It had been a long day for the Imps. Searching Anemoculus all over Mondstadt, traversing nameless islands with their complex puzzles, and now they needed a drink before finding the last Anemoculus. And so, they arrived at the Angel's Share, and talked to the bartender.

« Hey pal, I heard you're a pal that can get…. information's…. » Blitzo blinked at the bartender.

« That depends. » the man replied.

« We're looking for orbs of winds scattered all over Teyvat. »

« Finding them may require skills. »

« Skills are the one thing we have….that and mental illnesses!»

« Well, there are rumours about orbs of winds on top of Mondstadt cathedral…. »

« Well that was easy-»

« But is that the ONLY rumour you want to hear about? » the man smirked.

« Y'know I know yer playing me….and I do… » Blitzo replied.

« One particular rumour is the tale of... the Darknight Hero! »

« …That's the dumbest name I've ever heard in all of my life. » Moxxie replied unimpressed.

« So what's so special about the guy? » Loona asked.

« It is said that he appears in the middle of the night to fight evil and uphold justice. But to be honest, I don't have much interest in such rumours. » the man replied. « Unless of course he can help take care of the more belligerent patrons after they've had a few too many... I would happily take that as proof of his existence. »

« And has anybody seen this fucker? » Blitzo asked.

« I'm told that there have been a handful of sightings. But in the depths of night, no one can get a good look at him. » the bartender replied. « Perhaps that's why he only appears at night. Nevertheless, the sightings confirm that the Darknight Hero is more than just a groundless rumour. »

« Well that's good and all-» Moxxie begun, before being interrupted.

« Guys? Can you do me a favour and fetch me the Anemowhatever without me? I'll be with you folks very soon. » Blitzo smirked, as he ran off.

« I'm almost scared to know what he's off to now… » Moxxie commented.

Xxxxxxx

Meanwhile, on the top of Mondstadt cathedral.

« We got the last thingie! » Millie exclaimed.

« Oh thank god it's over. Now where the hell is-» Loona replied, before turning to the left and noticing a shadow.

It belonged to Blitzo, who was cladded in black robes and a black cape.

« Oh you've got to be kidding me…» Moxxie said exasperated.

« I am violence! I am the wind! I am…the Darknight Hero! » Blitzo proclaimed, before jumping down right in front of the other IMPs. « But you baby dicked Imps may call me "Impman"! »

« Boss, what are you doing? » Moxxie asked desperate.

« Simple! I'm faking the Darknight Hero identity, so that I can reveal it later to the people of Mondstadt and get handsomely paid for all the good I did in this city! » Blitzo replied.

« And what if the REAL Darknight Hero finds out about it? » Loona asked.

« I'll kill him and eat his liver! » Blitzo replied.

All remained silent after hearing Blitzo's response.

« Gotcha, didn't I? just kidding fellas, he'll be fine. I'll just send him in a box to Liyue for the organ farms! »

« Somehow that's even worse…» Millie replied.

« So, now you're a vigilante. So who's your first victim-I mean villain? » Moxxie mocked the Imp.

« Well that guy fighting Diluc looks suspicious. » Blitzo replied, as he pointed something below.

And indeed, it was Diluc fighting an Abyss Mage.

« Holy shit, we gotta help him! » Moxxie exclaimed.

« Ah-Ah! I gotta help him! For I am the Darknight Hero! » Blitzo hushed his companion, before jumping down towards the Abyssal Mage, still busy fighting Diluc and not realizing Blitzo was above him.

The demon descended on the mage with the biggest mace ever known to man, and smashed the creature into billions of pieces.

« Fear not, my incredibly attractive citizen! The Darknight Hero is here to smash your enemies, drive them before him and hear the lamentation of their Chili Churros! » Blitzo declared in a deep voice.

Diluc just stood there utterly confused. « That is the dumbest name I've ever heard in my entire life. »

« Well that's what everyone has been calling you this whole time. » Loona commented, as she descended the church.

« Wait, HE's the Darknight Hero?! » Blitzo exclaimed shocked, before turning towards Dulic. « Does that mean I have to lock you in a box? »

« Don't you dare. »

« Yes daddy. »

« Don't call me that. »

« Yes sir. »

« How the hell did you figure it out that he was the Darknight Hero!?» Moxxie asked.

« I mostly based myself on Batman. He's rich, acts at night, and I guarantee you he has a traumatic past. » Loona replied.

« Three out of three, impressive…» Diluc replied.

« You need a hug? » Millie asked.

« I need you to focus. »

« Hey, if it helps your mental health… » Moxxie replied.

« I don't know what the devil the Abyss Order is plotting this time. It seems they're performing some initial reconnaissance. » Diluc explained. « Considering that I've proven myself to be one step ahead of them on countless occasions, their persistence is... unusual. »

« You've been dealing with all these fuckers alone? Holy shit the knights suck…. » Blitzo commented.

« A most accurate description. » Diluc replied. « Now then, would it be possible for a favour? »

« Hey, if the pay is good! » Blitzo replied.

« You must keep my identity a secret. »

« Oh that's on the house! From now on, I'll be the Darknight Hero! » Blitzo exclaimed.

« N O. » Diluc replied. And as he did, a small horde of Hilichurls appeared.

« Wait, how did they get inside, Diluc? » Moxxie asked, before realizing Diluc was gone. « Diluc? »

« Fear not, my baby dicked demon! I, the great Darknight Hero, will save you! » Blitzo exclaimed, as he gunned down the Hilichurls with ease.

« And yet again, my job is done! » Blitzo exclaimed.

As he said that, a knight arrived to assets the situation. « Greetings. I thought I heard something, so I came to check it out. » the man said. « Did you see anything out of the ordinary? »

« Fear not, my incompetent citizen! The Darknight Hero has struck again against the hordes of evil! » Blitzo proclaimed.

«The Darknight Hero? You saw him? » the knight asked.

« Of course! I am the Darknight Hero! » Blitzo exclaimed.

A few moments of silence followed.

« So have you seen the Darknight Hero? »

« No. »

« Nope! »

« Who? »

« I see…But I do hope you will visit the Knights of Favonius soon, where we can discuss the Darknight Hero situation in more detail. » the knight replied. « Some things are best not discussed in public. Duty calls. I must be going. Stay safe, Traveler! »

As the knight walked off, Blitzo looked at him pissed and said « Bitch! »

Xxxxxxx

The next day, the Imps managed to contact the knight.

« What's shaking ma man? » Blitzo gun fingered the knight.

« Oh, it's you madmen. Thanks for coming. » the knight replied. « So — the Darknight Hero. Do you have anything else you're able to share with me? »

« Not much, why you askin'?» Blitzo asked.

« The situation is... here. Look at this. » the knight explained, as he handed a letter to the Imps.

To the "Darknight Hero"

? ? ? has endured too long your self-proclaimed ? and hypocrisy. We hereby ? you:

We shall ? ? ? ? march full-on onto Mondstadt's front gate at ? ?. If you wish to cling to your so-called justice, don't sit idly by ? ? ?, step up and accept ? ?. Otherwise, Mondstadt's ? ? shall take the fall in your stead.

«…Dafuck is any of this!? » Blitzo asked confused.

« Although this is written in the common tongue, it appears that a cipher has been used in many places. » the knight explained. « Nevertheless, one can grasp the general message from the non-ciphered portions alone... This is a war declaration from the Abyss Order to the Darknight Hero. »

« Wait, why has nobody tried that with batman? » Blitzo asked.

« Who's batman? » the knight asked.

« Questions for later. » Blitzo replied.

« Good point. The point is, we are hoping to contact him as soon as possible so that we can attempt to coordinate a response. » the knight replied. « After all, this matter no longer concerns merely the Darknight Hero himself. It impacts the entire city of Mondstadt. »

« Well that's worrying… » Blitzo commented.

« If you find out anything at all, come and find me. » the knight replied.

« Hehehe…uh…sure sir…. » Moxxie laughed nervously.

Xxxxxxx

Five seconds later, at Diluc's manor….

« DILUC! WE GOT A FUCKING PROBLEM! » Moxxie slammed the main door, screaming on the top of his lungs.

« Is it the Abyss Order war declaration? » Diluc replied casually.

« THE ABYSS ORDER-oh, you already knew…. »

« How? » Millie asked.

« The Dawn Winery's intelligence network extends beyond commercial matters. » Diluc explained.

« So how do we deal with the Abyss fucks? » Blitzo asked.

« There is a way. But for it to work, I need some more information. » Diluc replied. « Specifically, I need to decipher the obscured portions of the Abyss Order's war declaration. »

« You think this declaration is used to notify the other fucks? » Blitzo asked.

« Very likely. » Diluc replied.

« So how do we deal with them? » Moxxie asked.

« Simple. When you don't understand something, you ask. » Diluc replied. « I've already tracked down one of their strongholds... If you're interested, feel free to come along. »

« Oh, we're gonna South America regime their shit! » Blitzo smirked.

Xxxxxxx

Five nanoseconds later…

In one of the many ruins of Mondstadt, the main entrance was blown into pieces, and the leading mage was taken by utter surprise.

« Gah! What the!? How did you find me here!? Favonian scum! » the mage exclaimed.

« Oh, we're no Flavour pussies! This here is Diluc, and we're the I.M.P! And either you start talking, or your ass is gonna be stuffed with so many rats you'll start squeaking! » Blitzo threatened the mage.

« I see you received our letter... But if you think I'm going to let you in on our secrets, I'm afraid you're quite mistaken! » the mage replied.

« Oh really? » Blitzo smirked evilly, as he prepared to persuade the mage.

Xxxxxxx

The mage had been locked in a white room with the loudest music possible played, surrounded by rats, fast growing nail bamboo shoots, whilst the mage was covered in honey and consumed by flies whilst stuck in a cross.

In the meantime, the Imps and Diluc were playing cards, until Moxxie opened the door of the torture room.

« So, ready to talk, buddy? » Moxxie asked.

« EEEEEEENNNNNNNDDDDDDD MMMMMYYYYYYY SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSUUUUUFFFFEEEERRRRIIIINNNNGGGG!» the mage begged.

« So are you gonna talk? » Blitzo asked.

« Th—The Abyss Order, we've amassed a force bound by a shared hatred for the Darknight Hero... » the mage replied weakly. « They... They will march on the Mondstadt city gates at 10 PM tomorrow night. That's everything I know... Please! KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!»

« Well that was easy. » Blitzo casually shot the mage, before burning the entire room with flames.

« Perhaps a bit too violent even for me…but it does get the job done. » Diluc commented.

« Meh, as long as it works. » Blitzo replied.

« Anyway, your job seems to be done. You are free to go. »

« Well, guess we'll take a stroll in town, see if the Fabulous knights aren't messing with ya. »

Xxxxxxx

After a while, the Imps reached Mondstadt and found the knight they had talked to before.

« If we do not contact the Darknight Hero soon...

« Oh come on, he can handle his shit » Blitzo commented.

« Ah, it's you guys. I must admit, this issue of the Darknight Hero is proving to be something of a headache. » the knight replied. « We've just held a meeting to decide on an appropriate course of action. Can you guess what it is? »

« An incompetent one? » Blitzo asked.

« Find out the Darknight Hero's identity, and offer him our protection. » the knight replied.

« Oh yeah, sure, 'cause he's doing that poorly without you guys, is he? » Blitzo mocked the knight.

« Well, since you've aided the Knights in the past, I might as well just tell you. » the knight sighed. « The offer of protection is just a ruse, for the Knights of Favonius to take over full — and exclusive — responsibility for this matter. »

« Sounds like somebody fears losing their dictatorial powers…» Blitzo smirked.

« Oh no! Now the system won't be able to oppress me! » Moxxie added.

« You have to understand! The Abyss doesn't have mercy on their mind! It's for his own good! But none of this will work if we don't establish the Darknight Hero's true identity in time. » the knight shot back.

« There's no need to despair, Huffman. Just follow my plan and everything will be fine. » Kaeya arrived, intervening in the conversation.

« Ah, Captain Kaeya. » Huffman replied.

« Lately, Master Diluc has been working the bar at the Angel's Share every night. » Kaeya explained. « All I need you to do is keep him in your sight. Think you can manage that for me? »

« Yes, Captain Kaeya! ...But, does that mean that... » Hoffman realized. « Master Diluc is the Darknight Hero? »

« Who knows...? It's just a hunch. I've been known to be wrong on occasion. » Kaeya shrugged.

The Imps eyes went wide in panic, as Hoffman and Kaeya walked off.

« Oh nooooooooo…. »

Xxxxxxx

Five fucking nanoseconds, back at Diluc's manor….

« DADDY WE HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM! » Blitzo busted through the main door in full panic.

« I specifically told you not to call me that. » Diluc replied casually.

« No seriously, we're in the shit man! » Moxxie exclaimed.

« Yes... about Kaeya...» Diluc replied. « I should have known he would see this as the perfect opportunity to get back at me. »

« Jesus, what, did you two use to work at a circus or something? » Blitzo asked.

« That sounds oddly specific…»

« We don't talk about it… »

« No matter. If they intend to monitor me, then so be it. » Diluc replied. « We can use this to create the perfect alibi. »

« Is it another fetch quest? » Blitzo asked.

« Do you have a better idea? » Diluc asked.

« Well, what if the guard was unable to keep an eye on you? » Blitzo asked.

« You know, I know you're playing me….but go on…»

« Do you have a lab? » Blitzo asked.

« Would the cellar work? » Diluc asked.

« I hope so, 'cause we need to cook, Jesse! » Blitzo exclaimed, as he pulled out five yellow hazard suits.

Xxxxxxx

That evening….

« Greetings, Mr. Huffman of the Knights of Favonius. To what do I owe the pleasure at this hour? » Diluc said, as Hoffman entered the Angel's Share.

«...Oh, erm, nothing... I'm merely procrastinating. I thought I might indulge myself with a beverage or two. » the man replied.

Quickly, Diluc handed him a glass of wine. « Here. On the house. »

« Oh! M-my thanks, ser Diluc…» Hoffman replied nervously, drinking the wine.

However, when he put the wine down and opened his eyes, he found himself in a frozen tundra, on a cart, with several other people.

« Uh? Wha!?» the man exclaimed confused, catching the attention of a blonde man.

« Hey you! You're finally awake…»

Xxxxxxx

Back in the real world, Hoffman remained there, paralyzed with eyes wide.

« I can't believe it worked…. » Diluc said in surprise.

« Trust me pal, if there's one great thing about hell, is how to make kickass drugs. » Blitzo replied, walking from behind the counter.

« And none is better to keep somebody in place than the good 'ol Skyrimeth! » Moxxie added.

« Well, now that he's stuck, we better make our move. » Diluc walked off the counter, ready to defend Mondstadt.

« They won't know what hit 'em…. » Blitzo chuckled, as he carried several heavy machine guns.

Xxxxxxx

Meanwhile, at the city gates, the Abyss Order had launched a massive attack.

They knew they had the Darknight Hero right where they wanted him, and was now time to punish him for his actions.

What they didn't know, was that he was not alone.

As they arrived, they found several pillboxes, with Moxxie and Blitzo in position, and Millie, Diluc and Loona prepared for battle, weapons drawn for the first two and teeth barren for the latter.

« ….Well this stinks…» the leading mage complained, as Blitzo and Moxxie mowed down many of the Hilichurls, whilst Diluc and Millie cut others into tiny pieces, and Loona used her Cataboobienator on the few remaining.

Soon, the invading army was destroyed.

« Well that was easy… » Blitzo smirked.

« Nothing more than a few Hilichurls. » Diluc replied. « No time to chat. I don't know how long that drug will keep Huffman occupied. Best get back to the tavern. »

« Meh, shouldn't be too much of a problem. »

Xxxxxxx

After a while, the group returned to the tavern. And luckily for them, Hoffman was still stuck.

« It seems Huffman is still stuck. » Diluc commented. « We made it in time. »

« Give it a minute… » Moxxie replied.

Then, after a couple of seconds, Hoffman snapped out of his vision, with no memory of hallucinating. «Uh? Wha? What happened? D-did I black out? »

« Blacking out on the job? Even I don't think that lowly of the knights…» Diluc replied casually.

« I…aheam…Imps ...did you see Master Diluc— I mean, today's bartender... Did you see him leave just now? » Hoffman asked.

« Nah…what about you folks? » Blitzo replied, before turning to the other customers.

« Master Diluc? Why no, he's been behind the bar this entire time. » one of the customers replied.

« I see…» Hoffman replied.

Xxxxxxx

The next morning, and no attack had took place.

Not that the knights knew.

« I can't believe the Abyss Order "attack" was nothing but a prank! An entire shift wasted drinking my problems away AND the reputation of the knights in Diluc's name diminished even harder » Hoffman murmured off, as he walked off angrily.

« Man, can believe that somebody would prank the knights about an attack! » Moxxie commented sarcastically.

« Still, nice call to get everybody working on your Winery to be your customers. » Blitzo commented.

« I foresaw that opportunity. Nobody outside of the winery was in the tavern…» Diluc replied.

« Not all of them... Or should I say, not all of us. » Kaeya said, as he came out of the dining area.

« Wait, Kaeya!? What the fuck are you doing here!? » Blitzo exclaimed.

« I just picked a good spot to quietly sit and watch the show. » Kaeya casually replied. « "The Darknight Hero's Alibi"... I think it's my favorite chapter so far. More intriguing than a fine wine. »

« So? You plan to report everything to the Knights of Favonius? » Diluc asked angrily.

« Haha... Come now Diluc, you know me better than that. I have no interest in exposing secrets. » Kaeya smirked. « I was just curious to see how far Mondstadt's Darknight Hero would really go. And you did not disappoint. »

« I have nothing to prove to you. » Diluc replied.

« Oh, naturally. » Kaeya smirked. « I must say though, one thing I didn't see coming is that the mighty Darknight Hero would actually need help from other people... »

« Can you get the fuck out? We have things to do. » Blitzo asked angrily.

« Alright, alright... I have no further need of wine to entertain myself with, in any case. » Kaeya replied. « Just one last thing before I go. »

« Get out. » Blitzo replied.

« I feel strangely comforted by the fact you now have an assistant, Diluc. » Kaeya bid his farewell as he exited the building.

« Well that was a fucking chore, anyway, gotta go, gotta collect shit from Barbara's stature or whatever. have a good day, Diluc! » Blitzo exclaimed.

« Thank you for all your help with this matter. This is a token of my gratitude. » Diluc tossed a coin bag at the Imps.

« Pleasure doing business with ya! » Blitzo exclaimed.

« I'm in the habit of working alone, but I did enjoy having your assistance this time. » Diluc replied. « In the future, if there's anything you ever need, you can come to me for help. »

« Whoho! We have rich guys covering our ass! »

Xxxxxxx

Outside of Mondstadt….

« Okay, statue, we got your Anemothings, ravioli, ravioli, give me the rewardioli. » Blitzo casually said, as he threw the Anemoculus on the statue.

Then the statue glowed in light, fully restoring itself, as a reward, awarded the Imps some Wind Sigils. Of course, Blitzo wasn't happy.

« Well, you folks know the procedure…» Blitzo proclaimed, as he pulled out a rocket launcher to blow up the statue, before Paimon stormed in with the strength of a hurricane.

« WAIT! Hold on! You can't destroy a statue of the Seven! » Paimon exclaimed in a panic.

« Wait, weren't you drowning in papers? » Blitzo asked.

« Paimon sorted them out. »

« Whatever, that statue promised us rewards and instead it gave us this shit! And I don't care if I hurt the femboy's toys, this statue is getting what it fucking deserve! » Blitzo replied angrily.

« Listen, there is this lady named called Marjorie that can trade the sigil for something you will quite enjoy! »

« Money? »

« Better than that! »

Blitzo then shrugged his shoulders. « Meh, better than nothing. Come on folks, let's get our reward from this Marjorie lady and then go off to sleep! Jeez, what a day it has been…»

Xxxxxxx

End of the Mondstadt Arc

Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.

I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!

See you to the next update!