AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a sort-of revival of an old fanfic by the user The Swordslinger. It was a 3-shot commission, but only two chapters were released, and then eventually taken off as the user disappeared. I don't know what happened, but I managed to salvage the fanfic and figured that the A Loud Among Demons community deserved to have this in their collection. To anyone who remembers the old fic, you might notice as you read these two chapters that I made numerous revisions, particularly with the grammar.
Also, keep in mind that this fanfic was written when Helluva Boss only had season one completed, so think of this fic taking place some time after the Spring Broken episode. Also also, I have no plans to complete the third and supposed final chapter of this 3-shot because I have no clue as to how this fic was supposed to end, which is a shame, I know. The Swordslinger, if you manage to find this, please know that I'm not trying to steal your thunder or work, I just didn't want this entertaining off-canon story to be lost to time.
To everyone reading this, enjoy the fic.
PRIDE RING, Imp City Streets
"You know, out of all the places for children to grow up, Hell is definitely not the ideal location," Lincoln said to the readers. "Even if you were born here, that doesn't keep you safe from the horrors that surround you. Violence, arson, larceny, and a whole bunch other crimes I still don't fully understand… nor do I ever want to. Things sure do happen down here, but thankfully, I have some very considerate coworkers helping me live in relative safety," explained Lincoln. "'Relative' being the operative word here."
"Just remember, kiddo, no ass-kissing," advised Blitzø, who was currently driving the company's van with his employees, "Last thing you want is the smell of cloaca lingering on your tongue, and I mean the smell alone. You do NOT want to know about the taste!"
"… That's my boss, not my coworker," said Lincoln, looking to the fourth wall with a deadpanned expression.
"Blitz! Language!" shouted an outraged Millie, one of the several legitimate boons in Lincoln's new life.
"Oh, come on, Mills!" Blitzø snapped back. "This is advice that can help him avoid getting things diddled that should be mine to wiggle into!"
Moxxie, ever the voice of reason and sanest (relatively speaking) of the group, as well as another positive in Lincoln's new life, groaned as he pinched the equivalent to the bridge of his nose, "With all due respect, it's obvious that the prince has no ill will towards Lincoln. Malice gracious alive, we've been through this already... "
"Yeah, I'm safest with Stolas as long as his wife is out, and she's been and will be for a while," said Lincoln.
"Listen, if he tries to hook you up with that daughter of his, just know it's to get closer to me as a member of his twisted family," stated Blitzø.
"Blitzø! Octavia's a little too old for me! I'm still a kid!" defended Lincoln hotly.
"If you somehow manage to resist warm, feathery bodies rubbing against your own, that'll make you a man of strength," continued Blitzø. "But since your study buddy is a finely-structured and hormonal teen while you're reaching puberty, you better bet your ass biscuits I'm betting on you being a whipped bitch."
"Don't listen to him, sugar," Millie reassured, holding Lincoln's cheeks with a smile. "Just be yourself and have fun learning new spells. Oh, extra points if you can use a new one for crops. There's a few plants I wanna send to Ma and Pa back in Wrath."
"I'll keep it in mind," said Lincoln with a grin.
Even though his coworkers were hardcore killers, it was relieving for Lincoln that they had a heart, "Let mama know if they try to touch you anywhere funny and I'll turn that prince into a leather pillow by reaching down his throat and pulling him inside out!"
Or whatever the equivalent of a heart is in this pit of eternal suffering and violence.
"That's, uh… nice, honey," said a slightly aroused Moxxie, enticed by his wife's colorful description for violence as always. "But I think Lincoln can handle himself well enough. He is the Man With The Plan, after all, and his plans served us well in so many of our missions."
"Except when it doesn't," refuted Blitzø. "Especially when you can't even make the names of your plans short, sweet, and to the point! I might as well make it company policy that you come up with shorter names for your operations!"
"Let me guess," continued Lincoln, anticipating Bltizø's incoming joke as he would his sister, Luan. "Or else that's gonna be a pay deduction?"
"… you really gotta take the wind out of my sails, huh, intern?" grumbled a pouting Blitzø.
"Maybe if you weren't driving that joke into the ground long after it ran its course," said Moxxie.
"Hey, it's the second-best thing in life next to making fun of your smoothie brain and one-inch-punch-pecker!" replied Blitzø cheekily.
"It's the little pleasures that bring joy in life, I see," Moxxie remarked with a growl.
"And what little pleasures you can bring to bed, HA!"
Before Moxxie could so much as take a breath to retort, Lincoln quickly placed a hand on his shoulder and said, "Don't give him ammo, Moxxie. He feeds off it."
"Like a meth whore in a basement crack lab," added Blitzø as he parked the van at the entrance to Stolas's mansion. "Now get going and make some magic, intern. And remember, if it's worth more than your human house, you steal it!"
"Not gonna happen," uttered Lincoln, exasperated by his boss's antics.
"Just remember to have fun, sweetie," said Millie sweetly.
"And I'll check on the plant-related spells for you."
Millie sniffed before replying while ruffling his hair, "What did we do to deserve you?" Millie then started combing his hair back to the way it was.
"Do keep an eye vigilant for Lady Stella," Moxxie chimed in. "Let's make sure that time she returned by surprise is the last chance she had to find you."
"Guys, I'll survive," Lincoln assured, while feeling warm inside at his coworkers' parental behaviors. Despite being Hellborn, the imps had proven to be the most loving parental figures Lincoln had seen ever since being stuck down in Hell. Even his other coworker and his boss were well-meaning in their own odd ways that Lincoln couldn't help but endear himself towards them.
Case in point with his boss, as he advised, "Don't let that fancy rich dipshit know about your family up top, cause I guarantee he'll want to expand his by using his daughter."
"Again, not gonna happen, Blitzø," replied a deadpanned Lincoln.
"You sure you don't wanna take a combat knife with you?" fretted Millie. "Or at least this gun to be like David Steele?"
"I'll be fine," said Lincoln as he made his way to the mansion.
"Oh, that boy makes a woman worry," Millie said worriedly.
"He'll be back with us before you know it, honey," reassured Moxxie soothingly, giving her an Eskimo kiss.
"Let's get out of here before my balls go back into that asshole's beak," interrupted Blitzø.
PRIDE RING, Stolas's Mansion
"Gorgeous, absolutely breathtaking…" hooted Stolas in delight to one of his carnivorous plants as he examined several tomes in his office with a smile. "Hmm, but this many deaths to get him back… Ah, no, this is a rubbish spell for body modifications."
Stolas then tossed a book into the plant's maw, which it happily devoured.
"Do you really need to get rid of books that way, dad?"
Stolas turned his head around a full 180 to see his daughter, who was also doing some research to help a certain human boy.
"I'm sorry, Via, but the frustrations of research require stress relief, and feeding my darling plants provides just that."
"Please don't tell me the other option involves that red dick-stain," groaned Octavia, shuddering at the thought of him.
"Sadly, not until the next full moon," sighed Stolas. "Until then, feeding my plants an extra snack of useless books will make do. After all, some of these books have much better and more advanced counterparts in my private archives. It is good to do a little spring cleaning every now and then."
"Wasn't spring break a while ago?" called a voice suddenly. Both Stolas and Octavia turned to the source and saw, to their joy, Lincoln. "Oh, sorry for not announcing myself."
"It's alright, dear boy," said Stolas, smiling at the human. "Although it is a shame not to see my Blitzy, I am delighted to see you here, eager to learn more."
"Of course," said Lincoln, beaming. "It's always fun to learn more magic."
"And we're still looking for a way to break your curse," said Octavia.
Lincoln couldn't help but utter a simple, "Guys… thanks."
"Don't mention it," said Stolas. "Seeing your potential in the dark arts… Why, I might have to stay in contact with you, regardless of the outcome."
When Lincoln had first arrived here and started working at I.M.P., he would've said that he didn't want to think about Hell too much, especially with what he had experienced from the start. However, to his astonishment, he couldn't bring himself to make that same response now, for his time spent with his coworkers, boss, fellow classmate, and teacher had endeared him towards them, despite every day being a threat to his existence. So much so that Lincoln couldn't help but compare his dynamic with them to his family up top, but dialed to eleven.
'Or maybe a twelve, now that I think about it?' thought Lincoln, remembering how crazy his family's antics got.
"Well, as long as it doesn't involve murders…" said Lincoln.
"Please, I have my Blitzy for the dirty deed. Or rather, dirty deeds," chortled Stolas sultrily, making Lincoln and Octavia shiver in disgust. "Come this way, children."
As Lincoln and Octavia followed their teacher, Lincoln noticed the plant that Stolas was tending to earlier was suddenly gurgling. The enormous floral beast quivered before it spat a large wad of slime and then retreated into its pot while whimpering like a puppy. While Lincoln felt some pity for the plant, he knew Stolas's plants had a nasty habit of taking bites out of any nearby living beings, namely the employees of the mansion.
Lincoln scrunched his nose in disgust of the stench emanating from the pile of digestive fluids. After some time, he looked back at the pile and noticed an object inside it that looked like a book that was somehow intact. Grabbing a nearby watering can, he washed the fluids off the book as best as possible. With most of the fluids cleared, Lincoln read the title of the acquired tome.
"Demonic Growth Spuds?" he questioned with a raised eyebrow. Part of the cover seems to have smudges here and there, but he felt confident enough to interpret the title. Furthermore, he noticed that the interior wasn't as compromised, meaning he could salvage this tome. "Well, Millie did ask for help with plants, and since Stolas doesn't seem to want this book, I could use this for her and to learn a few other things at my own leisure."
LATER
PRIDE RING, I.M.P. Headquarters
"Sup, Linc?" said the hellhound Loona, snout-deep in her phone as usual. However, as a canine-like creature, her enhanced nose managed to pick up a rather unsavory scent. "Ugh, what's that stench on you? Putrid eggplants or did Blitzø convince you to crawl through Moxxie's underwear?"
"Hey!" shouted an outraged Moxxie. "I'll have you know that Millie and I are very thorough in cleaning our undergarments and— wait, what's that smell?"
"I thought that was the boss's new car freshener," commented Millie.
"Like he'd actually try to make the van not smell of wet dogs?"
"Hey, that's the scent of a man who loves his baby girl, and you shall not offend her!" exclaimed an offended Blitzø.
"Ewww…" groaned Lincoln and Loona in perfect unison, grimacing.
"TMI, Blitzø," continued Lincoln. "But no, I actually got a new book which Stolas didn't want."
Lincoln pulled out the newly acquired tome to show the others, to which Loona retched. "Did you find it in a dumpster behind a brothel or literally that rich asshole's cloaca? Ugh, that stench is killing my nostril. Fuck it, I'm out." With that, Loona left the lobby by hiding in the meeting room.
"Ah! Intern, I hope you realize what you've done!" chastised Blitzø.
"Sorry, Loona, I'll wash it off properly and get rid of the smell in a moment," Lincoln called at the meeting room door.
"Hmm, adequate, but I expect a heartfelt apology," criticized Blitzø.
"Wait, Lincoln," said a cautious Moxxie. "You said the prince didn't want it? Any particular reason he gave it to you instead?"
"He tossed it aside," answered Lincoln. "I saw it was about growing spuds, so I figured I get it to help with Millie's plants."
"Oh my stars!" shouted Millie, eyes sparkling in delight and giddily jumping in place. "My little man, thinking about helping me without a word. *Sniff* Oh… I need a moment or two…"
As Millie tried to control her tears, Moxxie quirked an eyebrow, "I admire your initiative, Lincoln, but are you sure you want with more shenanigans should things go awry?"
Before Moxxie could get his answer, he was interrupted by Blitzø shoving him aside into the company's meeting room.
"What Mox means is that this better be packing something good for our company if you want me to double your pay, intern."
"Blitzø, I know how to do math," groaned Lincoln. "So I know you're trying to set me up for another payment joke."
"Just let me have that, intern!" griped Blitzø. "Still, does that have any good spells for tracking our targets better? Or maybe a way to turn lead into gold?"
"Just a sec." Lincoln flipped the book open, but then winced as he scanned some pages. "Aw, dang it! Some of the pages are smudged when I washed off the plant sludge."
"What?!" snapped Blitzø. "You mean you finally worked up the balls to steal from a rich, privileged, horned-up bird and came up with nothing?!"
"Blitzø!" rebuked Millie before turning to Lincoln and rubbing his shoulders. "It's okay, baby. It's only your first theft, so it's the thought that counts."
"Um, thanks, I guess?" Lincoln replied awkwardly.
"Ughhh, if anyone needs me, don't bother unless you wanna get shot!" bemoaned Blitzø, slamming his office door shut.
"Good, that means you can get rid of that stink," commented Loona, who came back in with her nose plugged.
"Probably for the best," said Moxxie as he also entered the lobby. "Considering what usually happens to us—"
"Wait, Lincoln!" called out Millie as she flipped the tome to one of the pages that was legible enough. "Here's a spell you could try out!"
Lincoln scanned the page and read out, "Mature Harvest Spell, huh? Seems easy enough."
"Pa's gonna flip when he sees his little girl and grandson growing proper veggies in the big city!"
"I'll go get those pots and seeds you bought," said Moxxie.
"Just hurry up then, I can actually taste that smell," complained Loona, who was switching out her nose plugs with one of the company's gas masks.
A few moments later…
"Sorry for the wait, Loona," said Lincoln, preparing the tome. "Okay, here goes nothing…" His eyes glowed as a magical aura engulfed him. Aiming his hand at the pot, some of the magical energy amassed into a ball around his palm, building up more and more and— *POOF*
In a blink of an eye, the magical ball disappeared rather anticlimactically as the others stood there speechless for a couple of seconds.
"Did… did the book break or something?" asked Millie.
"I swear I read the spell correctly," muttered Lincoln, rubbing his chin as he reread a page of the tome.
"Maybe that's why Prince Stolas tossed it aside," surmised Moxxie.
"Good, then I can get rid of this," said Loona, grabbing the book with an enormous pair of pliers.
"Aw, I wanted to get Ma some great potatoes," lamented Millie.
"There, there," comforted Moxxie, patting Millie's back. "How about you, me, and Lincoln buy more seeds later at the market?"
"And we plant and grow them the old-fashioned way?" suggested Lincoln.
"Oh, stop being so sweet, you two," beamed Millie, pulling both her favorite men in for her signature bear hug.
"*Grk* It's what we do best," Lincoln choked out before finally being set free. "I'll go change real quick and *GRUCK*!"
An odd sound akin to croaking got the attention of the three demons. Everyone paused with raised eyebrows while Lincoln brought a hand to his mouth. Looking at his co-workers with wide eyes, he slowly parted his hand from his lips, but could only let out yet another croak, this time louder than before.
"*GRUUUUCK!*"
Blitzø roughly kicked his office door open with a furious snarl, adjusting his tie as he exited. "SHUT UP! I'M TRYING TO HAVE A PROPER WANK HERE!"
"Blitzø! I—!" was all Lincoln could utter before he felt pressure in his neck yet again and let out an even louder "*GRRRAAAAAAACK*!"
"… Oh boy, our intern's finally hitting puberty!" cheered Blitzø before turning to Moxxie with a smirk and poking his cheek, "See that, Mox? The boy's balls are dropping before you—"
"GAH!" screamed Lincoln before hunching over. His body then began twitching unnaturally with his bones creaking and snapping loudly.
"Ummm… is that normal for humans?"
"Lincoln! Darling! Are you—?"
"I… I feel weird and…Whoa!" gasped Lincoln, for his voice suddenly became far deeper than before. Following that was the cacophony of more bones cracking, Lincoln's body suddenly growing at intervals, and his clothes tearing as a result. Lincoln wasn't feeling any kind of pain whatsoever, but it didn't wipe the look of horror on his face, only matched by the surprise on the others. Just as the change started, it was over.
"Oh crumbs…" Moxxie breathed out with his pupils shrunk into pinpoints. "Sir, I think we should call—!"
"Already on the phone!" replied Blitzø, turning to his phone with an angered expression. "Pick up, you damn feathered ass-bucket!"
"Linc… is that you?" questioned Loona, who was circling him and subconsciously wagging her tail. "You're… uh…"
"Nobody panic!" shrieked Millie before grabbing Blitzø and shaking him. "Blitzø!"
"I'm calling him, woman!" shouted Blitzø. "It's not my fault his line's busier than a hooker at a divorce agency!"
PRIDE RING, Stolas's Garden
"Your Majesty? You have visitors," called out one of Stolas's butlers.
Spinning his head around, Stolas elatedly replied, "Ah, so soon! Since I told you no one but my Blitzy can disturb me, please tell me it's him."
While that was a partial threat, the butler answered not hesitantly, but rather baffled, "Err… I don't have the words. You might want to see this for yourself."
Initially taken back, curiosity then drove Stolas out of his office and into the lobby. Spotting his never-secret-lover, Stolas smiled widely before calling out, "Oh my, Blitzy! Did you come for—?"
"Stuff it, Stolas!" retorted Blitzø before changing expressions and facepalming. "Shit, wrong choice of words there."
"Blitzø, focus!" said the unknown human next to Blitzø whom Stolas didn't recognize. Wait a minute…
Stolas blinked once before pausing to take in the stranger's features. Combed white hair with an upward cowlick, freckles adorned his cheeks, two chipped front teeth, and a lean figure with a rather appealing athletic physique. Not downright handsome, but still quite fetching. Added with him clad in a tacky black business suit with an orange bowtie, Stolas could swear the human looked like an adult version of…
Blinking yet again, Stolas twisted his head upside down before turning up right and uttering, "… Lincoln, is that you?"
"Oh good, he thinks with the head on his shoulders and not the one between his legs," sighed Blitzø. "Yes, long story short, my intern found your trash and tried out a spell for growing potatoes, which turned him into this."
"I'm so sorry, sir," Lincoln apologized, clasping his hands. "It's just that you didn't seem to want that book, so I thought I could use it for other spells to practice."
"No, it's alright, my boy… er… this is rather strange," said Stolas, taken aback by hearing a deeper voice from the human he had taken under his metaphorical wing. "I'm going to need to see the book you used to understand the full context."
"Here," said Lincoln, happily providing the tome. "I was reading spells for growing plants since it said on the cover—"
"Oh dear, this is an outdated tome for Demonic Growth Spurts," stated Stolas.
"… Spurts… not spuds… ?" asked a horrified Lincoln before facepalming. "Dang it! Why are demonic runes so easy to confuse with a few smudges?!"
"Hmm…" said Stolas as he flipped through the tome, eyes glowing wildly before stopping at a particular page. "This one's for growing plant among other spells, yes, but…" Stolas flipped to the next page, but his eyes widened in utter horror. "Oh no… ooohhh noooo…"
Lincoln and Blitzø tensed up as they watched Stolas flip the one page a few times… before he finally separated two pages, which appeared to have been glued together by the plant's digestive slime.
"Well, butter your biscuits, sport, your ass is toast," commented Blitzø.
"Blitzø, not now!" exclaimed Lincoln. "It's already weird enough to be in this body!"
"Hey, kiddo, skipping the agony of puberty may as well be a blessing," explained Blitzø before rubbing his chin in deep thought. "Then again, you miss on the roughhousing and life experiences that shape you into a man of many mistakes. Kinda like me, but less successful and sexy."
"Lincoln, let me retrieve a few items from my office. I won't be long," said Stolas, retreating to his studies.
"Oh man, I hope this isn't permanent," moaned a nervous Lincoln. "I can't go back to my family like this. What'll they think?"
"Eh, they'll probably have the hots for you and fight each other to claim you like they did with that one British tutor you told us about," suggested Blitzø, opting to not be of help since he quit his circus days.
"… I'm gonna pretend I never heard that," stated Lincoln.
"Hey!" called a voice. Lincoln turned to see that it was Octavia, who was listening to her music on her phone loud enough to be echoing even through her earphones. "Tell dad I'm going to Stylish Occult and—" Octavia paused when she laid eyes on the two strangers to her family's mansion. "Hey, what in Hell are…?!" Octavia paused once more when she did a double take upon focusing on the adult human. Like her father, she too turned her head upside down before turning back right side up. "Lincoln? Is that you?"
"Yeah, kid hit his growth spurts a few times too many these past couple of hours," piped up Blitzø, souring Octavia's mood merely from the sight of him alone. "Kids grow up so fast these days."
"Blitzø, let me explain," Lincoln said to his boss before turning to Octavia, who not only felt her mood lighten immediately, but also felt her feathers ruffling for some reason. "I tried out a spell from one of your dad's old books and screwed up. You can guess the results from there."
"How… how long will you remain like that?" asked Octavia, rubbing her arm nervously.
"I guess that depends on how long your dad will take to find a way to reverse the spell," answered Lincoln.
"Hmm… that could take a few hours. You, uh… you wanna hang out or something?" Octavia asked awkwardly, feeling her cheeks heating up.
"Ugh, Christ on a stick," grunted Blitzø. "Alright, you buckets of hormones, go hang out at some gloomy places Looney likes like Stylish Occult or Somber Dining. I'll call you whenever Stolas is done. Might go faster if I *urk*… spend time with him."
"Are you sure?" asked Lincoln with uncertainty. "I mean, you don't seem to like spending time with Stolas."
"It's just a business fucking, nothing new to me. Now get going before I change my mind! You should be glad the deal's for every full moon, or else I'd be spending every day railing his—"
"Aaaand, we're out of here!" interrupted Octavia, grabbing Lincoln's hand and quickly dragging him along out of the mansion. It wasn't until they left that Octavia realized she was holding Lincoln's grown-up hand that she felt herself heating up even more, especially when she also realized that she'd be spending time with him… alone… together.
"M&M! Keep an eye on the intern and princess!" called out Blitzø, which rebooted Octavia's brain to disappointment.
"Hi there!" greeted Millie cheerfully.
"What happened?" asked Moxxie. "Please tell me our boss isn't—"
"Fortunately, doesn't seem like it," Lincoln answered quickly. Even with a mature body, his mind still hasn't adjusted to the willingness to understand or freely discuss the… explicit details of adult activities. "He's just going to make sure Stolas researches faster while we kill time."
Octavia didn't know whether to feel relieved that the sudden rising heating sensation had disappeared or disappointed that she couldn't indulge in the new feelings stemming from the opportunity to spend some one-on-one time with a mature Lincoln Loud. Not once had Octavia ever felt this way about anyone before, and she didn't know whether to like it or not.
PRIDE RING, Imp City Streets
"So you dating the princess now, Linc?" Loona crudely asked without missing a beat.
Octavia looked to the hellhound sitting next Lincoln in the back, snout deep in her phone and taking occasional glances at her and Lincoln. Another odd sensation arose within Octavia, though a particularly unpleasant one when she looked at Lincoln sitting next to Loona. She had heard plenty about Lincoln's hellhound coworker in the times they hung out together, and from what she'd been hearing, Lincoln not only respected Loona, but also admired her. Even before now, Octavia couldn't help but feel some envy towards her, hence the desire to make every moment spent with Lincoln during his visits count.
"Hey, we're all hanging out together until Stolas finds a way to return me to normal," answered Lincoln, who was donning a gas mask shaped like a horse's head, courtesy of Blitzø. He insisted on wearing the gas mask to keep his face hidden while they were all out and about, and since the mask still exposed Lincoln's white hair, many could easily mistake him for a demon.
"Well, I, for one, think you look amazing!" exclaimed Millie, hopping from the passenger's seat onto Lincoln's lap and ruffling his hair to change it into a stylishly, rugged, messy haircut. "Oh, my baby boy grew so fast and already looking so handsome. Oh, here comes the waterworks!"
"Millie, it's okay," assured Moxxie soothingly.
"But we all missed so many birthday parties for him and seeing him grow naturally! Hell, we don't even know when his birthday is!" shouted Millie, now suddenly realizing another crucial fact about her adopted son she had neglected. Now she couldn't help but feel like the worst mother in existence.
Loona, on the other hand, placed her index and middle fingers to her temple with a gesture like a gun before dropping her thumb like the hammer of a gun. Clearly, she didn't worry or stress about Millie's fears nearly as much, if at all.
"Somehow, I wish this was my family dynamic," commented Octavia.
"Honestly? You and me both," confessed Lincoln. He may love his family up top, but many times he felt he was very underappreciated, hence his impulsive decisions to make a name for himself that more often than not resulted in disaster. Perhaps his time in Hell had tempered that hastiness in favor of preserving his life and safety.
"So, Stylish Occult, huh?" Loona asked Octavia. "Pretty good taste for a princess. Any chance we can get something to eat?"
"We're thinking Somber Dining," responded Octavia. "I'm paying, by the way."
"I've seen Stylish Occult before, so I'm a little curious about Somber Dining," said Lincoln. "I wonder how much Lucy would like that place."
"Is she into taxidermy?"
"No, or at least, nothing I've ever seen. She's mostly into dark poetry and occultism. Oh, she also runs her own funerary service for pets and has pretty good deals for mahogany coffins for dogs."
"She sounds absolutely lovely," remarked Moxxie, smiling wholeheartedly.
PRIDE RING, Somber Dining
After dropping off Lincoln, Loona, and Octavia, Moxxie and Millie left to continue their shopping for potato seeds, although it took several minutes to convince Millie of this arrangement since she'd rather spend more time with her now-grown baby boy. The three entered the establishment and found a rather simple and almost cozy facility adorned with dark purple walls, dark red carpet flooring, and black furniture. At the far end, Lincoln saw a small stage where demons read dark poems or a band would perform.
"Yup, Lucy would definitely like it here," Lincoln remarked to the readers before rubbing his chin in contemplation. "Hmm, she'd make a killing here since this is in the Pride Ring since she'd be a sinner… man, I'm becoming as morbid as her if I'm thinking about her future career after death."
The three then took a seat at a table for three, where they were approached by a waitress, who was a moth woman in a black dress, matching stockings, thigh-high boots, and corset.
"What can I getcha?"
"I'll have the Black Coal Burger and Blood Red Fries," ordered Octavia.
"Are they really…?" Lincoln whispered to Loona.
"Nah, it's just an edible dye and spices," answered Loona before turning to the waitress. "Give me the steak, raw. And some booze."
"Uh…" uttered Lincoln, looking at the menu before responding, "I'll just have the chocolate smoothie."
Octavia, Loona, and the waitress all arched a brow as they stared at his odd and underwhelming choice.
"Dude, you got an adult body now," said Loona. "Live a little and have some liquor while you can."
"I'm not mentally there yet," replied Lincoln.
"Wow, how did a loser like you hook up with the princess?" the waitress asked rudely.
"Buzz off and get our meals," growled Octavia, frightening the waitress who quickly escaped to fulfill her duty.
"Heh, perks of high society, eh?" Loona commented amusedly.
"I've also been learning how to turn things to stone," added Octavia with a shrug.
"Please don't," pleaded Lincoln. "But thanks for defending me. Still, it's already bad enough I'm stuck with this botched spell on me, so I don't need to make more problems by getting drunk like a skunk."
"Ugh, you sure you're not some boy scout?" griped Loona. "Your goody two-shoes schtick is too much sometimes."
"Well, it's better than a typical demon's attitude," Octavia remarked, only to notice Loona slightly glaring at her. "What? Tell me I'm wrong on that."
Her defense didn't stop Loona from judgingly staring at Octavia until Lincoln spoke up, "Thanks, blending in isn't easy. Unfortunately, the mask is the only thing that fit, which is also why I asked for the smoothie. I can still drink with the mask on and nobody here can see my face."
"Do you always have a plan for everything?" questioned Loona. While she admired Lincoln's intellectual capability to plan for numerous scenarios, it was starting to get to the point that she worried for his mental wellbeing, especially since she heard how he planned this much even in his life up top.
"Seriously, you even had plans for little mud creatures the moment you saw them," added Octavia.
"Well, I don't wanna toot my own horn, but I am the team's tactician for a reason," explained Lincoln.
"Feh, you should hear his stories from up top," sarcastically remarked Loona.
"Really? Tell me more," inquired Octavia, to Loona's regret. Loona could only bite back a growl while her ears subconsciously flattened… and she hated not knowing why.
PRIDE RING, Stolas's Mansion
Blitzø was cradling his signature flintlock pistol in his arms while Stolas was skimming and tossing various books. Stolas may be a fast reader, but there are only so many books that covered a botched growth spurt spell. As such, the time it was taking Stolas to find a solution was lengthy enough to bore Blitzø, which is why he kept his eyes peeled for Stolas… literally, as he had duct tape strands pulling back on his eyelids, just in case the prince would take the chance to jump him.
"Come on, Stolas, what's taking so long?" griped Blitzø as he took a nearby watering can to pour some water on his eyeballs. "Too many fancy schmancy words giving you a boner?"
"Dearest Blitzy, I may love words, but not nearly as much as youuu~~" sang Stolas, to which Blitzø convulsed violently. "Besides, you cannot rush research, especially when our little Lincoln is involved. Oh! Here we go!" Stolas exclaimed, pulling out a book and opening its pages. "If the dear lad failed to properly read the title of such an old, outdated tome, this may shed some light on it."
"Okay, I don't say this often outside of bed, but spill it," said Blitzø.
"Ah, yes, the combination of incomplete spells leads to growth, but this one is…" said Stolas before pausing. His face immediately shifted from the pleasant smile to frozen horror, a cold chill running down his spine as could only utter, "Fuck me…"
"Hey, none of that business until the next full moon, you sack of—!" shouted Blitzø before he was silenced with Stolas's finger to his lips.
"Not now, Blitzy! We must call the children before Lincoln experiences another change," interrupted Stolas, quickly walking out of his studies.
"Another?" asked a now-worried Blitzø. "What, is he gonna keep getting older 'til he turns to dust?"
"Thankfully, nothing of the sort, but he's undergoing an accelerated process of transforming into a demon, and it's possible that this new form will affect those around him," explained Stolas, handing the tome to Blitzø to show the possible end results.
Blitzø quickly skimmed the page before his eyes also widened. "Oh… he's gonna change into a… oh… ohhhh… so, uhhhh… is it a good thing he's out with your daughter to have fun?"
"Blitzy… I love you, but for fuck's sake," sighed Stolas.
PRIDE RING, Somber Dining
Lincoln was enjoying his smoothie with a straw attached to his mask while Loona happily dug into her raw steak that was bleeding at her request in order to sample the flavor of a fresh kill. Meanwhile, Octavia lazily ate her fries one at a time, almost pecking at them like the owl she is, as she listened to more of Lincoln's stories from up top.
"…and then we had to go to our events dressed as the others," finished Lincoln, although he omitted the detail of wearing a diaper in that story. As he finished, he started to feel itchy for some reason.
"Heh, I see you're not as smart as you try to be," snarked Loona with a smirk.
"It's not like all my plans work out. It's just that more of them seem to work ever since I got stuck down here. Besides, we were all equally guilty and learned our lesson the hard way." Lincoln then started scratching his head in addition to his back. "Ugh, did some bug bite me?"
"Are you allergic to chocolate or something?" asked Octavia, slightly worried.
"No, but… rrgghh, maybe I've been wearing his mask too long."
"Maybe you didn't clean it enough," teased Loona.
"… Ew… just ew…" said Lincoln, shuddering at the sudden thought of what Blitzø could've done with a horse-head-shaped gas mask. "Okay, now I really need to wash up."
"There's a bathroom in the back," said Octavia, to which Lincoln made his way. Now it was just the her and Loona alone, sitting in awkward silence. After all, how does one break the ice when both are endeared towards Lincoln, but also heard plenty of praises of the other older sister figure that developed envious feelings in both of them?
"So…" started Octavia. "You both work together."
"… Eeyup," Loona answered simply, as she and Octavia forced a smile on their faces. "And you both study together."
"Yeah… I guess we do… and you two seem rather friendly."
"Yeah… right back at ya."
Normally, both wouldn't make this much of an effort to socialize with other people, much less each other specifically; Loona didn't have particularly high opinion of the blue-blooded princess while Octavia didn't particularly care about anyone else beyond her parents and Lincoln. But every time Lincoln talked to one of them about the other, he always spoke highly, even to the point of encouraging both of them to meet the other.
Of course, neither thought about taking up on Lincoln's suggestions despite being fond of him, especially when both saw the other as opponents for Lincoln's platonic affection. With Loona showing Lincoln how to cut loose and have fun in Hell and Octavia showing Lincoln the enticing luxuries even in a literal hellscape, both declared an unofficial and unspoken war.
Due to their connection to Lincoln, both were now forced in the same room to interact, and both feared how disappointed Lincoln would be if neither made the effort with the only chance they had after all of Lincoln's subtle-yet-not-subtle pleas. Unfortunately, it seemed that there was something more at stake than battling for Lincoln's platonic affection, for their jealousy streaks appeared to flare up greater than anticipated just by seeing the other be in close proximity to Lincoln.
Thankfully, or perhaps unfortunately, the awkward tension was interrupted by a loud, "Oh no… oh, come on!"
Lincoln burst out of the bathroom, this time without the gas mask. Instead of the adult human features from before entering the bathroom, Lincoln now had snow-white skin, his eyes pitch-black with yellow irises, a pair of white horns protruding from his head, a leathery tail from his lower back, and a pair of white wings with black streaks from his upper back. It didn't take long for Loona and Octavia to understand why they were acting the way they did, although Lincoln's distressed expression helped them in staying sober.
"Oh my…" uttered the moth waitress, feeling her neck fluff puff up. "Sweetie, if you ever need help with anything, here's my number—"
"Beat it, skank!" interrupted Loona, kicking the woman aside. She then turned back to Lincoln, somehow blushing through her fur. "Dude, what the fuck did you get into?!"
"That looks like the side effect of the spell you botched," surmised Octavia, feeling her feathers ruffle once more. "Shit…"
"So… an incubus, huh?" asked Loona awkwardly, her tail now wildly swaying. "Figured you'd be a bunny."
"This isn't the time for jokes!" shouted Lincoln hysterically, grabbing his head. "I'm freaking out here!"
"I'll pay and call dad," said Octavia, who was trying to groom her feathers back down.
As the three exited Somber Dining, Octavia was trying to contact her father while Loona was trying to contact Moxxie and Millie, although Loona was having far less luck in her objective.
"For fuck's sake, where are those two?!" growled Loona, unable to see the company van anywhere.
"Well, Moxxie did say he and Millie were buying pots and seeds," said Lincoln. "Is there a market nearby?"
"Better yet, can't you just sniff them out?" asked Octavia.
"Like I can sniff you going into heat?" Loona snapped unapologetically.
"Please don't say a word about that!" exclaimed Lincoln, surprising the other two. "I know you two are not okay because of me being an incubus!"
"Us and the last three girls who passed us, even some dudes," remarked Octavia, pulling down her beanie to cover her eyes. "Ugh, Lincoln, how did you know we were… you know?"
"I told you two about Hugh from Earth. I've seen enough to know that much," said Lincoln, groaning at the memory of his tutor and how his sisters literally fought over him, which drove him away. Not to mention, Lincoln also suffered a case of being lovestruck. "If only I can find some spell that can wipe that memory from my mind…"
"Alright, fine, let's get this done fast," grunted Loona, grabbing her tail tightly as the three made their way down the street. "Before you make more people jump each other."
"How does that even work? Even with Verosika and her group, I didn't see anyone immediately jump each other just by passing them."
"I can only make an educated guess here, but it seems like it's because you're an incubus with an untainted soul. No major sins in life like murder or adultery, or even regular adult activities like sex is what's amplifying your lust aura tenfold. You're literally so pure that this new demonic form is feeding off of it."
"So being a virgin is making him a lust magnet?" inferred Loona.
"Bluntly put, yes. Dad wasn't affected because he's far more powerful. That red dipshit boss of yours is already dick no legs. And your coworkers…"
"Ah, ah, AAAAAHHHHH!"
All three turned to the source of the noise, which emanated from a love hotel. Lincoln spotted his company's van parked in front of the building and could only guess where his parental figures are at this moment. However, as he got closer to the building, he felt immense hunger in his stomach, which growled for sustenance. When the three entered the love hotel, the gripping sensation not only increased for Lincoln, but also for Octavia and Loona.
"More! Harder! Harder already, you bitch!" a woman shouted so loud that the three could hear it from the floor above. Evidently, the three aren't the only ones affected.
"Shit, Linc, I think you're amping up the lust here!" exhaled Loona, biting her lower lip and doubling over.
"No, it's not just him," gasped Octavia, shuddering and holding both her arms.
"I… I feel so hungry…" moaned Lincoln, wincing.
"Let's get those two before it gets worse."
As the group reached the reception desk, they found a familiar red bowtie.
"This is Moxxie's…" commented Lincoln. "And this… um…" he trailed off after spotting a lacy black bra.
"Belongs to fatty's bitch," finished Loona; even she didn't need her heightened sense of smell to connect the dots.
As the group advanced deeper into the hotel, they found a trail of clothing and undergarments going up a flight of stairs, ranging from Moxxie's suit jacket to Millie's ripped tight-fitting trouser. After traversing the hallway filled with muffled sounds of moans and screams of pleasure, the trio found that the trail of clothes led to a room, but the first thing they noticed is that there was a boxer shorts and panties hanging on the doorknob. They didn't even need to listen closely to hear the moans within the room belonging to two certain coworkers… of whom Lincoln viewed as beloved parental figures.
"Well… I've always made mental notes to ask Stolas on teaching me spells to forget certain things… I'm gonna make that a priority for my next lesson, no ifs, ands, or buts about it," Lincoln remarked to the readers.
"Um… who are you talking to, Linc?" asked a confused Octavia, looking at the direction Lincoln was staring at.
"Fuck that noise, I'm not going in there!" Loona shouted adamantly before looking at her two companions. Realizing that Octavia had no stake in retrieving the two imps and Lincoln would be permanently traumatized by the sight alone, Loona could only sigh in defeat, "Fucking shit on my cunt…"
"Sorry, Loona," Lincoln weakly apologized. He then turned to Octavia to ask, "While Loona's getting them, back to the previous topic, what did you mean it's not just me doing all this?"
"For places like this, the thriving business model is hiring succubi and incubi to do what you've been doing with your aura," explained Octavia. "Nearby customers would be attracted to these love hotels like moths to a flame."
"So then my new super lust aura combined with another succubi or incubi's lust aura in this love hotel…" Lincoln trailed off, not wanting to finish his thoughts.
"Is pretty much making it mating season for everyone in this hotel," finished Octavia, shuddering once more. "Hope we can get out of here soon before this aura goes haywire."
A few minutes earlier, elsewhere in the love hotel…
In the deluxe penthouse suite, a sensational photoshoot was taking place. The shoot was definitely a sight to behold, for the main star was none other than the pop sensation Verosika Mayday herself, along with her posse. Draped in a fancy white fur coat with a frilly set of lingerie on the inside, practically nothing was left to the imagination, especially when posing for the shoot next to her fellow succubi and incubi, who were all also wearing various enticing outfits.
"Yes, yes, good! Very good, Miss Mayday!" an eel demon said happily, snapping pictures while drooling at the sight before him.
As Verosika continued making different poses for the shoot, she suddenly picked up a strange whiff. So strange, yet so familiar. She was becoming very curious, so much so that she was also getting very distracted to the point that she wasn't posing for the shoot, something the rest of her crew noticed very easily.
"V, what's up?" asked a perplexed Coco, who was wearing nothing more than a tight thong while her breasts were covered by pressing up against Apple's as they were hugging each other.
"Yeah, we're in the middle of a shoot," said Apple, who was also only wearing a thong.
"You sluts smell that?" Verosika asked, prompting the others to try to detect the familiar smell.
"Yeah," said Coco after almost a minute of sniffing. "Huh, smells like someone we know."
"Hmm. Tex!"
The entrance door to the suit opened slightly as a burly, one-eyed hellhound popped his head in. "You rang, boss?"
"Yeah, you smell something familiar?"
Vortex started sniffing the air, and due to his sense of smell being far superior to most other demons, he was able to pick up the scent quicker.
"Yeah. Actually…" said Vortex, sniffing once more with a little more effort. "Wait, I know who it is. But… why would he be in a place like this?" Although the love hotel has a penthouse suite for the wealthy and affluential, it wasn't as prosperous enough to provide higher quality beverages and condoms for its customers.
"I thought it'd be him," Verosika agreed, confused at first before slowly smiling in anticipation at the possibility of meeting Lincoln Loud again so soon after the spring break fiasco. "Still, the fact that he's here… and he is a growing boy. Maybe we should give him a VIP pass for our little show~?
The succubi in her crew cheered with enthusiastic grins, but the incubi didn't share the same sentiment.
"Dude, you're all obsessed with the shrimp," remarked Ace, wearing a thong with heart-shaped nipple pasties. "At least wait til his balls drop."
"I mean, he can't be packing much, but if that's your thing…" said Josh with a shrug, also wearing a thong but also sporting a neckerchief with wrist cuffs.
"Hey, size isn't everything!" shouted Kat indignantly, wearing a banana hammock.
"Limpdick, I'm taking a break," Verosika said to the photographer as she dressed up more, then turned to her crew. "The rest of you finish the shoot."
"But we wanna come too!" whined Apple, a sentiment shared by the rest of the succubi.
"Continue the photoshoot," Verosika sighed tiredly. "We still have a job to do. But if it's him, I'll bring him here to enjoy the rest of our little show and then some," she reassured the succubi, much to their delight.
Vortex followed the now-fully-clothed Verosika as they both made their way out to follow the possible scent of one Lincoln Loud. However, as they made their way closer to the source, they both felt the lust aura becoming stronger and more potent. This only further confused both of them since it was becoming more apparent that the smell belonged to Lincoln, yet they were also feeling the aura typical of a succubi or incubi. Not only were they feeling that aura, but the aura itself was far more powerful than one from an ordinary succubi or incubi.
"V…" Vortex uttered, hunching over and panting, to Verosika's concern. Vortex was very professional at his job, almost never breaking composure despite being surrounded by five succubi and three incubi on a regular basis, yet here he was being edged by the aura alone. If he didn't take care of this, then the situation could turn ugly fast.
"Shit… call your girl," ordered Verosika. Even she herself was feeling the lust so strongly that her vision blurred at times, so she couldn't blame Vortex for being unable to handle the increasing libido. "You need her to relieve you."
"But…"
"I can take care of myself. Besides, after the seventh asshole you punched in, things really quieted down, and I'm thinking our mystery guy here is behind that."
Vortex hesitated for a moment, but then hobbled away while leaning on a wall to call his girlfriend. Verosika almost worried that her bodyguard would immediately jump Beelzebub the moment he lay eyes on her, but alas, she had her own priorities. Walking downstairs and ignoring the increasing libido and moans of the hotel's other occupants, she entered a hall, not knowing what to expect now that Vortex was gone. The extremely high level of the lust aura would normally lead her to believe it was some high-class demon trying to muscle in on her turf or get into her panties, but as the scent clearly belonged to an innocent child like Lincoln, her confusion and curiosity was almost at an all-time high. Turning a corner, she discovered a very unusual sight that shocked her to her core.
"What the…? No fucking way…" gasped Verosika quietly, spotting none other than the Goetia heiress herself standing next to an alabaster-skinned incubus while a female hellhound walked into a room with a disconcerted expression; Verosika realized that the hellhound was the same one working for the company run by her worst ex-boyfriend. But back to the matter at hand, regarding the Goetia heiress, no demon, no matter how rich or skilled in bed, were able to score even a single night with her, yet here these two were. Taking another sniff, Verosika was able to determine that both Lincoln's scent and the lust aura was originating from the unknown incubus. Was this some kind of demon who can imitate another person's scent? Perhaps he's using this to his advantage on the Goetia heiress?
"How are you doing so far?" the incubus said to Octavia.
"Good enough, all things considered, but it's getting worse," Octavia grunted. "Let's pretend this never happened when we get out of here."
"Deal," agreed the incubus. "I think I've heard more than enough of whatever's happening here."
"Tell me about it. Will your hellhound be alright?"
"I'm gonna have to work overtime on making her coffee for the next few months for all the hangovers she's gonna get to erase this memory, especially since she goes for the cheaper drinks."
"You know what, Linc? I might have to do the same."
With that, Verosika got her confirmation that the mysterious incubus is somehow her beloved Lincoln Loud. She'd very much want to come out of her hiding spot right now, walk right up to him, and drag him into a room to have her way with him now that he appears to be fully mature in body, but she had to remember his innocent nature from their previous encounter to restrain herself from such an impulse. Lincoln may have grown his body, but she didn't want to risk the possibility of his mind not growing. Additionally, Lincoln was in the company of a member of a very powerful demonic family, which would cause more trouble for her if she didn't tread carefully. Instead, she settled for eavesdropping some more to learn any additional crucial information while pulling out a phone (that was silenced, thankfully) to snap some pictures of the now-grown Lincoln Loud.
"I'm afraid to ask, but is there a quicker way to deal with the lust aura?" asked Lincoln.
"Well, there are two," answered Octavia hesitantly. "The first way… you're still too mentally young for that. The second way is to have a demon transfer their energy to you. And given how strong your lust aura is, you need energy from a very powerful demon with plenty to spare… as you can imagine, I don't have a lot to spare…"
"Hey, give it time," Lincoln encouraged sympathetically. "You're still learning a lot and there's plenty of time for you to get stronger. And you're still pretty far ahead of me in learning spells."
"Heh, says the naturally-talented hottie who's become my dad's first-ever personal pupil," said Octavia, licking her beak. Once she realized what she said, her eyes snapped wide open before she pulled her beanie so far down that her whole head was covered. "Fuck!"
"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Lincoln said quickly, blushing. "I wonder how much longer your dad will take to find a cure."
Right on cue, a bright light shone behind them, which formed into a portal. Out stepped Stolas himself, followed closely behind by Blitzø.
"I wish I could tell you that I found one," said Stolas before doing a double-take on the sight of Lincoln. "Oh… my boy… did you… did you do something with your hair?"
"Please, I'm not in the mood for jokes now," begged Lincoln, who felt unsettled when he detected a slight pink tint on Stolas's cheeks.
Blitzø took a quick sniff before exclaiming, "Hoo-ee! There's a lot more lust here than a typical frat house! This your doing, intern? Didn't think you had it in ya."
"I said no jokes about this, please! Octavia, Loona, and I are having a hard time dealing with this! And Moxxie and Millie are having it worse!"
"Man, I'm almost glad I dated that whore Verosika. The key to shrugging this off is experience with a dick like mine, but I'll be damned as a sinner if I let my Looney get around like that."
Verosika scowled in fury when Blitzø arrived, but she was almost frothing after hearing that slight against her. Still, she took consolation in the fact that even Blitzø's cheeks were slightly glowing at the sight of Lincoln's new form, proving that Blitzø wasn't as resilient as he boasted.
"I did not need the mental images," welched Octavia, her face scrunching in disgust.
"Hmhmm, speak for yourself, princess," giggled Stolas. "But you, my dear boy, are being quite naughty without trying. Allow me to help you with that." Stolas placed a finger on Lincoln's forehead before it glowed with magical energy. Soon, Lincoln was enveloped in that glow for some time as he felt like his stomach was being filled, thus satiating his growing hunger until the light around him dimmed. After the light show, everyone suddenly felt as light as air, as though they were no longer shouldering a heavy load. Feeling refreshed and no longer hungry, Lincoln could only let out a huge sigh of relief as he leaned against the wall.
"Holy fuck, I feel so refreshed," sighed Octavia, happy to feel normal like earlier today. That is, until she looked at Lincoln again… and felt her cheeks light up. "Oh, fuck me…"
"Now, now, dear, he may be quite the catch, but please be courteous enough to take him out to dinner first," quipped Stolas, which Octavia glared at him for. "Now, young Lincoln, this should help you keep your lust aura under control for the time being. Unfortunately, what I've discovered about this failed spell mishap… I have good and bad news about it."
"Just lay it all on me, sir," said Lincoln anxiously.
"The good news is that the form is temporary," Stolas reassured. "You should return to normal after some time has passed. The bad news… it'll be quite a while until then."
"How long are we looking at?"
"Well… one, or… possibly two moons, give or take."
Lincoln stood in awkward silence, as did everyone else in anticipation of Lincoln's reaction. After about a minute, Lincoln hunched over with a defeated expression and only let out his catchphrase, "Dang it…"
"Hey, look on the bright side!" interjected Blitzø with a wide smirk. "Now you can get into the adult joints and have all the fun that kids can't because it'll scar them for life!"
"Does he ever stop talking?" growled Octavia.
"Only when his mouth is busy with my—" said Stolas before he was interrupted by Loona kicking open the door to the room occupied by Moxxie and Millie.
"If anyone needs me, I'm gonna punch the nearest asshole outside!" snarled a livid Loona, stomping her way out of the love hotel. After Loona left, Moxxie and Millie slowly made their way out, flushing with embarrassment and guilt as both covered their bodies with a blanket.
"Let's… just get back to the office," said Moxxie, coughing into his fist.
As Verosika observed the whole exchange, she slowly snuck away with several ideas forming in her head in light of Lincoln's new development.
PRIDE RING, I.M.P. Headquarters
"Well, some hard lessons were learned once more, story of my life," Lincoln groaned while pinching the bridge of his nose. "Moxxie, Millie, I'm so sorry about all this."
"Don't be, sweetie!" exclaimed Millie, beaming with pride. "Mox and I had some of the best time of our lives thanks to the added lust. In fact, I might even be giving you a little sibling!"
"Millie!" shouted a flustered Moxxie.
The group had reconvened at the company's lobby to decide on the next course of action now that Lincoln had to spend a lengthy time in his new body. Loona had taken the time to retrieve some cheap booze from the fridge and guzzle down its contents to cope with what she had to witness earlier. Of course, the conversation between Lincoln, Moxxie, and Millie weren't helping matters.
"So this is where you work," Octavia commented, taking in her surroundings. "It's more of a shithole than I imagined."
"Hey, princess, this is a shithole with style and character, so buzz off!" retorted Blitzø hotly.
"I find this office quite quaint," Stolas giggled. "Now Lincoln, a sex demon does need to feed regularly, but I know you're uncomfortable with feeding the direct way." Everyone, even Blitzø, cringed at the thought of Stolas's remark, especially Millie. "Thus, you need only to contact me and I'll provide the sustenance needed with magical energy alone, lest you experience further shenanigans like today."
"Thanks," said Lincoln. "But then there's the chance of your wife learning about my existence—"
"Nope, I'm out of this conversation!" interrupted Octavia. "I'm gonna get one of your booze!"
"Well, Stella could definitely use some stress relief, but she's not someone you'd want in bed," advised Stolas. "I still have a few marks from our honeymoon."
"Huh, that explains the butt scars," observed Blitzø.
Everyone but Lincoln shivered in disgust, as Lincoln just stood still, frozen in shock. Octavia made a finger gun gesture to her head as she was guzzling down her own bottle of cheap booze while Loona gave her own bottle to Blitzø, who also proceeded to guzzle down the content to wipe his memory of the thought of Stolas and his wife going at it in bed.
Finally, Lincoln snapped out of his stupor to stutter, "I-I… I was just pointing out that it'd be bad for all of us if she found out I exist. Stolas and Octavia would get into a lot of trouble, this company would go down under, and I don't even wanna know what the higher ups would do to me."
"… Oh," was all everyone could say, realizing their mistake because their minds were in the gutter despite Lincoln being involved in the conversation.
"Way to go, princess," chastised Blitzø. "Your guttered mind gave my intern and your best friend some mental scars."
"What—?! But—! You—!" stammered an outraged Octavia. If looks could kill, nothing of Blitzø would be remaining where he stood, not even a single atom.
"My condolences, princess," Moxxie consoled. "You're not the only one he infuriates."
"Anyhow, Lincoln," said Stolas. "Why don't you enjoy your new status as a demon? You've barely any chance to explore more of Hell as a living human, but now you need not hide yourself as much."
"Oh, that's a great idea, Your Highness!" blurted Millie, grabbing Lincoln's hand. "We could show you my favorite mall! Or we could show you where Mox and I met and dated! Oh! Oh! Oh! We could definitely go watch a movie or have family fun at an arcade!"
"Won't it be weird since I look about your age?" asked Lincoln.
"Please, Lincoln, I doubt any other demons here in Imp City would care," said Moxxie, who appeared to be slightly sloshed after having a few drinks of his own after hearing Stolas's anecdote about Stella. "Only way it'd be weird is if you weren't armed. You could say we're your bodyguards."
"Oh, does that bring back fond memories," Stolas reminisced.
"Hey, that was a one-time gig!" reminded Blitzø.
"Which you fucked up terribly," Octavia bitterly recalled. "Although it was fun to see that clown and that damned park burn to the ground.
"My point still stands," continued Stolas. "You should have some fun! And don't forget to see me if you start getting hungry."
"Well, I have been curious to see more of Hell," Lincoln said thoughtfully. "Plus, I… have been getting a little stir crazy just staying here almost all day every day."
"EEEEEEE!" Millie squeed loudly as she took Lincoln by the hand and dragged him along out of the office. "We're gonna fix that right now!"
Moxxie followed closely behind, happy at the prospect of spending off-duty time with his wife and coworker but also concerned at the possible hijinks that would ensue. As the three left, Stolas hummed in deep thought with a finger and thumb under his beak, something Octavia took notice of.
"What's up, dad?"
"Hmhmhm," chortled Stolas amusedly. "That boy has such promise in the dark arts, it is terrifyingly amusing. He already shows promise as a child, and I can only surmise that this new growth will speed up the process of unleashing his true potential. Even you nearly succumbed to his lust aura, despite the fact that the boy was hardly trying." Octavia could only groan and glare at her father, though her feathers ruffled slightly at the memory. "Tell me, how many would-be suitors have attempted the same, but failed miserably?"
Octavia was quick to open her beak to retort, but paused as she had no proper rebuttal. She then deflated and let out a simple, "Unholy shit…"
"Precisely," said Stolas with a smirk. "Let us see how he develops as he experiences more of what Hell has to offer. Why, in due time, with that experience combined with his natural talent, I'd wager he could easily become a proper overlord. Perhaps even a duke. Hmm… Duke Lincoln Loud… now that has such a funny ring to it."
Octavia could only stand in her spot frozen in fear. Loona, on the other hand, glared at Stolas for contemplating such a scenario with Lincoln before downing her third bottle of cheap Scotch. Blitzø had a few words of his own to say.
"For Satan's left nut sack, if you wanna hook up your daughter with my intern, you oughta know—!"
"Relax, my darling Blitzy," Stolas interrupted calmly, sliding a finger on Blitzø's horn. "That is ultimately Via's decision."
With a grunt, Blitzø turned to Octavia to offer his own sage advice. "Listen, take it from me, a guy who's wasted part of his life with a bag of holes… the answer to any argument is hate-fucking each other senseless until one of you admits their fault or end things because it ain't gonna work out."
"BLITZØ!" coughed out Loona after spitting out her Scotch mid-drink.
Octavia slapped her forehead before turning to her father, deadpanned. "Really? Him?"
"Yes, him," hooted Stolas in laughter.
PRIDE RING, Imp City Market Square
"I gotta say, as dangerous as Hell is, walking with you two out in the open is a really nice change of pace," Lincoln admitted.
"Aw, shucks!" beamed Millie. "You're just saying that to get your Ma to blush!"
The market square was a large, bustling area with numerous stores, carts, and stands, some of which were most likely illegally set up. Various goods, foods, clothes, and bootlegs were being sold, traded, and haggled in broad daylight. Some transactions involved the buyer and seller holding each other at gunpoint until the process was complete.
"It's honestly nothing new with what I've been seeing ever since I got stuck here in Hell," Lincoln explained to the audience. "In fact, all this kinda reminds me of how chaotic things got when I tried to buy a Zombie Bran cereal, except there's more death and violence here… why am I so blasé talking about that?"
"It's odd to be treated with more respect just because you look like a high-ranking demon now," noted Moxxie, having noticed that they've yet to run into a single demon heckling them at the very least. Most demons they've passed by so far ended up staring at Lincoln, slack-jawed and drooling due to his incubus appearance, something Millie also noticed and kept close to him in case she needed to ward off any demon that couldn't keep it in their pants.
"That just means we get to rub it in everyone's faces how handsome our boy is, Mox!" boasted Millie.
"That… sounds kind of weird considering Lincoln now looks about our age."
"And since I'm still a kid in mind and soul…" Lincoln trailed off before continuing, "yeah, that is weird."
"What's weird is you not walking right on over here, handsome!" called out a female imp wearing what could only be considered a handkerchief over her breasts and a denim miniskirt too small to be considered more than underwear. Both Moxxie and Millie immediately stood protectively between Lincoln and the barker. "Come on, sugar! You can even bring in your friends for a good time!"
"He ain't that kind of boy!" huffed Millie. "I taught him better!"
"Let's move to another area," suggested Moxxie.
"I second that notion," agreed Lincoln.
"I third it!" agreed a third, mysterious, high-pitched voice as Lincoln was pulled away by a red blur.
Moxxie and Millie were dumbstruck for a fraction of a second before their protective instincts kicked in and they pulled out a gun and knife, respectively.
"HEY! LET GO OF HIM, YOU SKANK!" shouted Millie, giving chase.
"Can't we just take one simple walk without any trouble?!" Moxxie shouted to the heavens while running.
Little did they remember that Lincoln had the body of an adult now, so he was able to stop himself and lift up his would-be kidnapper with one hand. His kidnapper was small, so Lincoln initially thought he was dealing with an imp, but after a better look, he realized this demon looked very different. Instead, this demon had one large red eye covering half her upper face, skin as white as his, red-pink hair, and a red maid outfit with a white apron.
"Um… hello? And you are?" asked Lincoln awkwardly.
"Hi, I'm Niffty!" greeted the cyclops demon, whose eye was darting around as if eating all of Lincoln's features with her sight alone. "Hee hee… I clean… I was buying cleaning supplies for my new job and then I saw you, hottie! You look so neat, tidy, and utterly studly! I just couldn't resist taking you to my new home since I haven't seen a man like you in a looooong time and—!"
Without a second thought, Lincoln motioned his free hand to the ground and opened up a portal to another part of the Pride Ring, then promptly dropped Niffty in it before closing it up.
"Oh, right, an incubus can rely on more than looks alone," Moxxie recalled, but then his eyes widened in sudden realization. "Wait, Lincoln, did you just open a portal… without using the grimoire?!"
"I did?" asked Lincoln, blinking owlishly before gasping. "Oh crumbs, I did!"
"EEEE! Like father, like son!" gushed Millie.
"Wait, if you can do that in your new form, what else can you do?" pondered Moxxie.
"This is gonna be a fun month or two!"
From a distance, a limo drove by with the back window opening a smidge. Inside was a pair of eyes, taking in the beautiful sights and licking her lips as she pulled down her shades.
"Well, girls," said the figure. "Who's excited for a potential new member of our crew?"
Female giggles were heard inside the limo, eagerly awaiting to carry out their plan to recruit a new talent for their agency.
-TO BE CONTINUED-
Hope you all enjoyed this first chapter. Please read the fanfiction this is based on called "A Loud Among Demons" a read. It's an entertaining crossover of two shows with polar opposite tones yet still just as funny and genuinely heartwarming as both shows can be. And if you can, please give The Swordslinger a shout-out since this fic was his/hers in the first place.
