PS20

So the big day had arrived. Funny, he felt like he was running away. But he wasn't running away, just running to his future. He had to think positively. Walking into the living room, Roy's serious face greeted him. Yup, Joanne had told. Roy's face said it all.

"Hey Roy," John waved. "How was your shift?" He smiled hoping to deflect some of his friend's anger.

"Interesting," Roy smirked as he kissed his children goodbye as they headed to school. "Make sure you say goodbye to Uncle Johnny since he won't be here when you get back."

Sure enough, both children came over, gave him the biggest kiss and hug he had felt in his entire life, making him feel guiltier then sin.

"Now kids, I'm coming back to visit," Johnny glared at his friend. "Really. I just got a place of my own is all. Besides you know I love your mom's cooking."

"All right, now hurry before you miss the bus," Joanne admonished as she led the children out of the house.

Well he knew Roy was royally pissed to put it mildly. The man was way too quiet.

"Hungry? Stupid question; when aren't you hungry?" quickly Roy sauntered to the kitchen forcing Johnny to follow.

Joanne returned shortly, kissed Roy and stated she had errands to run. Chicken, Johnny thought to himself. She hugged and kissed him on the cheek.

"Don't make yourself a stranger Johnny. You know how to use the phone, right?" She grinned and then left.

"You know Roy your whole family is a bunch of comedians, I tell ya," Johnny watched as Roy magically pulled food out of the oven.

"Sit," Roy ordered gently but firmly, finding a place setting for him.

"I ate," Roy brought in the food, went back to the kitchen and brought out coffee and milk. "You need your strength."

Digging in Gage saw his friend had a worried look in his eyes, pained and worried, like the few times when DeSoto thought he screwed up or he was injured. Duh, you ditz, you are fricken injured.

Finished, Johnny pushed his plate back ready for a serious discussion with his friend.

"I was goin to tell ya you know. I mean, hell Roy, I been living here rent free for four months. Don't ya think its time you get your privacy back?" Gage grinned hoping his argument worked.

Roy stared at him for a very long time and his injured arm.

"We have kids, we don't have any privacy. Johnny, you don't have to do this," DeSoto's blue eyes bored into him. "We don't mind, really."

"Sure ya don't Roy. That's why I feel like a third wheel," Johnny finished his coffee then reached into his pocket. "Here," he pushed a key and a piece of paper with his new address across the table. "As soon as I get a phone, you'll be the first person I call, 'kay?"

Standing up he headed to his room to finish the little packing he had left. Once the box was overflowing he took one last long look and then left. Roy was his shadow going to his bike.

"You'd better call me Johnny. Cause I know where you live now," Roy grinned.

"Well pally to quote your lovely wife, don't make yourself a stranger" Johnny offered his hand. "Thanks for everything, I mean it and I'm going to pay you back."

Roy returned the hand shake; he took one last look at the house, put his helmet on and hoped it hid his few scant tears. Waving goodbye he headed to his new place.

#######

It had been a week since he had moved out. He had called Roy once his phone was working and just had his first shift back to work. Manny seemed kinder, or maybe it was just his imagination. It didn't matter, he told himself as he went about making coffee.

A knock on the door surprised him. Going to the door he opened it to find Roy DeSoto.

"Hey c'mon in," Johnny ushered in him.

"Figured I'd give you a week to settle in," Roy stuck his hands in his pockets, not liking what he was seeing. For one, Gage's living room furniture consisted of a worn blue bean bag, a floor lamp with a paisley shade and a makeshift bookcase with no TV or stereo in sight. The apartment was smaller than he had imagined.

"Hey, want some coffee?" Johnny pointed to a small kitchen with a tiny counter and two unmatched bar stools along with a beat up avocado green refrigerator than contrasted with the goldish, brownish shag carpeting.

"Sure," Roy inhaled the sweet nectar; he had missed his friend's coffee. He pulled up a barstool and Gage gave him a cup. "What about you," he asked, knowing Johnny's penchant for coffee.

"I'm good, real good," Johnny grinned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Um, you don't mind?" Roy felt pressure on his bladder.

Johnny watched Roy's face carefully, then replied, "Take a right, can't miss it."

On the way to the head, Roy took a quick glance through the door of the bedroom to find an air mattress and a sleeping bag on top. There was table lamp on the floor along with a clock radio. He stole a quick glance in the cupboard next to the head to find it empty. Once in the bathroom, he noted a few towels and a washcloth. Doing his business helped calm down his anger; his friend shouldn't have to live like this.

"Kinda small?" Roy seated himself back on the barstool to find toast and jam too on a paper towel.

"Hey I don't need much, Roy. Besides it's not like I'm dating or anything," Johnny looked seriously at his friend. "Hey Roy I got to tell you something."

Roy put down his toast fearing the worst.

"Um, well," Johnny stumbled. "I never told you about the run that got me canned," Gage stuck his hands in his pockets. "I mean you warned me. God, did you warn me."

Roy could see just talking about the run hurt his friend. "Johnny, you don't have to tell me."

"Yeah, yeah I do. I mean you put up with me this long, huh pally?" Johnny grinned.

"Joanne didn't talk to you did she?" Roy could see it was tearing his friend up.

"No, really she didn't." Johnny pressed his hand to his chest." You deserve to know, you know." Johnny countered, knowing Roy could see right through him.

Roy nodded and waited while Johnny got it together. He held his coffee cup tighter.

Johnny settled himself against the kitchen counter, pushed his hands in his pockets, sighed and then began.

"It was lousy weather like last week. You know raining sheets and sheets, we didn't even finish roll call and we were rolling. Californians don't know how to drive in fricken rain, ya know."

Roy nodded in agreement, knowing all too well what rain did to drivers.

"So the whole day was filled with TAs, rescuing people from their cars, all and all a shitty and wet day, until dinner. It slowed down once the rain stopped, or so I thought," Johnny took his hands out of his pockets, sighed and then continued.

"We get done with dinner and then there's nothing. Thinking people are finally in for the night. We all crawl into bed and then it happens!" Johnny's hands shot up. "The damned three am woman in labor call."

"As soon as we left the bay, the sky opened up. Thunder, lightening, even hail. Didn't know if we were goin to make it since there were damned stop lights out. Told my partner we'd need flashlights since there were power outages all over the county. Good thing is was so early, 'cause man I didn't know if we'd make it," Johnny's jaws clenched and Roy knew it was getting harder to talk about the call.

"So the whole fricken house is lit up like a Christmas tree. Every single light has to be on and we pull in, grab the equipment and head to the porch. Husband is pacing like a caged tiger and we follow him in. She's upstairs, God Roy we could hear her screaming from downstairs. I look at my partner and knew it was bad, real bad." Johnny sighed deeper.

"You goin to be okay?" Roy could see the color drain from Johnny's face.

"Yeah, yeah. So we go up to the bedroom. Her feet are propped up, there's a TV and on the nightstand are tissues and medications. Damn it Roy, she had preeclampsia. I know she did. I asked the husband three times, man three times and he denied it. Well I got her vitals and called it in. I told Brackett everything, the drugs, her condition, her lost pregnancies. I didn't think we'd ever get her stabilized, and my partner was no help at all," Johnny was shaking now.

Roy jumped up from the bar stool and opened up the cupboard to find nothing, by his third try he found one glass, one dinner plate, one salad plate, one bowl and one set of utensils. His anger was mounting; filling the glass with water he thrust it at Gage.

With shaking hands, Johnny took the water gratefully and then another.

"Man, it … I don't understand this. I shouldn't be getting upset like this, I'm a damned trained professional," Johnny whispered.

Roy stood by close, moved quickly to get another bar stool and sat his friend on it.

"You're human Johnny, remember," Roy grinned. Thankful Gage was finally talking about it.

Johnny nodded, shooed Roy away and then got his bearings.

"So we get her stabilized and in the ambulance. Wasn't in there for five minutes and she started hemorrhaging. The guy wanted to take her to Mercy, but I convinced him to go to Rampart. But it wouldn't have made a difference anyway," Johnny wiped at his eyes. "She's bleeding all over the place and Frank's on the phone with Rampart and I can't do a fricken thing, Roy. She's dying and I can't do a fricken thing. The next thing you know we're at Rampart. It's bad Roy, they take her up to the OR on the gurney and I'm covered in blood. I don't think I can ever wash it off my hands, ever," Gage lamented.

DeSoto could see John still felt some guilt though there was nothing he could have done.

"Johnny," Roy comforted him.

"I know. I know. But man, I knew I was in trouble. I come out of the head and Dixie shoots me one of those looks. Can't even get a pair of scrubs, so I grab the equipment and head outside. It's cold, wet and damp but I need the fresh air," Johnny turned away from Roy and braced himself against the counter.

Roy noted Gage's shaking arms and started to get up.

"I'm fine Roy, just give me a minute," Johnny's voice shook. "Besides you know the rest."

"Yeah I know the rest." The department hearing, the lawsuit, the trial and then his friend disappearing off the face of the earth." Sure Johnny," Roy turned his attention to his now cold coffee and realized Gage only had one set of dishes and offered him the only cup for coffee. "Johnny about the coffee."

"Oh," Johnny turned around. "I just have to get some more dishes. Guess I wasn't thinking," Johnny gave a half crooked smile, "another run to the thrift store. Yeah, Roy I'm really lucky the thrift store's only a block away."

Roy almost lost it then and there; his best friend was reduced to shopping at the thrift store because he was damn scared or so unsure he would keep his job. But Roy maintained his calm.

"So what are you doing today?" DeSoto changed the subject anything to relive the tension.

"Um," Johnny cleared his throat. "Going to a museum."

"A museum, huh?" Roy took a sip of his cold coffee "Seriously?" He hoped Johnny would eventually tell him everything, in his own time of course. Over that year he had heard, seen and tried to piece together as much as he could as his friend's life was torn apart. Johnny had tried to shield and protect him to his discontent and dismay.

"Yeah Roy, seriously. You know I really didn't know what culture I was missing until I left. I mean L.A. has all these museums, art galleries and lots of live theatre. I mean not like the Music Center or Pantages, but all these little playhouses. So I'm taking advantage of it, you know. Expand my mind," Johnny spoke proudly.

"You think the world can live with that? I mean John Gage with an expanded mind sounds dangerous," Roy laughed at his own joke, knowing his friend was trying to save money.

"Ha. Ha. You should go home Roy. I'm good, really," Johnny walked over to his friend. "Roy I'm okay." He patted Roy on the back.

"You sure?" Roy got up and Johnny walked him to the door.

"Yeah I'm sure. I'll see ya later," Gage opened the door.

"No, we'll see you next week for dinner, deal?" Roy hoped Johnny would catch some breaks.

"Deal Roy, now git!" Johnny mocked shoved Roy out of his apartment.

Ah the tax season is over with and time for a well deserved staycation. Seems I'll be missed since I'm taking it at an inopportune time! Anyway, thanks to all my faithful readers and I promise to continue my other stories.

Happy Easter! For he has risen, indeed!