Estimated Reading Time: 22 Minutes
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King Koopa
Mario and Peach were sitting at a picnic table chatting.
Mario: "Thank you for giving me company, Peach. It's been nice not being alone all the time."
Peach: "My pleasure."
Mario: "I still don't know why everyone is acting strange towards me, but I've noticed it's been getting better. The other day Sephiroth spoke to me."
Peach: "What did you two talk about?"
Mario: "It was a friendly chat about our day."
Peach: "That's good. See, just give it time."
Mario: "I know, but I still don't know what I did wrong for the others to ignore me."
Peach: "You… Didn't do anything wrong. While you were in a coma, everything was hectic."
Mario: "I know. I've been asking around and some say that there was a zombie apocalypse."
Peach: "Yeah, but don't worry, we made sure you were in a safe space so that you didn't get infected."
Mario: "Really? Roy said I was infected."
Peach: "R-Roy said that?"
Mario: "Yes. I keep getting different stories except for the coma one."
Peach: "I-I see. Anyway, I don't feel like talking about the catastrophic event. Let's talk about something happy."
Mario: "Yes, dear."
Peach: "D-dear?"
Mario: "Oh right. Sorry. It's a habit. Sometimes I still feel like we're dating."
Peach: "I'm sorry, Mario. All this must be frustrating."
Mario: "It is, but I have to respect your wishes."
Peach: "Thank you. I appreciate it."
Mario: "So anyway, what do you want to talk about?"
Peach: "Let's talk about-
Thud!
Suddenly a giant monster landed on their picnic table destroying it in the process. The two jumped back and witnessed Bowser.
Mario: "Bowser…"
Bowser: "Bwah-ha-ha-ha! If it isn't Mario and his Princess."
Mario smirked at his old time rival. This is what he needed; something familiar. He missed the old times when he would save Peach from Bowser. Times were simpler back then. But now is his chance to relive those happy days when he was her hero.
Peach: "Oh no! Bowser!"
Bowser threw down a smoke bomb. Mario and Peach covered their eyes.
Peach: "I can't see!"
Mario: "My eyes!"
Bowser grabbed Peach and hoisted himself up to his battleship. Once the smoke cleared Mario around and saw that Peach was gone.
Bowser: "Mario, I have once again kidnapped your girl. You will have to come fight me in my castle in the Mario universe. Good luck going through all the levels I have created. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!"
Peach: "Mario, help~!"
With that Bowser's ship sped off. Mario fixed his hat and smiled. Finally a sense of adventure. Life has been boring, but now that Bowser is back online, he has a purpose. Defeat Bowser and save his princess. Maybe if he rescues her, she'll get back with him.
Serotonin bursts through his veins and he runs off to The Travel Machine. He travels into the Mario Universe and like the old days, goes through the levels.
He was hopping from area to area. The sheer excitement and joy of defeating Bowser's troops and gaining random power ups made this plumber the happiest man.
Days go by and Mario finally makes it to Bowser's castle. He sees the big dragon sitting on his throne. Mario looked around and saw Peach inside a cage next to Bowser.
Peach: "Mario!"
Bowser: "It's about time you finally arrived."
Mario: "Bowser, I'm-a going to defeat you."
Bowser: "Give it your best shot!"
The two go at it. Bowser spat fire on Mario's face, but luckily he had an ice flower stored up. He quickly transformed into Ice Mario and countered Bowser's flamethrower.
Bowser: "Gah! Not bad for a dirty plumber."
Mario: "You won't defeat me, Bowser. Give it up."
Peach: "Mario, watch out!"
Mario gave Peach a confused look. She pointed up ahead. He turned around but it was too late. He wasn't quick enough to react. A bullet bill hit him on his back.
Bowser kicked Mario up in the air. As the plumber was flying, Bowser lept and spiked him down on the floor.
Crash!
Peach gasped and covered her mouth with her hand. The Koopa King laughed and lifted Mario up by his overalls.
Bowser: "This ends here."
Mario: "Guh… N-no!"
Bowser: "Huh?"
Mario had one more trick up his sleeve. He pulled out a cat mushroom. He transformed into Cat Mario and scratched the shit out of Bowser.
The evil turtle dragon dropped Mario and covered his face with his claws. Cat Mario wasn't done. He climbed all over Bowser scratching him like crazy. He did one final claw punch to the face and Bowser was done.
Bowser: "Bwah! N-no."
Mario landed on top of Bowser and struck a pose. Peach stared at him in awe and gave Mario an applause. He tipped his hat and walked over to her. He broke the cage and she was now free.
Peach jumped on his arms and gave him a big hug.
Bowser: "G-guh."
The two looked at Bowser who struggled to get up.
Bowser: "That was a nice one guys."
Peach: "Yes! It was fun."
Mario: "Good show as always, Bowser."
Bowser: "Damn, you still roughed me up though."
Mario: "You like it."
Bowser: "I do. Now uh, we haven't done this in a while, but I think this is the part where we have a threesome."
Mario: "Well uh..."
Peach: "Um…"
Bowser gave Mario and Peach a puzzled look.
Peach: "I don't know if I told you this, Bowser, but Mario and I aren't dating anymore."
Bowser: "WHAT!"
Peach: "Yeah, we're taking a break."
Bowser: "But uh, we still get to do our thing, right?"
Peach: "No, sorry."
Bowser: "WE ALWAYS DO THIS! IT'S OUR THING!"
Peach: "I'm sorry. I think we should all take a break from this. It was fun and all, but for now I just want to do something new."
Mario: "Of course. I respect your decision."
Bowser: "W-WHAT!"
Peach: "I'm sorry. It won't be forever. I just need a break."
Mario: "Well, at least the adventure itself was fun. Right, Bowser?"
Bowser: "Uh… Y-yeah."
Mario and Peach left. Bowser sat on his throne and pondered to himself. What happened? They all made an agreement that every time Bowser kidnaps Peach, Mario has to go through levels and save her. After Mario whoops his ass, that's when they all get to fuck.
He loved being humiliated by Mario. It was some sick game to him. The plumber wasn't stronger than him, but he put up a good fight and Mario always came up with ways to defeat him. It was exciting. A genuine truthful match.
Too bad their fun roleplay threesome is gone now. What is he going to do? Life is boring without those two. He has to find a new hobby.
He went back to the mansion and headed straight for his room. He turned on his laptop and went on online. He was scrolling through Mario and Peach's Twitter account. He loved how feminine Peach was and how Masculine Mario presented himself. The two were attractive in his eyes.
However, sometimes Bowser thought about what it would be like if he only had the one. Sometimes threesomes were exhausting. It wasn't as personal. He secretly wanted either of them to be gone, but then he would miss out on either the feminine or the masculine look.
Bowser was into both. He wished that Mario was a bit more feminine and Peach was a bit more masculine. However, that would never happen. Those two were a packaged deal. He had to sleep with both, not one or the other. Not that he would enjoy one on one with them. Peach was too girly and Mario was too manly. It wasn't a good balance.
None of this matters anymore. He no longer has his sexual partners because they're taking a break. He has to find someone new, but he's not into any of the other smashers. They're all strangers and they all seem normie as fuck.
He closed his laptop and walked around the mansion. He wanted to find a suitable sex partner.
As he was walking, he saw Lucina and Female Robin chatting. They were talking about lore in their game. Tch! Boring… He moved on.
He went to the food court and ordered himself food. He sat on a lone table and began eating. He was watching others and how they were acting.
Megaman was talking to some other characters that looked like him. Isabelle was chatting up a storm with her animal crossing friends. He listened in and they were talking about what she should do for her next live stream.
Samus was talking to Daisy about clothes and what not. Sora was talking to Link and those two would not shut up about being heroes in their game. Everyone is fucking boring.
?: "See, that's why I'm better than you."
?: "You're a sell out is what you are."
Wait, an argument? Bowser turned to face where he heard the argument. He saw Ness and Sonic eating together at a table. Bowser saw Sonic's back, but across from him was Ness. He was able to see the brunet's face well from his angle.
Sonic: "You're just jealous because I'm gettin' a movie and you're not."
Ness: "I don't care about your stupid movie."
Bowser: (Sassy.)
Sonic: "Hahaha! I can tell you're jealous."
Ness: "No, I'm not! And I'm not jealous. I don't even care about movies."
Sonic: "Riiight all you do is stick your nose in a book. What an egghead."
Ness: "That's why I'm more intelligent than you."
Sonic: "Ha! As if. I don't even need to read and I'm plenty smart."
Ness: "Here, solve this then."
Ness wrote down an equation in his notebook and handed it to the hedgehog.
Sonic: "Listen, I don't do the whole math shit. Besides, solving equations doesn't mean you're smart. It's about thinking quickly on your feet that makes you a genius."
Ness: "Hm~! You're right, Sonic."
Sonic: "See I told you I'm-
Ness: "No wonder why I've won more tournaments than you. Makes sense now~"
Ness smirked and winked at Sonic, which sent butterflies down Bowser's stomach.
Sonic: "Ha! If I used my canon powers you wouldn't stand a chance."
Ness: "Even with our canon powers, I would still win."
Sonic: "You really haven't done your research on Sonic The Hedgehog."
Ness: "I have. I know quite a bit about every smasher."
Sonic: "Ugh, creepy."
Ness: "It's not creepy. It's being informative. Understanding your foe to have the upper leverage."
Sonic: "Right you 'study' us. I forgot."
Ness: "What's with your tone?"
Sonic: "'Study' riiiight."
Ness: "What're you getting at?"
Sonic: "You just love studying our naked bodies, don't ya?"
Ness got all flustered, which turned Bowser on more. He went from being all cocky to folding in an instant.
Ness: "Y-you… I-I… I don't know what you're talking about. Hmph!"
He crossed his arms, closed his eyes, and turned his head. The sass in this boy is crazy.
Sonic: "Hahaha! Not so tough now, huh?"
Ness: "Go away.
Sonic: "You're a freak. Your porn history is the craziest shit I've ever seen."
Ness: "Shut up!"
Sonic: "Oh god and the crazy amount of CNC in there."
Bowser: (He's into CNC?!)
Ness: "Oh my god! Why are you even here? Don't you have friends?"
Sonic: "Too many to count."
Ness: "Then go hang out with them. Why are you hanging out with a nerd like me anyway?"
Sonic: "Changing the subject, are we?"
Ness: "G-go away."
Sonic: "Looks like I won this argument."
Ness: "You didn't win anything. Now get lost."
Sonic: "Whatever. I'm juicin'!"
With that Sonic sped off. Ness rolled his eyes. He rested his head on his hand and began reading a book while munching on chips.
Bowser could not stop staring at the boy. His whole demeanor screamed 'I'm better than you'. With his snobby sassy attitude and preppy school boy look.
Ness is not too masculine like Mario, but he has that heroic dominant vibe to him. He's not too feminine like Peach, but with enough teasing, he folds. He's a guy that can do both! The brunet is what he's been looking for!
Ness didn't take his eyes off his book. He had a pencil in his hand and started tapping it on the desk. He's annoyingly cute.
The brunet reached for his cup of water and as he was doing that, he locked eyes with Bowser. The two stared at each other for a couple seconds. Ness cringed and looked away.
Yikes, that's right. Things are awkward between them because Bowser sent him a dick pic on Twitter. Although the fact that Ness didn't like him, made Bowser want the nerd more.
He saw that Ness shoved his stuff back in his rucksack. He got up and started walking away.
Bowser got up and ran up to him.
Bowser: "Wait!"
Ness stopped. He sucked in a bit of air, turned around and said "hiii."
Bowser: "So uh, h-how's life?"
Ness: "Yeah um, it's ok."
Bowser: "Just ok?"
Ness: "It's good. Things are fine."
Bowser: (He's so awkward. I love it.) "So I was wonderin' if uh, you and I could possibly hang out sometime."
Ness: "T-together?"
Bowser: "Yeah."
Ness: "B-but we don't know each other."
Bowser: "I'm tryin' to get new friends."
Ness: "I don't know if you want to be friends with me. I'm awkward and a nerd."
Bowser: "I don't mind."
Ness: "You'll have a better time hanging out with someone like uh… Link! He loves talking. Oh, or someone like Sora. He's an extrovert."
Bowser: "No, I don't like them."
Ness: "Why? They're cool."
Bowser: "They're annoying."
Ness: "I'm annoying."
Bowser: "In a cute way."
Ness: "!"
Bowser: (Shit! Did I say that out loud?) "Uh… Hehe."
Ness: "I-I… What?!"
Bowser: "I didn't mean to say it like that! I was thinking about Peach!"
Ness: "R-right. Ok, um, well this was a good talk, but I have something to do, so I'll see you around."
Bowser: "Ok, I'll see you. Oh, um, wait."
Ness forced a toothy smile.
Ness: "Yes?"
Bowser: "Can I have your number? So we can keep in touch."
Ness: "Ah… Um, well you see, I… *Sighs* S-sure."
The two traded numbers.
Bowser: "Thanks! I'll text you."
Ness: "Yeah me too…"
With that he watched Ness speed walk away. He knew the psychic didn't want to be around him and honestly that made things more exciting for the dragon.
For the rest of the day he hung out with his friend Ganondorf at Villain's Pub.
Ganon: "And then she was like yes you did and I was like no I didn't."
Bowser: "Mhm."
Ganon: "Like who the fuck does she think she is? She took the last goddamn pumpkin spice latte. I called her out for being a basic bitch and then she calls me a ginger fuck."
Bowser: "Damn."
Ganon: "That fuckin' dog bitch Isabelle She's lucky she got millions of followers because I would've beat her."
Bowser: "Yeah."
Ganon: "I ain't gettin' canceled over smashbucks coffee. I love bein' here in smash."
Bowser: "Me too."
Ganon: "Hey, you good?"
Bowser: "Yeah."
Ganon: "You seem out of it."
Bowser: "Sorry, I got a lot on my mind."
Ganon: "Is it about Mario and Peach?"
Bowser: "Y-yeah."
Ganon: "Oh no, did the threesome not go well?"
Bowser: "It didn't happen."
Ganon: "What!"
Bowser: "Mario and Peach broke up."
Ganon: "Holy shit! What happened?!"
Bowser: "It's because of the crazy shit that Mario did."
Ganon: "I don't blame Peach for breaking up."
Bowser: "I don't either, it's just a bummer because the threesome agreement is off."
Ganon: "Damn, sex is mad important to you. What're you gonna do now?"
Bowser: "I guess just jerk off."
Ganon: "That isn't enough for you."
Bowser: "I know. My libido is so high. I'm gonna be miserable."
Ganon: "Maybe you can fuck with Luigi."
Bowser: "I like that he acts girly, but he's too submissive. There's no fight with him. Also he's ugly Mario."
Ganon: "He and Mario look similar."
Bowser: "I dunno. I don't like Luigi's head shape. It's too long."
Ganon: "That's shallow."
Bowser: "There's a reason why I don't have a lot of partners, Ganon."
Ganon: "Well then who is your type?"
Bowser: "Someone who has a sweet face like Peach, but not too sweet. I also want this person to be feisty like Mario."
Ganon: "Feisty, huh?"
Bowser: "A brat."
Ganon: "Why not find someone submissive like Peach? All the guys dig that."
Bowser: "No, I want a challenge. I want some kind of fight. Peach is… Well, she's too boring."
Ganon: "Then why did you smash that?"
Bowser: "It wasn't just with her. Mario was there too to balance things out."
Ganon: "You never had one on one sex?"
Bowser: "No."
Ganon: "What!"
Bowser: "I'm ok with the threesome. It's fun, but I've been thinkin', what if I found someone that wasn't into me at all."
Ganon: "Uh…"
Bowser: "But I force it anyway. There's no acting. It's like a genuine fight over dominance. And because my dick is good, they'll like it in the end."
Ganon: "That's… Holy shit."
Bowser: "I know I know. It's bad. I wouldn't actually do that. It's just a fantasy."
Ganon: "I know we're villains, but if you did that, you would actually be a villain."
Bowser: "I know…"
Ganon: "Well, maybe you can find someone who's into that sort of kink."
Bowser: "Yeah… Um…"
Ganon: "Did you find someone already?"
Bowser: "N-no. He's not into stuff like that. Wait, actually…"
Bowser recalled the time when Sonic and Ness were chatting at the table. Sonic was calling out Ness for his creepy search history. He remembered Sonic saying that the psychic was into CNC.
Ganon: "He? Who is this guy?"
Bowser: "I refuse to tell you."
Ganon: "You already found someone!"
Bowser: "No! It's not like that. We only talked once."
Ganon: "Who is it! Tell me! Is he from the Mario universe?"
Bowser: "No, I… No."
Ganon: "No way! He's some rando in smash! Who is he?!"
Bowser: "I'll tell you another time. I'm not comfortable." *Blushes*
Ganon: "Oh my god. Bowser found a new crush."
Bowser: "S-shut up! Don't tell anyone. Everyone thinks I'm only into Peach and I'd like to keep it that way."
Ganon: "Nobody cares if you're bi."
Bowser: "I don't want to get any attention about it ok."
Ganon: "Ok, ok, I won't say anything."
The two said their goodbyes and went back to their rooms. Bowser couldn't stop thinking about his new crush. He replayed the event when Ness and Sonic were arguing. The way the brunet stood his ground, but eventually cracked when he couldn't find a come back turned Bowser on. He finally found someone who can do both. His perfect balance.
Character Card
Name: King Bowser
Segment Title: King Koopa
Sex: M
Age: 34
Height: 6'8
Mental Illness: Anger issues
Ethnicity: Koopa
Body Type: Monster
Fashion: Loves wearing spike chockers and bracelets
Personality: Hot headed, freaky, gets angry easily, emotional, fatherly, can be extremely caring, just wants to be loved
Skills: Planning, scheming, fighting, nat 20 on intimidation, strength is maxed out, driving, designing
Hobbies: Sex, crochet, baking, creating levels, floor planning, interior design, playing the ukulele
