Chapter 4: Just Breathe

A moment of silence passed. Oliver knew that Roy had never stopped loving Thea - and there Roy sat, unaware of the news Oliver was about drop on him. It felt like Oliver was about to destroy the man in front of him. "The night you left," Oliver braced and began, "Thea was attacked by Ra's al Ghul."

Roy's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, god. I talked to her, she told me something happened and she was hurt, but … my god." Roy's eyes eagerly searched Oliver's face for the rest of the story.

Oliver nodded seriously. He took another breath, loathe to tell Roy and no happier to have to relive it. "He left her for dead. I found her bleeding out, gasping for air on the floor of the Loft." Roy shook his head slowly in terrified disbelief. "I got her to the hospital. They couldn't do anything, they couldn't save her." Oliver shrugged morosely, his eyes suspiciously moist, unable to meet Roy's eyes any longer. "They just … cleaned her up, put her on life support. Told me that I could remove support whenever I was ready."

Roy's eyes were wide and panicked as Oliver continued his story. "Ra's offered me a deal. I join the League and he would permit me to use something – the Lazarus Pit - to save Thea." Roy shook his head, indicating he hadn't heard of it. Oliver remembered Malcolm pleading with him to let Thea die peacefully rather than put her through living life with the effects of the Pit. Oliver explained somberly, "Malcolm warned me there would be consequences, that when people go into the Pit, they come back changed." Oliver gave a little shrug. "I didn't listen – I just needed her back. I needed her alive." Roy nodded quickly in agreement. If there was anyone who would back Oliver's play when it came to putting Thea's life first, it was Roy. Oliver added, "I figured that if she were just here, we could figure anything else out."

Roy looked like he was about to burst with frightened anticipation. He seemed to be doing everything in his power to contain his questions, allowing Oliver to finish. Roy was gripping his hands together so firmly on his lap, his fingers were bloodlessly white.

Oliver sighed and said, "She seemed fine for awhile. But months later, we found out the Pit inspired her with a kind of … violence." Oliver's eyes flicked over to Roy to see if he was following. "They call it 'bloodlust'. She gets aggressive, inspired to kill. She's worked hard to keep it at bay." The savageness of Thea in full fury had been horrifying to witness, but it had proved far worse knowing the pain she had experienced keeping it contained. Roy nodded slowly, showing he was still following, but it was clear that he was beginning to feel lost. Oliver said, "I thought she had figured out how to control it but … because she's not killing others, it's killing her. Taking back the magic that is keeping her alive."

By Roy's raw, shocked expression, it seemed to dawn on Roy what Oliver was trying to say, but he needed the confirmation. He said softly, his voice shaking with emotion, "I don't understand."

Oliver met Roy's concerned gaze with his own wet eyes. "Thea's dying. And I don't know how to stop it."


Hood tucked up around his head, Roy was still bewildered at finding himself following Laurel up the stairs to her apartment. When he had asked Oliver if he could chance being seen in public by going to see Thea, he hadn't been prepared to discover that Thea no longer lived in the Loft. The reason she moved to the apartment twisted Roy's stomach – Thea had been unable to live where she had been stabbed and left for dead by Ra's. The idea that Thea – his beautiful, confident Thea – was bleeding out at the same time he had been driving away from Star City with a heavy heart, hoping he was protecting her and Oliver, was maddening in a way that he couldn't put into words.

The night wasn't showing signs of improving. As Laurel closed the apartment door behind Roy, Roy found himself face to face with one of his least favorite people - Malcolm Merlyn.

"Roy Harper," Malcolm noted, seemingly unsurprised to find Roy alive and in Laurel's apartment.

"Merlyn," Roy acknowledged, meeting Malcolm's gaze with hardened eyes.

Malcolm rolled his eyes. "I hardly think this is the time to quarrel. You have more pressing matters at hand. I gather you're here to see my daughter?"

Roy narrowed his eyes. Hearing Thea being referred to as Malcolm's daughter still twisted something up inside Roy. Malcolm making a familial claim on Thea held a sense of machination when it came from Malcolm's lips. Roy hated what this man had done to Thea. What kind of man drugs his own child and causes them to murder a friend?

Laurel broke in, pulling Roy from his seething thoughts. "How is Thea?"

"Resting," Malcolm said, completely ignoring Roy. "She's getting weaker."

All thoughts of his hatred for Malcolm dissipated in an instant. The same fuzziness filled Roy's brain as it had the moment Oliver told Roy that Thea was dying. Thea …

He could see her in his mind's eye: the way her eyes crinkled when she laughed. The way she could act so cool and controlled when they were in public, but when it was just the two of them, how she became so vulnerable and trusting. The way she kept him in line, and how when he had been with her, he had never felt safer, more settled, or happier in his life.

Roy was shocked out of his thoughts again and looked down to see Laurel's hand on his shoulder. Roy looked up to Laurel and could read the sympathy in her eyes. "Her room is just ahead," Laurel said gently, nodding at the door ajar at the end of the hall. "She'll be happy to see you."

That was generous of Laurel to say and, Roy felt, very possibly untrue. The last time Roy had seen Thea, he had spent the night with her and then ducked out before Thea woke up. At the time, Roy viewed his choice as self-sacrificial. He had left behind a note encouraging Thea to not run away from her life, but to face the future head on, while cutting off the possibility of a future on the run with him. Now, with the knowledge that Thea had been fresh off from nearly losing her life and struggling to find her way without Oliver, it just felt like a mean-spirited, paternalistic move. And any daydreams he had had over the ensuing months of what a reunion might look like with Thea, it had never once involved seeing Thea on her deathbed.

Taking a deep breath, Roy walked towards the door and pushed through it with a knock. His eyes landed on Thea cocooned in pillows and blankets. His voice came out in a near-whisper, reverently – uncertainly, "Thea." It felt like his breath was caught in his throat as he waited for her response.

Thea immediately pushed herself upright, gasping out, "Oh, my god." She looked down like she was trying to get her bearings, taking a moment to catch her breath. "Am I hallucinating?" Roy smiled widely but at the same time he dropped his eyes, afraid to meet Thea's. The history between them was too great and he worried that Thea would remember all he had done and expel him from her side. Darting short glances at her face to monitor for any abrupt changes in mood, he stepped forward to sit on her bed.

As Roy lightly took his seat next to her, the bed dipping with his weight, Thea peered into Roy's face with awe and said, "It's really you." She began to laugh giddily, the surprise clear. The sound was the sweetest thing Roy had heard in months and he could scarcely believe he was hearing it outside of his dreams.

Then, like he was dashed with water, he remembered why he was here. Why she hadn't greeted him at Palmer Tech with the rest of Team Arrow, or bombarded him in the Bunker with a hug. His heart was heavy with the fresh news of her illness. Roy studied her and asked gently, "How are you?"

Thea seemed a little surprised by the question, like she didn't quite know how much to reveal. Did she think Oliver wouldn't have told him about her being so sick? Thea's speech stumbled a little as she said honestly, "I've been better." Thea shook her head like she was done talking about herself. She asked eagerly, "Um... How are you? Where have you been?" Thea paused as if she realized that Roy shouldn't even be in Star City and questioned, with a grin to let him know she wasn't mad about it, "What are you doing here? How … how long are you-" Thea's sentence cut off with a quick cough, before finishing. "Here-" Thea coughed again.

A look of fear crossed Thea's face and she brought a hand up to her chest. She seemed to fight to draw in breath with a wild wheeze. "Thea?" Roy asked, watching with wide eyes the sudden change before him.

Thea leaned back against the bed's headboard trying to gasp in another breath and then found herself leaning forward, coughing and gasping, struggling to draw in air. Roy was now fully panicking and yelled out a guttural, "Thea!"

Drawn in by Roy's cries, Laurel and Malcolm burst into the room. Laurel took in the sight of Thea struggling to breathe and demanded, "What's happening?"

Thea's panicked rasp fought through gasps and coughs, "I don't... I don't know." Thea leaned back against her pillows and stared at the front of her shirt fearfully. She slowly pulled the neck of her shirt down, revealing a jagged cut several inches long over her ribcage. The cut was clearly deep, but there was no sign of blood flowing from the wound.

Laurel gasped out, "Oh, my god."

Malcolm, recognizing the mark immediately, said seriously, "It's the wound from Ra's."

Roy pushed himself off the bed, ready to get help. "I'll call 911."

"No," Malcolm said shortly. "Doctors can't help her."

Thea continued to wheeze and gasp, eyes wild and darting around the room like she was looking for help. Roy felt like he was going to pass out – how could he endure this? Would she die like this, terrified, in pain, right in front of him?

Malcolm took up Roy's vacated spot on the bed and placed an anchoring hand on Thea's shoulder. Thea was arching on the bed, clearly in agony from the lack of air. Malcolm coached Thea in a gentle voice, "Stay with us, Thea. Stay strong." Thea's eyes were closed, as if her world had become nothing more than this battle against her own body. "Give it a minute, it will pass." Small mewls of pain intermingled with the labored breaths.

Roy couldn't take his eyes off of Thea. Please, don't go, he prayed. BREATHE! He felt eyes on him and he looked over to see a distraught Laurel also trying to fully grasp what was happening.

As quickly as it had begun, the wheezing subsided and color returned to Thea's cheeks. Thea drew in a gasp of air in relief. She looked down again at her chest and all four of them watched in fascination as the wound bound itself together and then vanished as though it had never been there. Thea's eyes were wide as she looked towards Laurel and Roy, clearly disturbed.

Malcolm gently cupped at Thea's hair and said, "You're ok." Thea clutched at her chest in lingering shock even as her body relaxed back into her pillows. She gratefully panted in air while her eyes drifted shut from the exhaustion of her battle.