After the Lantern Festival, the Imps had returned to Mondstadt, and proceeded to complete their assignments in terms of Hilichurl exterminations.
Today, the group had just returned after one of the many jobs in Mondstadt wilderness.
« And more Chilli Churros corpses to our names! » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Hardly think it's something to be triumphant about… » Loona shrugged.
« True that. But it's a living, so I'm not complaining. » Blitzo shrugged.
« And man, thank Satan we got here now! Soon it's the Windblume Festival! » Moxxie added.
« I think this is your first Windblume Festival, right? I hope you guys get to enjoy it. »Anna replied.
« The way things are going, we're celebrating every single festival on the planet! » Millie replied.
« Let's just hope it's not as incompetent as the knights. » Blitzo said, before turning towards Mona on her desk. « So, Emergency Food Number 2! Got any more jobs for us? »
« Uhm…she DOES have a name, you know? » Anna said.
« Yeah, but I couldn't be bothered. » Blitzo replied with a derpy face.
« It's four fucking letters. » Mona shot back.
« Four too many. » Blitzo replied.
« On another note, there DOES seem to be a job for you. » Mona replied.
« Chilli Churros extermination? » Blitzo asked.
« Actually, before that, SOMEHOW there's another lunatic that wants to willing fully join this ragtag gang of misfit psychopaths. » Mona replied, as she pointed at a young man sitting on a chair.
He had pale ash-grey hair, light tan skin, and bright green eyes. He had a prominent scar on his left shoulder.
He wore cuffed navy shorts and a sleeveless cream-colored jacket with blue and gold details, a leather belt, a bag with his Vision attached to it, gloves, a yellow bandanna tied around his right arm, and goggles on his head.
« Hello! I'd like to join the Imps! » the boy said.
« He'd like to join the Imps. » Mona parroted him.
« Wait, I feel like I've seen your ass somewhere else, have we met before? » Blitzo asked.
« The name's Bennett. I'm your run-of-the-mill adventurer from Mondstadt! » the boy, Bennett, replied.
« And for some….ungodly reason, you want to join our team? » Blitzo asked.
« I mean, it's not that bad…» Anna replied.
« You just got to keep 10 feet away from Blitzo! » Moxxie joked.
« Yeah, yeah, potato, potato, just answer the question, boy. » Blitzo shot back.
« Well it's just…I really wanted an opportunity to join a team that I admire so much…» Bennet replied.
« Wait, you admire us? » Blitzo asked incredulous.
« Did you get hit in the head by a fucking sledgehammer? » Loona asked incredulous.
« Well, you're the Imps! The heroes who quelled the Stormterror crisis, and one of the greatest adventure teams in all of Mondstadt! » Bennett replied. « If I'm being honest... I'm totally jealous of all your achievements...»
« You clearly don't know about our constant arguments with Acting Grandmaster Jean. » Moxxie replied.
« Arguments with the Acting Grand Master? But you're such cool guys! » Bennett protested. « It might look like you're just handling a bunch of boring commissions, but then, as soon as something big goes down, you're always there! »
« That's because every single government body in this shithole of a planet is a dictionary definition of Incompetent. » Moxxie replied.
« Yeah, sorry kid. We aren't as cool as we look. » Loona replied.
« Y'know the age-old saying: "Don't meet your heroes. Because heroes are people, and people are shit."» Blitzo added.
« Anyway, I just really envy you. You guys are sort of like... the protagonists of this world, or something. Hahaha...» Bennett said, before turning sad. « Me, on the other hand, I'm just some unlucky guy. »
« Pfff. Better to be an unlucky guy than being the gods of this fucking shithole. » Loona shot back.
« Sorry what? » Bennett asked surprised.
« I mean, have you SEEN the gods of this world? I mean we don't know a whole lot about the gods outside of Liyue or Mondstadt, but they ain't that impressive from what we heard…» Blitzo replied.
« What do you mean? » Bennett asked.
« Think about it! » Blitzo begun to list the Seven. « Barbatos! An alcoholic femboy! Morax! A jaded old lizard that went to the retirement home! Baal! Never went to therapy! Nahida! Sumeru's personal punching bag! Focalos! A fucking sassy lost child! Murata! Is probably fucking dead! And the Tsaritsa! Who's straight up Joseph Stalin! »
« What about Osial? » Bennett asked.
« He has been banished to the shadow realm, he doesn't count. » Moxxie replied.
« Oh… » was Bennett response. « Anyway, it's okay if you don't want me in your team…»
« Why? » Blitzo asked.
« Eh-hehe... Maybe you don't know. I'm a really unlucky person to have around... » Bennet replied. « My bad luck would probably just screw everything up! »
« Tell you what, boy. » Blitzo replied. « Since apparently yer the fucking Horseman of the Apocalypse or some shit, we'll see how much your back luck is gonna "screw us." Welcome to the Imps! »
« Really! That's awesome! Thank you so much for this opportunity! » Bennett exclaimed.
« And it looks like we already have a job! » Blitzo exclaimed. « Okay, now that we hire the new guy, what's the job at hand? »
« That would be me. » a girl replied, sitting on another chair.
She had short, neck-length pale grey hair with a straight fringe and lopsided locks of hair framing her face. A section of hair was braided over her bangs and pinned down at the right side of her face with a gold shield clip. Her eyes were olive green.
She had a maid-inspired dress with a metal headdress, a breastplate, a pauldron on her left shoulder, and a cravat. Her attire was adorned with fuchsia roses and bows. Her dress had one bow at her hip and a second at her rear, upon which her Geo Vision sat. She wore black tights beneath her armoured boots.
« Wait…I know you! You're Noelle! The maid that keeps trying to be a knight! » Moxxie exclaimed.
« Holy shit, are you so desperate to become a knight that you're asking for our help? » Loona asked incredulous.
« Well…they do say that desperate times call for desperate measures…» Noelle replied. « I... If it's not too much trouble... could I ask you for some guidance on my Chivalric Training? »
« Well, normally this is the time where we demand money, but considering how the both of you are in desperate need of therapy, and therapy costs muneh, you get a freebie, kid. »
« …They need therapy? » Mona asked incredulous.
« I mean Bennett is suffering from some pretty serious chronic depression, while Noelle here is obsessed with the Knights of Incompetence. So yeah, they could REALLY use it. » Loona replied.
« …Y'know…when you put it THAT way…» Noelle noted.
« Suddenly REAL glad for all those medicines from Liyue Katheryne gave me…» Bennett added.
« The real one or the simulation one? » Blitzo asked concerned.
« Uh…the real one? Don't you know that each of the Seven Nations has its own Katheryne? » Bennett replied.
« …Oh god this IS a simulation! » Blitzo despaired.
« Wait, Katheryne gave you meds? And she didn't bother to warn you about our psychotic tendencies!? » Moxxie exclaimed.
« I mean, she did but…at this point, it's not like my luck could go any lower….» Bennett replied.
« Enough depression! Even if it's a freebie, we have a job, boy! And we must complete it without any major repercussions to Mondstadt! » Blitzo declared, before he and Loona busted out laughing. « But seriously, let's keep the explosions to a minimum. I think Jean is turning feral… »
« Actually… I'd like to get your opinion on something. » Noelle asked.
« Sure, what's up? » Blitzo asked.
« I've been keeping up with my maidly duties and knightly exercises. » Noelle explained. « But training progress has been a little slow...»
« Maidly duties? » Loona asked.
« Uh... it's really all just cleaning and tidying... Roughly every other day, I do a major clean-up for the Knights of Favonius. » Noelle explained. « Under the beds, the windowsills... nothing can be left out. The smallest corners are the most likely to gather dust. There are also all kinds of smaller domestic tasks, like preparing Captain Kaeya's eye patch, and helping Ms. Lisa keep her bookshelves in order. »
« How much are you getting paid for all of that shit? » Blitzo asked concerned.
« Probably getting paid better than me. » Mona complained.
« Wasting all of your money in astronomy shit doesn't mean you're getting a bad pay. » Moxxie shot back annoyed.
« I'm an astronomist FIRST, and a secretary for convenience. » Mona replied.
« What about your Knightly exercises? » Bennett changed the subject.
« Y'know, just basic strength and endurance training... 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, 100 squats...» Noelle explained. « And running two laps around Mondstadt as a morning routine. I'm actually incredibly busy every day. It's just that... I always feel like something's missing. »
« Maybe a fucking break, for example? » Blitzo shot back.
« A break? » Noelle asked.
« Miss Noelle, you're pushing yourself too much! It's not good for you! » Anna explained concerned.
« How has your body not pulled the plug yet!? How are your muscles still in one piece after no rest whatsoever!? » Moxxie exclaimed.
« Ignore what I said earlier, boy! I'm taking executive decisions, and we're getting this chick some fucking rest. » Blitzo exclaimed.
« Rest? But... I've still got so much work to do. » Noelle sighed. « Besides... I'm still not skilled enough. Any free time that I get should be spent training. If I want to become a real knight soon, I have to continue to put in more effort than the others. »
« Your. Body. Is. THIS! FUCKING! CLOSE! To collapsing! » Moxxie had to basically spell it out to her.
« But... time is precious... if I rest...» Noelle tried to argue with the Imp. « I'll feel guilty...»
« Let's see how "guilty" you'll feel when you're going to collapse from a heart failure! » Blitzo shot back.
« Besides, if you're too busy, you won't have time to reflect on your progress and goals. » Anna added.
« Ohh... I really hadn't thought about that...» Noelle noted.
« Glad you finally fucking get it. » Blitzo replied.
« Resting... for the sake of training... » Noelle mumbled. « Ohhhh... so that's why Ms. Lisa always has afternoon tea in the library... Or why that bard ate that funny dust on that piece of bread…»
« Oh you mean the femboy? Oh no we gave him cocaine. » Blitzo replied.
« ….What? »
« It's a spice. » Millie shrugged.
« Spice of life. » Loona added.
« We had some laying around to make some coke toast and Blitzo handed it to him as a prank, and we ended up having a bad day. » Moxxie explained. « I mean it started as a good day for the guy, very productive day, but then…it wasn't…»
« Anyway, let's forget about that, and have some fun in Mondstadt, shall we? » Blitzo changed the subject.
« Tea? » Anna proposed.
« Sounds like a plan! » Bennett replied.
« Oh! O—Okay » Noelle replied, as the group headed to Mondstadt, leaving Mona to deal with paperwork.
«…I wouldn't mind some coke toast… »
Xxxxxxx
The group had reached the Good Hunter, and were relaxing with some tea.
« Ya see, honey? How nice it is not having your abdominal muscles trying ta strangle ya? » Blitzo commented.
« I suppose it is…» Noelle replied.
Suddenly, however, a girl reached the group. « Noelle- »
« B—Bea...? » Noelle looked at the girl worried. « What happened? Is there something I can help you with? »
« Quinn! He's ignoring me again...» the girl, Bea, replied.
« Take your time, no rush. I'm here to help. » Noelle replied.
« I...noticed Quinn was in a bad mood, so I wanted to call him over for a chat...» Bea whimpered. « And... a date, I guess. »
« So you want to fuck the guy, is that it? » Blitzo asked.
« Sir! A little bit of a gentle touch, maybe? » Moxxie exclaimed.
« W-well… I've been over to him several times today already... But no matter how I try to make conversation, he just focuses on his stall and ignores me completely! » Bea replied embarrassed. « Noelle, everyone in Mondstadt thinks you're really cute... You must be really popular, right? Can you help me out...?»
« Ah! Of... of course! It's a maid's responsibility to help the residents of Mondstadt! » Noelle replied. « It's just... I... I don't have any experience in this area... »
« That, and she's on a fucking break. » Blitzo added.
« Sorry, but as a maid of Favonius, I can't stand idly by when people are in need.» Noelle replied. « I'll do some serious planning and make sure we can have a day off together another time! »
« That's not how the force works! YOU're supposed to have a fucking break! » Moxxie shot back.
« Look, let's just help this chick out so we can get you to rest for five fucking minutes. » Blitzo replied.
« Oh! Thank you! » Noelle replied.
« Right, so how the hell do we get the attention of a horse lover… » Blitzo pondered.
« How would a chick catch your attention? » Moxxie joked.
« Not THAT over fixated on horses, thank you. » Blitzo replied annoyed.
« Bea said that Quinn always seems busy and ignores everything she says... » Noelle pondered. « But... I know that she's often looking for small talk with Quinn... »
« ...So Quinn feels that Bea has nothing important to say to him...» Bennett hypothesized.
« That's... a possibility! In other words... we just need to make Quinn realize that this time is different. » Noelle exclaimed. « For example... by sending him a little gift. Even Quinn would realize the difference a gift would bring! But what kind of gift...? »
« Gems? »
« Diamonds? »
« Gold? »
« Crystal meth? »
Everyone looked at Blitzo with a deadpan expression. « What? It's a crystal! »
« We no longer have it…» Anna replied.
« Not since the Venti incident…» Moxxie added.
« Well I'm out of ideas… » Blitzo replied.
« What about some Grilled Fish? » Bennett proposed.
«….Are you retarded, boy? » Blitzo asked incredulous.
« Why do you keep calling me boy? » Bennett asked.
« 'Cus it's funny. »
« Anyway, I surely wouldn't mind some fresh Grilled Fish myself! » Bennett explained.
« Well it's worth a shot. If it fails, it's on you Bennett. If it works, it's on you Noelle. » Blitzo replied, before handing a Grilled Fish to Beatrice..
« Uh... Mondstadt Grilled Fish... for Quinn? » Bea commented. « I have often said that I would bring him lunch... Would this really work? »
« Well it would had been better if you just told him how ya feel, but knowing yer Anime types, that would mean a new geological era at best…» Blitzo replied.
« Well, since it's your recommendation, I'll give it a try! » Bea replied, as she went off.
« I hope Quinn understands Bea's intentions...» Noelle commented. « And I hope we were a help this time... »
« Give them 500 episodes of filler, and perhaps they'll start SOMETHING…» Blitzo casually replied. « Anyway, not our problem. NOW, we rest. Is that clear? »
« Mm... apologies, by the way. I said we would take a break and ended up bothering you. » Noelle replied. « Oh! If you're peckish, just let me know. I can whip something up for you right away! »
« Time off. NOW. » Blitzo threatened the girl.
« Yessir. » a terrified Noelle replied.
« Good. Now we're talking. » Blitzo replied.
« Uhm…actually…could I make a request? » Noelle asked.
« Now what? » an annoyed Blitzo replied.
« In your next adventures, could you bring me with you? That way, I might get some experience….» Noelle proposed.
« Free internship, huh? Well, besides all the explosions that we sometimes cause, I'm sure working for us will look good on your portfolio. » Blitzo replied.
« Well, if you ever have a Knight Exam, perhaps I shouldn't be there. My bad luck could screw everything up…» Bennett replied.
« Okay, boy, YOU NEED TO CHILL! »
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoy this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you to the next update!
