HELP! How The Fuck Do I First Woman!? (Hazbin Hotel - Eve SI Chapter 5)
Another day in Paradise. Kinda funny how for me that phrase is literal.
I wonder if I can make other game zones like the vine swinging jungle.
Maybe a snow mountain to slide on? Wait. I'd have to make the skiis myself out of wood. Maybe a board would be easier?
Can I just... edit a tree into a snowboard? Hmm, gonna have to check. I feel like it might go against the spirit of learning how to do things here. What's with the Tasks basically being about me and Adam learning to be self-sufficient and all.
Now it was time to watch Adam Name a Being once again. Thinking about it, I never realized Adam had his guard up around me before. Sure he would genuinely smile and was happy around me, especially when I hugged him or was close to him.
But... He never seemed to actively be the one to do so, or start thing. He never was the one who joked first. He didn't hug me first, it's always in response. I liked him being considerate, but it wasn't that.
I think he might have been subconsciously afraid from screwing up, when dealing with me. It made him walk on eggshells at time around me, I feel.
Now, he seems more relaxed. He'd even give me a peck on the cheek, when we're alone and were going to different places after the Tasks, or when I succeed in something. It felt nice. Actually, scratch that, it feel good being wanted honestly like that.
I wonder if we're inventing romance, or if it had already been invented?
"Eve," Sera spoke, breaking me from my musing. "For today, I wanted to ask if you'd do the Naming of one of the Undefined Beings."
"Errr, what? Wait, me? Isn't that Adam's job?" I asked, confused.
"While true, it is his Gift, it is possible for you to also Name a Being. Thus, after discussing it with the Heavenly Elders, we wished to how you'd take to such endeavor."
I looked to Adam to see his reaction, at the Angels wanting me to take a crack at his job.
"You should give it a try." He gave me an encouraging smile and nod.
"Okay," I nodded back. "I'll give it a shot."
There were multiple Undefined Beings, All of them were of course abstract with a lot of undefined characteristics, except one or two features that stayed as a core thing to each of them.
When Sera described the ideas behind their creations I couldn't make heads or tails of what the end result should be. It was always, "this is an bird meant to live in a desert or dry-like environment", "this is an animal meant to climb trees", "this is a fruit meant for cooler weather". It could have been any of the dozens, or who knows hundreds, of examples of things that lived in those places.
"What about that one?" I asked, as one of the Undefined Beings present was... a bit more organized. Less chaotic than the rest, like the Angel who made it had more of an idea on what their doing rather than going for vague inspirations.
Adam perked up on that.
"Ah, that one." Sera also smiled. "This is an Idea Adam had passed by us, as he wished to create a, as he called it, 'an extremely fast bird' that can travel long distances, and 'live anywhere'."
The image of a certain falcon immediately came to mind. Is that what this is? If I ask, will it end up Naming it, before I could actually give Naming a try?
"I'm guess I'm suppose to do this the long way, rather than skip to the end." I said, looking at Sera.
"You guessed correctly." She nodded, her motherly smile as always present.
"Eve," Adam spoke. "I'd be honored if you could Name my Idea." He said, and I couldn't help by smile at the heartwarming gesture and faith in me.
"Hehe, okay," I skipped to him and pecked him on the cheek. "Thanks." He blushed at the gesture. PDA is Adam's weak point. So cute~!
I went to the Undefined Being I'd be working on.
I've watched Adam Name Being dozens of times by now, so I at least know how to start.
I focus on Being and...
Okay, ever played those games with character creation at the start? Now imagine that but with a million options to consider rather than twenty or so.
"Alright, first the beak, something small that doesn't get in the way. Yellow then goes darker to then... black?" I tried to remember what the peregrine falcon looked like in color from memory. I could see it in my mind with my superpowered memory now, yet I wasn't sure if it was black or dark blue. "The beak should be notched, and the claws should be... Ooookay, why did everything else change?" I said in a mini-panic.
I changed how the beaks are, and the claws straight and sharp, and suddenly all the other parameters moved.
No, they also moved when I changed first made the beak, but I didn't notice.
"Yeah. Everything about a Being is connected to all aspects of it." Adam explained. "So when you decide on a small beak or a big one, short wing span, or long wings, it affects everything else. One thing you adjust, might not affect its predatory behavior, but affects it's friendly behavior, as well as it's travel territory and stamina. There are always rippling effects and so on and so forth."
"...Right."
Okay, if I didn't have the answer already in my head, this would have been some world class ultimate champion puzzle that needs AI to beat, and then some eleven year old kid from Minnesota would do it, in half the time because he was bored or something.
Wait, didn't they discover multiple protein sequences by making it a video game or something.
I shook my head and focus.
Anyways, I'm the one who had to deal with this puzzle. So time to get to puzzle fixing. Or whatever it is you do with puzzle.
Wait, brain fart.
Solve.
You solve puzzles.
40 Minutes Later
"Okay, that wasn't so bad." I said as I finished the peregrine falcon's physical form, body structure, internal organ and biological systems. "Now the behavioral aspects, and physical and mental responses and adaptions to environmental changes."
2 Hours Later
"What. The. Fuck!?" My face was one of pure shock. "How did it even get to dive bombing a potential mate to the point of exploding it's body on impact, as a mating ritual? And what? The female are suppose to sense and dodge that, and then mate with the male if they're luck enough to survive the crash?!"
"Yeeeeah," Adam's bashful voice, full of tiredness and understanding drew me away from the Being, letting me get a mental break. "The behavioral characteristics and how the Being will interact with literally everything tends to take the bulk of my time when Naming a Being. You have to make sure the Being can actually be part of the part of the ecosystem. It needs to slide into that complex web of life on earth and have it's place. That's why you need to take into account, well, everything really. About it's behaviors with other species as well as it's own."
"...Adam, I haven't even gotten to the part about it interacting with other species." I pointed out.
"Yeeeah..." He looked away and rubbed his neck.
Suspicious, I looked back at those Interaction Behavioral Aspects of the Undefined Falcon.
"Why would it fight with dolphins on sight? And why is it's first instinct upon seeing a whale is to jump in it's mouth?"
"Really? I thought you'd be more surprised at the butt dance upon seeing a scorpion?"
"What the fuck!?"
3 Hours Later
"Okay..." I said with a sigh. "This... should be everything for how it would interact with members of it's own species. Now..." I took a deep breath. "For interactions with other species." I looked at all the connections I needed to adjust and take into account. "Oh boy."
This is gonna take hours.
"You... need to take into account interactions with plants, insects and fish as well. Not just birds and animals." Adam said apologetically.
My eyes widened at how my mental estimations of how long this is gonna take.
"H-Hey, don't worry. It took me a long time to get this right when I was first starting out too."
I purposely didn't ask how long it took Adam to not depress myself.
5 Hours Later
"Eve," Sera spoke.
"Uuuh?" I blinked at I looked at her. I was too focused on the Undefined Being, that I needed to blink and adjust to looking at something else.
"I believe you have worked on this long enough. I think Adam can take over for now—"
"No, no." I waved her off, causing her to blink in surprise, thrown aback. "I started this, I'll finish it. Don't want to get into that bad habit of just picking the easy option, just because it's available."
"Having your husband support you, isn't 'picking the easy option'." Sera said.
"Yeah, but this is a skill I need to learn, so let me learn it." I said back, before realizing my sharp tone might have been too biting and rude. "Please." I said in a softer tone.
"Very well," Sera nodded. She seemed to try to hide a proud smile. "If that is your choice, I'll leave you to it. There is no time limit, so this Being will be left for you to finish for as long as you will. However, the day is almost done, and you have not finished your other Tasks. I understand that you might feel tired, but they might come some days were you need to work, while tired. Thus I'd ask that you'd carry on your daily Tasks today as well."
"The day sky is starting to turn to the night sky. How long have I been at this?" I asked, scratching my head.
"Ten hours, seventeen minutes and—"
"TEN! HOURS!?"
Three days.
It took me three fucking days to finally Name that fucker.
"I Name you Falcon."
The possibilities coalesced and became Certain.
The Falcon screeched in pride.
"Now fly away before I punch you in your fucking beak!"
Screech!
It quickly fled.
"Eve, that was a mean thing to say to our bird friend." Adam said.
"You're right," I let out a sigh. "But right now I don't want to see a single bird for the rest of the day."
Another day.
"Eve, I have another Undefined Being I wish for you to Name. This one is one of the Idea that was put aside due to it's difficult nature in Naming. If you do not wish to go through with it, Adam had already said he doesn't mind handling it already." Sera said.
I looked at Adam to see him frowning, almost glaring at the Undefined Being. Although I had a feeling he wasn't looking directly at it, but at something else it reminded him off.
Looking at the Undefined Being, it was the being collective mess of Ideas I've seen mashed into one Being thus far.
Who could it...
This is Lucifer's work, isn't it? At least that's what my gut is telling me.
"Nah, it's fine." I said, making Adam look at me in concern. "I'll take a swing at it. Besides, I don't just watch you anymore, when you Name."
That's right, the past few days I've been actually concentrating and studying what Adam does when he Name a being. Trying to see his process and how he makes the connections to all a Being's Aspects and how to make them cohesive and work with everything else. God damn is Adam fast in actually figuring out not just a Being's physical form, but then extrapolate from that to everything about it's psychology and environmental behavior and impact.
"I can do this." I said with a nod.
"What the frick? Why does it have venom spit? That doesn't work at all with it's body type or structure. This thing is a mammal, not a reptile!"
"The sonar ears really don't work. They'd be torture for this thing."
"WHY THE FUCK DOES IT HAVE ROCKET PUNCHES!? WHAT THE SHIT? WHO DESIGNED THIS?!"
"Ah," Sera coughed. "That would be one of our older siblings. He was one of our most creative, yet he is no longer allowed to present Ideas for Eden, for he was banished from the Elder Council and the Garden."
"If I see him, I'm punching him in the face! What the ◼◼◼◼ was he thinking? And keeping the nerves connected? You're not gonna fucking retract the arm! It was blown off!"
"Eve," Sera said with concern, as she blinked at few times, looking confused. "Did you inve... uninvent... did you make an odd cancelling sound just now mid-sentence?"
"Huh?"
"Holy crap, where the crap did this electric touch come from? That's not a thing animals have! Only types of fish or something can work with that! Seriously!" I shouted that last work and stopped as I didn't want to start cussing.
Okay, this Being is definitely Lucifer's work, even if Sera or Adam didn't confirm this yet.
It's been a day and I haven't even gotten close to finishing the physical shape. I finally figured out what animals this is suppose to be. Mainly from the pouch it had on it's belly, for its young. And the legs made for hopping.
I had to remove the fire blasts in their sole for high jumps.
One thing I realized by accident is that I can't say ◼◼◼◼. Can't even think it. Thankfully some fast talking and having Sera and Adam focus on my work had them forget about my word slip.
Right, just like with the falcon, this is gonna take more than a day.
It's fine, patience and perseverance eventually completes any work.
"WHY THE FRICK IS IT SO CANNABIALSTIC!?"
"It doesn't. Have. A retreat. Behavior. Wwwwwwhhyy?"
"Why does it keep putting acid it finds in its pouch meant for its kids!?"
"It has. Functioning teeth. Why does it head-butts food before it puts in its mouth?"
"Okay, I see the appeal of making its tail strong enough to support its weight to sit on it, and kick its opponent. Sadly, that would make it a bit too dangerous, because then the tail would have enough muscle strength that it could act as a whip. So no. You just get mega strong kicks."
Finally.
After nine fucking days, I was done.
"I. Name. You. Kangaroo."
The possibilities coalesced and became Certain.
The kangaroos shakes its head, looks around joyfully before looking at me and smiling.
"So, feeling good? Good hop, good breeze and everything?"
The kangaroo nodded.
I smile back. Menacingly.
"Cool. NOW PUT UP D'EM HANDS MOTHERFUCKER, LET'S FUCKING GO!"
"Eve, EVE, CALM DOWN!"
"NO, THIS BATTLE IS DESTINY, ADAM! FATE HAS DECREED US AS ENEMIES! RAAAAAAAARH!"
"GGGRAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" The kangaroo was just born and prepared for battle.
As the Seraphim and Adam were meditating between Eve and the kangaroos, outside of Eden two individuals observed the happenings within it with curiosity, fascination and disapproval.
