"Down with the pigs. Down with the pigs."
They sat in a back booth in an empty diner, laughing their heads off recalling the guy in the hippie van and the black bird in the back of it. An old woman, exiting the restroom, gave them a dirty look and scolded them for insulting the police, obviously having missed the beginning of their conversation.
"That bird was right about you, but I didn't deserve it." Pete was trying hard to keep a straight face as he blamed Jim for the myna bird's insults.
"Oh no, you were the one that stopped that VW van, not me." It was just like Pete to try and get the best of a story and Jim was having none of it. "You had it coming."
"I gave the guy a break, so the bird was talking to you." Pete crossed his arms over his chest giving Jim one of the TO looks that used to make his friend sweat down to his socks, as if that settled the whole thing. It seemed to stump Jim for a moment, until he noticed that Pete couldn't keep a straight face. "Okay, neither one of us deserved it."
After settling things at the church, the two friends felt the need to reminisce about their years riding together. They started with the funny times on the job: Boom Boom Brinkman, the lady with the cantaloupe that Pete gave a nickel to in order to stop two women arguing, the pumpkin pursuit, Mac's boots, the football widow who broke a portable television, Arthur, the perfume lady with her poltergeist and Harvey.
They spared a moment for some of the sadder incidents: Charlie Phelps, Stenzler, Art McCall, Benji and his father in the alley. However, the two men didn't want to dwell on those things. Soon it was back to Uncle Ed, Marilyn, and a thermos full of Margaritas.
The two hours passed quickly, with Pete finally calling it quits in order to go home and get some sleep. He was halfway out of the booth when Reed grabbed his arm to stop him. "You're not leaving yet, there's one more story you need to tell."
"Me?" Pete knew darn well what Jim wanted to hear, but he'd kept the secret of what happened on that date with Penny Lang for so long. "Another time Partner, okay?"
He got a shake of Jim's head in response. Before answering, Pete demanded to know why Jim was asking now. He slumped back into the booth after hearing that Miss Lang was back in town and bad mouthing him. "Alright but, you will not make any comments while I tell you what happened and you have to swear to not tell a soul. Agreed?"
Reluctantly, Jim agreed to the conditions, having decided that knowing and keeping it a secret was better than forever wondering. Any other night, Pete would probably refuse, but not this night.
"I wore my best suit, tie, cufflinks, the whole bit. She was dressed in a slinky red dress that was fastened behind her neck. Penny wanted an early dinner before the show. I let her pick the restaurant because I didn't want her to complain that I went cheap on the meal. We dined at Edwardos', where she ordered surf and turf, along with a very expensive wine. She seemed disappointed when I didn't complain about the expense. Most of the conversation consisted of her asking about my history; where I grew up, that sort of thing." Pete put up a finger to shush Jim. "No, I did not tell her the truth because it's none of her business. All I needed was for her to search the Seattle phonebook for my parents.
After dinner we saw a touring production of "Promises, Promises". Orchestra seats, third row center. Cost me an arm and a leg, but then that was the point of her choices. Then we went out for drinks and dancing. I was having a good time, even if my wallet wasn't.
I took her back to her apartment. Penny had someone darken the living room, there were candles on the balcony by her bed and a bottle of chilled champagne on the coffee table. Being a gentleman, I couldn't refuse a little drink, could I? After the champagne, she pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed me. As she did this, she pulled on the strings around her neck. The next thing I knew, her dress was on the floor."
Pete paused the story for a moment for Jim to pull his eyes back into his head and close his mouth. "Don't give me that look. There's more." Jim was about to say that he didn't need to hear the rest when Pete continued.
"She took me by the hand and invited me up to her bed. Which is what this whole deal was about to begin with. I pulled my hand back and said:
'There isn't enough penicillin in the world to make me go up there and become another notch on your bedpost.'
She threw her drink in my face, I tossed what was left of mine on her, walked out and slammed the door. I never heard from her again."
Jim was laughing so hysterically that he fell out of the booth. Once he stopped laughing, Jim looked up from the floor at his best friend. "You almost had me, but you made that up, didn't you?"
"I swear to you, it is the truth. Remember your promise."
