Light shone through a gap in the thick curtains, bathing Olivia's face in warmth. The light danced across her closed eyes and she winced, turning her head instinctively away from the window as she slowly started to open her eyes.
The room was dark, save for the early morning light which was creeping in through the curtains. Liv eased herself up into a sitting position and turned to the side, noting that she was alone in the bed. She drew the covers up as she sat up against the pillows, memories of the night before flooding her. She remembered Rafael's body on top of hers, her legs wrapped around his hips and her fingernails digging into his shoulders, as she moaned with pleasure and begged him not to stop. She could still feel the palm of his hand resting gently upon her cheek, as he breathlessly asked her if she was alright, his voice reaching her as she ascended into ecstasy. Liv gripped the bedsheets tightly in one hand and let out a slow breath, before forcing herself out of her reverie and back into the present.
The doors which led to the living area had been closed, and she could hear Rafael's voice on the other side. She quickly realised he was on the phone, which prompted her to recall her own. She turned to the side and turned on the bedside lamp, and was surprised to see handbag had been placed on the floor next to the bed. As she reached into it and removed her phone, she noticed that the velour chair positioned before the window was adorned with her clothing from the night before. Each item of clothing had been neatly folded and laid over the back of the chair, with her ankle boots positioned neatly at the bottom. She smiled softly at the considerate gesture before glancing down at her phone.
Liv's phone revealed it was just after seven o'clock in the morning. She read texts from Lucy and Noah, which she responded to, before perusing her work emails and listening to two voicemail messages from the squadroom. Nothing urgent had arisen, but she was due in the squadroom at nine, and was due to testify in Court after lunch. Getting to the precinct through the traffic would be challenging at this time, and ideally she would've liked to have got changed first.
Aware of the time, Liv put her phone in her bag and was about to get out of bed, when there was a familiar knock at the bedroom door, which she turned towards instinctively.
"Liv?" Rafael called gently. "Liv, are you awake?"
Warmth and excitement pooled deep within her belly at the sound of Rafael's voice, and she tried to suppress her thoughts and focus.
"Yeah, I am. Come in, Rafa" she responded, ensuring she was suitably covered by the bedsheets as Rafael opened the door with caution. Rafael, who was fully dressed, opened the door wider and stepped into the room when he realised Liv was still in bed.
"Good morning" he said warmly, offering her a smile.
"Good morning" Liv returned, watching how he remained by the door. There was no awkwardness or embarrassment, but there was uncertainty in his gaze. Liv's expression softened. "Thank you for bringing in my clothes" she added. Rafael nodded.
"Technically they were already in the room, just... not all in the same place" he replied, visibly relaxing. "It took me a while to find your second sock, especially in the dark" he added. Liv smiled.
"You should've woken me" Liv said gently. Rafael shook his head.
"I wouldn't have dreamed of it" he replied instantly, his gaze meeting hers.
Liv was struck by how comfortable she was with Rafael, even as she sat before him, naked beneath his bedsheets. She was surprised by how natural this felt, and how normal. Liv was drawn from her reverie by the sound of Rafael's voice.
"Are you... alright?" Rafael asked cautiously. Liv stared at him for a moment as she realised what he was asking.
"I am" she assured him. "If you are asking me if I regret what happened last night, the answer is no" she added softly. Rafael stared at her for a moment before slowly nodding. She smiled to alleviate some of his evident concern. She swallowed hard and lowered her gaze from his. "I didn't come here last night intending to-"
"I know" Rafael assured her, offering her a smile as he leaned against the door frame. "It wasn't something I was expecting either" he added. Liv adjusted the pillows behind her and settled against the bedframe. "Would you like some coffee?"
"That would be great, thank you" she sighed with a grateful smile. "I need to get to the squadroom for nine" she added, thinking out loud. Rafael nodded.
"The bathroom is just to your right" he informed her, nodding towards a closed door. Liv turned towards it and nodded in acknowledgement. "Would you like breakfast?"
"No, thank you" she said regretfully. "I'd love to but I won't have time" she added apologetically. Rafael nodded in understanding.
"I'll get you that coffee" he replied, turning to walk back into the living room. He returned moments later and handed her a cup of coffee, which had been prepared perfectly. She thanked him and took a cautious sip.
"How much longer are you in New York?" Liv asked, as Rafael was about to head out of the bedroom to afford her some privacy. "We need to talk about this, Rafa" she said gently. Rafael held her gaze and nodded.
"You're right. We do" he responded, concern present in his voice. Every conversation they had had about their relationship had turned into an argument, and he didn't want that to happen again. "I'm have to be in Boston later today" he responded, regret present in his tone and expression. "The Innocence Project is setting up a new office, and I'm overseeing it" he added. Liv smiled.
"That's wonderful" Liv smiled, swallowing her disappointment. Rafael eased himself on the edge of the bed beside her and she felt her breathing deepen.
"I'll be away for three months, possibly longer" he added apologetically. Liv couldn't hide the disappointment from her expression. She forced a smile and nodded.
"I understand" she assured him. "Do you have time for lunch before you leave?" she asked, thinking she could meet him at Court after she was due to testify. Rafael lowered his head.
"I was actually due there this morning at nine" he replied softly, the corner of his mouth turning up into a smile. "But due to circumstances beyond my control I missed my red eye last night" he smiled. Liv lowered her gaze and suppressed a laugh.
"Beyond your control?" she queried, her eyes teasing. Rafael shrugged.
"Largely, yes" he said lightly. Liv laughed in response, placing her cup of coffee on the bedside table.
"For what it's worth, Rafa" she started cautiously, "I am glad our night ended as it did" she said softly. "I didn't want it to end the way it did at Forlini's. Not again" Rafael nodded in acknowledgement and reached for her hand, holding it gently in his own. Liv felt her breath catch in her throat.
Rafael swallowed thickly and tried to force aside the thoughts which conflicted with his feelings. Last night was the most incredible night he had ever experienced, and he adored Liv with every fibre of his being. He loved her. But he knew that, in reality, their union had been borne out of the anger and hurt they had both inflicted upon each other, however unintentionally. He considered it was like funeral sex – a union which took place due to heightened emotions and primal need, as opposed to love. For her, at least. Despite how greatly the realisation hurt him, he knew she loved Stabler, not him. And although he felt profound sadness and grief over this, he would never allow her to know it. Instead, he would cherish the night they spent together for the rest of his life. Though a worrying thought at the forefront of his mind was chastising him for allowing himself to lose himself as he did, in a way which almost certainly made their fragile relationship even more complicated.
"I know we have a lot to talk about, and we will" he assured her, holding her gaze as he spoke. "But I do not regret what happened between us last night" he added. Liv smiled softly and squeezed his hand. His expression faltered slightly, and his confidence wavered, as he looked down from her gaze. "I'm not naïve, Liv" he assured her. "I know this does not change... your position on what we have talked about" he assured her, "or your feelings towards me". Liv stared at him with confusion, unsure of how to respond. "I think my time in Boston will be good for us both" he said softly, unable to keep the sadness from his voice. Liv squeezed his hand and tilted her head towards him.
"I want to fix this, Rafa" she assured him. Rafael smiled and nodded.
"So do I, Liv" he replied sincerely, stroking her hand as he spoke, "and we will" he assured her. She watched as he slowly stood up, squeezing her hand gently before releasing it. He leaned down towards her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. She closed her eyes and sighed contently.
"I'll give you some privacy to get ready" he said politely. "I can drop you at the squadroom on the way to the airport" he added. "Take your time." Liv smiled softly and nodded, watching as he turned on the spot and walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Liv was surprised by the overwhelming sensation of sadness she felt, and confusion over what had happened. He said he did not regret what had happened between them, and she believed him, but it was clear he doubted the feelings she had for him, and assumed she had romantic feelings for Elliot. In that moment Liv realised that Rafael's concerns over her feelings for Elliot would always hang over them. And by sleeping with him she had confused and hurt him, and nothing she could do or say would comfort to him. Whilst she had not come to his hotel to sleep with him, she had come to make amends, and fix things between them. But it dawned upon her that she had actually made matters worse than they had been before.
Liv swallowed thickly, blinked back the tears which threatened to fall, and cast the bedsheets aside as she headed into the bathroom.
On the other side of the door Rafael Barba walked slowly towards the large glass windows which overlooked Manhattan, placing his hands in his trouser pockets and staring out across the skyline, before closing his eyes sadly and lowering his head.
