Chapter 1

[Randall Campbell]

"Fuck!" he heard Zev say as he punched and kicked what little remained of the storehouse's door. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" his business partner continued. Each curse escaped through gritted teeth accompanied by a new hit against the brick wall.

Randall spared a look toward their latest, and perhaps greatest, failure to date. Parts of the walls were completely missing, huge holes could be found at some places as if a giant beast had just rammed right through the whole building. Shards of glass and merchandise, destroyed beyond salvation and recognition, littered the street that led to the front of the door. Well, what was left of it anyway.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have trusted the most destructive Guild in all of Fiore to not have everything go up in flames for us," he commented, taking a drag of his cigarette and slowly letting the smoke out after a moment. "That's on us," he added, looking up at the clear sky out the window as he leaned back on his chair, the sounds of Magnolia's main street surrounding him.

Sitting there, he could almost forget that everything he'd always been working towards had crumbled. Randall could almost forget that his hopes for a better future had slipped through his fingers like he'd been trying to stop a wave from moving back to the ocean. 'Maybe it was always going to be like this,' he thought. How many things had he tried? Not one of them had worked.

Maybe it had all been futile all along.

He was never going to give up though. He'd make his own path even if it killed him. He'd just been trying to find a better way to do it. One that he wouldn't have to struggle with that much. One that would be more secure and stable. Alas, it was not to be.

'Doesn't matter,' he thought, strangely calm despite the circumstances. Bringing the cigarette back to his lips, he took a second drag and turned his attention back to the man who had calmed himself down and decided to take the chair across the table from him. Zev had certainly looked better though.

His normally impeccable appearance, which he liked so much to maintain, was completely in tatters. The suit was covered in soot and full of wrinkles. The knot of his tie had become undone and the thing now dangled from his neck messily. His usual slicked-back dark hair was a complete mess as he continued to run his hands through it in frustration.

"You would think those animals would at least know how to keep their own turf clean on the most important day of their year. But no, it seems we can't even trust them to do that right," Zev snarled as an answer, aggressively grasping the glass of alcohol at his side of the table, before gulping the contents down in one swallow.

If it wasn't obvious by the regularly snobbish man's current disheveled appearance that he was beyond furious, then this would have given it away. Randall raised an eyebrow at the man, downing the whole thing in one shot instead of enjoying the drink 'in the proper way' as Zev liked to call it.

"Again, we should have known better," Randall said, still strangely calm as he poured the man a refill of the expensive spirit. If only so the man didn't go around and destroy the bottle in another fit of rage, he thought. It was an expensive brand, after all, that they had bought all the way when they'd started working together.

They had saved it for a special occasion.

Randall guessed the situation was plenty special, if not the kind they were both hoping for at the time. They had been saving it for whenever they managed to get a win. They'd open it and drink it whenever they managed to succeed and raise, when one of their projects took off and their lives crawled out of the hole they had always been in.

Instead, there they were, drinking it to drown the miserable feeling of failure. He shook his head with a hollow smile as he took his own glass and brought it to his lips. He took barely a sip before resting the thing back down and taking another drag from his cigarette. Idly, he shook the thing over the ashtray and let the smoke out while looking up towards the ceiling.

"I guess this is it," he said, taking yet another – longer this time – drag and finishing the cigarette. "Man, our luck sucks," he added with a chuckle that let out the poison in his lungs. He put the cigarette off in the ashtray and took out another. He normally didn't go through so many so quickly, but it was a special occasion and… and…

'And fuck it,' he decided, not even trying to come up with excuses.

"Time to do things the hard way," he mumbled as he lit up the thing and took a drag off of it. Then he looked at Zev, who looked like he was only half-paying attention. His business partner looked, at that very moment, nothing like the shrewd businessman Randall knew him to be. He looked more like a rabid beast really. Then again, he couldn't stand losses of any kind and they'd had to endure one right after the other for a long time. This last one must have been the straw that broke the camel's back. "It was good while it lasted, Zev, but I guess this is where I draw the line. I give up," he said, taking another gulp of his drink before sighing.

That pulled Zev out of his tantrum. The man seemed to regain some of his wits as his cold steel eyes locked on him. His frown changed into an unimpressed raised eyebrow.

"And care to explain what this 'hard way' is? I don't suppose you are planning to run back to your father and beg for more money, are you?" Zev's hands went through his hair combing it backward, back into position, if still a bit frayed.

Randall looked at the man, neither surprised nor really angry. He had bigger problems than Zev's annoyance, after all. He did find his accusation a little irritating, he supposed, but the man was angry so it was whatever.

"I never begged my father for money. All I ever used was my own and I've run out. So… Now I'll have to earn some more the hard way," he explained, looking at his glass as he moved it in a circling motion. "I'll see what Guild will take me and do jobs like a normal mage, I guess," he commented, his lips pulling into a grimace of a smile before he sighed. It wasn't ideal, but it was Plan B for a reason. Better than being under his father's thumb, at least.

Zev's own face mimicked his own, yet it seemed that even he could see that it was the most profitable way forward. Their funds had almost run out, and their shop now lay in ruins before them. It was ironic that the first auxiliary plan that came to mind was to join a guild when it was one of them who had destroyed his dreams.

Fucking Thunder God Tribe and fucking Fairy Tail. The Parade was their thing and they couldn't even keep from destroying that, it seemed. How they had become the best Guild in Fiore was beyond Randall, honestly, but that wasn't important anymore, he supposed.

That was still one Guild Randall wasn't going to join even if it was the last option in Fiore.

"I see," Zev answered, unknowingly pulling Randall from his musing. "While I find the idea distasteful, to say the least, I can understand where you are coming from." The man continued tugging and patting at his own clothes, a vain attempt to clean himself from all the soot. His lips pulled into a frown when his clothes still didn't meet his standards. "You have given this some thought, any particular Guild you had in mind?"

"A top Guild would be preferable. I like Blue Pegasus better but Lamia Scale is closer and I don't have that much money left…" Randall mused out loud, half answering and half talking to himself as he considered his options. "I don't know what the requirements to join those are though. If I can't make it, I'll just have to settle for one of the new ones," he mused, a self-deprecating smile on his face as he took another drag of his cigarette. Plan B-2, as it were, since new Guilds had very low chances of making it through their first year when competing against giants like the top Guilds.

Zev shook his head while interlacing his fingers.

"It is better if we stay away from Lamia Scale at the moment. There is news that they had started their yearly conflict with Orochi's Fin early this year. I would rather we didn't get involved in their turf war." The man stopped for a moment to see if he had anything to add. When Randall remained silent, however, Zev continued. "As for Blue Pegasus, rumor says that they had been on quite the quest streak as of late. Also buying tons of exotic materials from all over Fiore. It was supposed to be our next destination given your magic. I thought it would have made us some profit if we were to sell some of our stock there," the man continued as he generated a small translucent screen from his hand and turned it around for him to see.

After the man was done talking, Randall just stared at him for a long moment even though his eyes did skim through the information in the magical panel. It showed some information about Blue Pegasus and statistics about the bought materials. There were numbers of profit they could have made and long term trade deals that Zev had already planned out.

"We?" he asked, raising an eyebrow, his cigarette and drink forgotten for the moment. No offense to Zev, really, but Randall was sure he'd be dropped like a hot potato as soon as he ran out of money. He didn't have any delusions as to what his role in their whole business was and he'd been fine with that. There were worse things to be than an investor, really, and the less work he had to do the better. Now that their project was in shambles and he didn't have any more money to give without leaving himself in the streets though…

"Your magic is useful, the ability to store pretty much anything is very rare. Even Requip mages center themselves in one or two types of objects. You don't have that limitation," Zev stated without a hint of shame. He didn't even bother to sugarcoat the fact that he was using him as a glorified pack mule… but then again Randall had been using him as well, so he guessed it was fair. "Even if the merchandise business didn't pan out. It's more profitable for us to stick together when our magics work so well together."

That last part was debatable, Randall supposed. Zev's Archive Magic was good for business in general, which meant that it worked well with anything that he could turn a profit from. Randall's magic fell into that category, but saying that they "worked well together" was a bit of a stretch.

His business partner was buttering him up, basically.

"I guess we could stick together," he replied anyway with a half smile, because there was nothing bad in that. Teams were a lot better at getting jobs in general. The only real downside to one was that it could break people apart pretty easily if things went downhill. Zev and him weren't friends though, not really. So, if they went their separate ways down the line, then it'd be fine. It was basically all wins and very few losses.

A great deal, as his father would say.

[}-o-{]

[Zev Journey]

Both of them had packed whatever little they could salvage from the utter fiasco that was the Harvest Festival. There wasn't much and it was just another reminder of their failure. Zev could still feel the bubbling anger simmering inside him just looking at the remains.

Everything had been going smoothly. They had even managed to get a spot close to the main streets of Magnolia before the main event. That in itself would have already been enough to make up for the admittedly astronomical fees they had paid for it to get the reservation literally months in advance.

Magnolia was one of the biggest and most populated cities in Fiore. Even more so during the Festival where the infamous Guild would parade around showing their magic and celebrities around. Events like that were rare and attracted a lot of people, attracted a lot of money.

Hence why so many merchants came from all over the country. Each of them was fully willing to pay an arm and a leg for a spot to sell their wares. It was the reason for so many sleepless nights working and planning for everything to go just right. It was the reason why he had to force his face to not scrunch in disgust as he shook the greasy hands of the landlord of the place and placed his business smile on his face.

Yet all of those months of work and investment were lost in the span of a few hours… By a man-child throwing a tantrum against his grandfather… It made him sick. Even the news of his excommunication – something he read about in this morning's newspaper – did little to calm him down.

Dozens of millions in damages to the whole town. The use of highly illegal military-grade Lacrimas to hold the entire population hostage. Who knew how many crimes had been committed there too that Zev didn't know about, ranging from arson to unsanctioned violence.

All of that only earned Laxus Dreyar a simple excommunication from his grandfather. The Guild didn't even kick up a fuss over it. He might as well have just gotten away with a slap on the wrist. They'd even kept the rest of the gods damned Thunder God Tribe.

"We are here," Randall, his… associate, called for his attention then, gesturing toward the red brick building with a green dome on top of it. It didn't look bad, though he found the wings at the sides of it to be of… questionable taste. At the very least, it was perfectly symmetrical.

"So we are," he responded as they both opened the old wood doors and the muted ruckus they could hear from outside suddenly increased multiple notches.

People milled about, rushing from one side of the building to another in a disorganized mess of activity. Boisterous laughter resounded across the interior as group upon group of mages gossiped away at the tables. Others just screamed at the bar staff and got screamed at in turn in a vain attempt to be heard over all the chaos.

At the center, he could spot a wooden pillar about five meters tall, filled to the brim with sheets of paper that he idly identified as quests. Multiple people just looked through them and occasionally grabbed one before bringing them back to one of the groups sitting at the tables to discuss. Others would just grab them and take them directly to the counter to be approved before making their way out of the building dodging randomly thrown mugs and food with practiced ease.

He already had half a mind to turn back and leave the wretched place behind.

"Well, they are lively," Randall commented, sounding about as excited as Zev felt. Despite that, however, the man still held that lazy, mildly amused smile on his face that he always had. Everything he saw and everywhere he went, he had that expression and Zev couldn't, for the life of him, figure out why that was. "Let's get this over with, yeah?" he asked then, looking around to try and find where they needed to go to apply for the Guild.

"I don't see any registration desks… let's go ask the bartender then," he answered, also failing at finding any clue to the application queue… or any queue for that matter. 'Would it kill these people to have some order?'

No wonder they were all such a mess, he thought as he followed Randall across the room. He made extra sure he didn't step over any puddle of liquids spilled on the floor. He would rather not have to burn his shoes.

"... We… aren't really taking in new members right now," the bartender said when they asked though, making Randall's smile slip the smallest bit, even if it didn't disappear.

"... Not at all?" the man asked, more confused than angry. Since when did Guilds just… stop accepting people altogether?

"There has to be a mistake, ma'am. We both possess the qualifications to enter this Guild, I am sure," Zev continued while he pushed his and Randall's documentation across the bar for the plump lady to look at once more. "If some kind of test of capabilities is necessary, I am sure we-"

"I'm sorry, really," she interrupted, forcing him to bite his tongue to not lash out. The, either unaware or uncaring, woman looked down at the papers and skimmed over them with disinterest once again. "You do look like you could be accepted, easily, but we aren't taking in more members for now. Master's orders. I'm sorry," she explained, looking genuinely apologetic.

Fat load of good that did them.

"I… see," Randall replied slowly, staring flatly at the woman, who seemed to grow uncomfortable by the second.

Zev for his part just took a deep breath at the fact they were basically being kicked out at the door before they'd even actually gotten a foot through it.

"May I know why, ma'am?"

"I can't say. I'm sorry," she answered and Zev felt his eye twitch. "We weren't really told the reason, but we have our guesses. The Master just said we had enough on our hands for now and that it was better to focus on the members we already have," she explained then.

Neither Zev nor Randall did anything for a long, silent, and very tense moment.

"Men~!" a voice exclaimed then, signaling the entrance of who could very easily be the ugliest man in a suit Zev had ever seen. Or ugliest man period, really. "Is there a problem here?"

"We are just wondering why you aren't accepting new applications to join," Randall said, putting on his best good boy look. Zev would grudgingly admit that it was good acting on his part. "You wouldn't happen to-"

"I'm sorry, but those are the Master's orders and we stick to them, young men," the thing told them, making Randall's mask fall immediately. "Now, I know you are angry about this, but nothing can be done. I'll have to ask you to leave, if that's all. A gentleman should know when a lady means no… Men~!" the… creature in front of them said as he pointed at them with twin finger pistols and a wink.

Zev shuddered in disgust.

Randall chuckled hollowly.

The plump lady, for her part, reacted much like Zev did.

"No worries, man. We will take our leave then," Randall said while raising his hands in a lackadaisical show of surrender.

Zev was inclined to agree with him. While the ridiculous pose hadn't changed, the oppressing pressure coming from the short man in front of them seemed to increase by the second. He could almost physically feel the weight on his shoulders.

"Might need Plan B-2 in the end, huh?" Randall muttered under his breath. "Thank you for the help," he added then, louder but very clearly lying through his teeth as he addressed the staff member and the mage, whoever the fuck he was. With nothing else said, he turned and started walking back towards the door.

Both of them left the premises of Blue Pegasus swiftly without answers. A feeling of despair grew on them at having yet another path forward taken away from them. Were he the superstitious sort, Zev would have thought that they might as well be cursed, right now.

Nothing they did seemed to go anywhere.

"Now what?" he asked as once they were outside and mostly alone. The people on the street couldn't care less for them, after all.

"Now… How is Lamia Scale looking for you now? Because I'd rather not go for Quatro Cerberus," Randall grumbled, rubbing his neck as if to demonstrate the reason for his statement. Zev could get behind that sentiment, that was for sure.

"I agree with that assessment," Zev said with some degree of disgust. Neither of them really wanted anything to do with those freaks at Quatro Cerberus after all. Even if they were on the list, they were still at the very bottom of it for them. "Lamia Scale is certainly not optimal right now, but it is still an option. Too successful to ignore, even with their current conflict. Biggest Guilds should be the priority, then we scale down from there in the worst case scenario."

Zev manifested a golden-colored screen with his magic. Information taken from his mind was quickly parsed and categorized. Names of different guilds, locations, common quest types they tended to take, and even their standing with the Council were put on display.

"We've got traveling to do, I guess."

[}-o-{]

[Bob, Master of Blue Pegasus]

Master Bob sat on his large chair filling through some council documents as the door opened.

Immediately, he pushed away the paperwork, happy with any reason to put it off at least for a bit. Nobody had told him that it was going to be such a pain to deal with before he got the job… Which made sense, he supposed.

Maybe once Christina was finished and the Balam Alliance taken care of, he'd have some time to actually breathe and do other human things.

He could only hope.

"Do you perhaps have a moment, Master, men~!" Ichiya said as he entered the door and directed a wink and a pose at him.

"Of course, I always have time for such a cutie like you, dear~," Bob said as he daintily cupped his cheek with his hand.

"Thank you, Master, men~!" the short man gave his thanks as he carefully closed the door behind him. His dashing looks and attire were immaculate as always, but he had known the man for far too long to spot the little quirks that gave away a hint of annoyance.

"Oh, it happened again?" Bob said knowingly as he covered his mouth delicately. There was only one reason he could think of that would put Ichiya in a bad mood in current times, after all.

"Yes, Master. A pair this time, they seemed to be insistent about waiting to join. They even made a beautiful damsel like Sasha uncomfortable, so un-men~! Like, men~!" The man said, striking a pose at the end of his rant.

Bob just tittered behind his hand.

"Well, it's to be expected that some cuties would be a little angry at getting kicked out at the door. I hope they didn't cause any big problems?" he guessed it was to be expected, it was hardly the first time that it had happened, and it probably wouldn't be the last.

That was why he needed to finish Project Christina as soon as possible. He couldn't let so many cute people escape his grasp! It was practically killing him from the inside!

"No, Master. They retreated in awe after experiencing a bit of my Handsomeness firsthand, men~!" Ichiya answered. "Still, how long until we are ready, Master? I and the Trimens can't always be here to kick out every new person that shows up."

"Soon, my dear, soon," he stated as his attention went to the stack of blueprints at the side of the table. It was a shame to do something like that with a dream like Project Christina, but needs must. At least they'd been halfway through it before the Council had decided that throwing the Balam Alliance on their collective laps was a great idea.

Not that Bob thought putting that off was a good idea, but he was allowed to complain about the terrible timing in his own head. His Guild members were already working themselves into the ground as it was without having to speed up a monumental thing that was to build a first-of-its-kind flying fortress-battleship like Christina. On top of that, they couldn't even recruit new members because they had found spies in their numbers.

As if Bob and his fellow Guild Masters hadn't had enough on their plates already. However, if it was that easy to take care of the Balam Alliance, they wouldn't have become the greatest group of Dark Guilds seen in the last century.

"It would be better that you prepare yourselves, dear~. Even with Christina on our side, it won't be an easy mission. A Master worries about his cuties getting harmed," Bob said in a whiny voice with a pouty face.

"Worry not, Master. I shall make sure that all of us return home gallantly and even more handsome! Men~!" Ichiya exclaimed with full conviction as he tried to reassure Bob.

"Oh my, I feel my heart quickening. You'll make me blush, Ichiya," he said, waving his face with his hand. The flirting banter let him calm his frying nerves slightly. He had been running on fumes as of late about as much as his members were.

Things couldn't be over soon enough, honestly.

[} Chapter End {]

Arc: Fun fact: This is actually the third version we have written of this story. All of them have different starts and plotlines, but the general idea was always the same. What would be the story of two people who actually dislike Fairy Tail instead of wanting to join them? You could say these two are the opposite of Arvid and Saul from Magical Routine. (second fun fact: this story was written even before that one was a thing)

Adrian: God, I hate Ichiya. And Bob, but Ichiya most of all.

Arc: Men~!

Adrian: I'll kill you… Anyway, we hope you guys liked the chapter. There'll be one or two or three more following this one. We've decided (more like Arc did, but I'm saying we so it seems like I do stuff) that it's for the better if we have several chapters of the same series at least to get started. That way there's a more clear idea of what each fic is about. So… yeah… Nothing else to add, really.

Arc's Random Headcanon Fact: Fiore is currently the third country with the most mages per capita in the continent. This is a recent phenomenon mostly due to the rising tensions between Ishgar and Alvarez which made the main branch of the Council relocate further north-west. The other two countries are Minstrel and Pengrade respectively.

Adrian's Random Question: What do you think about these random headcanon facts being a thing for Revenue?

Discord Link: discord .gg/UTDransjJZ