…of a whole


Hundreds of images, sounds, smells, and sensations assaulted Severus' mind at once, making him nauseous and dizzy, and he shut his eyes.

What had she done?

Why did she do it?

He felt her confusion and hurt when the other children mocked her and hit her not so playfully. Felt the terror that consumed her when her lungs were scorched by heat and smoke around. Felt her eyes sting from exhaustion when she sat in some small sitting room with a thick tome on dark magic that she had no business even knowing about. Felt her sadness while she watched an older couple getting into a car and driving away to never return. Felt the tremors that shook her while she lay on a pile of fallen leaves in the cold darkness, crying. Felt her giddy happiness when she woke up the morning after her brush with a troll with not one but two friends. Felt her determination to get through, while another woman — Belmont, whoever she was — showered her with curses and hexes at the speed of light. Felt her fear at the new strange sensation of being pushed through time for a couple of hours, and the frighteningly awful way it routinely made her feel now, when she was jumping back months and years. Felt her crashing loneliness that never really left her, despite being surrounded by friendly faces. Felt her admiration of his level of skill and knowledge that was never quite quenched, regardless of how hateful he was behaving. Felt her happiness at finally finding a soulmate and her relief at it not being some clueless teenage boy. Felt her pain and sadness at experiencing his own, and blind rage at all those people who ever had a hand in it. And a million other things that were too jumbled to discern.

Minutes went on. His whole body felt on fire. His head hurt so much, it felt like someone parked the Hogwarts Express on it, but as her memories slowly lined up in proper order and settled down, it was becoming easier. He now knew why she lost consciousness yesterday… If her twenty-seven years of struggling through felt that bad, his thirty-six of undiluted shit must have been truly unbearable.

That thought made Severus realise that he could think again. He breathed deeply several times to calm his heart rate down and opened his eyes to a darkness. It took him a moment of panic to connect it with what his other senses were telling him — she was hugging him, pressing his face into her shoulder and gently rubbing his back.

Severus froze. He stopped thinking, he stopped breathing, he almost forced his heart to stop beating from the sheer shock of the unfamiliar sensations that assaulted him from both her physical touch and the emotions she had while doing so.

No one ever hugged him.

No one ever really touched him at all.

He was the ugly one, in all senses of the word.

But her need to support him, to hold him in an attempt to lend as much strength as she could, her pang of pain that echoed his, her acceptance of everything that he was — just like that, pure and simple, without restrictions, without conditions — it hit him hard. All his shields crushed down again from the weight of the new wave of emotions.

He couldn't hold it.

He cried.

Clutching her closer to himself, he cried for everything that had ever happened. Ugly, heart-wrenching sobs shook his whole being. She was whispering something soothing into the crown of his head, but he couldn't make out a single word.

He found it.

He found her, and she wanted to have him just as much as he wanted to be wanted. Moreover, she wanted him to want her too, which was, frankly, bizarre.

He won't ever be alone again.

He

Will never

Be alone again.

Ever.

At that moment, it didn't matter who she was (although, her not being seventeen certainly did not hurt anything). It didn't matter that she was technically his student for in reality she was an adult well on her way to receiving a mastery in a third field, which meant that she'd already had her NEWTs and for a long time. It didn't matter who her friends were, because he knew without a doubt that she had no intention of betraying him.

And really, what kind of friendship could there possibly be with a bunch of teenagers a decade younger? Not a close one, surely.

Severus took yet another deep breath. He had no idea how much time he spent bawling his eyes out, but his knees started to really protest. For a moment he was afraid to move, not knowing what Granger's reaction would be, but she apparently sensed it and briefly squeezed him tighter in response, and he felt another pang of a peculiar mix of sadness and rage that came through the bond.

Thank god, they couldn't hear each other's thoughts as some other couples did. No one really knew what kind of connection the soul bond would create, or what factors were influencing it to begin with.

Thinking of that was certainly easier than of the fact that he just basically labelled them a couple.

In a few seconds Granger released him and moved to sit on the tree root behind him, and he realised that he was kneeling on the snow. He didn't feel the cold though, nor were his clothes wet, so she must've had the presence of mind to cast protective spells over them, which was nice. Still marvelling at the warmth in his chest that that thought produced, Severus returned to his previous seat. He didn't dare look at her, though. He felt both hot and cold at the same time, sweating profusely, and overall he feared he just might have another panic attack the moment he caught her gaze.

They sat there in silence for a long moment. From the corner of his eye, Severus saw her twist her right hand as if examining it, so he turned his head a little to see what she was doing more clearly. Ignoring him completely, Granger brought her hand closer to her eyes, stroked it with her fingers, then pointed her wand at it. It was peculiar behaviour, and he would have assumed that she'd lost her mind, if only their bond didn't tell him differently. Granger was becoming increasingly more agitated and nervous the longer she looked at the — as Severus could now see — thin and nearly faint pink scar that ran diagonally on the back of her hand, starting on the proximal phalanx of her index finger and wrapping around the abductor digiti minimi near her wrist.

She must've dropped her glamour.

It all was making him nervous, and a tad uncomfortable too. He even forgot to be embarrassed.

"What is the matter?" he asked in an attempt to stop it, tugging at her forearm to pull it back down. Granger glanced at him shortly before purposefully stopping the whirlwind inside of her and taking a deep breath. Instead of a reply, she pointed at his left forearm.

"I'd check it if I were you."

Severus blanched and jerked his left arm back, staring at her. He opened his mouth to snap at the sheer audacity of the girl, but she just raised her eyebrows — eyebrows that were on a face of a young woman who saw a lot of action, not on a schoolgirl's face — at him. It returned Severus to the present rather abruptly, simultaneously reminding him that the fleeting moment of panic over the possibility of showing someone his mark did not go unnoticed, so he wisely chose to shut the fuck up instead. Still…

"Whatever for?" he rasped.

Granger returned her eyes to her hand, thank Merlin. "Two years ago I caught a nasty curse on it, really dark. You remember it too." She suddenly snorted, and he echoed it, trying to wrap his mind over the strange fact that he actually did remember it, since he had all her memories. There were a lot of them, and they all were crystal clear. Granger continued, somewhat unnecessary now, "It never stopped bleeding ever since, the longest I've managed to keep it closed was a little over three hours. And now look at it."

Severus did. He bore his gaze into the uneven line of the scar and thought of what it meant. Dark magic that kept the wound open and bleeding vanished during the bonding. If hers did, then… Well. There was nothing to it… She was right. Sighing, he slowly started unbuttoning the cuff of his left sleeve, dreading what he would see. He didn't even know what he feared more: that it would disappear or remain. What would it mean for him? For them both? Would she want to build a relationship with a Death Eater, if it was still in place? And if it wasn't, what about the war? What would Albus say? His hands were trembling slightly. He hoped, it… But no, surely… It was impossible.

Done with the buttons, Severus squeezed his eyes tightly, turned his arm, so his inner forearm would face down, and tried to take deep measured breaths. He could do it. He managed to acquire it, which was a hell on its own, then stare at it every bloody day for nineteen years, he could even wash it regularly. Despite any efforts, his heart beat painfully in his ribcage, making black spots dance across his vision, and he just knew that another attack was imminent… Until warm calmness enveloped him and he found himself looking into Granger's kind brown eyes in front of him. She didn't say anything. She just held his face lightly between her palms, and his gaze was drawn to hers. And then she smiled.

Something in him unclenched.

"It's going to be fine," she whispered. "Whatever happens, we'll deal with it. You're not alone anymore, Severus. I realise we've known each other, really known each other, for all but ten minutes, and you have no actual reason to trust me. But for me, it doesn't matter if we'll be just friends forever or fall head over heels for one another, it doesn't matter if you're a Big Bad Death Eater or James bloody Bond with a wand, or the youngest Potions Master in Magical Britain, youngest Hogwarts professor, or just Severus, or all of the above at once. What matters is that under all those layers there's a beautiful soul— bright and pure, despite everything you've been through,— it's a treasure that I'm going to cherish and guard with my life. I will do everything to aid you, and I mean everything, including joining in with that fancy club of torture lovers of yours to help you with the spying or offing our esteemed twinkle-head on your behalf if need be."

"Why?"

He was lost.

"Because I want to. Because we're two halves of a whole. Because I've spent years working and training to prepare for this fight. Because neither of us would be happy if this is left unfinished."

Granger stroked his cheeks with her thumbs, and he realised he'd started to cry again. He ignored it in favour of looking into her eyes intently. Her words were painful to hear. His chest constricted.

Severus took both her hands into his and pulled them down onto his lap. They were small, those hands of hers.

"It may not seem like it at this particular moment, but I'm not a damsel in distress, Granger," he said quietly. "Nor am I some dashing hero who sweeps in and saves the day. Whatever fantasies you came up with after acquiring my memories, they're unlikely to be accurate." He raised his eyes at her face. She smiled again and took his left hand into both of hers.

"I don't have any fantasies. In fact, I'll be expecting a thorough apology from you at a later date for your abysmal treatment of myself." He snorted. "I only wanted to say that regardless of whether you still have the mark, we will find a way to deal with any situation that will follow. Together."

Granger got up from her kneeling position and sat back to his left, not letting go of his hand. Severus took a deep breath, steeling himself, then flipped his forearm, so they would both be able to see it.

It was clear.

…what?

But it was. Severus stared at the patch of the pale skin where the mark used to be, his mouth dry.

Incomprehensible.

His mind felt foggy.

"What?.." he mouthed, glancing up at Granger's face.

She was smiling.

What?

"You're free," she whispered.

"But I…"

He felt so light.

She hugged him again, squeezing his ribs tightly, and this time Severus hugged her back. It was awkward, but not because either of them was emotionally uncomfortable, it was just not easy to hug this way while sitting side by side. As that thought entered Severus' mind, the fog cleared, giving way to a wave of pure bliss. It enveloped them both, endlessly echoing through the bond, multiplying itself.

Merlin knows how much time they sat like this, basking in the warm glow of his happiness, or her happiness, or their… Oh, for fuck's sake, no matter. For once Severus didn't want to think, practically forbade himself to do it, forcibly ejecting all thoughts out of his conscious mind.

He had his freedom, he had someone to share it with, what else could possibly matter?

But of course there were a lot of things that mattered.

The war, for one.

And the fact that he couldn't spy anymore, because there was no doubt that the Dark Lord noticed that Severus' mark disappeared. He might attempt to go and explain the situation with the bonding and ask for a new mark, but the Dark Lord wasn't exactly stable these days, and God, how Severus did not want to…

He hoped Draco would not have to pay for it too dearly.

What would happen with his vow now?

They'd have to explain it all to Dumbledore too. There was no telling how he would react either. So many plans were hinged on Severus' continuing enslavement to Riddle.

The Headmaster would guilt-trip him into marching right back, no doubt.

The last remnants of happiness dissipated, and Severus took a deep breath, releasing Granger.

Nothing ever changes in his goddamn life.

"Hey," Granger squeezed his shoulder. "We'll fight for your freedom tooth and nail, I promise. What do you say to going to Dumbledore now to inform him of the change in plans, and then going somewhere to celebrate our bonding? We could even travel to some remote deserted island for a couple of months for a well-deserved and long-overdue holiday. I've had a lot of practice with cross-continental apparition. We'll just use my time-turner afterwards to get back here in time for breakfast."

Severus stared at her, feeling light-headed. Hope tingled under his skin, insisting on him agreeing to the proposed scheme.

Could they truly?

Surely not…

It would be highly irresponsible of them.

Or would it? Granger had means to get back to this exact moment, and they both had no intention of backing out of the fight. So maybe…

"Look," she tagged at his sleeve, pointing towards the Forbidden Forest in the distance. Severus turned around and squinted.

Two figures — a man and a woman — walked out of the line of trees. The figures were all too familiar: he was dressed in a black billowing cloak over a long warm coat, and she — in muggle blue jeans and a grey winter cloak. She had her hand in the crook of his elbow. They strode leisurely through the snow, talking and laughing. The next moment he said something particularly hilarious, which made her laugh so hard, she threw her head backwards, clutching him harder with both hands to not fall down with the momentum. He stopped and grinned at her, and then they both vanished under a disillusionment spell.

A smirk tugged on Severus's mouth, mirrored on Granger's. They looked at each other.

Problem was solved.

"Screw Dumbledore, let's go now," he heard himself saying.

Hermione nodded, smiling broadly.

Five minutes later, the gates to the grounds of Hogwarts opened and closed, although nobody appeared to go through. A pop followed the soft click of the gates' lock in a few more seconds, and then there was nothing but silence, broken only by an occasional quiet giggle or a snort somewhere near the castle, but those, too, stopped in a couple of minutes.

Wind played between the grey naked branches of the trees, gently blowing the top layer of the fresh bright white snow here and there.

The sun had finally risen.


The end