A/N

Song choice this time: New Discovery by The Crane Wives

/

The walk had seemed endless, all were stained with sweat and fraught with emotional effort; the effort to keep themselves going, to not fail, for failure meant the certain death of one they all cared about.

Finally, after a few hours, they had to stop to take a break to avoid physical burn out. They settled Uncas onto a makeshift bed and then Chingachgook and Nathaniel both slumped to the ground, thoroughly spent. They had forced food and water into their mouths like it was a race to finish and then, after Chingachgook had instructed Erin on what to do should Uncas wake, father and son curled up near each other to find what sleep they could, both having gained no rest the night before.

Erin too forced herself to eat, the food tasting like bland mush upon her tongue. She'd drank her fill from the water skins and, having heard the men talk of a water source very nearby, set off to see if she could find it, towing the mule behind her. Luckily, it was close, Erin didn't have to wander far, and she refilled each skin, knowing this would save them precious minutes when they awoke.

She sat in the stillness of nature and watched as the mule took its fill of fresh clean water. In that moment of calmness, Erin allowed her thoughts to gather and unravel several times.

She shook her head, dispelling all the anxiety and fears that wanted to rush forward and overwhelm her. Now, she had to be the brave one, she had to believe everything would be alright, even if it was just for Uncas and his family's sake. She left the mule tethered and grazing under the shade of a nearby tree, knowing the animal would be grateful of the short rest.

She returned to find both men gently snoring and took one of the water skins to Uncas' still sleeping form. She knew they had all tried to keep him hydrated, but he was only ever semi-conscious and Erin didn't think he'd drank nearly enough water as his body needed right now.

She'd set aside a little bread and cheese, hoping when he awoke she could try and get him to eat something. Not wanting to wake him just yet, she settled herself down beside him, pushing her back gently against the outline of his body, trying to take comfort in his warmth and find some form of sleep, but it quickly became clear she had no true desire to rest. Her eyes felt so dry and tired that she feared closing them would mean she would struggle to open them again, and she needed all her senses and wits, she had to be the one to guide Uncas through this next part, his life depended on it, depended on her.

As she lay there, bone-tired but resolute, her gaze travelled over bushes and trees, hearing the soft sway and rustle of leaves as the breeze ebbed and flowed, she realized the guilt she had felt at being the cause of all their troubles had morphed into something new. An invisible seed between teeth that could not be reached, as Erin knew Uncas' own choices were not being taken into account. If she allowed the logical part of her brain to take control, she understood it would take only moments for her to be convinced that this was the only way he could live. There didn't feel like there were hours of time for deep conversations of feelings and wishes, and the real fact still stood, that Uncas may not be lucid enough to make those choices. And even if he was, what weight could his opinions have if death was the only other choice? Still, dismissing his own wants gnawed at her. She only hoped she would get a chance to explain her side to him, that he would understand, that he would agree, if he was able. She assured herself that they could give all of this complexity the attention and time it needed when they were away from here, when they were safe.

Erin sighed and closed her eyes briefly, her brow furrowing in a fleeting expression of distress.

How many times had she used this excuse in the last few weeks?

The same mantra of just getting from point A to point B and then everything would be fine, but every point B led to a C, and on and on. Would it ever end?

She heard Uncas let out a small sigh behind her and prayed to whoever would listen, clasping her hands tightly before her, that it never did end. She'd go to as many points as was required if it meant he lived through this. He could despise her and Nathaniel and his father for making another choice for him later, when he was still breathing.

Uncas' weight shifted and with a quiver in her chest Erin realized he was waking up. She slowly moved herself into a sitting position and was ready to take on whatever came next in seconds, pushing everything else down, all that mattered now, was him.

"Uncas?" She reached out, a feather light touch to his brow. His eyes fluttered a moment, long black lashes revealing the depths of dark irises beneath, awareness burning in them. His gaze focused upon her, the bright sunlight turning ebony to golden warm honey.

"Where..." He sounded so weak that Erin could hardly bear the sound.

"You are safe, your father and brother are nearby. Your father gave you something to help you sleep. We've been traveling."

He let out a strained raspy laugh. "Yes, I know. It felt like I lived in thick mud." He winced as he shifted his body, the small movement making him catch his breath harshly in a sharp gasp of pain. "I remember some of it a little." He paused, eyes finding hers, and she saw, with a little ripple of alarm, that alongside the burning awareness was the glowing ember of fever, it hadn't passed, it had only been subdued by the strong medicine. "Where are we going?"

"How do you feel? I brought water and food and-"

He gave her a sideways glance that cut through any pretence, his hand darting out to still her fussing fingers, and she felt the shiver of fragility like butterfly wings in his touch. He was so weak that she could see the physical exhaustion this movement had brought etched into lines of effort upon his face.

'Not long,' her mind pushed forward, and she clamped it back down.

Erin tried to smile. "We are going to save you." She wrapped a hand around his, stilling his feeble attempts of normality.

"Save me?" He shook his head slowly, so slowly that it made her want to pull away. "Erin, I am-"

"No!" Her voice was too loud and she winced at the sound, adjusting her tone to sound calm and collected. "No, it's okay." She smoothed out the wrinkles of the blanket over his chest with both palms, needing to feel him beneath her touch, that he was still here, with her. "You are coming home with me."

"Your home?" He had to relent to his body's needs and reached useless fingers towards the water skin. Carefully Erin helped him take a drink, but he pushed away the food she offered.

"It's the only way," Erin said when he was settled again. "You may not even be able to come with me. It, the magic, or whatever it is, it might not let you, and... your father and brother will stay with you if that happens, but we have to try. In my world you have a chance."

"This isn't my choice." He was frowning. Erin felt that expression like a physical blow. "I have made my choice, I have accepted what will-"

"Yes, yes, I understand." Erin knew she sounded far too dismissive, but they had so little time. "It seems drastic, but once you are well, you may be able to come back here."

"May?" he questioned, and Erin noticed the anger in his tone. He looked away, pulling himself slowly from her grasp, and she realized with a pricking of her nerves, he wasn't truly angry, or at least not fully, he was afraid.

"What is it?" Erin said, not pulling him back, allowing him the distance he seemingly needed.

"I don't know anything about your world. You have at least lived in mine." It sounded like a very feeble and shallow rebuttal.

"You will learn, just as I did here. It may not be forever, you may be able to come back, it's not a certainty, it's a chance. It's all we have right now."

"You have disliked every second here." He remained stoic apart from that damnable frown, and Erin knew his stubbornness was due to something far deeper than just the fear of living in a new land.

"No," Erin defended, "that's not true. With you, it was... I would have..." She gulped, not fully understanding why he was fighting so hard against this, while part of her, that fearful fragile recoil of gut, understood completely. He truly didn't think he was going to make it to her world, not alive. He thought his fate was sealed and the only choice left to him was to die with what and who he knew, or die somewhere unknown. Erin could only empathize with his feelings, but she would not be swayed from her position.

She knew she had no other option but to convince him he would survive, even if she didn't sincerely believe it herself, even if she had to live with the consequences of that doubt, because the only other alternative was to do nothing as his body slowly surrendered, and watch as he faded hour by hour, until he was gone.

This felt like the only way.

"It's okay to be nervous about the unknown. I was scared too, when I first came here, but you helped me see that things weren't so terrible," she admitted, and felt a little relieved that his eyes settled upon her with an affectionate look. "I feel you can come with me and that you are going to be okay." He glanced away, renewing his stubborn act of resistance, and Erin wasn't sure if his own thoughts or the growing fever fuelled it. "I understand your fear, but can you understand mine too?"

He turned his gaze to her again and the look he gave her rippled with uncertainty, a young child scared of monstrous shadows lurking under the bed. "At least I know what awaits me here. My people, my ancestors wait around the council fire, ready to welcome me. In your world, they may not wait for me, I will be alone. I will die alone."

"No," Erin said, and she did reach out, her palm sliding against his, fingers enclosing and squeezing. "I will not let you be alone. I promise you. If it's in my power, I will not allow any harm to come to you. I'm going to save you, I'll be there every step. While I have a single breath left in my body you won't be alone!"

Erin hadn't expected the dramatic words, and pressed her lips together, half wishing she'd not allowed them to escape at all, she was meant to be reasonable, convincing, not overflowing with emotion.

Uncas too looked a little taken aback, he studied her face with astute dark eyes for a moment and then a soft smile came to his lips, it was tinged with doubt, but she could tell he was grateful for her support, even if he didn't fully believe her words.

"I know it feels like we aren't giving you a choice but, you have to understand, we all... care about you too much to let you just..." It felt like an impossible conversation to have. "There is a real chance you can survive this if you come with me, let that be enough. Please. Trust me? I know I can save you!" She suddenly found she really believed those words.

His face had returned to that unsure expression, but there was a wavering of emotion, and Erin knew she was at the very edge of losing or winning this fight, she had to strike while she could. "Would you let me die, if the roles were reversed?" she questioned bluntly, with a critical raise of one eyebrow.

His eyes widened, and something anxious and fearful moved through his gaze; uncertainty, a look Erin didn't think she had ever seen upon his face before. The result rattled her a little.

For a long moment he seemed to be battling with his thoughts, but finally he nodded. "I would not. I would find a way to save you, if I could."

"Then, let me save you now?" Her eyes stung with the need to cry but remained dry, it seemed she really had no more tears left to shed. "Please? I want to do this with your blessing, but I will do it either way."

This made him laugh, a faint whisper of a sound, and he closed his eyes, frowning, his expression clearly saying he felt rather bullied by all this talk.

She grasped his hand and pushed it forcefully against her chest, making him start and open his eyes. His gaze sought her face and she could almost see his mind working, remembering a time she had done this before, when desperate promises had been made. "I feel it here, that we are connected. I don't know why or how, or even what that really means, but I saw... felt, a rope, a light, linking me to you. I believe, I want to believe," Erin pushed out rather breathlessly, "that it means you can come with me."

The corners of his mouth twitched very slightly, eyes connecting and holding hers as he searched for the answers he needed, and then he rested his head back upon his pillow in defeat, mumbling a few words to a greater being under his breath, making peace with something within himself. "Then I am in your hands." His eyes danced a little with wry amusement, knowing he was giving her exactly what she wanted and finding some joy in that fact, despite his own trepidations. "I would not wish to be in any other's."

Erin let out a little muffled cry of relief and carefully hugged herself to his chest. "Thank you." She pushed her face into the material of his shirt, taking comfort in the scent of him and the warmth of his body for a moment. "I'm..." Erin hesitated, hating the words that wanted to roll off her tongue but knowing nothing else would do, so she spoke them anyway. "Sorry."

"For what you said?"

She pulled back to look at him, and saw that fever burning again, growing a little behind his eyes, distorting his understanding.

"No," Erin said, and squeezed his hand tenderly. "I meant all those words. I'm sorry that you never get a choice in what happens. I'm sorry because I feel that's all you ever wanted and here we all are making your decisions."

"I understand. No other way," Uncas said, and Erin bit her bottom lip, forcing back more damn dry tears because he had said those words so often too, forced down a path he didn't want for necessity or survival, but never for his own desires. "What is, will be," he said in his own language, trying to soothe her visible distress, and Erin made a soft sound of forlorn agreement.

"If there is any way to get you back home, I swear, I'll do it, so you can come back and make the choices you need about your own life." Part of her meant those words so fiercely, and yet part of her, the dark part of her, the selfish part, wanted more. Wanted him to stay in her time if he could, safe and away from all forms of death this time offered as a veritable buffet.

She pushed the emotion away, knowing she was being greedy, knowing she could not let those thoughts win.

"Then I can't ask for more," he said a little breathlessly. "This maybe... is how it is meant to be," he said, his eyes going to the bright blue sky above as if he could read a story in the glittering sparks of sunlight, a new meaning. "This fate you spoke of was actually pushing me towards you all this time." He tried to smile but there was so little humour, so little life behind it now.

"Now, I know you're raving," Erin teased, but she felt a little stone plummet within her, what if he was right? She didn't want them to be together through any type of force, because he had no other choice. "You told me once, that regret is a hard stone," she murmured.

"I did." He reached again for the water skin and Erin helped him drink, patiently waiting for him to slowly swallow, small tiny gulps, his throat moving with the effort of each muscle contraction. He lay back, thoroughly exhausted from the effort, brow now beaded with sweat. She brushed the damp hair from his cheeks, using the cloth Chingachgook had left soaking in herb-scented water to wipe away the perspiration.

"I don't want you to feel regret... not ever." Erin pushed but Uncas wasn't really listening anymore.

"My brother, he must..." He swallowed, as if fighting against being swept away from reality, his fingers grasping for her hand. Erin took it, soothing him with gentle touches, telling him silently to take his time. "Cora," he pushed breathlessly, seemingly finding the words he needed with great effort. "I must tell you before... I cannot."

Erin felt every hair prick in disquiet at those words and the implications behind them, that he thought soon he would not be able to tell her what he wished, because he still believed he would...

She didn't let the thought fully form and tried her best to remain outwardly calm and patient. "What about Cora?"

"Tell... Nathaniel not to be... angry." He spoke each word with rasped effort. "She left you... a letter, made me promise to give it you if things..." His words seemed to grow weaker the more he talked. He pawed a little uselessly at his waist, where his many pouches should have been, but finding them missing his brow furrowed in confusion. Erin stilled his attempts with a gentle hand, hiding her own distress and giving him a reassuring smile.

"Your father bundled them all into this bag. Let me fetch it."

Erin moved, searching fruitlessly a moment in the cloth bag, until finally she pulled out the piece of folded paper within one pouch and showed it to him with a small smile of triumph. He tried to return the expression and failed, and her own smile faltered.

Erin returned to his side, noticing that the letter wasn't sealed, and she glimpsed the blotches of ink that told it had been written in a vast hurry. She slipped it into her pocket and squeezed his arm. "I'll read it in a little while and I'll let Nathaniel read it later when he wakes."

He nodded that this was adequate.

"And I feel the same about regret," she pressed, trying to bring the conversation back to the subject at hand. "I will do all I can so that you never have to feel-"

He stilled her speech with a soft touch, those butterfly fingertips fluttering in delicate demand. "Erin." He gulped audibly, his eyes now rolling a little as he spoke, and with a churning in her gut Erin knew the fever was returning in full force. "You must know, if I die now, now all the truth is laid bare, I must tell you-" He sounded suddenly so unlike himself that Erin couldn't help trying to stop him speaking.

"Hush." She cut him off with a soothing noise. "It's okay. Your father said you should take some more medicine when you awoke. Sleep a little, when you next wake we'll be at the falls and this will all be over." She reached for her bag, pulling it towards her, hand going to the brown bottle.

His hand came to clutch at her wrist, his large fingers encircling and trying feebly to hold her back from giving him the sleep-laden drug. "I would have asked," he said, his dark eyes holding her to him as if he had burned his way through the growing delirium for a brief moment, and then he was gone again, back into the grips of it, his head lolling back onto the pillow. "If I thought I... if I had time, time is gone, all used. I want you to know... I want... my father, he is gone..."

Erin hushed him softly again, feeling her eyes suddenly bloom with painful hot wet tears. She felt a sob catch in her throat and made a small noise to chase it away.

"It's okay, you don't have to do any more now, just sleep." His grip didn't move. She looked up at him and saw a distant glimmer within his eyes that said he had not finished fighting against the fevers attempt at sweeping him away completely, but this battle was exhausting him, she could see it, the sweat gathering upon his brow. "Just sleep," she repeated and saw his resolve begin to falter.

Erin knew she was also being a little selfish in her request, because it sounded like he was trying to say goodbye and she didn't want to hear him say those words, she didn't want to allow him the opportunity to give up.

"Erin..." he tried again.

"Come, no more talk, it's easy to say things you'll regret in the middle of a fever, just rest now." Erin felt a little flicker of panic rush through her nerves as he still didn't loosen his grip, and she understood it wasn't only goodbye she didn't want to hear. She wondered if he could feel the frantic throb of her pulse through the thin skin of her wrist that betrayed her agitation, she wondered if he knew how suddenly scared she was of him saying those words she had so wanted to hear only days before?

He laughed breathlessly, the fever riding along with him now. "It is, I have nothing to lose."

"Yes! Exactly!" She clutched his forearm. "You really have nothing to lose. You are going to be fine. This time tomorrow you will be sat up in bed in a hospital, wondering what on earth you said while out of your tree!" Erin said, a little too curtly, dismissing everything he was saying as folly. She couldn't focus on this now, she couldn't think of what her answer would have been if he'd wanted her to stay with him, not again, it felt too cruel now he was being forced into another choice.

"I can go with no stones of regret," he mumbled, as if he had said far more out loud, as if he had asked all his questions and said his farewells; his fingers lingered across her skin and Erin wanted to baulk against it, the mere hint that he wasn't going to live through this was unbearable.

She suddenly wanted to fall apart and tell him everything, how worried she had been thinking he didn't want her, how her own thoughts had pushed and pulled her about like a tug of war, how she would have stayed if he'd asked... but it felt like a selfish thing to burden him with now. Now his choices were no longer fully his own, she didn't want to make herself his emotional crutch in a new world, the reason he'd stay when he'd really had no say about any of this.

She pushed her lips together, for her own sake, for his sake, so when there was that blissful next time of choices to be made, when he lived through this, he could make those choices unencumbered by duty, loyalty and obligation.

She had to be the strong one.

"We can talk about this later, you need to sleep."

'A, B, B, C, C, D...' her mind sang mockingly.

She gently removed herself from his frail grip and pulled out the brown bottle and swilled the contents, checking how much they had left, more than enough until the falls it seemed. She retrieved a battered old metal mug and poured out a little water from the skin into it and then measured out a few drops from the bottle with a careful eye, just as Chingachgook had instructed her. Erin then guided Uncas into taking sips of the liquid, until it was all drained, and eased him back into a comfortable position, humming a lullaby from her childhood that her mother had often sang to her. She began stroking his hair, working her way gently to his temple, her thumb pad skimming across his eyebrow in a soft lingering touch until his breathing began to even out into slow rises and falls of his chest, as the drug began to work, easing the fever and making him very sleepy.

"Your singing," he mumbled, his eyes closed as sleep crept up to claim him, "it's... not so bad."

Erin smiled and wiped at her sore eyes, realizing she had so many more tears left to shed.

/

A/N

Friday, hallo!

I hope you are all well and that the story isn't moving too slowly for you. I know the plot has not advanced much, but I'm hoping you feel the character development and theme is constantly moving forward. The angst will not last forever, it will all have a meaning too.

We are getting to the core of what I wanted this story to be truly about, so I did take my time with these next few chapters, to set up what will come at the finish of this story. The end is in sight, but it will not be smooth sailing, there are still many mountains to overcome and many emotional choices to be made that will break and mend hearts and maybe break them again, maybe not. I'm teasing you, but it should be a fun ride. I hope you'll join me.

I am more than grateful for those sticking with me, your presence makes me feel this monster of a story was worth not only writing, but uploading too and sharing this all with you. A view lifts my spirits, a fav or follow means I am encouraged, a comment leaves me on cloud 9. I truly hope you find joy and enjoyment here. Your enjoyment really does help my own. Thank you.

Until next week