Is that what people think of me? That I betrayed what I believed in and the Alliance? That I'm replacing my friends? Jane pondered to herself as she made her way through the Normandy. I wasn't expecting seeing Kaidan to be pleasant, but I didn't think he'd say those things to me. And what did he mean when he accused Garrus of not just being my friend? Those two looked like they were ready to throw punches at each other before I intervened. Dammit, I need a drink. She thought to herself and headed to the bar in Port Observation.
No one's here. Perfect. Jane felt relieved when she peeked her head in and saw it was empty. She sat down and poured herself a drink. She was halfway through it, when Joker and Garrus sat down next to her. Joker immediately brought up the mission and asked her how she was feeling. She told him that Kaidan moved on and she didn't blame him, then admitted that she didn't even think of contacting him to tell him she was alive. Now that I think of it, I don't think it was because of Cerberus I didn't contact him. I was so caught up with being reunited with Garrus and stopping the collectors, it hadn't even crossed my mind. Does that mean I've moved on too? Or were my feelings for him real to begin with? Ugh. This is giving me a headache. She silently pondered to herself. Joker then made a quip about if she needed someone to talk to, that he heard Chambers was good at that stuff. Of course, Jane thought, did I really expect him to stay serious? She made a comment about him reminding her that she died. He stammered about it and started pouting. Serves you right, ass. She thought but then they got interrupted when Zaeed and Grunt showed up. Garrus, Zaeed, and Grunt decided to swap battle stories. Jane normally would've chimed in, but she wasn't in the mood and decided to let the boys have their fun.
After a few hours, Zaeed invited Grunt to look at his weapons and Joker said he needed to get back to the cockpit. She and Garrus sat in silence for a few minutes, then Jane chugged what she had in her glass and started pouring a new one when she spoke up. She asked if she screwed up and if he thought she was betraying everything she believed in. He reminded her that she told him they were using Cerberus for their resources, so they could help people and told her to forget what Kaidan said. She told him she understood why Kaidan was angry but didn't think he'd say the things he did. I mean, I did die when I was with him and never even thought to tell him I was brought back, but did I betray him or did I want him to move on? Jane thought to herself while she took a drink. She then asked if Garrus thought she was using Grunt as a replacement for Wrex. She admitted to herself that he enjoyed fighting as much as Wrex did, but thought that was just a krogan thing. Wrex felt more like an older brother and Grunt feels more like an adopted son to me, she told herself. He told her no, that they had Grunt because of who he was and not because of who they're missing. She thanked him and told him it wasn't just for the talk, but told him she appreciated him sticking up for her on Horizon. She took the opportunity to ask him what was going on between him and Kaidan. He looked puzzled and asked her what she meant. She brought up that Kaidan said some things and mentioned that she'd never seen Garrus so ready to hit someone like that before. Garrus looked like he stiffened up for a moment but then he told her it was complicated and said he couldn't stand Kaidan saying the stuff he said to her. He also said Kaidan was so caught up with hating Cerberus to realize she put her feelings aside to help other people. He told her that no matter how angry Kaidan was, he had no right to say those things. She asked if he really meant that and asked why he never questioned her about being alive. He told her that by the time she had arrived, he had been fighting mercs for over a day with no sleep. He admitted he thought he was either dead or dreaming, but knew it was real when he woke up in the medbay with his scarred face. He then confessed that he regretted not staying with her and when he found out she was dead, he realized he lost his greatest and only friend. She felt her face light up. He really thinks that highly of me? Lots of people praise me for taking down Saren and Sovereign but he's seen me at my darkest and most vulnerable and he still thinks highly of me? Jane thought as she felt elated by his words and asked if he really meant it. He told her he did and asked if she remembered when he said he had his own team. He told her they were trying to make Omega a better place for civilians, like she taught him. His face darkened and then he told her they'd been betrayed by a turian named Sidonis. That he got everyone killed except Garrus and that he had given up until she showed up. She didn't know what to say so she put her hand on his and told him she was sorry. He looked a little surprised but then told her he was telling her that because he'd never leave or betray her again, that he made that promise to himself when he woke up on the Normandy. Jane's eyes widened with shock, she never thought Garrus betrayed her. She stammered that he didn't and she never thought he did and admitted she was hurt when he cut her off and she was about to tell him that she was just happy he's with her now but he interrupted her and thanked her but said it felt like he did and he never wanted to feel like that again. She took the opportunity to tell him she's glad he's there with her now and that she didn't think she could do their mission without him. She instinctively squeezed his hand slightly and smiled when he looked at her. They sat there looking at each other a few moments until she felt herself start to blush. She removed her hand and turned her head in an attempt to hide her face. She nervously got up and rubbed the back of her neck. She made the excuse that she needed to get some rest for their mission the next day and wished Garrus a good night before leaving.
Real smooth, Jane. You idiot. She thought to herself as she made her way to her cabin. When she got there, she fed her fish and Carn, then noticed she had messages on her padd. When she went to check, she saw it was from Kaidan.
"Shit. Is he going to go off on me some more? Well, might as well see what it says." She said to herself as she opened it. Kaidan apologized for what he said on Horizon and that he had spent the last two years trying to move on and that it took him a long time to get over his guilt for surviving. He then wrote that everything came crashing when he saw her standing in front of him but she was with Cerberus. That he didn't really know who either of them were anymore. He brought up the night before they got to Ilos and said it meant everything to him and maybe it meant as much to her but a lot had changed and he couldn't ignore that. He then told her to be careful, that he'd lost too many people. And that if she was who he remembered she was, she'd find a way to stop the Collectors but warned her not to trust Cerberus. He then put that maybe when things settled down that maybe but didn't finish the sentence and ended it with telling her to take care. She closed the message with a sigh and looked at the picture of him on her desk.
"You take care of yourself, Kaidan." She said as she put the picture face down.
She then laid on her bed and remembered what Garrus told her about putting her feelings aside about Cerberus in order to help the colonists. She instinctively put her hand over her abdomen where she had a scar from the thresher maw attack years ago. I do hate Cerberus but these colonies need help. Maybe if someone had helped Mindoir sooner, my family would still be alive. She thought to herself as she looked at her photo of her parents on the bedside table. She sighed as she hadn't thought about Mindoir or Akuze since she was brought back. Carn jumped up on her bed to curl up next to her and she fell asleep petting him.
