A/N
Another song rec here for anyone who enjoys music with their reading. The Civil Wars - Dust To Dust (Acoustic)
I'm excited to go on this new journey with any readers out there, thank you for your time. So, let's begin :)
/
The journey to Fort Edward was slow but unchallenged. The diversion to the Huron village and then the cliffs had taken them further away from their goal, but it was only a day's journey at most. Given the already late hour, they camped for the night in a clearing somewhere far below the mountain, rest and food very welcome to all. None had the will or want to speak of what had just passed, any form of fitful sleep the only desire.
They set off on their way again just as dawn began to break. The atmosphere was companionable and in stark contrast to their last trek through the wilderness. The casual small talk flowed and it seemed they could all have known each other as friends for many years. They were tired, some injured and all emotionally spent, there was a palpable need to finally reach their goal.
Erin could feel Uncas' eyes upon her every so often and tried to pretend she did not notice, that a little colourful bird or pretty patch of forest floor drew all her attention. When she knew he was distracted by his duty as lookout, she watched him in turn. Erin wasn't eager to meet his eyes and confront all the questions that may soon need answers, the unwelcome things that needed to be said. She didn't relish hearing him telling her they would always be friends or some other well meaning put down she knew would have to come next. She didn't want to invite an opening to that conversation, and amongst the others it didn't really feel like the right time to start.
She hadn't seen any note of displeasure with her choice in his eyes at the cliffs, in fact he'd been rather easily accepting of the whole situation; and while Erin felt glad that he was able to respect her choices, there was the tiniest part of her that felt a thorny prick of gloomy dejection. She inwardly scoffed at her blatant act of shallow contradiction, wanting one thing while desiring another, it felt ridiculous. Yet, that tiny part of her had wanted to play the romantic damsel and be swept off her feet into an unthinking and passionate whirlwind. That chaotic side of her wanted him to grab her, and shake her, and tell her he wanted her, that nothing else mattered, and be fully engulfed by whatever these feelings were, or had been, but... Then Erin soberly reminded herself that whirlwinds often left nothing but destruction behind them.
She glanced over at him again, his movements were slowed by his injury. Although the pain never reached his expression, the fact that he hardly moved his palm from the site told her that it troubled him. She thought back to how the cut on her forearm had felt at Fort William Henry, how much it had hurt and throbbed, and doubted she would have been up to a long hot trek through a forest right after it had happened.
His eyes, dark and serious, were ever watchful, his attention perking at every rustle and crack of twig from animals and trees swaying in the warm afternoon breeze. He was... beautiful, and Erin's thoughts drifted back to that picture of striking likeness Alice had drawn of him, how she had seemed to capture his very essence, not only the outer beauty, but who he was as a person too. The fact Alice Munro had seen beyond her preconceptions to the man beneath, showed how close a bond they truly could have shared. Maybe once Erin was gone, that bond would grow and they would become-
Erin shook herself and felt an unpleasant shiver ascend her spine. This petulant train of thought was only making her feel worse by the moment. She'd made her choice, hadn't she? Her eyes drifted back to the man that had her questioning all her own inner beliefs. Did he want her to go, or...
He seemed to sense her heavy gaze and, before she could glance away, his eyes met hers, a soft question within, a small comforting smile upon his lips. She started a little at being caught out and wondered if he had been fully aware all this time that she had been watching him. She forced a smile in return and gave a little nod of her head, telling him silently, all was well, before once again playing her little game of distracting surroundings.
She resolved to herself in that moment that she had to let this, whatever it was, go. She had to let him go. Once they reached the Fort, their lives would fully part, friends perhaps, but it could never be more than that. Whatever they'd shared at Fort William Henry and the waterfall, it was over. He'd smile at her and talk to her, but she would never feel his lips against hers again, or his hands brush her skin in a sensual touch. He'd never talk to her with those words of deep longing. She was going home. Uncas was aware, just as much she was, starting something now was pointless. Yet Erin still felt the loss and mourned it.
When Fort Edward finally did come into view, an hour or so before sunset, it felt like a wave of relief washed over everyone. In that moment they knew they were finally, truly, safe.
Duncan once again paved the way for their access into the inner sanctum, his name and the name of Munro carrying the same weight, if not more, as it ever did. The gates were opened in welcome. The calmness within was in such profound opposition to Fort William Henry that the company were a little awed. Everyone within these walls was calmly living their lives unhindered by a barrage of cannon fire and threat.
It was like a different world.
Colonel Munro was summoned at once and he rushed out of the main building, an elated smile almost making him look ten years younger. His blue eyes, the colour of a beautiful clear summer sky, glinting with joy. His daughters had been returned to him, unharmed, and as he embraced each tenderly, Erin could see from his expression that he had thought to never see them again. Tears welling and brushed away with brash hands and emotions covered by throat clearing.
When heartfelt reunions were over, Cora inquired about where she could tend to one of their party's wounds and Colonel Munro singled out an English officer as their guide, giving his daughter brusque instructions of the way, including a demanded promise to return to his side as soon as she was able.
Nathaniel and Chingachgook were given directions to the mess hall to find food and then promised a comfortable bed for the night with as much sentimental feelings of thanks as the Colonel would allow himself in polite company.
Leaving Alice in her father's care, Cora and their newly appointed guide led the way to the room that served as a bright clean and comfortable infirmary. Erin resolutely pulling Uncas along, half unwillingly, by his shirt sleeve. The women forced him to sit upon a bench while they prepared to tend his wound
The English officer bowed and gave Cora a few hurried explanations of where she could find the things she needed, and the extra welcome information that there were some fresh men's shirts in a cupboard, bowed again and left them alone to return to his post.
Cora took a moment to familiarize herself with the layout and provisions, gathering them together onto the high bench. She instructed Uncas to take off his now thoroughly ruined shirt and set to her task. She cleaned out the wound, with a lot of muscle tensing upon Uncas' part as the semi sticky resin was removed, with the help of a little metal instrument and a bowl of hot water. The blood flow came back in a trickle. Cora then cleaned and stitched while Erin aided as best she could, wiping away blood and sweat with a gentle hand.
His eyes connected with hers often in the growing gloom as night gradually fell. Erin tried to ignore him, focusing upon her work and not quite comprehending how he could give her a such a strange look, a look Erin was sure she misread as alluring, while gritting his teeth against the pull of needle and thread. Finally she relented with a little roll of her eyes in defeat and looked at him directly, asking him what he wanted with an impatient raised brow. His gaze requested a moment alone and Erin's answer was given in coy silence. That look, his eyes, deep and demanding but so gentle, left her feeling confounded. It didn't feel like the look a friend gave to a friend in a simple request for companionship or conversation, it felt like-
"It will seep a little, but let it." Cora's voice drew Erin out of her muggy thoughts.
Cora stepped back admiring her handy work, a fresh bandage now wrapped around Uncas' middle. "Then it will draw." A fleeting frown touched her face, her fingers coming to her chin in thought.
"That's good, right?" Erin said, placing a palm upon her friend's shoulder.
Cora started a little at the contact but smiled. "Oh yes. It is good. Do you need something for the pain?" she asked Uncas.
He gave a wry smile and shook his head, while giving the bandages an inspection with curious fingers, before returning his attention back to rest wholly and heavily upon Erin.
"Good. Come to me if it becomes painful." She again touched her chin and then saw Erin glance away shyly as Uncas' unabashed direct gaze stated quite clearly that he wished they were alone.
"I will go and find Alice." She hesitated as if she had more to add, but then seemed to change course. "Erin?" When she got no sign of any acknowledgment she reached out and touched Erin's arm, forcing her to pay attention.
"Hmm?" Erin had to drag her own gaze away from a seemingly very interesting pot jug she had focused upon in embarrassment. A skittish attempt of avoiding making direct eye contact with the man sat before her.
She felt her face become hot and knew she was blushing furiously. This made Cora smile.
"Come find us when you have need to?" Amusement was clear in Cora's voice.
Erin gave a flustered nod and Cora stifled a small laugh before she exited the room, leaving a slightly awkward silence in her wake.
Erin studied all about her with the serious trepidation of a student about to take a fearful exam, keeping her distance from him as she tried to make sense of everything. She allowed her senses to notice how very quiet it was here, no screams of pain, no moans, no cannons, no sounds of frantic fort life, just stillness, and her own nervous fluttering heartbeat. They had been in this room for what must have been over half an hour and not a single other person had passed through. Everything felt peaceful and unhurried, but she did not. She knew this was when she had to confront all those bothersome realities, but now whilst also feeling completely on the back foot. She could feel his eyes upon her still, and knew she had to say something.
Keeping her own eyes tactfully upon the many jars and labels scattered across shelves, she voiced what sounded like a slightly combative conversation starter.
"That was quite a plan, running up after us, when I kinda remember..." She dramatically stroked her chin as if she were a detective pulling apart a suspect's alibi. "We agreed you'd, you know, do the whole 'wait' thing."
She heard him huff a small good humoured laugh. "I did wait. Planned, as we tracked you across land. No chance catching up to you after the river. Foolish to try and get you out at the village. Only chance was the cliff, to reach the Huron from the front and back while they walked on the high ridge, so they couldn't overwhelm us. If we'd missed that moment, it'd have been a battle, not a fight." He paused, waiting for her reaction, but Erin stubbornly refused to turn and look at him. "I had to go quickly, get there first. Only way." He lifted his shoulders carelessly.
For a moment she wanted to argue that everything had nearly gone wrong, but she kept her silence, knowing if she gave in to her apprehensive need to be defensive about everything, they'd get nowhere. Besides, he was right, he'd taken the only path that held any chance of them coming out as the victors.
Finally, having no other real choice, she did look at him, or rather around his approximation. "You sure it doesn't hurt?" she asked arms crossed and her eyebrow quirking up in clear comic disbelief, using her humour as defence against the anxious discomfort she suddenly felt being alone with him.
Uncas smiled, teeth gleaming in the soft candlelight, happy to play along with this game. "Of course it hurts," he said, inspecting the bandage with a little grimace one last time before pulling on a donated fresh shirt to cover his naked torso. He groaned and the sound caused her to take a few rushed steps forward in concern. "I was stabbed." He smiled disarmingly and Erin knew he was teasing her.
Erin rolled her eyes. "Yes, I am very aware of that."
With her closer location obtained by his little trick, he reached out in a quick motion before she could shy away from his long reach, grabbing hold of her upper arm and pulling her towards him. The sudden intimate contact left her feeling hotly flustered, this wasn't anything like she'd expected, and Erin suddenly found the floor rather fascinating. "And you?" His fingertips lightly glanced across bruised skin and injured lip, the wound had begun to heal but Erin still winced at the gentle contact.
"Of course, I was beaten!" Her words were full of flippancy but she couldn't bring herself to look at him, far too shy to bear his intense eyes.
He smiled at her deflection and pulled her closer to him, lips fleetingly pressing against her own, a brief whisper of pressure against the side of her mouth in sympathy of her pain. Erin slowly pulled away, eyes resting anywhere but his face, her body squirming in nervous awkward energy at the situation and how close they were.
"I don't want to give you the wrong idea. This, us... at the waterfall, I needed comfort..."
"Hmm" he said, with a calmness she knew every part of her did not echo.
"It was really scary, I was scared and freaked out, and I needed a friend and.. you know, you were great and helped a lot..." She chanced a quick look at him only to see he looked far too amused for her liking. "I just don't want you to think... more, you know?" From his expression he had no idea what she was rambling about.
Erin took a deep breath, knowing she would just have to get to the point. "So... you heard what I said to your brother?" Her gaze was upon the ground again, stubbornly refusing to look anywhere else.
"I did."
"You know I'll go back, that I'll still leave?"
"I do."
Her eyes finally came to his face, searching. Erin frowned trying to understand. "Then... why?"
"Why?" He was teasing her again, and Erin tried to pull away further but he held her in place with a firm but gentle grip still upon her arm.
"I am... so happy you are still alive-" she began, but he cut her off.
"Thank you." His glib demeanour was back and it riled Erin just a little.
"Stop it!" She pulled, but again he refused to allow her the easy escape of running away from what had to be faced. "Stop acting like things haven't... won't change. None of this fine, I'm not fine with any of this," she admitted rather gracelessly.
"I see." He raised an eyebrow, a sudden doctor diagnosing the problem. "Then what can be done?"
He was so calm and collected that Erin disliked him a little for it. She felt guilty and sick at the prospect of having to leave, but she knew in her bones there was no other way things could be. She wouldn't allow herself to give up everything for what she thought could become love, not again, never again. The prospect of regret was a phobia she couldn't overcome and the reality of even trying to confront any of it in a war torn 18th Century America seemed like a rancid recipe, doomed to failure.
She abandoned her frustrations and looked up into his face, suddenly suspicious. Was he trying to manipulate her into staying? Her gaze flicked to each of his handsome features, sharp cheekbone and smiling deep chestnut eye, and she relented, feeling inwardly ashamed and embarrassed to ever have thought that of this man she knew.
But that was the bigger point wasn't it? How much did they really know each other? Enough to give up everything, to give up lives and families, comfort and home, for the want of another? She didn't know his favourite colour, what food he liked, what made him unreasonably irritated or truly happy. She didn't know if they were compatible at all. Yet, it was a question that had to be asked, a plain fact that had to be addressed, each had to have their say and there would be no other recourse than to deal with what came next.
She'd given her side, now it was his turn.
She knew if she didn't ask him, she'd regret it forever, even if she didn't feel ready for either answer.
"Would you come with me?" she asked, voice shaking. "Would you give up everything, your father and brother, to come with me?"
His face remained smooth but he closed his eyes briefly, taking in a lungful of air. "I would not."
Erin let out a breath of relief and felt her heart give out a pang of deep regret all within the same moment, and then the sting came. She batted the emotion away with a careless rake of her fingers through her now, mostly unbound, messy hair.
"I would not ask it of you either," he said, a straightforward gleam to his eyes. "I know our paths will part, but that does not change how I feel about you in this moment."
His reasoning was rational and fair, if neither was willing to step into a completely different life, didn't that say everything? More importantly, in this moment did it really matter? He was here and alive and that's all she'd ever asked for, to want more suddenly felt greedy.
Erin gave a shrug of defeat. "I guess, me too. Even if we can't..." She found she couldn't say the words. "I still care for you, knowing you has meant so much to me... I do have feelings for you... and... I'm not sorry," she declared after a beat, feeling selfish and vindicated all within the same complicated ball of emotion.
He smiled, enjoying her using the words he had spoken back in the cave. "Yes."
"So... we just enjoy the time we have?"
"Yes. Sometimes life gives us only moments but it is often enough," he confirmed, pulling her gently to him until she was enclosed fully in his arms, chest pushed softly against his. "Right now, you are with me."
"So, what now?" Erin asked, her eyes finding his, a shy but teasing smirk upon her lips.
"We could find a cupboard? You seem to enjoy those."
She pushed back playfully and he laughed, the sound a deep vibration in his chest. Then his eyes were suddenly serious, magnetic, and he moved his body closer, head tilting.
Erin gave a small hum of agreement to his silent question and his lips met hers, a soft press that turned into a demand, deepening as his hands cupped her face with a tender ease, fingers grazing ears, tracing jawline and caressing neck. Sensitive finger pads dancing across cloth, speaking words neither could. Lips hungrily pressed, tongues now seeking in a slow ache of desire.
Her own touch was hesitant, afraid of accidentally hurting him, of losing herself and grasping for him in the sweet dim light. His hands smoothed over the contours of her back and up to shoulders, touch glancing across collar bone, warm palms resting against the exposed skin above the neckline of her bodice. Her heart seemed to suddenly beat harder through her body in an attempt to be felt by him. Reluctantly they slowed and pulled away, foreheads together for a moment as they regained their senses.
Erin winced as pain overtook pleasure, reminding her of the soreness she still felt.
"Ouch," she said after a beat, closing one eye in apology, and Uncas gave a wry smile, his finger coming to her lip, to check her injury had not started to bleed again.
When he was satisfied all was well he returned his gaze to look at her, eyes grazing across her features in sensual lingering waves. His fingers were busy a moment tenderly moving any stray wisps of hair away from her face, and Erin knew he wanted to discuss their parting more. There were words he needed to speak, practicalities that had to be planned, but she didn't want to hear them, not tonight. Just for once she wanted it to be nothing but contentment between them. She wanted this moment to remain as it was, a sweet unspoken longing.
"Just so you know..." she said, deliberately displacing his thoughts and wrinkling her nose. "You really... stink." He smelled faintly of blood and the slightest hint of musky body odour from a long tiring journey, but the overblown accusation served its purpose.
He laughed, a full rich hearty sound, and his hand came to caress her cheek as if he were quite charmed by her forthrightness. He said something in his own tongue that was similar to 'the pot calling the kettle black' and then quickly kissed her softly again. Erin pulled back and gave him a look of clear disapproval, before sniffing delicately near one of her armpits. She grimaced at the pungent funk that met her nose, which caused him to laugh all the more. In truth, she smelt far worse than he did.
"Not a fair comparison!" she whined. "You were in a whole river, I haven't seen any water that wasn't in a skin since Fort William Henry."
"Hmm." His tone was a little too indulgent and he kissed the side of her mouth very gently, then her cheek, saying without any words that he had no problem with the way she smelt. "Then let us wash, eat, sleep," he said with a light congenial air. "Meet again tomorrow."
Erin let out another hum of agreement and with a knowing smile he got gingerly down from the table and went in search of his family, with only a few backwards glances in reluctance of their parting. She continued to watch him until he became a shadowed shape down a nearby corridor before she departed the room herself. As she walked her mind lingered upon the ardent wish that any of that discussion or warmth had made her feel better. In truth she only felt a steady flow of unease as she made her way through quiet passageways.
/
A/N
Hallo Friday!
I listened to The Civil Wars Dust to Dust when writing this chapter because it suited the mood well for me. The themes I read into the song plays into the whole stories plot past and perhaps even echoes what may be in the future.
So, Uncas surprised Erin a little with seeming to be happy just having this small time again.
Erin of course is quite good at flip flopping all over the place and if you've made it this far into the story, you won't be wanting to strangle her just yet. I can't say I'd be struggling any less if I were her at that age. Love or not, those first strong feelings of wanting someone can propel some very foolish or beautiful choices. But let's see what happens.
I know this chapter will set off some more pearl clutching out there. I'm not sorry, but thanks for stopping by anyway and giving your view count.
I know a few out there are curious how long this story will stretch now we are past any canon. I don't want to spoil anything but I can say there are more than 10 chapters left to this story, so we are in the home stretch but much may happen. I hope to see you next week. Until then have a good weekend.
