Trigger Warning: discussion of miscarriage
a/n: Many thanks to Time Keeper and poka for the very kind reviews. This will get a little dark for a few chapters but it won't stay dark.
Prompt: First Heartbreak
Chapter 9: Loss
Hermione found herself standing in front of a vaguely familiar lake. The world around her was formless and hazy. A thick fog no light could penetrate. Like her mind. She wasn't sure what was happening. Or had happened.
Lying filthy mudblood! I don't believe you! A voice echoed in the distance. Where had she heard that voice before? She felt too exhausted to work it out.
Hermione!
That was Harry. She was sure of it. She turned toward the sound but felt a terrible pain rip through her stomach. She groaned and nearly fell to her knees. Something cried behind her. A baby was there. It hadn't been there before. She was so confused. Compelled to check on the helpless baby, she walked over, picked it up. "Shh," she tried to comfort the infant girl. "I got you. I'll get you out of here." Looking around for her parents, she just needed to figure out where she was. Her hand reached to her pocket for her wand. It wasn't there. Snatchers. The snatchers took it. And then what?
Crucio!
White hot flames washed over her. She screamed, unable to control her herself. Now her knees did hit the ground with a bone jar force. Oddly the baby had calmed down despite the violent reaction. When Hermione regained her vision again she found herself laying on the grass, the infant next to her, looking at her with the most expressive green eyes. "Harry?" she asked and then shook her head. It wasn't Harry. It was a baby. And a girl. But she had his eyes. Movement on the water put Hermione on alert. Something was approaching in the fog. She gathered up the baby again, pressed her close to her chest as she got up on her feet. A boat broke through. Hermione caught a glimpse of the mountain in the distance. Plockton, a small village in Northern Scotland. It was her favorite family vacation. She had spent hours watching the fishing ships come and go from the docks. It looked like one was coming in. They might be able to help. She cautiously approached and was surprised to see two people walk across the water from the boat's stern. They had to be magical. They could be Death Eaters. Something about them made her trust them. As they got closer, she was in disbelief. She took a step back. This was a trick. She needed to run.
"Don't," a kind voice called out. "We won't hurt you. We're here to help you."
Hermione squinted. She was feeling light headed. She was going to faint.
The man ran up to her and helped her to a bench that appeared. "Easy, we've got you. Save your strength. You're going to need it to leave this place."
The woman sat next to Hermione to help support her, while the man stood close. "What is this place?" Hermione asked. She wasn't really in Plockton. She understood that much. Maybe some magical hide away?
"Well, that's complicated. Do you know who we are?"
Hermione nodded her head. "I do. But it doesn't make sense. Your Harry's parents. Lily and James."
Lily smiled kindly. "We are. You're Hermione?"
Hermione's eyes grew wide. The baby squirmed as her arms tightened at the shock. "How do you know that? Please. Something isn't right."
"Shh, it's confusing. We're here to help," Lily comforted her, wrapping her arm around Hermione's shoulders while checking on the infant. "What do you remember?"
Hermione closed her eyes. Tried to remember. "We were in Malfoy Manor. Bellatrix—" Hermione's hand flew up to her mouth as she remembered the excruciating pain she felt as Bellatrix tortured her. Then she understood. She looked down at the baby. Her baby. Harry's baby. "Oh. Oh no."
"I'm so sorry," James told her, pain evident on his face.
"You're here for her," Hermione sobbed. "I lost her." The pain was worse than anything she felt under Bellatrix's wand. "I couldn't protect her. I tried."
Lily pulled her into a side hug. "There was nothing to be done. The curse can't be blocked. Even if you had a wand."
Hermione looked down at the sweet face of the baby that wouldn't be born. Her tears had dropped down on her precious face. Gently Hermione wiped them away. "She has your eyes," she said to Lily painfully.
"She does. They're Harry's eyes," Lily agreed.
When Harry was mentioned, a new sorrow ripped through Hermione's heart. "He's lost so much. Did I die?"
James shook his head. "We're not here for you. We can't say what will happen when you go back, but you're free to go back. When you're ready."
How could she be ready? How could she leave her precious daughter behind? "I can't leave her," she said through a new wave of thick tears.
"I'm sorry, love," Lily soothed. "If you don't, you'll leave Harry."
It was an impossible choice.
James bent down to look Hermione in the eyes. "You need to live, Hermione. Harry needs you to live. We'll take care of her for you. She'll know love, she just won't know life."
Hermione leaned her head forward, felt his strong arms envelope her. It reminded her of Harry's gentle strength. They were right. She couldn't do anything for their child and she couldn't let Harry lose both of them in one day. Hermione tried to hand the infant to Lily but she couldn't quite manage it. Lily saw her struggle and with the practiced care of a mother, lifted the baby.
Hermione was blinded by her tears. How could losing someone she had never meant hurt so much, she wondered. They only just figured out she was pregnant. Only just gotten used to the idea of bringing a baby into the world despite the dangers. It was too late for a potion to work. There were muggle options, but it was complicated. In the end, they decided to take it one day at a time, knowing they might need to find a way to get her to Australia when it was time. Find her parents and try to come up with an explanation for why they were leaving a baby with them.
Harry hadn't tried to convince Hermione to stay in Australia, though she was ready to have that fight when the reality of it all drew closer. Despite all the complications, they were excited. Now. It was over. "We hadn't even picked a name for her yet," Hermione said. It seemed wrong to let her go without a name. Looking out at the tranquil lake, it was peaceful here. Even in her sorrow, there was still a feeling of peace. "Shiloh. Call her Shiloh." New sobs wracked her body.
Lily smoothed the fine hair on the perfectly round head. "Shiloh," she agreed and stood next to James. "You should go back. Go back to Harry. Tell him we love him and we're so proud of him. And you."
They were fading into the distance. Hermione felt panic. She wasn't ready. They said she could go when she was ready. There wasn't a choice. Or maybe she made it. She found herself staring up at a crystal chandelier. All she knew was pain. Bellatrix was yelling at the goblin. If he didn't back up her story she might just find herself back with Lily and James in a blink. To her disbelief he was corroborating her lie that the sword was a copy. How that would help them escape, Hermione wasn't sure. She'd done her part. She let the darkness take her, welcomed it to end the pain.
