June 20, 1980
There was no way she'd let Alice be the one to come today. Auror or not, she refused to let her out in her condition. Alice had fought tooth and nail to go, saying that she had a job to do and her maternity leave didn't start for another three days. But Frank was on Calandra's side. As soon as she found out she was pregnant, Frank begged her to stay home, but she refused. Now that she was farther along, he worried constantly. Between the two of them, they convinced her to stay home this one time. Alice glared at them both and made her swear that she'd never do this again. That she'd never go in her place.
They'd gone over the plan twelve times or more. Frank was pretty confident that none of the Death Eaters would be around. They had a lead that put most of them towards the east mountains. They had someone tailing her father and he'd cast about ten charms on her, protecting her from the most common types of tracing magic. Hopefully, she wouldn't need them. With any luck, the Polyjuice potion would muddle however her father traced her enough so that he couldn't find her tonight. She'd be fine. She had an emergency portkey and could use it anywhere, not that it had helped all that much last time.
She took a breath. She'd do this for Alice and go home. Alice and Frank were in enough danger.
She pulled the collar of her jacket up and thought back to the last time she'd gone on a mission like this. To pick something up. Her hands still had tremors, they told her they might never leave. She shivered and made her way into the shop. She looked around. This was a muggle shop, but there was a wizard somewhere in the crowd who would pass off the vial. She had no idea what was in the vial and she didn't ask.
Look for a purple scarf. Purple scarf. A man in a purple scarf.
She skirted past a couple of middle-aged women talking about Tupperware and weaved through the crowd. Lots of light jackets and a few knit caps, but no sight of the purple scarf. She smiled at a young lady who bumped into her and offered an apology and checked her watch.
7:15. She only had fifteen minutes to get the vial and get out.
She scanned the room again. Purple scarf, purple scarf, purple scarf. There!
A middle-aged man in a trench coat and purple scarf. His eyes scanned the crowd and she made a bee line for him. She saw the minute his eyes clocked her, and he stepped towards the wall where a display of microwaves was. She walked up to one of them and peered at the display, glancing over at the man. She shook her wand out of her sleeve to where he could just barely make it out and gave the signal. Dropping a coin. He picked up the coin and handed it back to her and she could feel something else being pressed into her hand.
"Thanks." she muttered and turned to leave.
She was stopped by a young salesman on her way towards the door offering her a promotional price on something in the store. She excused herself as inconspicuously as she could and headed out. She stepped out onto the windy street and walked to the end of the street. The nearest apparition point was about a block away. She headed down the side street closest to her destination. One hand clutched the vial in her pocket and the other clutched her wand still hidden in her sleeve.
She was half a block away when she heard "Crucio" and dropped to the pavement.
She was on fire again. Searing pain shot through her body as she writhed on the ground. Calandra screamed, her voice echoing in her ears.
"You thought the Dark Lord didn't know of your plans?" she heard a man's voice say.
A woman cackled and her voice sang as she repeated the curse over and over.
The brief seconds in between the pain made it a thousand times worse. She had to think, had to get out.
"Crucio."
Pain. Horrible pain.
One second of freedom.
Leave
"Crucio."
Fire. Burning, scorching fire.
Another brief respite.
Had to leave.
The man was saying something to the woman. He was shaking his head at her.
"Crucio."
Agony. Absolute agony.
During the third lull she finally remembered.
Portkey
"Crucio."
Lightning. Buzzing and electrocuting her veins.
Her hand shook as she reached for the bottom button on her jacket. Her fingers touched the button and she felt herself being jerked away, the woman's laughter ringing in her ears, the man admonishing her for playing when they had a job to do.
She lay panting. Calandra looked over and she was by the ocean, on a beach somewhere. She couldn't remember where the portkey took her, but it got her away from them, so she couldn't bring herself to care. She looked up at the stars.
She had to get back. They'd send someone after her if she didn't get back. She couldn't let that happen. She staggered to her feet and spun.
She stumbled up the hill to the Longbottom's house and knocked on the door. Frank met her there and trained his wand on her.
"What did you tell me when I asked you what to give Alice for Christmas her seventh year at school?"
"A proper snog." she choked out a laugh and collapsed into his arms.
"They knew. They were there." She trembled in his hands.
She heard footsteps come up the hall.
"Callie! You're back. …What happened?" Alice pulled Frank away and wrapped her arms around her friend.
"I knew I should never have let you go. I'll never forgive you for this. Either of you." she scolded them.
"I'm fine, I'm fine…I just, need a minute to get a grip on myself." Calandra said, shaking.
Frank conjured steaming mugs of tea and nudged one in her hand.
"You're safe here." he said soothingly. "Take your time. You're safe. They can't get you here."
She sipped the tea slowly as Alice's hands stroked her hair. She could feel the effects of the potion wearing off. When she had drank half the tea in her cup, she told them what happened.
Her voice was unfamiliar to her ears as she recounted the events of the night.
"Must've been Lestrange. She's been sighted with the others at multiple muggle killings." Frank said. "The other could've been Lucius Malfoy, but he hasn't been sighted with any of them. I still say he's working with them, but from behind the scenes somehow…must not want to get his hands dirty."
She shrugged. She never saw their faces, so she really couldn't say. She explained how she got away and Frank chuckled.
"Dumbledore's an old fool if he's never tried to recruit you to the Order. Look at the last time you went out; stunning three Death Eaters wandlessly, using occlumency, keeping a level head while they tortured you then, and portkeying out in the middle of it tonight…well damn."
"He's never asked, and I haven't volunteered yet." she said stubbornly. "My father has ways of finding me. We found that out the hard way, and we all know which side of this he'd be on. If he knew what all I could do he'd have already found me and taken me straight to Voldemort. He told me he already told him what I am."
"I know," Frank said as Alice shot him a look "I just…"
He trailed off and looked at his wife.
Calandra sat up and leaned against their sofa.
"It won't be forever. I've already decided to join when I figure out how my father keeps finding ways to contact me. I've gotten rid of everything that came from the house and everything he ever gave me. I'll find the connection and sever it, then I can join without worrying about being a liability."
She set her mug down and pulled her coat around herself. She felt a lump in her pocket and she suddenly remembered.
"Oh, here. I almost forgot." She held out the vial.
Frank stared at it then burst out laughing as he took it from her.
"Of course, you bloody well have it. Don't know what else I expected."
He shook his head and left the room chuckling.
Calandra smiled to herself. At least she brought it back to them. She looked up at Alice to see her friend staring at her with tears streaming down her face.
"Hey," she said scooting over to where Alice knelt. "Its O-
"Don't you dare say it's ok," Alice choked out. "Don't you dare."
There was fire behind those amber eyes as Alice swallowed and continued.
"You were tortured, Callie." She whispered.
Calandra stared at her, her eyes pricking with tears she wouldn't let fall.
"For me." Alice whispered.
"No!" Calandra said taking hold of Alice's hand. "No. You can't blame yourself for this. I volunteered for this. I knew what could happen."
Her voice was fierce, and she grabbed hold of her friend's shoulders.
"Look at me." Calandra searched Alice's eyes as she spoke. "This is not your fault."
Alice started to shake her head
"Listen to me." Calandra said, impassioned. "Even if I knew for a fact that I would've been Crucioed going into tonight, I would have still done it. I would've marched right up to them and told them to do their worst to keep you from it."
She wiped a tear away from her friend's eye and said softly, "And I know you would do the same, even though you have so much more to lose than I do."
The young witch sniffed.
"No more of this, ok? No more apologies, no more regrets, no more guilt. We're doing what we can to make this world a better place. For this little one." She nudged Alice's stomach.
Alice let out a half laugh, half sob. "I love you. I was so worried."
"You know it'll take more than a few Death Eaters to get rid of me, you dolt." Calandra grinned.
"You better not go looking for more trouble," Alice wagged a finger in Calandra's face as she wiped her tears with her other hand. "The baby needs a godmother who's all in one piece."
"Yeah, yeah mum-wait, what?" Calandra's mouth dropped in surprise.
"Well, who else did you think I'd ask? Frank's mum?" Alice giggled, then sobered. "But really. Frank and I have jobs that can be quite dangerous, especially now. I know that you'd love our child like they're your own….that is, if you want…."
The rest of her words were muffled as she was gathered in a bone crushing hug.
"Of course. Of course. Of course I'll be godmother. I love you, Alice."
"Well, I guess you told her," Frank smirked at the two women from the doorway to the kitchen. "We truly couldn't think of anyone we'd rather have."
The striking of the clock broke the happy atmosphere and Calandra jumped up.
"I have to get going. I didn't realize how late it was," she said, reaching for her wand and the bag she'd left before she went out as Alice earlier.
"You know you're welcome to stay the night." Alice said, as Frank helped her up.
"I know, but I really have to go." She kissed Alice's cheek and hugged Frank. "I'll see you guys later, probably next week."
Alice wrapped the scarf tighter around Calandra neck and said, "Don't forget to-"
"Let you know when I make it home." Calandra finished. "I know, I'll write as soon as I get home. If the journal doesn't glow within fifteen minutes send someone after me. I love you! Bye."
"Bye," Alice called as Calandra swirled through the fireplace.
Sirius was sitting at the kitchen table when she stepped through the floo. She dropped her bag on the floor and kicked off her shoes. Sirius didn't say a word as she walked toward him. Calandra reached a hand toward him when she got close enough.
"Don't." he said quietly. "Just don't. Please."
Calandra pulled her hand back and shifted her feet.
"You went out for her." He said.
Calandra opened her mouth but was silenced by the look her gave her.
"What was Longbottom thinking? This wasn't just for the Order. That was Auror business." Sirius said. "Don't bother trying to deny it. Your eyes are still brown and you're three inches shorter than normal."
"I wasn't going to deny it." Calandra said.
"Do you have any idea the danger you put yourself in tonight?" he stared at the table.
"Of course." Calandra replied. "Why do you think I went?"
"Oh, so you went specifically for the danger." Sirius said, condescendingly. "That's rich."
"You're one to talk." Calandra retorted. "Don't pretend like you don't love the thrill of it all when you have to go out."
"I don't!" Sirius said, looking up at her. "Not anymore! Not when I always wonder what's going to happen to you."
Calandra pulled his chair out from the table and knelt in front of him.
"Sirius. Look at me." She said. "I couldn't let Alice go. Think of what you'd do, if it were James."
Sirius didn't meet her eyes.
"We used as many masking spells as we knew. I polyjuiced. We even left some of my things and traces of my magic as a decoy about five hundred miles away. I didn't just rush into it."
He finally looked at her. The emotion in his eyes took her breath away.
"I couldn't let her go." Calandra repeated. "She's pregnant, Sirius. What if something happened to her? To the baby?"
Sirius lifted a hand and stroked her cheek.
"What if something happened to you?" he said. "I can't… Cal…I won't…."
"I'm fine." Calandra said. "Sirius, please listen."
She grabbed his hands and held them in her own.
"I didn't do this because I feel cooped up or because I wanted out of the flat. I did this for Alice. Her maternity leave starts in a few days, I won't need to do it again." She said.
"Why didn't you call for me?" he asked. "I would've gone. I would've done it."
Calandra's heart squeezed.
"I know you would've." She said. "That's why I didn't."
"I know what could've happened." Calandra said. "But I'm fine. I'm here. Alice is safe. I'm safe, with you, and that's as much as I'm willing to ask for right now."
Sirius's hands reached up and cradled her face. He leant forward and kissed her. Calandra twined her arms around his neck as he picked her up. One day, there would be more, she promised herself. One day she'd ask for more than their safety. But for now, it was all she wanted.
...
July 17, 1980
Calandra flipped through a photo album on the table by the couch. She'd seen many of the pictures before; photos of James in school. She was even in some of them. She flipped through pictures of him and his friends playing quidditch and flying their brooms over water.
The pages grew less organized as Calandra flipped through the book. Polaroids were stuck to the page haphazardly, little scribbles written along their white bottoms. Calandra peered down at the page, watching as Remus and James herded cats toward a sleeping Sirius.
She remembered these photos. It was the end of fourth year and Peter had just gotten a new camera. He took photos of everything. Mary had gone to find her cat and James overheard Alice tell her to check the seventh floor because she'd seen the elves feeding a bunch of the felines up there. A few bits of salmon later, and James and Remus had coaxed about twelve cats to perch on and around Sirius.
Calandra smiled at the memory and flipped the page. She looked up, startled when she heard a noise coming from the fireplace. She grabbed her wand and sat silently, waiting for more noise. Suddenly, the fireplace glowed green and flames filled the space.
James stumbled through the fireplace and collapsed on the sofa next to Calandra. His arm was bloody, and he cradled his wrist close to his body. His face was scratched all to pieces, his glasses cracked, and his eye swollen and black.
"Thank Merlin you're still here." He said. "Pads said you'd be here for a bit; he's with Lily right now."
Calandra gingerly pushed his hair back from his face and examined the scratches.
"What on earth did you get into, James?" she asked, waving her wand over his face to cleanse and close the scrapes.
"Death Eater trap." He said with a grimace as she leaned him back on the sofa.
Calandra vanished his jumper and peered at his arm. It had a pretty decent gash, but it wasn't anything she couldn't fix. She summoned the box of healing supplies she knew the Potter's kept in the kitchen. She dug around in it until she found murtlap essence and rolls of bandages. Calandra set to work, closing the wound while she soaked the bandages in the healing liquid.
"I was meeting with Diggle in Hogsmeade." James said as she healed the worst of his injuries. "I bought a great lot of invisibility cloaks for Moody to pass out. We were supposed to meet at the edge of the village, near the apparition point, but a few Death Eaters had gotten there first. They cursed the area around the apparition point to explode when someone without a dark mark approached."
Calandra shook her head, horrified.
"We're lucky no one really uses that apparition point. The one beside Rosemerta's is much more convenient."
"The apparition points are a waste of time if you ask me." Calandra said. "If Death Eater's show up everyone funnels to one spot. It makes no sense."
"Yeah, well the Ministry only listens to so much." He said. "Maybe now they'll give up on the idea."
He gestured to his injuries.
"Oh, James." Calandra said. "I'm so sorry."
He waved her off.
"You're making me right as rain. Diggle is checking the rest of them." He shrugged. "No real harm done; just a few scrapes. I've had worse than this at school."
Calandra smiled and shook her head, wrapping a bandage around his arm.
"I remember." She said.
"You taking a little stroll down memory lane?" he nodded towards the open photo album.
"Yeah." She said. "You don't mind, do you? It was already laid out on the table."
James rolled his eyes.
"You're in half the pictures, Cals. I don't care if you go looking through them. It's not as if I'd keep naughty pictures out on the coffee table."
He glanced at the page she'd been looking at.
"You could've jumped ahead a bit, though. I'm much better about two years down the road."
He winked at her and she laughed.
"Do you mean your looks or your personality?" she asked.
"Ouch!" James laughed, then shook his head. "Both. I was a right prat there for a bit."
Calandra watched as regret flickered briefly across his eyes.
"What changed?" she asked.
"Sometimes someone makes you want to be a better person." He said wistfully. "It just takes something to open your eyes."
"What did he do?" Calandra asked.
James's eyes shot up to hers. He studied her, a bemused expression on his face.
"I know it was him." She said. "What did he do?"
James shook his head and sat the picture down on the couch.
"He left home." He said. "Or, he came home, is how I always think of it."
Calandra nodded and continued wrapping the material around his elbow, waiting for him to continue.
"You saw him that day." James said. "You saw the look in his eyes. Well, it was ten times worse when he first showed up. It was like he was dead inside."
James shook his head and frowned at the floor.
"I've seen him look a lot of different ways, Cals, but never like that. It was like he was a shell; like something had sucked all the life right out of him."
James gave her a rueful smile.
"He didn't need a prat of a mate to get him into trouble and help him break the rules. He needed a brother."
Calandra watched his face soften and felt some of the tension leave his body.
"Someone to be there. Someone to show him kindness and compassion and everything he never got."
Calandra waved her wand over the bandage on James's arm and sat back on the couch. She motioned to his other arm and he gingerly placed his wrist in her lap. He continued speaking as she got to work healing his hand.
"I always wanted a brother." James said wistfully. "I kind of considered Sirius my brother since about second year, but never really said it out loud. He had Regulus. But when he left, I knew. I knew that whatever had happened, had been enough to make him leave him. I knew he'd lost Regulus. And I knew that he needed a brother; one who would always have his back. One who would always be there."
"We still got into scrapes, but that was the start of it. I started thinking about who I was. Wondering if I was doing good enough to have him call me his brother."
He laughed to himself.
"Mum sat me down that Christmas and told me what it really meant to be an older brother. Even though Sirius was older than me. Told me it was a privilege I shouldn't take lightly."
He met her gaze.
"And I didn't."
Calandra smiled at him and squeezed his good hand.
"How'd you know?" James looked at her curiously. "Everyone thinks it was Lily. Even Remus and Pete."
Calandra raised her eyebrows.
"If it was because of her you'd have stopped what you were doing that day by the lake." Calandra said.
James bit his lip and looked a bit shamefaced.
"But it's more than that." She said, softly. "Sirius loves you more than anything on the face of this earth. More than his parents, more than Remus or Peter, more than me."
James opened his mouth to object, but Calandra held up a hand.
"He does." She said. "I'm perfectly fine with that. I know I'm a close second. And if you're honest with yourself you probably love him a little bit more than you love Lily."
"It's just different." James said. "I don't want to shag Pads."
"You should." Calandra laughed. "He's a great shag."
"He loves you, Cals." James said intently. "He does. He loves you so much."
"I know, James." Calandra said. "I know that. That's what I was getting to before. Sirius loves you, more than anything, and I know you feel the same about him. He might have left on his own, but he came to you a bit shattered and cast out and you opened up yourself and said take what you want. Not just your home, but you. You offered him safety and love and kindness."
Calandra swallowed and continued.
"He might've gone back." She said. "He might've gone back. If you had not welcomed him in, shown him what it truly means to be a family, he might've gone right back. But he didn't. You both grew up a bit and started improving yourselves. You can pretend like you did it for Lily. Sirius can pretend like he did it to distance himself from his family."
"But you did it for each other. You both wanted to be the brother that the other deserved."
"When I look at the two of you." Calandra eyes focused on something in the distance. "I count myself so lucky that I get some of that. I know he loves me, but even if he only loved me half as much as he cares about you it would be more than I deserve."
"You're wrong." James said softly. "Not about me loving Pads or him loving me or any of that mush."
He reached over and lay a hand on her knee.
"He loves you just as much. That day in the alley he begged me to stay to help look for you. Every other time he's told me to go on. He's stepped in front of Death Eaters for me before and I know he'll probably do it again. But that day, he didn't tell me to leave. He asked me to stay. To find you."
Calandra felt her heart thud loudly in her chest. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and patted James's hand.
"You're a great brother, James." She said.
He smiled a devastating smile at her, and Calandra found herself wondering, not for the first time, what on earth she'd done to deserve the presence of James Potter in her life.
...
July 24, 1980
Callie, Frank is probably going to write to you and tell you I'm crazy. I'm not crazy. I AM NOT CRAZY.
Why does he think you're crazy?
We just had a huge row over whether we should get a cat or a dog. I cried on him, Callie. I don't even want a pet. Neither does he. What is wrong with us?
Nothing, Alice. You're pregnant. It's normal to be emotional.
No one ever said it would be like this. I'm sick all the time, I have to pee all the time, I fall asleep in the middle of meetings.
You'll have to tough it out for a few more months. Come on! Buck up and show this kid whose boss. Babies can smell weakness, Alice!
He gets this from you.
Who?
The baby.
He? You know it's a boy!? When did you find out?
Just this week. We went to the muggle doctor and they showed us a scan. Frank read about it in a book.
I'm so excited! Was it Babies: Everything you Need To Know? I read about it, too. I was going to tell you at dinner.
Why are you reading that-
Callie! Are you pregnant?
No! Of course not! Unlike some, I take a potion and use a contraceptive charm faithfully. I was reading it because my best friend is having a baby, of course.
I almost peed on myself Callie. You can't do stuff like that. I have to go to the loo. Come over around seven. XOXOXOXO
XOXOXOXOXO
...
July 28, 1980
Calandra cleared her throat and ran a hand along her neck. Her throat was tingling again. She sighed and leant against the counter. It had been a while since this happened. She'd hoped that whatever it was, had just been a fluke. But apparently it wasn't just a fluke.
She set her tea down and reached for a bottle of tequila. Alcohol usually numbed it. She tilted the glass up and grimaced as the familiar heat worked its way down her chest. She had no idea what to do about the feeling. She was sure it had something to do with the Siren in her, but she didn't have a clue what it meant. It did no good to let her mind linger on it now. There were more important matters at hand.
She swigged another mouthful down and looked over the items spread out on the table. Occamy skin lay folded over on itself, bottles of Acromantula venom held down patterns of cloaks. Bundles of thunderbird feathers and bits of unicorn horn lay with Demiguise fur and dragon scales.
She and Sirius had been working on magical cloaks for the Order of the Phoenix. They'd soaked Occamy skin in a mixture of crushed unicorn horn and dragon's blood and were testing out the effects on the cloaks ability to shrink or expand to fit the wearer. The cloaks they'd made with the thunderbird feathers proved very useful. They hummed and vibrated when the wearer was in danger, but the humming was too loud to use stealthily. They were working on silencing charms for all of them.
Calandra sat down and ran her hands through her hair. She pulled a parchment forward and read over the notes they'd made. The tingling in her throat persisted and she tried to wash it away with the alcohol. She pulled the latest copy of Magical Beasts out of the box of books on the floor and flipped through it. Calandra read until the words started swimming together on the page. She took another drink and laid her head down on the table.
Sirius found her like that when he came home. Hair fanned out over the magical materials; book still propped up in front of her. He shrugged his jacket off and picked Calandra up. She woke just enough to wrap her arms around his neck as he carried her to bed, then was asleep again almost before her head hit the pillow.
