[A/N: Strap in, everybody. Bonus points if you can figure out what's actually going on before the buckets show up. I think those give the game away.]


A few days later, Sirius stood in front of his floo with Harry and Hermione. "I know your parents probably said this already, but please be extra-good for your cousin today," he told them. "She wouldn't tell me why, but she seemed really depressed."

"Then we'll try to make her feel better," Harry said. "I know she'd try to make us feel better if we were sad."

Hermione nodded in agreement.

"Thank you." Sirius gave them both a quick hug, threw a pinch of floo powder into the fire, and said, "Tonks Residence!"

After the children were both safely away, Sirius went to his bedroom to finish getting ready for dinner. Hestia was fussing over her hair in the bathroom with the door open as he passed by, so he poked his head in. "Your hair always looks lovely," he told her. "You really don't need to worry."

"I'm just nervous," she said. "I don't want them to think I'm not good enough for you…or for the children."

Sirius grinned. "I've no doubt they already think you're too good for me."

"That's not true at all," Hestia said. "You know, I envy the children tonight. They're going to have a nice, relaxing evening playing with Nymphadora while we're having what could potentially be an awkward conversation."

"It'll be fine. Trust me," Sirius said. "We're going to have such a lovely night that the children are going to envy us."


"We're having an intervention."

Tonks looked up at them from where she sat on the chesterfield, her eyes red and a little puffy. "Um…what?"

Hermione sighed. "It's technically 'staging' an intervention, Harry."

"It wasn't the verb that was confusing me, kiddo," Tonks said. "What in Merlin's name is an 'intervention'?"

"It's when your friends get together and help you stop doing something you shouldn't be," Hermione said.

"We saw one on the telly," Harry added. "And you seem really sad and you've just been staring at the wall since your parents left ten minutes ago, and we want to help you be less sad."

"If you take us back to my house, my parents have a book on the psychology of grief," Hermione said. "That might help."

Tonks snorted. "Thanks, but nothing can cure a broken heart except time. Just ignore me and go back to having fun."

"But I don't want to," Harry said. "You're our friend and I don't want to sit over there having fun while you're sad. I'd rather be sad with you because then you at least wouldn't be alone."

Tonks blinked. "That may be the single most Hufflepuff sentence anyone has uttered since Helga herself."

Harry grinned. "Awesome! And you're a Hufflepuff, so you have to agree with that and let us help you."

"Wait, I didn't…" she paused. "Damn. I walked right into that one, didn't I?"

"You really did," Hermione said. "I mentally checked his logic just now and his argument is actually valid for once."

"Oi!" Harry said. "For once?"

"Last week, you tried to use logic to prove Southampton has the best football team in the First Division."

"I know bugger all about football," Tonks said, "and even I know that's not very likely."

Harry crossed his arms across his chest. "They're still the best."

Tonks chuckled. "Sit down, you two. You've already made me laugh for the first time in days, so you're off to a great start." She patted the chesterfield next to her and Harry sat down to her left and Hermione to her right.

"I've been dating Charlie Weasley since the start of Sixth Year and it's been wonderful," she said. "He's the exact opposite of most boys. Instead of wanting me to change myself, he loves me when I look 'normal' and he still loves me when I decide I want to look different for awhile, even if that means I'm a completely different body type or gender."

"You can change that?" Hermione asked.

Instead of answering, Tonks shifted into a perfect facsimile of Roger Moore as James Bond. "Yes, I can, my dear," she said.

"That's so cool!" Harry said. "How come you don't walk around as James Bond all the time?"

"You might not think having James Bond as a girlfriend is such a good idea in a year or two," she said, her voice changing as she shifted back.

"Oh," Harry said. "I hadn't thought of it like that."

"Charlie didn't care, though," Tonks said. "We were getting really serious and he was dropping hints that he was going to propose, but three days after we went home for Easter hols he sent me a letter by owl breaking up with me."

"That's awful!" Hermione said.

Harry nodded. "And really weird. I can't imagine loving someone and suddenly stopping one day. It takes a long time to love someone that much and I think it would take awhile to stop loving them that much, too."

"That's what I thought, too," Tonks said. "I guess not."

Hermione frowned, but didn't say anything.

"Did you try floo'ing him to see what happened?" Harry asked.

"He won't take my floo calls," Tonks said. "His mother just says he doesn't want to talk and cuts the connection. She always has this smile on her face while she says it, too. I mean, I knew she didn't really approve of me, but she doesn't have to be cruel about it."

"That's cowardly," Harry said. "He ought to be able to face you if he's going to break up with you."

Tonks snorted. "Ironic that you say that. He's studying to be a dragon handler."

"A…what?" Harry asked.

"He wants to work at a dragon reserve and help care for the dragons there."

"That sounds like the coolest job ever!" Harry said, then frowned again. "How could someone brave enough to want to work with dragons not break up with you in person?"

"No idea." Tonks shrugged. "I guess he wasn't who I thought he was."

"Tonks?"

Harry had gotten so wrapped up in the conversation that he hadn't noticed how quiet Hermione was being until she broke her silence. There was something thoughtful in her voice.

Something thoughtful and very, very angry.

"Um…yes?" Tonks had apparently heard that something, too.

"Something you and Harry said got me thinking," Hermione said. "It should take a long time to fall in love with someone and out of it, too, but the ghost in Oldknow Books mentioned love potions. If there's a potion to speed someone falling into love, is there a potion to speed someone falling out of love?"

Tonks paled. "Yes, there is. A Hostility Potion."

"It sounds like his mother would have a motive and opportunity," Hermione said. "Is she good at brewing potions?"

"She's very good," Tonks said. "Oh, Merlin, do you think she potioned him?"

Hermione's eyes narrowed. "I don't know, and I am deeply disturbed that I don't know whether someone took your boyfriend's agency away. So we're going to find out. Harry?"

"Yes?" he asked excitedly. Something about the very air around them seemed charged, almost electric.

"It's time to hoist the Jolly Roger."

At any other time, he would have cheered at her saying that, but now all he did was nod. Now wasn't the time for silly theatrics. Charlie Weasley needed help.

Charlie Weasley needed pirates.


Molly Weasley was cleaning up the kitchen after putting her Saturday pot pies in the oven when a knocking sound echoed through the house. "What on…the front door?" she asked herself. Callers at the door (instead of the floo) were rare in a wizarding household. "Who in Merlin's name could that be?"

She hurried over and flung open the door. A little blonde girl stood on her doorstep, waving happily.

"Hullo, Mrs. Weasley!" Luna said.

"Luna!" Molly said. "Merlin, how you've grown!"

"I always eat my plimpies at dinner," Luna said seriously. "I expect that's helped."

Oh, right. Molly knew there had been a reason she'd discouraged Ginny from playing with Luna. "That's lovely, dear," Molly said. "Is everything alright?"

"I was wondering if I could borrow Charlie for a little while," Luna said. "Daddy asked me to help him write an article about dragons and I just don't know enough. Mummy's locked herself in her laboratory again, so I can't ask her, and she said I should always go to you if there was a problem because you would know what to do."

"Oh…um…Charlie's had a difficult week. I'm sure he'd be happy to help, but I'd better go with him in case he needs anything."

"Thank you, Mrs. Weasley!" Luna hugged the older witch briefly.

Molly nodded and turned around. "Charlie, Percy!" she called out. "Could you come down a minute?"

Charlie walked down the stairs a moment later. A bit of pep was back in his step, which warmed Molly's heart. She was sure he'd be back to his old self soon. Percy followed him down, his measured gait every bit that of the little gentleman he was growing into.

"What's up, Mum?" Charlie asked.

"Luna needs some help with an article she's working on for her father about dragons," Molly told him. "Would you be willing?"

"Of course!" Charlie said. "I haven't seen you in years, Lu! How have you been?"

"I've been good, Charlie Weasley," Luna said. "How have you been?"

"I've been…" Charlie trailed off and frowned.

"Our Charlie's had a tough week," Molly said. "Percy, would you watch the stove while Charlie and I floo back to Luna's house?"

"Of course, Mother!" Percy said.

Molly smiled and gestured for Luna to come in. Her Percy was such a good boy.

Luna skipped over to the floo, tossed in some powder, and said, "The Rook." The green flames flared momentarily black before returning to red.

"Oh, poo!" The little girl crossed her arms across her chest. "I forgot Mummy locked the floo. She doesn't like to be disturbed when she's working."

Molly cast a worried glance at the kitchen. "I'm sure Charlie can fly you home, dear, but I really shouldn't be away from my pot pies for that long and I don't want him going alone."

"I'll go, Mother," Percy said.

"Thank you!" Luna whirled around and gave Percy a hug, too, which seemed to confuse him. Molly sometimes despaired of ever getting grandchildren from that boy.

"The brooms are in the shed out back," Charlie said. "Come on, Lu. You can fly with me. I learnt a new Quidditch move this year that I can show you."

"Ooooh!" Luna said.

"Charlie," Molly said, "I don't want you flying too high or scaring that poor girl."

He seemed to deflate a little. "Alright, Mum."

"It's alright, Charlie Weasley," Luna said. "I have nargle repellent at home and I think we can chase off all of the ones that are bothering you now."

"I don't think Charlie should have anything right now," Molly said. "Percy, you'll make sure he doesn't…"

"I will," Percy said.

"Thank you, dear," Molly said. She had such wonderful sons.


Charlie held the little girl carefully in front of him as he proceeded at a safe height (just above tree level) and safe speed (just below forty kilometres per hour) to The Rook. Percy was just behind him and to his left, a perfect minder just like his mother had told him he needed.

"I don't need a minder! I need—"

Charlie shook his head, trying to clear the errant thought.

"Are you alright, Charlie Weasley?" Luna asked.

"I'm…fine," he told her. Merlin, flying was easy at this speed. No challenging wind, no dodging obstacles, no complicated manoeuvres.

"It's hardly fly—"

"I'm absolutely fine," he said.

She shuddered, which he assumed meant she was a little nervous about the height. "I know you are," she said.

The Rook was close enough that, even at such a low speed, they landed just a minute later. A little girl with bushy, dark brown hair and slightly lighter-brown skin awaited them in the front yard.

"Good afternoon," she said. "I'm Hermione Granger, one of Luna's friends."

"Pleased to meet you," Charlie said. "I'm Charlie Weasley and this is my brother Percy."

"Are you at Hogwarts yet?" Percy asked. "I'm a Fourth Year and I'm hoping to be a Prefect next year."

"Not yet, I'm afraid," Hermione said. "You must be awfully smart if you're going to be a Prefect. May I ask you some questions about the brooms you rode in on?"

"Just a few," Percy said. "I need to…help Charlie."

"Of course," Hermione said. "I know you're busy and I don't want to take up too much of your time."

"It's alright," Luna said airily. "I think we know just about everything we need to know."

"We do?" Hermione asked.

"You do?" Percy asked.

"You'd be surprised, Percy Weasley." Luna turned to Charlie. "Would you come inside? I think I left my quill and parchment in the kitchen."

"Sure," Charlie followed her into the house. Two glasses of water sat on the counter when they arrived in the kitchen, one mostly empty and the other nearly full. Luna drained the mostly empty one in one gulp and sighed happily.

"That hit the spot," she said. "Can I offer you a glass? You must be thirsty."

"Yes, I'd…no, no, I'm sorry, but I shouldn't have anything while I'm away from home this week," Charlie said. "Mum said a new potions regimen she has me on needs a few days to settle in and she doesn't want me to disrupt it."

"Are you sure?" she asked. "We get awfully good water from the stream here."

"Yes, I am." Charlie wasn't sure why she was so insistent about the water.

"I need to drink it! She knows, she knows and she's trying to—"

"Ahem." A tingle shot through Charlie's spine for some reason as Percy spoke up from behind him. "Charlie won't be drinking any of that, will you, Charlie?"

"No, I won't." Charlie wasn't sure where this feeling of disappointment had come from. His Mum had told him not to eat or drink anything while he was out of the house, and she'd also told him to listen to Percy. He was being a good boy.

"Good man." Percy strode stiffly over to the glass of water and, ignoring Luna's frown, dumped it right in the sink. He then got a fresh glass, aimed his wand into it, and said, "Aguamenti." A fresh stream of water filled it up.

A thud and an "Ouch!" came from behind him, and Charlie whirled around to see Hermione rubbing her shoulder and glaring at the doorframe as if it had gotten into her way. "Percy, weren't you going to show me more about your broom?"

"No, I wasn't," Percy said firmly. "I was just helping my brother. Here, Charlie. Mum doesn't want you to get dehydrated." He put the glass in front of Charlie. "She just wants what's best for you. Now, drink up."

Charlie sighed. "I know, I know," he said, and took a gulp of water.

It tasted…funny. "Perce, your Aguamenti Charm is a little off," Charlie said. "Wait…when did you learn the Aguamenti Charm?"

"Self-study." Percy waved his wand and conjured a plain wooden bucket. "That's for you."

"Why would-oh Merlin!" The cramps hit mid-sentence and Charlie threw up his lunch into the bucket.

At some point, Percy conjured him another bucket. Charlie was too busy to thank him…or wonder how his Fourth Year brother was so handily conjuring buckets.

The cramps abated after about five minutes, at which point Charlie realised he was alone in the kitchen with Hermione, who calmly pushed a glass of water over to him. He drank it greedily; Luna had been right, their water was delicious. It wasn't until he finished it that he remembered that he wasn't supposed to have done that.

"I…I drank it." Charlie stared at the water. "I could drink it. H…how?"

The girl smiled grimly. "Have a seat, Mr. Weasley. We need to talk."

He nodded weakly. "Where's Lu? Is she alright? What about Percy?"

"Luna's fine," Hermione said. "Have you ever heard of a concept called 'plausible deniability'?"

Despite how awful he still felt, he still snorted. "Heard of? I taught Fred and George that concept."

"Excellent," Hermione said. "Oh, and Percy is also fine, but he's unconscious right now. Fell and hit his head, you see."

"He did?" Charlie asked.

"Yes," the little witch answered, her tone so calm it was almost terrifying. "Before we discuss anything else, I have a question for you. How do you feel about Tonks?"

"I love her more than anything." Charlie paused. "I love her. I can love her. Merlin, I can love her again!" His vision blurred with tears. "I loved her with my whole heart and the potions took that away from me, and now I can again. Thank you. I don't know how you got Perce to go along with it."

She smirked.


Percy Weasley returned to consciousness to find himself up at his concerned brother, Luna, Hermione, and the most famous person he'd ever met.

"I'm sorry for startling you," Harry Bloody Potter said. "You fell and hit your head and I ran to get help from your brother."

"It's alright," Percy said. He didn't remember falling, just blacking out as soon as he laid eyes upon Harry Potter in the foyer. More like he'd been st—"

"It was awful," Harry said, talking a mile a minute. "You jumped when you saw me and tripped on a shoe and hit your head as you fell. I'm glad your brother was able to help you."

Charlie shrugged. "I've been studying first aid with Madam Pomfrey, which seemed like a good idea if I want to go into anything related to the care of magical creatures. Your head was tricky, but I've dealt with worse. You shouldn't feel anything up there now."

Percy ran his hands over his scalp as he carefully sat up. "Yes, I don't feel any pain at all. Thanks, Charlie!"

"It was the least I could do," Charlie said.

Luna reached out and rested her small, cool hand on his forehead. "Do you feel well to travel, Percy Weasley?" she asked him.

"I think so," Percy said.

"That's good," Charlie said. "I was able to get Luna's floo working again. Her mother hadn't meant to lock it and it was just a matter of re-enabling it."

"Oh, that's handy," Percy said.

Charlie helped Percy to his feet. "Lu, will you get our brooms?"

"Of course." Luna and Harry hurried off.

"Thank you for answering my questions," Hermione said seriously.

"You're most welcome," Percy said. "I'll be looking forward to great things from you at Hogwarts."

"We'll all do our best," Hermione replied as Harry and Luna returned with the brooms.

Charlie led Percy to the floo room and then turned back to the children. "Thank you all for having us over today," he said. "I want to get Perce home to get checked by Mum, but I hope we can see you again sometime."

"That would be grand!" Luna said.

"I agree," Percy said as he shook hands with each of the children. "I'll endeavour to be more careful on my feet the next time I'm over, too."

"And I'll try not to sneak up on you again," Harry said.

Percy took a pinch of floo powder, said, "The Burrow," and went whirling straightaway home. He stumbled a bit into his landing, but still felt he did reasonably well. As he stepped out of the way for Charlie to come through, the floo lit up behind him. Instead of coming through, though, Charlie had made a floo call.

"Hey Perce?" he said.

"Yes?" Percy asked.

"Tell Mum the potions wore off, I'm never coming back there, and if she tries to do that again I'm going to tell the Aurors."

"What? But…how?" Percy croaked.

"None of your business." Charlie sighed. "I know you're just trying to make Mum happy, Percy, and I wish I could forgive you, but I can't. You chose to help her do something monstrous and, frankly, I never want to see you again. Goodbye."

The floo connection cut out, leaving Percy staring at the angry red flames of a normal fire.