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Author's Note: So. Here's the coffee shop AU that has very little to do with coffee.

Submitting Info:
Stacked with: Hogwarts 2.0 (T04); RAVEN (2024); MC4A (Fa-Yr7)
Individual Challenges: Major (Y); Pie Day; Feather Head; Flashers; Royal; Blood; Shield; Hogwarts MC; Hogwarts MC; Magical MC; Magical MC; Sandbox (Y); Cinematic; Reader; Coffee Life; Dreamers; Dreamers; Tossed Chum; Neurodivergent; Rian-Russo Inversion; Rian-Russo Inversion; Rian-Russo Inversion; In a Flash; Bucket Listing (Y); Eating Cake (Y); Exchange; Greatest Gift; Outer Limit; Two Cakes (Y); Salt Wrench; Zed Era; Rainbow Connection
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw
Assignment: Term 04 - Assignment 01
Subject [Task (Prompt): Astronomy [Task#1 (someone who is wrong)]
Other Hogwarts Challenges: Ravenclaw Month [02](Daphne Greengrass); Library [Legends & Lattes](Coffee Shop AU) Frenzy [Marvel#2](New York); Center [Errol](No Weasleys); Pokemon [Roggenrola](Lavender); Sept Bingo [C-3](Susan Bones)
RAVEN Challenges: A [99](Yelling/Shouting); Traits [79](Snarky); Colors [49](Lavender); Items [42](Icing/Frosting); Settings [09](Busy)
Other MC4A Challenges: Chim [Oatmeal](Protection; "Labour" - Paris Paloma; Yelling/Shouting); Hunt [Fa WD (Anxiety; Bisexual/Pansexual); Fa Set (Rainy; Tense); Fa Con (Cake; Doughnut; Hot Chocolate; Pie/Tart; Pumpkin); Fa Items (Pants/Trousers; Shoe); Fa Review (Major Fandom; Fem Narrator)]; Fire [Relief]; Garden [Noter (Pants/Trousers); Pests (Protective X); Tools (Heels); Flowers (Purple); Bricks (Turned Left Instead); Birds (Mint Chocolate)]; Hang [Phrase#01](n/a);
Representation(s): Post-War Era; Susan Bones; Daphne Greengrass; Coffee Shop AU
Primary & Secondary Bonus Challenges: Corvid Brain; Turtle-Duck; Second Verse (Bechdel Test; Ladylike; Not a Lamp; Persistence Still; White Dress; Sneeze Weasel; Teat Juice; Spinning Plates; Unwanted Advice; Deadliest Catch; For the Vine; Lovely Coconuts; Muck & Slime); Chorus (Odd Feathers; Pocky Pockets; Wabi Sabi; Delicious Lie; Tomorrow's Shade; A Long Dog; Larger than Life; Unicorn; Surprise!); Demo 1 (Civil Disobedience; Fruit Fly; Horrible Love); Demo 2 (Forked Path; Sitting Hummingbird; Soul-Like; Hot Stuff; Mermaid; Toto's Tribute; Gingersnap)
Tertiary & Generic Bonus Challenges: T3 (Terse; Thimble); SN (Rail; Intercept); FR (Satisfaction); O3 (Olivine); Once (Santa Fe); War (Sanctuary; Ennui); Mea (Ennui; Rampant)
Space Address (Prompt): SuB 5D (Fruit Salad); AU 3B (Law Enforcement); FaB 5A (Ceramic Mug); Set 2D (Coffee Shop);
Word Count: 607 words

(^^)
Coffee Karen
(^^)

Susan twisted her face into something resembling a smile as the bell above the door to the coffee shop rang out yet again. They had only been open for a few hours so far that rainy day and already it felt like it had been dragging on forever. It wasn't enough to make her regret not going into the Auror Corps and moving to New York City instead, but it was more than enough for her to wish for the day to be over.

To make matters even worse, this coffee shop (owned by fellow British wixen transplant Blaise Zabini) was amazingly enough not a Starbucks. It didn't have anything pumpkin spice or off of that copyrighted menu. The shop's name wasn't even something that sounded similar to Starbucks. Of course, this did nothing to stop the waves of people who came in and tried to order things that were only available at Starbucks.

"I want a Raccoon Cake Pop," the middle-aged blonde repeated for the third time. The bell above the door rang yet again. Susan was starting to contemplate whether she could cast a vanishing spell subtly enough that no one would notice the damn thing just disappearing. She took a deep breath to reign in her growing rage.

"As I've explained, ma'am," Susan tried again, "we do not have any cake pops, let alone ones shaped like raccoons. We do have a variety of other pastries available, including our Widow Claws and Minter Soldiers. Would you like one of those?"

"What I want is a RACCOON CAKE POP!" the Karen shouted. Her face flushed an unflattering shade of red. She even stomped her foot as she shook her oversized handbag. "Just give me what I want! I know you have them! WHY CAN YOU NOT UNDERSTAND A SIMPLE ORDER?!"

"One of us is definitely having a comprehension issue," Susan quipped dryly, "but I don't think it's me. I cannot give you what we do not have as we are not Starbucks."

"But you have pumpkin spice lattes!"

Susan blinked at the woman. The Karen looked triumphant, like her argument was something other than nonsense. Did this silly bint think that Starbucks owned the flavor that was literally everywhere this time of year?

"We also have mint hot chocolate, pumpkin spice cake, and triple berry tartlets. Did you have a point?"

"I demand you speak with your manager!"

"That would be me," Daphne announced as she came around the counter. She was dressed in a deep purple pants suit with a pale lavender blouse underneath. Her smile was sharp enough to stab someone. Her stiletto heels definitely could. (Susan had seen her do it to a would-be mugger once.) "I would be delighted to hear how denying you a sweet copyrighted by another business is somehow our problem."

"Your employee was rude to me!"

"Yes, she was," Daphne agreed readily. The Karen looked shocked to hear that.

"Well, you should scold her about that!"

"Oh, yes," Daphne agreed again. She turned towards Susan. "Susan. We've talked about this." There was a pause where the whole shop held their breath. "You don't have to put up with that kind of treatment."

"Yes, Ma'am," Susan answered demurely. It was all she could say without giving into the sudden urge to giggle. Daphne nodded regally as if she understood the dilemma.

"Now, if you'll go in that direction, you'll find the exit." Daphne gestured towards the main doors of the coffee shop. "Feel free to never return."

Karen sputtered a series of half-sentences her entire way out the door.

The bell sounded like a victory cheer this time.