A little known fact about Bruce was that he did indeed feed upon chaos. And it had nothing to do with the hulk, sure, he in human form had a very quiet, sweet disposition. But he couldn't help but enjoy the utter chaos taking place around him.
Obviously, he did not enjoy it when one of his friends or anyone, for that matter, got hurt. But for the most part, the chaos happening around him was… well, mostly harmless.
He honestly wished he had popcorn, or some kind of beverage to sip dramatically in the background. Oh well, it's not like he'd be able to actually act dramatic in front of the other Avengers. Bruce was starting to worry that he had anxiety along with anger issues.
He was content to sit back, watch the future and listen to the bickering taking place around him.
He was also content to bet with himself on how long it would take the others to realize Natasha and Clint were obviously together- normally, Bruce was fairly socially inept, so the fact that he knew that and the others hadn't figured it out yet… well, it didn't say good things about his friends' intelligence.
[at the Triskelion where the Helicarriers are being held]
Man on PA: We are in final launch sequence.
SHIELD Tech: We are go on guidance.
Woman on PA: All personnel to launch station.
[Pierce meets the World Security Council as they arrive at the Triskelion]
Alexander Pierce: And how was your flight?
James Barnes, who was apparently alive and currently being a off-brand Manchurian Candidate, spoke up, "I wish the plane crashed."
All things considered, Bucky was being reasonable.
"I'm sure that once we're back home, you can shoot down as many planes as you want." Tony supplied unhelpfully, earning a snort of laughter from the other man.
"Tony," Steve sounded offended, "don't encourage this."
"I think shooting down planes is a marvelous idea," Loki perked up, sitting up straighter, and earning a sigh from Thor.
"See, this alien god-thing understands," Bucky said with a smile.
"Alien god-thing?" Loki basically pouted, "I am the god of mischief, son of Odin."
"Yeah, an alien god-thing." Clint added to the chaos while Tony rolled his eyes.
"What's it with you asgardians introducing yourselves and saying hello like that?" The billionaire scoffed, "when you and reindeer games say hi to each other, do you say it like, 'hi, it's me, Thor, son of your mother'?"
Loki choked on thin air, and Bruce once again wished he had popcorn- or maybe a camera to film this stupidity.
"I'm adopted," Loki growled, while Thor laughed heartily, patting his brother on the shoulder. Bruce was still fairly horrified that Loki was a child- he'd slammed the boy into the ground, like, twenty times? He would be sleeping on the couch for quite a while after this.
Councilman Hawley: Lovely. The ride from the airport less so.
Alexander Pierce: Sadly, SHIELD can't control everything.
"Thank God," Bucky huffed, looking very offended, which was once again, very understandable, "if they did control everything I would throw myself off a train… again."
"Bucky," Steve said, sounding aghast and slightly deranged, "no."
Bucky reminded Bruce of that one depressed but hilarious character in pretty much every book- well, every fictional book. Sometimes it really did feel like their whole lives were just a story someone was writing.
Maybe he was just a fictional character, and his life was ultimately reasonless.
… nah. That wasn't logical.
Councilman Rockwell: Including Captain America. [Pierce walks over to one of the guards who hands him a case containing four pins]
Steve seemed to somewhat inflate at the, looking proud of the chaos he was causing among the Hydra peoples. Which was also very understandable.
Alexander Pierce: This facility is biometrically controlled, and these will give you unrestricted access. [the council members each take a pin to wear]
[at the Project Insight headquarters]
Com Tech #1: I've been parking there for two months.
Com Tech #2: But it's his spot.
Com Tech #1: So where's he been?
Com Tech #2: I think Afghanistan.
Bruce decided he'd rather not know what they were talking about.
Com Tech #1: [into his earpiece] Negative, DT-6. The pattern is full. [to his colleague] Well, he could have said something. [suddenly they hear a sharp noise through their earpiece] Ow!
Com Tech #2: Must be the dish.
"Why would a plate make that noise?" Bucky asked, interrupting the future once again.
Wait, what?
"It's a technology thing," Steve attempted to explain, even though he was the worst one besides Thor or Loki to explain this.
"What's a 'technology'?" Bucky asked, looking very confused. Steve looked over at Tony.
"No, I don't feel like wasting my brain cells on this," he said firmly, before looking up at the ceiling, "Kidnappers, can you help us out here?"
After a few minutes, Morgan appeared back in the room, looking fairly nervous. "I'm… uh, here," he shoved a phone in Bucky's face. Which, in this scenario, was probably the best thing to do.
"Huh," Bucky said after a moment, then turned his attention to the teenager, "why do you smell like gasoline?"
"Oh, we were trying to put out the Sink Fire." Morgan said, like there wasn't anything wrong with that sentence. Bruce closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and pretended he hadn't heard what the boy had said.
After Morgan disappeared out of the room, Bucky shot Steve another confused look, "sinks use fire these days?" He asked innocently.
"No, I- don't think so?" Steve sounded fairly confused, and Natasha scoffed.
"Suffer," was all Tony said, apparently having decided to let Bucky and Steve think through this logically. You couldn't really use fire to wash plates, after all.
"We should wash the dishes with gasoline," Loki said, and Bruce was surprised he even knew how to wash dishes. It didn't seem like something the ill tempered god would do.
"Brother," Thor sighed, "no."
Com Tech #1: I'll check it out.
Man on PA: Triskelion command request we clear the area for launch.
[as the Tech goes and opens the door he's faced with Steve, Sam and Hill on the other side of the door, Sam and Hill point their guns at him]
"Finally, some more action," Tony said, eating popcorn- hoe had he gotten popcorn? Bruce wanted popcorn. The kidnappers were using favoritism against them. Why would Tony be their favorite? So rude.
Steve Rogers: Excuse us. [the tech holds his hands up and steps aside to let them enter]
Bucky and Steve exchanged a high five, and Bruce had to hold back a snicker- those World War Two documentaries really didn't explain Steve and Bucky's dynamic right.
Alexander Pierce: [addressing the World Security Council members] I know the road hasn't exactly been smooth, and some of you would have gladly kicked me out of the car along the way. Finally we're here, and the world should be grateful.
"I wish I could kick him out of a car." Bucky pouted, and Steve patted his shoulder.
"I know, Bucky, I know," Steve said empathetically, looking like he too, wanted to kick Pierce out of a car.
"Don't worry, fellow Assassin," Natasha said unhelpfully, "I'll probably end up shooting him or something."
Bucky was silent for a moment before nodding in approval.
[as they start drinking to Pierce's toast suddenly they hear Steve over the SHIELD microphone that everyone in the building can hear]
Here's the Discord: /E8dUJC8F
