This was originally posted as chapter 7 of the "Short & Sweet" series and takes place the morning after Olivia and Amanda's discussion in Liv's office during "Gambler's Fallacy" - season 15, episode 17.

"Short & Sweet" was a series of standalone one-shots (for the most part, anyway; occasionally a storyline would consist of a few chapters instead of just one).

This is my second repost of the day (two angsty friendship stories) so the next post won't be for at least a few days and will be a lighthearted romance story. :)

I hope the reposts are still being enjoyed. Thank you for the kind comments on my other stories.


The insistently loud buzzing in her ear jolts Amanda awake, a blinding headache slashing downward through her skull like someone is stabbing a knife repeatedly into her brain, her gritty eyes slowly cracking up and darting from side to side in confusion as she takes in her surroundings. Instead of finding herself curled up in her comfortable bed in her cozy apartment, the side of her face is pressed roughly into cold pavement, the hard ground scraping against the bruised and tender skin of her cheek, and she can hear the sounds of city life over the noise of her phone; the scuffle of boots on the sidewalk, the honking of horns from the street, and the shouts of a group of school children rushing by.

Amanda feels both extremely drunk and incredibly hungover at the same time, and it takes her several minutes to work out exactly what is going on here; that she is outdoors in the chilly March air and is lying in a shivering heap in a freezing alleyway between two buildings, the concrete dusted lightly with snow and reeking of waste from the trash bins that are lined up near the edge of the road. Her tongue seems to be wadded up inside her mouth like a giant ball of cotton and all she can taste is last night's booze and cigarettes, the harsh smell of the alcohol and smoke clinging to her rumpled hair and disheveled clothing like a second skin.

Amanda frowns down at herself and recognizes yesterday's work outfit; the black dress pants, white blouse and tan blazer tucked haphazardly beneath the long winter coat that hasn't been buttoned properly and the scarf that is wound so tightly around her neck, it is practically choking her. Bits and pieces of the night are now coming back to her disturbing flashes; stumbling out of the precinct distraught and bereft after her conversation with Olivia, the sergeant stating in no uncertain terms that she no longer trusts her and would have her transferred immediately if they weren't so short-staffed.

She has been so overwhelmed with everything that has been going on lately; her descent back into the complete and utter hell of addiction, working undercover at the gambling club to pay off her debts, and meeting Lieutenant Murphy, who had treated her so terribly. Olivia's proclamation in her office had just been the icing on top of a rapidly disintegrating cake, Amanda's life spiraling wildly out of control until she could no longer recognize herself and was left scrambling to pick up any familiar crumb of the person she used to be. The fact that Olivia no longer trusts her; that the woman she has looked up to and admired for years doesn't even want her in the same precinct anymore, had been the final straw and caused Amanda to flee the building as soon as she was able, ignoring any concern from Fin and Nick in her mad dash to escape her place of work and seek out the nearest bar to drown her sorrows.

She would be damned if she was going to head straight to a casino and make everything even worse than it already was, but there had been nothing wrong with indulging in a few drinks while enjoying a cigarette, just to calm down from the day and try to put a stop to all of the images that were assaulting her mind from her time at the club. Of course, a few drinks had soon evolved into so many that Amanda had lost count, and one cigarette had turned into an entire pack, and she had found herself stumbling along the sidewalk from one bar to the next before locating a private little club tucked away in a back corner of the street that served alcohol until sunrise. She had continued to drink with hearty enthusiasm before being kicked out of the last establishment at closing time and promptly collapsing into an exhausted drunken heap in the alleyway outside, unable to make it home.

She belatedly remembers that Olivia had asked the entire squad to be in early that day, as they are falling behind on their cases, and she reaches under her cheek to retrieve her phone, the device digging painfully into her skin and still buzzing in a most annoying fashion, briefly wondering how she had wound up with it buried beneath her face. Upon squinting at the screen through disconcertingly blurry eyes, Amanda is suddenly overcome with a wave of panic, the intense anxiety slicing through the haze of alcohol and the excruciating hangover that has already taken hold, seemingly rendering her stone cold sober in the space of a few seconds.

She lurches into a sitting position, the world spinning sickeningly around her in a whirl of snowy white, and Amanda realizes that her fingers are so stiff with cold, she can barely grip the phone despite her hands being encased in gloves, quickly scrolling through several missed calls and texts. There are a couple from Nick and a few from Fin, but the large majority of them are from her boss, each of Olivia's messages more impatient and angry than the one before, and Amanda's stomach turns over as her phone begins ringing in her hand, the name Olivia Benson flashing across the screen.

She raises the device to her ear with a trembling hand and desperately tries to quell the overwhelming urge to vomit, uttering a quiet "Hello?" before clearing her throat.

"Wow, nice of you to finally pick up, Rollins," Olivia snaps without preamble and she winces at the harsh tone of her sergeant's voice, the sound cutting painfully through her brain. "You're very late. I thought I made myself clear when I said everyone had to be in early today. You are certainly no exception to the rule and in light of what has been going on lately, I would've figured you'd be the first one here. Where the hell are you?"

"I-I'm sorry," Amanda stutters out, struggling to get to her feet only to fall back down to the ground again, her shaking legs too unsteady to hold her up. "I-I overslept. I'm just getting dressed. I'll be in soon."

"You're just getting dressed?" Olivia's tone is suspicious when she answers and Amanda can picture the look on her face right now; the dark brows deeply furrowed and plump lips pursed into a grimace of disappointment. "It sounds like you're out on the street. I can hear the traffic. Are you almost here?"

"I..." Amanda trails off, her sleep-deprived mind struggling to come up with some sort of excuse when she realizes there is not a hope in hell of getting out of this without Olivia knowing that she is lying. "I- I don't know where I am." Her voice is low and full of shame as she admits this, glancing warily up at the unfamiliar buildings that are surrounding her and big blue eyes quickly welling with tears.

"You don't know where you are?" Olivia's sharp voice has softened somewhat when she speaks again, confusion and concern piercing though the anger now. "What's going on, Amanda? Why don't you know where you are?"

"I'm sure I'll figure it out in a minute," she mumbles defensively, trying to get to her feet once more but her shuddering legs still refusing to cooperate. "If I could just stand up...I'm so cold...God, my head hurts so much..."

"Amanda." Olivia's voice is sharp again, but this time there is blatant worry and a noticeable edge of alarm lacing her tone. "You need to tell me what's happening right now. I need you to figure out where you are and then I'm coming to pick you up."

"No, no..." Amanda protests weakly, shaking her head vigorously as if Olivia can somehow see the gesture through the phone, and instantly regretting the action as her stomach lurches threateningly once again. "You don't need to come get me. I'll be in soon, okay?"

"Amanda, have you been drinking?" Olivia's voice is shockingly gentle and devoid of judgment when she asks the question, and she is horrified to find the tears spilling down her cheeks in a waterfall of shame and regret, dripping off her chin one by one to stain her winter coat.

All that emits from her mouth is a muffed, broken sob in response, and Amanda's eyes squeeze closed as she listens to her sergeant's soft voice instructing her to stay calm and assuring her that everything is going to be alright. Amanda only cries harder now that the anger has been leached from Olivia's tone, knowing full well that she is undeserving of her boss' kindness as her knees curl into her chest and her shivering body encircles itself into the smallest ball possible to keep warm.

The sudden loud banging of a door against the brick wall of one of the nearby buildings causes Amanda to jump in fright, her head whipping up to see a large man with a garbage bag clenched in one fist peering down at her in perplexity from an open doorway, before his expression takes on a look of familiarity and his eyebrows pull together in a frown.

"Get the fuck out of here, lady!" he scowls indignantly, flapping an impatient hand at her as he tosses the bag to the ground with a thump, the stench of leftover beer and pizza and chicken wings immediately rising into the air as it hits the pavement. "Didn't I kick you out of here earlier? This is private property. Get the hell out of here before I call the cops."

The absurdity of the situation sends an unintended laugh bubbling up inside of Amanda's throat, neglecting to tell him that she is a cop and struggling to hold down the bitter chuckle as Olivia's somewhat frantic voice sounds in her ear again, demanding to know what is going on and if she is okay. When Amanda assures her that she's fine and it's just the bartender trying shoo her away, Olivia asks her to get the address from him and says that she will be there as soon as she can to pick her up. The man scowls at her again while rattling off the address of their current location, snapping forcefully that she had better be gone within the next twenty minutes and dropping in a few more f-bombs for good measure, before slamming the door shut and leaving Amanda alone in the alley once again.

The brief spark of amusement she had felt at this ridiculous and embarrassing situation has died down as quickly as it had arrived, and the tears are streaking her cheeks just as heavily as they were before the conversation with the bartender, waiting in huddled shame for her boss to arrive and pick her up like a some drunken teenager who is unable to make her way home without help.

Amanda doesn't know how much time has passed and finds herself falling back to sleep, too cold and tired and hungover to stay awake, before she feels a gentle hand come to rest on her shoulder, squeaking in surprise as her eyelids fly open to see the concerned gaze of her sergeant. Her face crumples in relief and guilt when she realizes that Olivia is kneeling down beside her in the filthy alleyway and is actually removing her own winter coat to place around Amanda's quaking shoulders, leaving her boss to shiver lightly in the chilly air.

"He didn't even let you wait inside?" Olivia asks quietly, tilting her head to indicate the bartender that she had overhead while on the other end of the phone.

Amanda shakes her head slowly, her tear-filled eyes sliding away from the older woman's intense and probing gaze, and she has to fight the urge to collapse into her embrace as Olivia shifts closer to her shuddering body and wraps a strong arm around her shoulders. She is sure that she must look absolutely terrible and smell just as bad after spending the night in multiple bars and then lying in a trash-strewn alley, especially compared to her boss who is looking as sleek and fashionable as ever, but if Olivia is bothered in any way by her bedraggled appearance or unpleasant odor, she doesn't give any indication of it.

"Amanda, we need to get you out here right away, you could have hypothermia," she informs her somewhat urgently, Amanda instinctively snuggling closer for warmth and comfort, even though her brain is screaming at her to pull away and stagger to her feet and run. She has done nothing but disappoint this woman and bring embarrassment to herself and her squad; messing up over and over again, and Olivia has been able to see past her anger to come to Amanda's rescue, leaving the busy precinct in her subordinate's time of need when they are already so short-staffed.

"I'm sorry, Liv," she sobs in anguish, unable to get her frozen limbs to cooperate enough to unglue themselves from the ground and get up to make the short walk to Olivia's car that is parked at the curb. "God, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for everything. I screwed up so badly. I just needed a break from everything; I wanted to get it all out of my head and forget for the evening, and now I've gone and screwed up yet again."

She feels both of Olivia's arms tightening around her now, the older woman tucking Amanda's quivering frame against her chest and guiding her head down to rest on her shoulder, gloved fingers coming up to thread themselves through wild tangles of golden hair and stroking soothingly over her aching head and down her shaking back. Amanda's tears will not be contained as they continue to stream down her cheeks in rivulets and she pushes her face into the soft blue sweater that her sergeant is wearing, the borrowed coat that is wrapped around her own jacket smelling like Olivia; like safety and security and solace.

"We're going to fix this, Amanda," her boss is murmuring into her ear as she cries, rubbing firm circles into her back as if to try and infuse her with some warmth. "We're going to get you some help, okay? You're not alone in this. I'm here with you."

"I don't-" Amanda is choking as she speaks, overwhelmed with so many emotions that she cannot seem to get a handle on them. "I don't deserve your help. I've lost your trust. I don't deserve anything. I know that I need to get back into your good graces but I don't know how."

"Everyone deserves help," Olivia replies softly but firmly, and Amanda feels a hand grasping onto her chin and tilting her head up so that she is eye to eye with her boss, those wide dark eyes boring into her own damp blue ones with a kindness that melts her heart. "And trust can be regained. I don't want you to worry about getting back into my good graces; I just want you to worry about yourself right now, okay? I know I came down very hard on you and I'm sorry I haven't noticed how much you've been struggling lately, but I'm here for you now."

Amanda nods in grateful affirmation as a low whimper escapes from mouth, and she feels herself being hoisted slowly to her feet as Olivia's arms remain tightly wrapped around her, the other woman beginning to lead her out to the car; to the promise of plush seats and blasting heat and much-needed rest. She is unable to stop herself from tucking her face into Olivia's neck as they walk with careful steps out to the busy sidewalk, her tears wetting her sergeant's skin above the collar of her sweater and Olivia whispering words of comfort into her ear.

"I've got you," her boss murmurs as they reach the vehicle and she unlocks the passenger door. "You scared me, Amanda. This is a very dangerous situation that could have ended horribly. Please come to me the next time you need a break from everything, okay? We can just talk instead of drinking. No matter how angry I am, I promise that I will always listen."

"Thank you, Liv," Amanda replies softly as the older woman helps her sit down inside the warm car, and for the first time in as long as she can remember, there is a trace of hope pushing through the darkness of her addiction; the comforting knowledge that she is no longer alone and the trust that has been lost can eventually be regained.