A/N

Song for this one is Breathe by Fleurie.

Warnings for some none explicit spice ahead. This is obviously going to be a chapter you either love, hate or tolerate :D

Haters and gripers: REF CHAP 53 unless you just don't like the way I wrote this, in which case, valid my friend.

/

Erin returned late to her quarters.

Both Alice and Cora were fast asleep and she had to tactfully and carefully find a place to slip in beside them without disturbing their slumber. No matter how she shifted herself on the sliver of bed she had managed to commandeer, Erin couldn't find full sleep even though she felt bone weary. Her mind was fogged in a constant half-awake state, a strange and confusing mix of pleasure, shame, fulfilment and strained sorrow giving her no peace.

Her stomach still fluttered with the after effects of her encounter with Uncas. Dreamy hazy memories of tender yet insistent lips in the darkness, his hands at her waist, lifting her slowly and with purpose up onto the table. The world thrumming a frantic beat, anticipation wavering through the air as they both succumbed to desire and merged into the moment, culminating in a passionate meeting of mouths, warm silk and supple tongues. A hasty flurry of movement as skirts were pushed past rough stockings and fingers pressed and curled around soft bare thighs.

Then, a moment of paused time taken as slow lingering touches were exchanged, across cheekbones and jaw lines, thumbs grazing lips, eyes searching faces in the darkness, before kisses replaced caresses. Languorously and with wilful reverence they explored each other as best they could given the situation and surroundings. Each finding out what caused the other's breath to hitch, a sigh of pleasure to escape, or a moan of pure desire to loosen all restraint.

Erin found she had forgotten what this feeling was like, to lose yourself completely in another person. It was so easy to dismiss the world outside the little bubble they had created with this compelling magnetic energy; an insatiable energy that meant she couldn't stop wanting to touch him, drawn to him like moth to flame, uncaring of the consequences of that fateful meeting or the singed feelings that may come after.

Even through the gloom of the darkened room, she could discern the glimmer of his eyes, golden glints of light reflected from the still smouldering embers of the fire, and found they held her hypnotized and defenceless. All the chinks in her armour exposed as he soothed old scars with soft kisses. Walls began to crumble with those sweet lips, that said nothing but spoke so much, walls Erin had thought would remain standing until she was old and grey, and she joined him in gleefully pulling down more bricks with each satisfying glance of skin against skin.

She heedlessly allowed him to overwhelm all her anxieties with a wave of sensual pleasure, and in that moment all that mattered was him, them. All the worries a distant memory, as if they'd flown somewhere reality had no rhyme, only them, together, had reason. Hands moved, tantalizingly soft fingers seeking and uncovering hidden secrets.

Pressure built as their bodies came together, her thighs clinging to his hips, still trying to be mindful of his wound, but he bore the discomfort as if he felt nothing but the burning need for her, his hands carelessly urging her onward. With a slow beautiful aching push he filled her. Their cores reaching out and connecting, pulling and holding each other in moment of arching stillness. A moment that then became full of breathless sighs and gasps as their senses and bodies adjusted to the new sensation of being interlaced.

Primal instinct took over so easily. Impulsively craving more, her hips bucked impatiently forward, a wanton wildness flowing through her body that made her restless, her hunger greedy, but he gently restrained her. His own motions measured and deliberate, methodically prolonging the molten throb that wanted to surge from the depths of her. It was almost painful and beautiful and unbearable. A languid, yet enthrallingly exquisite torture, and she bore it all at his subdued insistence. His hands circled about her wrists, pinning palms to table as they moved so very slowly as one. Erin felt lost in that sensation, unable to grab hold of thoughts, only pulling harsh breaths of air in as small whimpers of sounds.

He finally freed her, his touch skimming up arms to shoulders, holding her steady with his gentle strength, but by then she was no more than clay in his hands, ready to be reshaped and moulded into whatever he wished. He kissed her, mouth dipping to hers, honeybee to flower. His bottom lip trailed over jawline to neck, leaving warm shivers behind with each new press of his mouth.

His caresses sought again, soft yet assertive, pressure of a finger pad against electric nerves, and every fibre of her came alive. The sensation shocking her back from drowsy dream to sharp clarity. She thought she cried out, but she had no time to dwell on it as his mouth found hers, silencing what may or may not have been, as his skilful fingers worked. Then she was truly lost and he could no longer contain her.

Her hands moved with a frantic possessive touch over sensitive skin, tracing a path of fire up his back, across the muscled plains in a lavish caress, glancing through silken black hair to rest curled about his shoulders, using his body as her anchor as she engulfed her every sense with him. She pulled him to her, lips and teeth grazing bare skin, nails digging, leaving little crescent moon indents in their careless wake. His scent curled around and consumed her as she pushed them both deeper, harder, faster.

Gasps and moans were silenced once more by rough kisses as a fervour surrounded each movement, urging them into a delicious fast pace. Lips pressed together in a vain attempt to not cry out, their bodies straining against mortal bonds, conscious states reaching through smothering heat for freezing fresh air. Until Erin felt her thoughts scatter into nothingness as colour flashed in her vision, bright violent greens to harsh whites that made her scrunch her eyes closed and clasp tightly onto his shoulders, as if her whole existence depended upon not letting go. Every nerve ending in her body spiked and shivered in response, every muscle contracting and bending to the will of relentless releasing waves.

She felt his body tense with her own, his hand grasping into her hair, cupping the nape of her neck and holding her close to his chest in a moment of captivating stillness, and then they slumped in exhaustion against each other. A brief moment of catching air in their lungs, embracing, lips only passing breath, too unsteady yet for words. Heads rested against shoulders as they regained their senses and came back into reality.

Erin felt as if her whole body was shaking in soft ripples of inner earthquakes, her lips trembling as if she were deathly cold. He'd pressed soft, comforting featherlight kisses against her exposed shoulder, enclosing her in his warm embrace, filling her chilled body with gentle heat, his own skin hot against hers.

He held her as if protecting her from all the harshness in the world, as if she was the only thing that mattered, and the strange thing was, Erin truly believed him. She felt safe, cherished, necessary, like she was both needed and wanted. The thought came to her like a hot piercing arrow to her gut, she could love him, maybe she already did? The thought of leaving him now felt like the most illogical choice she could ever make.

Whatever had just passed between them in this dark little room was suddenly something that felt like it was worth the risk of trying. She'd convinced herself with so much practical glamor and stubborn righteousness that she was right, that her way was the only way... what if it wasn't? What if she really was the kind of person that would take that final, fateful leap on the promise of what could be? What if there was a way they could somehow meet in the middle? If he was willing to catch her, there was a chance.

With a little jolt that stung at her pride, Erin realized she did want to try.

She looked up into his face, dark glimmering jet meeting her own eyes, then his lips pressed so gently against her brow that Erin felt as if she would weep from the sweet gesture of tenderness. He returned to look at her once again, fingers deftly tucking stray hairs behind ears and caressing her cheek with such meaningful affection that she knew he genuinely cared for her. She couldn't speak for him, she couldn't call what he felt 'love' without him saying those words, but something was there between them, something that would grow if they wanted it to.

Erin felt a sudden lunge within her stomach, like she had just crested the height of a tall rollercoaster and was now free falling down towards the ground at a pace she couldn't keep up with. She felt so afraid and elated that the emotions left her breathless, and she pushed herself clumsily into his embrace, resting her cheek against his chest, hearing the steady calming thump of his heart. She understood in that moment with pitch perfect clarity, if he now asked her to stay, she would say yes.

How long they remained that way, she wasn't truly sure, it could have been brief seconds or long lethargic minutes, but they finally gathered their wits and with gentle touches and helpful fingers they composed each other back into the world.

They'd stood wrapped in each other's embrace in the darkness. He spoke a little, his chin resting casually upon the top of her head as she clung carefully to his middle, the thought of letting this moment go seeming suddenly obscene to her mind. She couldn't remember what he'd said, not exactly, but she thought he'd asked if she was alright, if she would be alright.

She didn't think she truly was or would be, not yet, this all felt so disorientatingly new, her own sense of reality quaked to its very foundations. She remained still for a long moment enclosed in him, in his arms, his scent, his body, and waited patiently for more words, words that never came. Words she had been so fearful to hear and yet now felt like weeping at their absence.

She'd nodded once in answer to his spoken questions, her voice nowhere to be found for a moment.

She finally pulled back, a tremble of a smile upon her lips and a hint of teardrops clinging to lashes. She wanted him to see her, all of her, every part, the parts that wanted to try for him, for them, for whatever this could be. She felt like a child holding out her first attempt at art. Clumsy pasta shapes and glitter splattered onto a page, knowing it wasn't much, but hoping it was enough, that he would smile and declare it was wondrous, even though it wasn't anything of the sort. It was a mangled heart she offered him, one that would need time and care and lots of patience, but if he accepted it, she would do her very best to live up to his trust in her.

He'd brushed a finger against her cheek once more, eyes connecting, and for some reason Erin couldn't truly understand, she knew he never would ask those words. Even though her own eyes searched his, asking why, he seemed sternly oblivious to her growing silent distress.

If she wanted this, she would have to fight for him, she'd have to be the brave hero. Erin swallowed, feeling exposed and so very vulnerable in that moment, but pushing herself forward all the same, hoping he would reach out and hold her gently once more, that he would understand her wounds were still sore, she was so raw from shedding her defences.

"I..." The sound of her voice sounded so unpleasantly wavering to her own ears. "I could... we could try-"

He placed a finger to her lips, hushing her with soothing meaningless noises in his own tongue, and shook his head very slowly, eyes narrowing in benevolent request that she say no more, the dark sweet depths swimming with a bitter note.

'No, do not. Do not speak. Stay here with me, in this moment,' those eyes seemed to ask.

She froze, her whole body feeling suddenly hot and rigid, sweat pricked upon her nape and lower back. He didn't feel the same way? Had she misread everything? She wasn't thoroughly sure whether he didn't want to hear her confession or he didn't want to hear another rambling flow of anxiety about being caught, but she knew whatever the case, he didn't want her to say anything at all. He wanted this moment, not a future.

Uncertainty clung around her like a cloak. Her spirit deflated and her courage deserted her fully, leaving her confidence to wilt away like dying flowers. She had been wrong, and she felt her mind scrabbling to gather all those fallen bricks and heap them back into a haphazard wall to protect her from the hurt.

'Fool!' She took the unspoken word as if it had been a physical slap, her whole inner being recoiled from her own emotions, but composed herself outwardly to seem unmoved. Her eyes stung with the threat of losing her very dignity, knowing if she let those tears fall, all of her would crumble. She bit them back hard, teeth catching her tongue in vengeful retribution for any stupid little words that had fallen from her lips. She tasted iron, warm liquid, and swallowed all of it down like the unpleasant truth it was.

He'd bent down and pressed his mouth to hers, and it felt like an apology, soft as silk and comfortingly warm, but somehow lifeless and dry. She had allowed it, too stunned to fully react, her mind only wondering distantly if he could taste the blood and defeat? The battle was over and won by cruel practicality.

He pulled away without further words, he held her eyes a moment as if nothing had changed at all between them, and Erin realized for him it hadn't. This had always been what he had wanted, the parting, and as far as he was aware, she'd wanted the exact same thing; moments of warmth without bonds. If she had felt anything more, it was her own feelings reflected, like the moon stealing the light of the sun to shine.

He kissed the sensitive skin of her wrist, lips brushing bracelet and shivering nerves. His hand lingered, fingertips that spoke of not wanting to end this moment, but they both knew they had to return to their own rooms and try and find sleep. Tomorrow they would leave together with the full intention of parting.

He had left her, her hand still slightly raised in the wake of his departure, and she had watched him leave, in so many ways. Understanding weaving its devastating net around her to bind all her fantasies firmly to cold hard reality.

Now Erin lay here in the soft comfort of her bed, her whole body felt deep warmth from the memories of his touch, but there was an icy thin spear of regret buried somewhere deep within her abdomen, and no matter how she longed for the emptiness of sleep, it did not come.

She had nearly made a grave mistake. She felt like a fool, Uncas understood better than she, how truly incompatible they were. She had allowed herself to be swept up in the emotions and physical sensations of the moment and now her whole body wanted to curl into itself in deep embarrassment. More so than ever, all Erin wanted to do was go home.

She was unable to find that longed for ideal spot for sleep and so she dozed in and out of listless waking dreams, dreams of her family, home, and dreams of Uncas. Dreams of those words being spoken.

Finally she gave up on finding any rest and dressed quietly and quickly, her intention set firmly upon finding a chair by the fire in the kitchens, knowing the cooks would already be awake and working, she needed the company. She would sit and draw a while, perhaps after she had put all her thoughts into her art she could truly sleep.

/

A/N

Fri... okay I missed one, sorry all that were waiting. Before anyone feels concerned, no, it wasn't the trolls that got to me, it was double booking myself for several events and outings that made editing really hard. I thought I'd have time to edit and get this chapter out last week. Alas, it didn't happen. To have a chapter ready this week I had to chop a monster chapter into two parts, and I feel it works better this way. I hope you do too.

Thank you for any kindness anyone sent my way. Special thanks to MohawkWoman and Flowangelic who I feel I cannot thank enough for their generous and kind support here.

A big thank you to those reading, commenting, you are always most welcome. I will finish this story, I have no intention of quitting and with your support I feel I can get there. Stay with me if you can.

So, this chapter was what I call my version of spicy writing. Whether you enjoyed or not may be a matter of taste and preference. I love reading spice and sometimes full on smut, but I cannot write it at all. Going into the nitty gritty for my own writing makes me cringe even though I enjoy it in other's work. I have no idea why. I tried writing it in other fandoms, and I didn't like it. I don't know if other's will find my style too flowery, or over the top or just right, but it's what I felt comfortable with and I feel it can be left a lot to the readers mind as to what exactly happened in that room. You can make it as sweet or smutty as you wish, imagine away :))))

Well, poor Erin, she tried I guess? As we've all said before, Uncas is a very practical guy. If Erin saw all the flaws of the situation, it factors he would too, right? If it was the other way round, would you ask the person you knew had a better, easier, simpler, safer life to stay in a time that was full of danger and unrest if you cared for them? Hmm it is a hard question. I am devil advocating all over... I guess we will find out ;)

Next week I may have to delay my upload, I am hoping I won't have to as I have worked on the next chapter today and I feel by next Friday I will be happy with it, but, as it is my birthday next week, I am going away to see family and friends. I'll be back late Friday and I hope that will be enough time to give it a last re-read and upload it, but if I don't, I will be back the week after.