After easily shooting three Hilichurls, the IMPs entered the ancient ruins where Kaeya mythical treasure was located.

« Oh this is too easy! Sexy sword treasure, here I come! » Blitzo exclaimed excited.

« Huh. Who would have thought that. There are actual ruins around here. » Moxxie commented.

« Urgh, this better be worth it. Wasted, like, so much time in this shit. » Loona commented annoyed.

« You kidding? We're gonna, like, become death, destroyers of universes with that thing! We'll conquer this shitty place, become gods, and then slap the Canada out of the wore that stranded us here! » Blitzo exclaimed.

« To be fair, it's not all bar around here…. » Millie commented.

« Yeah, but it's like, the principle behind it. » Blitzo replied casually.

As the group found themselves in front of a large door, they simply blew it up with a shit ton of explosions, entering the room, Blitzo smirking.

However, his smirk didn't last for long. « Wait, where's the treasure? » he asked genuinely confused.

« Well, this is a "treasure room" sir, why don't you look for the "treasure?" We'll be outside. » Moxxie replied casually.

« Hahahaha….I'll save you the trouble. » a voice called the group. « How about you let me take over? »

« How about you go fuck yourself, fuckface?! » Blitzo pointed a flintlock at him.

« You would be wise to not underestimate us. » the man replied calmy, « My gang is just outside waiting for my order. »

« I'm sorry to rain on your parade. » another voice called, belonging to Kaeya, who was accompanied by two knights.

« Holy shit this place has a lot of dark corners…» Blitzo commented.

« Your gang won't be participating in your current plan. If you'd like to ask why, you can go see them….in Mondstadt prison. »

« The knights? » the man asked shocked.

« Nice job Kaeya! As a reward for keeping this guy still….how about you let me….burrow that kick ass sword of yours? » Blitzo proposed with a smirk.

« Oh, you mean the treasure? Don't bother, there's no treasure. » Kaeya replied.

Blitzo just blinked at him, whilst his brain stopped working for a couple of seconds. « Ex-fucking-cuse me? »

« I admit it was a sort of…play to gain the attention of the hoarders. » Kaeya shrugged.

« Two words, old man. Called. It. » Loona mocked Blitzo.

In the meantime, the hoarder made a run for it. « What the-hey! » Kaeya exclaimed.

« You won't take me alive, knights! »

« Gladly! » Moxxie exclaimed, as he fired a gun, barely missing the man and hitting a door.

As a response, the door opened, and out of it came a giant mechanical creature.

« Oh, for fuck SA- »

Xxxxxxx

After a huge battle in the ruin, the group returned to Mondstadt, and arrived to the IMPs base, much for Kaeya's joy, as it meant not having to deal with Blitzo complaints.

«….And then THAT bullshit! Have you any idea how much time we fucking wasted for your shit, you eye-patched son of a bitch!? » Blitzo shouted at a Kaeya who desperately tried to cover his ears.

« Look, I needed to capture those hoarders, possibly alive. And given your track record so far, I had to…improvise. » Kaeya replied annoyed.

« Well how about next time you don't get us involved! We're "Immediate. Murder. Professionals.," murdering fuckers is our job! » Blitzo shot back.

« Look, how about I repay you for your efforts? »

« That's not the fucking point, you Japanese-Demoman knock off! You promised us a kickass sword, and instead got some Chilli Churros! »

« Never actually promised that part. »

« Well no one fucking cares now, does it!? Now give us the money! »

« Here you go, you psychotic lizard. And people say I the slimiest in the Knights circle…. » Kaeya tossed a money bag at Blitzo.

« Good! Now a shit day to you, sir! » Blitzo shot back, slamming the door of his office. « Fucking ass. »

« Oh, come on, sir! It was obvious that thing could had not been real! » Moxxie exclaimed.

« Well have you seen these fuckers!? How should I have known they know how to lie and shit!? » Blitzo shot back.

« Sir! They're humans! It's all they do! » Moxxie replied in a desperate tone.

« OUR humans, not these fuckers with the big eyes. » Blitzo shot back. « By the way, how are things doing, emergency food? »

All Paimon could respond with was muffled sounds as she was drowning in papers.

« Oh god fucking damn it, you still there, shitstains!? » Blitzo casually picked her up.

« SO. MANY. PAPERS! » Paimon exclaimed after taking a deep breath of fresh air.

« Wow. You're, like, the shittiest secretary ever. » Loona smirked, before taking a selfie with the near-asphyxiated Paimon.

« Did we get any visitors? Preferably someone who can pay us a shitload of money? » Blitzo asked annoyed.

« Yes, there was this lady at the Adventurer's Guild. She asked if you were interested in joining and that they were willing to pay. » Paimon explained.

« And what's the catch, emergency food? » Blitzo asked suspicious.

« None, my good sir! » a woman replied, having sneaked behind the Imp.

« Akihjsrgvnihredbgvirehbgoviwihrgiuewbgiurwg-aaaaaahhhh! » Blitzo proceeded to suffer a miny heart attack as he jumped on top of a lamp before pulling out a shotgun. « Who the fuck are you!? How did you get inside!? »

« ….the backdoor was open. And I did hear muffled sounds. I was concerned, that's all…. » the woman replied. She had black hair with bangs, grey-blue eyes and fair skin. She wore a white dress with a black corset, green accents and a red bow on the back. She wore green sleeves which reach the back of her hand. Her skirt had a black hem, with green panels on the back and sides, and a red bow on the left. She had an eight-pointed star printed on the neckline of her dress. She wore a white maid's hairband with a red cross on the left. Around her neck was a black-and-white collar, with a red gem on the front and a keyhole-shaped embellishment on the back. She wore white tights and green shoes.

« Urgh, whatever. What do you want? » Blitzo shot back.

« Truth be told, I've had my eye on you for a long time. » the woman replied.

« Oh, crumbs….what has our boss done? » Moxxie asked terrified.

« Oh, that's not what I meant at all. being on the lookout for great adventurers is part of my job. » the woman replied. « And when I look at all of you, I see the potential to rival the greatest adventurers of legends. »

« So, what? You want us to join your freaky cult or some shit? » Blitzo asked annoyed.

« We would be interested in you joining the Adventurer Guild, yes. Not to worry, we do not charge a membership fee or impose any kind of duties on its members. » the woman explained.

« So no downsides, and a shit-load of benefits! I like that, sweet-tits! Where do we sign? » Blitzo's eyes glimmered.

« Nowhere. You are now officially Adventurers of Mondstadt! And we'll be more than willing to reward for any job we might have. » the woman replied.

« Sooo…. anything available right now? » Moxxie asked.

« I'm afraid not. But it would be wise to visit the guild every now and then. Until then, farewell. I need to return to my duties. »

« Happy free-handing of memberships, sweetcakes! » Blitzo waved at the woman. « I'm gonna fuck her one of these days. »

However, Blitzo noticed something was….off about Loona. « Looney? You good, sweetie-pie? »

«….The smell…. » she ignored the Imp, as she sniffed the air. « The smelly smell…the smelly smell that smells…. Femboy….»

« Excuse me? » Moxxie asked.

« There's a fucking femboy out there….fresh for the pegging, at that. » Loona replied.

« Urgh, so what? What's so important about some guy who looks like a- » Moxxie commented disgusted, before noticing the femboy himself.

He was casually walking in the streets of Mondstadt. And was awfully familiar.

« Hey! Paimon recognizes him! He's the guy who was talking to the dragon! »

« Oh HELL NO! » Blitzo exclaimed, before falling face first on the floor.

« Sir? » Moxxie asked concerned, before being shoved away by Blitzo.

« FEEEEEETTTTCCCCHHHHH THE FEMBOYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! » he dramatically commanded, with Loona darting off at full speed, fangs well visible.

Xxxxxxx

Not too far away, a bard, the man the saw with Stormterror, was performing in front of a crowd. However, before he could utter a single word, Loona lunged forward, pinning him against a wall and growling, showing her fangs at him.

« Well, well, well….we meet again, femboy extraordinaire. » Blitzo walked slowly towards the man, hands behind his back and a grin on his face, followed by Millie and Moxxie, each pointing their weapons at him.

« Wait…I know you! You're the ones that scared Dvalin away! » the man exclaimed after having recovered from the shock.

« Oh, so you know good ol' Stormvakin! Now, Moxxie….mind channelling your inner mafioso to make him…collaborate? » Blitzo turned to Moxxie.

« Gladly…. » Moxxie grinned with a fake Italo-American tone, before turning towards the man. « Listen here, pal. My boss and us had a bad first impression with your dragon lover, if ya catch my meaning. Think it'd be smart if ya start talking. Capishe? »

« Uhhhh….. » the man looked at Moxxie confused.

« How about a quick demonstration: the stick here is your knee caps and, possibly, ya balls, and Millie is us. » Moxxie continued, before grabbing a stick and handing it to Millie.

She tossed it into the air before shattering it with both hands, a crazed and terrifying grin on her face.

All looked shocked and surprised at the scene, even Blitzo, Moxxie and Loona. « A-anyway, now ya get it, fig? »

« Perhaps. Very well, I shall enlighten you, but would it be possible for this proud canine to abandon my form? » the man spoke.

« Uhhhh….what? » Loona asked genuinely confused.

« I think he's telling you to get off him. » Moxxie replied.

« Just so we're clear, you try to run, and your balls are dead. » Loona threatened the man.

« Why such focus on my reproductive organs? » the man, now pale, asked.

« Hey! Doing ya a favour, femboy! Bet ye've been tryin' ta get rid of that junk down there for a two way in! » Blitzo poked the man's cheek in response.

« N-no matter. What information's you seek? »

« So who the fuck are you? Callin' ya "femboy" is getting old. » Blitzo asked.

« I'm Venti the bard, three-time winner of the "Most Popular Bard in Mondstadt," to be precise. » the man, Venti, proudly replied.

« Most popular bard, huh? Bet you "blowed away" plenty of people in that contest. » Blitzo grinned.

« One could say that… » Venti replied, all widening their eyes in shock. « All performed exquisitely, but my lyre has yet to find a proper opponent. »

« Oh, you're just good at playing the instrument. » Blitzo commented.

« And I know the dragon that has attacked this city. Poor Dvalin…. The anguish he feels, has brought him to tears…. » Venti added.

« No one gives a shit that he's having a temper tantrum. People are dying because of that fucker! » Moxxie shot back.

« Please! You need to understand! He was such a sweet child….Now he's full of rage and suffering… » Venti replied sadly.

« Oh, so when a kid bullies somebody in a social network until the guy commits suicide that kid is a sociopath, but when Stormpussy is terrorizing this city it's because he's in pain! » Blitzo shot back.

« Do not fear, my friends! He can be stopped! I have a plan! » Venti exclaimed.

« And what would that be, genius? » Loona asked annoyed.

« There is a holy lyre, the "Holy Lyre of Himmel," one of the most treasured items in Mondstadt. It is the Lyre that Barbatos used to play. With it, perhaps I can help Dvalin draw his gentle nature back out of his nightmare he's going through. » Venti explained.

« How the hell is channelling your inner Nazi gonna help you deal with this shit? » Blitzo asked genuinely confused.

« Inner Nazi-ooooohhhhh! Riiigggth…Himmel...like Himmler...» Moxxie realized.

« Well, it is because I'm the best bard in the world- »

« You're Barbados, aren't ya? » Loona deduced.

Venti looked surprised at the hellhound, while the Imps looked shocked. « He's WHAT!? » Moxxie shouted.

« Wait, Barbados? As in "God of winds and fucking giant ass hurricanes" Barbados? » Blitzo asked confused.

« I mean, it's pretty fucking obvious. He knows about the lyre, he's Stormguy's bitch, looks like him, like, he's totally him. » Loona explained.

Venti chucked at her explanation. « Quite a sharp observation, my fair lady. But alas, "vessel" would be a better term. »

« So, you're like, one of those blue things in that one movie about giant alien cat people in that shitty jungle moon? » Blitzo asked.

« I…. perhaps it would be a viable explanation? » Venti replied.

« So you're, like, god around here, right? » Moxxie asked.

« Indeed. But alas, it would seem people fail to realize as such. Not for me to complain. It has aided me in my wanders. » Venti explained.

« Weeelllll, how do I put this in simple terms….so this "Holy Lyre of the SS Order" is, like, the hottest shit around, right? » Blitzo asked.

« It….is an apt analogy, yes. » Venti replied.

« Well then, my lovable peggable fuckboy! My sweet little Looney Loona might have figured out who you are because she's the best girl, yes she is, yes she is. » Blitzo hugged Loona and petted her head, only for her to slam him on the ground. « BUT! People around here are as smart as a Chilli Churro trying to use a sword as a dildo! »

« Your point being? » Venti asked disgusted by the analogy.

« They're not going to simply hand it to you! For them, you're just a kid with wild fantasies! » Millie explained.

« Nonsense! Besides, my real identity is not needed! As the greatest bard in Mondstadt, they shall easily hand the lyre to me in this time of crisis! » Venti proudly declared.

« Oh really? Well if that's the case, we'll leave it to ya, femboy! » Blitzo replied, laying on a bench, followed by the rest of the IMPs, smirking smugly.

« Hmpf. And I thought taverns lacked respect around these parts. I shall return victorious, just you wait! » Venti shot back.
Xxxxxxx

1 fucking percent of a nanosecond later.

The doors of the church where the lyre was placed opened, and Venti was kicked out, flying for considerable time, and almost flying into a building, before Millie grabbed him.

« Easy there, big guy! Ya'll need a lot more courage if ye're wanna join the birds in the sky! » Millie teased the man.

« Shut up! I had this! » Venti replied embarrassed.

« Did you? » Loona replied, before sending a video of Venti flying off the church to Blitzo.

Venti simply sighed. « Perhaps not. I believe I require some sort of aid. »

« Well, good luck finding a guy! Maybe a blonde guy or his evil twin sister! » Blitzo waked off with the rest of the group.

« Wait! After interrupting my meeting with Dvalin, you intend to walk away!? » Venti exclaimed outraged.

« Yes, as a matter of fact. » Blitzo shot back.

« I-» Venti tried to speak, but realized that they would not do this for free. « Very well. If you are to aid me, I shall reward you. »

« With what? » Blitzo shot back.

To that, Venti posed sexily and smirked sensually. « Mo-ney… »

« DONE! » Blitzo agreed in a nanosecond.

« Wait, WHAT!? » Moxxie exclaimed.

« WHY!? » Loona added.

« Look, we need money, and if this guy is willing to pay, a job is a job! » Blitzo shot back.

« But we were just paid by Kaeya, right!? » Millie exclaimed.

Blitzo remained silent.

« Sir….we were just paid by Kaeya, RIGHT!? » Moxxie glared at him.

« I mean suuureee….but I miiiiiight have spent it all on this… » Blitzo pulled out a small green crystal horse called "Mare-Huana."

The remaining four just stared at him.

« I'M GOING TO KILL- »

Xxxxxxx

Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.

I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!

See you to the next update!