a/n: Poka, thank you for such a kind review. It really meant the world to me. Shout out to starboy454 and Time Keeper, this series is really special to me and I'm glad you all are enjoying it.
Prompt: first morning waking up to each other
Chapter 7: Safety
Hermione felt a weight on her chest. She knew it was Harry even before her brain caught up with the events of the previous evening. Opening her eyes, she saw Harry was still sleeping. She didn't want to wake him. Not yet. She wanted just this one second to think about the monumental step they had just taken. Together. Panic, joy, fear, calm, love… it all crashed into her, all at once. A conversation came unbidden: One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode . The last person she wanted to think about was Ron. But she felt like she might explode. Harry Potter loved her.
For a second, fear rose to the surface of her emotional tidal wave. She knew what was within him. He didn't. Not yet. Dumbledore must have known and decided not to tell him. It hadn't taken Hermione long with the Magick Moste Evile before the possibility reared its ugly head. Harry had a piece of Voldemort within him. A horcrux the dark wizard had never intended to make. It had to be the reason for the connection that scared her so much. It was the reason she was so adamant that Harry not use the connection between him and Voldemort even if it could get them precious information. She worried that if he gave the fragment of soul permission to control any part of him, it would take more. Her only hope lay in the fact that it didn't act like a horcrux. It had never stopped him from casting a patronus like the necklace had. It never affected the people close to Harry. It was different. That gave her hope that it could be destroyed without destroying Harry. She didn't know how. Something had kept her from telling him her suspicions. Maybe she was waiting to have a solution. What use was it for him to know? And at this point it was just a suspicion.
He let out a small groan. She held her breath. Fear left her and calm took over. They could just enjoy a moment of peace. Try to embrace normalcy, even if it was a temporary state.
"I can hear you thinking," Harry said and then opened his eyes.
"You can not," she responded, snuggled in closer to him.
"Hm. So loud," he kissed her and smiled. "How are you? Okay with last night?"
His uncertainty touched her. Not many people would be more concerned with the other person. A reminder that there could be relationships built on trust and mutual respect. She intertwined her fingers in his. Studied the way their hands came together. "Last night was amazing. Thank you."
Harry readjusted a pillow to get a better look at her face. "Do you think it was meant for just the one night?"
"No," she answered quickly. She didn't want him to doubt for a second her commitment to whatever journey they were embarking upon. "I think we should do that again."
He nuzzled her neck, hitting a particularly sensitive spot. "And again?"
Laughing, her shoulder lifted in response to his touch as it tickled her. "And again," she agreed.
His hand skimmed her bare skin. She had always thought being so vulnerable would be uncomfortable. Harry's words from the night before came back to her. His criticism of Ron and she realized that her anxiety over her first time was always in a context of trying to think about what it would be like to be in a similar position with Ron. Worrying about how she looked, what she did, how he'd respond. With Harry there she had no insecurities. She never had any around him. Of course there wouldn't be any now.
"You're thinking really loudly again. Are you sure you're okay?"
Hermione rolled over to look at him completely. The blanket slipped away and she didn't care that she was naked. She felt safer in his embrace than any other time in her life. Her finger traced the lines of his face. "I was thinking—"
"Oh I know," he said, turning his head to kiss the palm of her hand.
"I was thinking," she repeated with a small chuckle, "That you make me feel safe. I didn't think it could be like this. I heard from others how awkward and uncomfortable their first time was. But this is just… us."
"I think we both deserve something that makes us feel safe. You've been that for me for a while now. Someone I could be myself with. That's the difference with those other relationships," he said, going out of his way to not invoke Ron's name. It wasn't just about Ron anymore. It was about them and what they meant to each other. "Loads of people pretending to be someone else when they're getting to know each other. It's a surprise when they're made to face the real person. You've never hidden yourself from me."
She smoothed his hair back, saw the lightning shaped scar and wondered if he was wrong. If by keeping her hunch about the horcrux a secret that hid some part of her from him. Her hand slipped down and rested on his chest. She felt his heart beat strongly under her touch. She remembered feeling it when he hugged her after Sirius was killed. It was a different tempo. Back then it was fast and chaotic. Today it was a calm, steady beat that reminded her of floating in a lake, letting the current move her. There would be time later to worry about the future. They had each other today. Hermione took in a deep breath. "I love you," she finally said to him. She knew she hadn't had a chance to return his declaration the night before.
The look on his face melted her heart a small measure. It was a mix of pride and sentimentality. It occurred to her those weren't words that he had heard often in his life. Her parents said it all the time to her. It was as casual as a goodbye in her family. Certainly he would have never heard it from the Dursleys. Sirius loved him. She loved him. She knew Ron loved him. All the Weasleys did. Still, knowing that people loved you wasn't always the same as hearing the words aloud. She pulled him into her. "I've loved you for a long time, Harry Potter. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner." She did her best to ensure he felt just as safe as she did. Holding him, letting him enjoy the moment. There was no rush. For better or worse, they didn't have an immediate plan. They could take the day and enjoy the safety of each other.
