The Tide Rises, the Tide Falls
By Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
The tide rises, the tide falls,
The twilight darkens, the curlew calls;
Along the sea-sands damp and brown
The traveller hastens toward the town,
And the tide rises, the tide falls.
Darkness settles on roofs and walls,
But the sea, the sea in the darkness calls;
The little waves, with their soft, white hands,
Efface the footprints in the sands,
And the tide rises, the tide falls.
The morning breaks; the steeds in their stalls
Stamp and neigh, as the hostler calls;
The day returns, but nevermore
Returns the traveller to the shore,
And the tide rises, the tide falls.
Chapter 1 Goodbye
One final day in Forks Washington, the place of my birth. The place where my family became whole when my Father, Edward Cullen met my Mother, Isabella Swan. The place where their worlds had been turned completely upside down time and time again as they struggled to find their path together. It is December now, much like many of the months in Forks the sky is constantly gray and uninviting as if mother nature itself is asking you to leave in as gentle of a manner as she possibly can. I wouldn't have chosen any other place on this earth to start my life. This place is quiet, kind and there is so much more here than meets the eye. Those who want for more merely fail to see the beauty that surrounds them, the small details that make a town a hometown. The sadness that comes along with this departure runs through my body and seeps deep into the very roots which my own family planted me within as they raised me in this town. The woods where I hunted for the first time. The home where I took my first steps. The lake I learned how to swim in, the home where my grandparents lived until Charlie passed away. My beloved grandfather who kept the secret of the Cullen's until his last breath. The man who would have done anything for me, for my mother no matter the consequences. No other man's love whom I had ever come in contact with was quite as unconditional as Charlie's was, as it is, for my mother and I. Not even my Father's or Jacobs though I will say they are equally most certainly close seconds.
The air was still and crisp though a slight breeze every now and then chilled my face. The snow on the trees settled beautifully as if it had been staged to perfection for a photograph. It was hard to believe a place like this could be real and yet so perfect at the same time. Perhaps I am simply far too filled with my own bias but everywhere I looked was yet another painting waiting at auction to be sold to the highest bidder. If I could live here forever and my immortality go unnoticed I would. Not just for the scenery but for the extended family I would have to leave behind now. For 53 years my family had danced with the troubles possible exposure could bring just so I could have a relationship with Charlie, Sue and Seth. So that Jacob could care for his father until the time of his passing and watch out for the young men who had joined his and Sam's packs until they were ready to let go of their wolves and rejoin human society. The strain this life had put on my family was hidden from me however I was much more perceptive than any of them ever gave me credit for. I knew Aunt Rose and Jasper especially were beginning to lose their patients with the matter, as if either of them had never known loss in quite the way I was experiencing it. It was very different for both of them, definitely more tragic, as they were ripped away from their families, never allowed to contact them again for their families safety as their love would have never been able to control the threat they posed to their families as newborns. However this was all completely different, not that I think that I am special or should be treated any differently, as I am no longer a child but Charlie was incredibly important to my mother and I. We are his legacy, his last remaining blood relatives, his heart. How can you leave a man with little more than a phone call now and again when you know you are his everything? Perhaps a stronger granddaughter could have weighed the risk of exposure as higher than the reward and stayed away, but if it is strength I lack in that matter then I am glad. The memories I made with Charlie will live on within me, I will pass them down to my own children and they will know their great grandfather, as well as I did, they will feel his love as whole heartedly as I did. For that I will never apologize.
As I continued on my walk through the woods I heard the familiar crackle of leaves and sticks. A doe I had caught the scent of a few miles back was now in my line of sight. The doe was completely white, an albino, simply beautiful. Even if I had been hungry I had no heart to hunt nor would I hunt this beautiful creature as they are quite sacred to the Native people. A sign of good fortune. So I decided to simply follow her closely behind. Seeing the forest one last time through her pink eyes as I followed her path while she weaved and wondered about looking for food. The grace of these creatures had always blown me away. Though they were my family's main source of food supply as they fawned in abundance within the Olympic peninsula thanks to a breeding program Esme headed to keep the family well fed, I still felt quite attached to them in a way that had always made hunting quite difficult for me. They were as much a part of Forks as the trees, the wind, the rain and the dark clouds that gloomed down upon my hometown from above.
The doe was only eight or nine feet in front of me now. I thought of how quick I could take its life, even in my condition. Though you might think it perhaps a twisted thought the Vampire side of me couldn't help but ponder when a potential meal was around. It would be a bit of a mess, but overall it would be quite simple to end this doe's life quickly and painlessly. The fate of this white doe however would never have been mine to decide, she belonged to the woods, besides I would never have allowed myself to take away the opportunity to deny another to come across her potentially and reminded of what she stood for. As these woods had taken care of me all these years I trusted with every ounce of my being that it would take care of her. I took a deep breath so I could savor her scent one last time, in order to remind myself of how sacred all living things truly are, before I decided to part ways as she had brought me fairly deep into the woods and it was only a matter of time before someone came looking for me. Our time together was up.
"Good luck." I spoke gently, my words cutting through the silence of the forest and provoking the doe to take off running away from the sound.
I watched until she was out of my view completely. Once again I was alone with nothing but beautiful silence that surrounded me to keep me company. Though I knew the dangers that could lurk about, I still felt completely safe. Perhaps a slight bit of my naive youth still lingered within me. Though I knew danger and had been made to face what might possibly be the most threatening of all dangers at a very young age, I still wholeheartedly believe that when I was home I was safe. From Forks to La Push I had roamed and explored nearly every corner of the woods with only a few sprained ankles and wrist, injuries of my own doing from my younger more restless days, to show as signs of danger. No one had ever challenged me or my family since the Volturi decided to keep the peace. My Father still believes that one day Aro will come for him and Alice and perhaps my mother as well as their talents still appeal to Aro more than any other Vampires ever have. More than Jane and Alec even according to Alice. However there has been no sign in Alice's visions and the Volturi had not tried to contact Carlisle since their encounter with Alice on the day they came to destroy my family after being given false information about how I came to life. Aunt Alice and my Father still to this day would not tell anyone in our family what she showed Aro, it drove Jasper crazy for a short spell; due to his fierce need to protect her and our entire family from every angle possible, but his love for Alice eventually superseded his desire to know a future that never was. Sometimes I wondered if Aro had told his coven or if the secret would remain with him, Alice and my Father until the end of their times.
When I was younger I would make guesses, write them in an essay and hand them to Alice but eventually I began to feel as if she did not exactly appreciate my creative writing. Somewhere in a box now stuffed away in my new home, deep in the mountains of Denali Alaska where our large combined family compound was now settled, the essays still sat tucked away in storage. My Mother insisted that I keep them all so that if one day Alice and my Father ever decided to open up we could compare notes essentially to the stories I had written. My Mother was wonderful at turning something that dampened my mood into a positive. When I could not smile she knew exactly what to do. Though her skin was cold her essence and love was as strong and warm as Jacob. The two of them together are my Sun, my Father, my Moon and my family, my world. Without them I would be incredibly lost and alone.
Again I caught a scent as the breeze shifted slightly north. It was all too familiar and I knew its carrier was coming for me. Most likely trying to slowly find its way over to me so as not to interrupt my time alone. Though my legs were cold and tired, I decided to walk away from the scent though slowly enough for its carrier to be able to catch up quickly enough. The clouds were getting darker now and I realized I must have been out here much longer than I originally anticipated to be. Night was coming and with it my unfortunate need to rest. When I was young I loved to sleep, more specifically to dream really. It was exciting, a movie inside my head that I could control. Bending the rules of a dream to my will fascinated me and my family as they sometimes placed my hand upon their cheeks so they could watch along. "The Nessie Show" as Emmett so kindly named it when I was two. My family would often speak about it as if I had been directing a major motion picture. At first it was endearing and made me feel special but as I aged it of course turned into a complete invasion of privacy and unfortunately for my fans the show was canceled for good. Yet another note in Carlisle's books, a sign of my changing and maturing in age. So much had changed since then, much more than I had ever thought possible. Though the memories were plentiful I could recall each one as if it had happened yesterday, a strange talent whose purpose I still didn't quite understand.
A strong kick to my rib cage knocked the wind out of me slightly, stopping me in my stride as I took a moment to rest and catch my breath. Being pregnant is certainly not at all what it is chalked up to be. Sometimes I felt like Aunt Rose intentionally lied just so she could have another baby around. Of course it didn't help that my Father completely agreed with that theory. However she helped raise me and has loved me through the thick and thin, I would never think less of her even if I did feel misinformed on the topic. My Mother reminded me that Rosalie had never been pregnant and in her day the women around her were well off and simply did not complain. To them everything was always perfect, it was simply just a mask they wore of course, the truth was much more complicated and hidden behind their carefully curated public personalities. A rock large enough for me to sit on finally came along in my path and I decided to take the opportunity to take the weight off of my freezing feet. I did not dress warm enough to be out here this long. My belly was using up all my heat to protect the baby at this point and though I felt like I had just run a marathon I was freezing. Thankfully my stalker who moonlighted on the side as my taxi was nearby.
"Ness?" Jacob called out as he carefully approached the rock I was perched on. "Are you ready to go home now? No rush just you know, it's getting late and you've been out here all day. If you need more time I'll wait all night, but I know you're cold. Here." Jacob said as he wrapped his coat around my shoulders, "at least take this."
The coat was the same brown leather coat he had had for three decades now. My Father had bought it as a gift when he graduated college with honors. A simple gift but one that showed a step in the direction of peace and understanding. It was loaded with his scent and most importantly his warmth. If someone told me that the entire time I had known Jacob that I was delusional and had been carrying around a radiator this entire time I would believe them. The man is unnaturally warm even for a Shape Shifter. My mother agreed with me on that; she shared memories with me over time of her time as a human when she and Jacob were very close. A time when Jacob thought he was in love with her, she had the same thought every time she touched his skin. Though in my twenties these stories had made me feel awkward as my feelings for Jacob began to evolve beyond our original bond, it was my Mother who eventually gave me the courage to seek a new kind of happiness. My Father was indifferent as he still believed at that time that 24 was far too young to date, let alone someone of Jacobs age and position within our family. However, that was easily overshadowed in conversation with the simple fact that my mother was 17 and he was 104 when he fell in love with her, not to mention the initial chaos my Mothers presence brought into the Cullen household. The rest of the family acted as if it were simply a long time coming which made us both feel awkward at first but that eventually dissipated as things between us progressed naturally. Though it was strange at first to break out of our old habits, it quickly became quite refreshing and exhilarating to create new one's together as time passed and our relationship strengthened.
"We got married here you know." I said finally looking into Jacobs eyes.
"Yes, I remember. I was the groom if I recall correctly." Jacob chucked.
"Real funny Jacob, try not to say that in front of Emmett because he will take that and run."
Jacob replied only with a sarcastic smile as he slowly clapped while I giggled at my own dark comment. Though this type of humor was frowned upon within our family, it was always fun to poke at Jacob who genuinely never had a single intention of standing beside me as my husband today. If I had wanted to simply be friends or keep our "sibling bond" intact my entire life he would have followed my lead, even if I married someone else as long as I was happy he would have been content and lived alongside my family to support and guide me as I lived my life regardless of my decisions.
"Sorry, you put it out there I couldn't help it." I said as I whipped away a tear of happiness.
"You're just as bad as your Father, you know that?" Jacob said as he sat down next to me, doubling the warmth on my left side almost instantly.
"Yeah well, you're the one who wanted to marry me so bad. Maybe you should have cut your losses with Bella and went for Edward, could have saved yourself some waiting." I replied, continuing to laugh hard.
"Right-yeah. Says the woman who planned and executed an entire wedding in a single week." Jacob argued.
"Well would you rather have had that or should I have let Esme, Alice and Rose take over France and crown us the King and Queen and throw us a royal wedding? Because that's genuinely the vibe I was getting from them. Trust me I was just trying to save us both from being drowned in a year long wedding celebration." I replied as I calmed myself and slipped my arms into the jacket's sleeves.
"Well uh-thank you then I guess? On behalf of myself and France too of course."
"You're both very welcome." I said as I kissed his warm brown lips.
"Ness you're starting to feel a little undead, any chance you're almost done here?" Jacob said clearly worried as his tone became more pushy.
"I thought you said no rush?" I reminded him.
"We can always stay another day, if you don't start to freeze to death out here that is."
"We don't even know if that's possible." I argued mindlessly.
"Ness."
"Oh my god. Fine." I groaned as I stood up as quickly as I could with my large belly, using Jacobs shoulder to steady myself, "I am ready to be carried away I suppose."
"Are you sure about that?" Jacob asked as he wrapped his hands around my waist.
"I'm sure." I replied as I wrapped my hands around his neck and kissed him once more.
"It doesn't have to be goodbye for good." Jacob whispered into my ear as we hugged tightly. "In fact I'm quite certain it won't be."
"I know, but it should be. If not for good for at least for a very very long time. Denali is our home now. It's where we all belong, together. Plus I know you're missing your boyfriends." I joked to brighten my own mood.
"Hey leave Emmett and Garrett out of this or I might literally start to cry." Jacob whimpered playfully.
"Aww honey, don't be sad, you'll be with them in just a couple of days."
"Not soon enough." Jacob replied as he buried his head in my chest.
We both laughed for a moment and then Jacob stood up, backed away and began to undress, while putting on a show he most certainly intended for me to remember for when I was back near my Father, it made me laugh but it would certainly piss my Father off. I made a mental note to pack this memory away for my Father's sake. Even now, when we had been married for 15 years and were expecting our first child together after years of no luck in the matter, my father still was disgusted by my sexual relationship with Jacob. However, as my Father he certainly had every right to be. I imagine my Father was simply living in a constant state of nightmare when my Mother wasn't around to offer her shield as relief for him. I genuinely hope my child does not have their grandfather's talent, not even a variation.
Once his dance was over Jacob neatly folded up his clothes and I placed them in the pockets inside of the leather jacket that Alice had fashioned so that he could turn his coat into a carrier bag for his clothes as he traveled in his wolf form. It's a wonder how this coat has survived Jacob this long. Jacob backed very far away, I thought it was a ridiculous distance and rolled my eyes at him but he gave me a look that I knew meant safety over anything and I relaxed myself as he shifted. A marvel truly to watch. Beautiful yet disgusting at the same time. I often wonder what will be the fate of our child. Will it be immortal or will it carry the more human side of both of our genes? Either way I will love it with all that I am until the day I die, I will cherish every moment and take in all that I can. No gift is greater than that of motherhood. Though I was uncomfortable now the pain would not last forever, in fact it would soon pass as I was nearing my due date now and I already knew I would miss this too.
"What about the name Forpush if it's a girl?" I questioned Jacob as he began to kneel for me.
Jacob froze and looked me in my eyes. At first he was shocked and then appalled as he stuck his tongue out and pretended he was about to vomit.
"Can't blame a girl for trying." I laughed as I grabbed onto his neck while he groaned. "Man this really isn't getting any easier." I pulled Jacobs' hair once more to pull myself up to a comfortable position a little harder than I intended and he over-dramatically groaned louder than before, this time possibly in a bit of pain. "Sorry hun, your kid is fat I don't know what to tell you."
Jacob blew air through his nose and shook his head as if to laugh. I laughed with him and as his body warmed my own we took off in a light jog back towards our car.
"Goodbye Forks, goodbye La Push, for now." I whispered to the trees as we passed though, hoping the wind would carry my words throughout the forest.
Jacob stopped to howl one last time, but no one howled back, it was time to leave this place. It had outgrown us and us it, but we would never forget where we came from and we would forever be grateful for these towns, these woods and those who walked among them.
