuka lightly smacked him on top of his head with the sleeve of a jacket she wasn't wearing, "That doesn't help, you dope: I can't decide between the white or the blue."

Shinji watched his girlfriend model the final two options, starting with the blue, "That one looks nice. I like it, it matches your eyes. Let me see the white."

"I'll have to ask for a bigger size. You Japanese have a different interpretation of 'small'. This one makes me feel as if I'm being swallowed alive," Asuka commented, struggling to zip up the tight white coat.

Inexplicably, a wave of nausea and anxiety overtook the boy, forcing him to double over and cover his mouth. A sweet, coppery scent briefly filled the air, vanishing as quickly as it had arrived. After the feeling passed, Shinji looked up and saw that neither Asuka, nor Ryuga and Sora caught the reaction. His eyes darted around, searching for the origin of the scent, but, like a fleeting dream, it was gone, leaving only one strange, foreign thought behind:

Blood.

Ignoring the thought, Shinji shakily answered, "I- I like the blue on you..."

Asuka turned back to the boy, noticing his oddly pale expression, and quickly dropped the coat to dash over, kneeling next to him, "Hey, Shinji, are you okay?"

"Yeah, sorry," the boy apologized. "I just felt like I was gonna throw up. I'm better now."

"You better be better, you had me worried. I've got big plans for tomorrow!"

"Shinji, what's the meaning of this?" Sora finally asked, having stood in awe this entire time.

"What's the meaning of what?"

"This! You! And her! And you and her?! How?!"

Asuka giggled and stood up tall, reaching out for a handshake: "You must be asking about me. I'm Asuka. I'm Shinji's girlfriend."

"'G- g- g- g- girlfriend'?!" the confused boys repeated in chorus.

Shinji smiled from his seated position, "Yeah, we met at Myojo Academy. We'll both be going there. So, now you know everything."

Asuka blushed and looked away as he spoke.

"We knew you were gonna get in," said Ryuga. "That part was obvious. But getting a girlfriend? I've gotta be dreaming."

"Yeah, I didn't even think it was possible. Well, good for you, man. You deserve happiness," Sora remarked. "Especially after-"

"Shut up, Sora!" Ryuga interrupted, smacking his shorter friend on the head.

"Oh, sorry!"

Shinji shook his head, "I'm fine, guys, don't worry about it. We'll catch up some time later this week."

Both boys agreed and said their goodbyes, before leaving the shop.

"They seemed nice," Asuka commented.

"They are nice. I think Ryu had a crush on Rei, so they were around a lot, especially last year."

"Makes sense. Changing subjects, have you ever been skiing?"

Shinji looked up in surprise, unsure if he misheard the girl, "What?"

"I want to take you skiing," Asuka repeated, putting the coats she decided against back on their hangers. "It'd be nice to go do something together, and I think we could find time to talk."

"You know how to ski?" he asked.

"Yeah," Asuka chuckled and rolled her eyes, "You know that old stereotype about wealthy people skiing?"

Shinji nodded.

"It's actually true. I've been skiing for most of my life. Plus," she blushed, "it'd be our first actual, you know, date."

"A 'date'?" he repeated, eyes growing wide.

"Yeah, dummy. A date."

The boy returned the blush, and looked away, though he was unable to hide his uncontrollable grin, "Ok, it, uh, it's a date. But where are we gonna go?"

"I found a place called 'Fujiten Snow Resort'. It's less than an hour away; I've already got it planned out," Asuka waved her phone confidently.

"But how are we gonna get there?"

"What did I tell you about thinking, dumme Nuss? Leave that to me."


"I hate skiing."

"Kaworu," Asuka sighed, putting the last of her clothes in her suitcase. "Why do you hate skiing?"

"It's cold. And there are too many people," the young boy shrugged. "Why can't I just stay home?"

"Because I'm getting good at it, and I want to show you. So, do it for me?"

"Do I have to?"

"Pleeeeease!" the redheaded twin put on her biggest smile.

Kaworu exhaled, and turned to exit his sister's room, "You're relentless."

"Absolutely, I am."

"Fine. But only because it's you..."


"Wow, Asuka, that was a lot of fun!" Shinji remarked, sitting down at a quiet booth in the ski lodge. "I've never done anything like that before."

The young couple had spent most of the afternoon together on the gentle slopes of Japan's most iconic mountain. Dozens of slips and falls later, they eventually retired to the warmth of the ski lodge, choosing a somewhat isolated table in the far corner. Shinji could barely hide his massive smile the entire time: skiing was always something his friends would talk about doing, but he'd never gone for one reason or another, and now he found himself under the tutelage of his brilliant, beautiful, foreign girlfriend.

The redhead returned the smile, pulling her beanie off and running her fingers through her hair, "You weren't horrible, Shinji. You make a pretty good student."

"You're a pretty good teacher," he complimented, watching her untangle her fiery locks.

As she finished grooming herself, Asuka put a serious face on and pulled her hot cup of coffee close to her, "Well, Shinji, this is as good a time as any: if we want to get to the bottom of this, it's time we talked."

Shinji felt his body shudder, his fists clenching uncontrollably at the no longer suppressed thought of reliving everything, "'Talked'?"

"There can't be any secrets between us. It's the only way," Asuka pulled the SDAT player out of her purse and set it on the table, "to figure any of this out."

Shinji's eyes were drawn to the mysterious object. One month ago, it was just a normal cassette player; now it was the subject of some deep, dark mystery. He nodded in agreement, "No secrets?"

"Nein."

"Ok," he exhaled, asking a question despite already knowing the answer, "Who's going first...?"

Icy blue eyes pierced his own, the serious gaze silently deciding for him.

"Okay, okay. But, you still have to tell me everything, too."

"Naturally."

Shinji momentarily closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and started as far back as he could: "My mother is Yui Ikari, you've met her. She's a family doctor, one of the few in the Yamanashi Prefecture. She met my father, Gendo, in med school, before he dropped out. He went on to be a researcher at the University of Yamanashi, pioneering some new field of science.

"I was born June 6, 2001, and Rei was born 10 minutes later. We've been in Otsuki our entire lives, as far as I can remember..."

"As far as you can remember?" Asuka questioned suspiciously.

Shinji rubbed his temple, "I, uh... it's gonna sound weird."

The girl reached across the table and took his free hand, her thumb gliding over his fingers comfortingly, "It's okay."

"I, " Shinji sighed, "I can't really remember much. Some small glimpses here and there, but they all have to do with my family. I can't remember anything specific until..."

"Until last Sunday?"

"'Until last Sunday'," Shinji repeated, looking up into his girlfriend's eyes. "Yeah..."

"It's the same for me. The only specific memories I have have to do with Kaworu, or my father, or my mother, or Camille," she put extra venom on the last name.

"Who's that?"

"We'll get to that. Continue, please."

"Ok, ok. Well, when was it? Probably November or December. Rei collapsed during a viola lesson. We were both at Mr. Grant's house when she just collapsed, scaring the both of us. We called my mother and she met us in the emergency room," Shinji sighed before continuing. "The doctors said there was something weird in her brain, something they couldn't handle, so Mother and Rei went to Tokyo to see a specialist.

"When they came home a few days later, everything changed. My parents started arguing, a lot. I was scared: I'd never been without her, and she was saying she was going to be gone soon. I thought she meant, like, hospital visits or stuff… I never thought she was preparing me for her death."


"You won't even give me a chance!" Gendo yelled, pounding his fist on the table.

"I am not letting the crackpots in your bullshit science department look at Rei!" Yui countered, aggressively washing the dishes.

"'Bullshit science department'? The artificial evolution lab- The, the advances we've made-"

"Gendo! She needs a real oncologist, she needs real medicine..."

"Yui, I can save her!"

A plate slammed onto the counter, "No one can save her! I've read the studies..."

"Yui..."

"Shinji, please leave them be," Rei's soft voice beckoned the young boy from the doorframe, out of sight of the argument in the kitchen.

"Rei..."

"Come. Play something for me."


"Last April, her doctor told her she'd have about six months to live, but she was permanently hospitalized a month later. I'd come see her every day after school, and we'd just talk, or listen to music, or she'd help me with my homework; she was always the smarter one."

Asuka saw that Shinji's eyes were wet as he picked the SDAT player off of the table, turning it over in his hands, "My mother gave this to me a long time ago, but when Rei was in the hospital, I gave it to her for our birthday. She didn't want it, but I told her I wanted her to have it, to listen to when I wasn't around. My mother wouldn't let me skip school to stay with her.

"Mother and I had spent all weekend making a perfect tape for her, something to bring her comfort. So, it was the perfect gift. It had lots of music from our childhood, and stuff she liked: Beethoven, Sinatra, some modern Japanese stuff."


"Shinji, I can't accept this."

"Please," he begged. "I don't want you to be lonely. Mom and I, we- we put a lot of songs on there that you'd like. Something for you, something for each of us."

Rei slowly pushed the opened package back towards her brother, "You love this more than you love the cello. I can't."

Eyes wide, Shinji stood up tall and mustered as much courage as he could, "If you don't, I won't go to the Myojo exam."

"You promised me you'd go when we signed you up!"

"No, Rei, I promised we'd go together!"

The youngest Ikari twin looked back down at the gift box in her hands as a solitary tear fell from her eye, "That was never going to happen..."

"Rei..."

Gently unwrapping the earphone cables, Rei Ikari looked at her closest relation and smiled faintly, more tears spilling over her pale cheeks, "Show me how to use it, please."


"A few weeks before she died, Rei had a seizure and dropped it, which is why the tape is jammed in it. That's how I know something is weird about the new music: it can't be removed. I tried, but prying it open risks pulling the entire thing apart. I grew used to the tape after that."

Shinji continued to fidget with the player, turning it over and brushing the faded "Ikari" engraved on the backplate with his thumb, "Anyway, after Rei died, my father just disappeared for a few days. Mother and I were left to plan the funeral ourselves, which never would've happened if it weren't for the Horaki's help. The day of the funeral, Father showed up drunk and belligerent, shouting at everyone. And then he left. No one's seen or heard from him since."

Asuka stifled a half-hearted chuckle, mumbling, "At least I'm not the only one with a father complex..."

"What?" Shinji asked.

"Nothing, nothing," she dismissed with a wave, but Shinji pressed on.

"No, that's about it for me, so tell me what you said."

"It was a joke, I didn't mean it."

Shinji gave the girl a look, and was about to let the subject change, but she confessed anyway:

"I said 'At least I'm not the only one with a father complex'. My father… he's a real piece of work, too." Asuka shivered uncomfortably in her seat before continuing. "I'll start from the beginning:

"Kaworu and I were born on December 4, 2001. Something happened during it, and we were both delivered via c-section, so technically neither of us were the 'older' sibling.

"Kaworu was... how do I put it?" Asuka looked away, "Different. He was quiet and mostly kept to himself. Very curious, but avoided social interactions and everything. It seemed like I was the only person he was ever really interested in, so I took it on myself to protect him. I was always there to protect him."


"Asuka?"

"Yes, Kaworu?" the young girl replied, looking up from her book.

"Why do I always feel so lonely...?"

Asuka set her book down and walked over to comfort her brother, "I'm right here. And Mama and Papa are downstairs. How could you possibly feel lonely?"

The albino boy continued to stare out the window, "I feel like I'm doing all of this for one person, who I haven't even met yet..."

"You're too young to be thinking about your soul mate, don't you think?" Asuka giggled, settling down next to the boy, resting her head on his shoulder. "Besides, I have to approve of this soul mate, and you know how hard that'll be."

Kaworu chuckled, "I'm not too worried about that."


Shinji reached across the table, setting the SDAT player aside, and took the girl's hand. Initially, Asuka flinched at the contact, but smiled through gentle tears as she held Shinji's hand, continuing her story.

"Our mother, Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, was a brilliant scientist. She specialized in behavior and development, so Mama, she, she always took special time for Kaworu. She was patient with him and caring, and it made me so happy to see them be happy together.

"My father, David Langley, he-" a scowl formed on her pretty face and she squeezed her eyes shut, "Before the accident, he tried to bond with Kaworu, but he wasn't interested. And after Mama's accident, it was like my father resented him. Like he blamed him for it."

As the German girl bared her soul, a faint noise could be heard emitting from the tiny earphone speakers wrapped around the SDAT. Shinji was the first to notice, quietly grabbing the player and bringing the wound package close to his ear, unnoticed by Asuka who spoke with her eyes closed, tears still rolling down her face.

"Kaworu didn't mean it, he was so young. How could you blame him?"

A brief silence fell between the two, and Shinji realized the sound on the player had stopped. It was already incredibly faint, but once Asuka stopped speaking, he was sure nothing more was playing.

Not wanting to ignore neither the SDAT or his girlfriend's feelings, Shinji asked, "What happened?"

"We were- we were walking home from the zoo," Asuka spoke softly, her voice becoming breathy and cold, "and Kaworu dropped something. A stuffed monkey, I think. We were 11. And, Kaworu ran into the street to grab it. And Mama, she- she leapt into the street to stop him."

The tears began to stream down Asuka's cheeks at an increased rate, her eyes still shut tight, her body clenched, as if she were bracing herself for impact, "A car had swerved to miss Kaworu, but struck Mama. I remember standing there on the sidewalk, watching my Mama almost die."

"She didn't die?" questioned Shinji, listening as the faint noise from the tiny earphone continued.

Finally, Asuka's eyes opened. The whites had turned red, the usual radiant blues were cold and hollow, "Worse: severe brain damage. She completely forgot everyone but me. Kaworu, my father, her friends and family. I was the only one she would talk to. It's like everything is completely normal between us, but with anyone else she was a broken mess."

"I don't know what to say..."

"I'm sorry, Shinji, can I take a break?"

"Of course, Asuka." Once again, as Asuka shut down, so, too, did the music on the player. As if it were being drawn out by something. Or someone.


"Danke," Asuka thanked Shinji as she sat back down at the table, putting her phone away. "I tried calling home again, but no answer."

"It's okay, I haven't had a chance to ask my mother about the trials or that banquet, either."

"I'm not too worried, we've got time."

"So, what happened to your mother?" Shinji started the conversation up again.

Asuka took a deep breath and braced herself as she continued the story: "Somehow, everyone was completely removed from her mind. It was hard to understand, especially at 11: everyone was talking to me, asking me to relay messages to her, to ask her how she was doing. It wore me out really fast, and so after almost a year of it, I started to avoid her. At one point, I didn't see her for a few months. I didn't go back until...

"Kaworu. Kaworu took it hard. He was already so withdrawn, so when even our Mama wouldn't speak to him, he shut down. We were so close until the accident, but after that he avoided me, too," Asuka sniffled again, wiping tears away with her free hand. "I felt like everyone lost my mama, but I lost my brother in the accident. And I couldn't protect him, not from himself after that..."


"She warned me not to," Kaworu muttered, staring out the large window.

Asuka looked up from her curled position, her knees drawn to her chest, "What?"

But her twin brother ignored her, still watching something on the horizon, "This pain: I brought this on myself. Why didn't I listen?"

"Kaworu..." the redheaded girl crawled towards her brother. "Don't say things like that. You didn't mean to hurt Mama..."

As Asuka reached out to touch his hand, the boy flinched and shot her a cold look, "You wouldn't understand."

"I wouldn't understand?! She's my Mama, too!"

Suddenly Kaworu stood up, exiting the family room. Without making eye contact, he dryly spoke, "This is beyond you."

Enraged, Asuka spat back, "'Beyond' me?! Fuck you!"

"One day you'll understand. I'm sorry, Asuka..."


"One day, out of the blue, Kaworu just announced that something was wrong. He wasn't feeling right and we needed to see a doctor. He was always so matter-of-fact, so I knew it was serious. Within a week he was diagnosed with MPNST, and I had to be the one to break the news to Mama."

Asuka's sobs were louder, and she released Shinji's hand to grab a napkin and blow her nose into it, "It was the first time I'd seen her in months. I'll never forget what she said:

"'Good. That boy doesn't belong here.'"

With those words, Asuka was again quiet. The only noise being the regular ambiance of a busy ski lodge. Plates being collected, hot drinks poured and sipped, the occasional laughter of a good story told to a group. Even the warm fires flickering in the stone fireplaces could be heard over the sheer nothingness coming from Shinji Ikari.

What was there to say? How could he comfort her any more than by holding her hand? Shinji wanted nothing more than to take Asuka's pain, to sweep her off of her feet and rescue from the fire-breathing dragon of her past, but he knew he wasn't living in a fairytale. There was no changing it; all there was to do was to move forward.

After a few minutes, Asuka reached back out and took Shinji's still open hand on the table: "I never told Kaworu what she said. But he never came to see her, not until the day before he died. He asked me to wait outside the room, and that was it. I don't know what they talked about, but ever since then, Mama broke completely. She didn't even recognize me after that."

"As-"

"I still visit her," she continued, ignoring his interruption. "I feel like it's my duty. I'm the only one that does. She's completely catatonic: laying on her back, emptily staring at the ceiling.

"And my father..." Asuka's grip on Shinji's hand tightened, nails beginning to dig into his palm, "das Schwein... He never forgave Kaworu, it seemed. He buried himself in work, starting the Langley Foundation. He put everything he could into head trauma research, and he actually made several key advancements in the field.

"But he could never fix Mama. And every time he looked at Kaworu, you could see the sadness and anger in his eyes."

Asuka paused again, turning to look outside the window at the snowy mountain, "When Kaworu got sick, Father... he started networking. That's when he and Kaworu went to the MPNST banquet. It was put on by some French cancer research institute, I can't remember the name. He worked with them for a couple months, and I thought it was for Kaworu. But it wasn't: it was for Camille."

"Camille?" Shinji was trying to keep up with the deluge of information.

"My step-mother," the girl replied with a growl. "She was a junior researcher at the institute, and was assigned to Kaworu's case. I found it odd that Father would go 'to help', almost weekly, without Kaworu. But when he brought her home, I understood. I understood everything.

"And that's just about it..."

The couple sat in silence, occasionally sipping on their now cold mugs of coffee. They'd bared their souls to each other, told their stories. All that was left was figure out where to move forward, and how the SDAT player tied into it all.

After a few moments, Asuka excused herself to the restroom to wash up, leaving Shinji to inspect the mysterious object on the table. He partially unwound the earphones and put them in, hoping to hear something new, but the player refused to play. Frustrated, Shinji shook the device: it had never failed him before. Now it wouldn't even play the new songs.

Shinji removed the earphone when the waiter arrived with their meals, Asuka following shortly after. Dinner was quiet. Their wounds were too fresh, torn open in front of each other, to be discussed any more. Instead they simply enjoyed each other's company, something neither teen was aware of how much they needed.

Asuka called a cab to take them back to Otsuki after dinner. As the two stood in the foyer of the ski lodge, hand in hand, she nervously spoke up, "Shinji, there's one more thing I wanted to tell you."

"Oh? Go ahead."

Sensing her fear, Shinji gave the girl a few moments as she collected herself, "It's about My-"

But a ringing phone interrupted her.

"Hang on, it's home," Asuka paused the conversation, reading the screen and accepting the call. "Hallo? Hallo. Guten tag..."

Shinji watched as Asuka took her conversation around the corner. He considered listening in for a moment, but decided to give her some privacy. Almost ten minutes had passed before Asuka returned, finishing her call with a bright, "Auf Wiedersehen!"

"Was that your father?" Shinji asked.

The German girl's cheery disposition faded, and she hung her head slightly, "No. It was Camille. She said my father's flying back from some conference in America, but he'd call me tomorrow."

"It's no big deal, Asuka. We've got time."

"Yeah, I guess..."

Sitting in the backseat of the cab, the two held hands, occasionally squeezing tightly, as if to remind them that this was in fact happening. Both of them again attempted to start up a conversation, but few topics seemed pressing enough to interrupt their moment together, until Shinji began.

"You don't seem to get along with your step-mother."

Asuka exhaled dramatically, "It's not that we don't get along. She's nice enough, I guess. She's only 10 years older than me, though, and my father's 49. So, you can see how that rubs me the wrong way. Plus, he never really divorced Mama: she couldn't sign off on it. So, he went through some legal proceeding to get it done, so he could marry Camille three months later."

"Did you tell her anything about Myojo? Or Japan? Or," Shinji gulped, "me?"

The redhead visibly cringed at the question, clearly avoiding something, "... no... I couldn't..."

"Why not?"

"It's not like I hate her or anything. I just... don't feel comfortable..." Immediately Asuka's eyes opened wide, "Why do I have to tell you any of this?! Stupid!"

Aghast, Shinji refused to release his girlfriend's hand as she pulled away from, "Asuka, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to press."

Eventually the girl gave up trying to separate, but she continued to stare out the cab window, "She's pregnant."

"What?"

"When Pa- my father married Camille, I felt like he was betraying Mama; replacing her. And now she's pregnant, and I feel like I'm being replaced."

"I'm sorry. That sounds terrible," Shinji consoled her.

"It's okay. I'm glad I got that out," Asuka wore a small smile when she looked back at her boyfriend. "I've been bottling everything up for so long. I'm glad you're here... to listen to my feelings."

Immediately, the SDAT player began rewinding itself in Shinji's lap until it loudly clicked.

"What?" they both asked, peering down at the mysterious object.

"Did you do that?" Asuka asked.

Shinji raised their joined hands, "I've been holding your hand the entire time. And I've got the leftovers in this one," he said as he waved the styrofoam container.

Asuka released Shinji's hand and picked up the music player out of his lap, staring at it curiously. "Do you think...?"

"Maybe," the boy shrugged.

Carefully unrolling the earphones, Asuka handled the package like it was a bomb, set to go off at any moment. She handed Shinji the other earphone, and they both inserted them at the same time.

The nervous redhead inhaled deeply and pressed PLAY:

I thought of angels
Choking on their halos
Get them drunk on rose water
See how dirty I can get them
Pulling out their fragile teeth
And clip their tiny wings

Anything you say can and will be held against you
So only say my name: it will be held against you
Anything you say can and will be held against you
So only say my name

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain
Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
(I know I'm bad news)
For just one yesterday
(I saved it all for you)
I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
Still, I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
(I know I'm bad news)
For just one yesterday
(I saved it all for you)
For just one yesterday

Letting people down is my thing, baby
Find yourself a new gig
This town ain't big enough for two of us
I don't have the right name
Or the right looks
But I have twice the heart

Anything you say can and will be held against you
So only say my name: it will be held against you
Anything you say can and will be held against you
So only say my name

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain
Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
(I know I'm bad news)
For just one yesterday
(I saved it all for you)
I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
Still, I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
(I know I'm bad news)
For just one yesterday
(I saved it all for you)
For just one yesterday

If I spilled my guts
The world would never look at you the same way
And I'm here to give you all of my love
So I can watch your face as I take it all away

If heaven's grief brings hell's rain
Then I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
(I know I'm bad news)
For just one yesterday
(I saved it all for you)
I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way
Still I'd trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday
I know I'm bad news
For just one yesterday
I saved it all for you
For just one yesterday


Song: "Just One Yesterday" by Fall Out Boy (feat. Foxes)