Erin made her fast paced way to her little hidey-hole, the store room.

It was dark and quiet, and she held up the tiniest stub of candle she'd swiped from a random table on her walk there, the wax nearly spent, but the flame still enough to light the small space in a weak glow.

She used it a moment, searching the shelves for anything she wanted to eat. What was a little drink without a snack?

Finally she found what appeared to be a jar of preserved fruit, what, she couldn't exactly tell, but she opened it and sniffed dubiously, smelling sugar and alcohol. That was good enough for Erin and she popped a few in her mouth, savouring the sweetness and sucking her sticky fingers with great satisfaction.

Wiping her hand on her skirts she pulled out her phone and ear buds.

Her battery now said 40%.

She placed the ear buds in and set to work on the brandy, inelegantly gulping the contents down like it was a race to empty the bottle.

Getting roundly drunk had worked for her before when her emotions were too much, it could surely work again.

"Ha! Worked my ass!' the logical part of her reprimanded.

"Hush up!" she whispered to the darkness.

She could turn off, reset, and try again later. The aftermath of course, was another matter, and it was probably... not the healthiest way to deal with her problems; in fact, Ada's voice rung out those words in her head at that very moment.

She stilled the bottle mid gulp, common sense trying to claw back control from her bad decision making.

Okay, okay, so maybe Ada had a point, maybe she would only get a little merry just to take away her worries for a short time, she tried to reason some kind of middle ground with her warring emotions. She was lost and alone, and afraid and angry, and unsure... it was just too much to deal with right now, she just needed to relax, get herself hazy and mellow and then she'd be able to think... right?

'You'll regret the headache,' her logic warned, but Erin ignored it and took another sip, more restrained this time.

"Tick tock, tick tock, no time remember?!'

She rolled her eyes at her anxiety trying to make an appearance and made an effort to will it away. Later she would deal with it all, but right now she wanted some peace!

After a small amount of time had passed she could feel the effects of the brandy, like someone had put a thin sheen of Vaseline on the world around her, softening all its sharpest edges to a misty, cloudy haze.

'Okay, that is better.' Her emotional and logical brain seemed to have come to some agreement.

She chuckled at her own foolishness, sat here tipsy and desperate in a world that really didn't care much about her. She felt like she was a vessel whose one job was to change things just enough that people could carry on living. Her own feelings didn't matter. It was a bitter tonic to swallow, but swallow it Erin did, with much self admonishment and loathing... and of course more brandy.

She missed Ada, she missed her own time, she missed being loved and wanted. She missed not having to hide who she was from everyone. She missed being home. Her eyes stung, the need to cry almost overwhelming, but she pushed it back and took another swig from the bottle instead, wiping her mouth gracelessly upon her sleeve.

She thought of those two dark figures in that fire bathed room, her imagination seeing his hands reaching for Alice, hands that were seeking, lips against yielding warm skin, the unknown tryst only they knew about.

If Erin hadn't felt so jealous maybe she would have found out if any of that had indeed happened between them, as voyeuristic as that was to admit. She'd had the once in a lifetime chance to witness just what lay between these two characters... these two people... to get to the core of what motivated them in their last desperate acts.

But she hadn't wanted to, she couldn't watch them falling in love. It hurt, even though it was everything she'd wanted for them, everything she'd ever dreamed of. She was a jealous, petty, lonely little fool.

'And?' her inner thoughts coaxed.

She blew a raspberry at her own confronting feelings before admitting some form of defeat with a low groan.

She liked him, she couldn't deny it, no matter how she tried to explain away her emotions. He was funny and kind and they had a connection, maybe it wasn't a romantic one, and maybe it was mostly one sided, but it was there. Of course it was there for her, everything about him spoke to her own inner fairy tale of what love was, it's why she loved the story so damn much! If they met in another space and time, in her own time, maybe things could have been different, but the plain facts still stood, he wasn't from her time, and more importantly he wasn't her romantic hero, he was Alice's!

All Erin brought was trouble and lies. Any far flung dream she had of building a great deep friendship, based on her resplendently charging in like a knight in shining armour to save her beloved literary hero, was smashed to pieces when she'd told him all that she had the night before.

She swigged again from the bottle, her mind becoming a nice dreamy bundle of indistinct warm thoughts, chasing all the serious and important things away and just leaving a mellow lull behind. She had to deal with this, these... feelings! She couldn't go about trying to change the future while crushing on the very same man she was trying to save, she had to find a way to let it all go.

She reached down to her phone, blinking repeatedly as she tried to see the text clearly through the gloom and the haze of alcohol. Her fingers hit play and the wounded sensual anger of 'Jealous Sea' by Meg Myers filled her hearing. Erin sighed deeply, letting herself feel each guitar strum of discontent, each beat of unhealthy lust that the song encompassed, and with it she tried to let out all her own complicated feelings. She hummed along, her body enticed to move with the rhythm.

The candle was fluttering, its wick now nearly spent, but it was then a dark foreboding figure appeared at the door, its form taking up the empty frame. She felt so numbed that only her heart leapt a little, her body only stalling from its rheumatic sway to the music to stare dumbly, the hum dying in her throat. For a moment Erin felt sure she was going to be read the riot act by some angry cook, she had been (repeatedly) sitting on a large bag of potatoes after all, they were possibly all bruised by now, and she'd stolen the fruit... but as they moved into the light she saw the familiar features and groaned audibly, her eyes rolling in exasperation.

It was of course Uncas. Her little shadow, come to pull out whatever information he could find.

Had he followed her from the infirmary?

'Just the guy! Super duper awesome!' her mind trilled sarcastically.

"Go away!" she said, a little too loudly over the music only she could hear.

He didn't.

'Dammit and damn him. Little sneak!' Erin snarled in her mind. She knew he'd followed her, he was always on her tail, catching her out like some damn noir detective.

She flapped a hand at him obnoxiously, telling him to leave again. "I'm busy."

He folded his arms, as casually as if he was waiting for a child to finish its tantrum. At least now, he didn't really look angry, exasperated maybe. His lips moved, but she couldn't understand him, the music playing in her ears and the slight spinning of the room making it impossible.

"Later." Erin rudely spoke over him and went back to drink from the bottle. She gave a stilted, over the top yawn before settling back like she was ready to take a nap, pretending to close her eyes but trying to squint out of one to gauge his reaction.

It seemed he was having none of this dismissal. He stayed in the same pose, arms crossed, studying her with intent meditative eyes, his brow slightly furrowed. He was still displeased, she could tell that much, but when had he not worn that look directed at her lately?

All she wanted to do was sit and listen to her music and get steadily... a tiny bit blotto... and yet here was this guy interrupting her sacred space, or whatever, when she clearly was not in the mood. Couldn't he give her just one moment of self pity!

Erin stayed still for a few moments, trying to bolster her pretence of sleep, after enough time seemed to have passed, she opened one eye fully, hoping the doorway would now be empty, but he still stood there, unmoved by her amateur dramatics.

So, Erin gave in, sat up and just stared at him, a slightly drunken blank look on her face, waiting for him to lose patience and leave her alone. He said a few more words, a little annoyed now, his eyes reproachful and stern, perhaps he said her name a few times, she couldn't really tell and she didn't really care.

As she continued to stubbornly refuse to react he reached forward and forcefully pulled the bottle out of her grasp, and Erin made a pathetic noise of childish dismay. She lunged for it, but he wrenched it away from her grabbing fingers, lips moving and then moving again.

'Duh, I can't hear you!' she thought, and giggled, finding this highly amusing because it was all so absurd, and she unfortunately always thought she was hilarious when she drank a little too much. The smile quickly fell, replaced by annoyance. She was going to get that bottle back, just you watch!

She got up, feet thankfully not too unsteady, and walked a few steps.

"Give me that!" She was reaching again for the bottle but he jerked it back. She tried again, and in what Erin could only fathom as a gross act of spite, he placed the bottle high up on a shelf where he was fully aware her shorter frame could not reach.

Wait... did he just smirk?

Erin puffed out her cheeks in indignation!

She was close enough now that she could hear him over the music.

"Be still. We must speak!"

He said more, she must explain, was she listening, and blah, blah, blah, and it was all just too much, she just wanted him to shut up and leave her alone. She stared at him, his mouth still moving, still demanding she heed him, and before she had time to think through her actions she'd reached up, on her tiptoes, her hands grasping his shoulders, pulling him down to her and... she kissed him.

The music urged her onwards, hands cupping his face, her lips moving against his. She just wanted to feel something, anything, the affection of another human, and he was warm, and there, and she wanted him to kiss her back so badly.

She felt his body stiffen at her actions and Erin sensed a shot of regret snake up her spine and bubble through her scalp as the realization of what she was doing trickled into her conscious mind.

Not only was she being, what was in this time, aggressively forward with a man, but that said man was in love with someone else! She started to pull back, her lips parting from his, hands releasing him, her pride wounded and her self worth plummeting. She'd made another mess, he was right, she was a stupid girl!

Her lips trembled, trying to find the words to apologize, but suddenly his arms were enclosing her, preventing her flight, and he was pulling her roughly back to him, closer, their bodies meeting in a warm forceful pressure. Her breath hitched as his chest pressed against hers. She looked up into his face and her eyes widened as she met his intense dark gaze. His expression was soft and hard all in the same moment, furious and composed. A determination in his eyes that suddenly made Erin feel very afraid, not of him, but of the very situation, for she knew without question that he was going to kiss her.

The candle glinted its quickly faltering glow, making it seem as if he had gold sparks flecked within the depths of his gaze, that flashed dangerously as he moved, and he did kiss her, just as she'd wanted, just as she'd feared.

His lips were wanting, almost demanding, burning into her with such fervour that it set all the tiny fine hairs across her body rippling with static energy. She resisted for only a short moment, startled and wide eyed, and then gave in, not wanting to fight it, her eyes fluttering closed and her body submitting, the courage of the brandy making the choice so very easy. Her own lips responded in kind, her nerves prickling with anticipation, as Erin realized just how much she wanted him, and in this moment, whatever the reason or madness, he wanted her too, and that seemed all that mattered.

She flicked her tongue against his bottom lip and he answered with his own, deepening the kiss with a hungry urgency, his arms clasping her even closer so it was almost stifling in how hard they pressed into each other.

They moved then as one, a passionate ball of fury and grasping hands, lips meeting in an ardent skirmish, bodies pushed and tugged and roughly connecting with walls. Erin knew she'd lost her ear buds as the music abruptly stopped, but she didn't have time to care as his lips were upon her again.

She yanked frantically at his shirt and aided him in pulling it over his head, his chest now bare. As lips met lips his hands pulled roughly and carelessly at the buttons of her bodice, and then a rush of movement as he tugged firmly and with determination at the laces of her stays, the sound of the material chafing past the grommet holes of the garment mingled with their own heated breathing as they came up for air, before they met again, barely giving each other a chance to draw more than a few hurried gasps. She felt the constrictive boning loosen and the material parted like a blooming flower.

His hand moved with heated, fierce purpose across the soft linen of her shift, his palm following the paths and soft curves of her body that had been shielded from his touch by her stays. He grasped and squeezed, making Erin let out a sharp exhale into his mouth.

His free hand was at her skirts, pulling and bunching upwards with vigor until his fingers curled around her stocking covered calf and then brushed beyond, past wool and ribbon to bare skin, his firm touch guiding her leg up to his hip, his fingers digging into her bare backside.

Uncas' lips found hers again, that same lingering, burning kiss that made her feel dizzy. His hand abandoned her breast and came to the rest of her skirts, pulling them up with a flurry of movement until they were past her thighs. He guided her backwards until she was butted against the large bag of potatoes and Erin understood his unspoken suggestion, using it as a seat.

The very scent of him was like a spell she didn't want to break, earth and wood smoke and decaying leaves, heady and exciting and everything she felt she wasn't.

Lips parted and hard breathing followed, she felt for a second as if he was waiting, perhaps unsure, did he want her to speak? She didn't want to say anything, her words had destroyed so much. What was more, she didn't want to break this moment, this frantic, feverish, devil may care feeling they'd brought into being. She didn't want to think!

She reached for him, hands roughly pulling him down to needful lips, pants between kisses, and he was moving, forced back into the moment by her ardent insistence. She guided him between her thighs, his body pushing against hers, ready to take the next step, and a powerful frisson flowed through her, alighting every nerve ending, her breathing ragged and her mind whirling, not wanting him to stop...

And then that memory came like a bolt into her mind, Alice beautiful and ethereal, passing him a gift in the infirmary firelight, cheeks pinked and eyes full of promise of what lay ahead, his shy acceptance.

She felt sick.

Erin pulled back as if stung, breaking their lips apart, the sudden movement causing him to start also, and he stilled.

Her palms slowly slid down to his chest and gently but firmly Erin pushed, causing his body to sway away from her.

"Stop." She breathed the word as if it pained her.

He did, his hands coming to lightly rest upon her forearms as if he thought she was in need of the support, his eyes a deep brown that reminded her of the pain medication in the infirmary that smelt of honey and cinnamon, and biting bitter reality.

"Stop," she said again, "we can't do this."

He looked confused and was reaching for her, his expression full of comfort and compassion, but she jerked away, her hands grasping at her chest, pulling the material of her bodice closed.

"I don't understand" Uncas said, clearly trying to do just that.

"This is wrong... I shouldn't have... I'm sorry." Erin felt her cheeks flood with hot, painful shame.

"Why are you sorry?" He reached again and she allowed it due to their close quarters. His long fingers wrapped easily around her upper arm.

"Because you are not mine." Tears were running down her cheeks, her breathing becoming rapid.

"I'm not anyone's."

He wasn't understanding, he couldn't.

"Why are you crying?" His hand tried to press against her cheek but she slapped it half heartedly away.

"I've... made a... mess... of... everything!" Her words came gulped out between sobs.

She could see the concern on his face, the worry, and it just made her feel even worse.

Without warning her stomach decided the brandy had been an exceptionally bad idea for Erin in this state, and up it came in one great heave, along with the mush of what had once been alcohol soaked fruits. It gave her only just enough time to turn her head, and the result coated Uncas' lower arm with a mixture of bile, barely digested food and expensive liquor.

"Shit," Erin whispered after regaining her breath. "Sorry." She wiped at her mouth with the back of her hand.

His eyes went wide for a moment before he relaxed back in to his calm demeanour, but there was a note of tolerant irritation in his expression.

Erin gave a sheepish smile. "At least you weren't wearing your shirt."

/

A/N

Hello all once again for those still with me, I hope this chapter was a twist and maybe a tiny bit of a shock too and also funny. I won't say more because I want you to discover it as I did when writing it. All I will say is my goal was to subvert the story in a good few ways, hopefully I'm kinda doing that.

I'm going to be honest and open to anyone reading, this week has not been great for me, one of my close family members had a scare which lead to a rush to A&E and a very scary time at the weekend. Luckily, it all seems to be calming now, they are home and while they aren't 100%, we are slowly getting somewhere. With my own annoyingly constant health issues of late and no end in sight, it felt like a lot to deal with and because of that my mental health has suffered this last week. I feel pretty exhausted and I was sure I would not meet the Friday upload on this divisive chapter, as my own inner critic was quite adamant how lacking everything I'd written was.

I'm glad I have decided to upload despite feeling that way, (some normality amongst the crazy) but I ask you all to be kind and mindful that I'm a little fragile right now. If you hate it, it's ok, I just don't want hear it right now, come back at the end if you want to tell me lol

Finally, please check out the music of Meg Myers if you feel inclined to do so. She is under-rated in my opinion and in her earlier work I find a very raw portrayal of loss, hurt, desire, heartbreak and anger.