Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar the Last Airbender
XxXxXxXxXxX
Azula sipped her cup of tea, and Aang waited patiently for her to begin. When initial greetings were too awkward—and it was exceedingly awkward, even for him, and he had been in many awkward situations since his time as Avatar—he suggested they drink tea to wade the waters of the story she had to tell. She accepted and watched attentively as he made the tea—probably looking for a sign that he was going to poison her.
"My uncle would bemoan your tea-making skills," she said after several moments.
"And you?" he asked, taking his own sip; he didn't find it terrible. Admittedly, it was not his best work, and Iroh would certainly lament its poor quality, but he had tasted worse. Mainly Zuko's.
She raised one of her shoulders in an intentional shrug, watching him with piercing eyes. "It is not one of your talents."
Aang shrugged back. "But you drink it."
"It is better than my brother's," she replied, something like disgust on her face. "He brought tea to me often, and it was foul."
"So that's why your life was in danger," he quipped, leaning back in faux understanding. "He was trying to poison you."
Azula smirked, and a brief laugh escaped her, something real and surprised. "Not many people would say such a thing about the Fire Lord. Most naughty, Avatar."
"Saying 'naughty' things about Fire Lords is my specialty."
"Do tell."
"Tell me why your life was in danger."
Azula took another sip of her tea. "And if I refuse?"
Aang's brows rose. "Why would you? I thought you always loved to talk."
"You are bold," she commented, impressed. "Very few people would say such a thing to me."
"You're not that scary."
Something insulted and delighted crossed her face simultaneously, and he watched as the two fought for control before it resulted in a stalemate. "I see I must work to regain my reputation," she said at last in consideration.
"If that's the reputation you want."
Azula stared at him curiously. "No lectures on foregoing such a reputation?"
Aang only shrugged once more. "You know the result of that reputation; you know where it put you; and you know what fate awaits you if you do reclaim it."
Something like awe was in her eyes. "Are you threatening me?"
"I don't know how to threaten," he replied, voice light. "I'm a perfect Air Nomad who embodies all the principles and credentials of Air."
Azula cocked an eyebrow. "Shall I teach you? My threats once made men twice my age quiver in place. It has been a long time, yes, but I feel certain with only a little practice, I can regain my skill. Perhaps I can practice on you, Avatar."
Aang tried not to let his amusement show. "I'm sure the world will feel a lot more comfortable when it learns my ability to threaten has been bolstered by you."
"But would you feel comfortable?" she challenged.
"I would if you tell me why Zuko released you."
"Is it really so important?"
Aang's eyes narrowed. "Are you embarrassed?"
Azula stiffened and glared at him; he found it much less chilling than he did when he was a child. "Of course not, Avatar."
He graciously allowed her to believe her lie. "Well, you should be embarrassed. You ruined my vacation."
She leaned back, and her eyes roamed him in fascination. "If I did not know you were you, I would not know you were you. You are not what I imagined. You are much taller than I expected. I see very little of that boy from years ago."
Aang tried not to feel grief at such a statement. "It's the hair," he said mildly.
"And many other things," she murmured, still staring at him.
"Tell me what happened."
Azula looked out the window, watching Agni's setting light; the glow framed her face, and Aang tried not to stare. "I am unsure how much to tell you."
"Why?"
"It depends how politically vigilant you have been."
Aang sighed. "Before this past year, I was quite vigilant. Not that it did any good, but- "
"It prevented war from happening years sooner."
"Just tell me everything you can, and I can fill in what you don't know."
She glanced at him momentarily before nodding and looking back out the window. "I have been imprisoned for years now," she began, voice as strong as he remembered, but there was something different—it lacked the distinct distance and apathy it once held. "During my imprisonment, the Earth Kingdom lobbied Zuzu persistently to hand me over."
"It was mainly King Kuei," Aang clarified, understanding the situation better than Azula did; he had been the receiving end of countless 'lobbying'. Or maybe he didn't know the situation better than she did. After all, Azula always seemed to know everything when she had been hunting him all those years ago.
"I know who it was," Azula said, voice soft but curious. "He—and many others—wished for my execution. My crimes are unforgivable."
"Are they?" he challenged. "Or are you only saying that?"
Azula locked gazes with him for several brief but tense moments. "There are some things I regret and some things I do not," she said, at last, voice tightening in a challenge. "Do you condemn me like so many others?"
Aang shook his head. "No. Because there are things I regret and things I don't. I've made a lot of mistakes."
"But are your crimes enough to be executed?" she contested, something haughty on her face. "Are your crimes enough to be burned alive while you are chi-blocked?"
He didn't know she knew about one of King Kuei's more inventive execution ideas that he had lobbied during one of the Great Gatherings. It had taken almost everything Aang had to prevent Zuko from killing him—and that didn't even account for the outrage of Zuko's entourage.
"Yes," he replied, thinking of his assault against the Fire Navy, the destruction of General Fong's base, and his actions at the Northern Air Temple against the Fire Army. "If I lost, your father would have executed me."
Azula scoffed. "Do not be so simplistic, Avatar. My father would have sustained your life as long as he could by keeping you on the brink of it. He would not want to spend resources to find the next Avatar."
"Then it's a good thing I won," he said, too tired to feel horror at such a potential outcome.
She looked at him, something flashing across her face that he couldn't name. "Maybe it is," she murmured and turned away, back to the window.
"Did Zuko finally decide to hand you over, and the Blue Spirit helped you 'escape'?" he asked, remembering how Zuko did something similar for Mai and Ty Lee.
Azula suddenly laughed, and he was caught off-guard by the sound; it was nice when it wasn't bitter, biting, or cruel. "I told my father that Zuzu was the Blue Spirit, but he refused to believe it. Something about how Zuzu would never sully himself by doing something so dishonorable—nonsense. Zuzu would sully himself by doing something so dishonorable to regain his honor! Only Zuzu could follow such illogical logic."
"And you," Aang said, gesturing toward her.
"I am most flexible."
"But is that what happened?"
"No, the 'Blue Spirit' did not facilitate my escape, Zuzu did."
"That's the same person," he pointed out.
"Zuzu helped me escape because King Kuei demanded I be handed over for execution or else there would be war," Azula said, sounding like she was reciting something; her voice was lifeless as Aang found himself incapable of speech, too horrified. "Zuzu refused, told him to have sex with his mother and niece, and the Earth Kingdom declared war. Because he feared an attempt made against my life by assassins sent by King Kuei, Zuzu released me and told me to come here."
Aang's eyes were wide. "What? No, Kuei wouldn't."
"He did."
"I don't believe it," he muttered, standing to his feet suddenly, trying to understand. "No, I talked to Kuei; over and over again, I talked to him. I told him not to do anything; I told him- "
Azula shrugged, something tight on her face. "I suppose he does not find you as threatening as I do."
"You're a lot smarter than he is!" Aang snapped, all thoughts of his vacation vanishing.
She straightened in pride. "My intelligence is one of my foremost qualities."
"So is your memory," he added, turning back to her, heart racing. "What else happened?"
"He told me something interesting," Azula said, straightening in her seat, peering up at him; there was something almost vulnerable, but that was impossible. "He said that it was your idea to return my bending."
Aang nodded slowly. "It was. I knew if you had your bending, you couldn't lose yourself in your mind—because you had something to focus on."
"My fire."
"Yes."
Azula's golden eyes roamed his face, searching for something. "Why? Why would you do that? It was a gift beyond all others, for which I truly thank you, Avatar, but why did you convince Zuzu to do it? You should despise me after everything I did to you and your little group."
"Maybe I sympathized," he confessed, remembering when he had visited Azula several times during his stay in the Fire Nation the first year after the Great War ended; she had been unresponsive each time, lost in her mind, so diminished from the proud girl he encountered. "Maybe I understand how it feels to lose yourself in something of your own making and recognize that bending can get you out of it; maybe I understand the effects of a child in war; maybe I understand the impact of a mistake and the lessons to be learned from the mistake."
Aang often felt lost in his mind when thinking about Air, and his connection to Air with his bending was sometimes the only thing that kept him sane. And the memories of all the people he doomed to inevitable death via Sozin's evil because he ran away from the Southern Air Temple was a mistake he would always regret and ruminate on.
She seemed to understand what he was talking about better than he anticipated, and she nodded. "You were merciful where I wouldn't be."
"But I made the right decision," Aang challenged, staring at her pointedly. "Zuko's told me that you never tried to escape with your bending, and you caused no problems."
"I caused many problems," she retorted, sounding almost proud. "My very existence has been a problem for Earth. They have demanded my head since the first day after Zuzu's coronation."
Aang didn't need the reminder. The political pressure on Zuko to yield his sister over to those who desired to execute her was immense, and Aang didn't reveal that Zuko once confessed that he sometimes wished he had the capability in his disposition to surrender Azula to such a fate.
"Azula would never do this for me if our positions were reversed," Zuko once said, eyes sad and heavy. "I know it, and I know you know it."
"People can change, Zuko," Aang replied, trying to help.
Zuko was unconvinced. "I know my sister, and I know she would sacrifice me without feeling to gain influence if she could; she'd probably do it and never think about it again. Agni, I wish I could do that; I wish I could be her. It would save me so much stress, and I'd actually be able to sleep at night without the concubines."
Aang pretended not to hear the last part. "Then why don't you?"
"Because I love her," his friend responded, something raw and broken on his face. "My mother told me when we were children that I had to be there for her, even when she didn't want it. 'Love, protect, and respect,' she would say. 'Zuko, promise me you will love Azula, protect her, and respect her.' She instilled it in me. I lost respect for Azula years ago, but I'm still going to love her and protect her forever. If it came down to the Fire Nation or my sister's life, I'm not sure I could sacrifice her. I hope I never have to make such a choice."
"You won't," Aang vowed.
But that was vow was wrong—horribly wrong—and staring at Azula, Aang was unsure she realized how extremely Zuko fought for her life throughout the years. It took much political maneuvering, and Aang had helped initially after the Great War when the lobbying was intense and unwavering. The achievement of conquering Ba Sing Se would forever grate on Earth, and they would never be satisfied until the conquered were conquered by Death, which they would provide.
To his shame, Aang initially didn't fight King Kuei on his demand of Azula's execution, for he didn't want to interfere and understood such why such a demand was made. But then Zuko took him to see Azula, and Aang was unable to speak.
"I know she deserves to die, Aang," his friend whispered, voice agonized and regretful, "but that's my sister, and I can't do it. I'd rather offer myself in her place, but you wouldn't allow it. I can't surrender her. I got my second chance, and so should she—even if it takes years."
Aang was horrified to see how far Azula's once remarkable mind had deteriorated as she gazed at him uncomprehendingly, eyes dim with unawareness and emptiness.
She didn't recognize him nor Zuko; she probably didn't know they were there.
Realizing that he wouldn't allow Azula to be sent over to Ba Sing Se, he helped Zuko on his strategy. They tried many lies but realized that the truth was the only weapon to wield. Thus, Zuko wielded the truth of Azula's mental health as a weapon of defense, and he continued the defense for eight years. Aang assumed that Kuei would let it go and stop, eventually forgetting the matter, but he thought wrong; Kuei had waited for his opportune moment to strike when Zuko was perceived as the most vulnerable, willing to condemn his only sister to an undoubted painful death.
"The Earth Kingdom's not going to stop until you're executed," he said, staring at her; the realization was blinding. "You're the scapegoat."
Azula only nodded and sat taller, something reminiscent of the girl of the Great War flashing in her eyes. "I would like to see them try to make me such. I will meet them in battle, and they shall be reminded of how I conquered Ba Sing Se; I shall remind them of their sins."
The memory of lightning spasmed through his mind.
"That's not going to happen," Aang dismissed. "I'm going to stop this before it turns into war."
"It already is war, Avatar," she pointed out, staring up at him. "It always has been. It was of a different nature than the Great War, but it was war all the same. You will not stop it. If you did, you would be resented- "
"That's nothing new," he said dryly, trying to ignore his rising bitterness.
"But The Avatar must choose a side."
Aang remembered Kuei's proposition to murder Fire in the name of balance—two nations of Water and Earth. "It's not going to come to that."
Azula only hummed. "I commend your conviction."
He sat back down. "So, Zuko just let you go?"
She smirked. "Not exactly."
XxXxXxXxXxX
Azula watched as The Avatar—who was so different than who she imagined him as, so different from the naïve and short child she remembered, who looked taller than Zuko and possessed a physical beauty most attractive—sighed in non-surprise. "Not exactly," he echoed, something anxious on his face.
She took another sip of the tea, watching him as she remembered:
Azula looked up when her cell door opened, and Zuko walked in with frantic purpose. His condition was clear; paranoia was carved into his features, golden eyes darting to the door frequently. He didn't wear the Fire Crown, and his shaggy black hair tumbled down to his shoulders in natural curls; it brutally reminded her of how he used to look after Ba Sing Se's subjugation, of how they had been reunited, the two children of Ozai and Ursa, the newest branch of the Royal House of Agni, the next generation of the Fire Nation Royal Bloodline. But then he decided to join The Avatar after Azula gave him everything.
Her eyes narrowed. "What is it?" she demanded. "You visited me this morning- "
"I'm not in the mood, Azula," he snapped, one hand gripping his hair; his eyes were on the verge of disbelief, but they were frighteningly determined—so like their childhood. "Tomorrow morning won't be like this morning. Everything's changed, and I'm put into a corner."
"An explanation would be appreciated, Zuzu. And be concise. You are not in the mood, Brother, but neither am I- "
"It's war."
Azula paused, all irritation fading as she comprehended the truth. "You finally decided to surrender your little sister to those savages of Earth."
Zuko scoffed. "Fuck that. And that's what I told Kuei's ambassador, that small-minded… "
"Peasant," she offered helpfully.
Her brother stepped closer and sat next to her on the bed. "You have to get out of here, alright?"
She was unable to prevent her eyes from widening. "But that means war- "
"It's already war," he interrupted, smiling grimly, eyes dark; he looked so similar to Father that she was forced to look away. "Kuei demanded I surrender you, or else it's war."
"Really?" she asked, unable but to be impressed by King Kuei's bold strategy.
Clearly, Zuko was not impressed; he was fuming. "Yes!" he snarled, leaping to his feet, anger lined through his body. "Kuei can go fuck himself—and his mother, and that fucking niece of his he keeps pestering me about!"
"He probably thinks this will make him legendary- "
"He's only a legend in his mind!" Zuko sneered. "I should have assassinated him years ago!"
"His own assassins he sent after you warranted it," she commented idly, remembering her brother's confession—and ranting—about how King Kuei wanted him dead.
Azula thought he was exaggerating—as he was prone to do—but it seemed like she underestimated King Kuei.
"That son of a whore- "
"You would know," she teased, unable to help herself, especially at Mother's expense.
Zuko whirled on her, face twisting under the force of his ire. "I'm not in the mood! Kuei's going to regret this; I'm going to make him regret it."
"And you need my help?"
"I don't need your help."
"Of course, you do."
"You're not healed."
Azula tried not to flinch; based on Zuko's softening in his face, she failed. "Perhaps not."
"I need you away from here," he said kindly, sitting back on the bed. "I can't be worried that some assassin of Kuei's is going to sneak in here and assassinate you somehow. I mean, I know from experience—Kuei sends good assassins. I don't know where he finds them. I would have asked him if I wasn't sure it would cause an incident. Knowing good assassins is useful, and I could use them now."
"To assassinate King Kuei."
"I should have done it years ago. I think King Bumi would have applauded me for it."
Azula wrinkled her nose at the mention of that mad king of Omashu. "You underestimate me, Brother. I would kill any assassin."
"You're out of practice," he stated flatly. "You've been in this cell eight years and faced no opposition- "
"I would burn these assassins alive- "
"Azula," he interrupted, voice as serious as the look in his eyes. "You have to trust me. Do you?"
She tensed and nodded, feeling vulnerable; she hated it. "I trust you."
"These assassins will kill you," Zuko repeated, voice offering no room for argument, and Azula chose to place her faith in his judgment. "I need you away from here. Water will join Earth to destroy Fire. It's going to be bloody."
"And where is The Avatar, dear brother?" she asked. "Surely, he would not let this happen."
"He won't," her brother assured. "But he doesn't know about it. I have to let him know, but he'll be as pissed as I am when he gets here."
Azula remembered the child Avatar. "Really? I cannot see it."
"He's not what you expect," he said, smiling. "You should thank him."
"What, for depriving Father of what he valued most? For doing what neither of us never could?"
"For giving you your bending back."
Azula blinked. "What?"
"It was his suggestion to return to you your firebending, and I agreed with his reasoning."
"But- "
"But nothing," he interrupted, waving his time. "I shouldn't have said anything. Because we don't have time! The Children of Fire face extinction, and we'll become like Air if Earth and Water have their way."
"Amass the army and crush them," she dismissed, wanting to return to the point about The Avatar. "Why did The Avatar- "
"The army isn't strong enough," Zuko revealed, and she stilled in realization.
"It is the strongest in the world."
"Not anymore."
"You dismantled the army?" she asked in disbelief.
Zuko shook his head. "No, of course not. But I did reduce it in size."
"By how much?" she demanded incredulously.
Her brother looked away. "Half."
"Half?"
"Half."
Azula marveled at his stupidity. "Uncle's absurdity rubbed off on you. Sozin would be amused if not enraged if he could see you now."
"It was fewer units but more men per unit," he defended. "It was the only way to show peace to Water and Earth."
"And look what has happened!" she snapped. "They were preparing for this for years, Zuzu, and they seduced you into- "
"No one seduced me," Zuko said, growing angry.
"No, because you have your whores," Azula hissed, eyes narrowing.
Zuko sighed in frustration. "I know I fucked up. But I can't have you here making it worse—because you would make it worse! You're a provocateur!"
"Because your rhetoric makes you a fabulous Fire Lord," she drawled in irritation. "I would have never allowed this to happen."
"No, you would have forced The Avatar to take your bending."
Azula flinched, knowing he was right. "Why did he suggest to return my bending?"
"We don't have time!" Zuko cried out. "It's not important! I have to get you out of here!"
She smirked. "Your attempt to rescue me is very sweet, Zuzu. How very 'big brother' of you. You truly take being the older one between us seriously."
"More seriously than you take the situation!" he snapped, and she recognized he was right, straightening her posture.
"So, Spineless Kuei finally grew a backbone. What will be your response?"
"I'm not taking us to war immediately. Kuei has to make the first move. Fire won't be the aggressor. I'm preparing us for an invasion."
"And Grandfather's Great Gates?"
"Activated."
She nodded approvingly. "And The Avatar?"
"I'm sending him word immediately after I'm through talking to you."
Azula felt proud that she was more important on his list of priorities than The Avatar. "Well done."
Zuko looked uncomfortable. "I'm not sure I'm ever going to forgive you for some of the things you've done, this included- " He tapped his chest where her lightning strike connected, and a fresh wave of guilt spread through her. "- and while you've made good progress, especially with Mom, I don't trust you. But you're my sister, and I love you no matter how much I resent it. I'm not giving you to Kuei, and I never will—I promise."
Azula felt profoundly moved by his vow, and she felt grateful to have such a man as her brother. "Thank you, Zuko," she whispered, not wanting him to see how affected she was by his words. She shuffled across the surface of her bed until she was close enough to hug him. He watched her warily but did not stop her. He tensed when she suddenly hugged him but, eventually, hugged her in return, arms wrapping around her back.
It was painfully awkward, but it felt real.
"Thank you, Zuko," she repeated softly.
Zuko blinked when she let go and nodded. "Don't say that yet."
The sudden dread made her glare. "What did you do? No, Mother is not coming with me!"
"That's not it."
The dread remained. "What is it?"
"I heard that Ember Island is really nice this time of year."
Azula almost shot a fireball at him. "No. Absolutely not."
"Absolutely yes."
"That place is too depressing," she hissed. "I may just end the life that you have tried so hard to save."
"Suicide's not in your repertoire," Zuko dismissed, and she felt proud of him, despite herself. "You're too proud. If you were ever going to kill yourself, it would have been years ago."
Azula knew he was right, but her displeasure remained. "It is a perfect place for someone to hide away with nowhere else to go," she conceded bitterly. "But I go alone."
"Yes."
"I want no surprises, Brother."
"There won't be any."
"I assume Mother knows about all this?"
Zuko looked away. "No."
Azula gasped in awed delight. "Really? Do you know what this means?"
"There wasn't any time to- "
"I shall be the favorite," she interrupted, something pleased inside her. "And you shall be the least favorite."
Zuko finally looked back at her. "She's not going with you, but when you return, you may just find that you missed her."
She held out a hand mockingly. "Are you a seer now, Brother? Tell me my fate; stroke my palm and see- "
He rolled his eyes. "I'm starting to regret this."
"No, you are not."
"I wish I was starting to regret this. And that makes what I have to say next more regretful."
Azula leaned forward, intrigued. "Which is?"
"Just at midnight, when your connection to Agni is at its weakest, the guards and chi-blockers will change shifts, and no one will replace them for several minutes." Zuko locked gazes with her. "Bad scheduling, right?"
She smiled. "A coincidence."
"Exactly. And no one will know that your cell was opened, and its occupant fled into the night, for stealth was used rather than firebending, and no one was killed. It will be as much a surprise to me as anyone that you escaped."
Azula sighed. "I am still adept, Zuzu. I assume you shall blame my 'escape' on Spineless Kuei."
Something predatory shone in her brother's eyes, and she was proud that he had matured so much in his thinking, cunning, and ruthlessness. "He's going to regret this."
"Is that what you see, Seer?"
Zuko shook his head, but his eyes shone with hidden knowledge, which she yearned to possess. "I'm no seer, but it's always been clear to me that your mark on the world wasn't always going to be misery and conquest. You have a second chance, now. You can change your legacy, Azula. How will you be remembered? As a woman who learned from her mistakes as a girl, or a woman who made the same mistakes she did as a girl? Your fate isn't to die in the Earth Kingdom, least of all by Kuei's greedy hands, nor is your fate to remain in this cell for the rest of your life. Your name will be remembered, and history will admire your spirit."
Azula felt her eyes flare with fire, and her lips curled in anticipation; she yearned for such a powerful legacy. "It will be mine."
"If you are open to being better," her brother said, gazing at her with something she feared.
She nodded and changed subjects, slightly uncomfortable, though she would never admit it. "And the door? Only you and Mother know the combination."
"Come here," he said, motioning her forward. "I'll show you. Will you remember?"
"Of course."
XxXxXxXxXxX
Aang watched Azula as she finished her story, taking another sip of her tea; he felt her heartbeat with his earthbending and monitored her breathing with his airbending. Both were completely even and never elevated during her recount, but he was not surprised.
"Okay," he said with a shrug, choosing to believe her. It made too much sense with all the context he already knew about, which had been festering for years.
She blinked in surprise. "No questions? Nothing?" She paused and smiled. "I could have killed the guards and chi-blockers."
He felt unimpressed and raised a brow. "Did you?"
Azula seemed to deflate. "No."
"Good," he commended, unsurprised. "And you've been here how long?"
"Two weeks."
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying not to groan. "So, the moment—the literal moment—I decided to take my much-deserved vacation, King Kuei- "
"Spineless Kuei," Azula corrected with a smirk.
"- decided to issue his absurd demand that only could provoke war?"
"Yes."
He squeezed his eyes shut in dismayed frustration.
"I conceive a way you can retain your vacation," Azula offered coyly after several moments, her smirk growing.
His eyes narrowed. "How?"
She smiled innocently. "My life, which the Fire Lord so values, is in danger, and I cannot be alone due to the severe and pressing threat against me. Thus, The Avatar is concerned and personally sees to my safety by acting as my bodyguard; it could be considered a personal favor to the Fire Lord, whom everyone knows is his friend."
Aang leaned back in his chair in consideration. "That's very devious."
Her smile became a lot more real. "Thank you," she said genuinely.
"I'm tempted," he admitted.
Azula stood up and poured herself another cup of tea; apparently, his tea was a lot better than Zuko's. "Why would you not be? I have only been here two weeks, and I cannot imagine going back to that cell. I feel freer than I have in, perhaps, ever. It is liberating to breathe this air."
Aang wanted his vacation very badly, and he felt ashamed that he didn't care much about King Kuei—Spineless Kuei, as Azula called him—and Zuko's new war, but he felt distant to it and not affected; there was no impact. And how bad could it be? Zuko wasn't actively seeking the war, only defending, refusing to be the aggressor. King Kuei had to play the aggressor, and he had to recruit Chyung, Zaofu, and Omashu to help him in his war. Bumi would likely tell King Kuei to go 'fuck himself,' and it seemed likely that at least one of Chyung and Zaofu would decline war. And King Kuei had to solve the Great Gates of Azulon and Zuko's intense countermeasures against an invasion—for an invasion was the only way for there to be way a war, since Zuko was only defending, not attacking.
He didn't feel that worried, all things considered.
And he so badly needed his vacation, and his potential role as 'bodyguard' to Azula was a clever solution that allowed him to retain his vacation and claim he was doing his duty as The Avatar. And Azula, thus far, had been pleasant, and he was intrigued by her presence and the changes he sensed in her. He knew she still had to progress, but it seemed like much progress had already been made.
Zuko hadn't been lying.
His decision was made—he was claiming his vacation. But that didn't mean he couldn't have a little fun—he deserved it!
"Are you lying to me?" Aang asked, trying not to smile as he watched her.
Azula stared back at him, insulted. "Why would I lie?"
"Why wouldn't you?"
"You do not think Spineless Kuei would demand my execution?"
"I know he would, but I have to make another decision. I have to decide whether to trust you or not, trust your story or not."
She leaned back, allowing him to assess her fully. "Then who better than The Avatar to pass judgment on my honesty? Go ahead. Ask anything you desire."
Aang grinned. "Have you been going to the market?"
Something surprised flashed on her face. "Of course. Why?"
"I'm hungry," he answered, standing to his feet. "You can give me the tour. I'm sure it's all changed in the past eight years."
Azula stared at him, clearly trying to discern his purposes. "And you shall 'protect' me as we go to the market?"
"Of course."
She sniffed, eyeing his clothes with disgust. "Then you must change. I will not be seen with that."
"No one knows who you are," he pointed out in confusion. "Who cares?"
"You must change it."
He looked down at his clothes; it was his standard Fire Nation outfit, refit for a much, much bigger frame. "What's wrong with this?"
She rolled her eyes. "You look like an overgrown schoolboy. This is Ember Island. You must fit in."
"And you know how to do that?" he asked doubtfully.
Azula glared at him. "I infiltrated Ba Sing Se as a girl. I think as a woman I am much more capable."
He decided to trust her. "Fine. What do I need?"
"Noble garments," she answered, standing to her feet and motioning him to follow. "We must preserve our anonymity. By dressing so differently, looking like an overgrown schoolboy, you draw attention to yourself and, thus, me. You must look like you belong; you must look noble."
Aang followed as she led him to a room that none of the Gaang had occupied when they hid at the house at the end of the Great War. "And whose room is this?"
"The Fire Lord's."
He raised his brows at her. "No matter what Zuko tells you, I'm taller than him. His clothes won't fit me."
Azula looked amused. "This was my grandfather's room, and Zuzu never cleaned it out. You will have to clean the garments, of course, but they might fit. My memory of my grandfather's height is hazy; he always looked so tall to me when I was a girl; my mother assassinated him when I was only eight."
Aang knew she was testing him. "Very tragic," he said, already knowing the story thanks to Zuko.
She shrugged; apparently, he passed. "But Grandfather's garments may not fit. If they do not, you will have to wear his predecessor's. Grandfather had an unhealthy obsession with his father; he kept Sozin's garments together with his."
Aang tensed and something hollow settled inside. "Sozin?"
She peered up at him. "Is that a problem, Avatar?"
Azula clearly hadn't recovered as much as he thought she did. "I'm not wearing Sozin's clothes," he said flatly. "I'm more likely to burn them."
"Then you will have to stay confined in this house all day while I go out and have fun," she lamented, smirking. "It does not sound like much of a vacation, Avatar."
Aang tried to sense if his race would be appalled, disgusted, or judgmental if he wore Sozin's clothes, but he sensed nothing—as always. "Fine," he said through a clenched jaw. "Let's see what happens."
He begrudgingly accepted one of the outfits that Azula handed him. He dumped it on the bed and, with more force than necessary, took off his shirt before realizing she remained in the room.
The sigh that escaped him was impossible to forget. "Are you going to leave?"
"Why?"
He looked back at her, disbelieving. "I'm going to change."
Azula's brows rose and something devious crossed her face. "As a royal, I had servants undress me and dress me and bathe me; there is no shame. Be thankful I do not undress you myself. If you are my bodyguard, you must always be by my side. I only prepare you for the more 'intimate' moments. I see you nude, you see me nude."
Aang stood immobile for several moments, trying to process it.
"I jest," she said after several moments, laughing quietly. "You can laugh; I know it is funny."
"Maybe I'll laugh when I eat," he replied.
"Then I shall give you space."
Just as he feared, knowing his luck, Azulon's clothes were too short. However, upon pressed by Azula, he bitterly tried on Sozin's clothes; they, too, were short, but, apparently, it was not as noticeable, even though it felt quite noticeable.
"It will have to suffice," Azula judged, face displeased. "I wish there were others, but this is our only option."
Aang felt sick to his stomach and something hysterical flushed in his heart, and he sifted through all the clothes frantically. "No, Azulon must have something that fits- "
His voice broke away as his eyes rested on something amazingly familiar, a relic of a past life; he stood, frozen, staring at the clothes he knew intimately, unable to speak.
"What is it?" she asked.
He found his found and felt sorrow and love brim in his soul from his predecessor. "It's Roku's clothes."
Azula craned her neck past him to see. "Your past life?"
Aang found his eyes misting, but he knew it was from Roku, not him. "He kept his clothes," he whispered. "Even after he murdered him, he kept his clothes."
"For sentiment or memento?" she asked curiously.
He subtly used waterbending to dry his eyes. "That's the question. Only Sozin could tell."
"And I assume you shall try Roku's- "
"Of course."
To his euphoric relief, the garments fit perfectly, and he felt absurdly grateful to Sozin.
Azula assessed him keenly. "It is perfect for this weather and covers the obvious markers of your identity. And you have that headband. It will work. Now, we will blend in—and eat."
"I have coins- "
She smirked. "There are vaults in the basement brimming with gold coins. It is likely enough to finance Spineless Kuei's little vendetta."
Aang found himself unsurprised. "Then I'm sure Zuko won't mind. Before we go, I need to make sure Appa has food and water first."
"Appa?"
"My sky bison."
XxXxXxXxXxX
After feeding Appa and getting him water, Aang quickly journeyed down to the beach and gazed out over the moonlit water. He began practicing complicated waterbending forms and found the rhythmic motions soothing, wondering if any of the Water Avatars ever to exist had loved waterbending as much as he loved airbending.
With his earthbending, he felt Azula step outside and walk down to where he was. She aligned herself next to him and watched silently as he bent the water.
"You did not return," she observed. "Are you not hungry?"
"Starving," he replied. "I just wanted to clear my head, I guess. This isn't what I expected when coming here."
"Me neither," Azula agreed. "Do you regret your decision?"
Aang made a complicated gesture, and the water sprouted in multiple directions before chasing each other. "I don't know yet," he answered at last. "Do you regret conceiving such a clever solution?"
"Time will tell."
"As it does all things."
She stared at the water held in midair. "You are different."
Aang knew she was right but felt curious, especially since was always perceptive. "How's that?" he asked, glancing at her.
"Besides the physical changes, which are most enticing," she said, smirking up at him, and Aang lost control of the water as it fell from his grip with an audible splash.
He didn't know why he felt surprised by her forwardness, but he was; he never considered that Azula of all women would find him attractive. "I wish I could tell if you were lying," he replied.
Her mirth was subtle but apparent. "You do not trust my judgment, Avatar?"
"What else is different?"
Azula hummed and looked back over the ocean. "You once had no edges, and you were most simplistic. It was quite saddening, I must confess. I yearned for a challenge."
"I always gave you a challenge- "
"I mean mentally," she added. "Physically, you challenged me, of course, but now you keep up with me mentally; you are mature and hardened. You are at ease with me when anyone else beyond my brother or mother would be terrified or anxious. You are complex now, which is intriguing; I find you interesting. You are darker and more intense, more grim." Her eyes connected to his. "And your eyes are a lot different."
Aang frowned. "You can tell a difference by looking at my eyes?"
"I remember the eyes of the boy I encountered years ago, and your eyes are so different from his. You have aged, and I do not refer to the physical."
"I grew up," he replied, not really wanting to speak of such things with Azula, the woman who, as a girl, hunted him across the Earth Kingdom with cunning that only matched Zuko's tenacity, but he found himself unable to stop talking. "I once lived in times before they were memories, and memories are hard."
Azula nodded. "Haunting. Do you wish yourself deprived of such memories?"
He sank down into the sand, and she followed. "Sometimes," he admitted after several moments. "I can't help but think it would make everything easier."
"Simpler," she agreed, and he had the instinct that she understood his frayed emotions, and considering her lapses in sanity in the past, she likely did. He felt a sort of kinship that someone besides his past lives understood, even if that someone was Azula. "But simplicity is dull; I find it tedious."
"Because you don't appreciate it. I want simplicity."
"Complexity is more interesting," Azula responded after several moments, voice thoughtful but determined. "Life is complex. Should we not be, as well?"
"Simple's better."
"If I were simple, I would not be here," she challenged, golden eyes glowing with something. "And you would not be, as well. If I were simple, I would be a woman who lost her mind and was unrecoverable, lost to the disarray of insanity, but I am not. I seek something better—what that is, I cannot say yet. I seek to recover something that, perhaps, I never had. And you came here for a reprieve. If you were simple, you would never need your 'vacation,' would you not? If you were simple, you would still be that boy I encountered, and in whom I felt disappointment; if you were simple, you would not feel mournful over such memories and sprout some banality like 'memories are reminders of who you were and who you can be.' But you are not simple, and neither am I. Complexity is better, and you know that by ruminating on these memories, which only appear simplistic in remembrance; remembering memories evokes simplicity, but living memories evokes complexity."
Aang conceded with the familiar bitterness in his heart. "Memories are all you have left in the end, but those memories are both beautiful and scarce. Life is a memory; that's all it is, except the moment of Now that goes by so quickly and carries so much depth, weight, and meaning that you don't catch it all nor remember it all. And then, when you look back, you realize your memories are inadequate, for you always fail to comprehend the Now. And all that's left is grief and regret, a mourning that you failed to appreciate what you had and who you had—because you'll never have it again, and the memories aren't enough. You can't live memories, only remember them, and the act of remembrance is flawed. I won't be able to live my memories until I'm dead, and that's not good enough; I want to live my memories now—because what I had then is so much better than anything I could ever have now."
"You refer to your race."
He nodded. "And other things."
Azula glanced at him, a subtle assessment. "What were they like?"
"The Air Nomads?"
"Yes."
Something dark and defensive roared to life inside him, and it seemed like Azula sensed it based on the tightening of her posture. "Why?" he demanded.
"I wish to free myself from simplicity," she responded, body rigid. "My father inculcated in me Air's inferiority and feeble nature, its weakness and deserved destruction. But you challenged all of that when I faced you years ago, and you challenge it even more now. I wish to know the complexity of Air."
Aang swallowed. "Are you lying?"
"No."
He decided to believe her, and he hoped she didn't have an ulterior motive. "They loved freedom; it was their foremost aim. They were cultured and civilized, pursuing enlightenment by opening themselves to something more, to something that exists in all the elements, not only Air, but something that seems most intense when in the skies. They loved fruit pies and playing pranks; they loved games and were unified with each other. They knew the wonders of the world and possessed unrivaled knowledge; Ba Sing Se's university and the Fire Royal Catacombs can't compare to the Air Nomad libraries, which stretch back in knowledge, philosophy, understanding, and history for thousands of years, since the Temples, which are magnificently beautiful and ancient, were constructed. They could sing unlike anyone alive; the best, most skilled, and talented poets of the other nations could never capture the grace and majesty my race sang with, for the air quivered with the force and harmony of their songs, the words which they made come alive and settled not only in ears but souls. They loved to laugh, but they were disciplined and knew restraint, liberating themselves from the pettiness of the other nations. They were everything and free, so free; they were unburdened and knew generosity and selfless living while retaining the core individualities that permeate through everyone uniquely; they knew secrets and miracles; they were in balance and had Life figured out."
Azula was quiet, and her golden eyes were dim when she looked at him. "I am sorry my forefather brought them death."
"Me too."
"Why do you not smite me?"
Aang blinked, startled. "What?"
"You could smite me easily," she said, something almost urgent and desperate on her face; it was an incomprehension, something her intellect could not solve. "You should. If I were you, I would. I carry the blood of the man who aspired Air's demise and who succeeded except for you."
"I hate Sozin, but I don't hate you."
"But why?" Azula demanded, fists clenched in her lap. "Why do you sit here, calm, and look at me when I tried many times to kill you; I shot you with lightning. I made you miserable."
He decided to return the favor for when she complimented his appearance. "I look at you because you're beautiful- "
She glared at him. "I know I am beautiful, but my beauty should provoke you in fury to mar my beauty—just as Sozin marred the beauty of Air."
Aang leaned back, heart racing, eyes wide, and while she raised an excellent point, one thing stood out more than the other obvious things. "You think Air is beautiful?"
"How can I not admire such wonders you described?" she snapped, eyes on fire, and he wasn't sure she was aware that the area around them was alight with sapphire flames, blazing; the sand cracked and popped. "Air was brilliant in its complexity and understanding, and I yearn for such complexity and understanding for myself. And that should infuriate you—for my lineage is responsible for Air's lost complexity and understanding."
He glanced at the flames surrounding them and reached out to snuff them out, wrenching control of the flames away from her when it was clear she wasn't going to—perhaps unable to.
Azula flinched at his show of strength. "See?" she whispered. "You could destroy me so easily. I am nothing next to you. I was in a cell, diminishing for eight years while you matured and strengthened yourself, growing into the power of The Avatar. What stops you?"
"Sozin's crimes are not yours to bear- "
"No, I made you miserable, Avatar. Why do you not summon the power of the world into your hands and destroy me?"
"You never made me miserable," he replied after several moments, shaking his head. "You brought me pain, yes. But misery is something of the soul, and pain is something of the body. I'm the only one who will ever say this, but you weren't a menace like you think you were or as others would say. To me, you were a distraction, you and Zuko both, something that helped me not get lost in my mind and memories. You helped me survive rather than obsessing on the permanent absence in the world without Air, something I feel intimately and have ever since my Awakening."
"A distraction?" she echoed, doubtful. "I am more memorable than a distraction."
"You were a beautiful distraction," Aang tried.
"But still a distraction."
"Yes. The entire Great War was- "
"Beautiful?"
"No, only you get that modifier. But the Great War was this massive presence, and I felt it every day, felt the pressures, heralded by Zuko, Zhao, and you- "
Something vicious crossed her face. "Do not speak of that brute."
"Zhao?"
"Yes. It pleases me to no end that he was slain."
Aang remembered the Ocean Spirit, La's wrath against Zhao, and he remembered not trying to stop La from killing Zhao and punishing him. "He committed something unpardonable," he said at last. "But it all distracted me, and I needed that. I guess this is me thanking you for being such a good distraction—because you were very dangerous and made me work for it, exhausted me so much that I didn't have the time nor energy to think about anything else."
Azula seemed to take pride in his praise. "Thank you, Avatar. You are a welcome distraction, too, I suppose. It is not too irksome enduring your company."
He smiled slightly. "You're not too bad, either—yet."
She laughed, looking at him in amazement. "You do not fear me."
"Should I have reason to?"
"It might be prudent," she suggested, voice light, but there was something more. "My insanity may return."
Aang didn't want that to happen at all; he was too lonely and wanted the contact with Azula, enjoying it. And if she went insane, he reckoned that he might follow her into it. "Then consider me your bodyguard against that, too."
"The Avatar as my devoted servant is a pleasant thought," Azula mused, smirking. "If only I knew the method to attain your devotion years ago."
"Wouldn't have worked," he dismissed with a small laugh, imagining how he would have handled such a thing. "I was terrified of you then; now I'm terrified for you."
Azula tilted her head. "Why? Why do you care?"
"The fact you can change gives me hope in not only the world but myself," he revealed softly. "Everyone deserves a second chance, but it's hard to remember that in the moment."
She pulled her lips into a smirk, but he glimpsed the vulnerability hidden underneath. "And if I do not want to change?"
Aang shrugged, not falling for her game. "I'm not going to force you into anything."
Azula frowned at him, disbelieving. "I could flee into the market right now and kill everyone."
"So could I."
"But it is within my disposition to do such a thing. And you would not force me to stop- "
"I would stop you," he vowed simply. "But you have the chance not to walk such a path. You spoke of Sozin earlier—you can be better than him, just like Zuko. You have potential. We could be friends."
"I imagine there are perks of being friends with The Avatar."
"Zuko will tell you all about it."
Silence.
"If Zuzu can do it, I can, as well," Azula declared, something igniting in her eyes, a determination, a competition that Aang knew could blow up in his face, but he felt proud of her.
"Good choice," he commented, something inside him relaxing. "I'm glad you chose correctly."
"I thought it was my choice?" she challenged.
"It was, but there was a clear good choice and bad choice."
Azula nodded, silent for several moments. "How does this being 'good' thing work?"
Aang honestly had no idea if she was kidding; he looked at her, and she simply stared back at him, awaiting his instructions. "We'll take it one step at a time," he said gently.
"Does this really make us friends?"
He stared out at the open water; Agni had fully set, and Tui was visible over the beach, her presence reaching out in familiarity.
"I think it's the start of something," Aang answered at last.
Azula nodded but stared at him, something challenging her gaze. "The last time I had friends, I was betrayed and humiliated."
Aang paused, realization flooding his mind. Zuko told them all at the Western Air Temple about what happened at the Boiling Rock, and how Mai and Ty Lee betrayed Azula, opting instead to buy Sokka, Zuko, Suki, Hakoda, and Chit Sang time to escape. He had never thought much about how that could have affected Azula, but now he realized the significance of the event—it bore resemblance to his own situation.
"You could say the same of me—except about Zuko."
Her eyes widened slightly, intrigued. "Your friends betrayed you?"
"I don't want to talk about it, and I imagine that you don't want to talk about Mai and Ty Lee."
Silence.
"How do you betray a friend?" she whispered, voice dark and bitter, but there was something melancholic. "I am a betrayer, certainly, but not to friends. To betray a friend is to stand on nothing and have no allegiance, no ideal for which to strive."
Aang disagreed, thinking specifically about Sozin and Roku. "I think betraying a friend has its roots in a differing ideal to strive for."
"No, that is- "
"Sozin betrayed Roku to pursue his ideal, to hold an allegiance only to himself."
Her eyes narrowed. "Sozin thought- "
"I know what Sozin thought," he interrupted, voice darkening. "He thought he had everything figured out when he was more narrow-minded than anyone alive—the arrogance. He believed that 'commoners' didn't understand the dangers of the world as he does, that they were too inferior to understand anything and achieve something resembling greatness and discovery, so to protect these commoners from themselves, he believed himself morally required—and justified—to do whatever he thought needed to be done to save the world and spread 'civilization.' But he thought saving the world meant a world of Fire. He was highly intelligent, but he was more ignorant than he was intelligent."
Azula's body was tight as she nodded. "I understand that."
"I believe you."
"And your friends?"
"I don't think they're my friends."
"So, if I shot lightning at them, you would approve?"
Aang sighed, shaking his head. "That would be going too far."
"I want to shoot lighting at Mai and Ty Lee," she replied, voice sharp. "Surely you wish to do something similar to your betrayers."
"I'm hungry," he deflected. "Do you still want to go to the market?"
"It closed for the night," she pointed out, raising a hand to gesture to the inland.
"We can go tomorrow," he said. "I still need that tour. I trust you won't take me to the volcano and push me into it."
Azula smirked. "As if you would not take me down with you."
Aang stood to his feet. "Is there food in the house?"
"Komodo chicken."
"Are there vegetables?"
"Yes."
XxXxXxXxXxX
Watching Azula eat her komodo chicken off her plate, Aang further realized that he wasn't the only one who had changed; he had changed a lot, epitomized by Azula's earlier observations, but Azula had, too. For all that he had changed, she seemed to have changed.
It was really nice not to have to worry about lightning being shot at him.
She was still very much the same Azula he remembered, quick and mischievous, almost playful, delighting in the challenge, but there were key differences, both subtle and large.
She seemed almost peaceful, if that were possible—or at least content with the situation, accepting of the events that threw them together.
Aang wished he could have such peace or contentment. He felt more content than he had in a long time, and he felt his enduring astonishment that Azula of all people was responsible for his contentment, but it felt
She wasn't the only one who yearned for a fresh start. With her, Aang felt no pressure to be The Avatar, and he was beginning to realize that Azula felt no pressure to be Princess Azula, who donned a mask of superiority and distance in his presence. She was able to be her true self, the one she had smothered for so long that it broke her mind, crushed under Ozai's expectations.
He was truly relieved that she had come such a long way from her insanity; it had been heartbreaking to see a beautiful mind succumb to such deterioration. However, he waited for the signs of her mental instability to manifest—if they would. He hoped that since she was out of her cell, she would strengthen mentally and heal.
Aang remembered the first time he had ever seen her, in Omashu during that hostage exchange gone wrong. Two things had immediately stood out to him—the first one had been how beautiful she was, possibly the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, and the second was that he sensed that she hadn't felt peace in a long time, if ever. It had been the same with Zuko when he had first met him at the South Pole, except Zuko was much, much angrier than Azula.
Zuko was explosive where Azula simmered.
After hearing stories of Ozai and fighting the man during Sozin's Comet, Aang could easily see and understand how she had never had the freedom to simply be herself instead of the weapon her father had molded her into. Now that she was free from her father, and since Zuko had secretly released her, Aang was determined to let her experience inner peace.
Even though he was resigned to the fact that he would never have peace, he felt determined to facilitate Azula's peace. Perhaps he could experience peace vicariously through her.
Azula noticed his staring and raised a brow. "Are friends supposed to share food?"
Aang remembered Sokka's violent aversion to sharing food. "I don't think so."
"What is it?"
"Nothing," he dismissed with a shrug, knowing she wouldn't appreciate his conviction to facilitate her peace.
Her golden eyes narrowed, but she let the matter go, more focused on her chicken, which she consumed with gusto.
Aang shook his head and felt something heavy—as usual. The realization that many of the Air Nomad customs and beliefs would die with him was never easier. He doubted that his children would be vegetarians like himself. He had never encountered another vegetarian in the years since his awakening. Well, except for Pathik, but he didn't count.
He didn't want to think about Pathik, but it was too late, as he grimaced, staring at the green leaves on his plate; he felt the instinct to eat no longer.
"Not hungry?" Azula asked, clearly noticing his reluctance, for she seemed to notice everything.
"Not really."
"Is it of bad quality?" Something embarrassed was on her face but was gone so quickly he thought he imagined it. "Servants always supplied me with food. I did not know which was a healthy, viable vegetable and which- "
"It's fine," he cut in. "I'm just really not hungry."
She didn't seem to believe him but accepted his lack of detailed response; she pushed away her empty plate. "Do you know which room you will occupy?"
"I'll find one."
Azula nodded and stood up, and the air clouded with awkwardness. "I am satisfying my yearning for rest. Goodnight, Avatar."
"Goodnight, Princess Azula."
He watched as she exited and sensed her go into her room with earthbending. Alone, he sat at the table, something familiar, but there was no comfort. He almost yearned for her to return—a presence that was fully-living, unlike his past lives.
But he felt the intimate impulse all the same and walked out to the beach again, the sounds of the waves lapping the shore—a welcome divergence of sound—and summoned Roku from the fathomless depths of his soul.
"Aang," Roku greeted, inclining his head.
He sighed. "I'm sorry I wasn't appreciative of your advice last time."
Roku smiled kindly. "You are a worthy Avatar, Aang. I did not expect you to heed such advice immediately, particularly when it went against so much of what the Air Nomads taught you."
Aang remained quiet for several moments. "Will I heed it in the future? I don't want to kill. I know I have—I know—but I don't want it. Just the thought makes me feel like Air will leave me, and all I'll have left are my memories, which aren't enough at all; it makes me feel like I'm tarnishing my race's memory."
"You hold your race in renowned esteem, but do you hold them in too much esteem?"
"No."
"No people is perfect, least of all a race."
"I know they weren't perfect," he said slowly, not wishing to lose himself in his anger again. "But I do know that they were the best, and Water, Earth, and Fire can never be the best. You know it as well as I do. Look at what the other races did to the world! Look how they don't care about anything but war, conflict, and bitterness! They're too stupid to understand anything else! How else does a Great War last a century, non-stop? They all loved the Great War—everyone did. I'm the only one who hated it—because I'm the only one who stopped it, at the end of the day. Others didn't like it, sure, but they felt at home in the war. It's the only explanation as to why it lasted so long and why they needed me, a twelve-year-old boy, to stop it! It wasn't just about The Avatar; it was about Fire, Earth, and Water loving the war. Otherwise, they would have been mature and stopped it on their own. The entire Great War reveals that none of the other races can ever be trusted to be left to their own devices because they will destroy, rape, and wage war! There's nothing redeeming about this gross place. The people in it are imposters and frauds, too stupid to understand anything! What do they know about Life and Death? What do they know about wisdom? What do they know about nature? What do they know about intelligence? What do they know about willpower? What do they know about grief? What do they know about loss? What do they know about spirituality? What do they know about meditation? What do they know about restraint and serenity? What do they know about ethics? What do they know about freedom? What do they know about truth? What do they know about anything but war? Tell me, Roku—tell me. Go on, tell me. What do they know about anything but war? But you can't because they revealed they know nothing but war by waging a senseless, stupid, evil war for 100 years!"
Roku stared at him, something old and sad on his face. "You are young, Aang, so young, and you brim with wisdom and understanding. But deeper than your great wisdom and intelligence, there is so much chaos for such a calm soul; there is hatred—so much hatred. I sense it inside you."
Aang tried to smile; it wasn't difficult. "Hatred is the only reason I'm still here; it's kept me alive. I have to hate. My love killed anything good in the world. Thus, the only way to fix it is to hate, instead; the only way to preserve anything good in the world is to hate. What else can I do? I feel no love, and I don't think I ever will again. I have one friend in the world, but he doesn't understand—how can he? No one understands me, not even you, Roku, but you know who—or what—does understand me? My hatred does."
"Now it keeps you from growing- "
"That's why I decided to take my vacation. I love hating, but I'm tired of hating, and I want a break. You told me I need to heal. Maybe this is my healing. It's more of a distraction, I know, but I need it. I'm tired of performing; I'm sick of pretending for everyone. I can't be real with anyone here in this stupid, evil time, and I'm sick of pretending otherwise. It's all rotten. I'm on a vacation to make things not so rotten."
"I commend you," Roku said. "But remember The Avatar- "
"I know," he cut in firmly. "I know. Nothing's going to happen. But I need a break, and I like it here on Ember Island; it's nice. It's actually not rotten here."
"And your housemate?"
"That's nice, too," Aang revealed after several moments. "I expected her to be rotten, but she's not what I expected. It's peculiar. I hope she finds peace; I want to help her find peace. She was also interested in Air, which surprised me more than the fact that she was even here. I guess she's never had freedom, so it makes sense, but it's still surprising."
No one in his life since awakening in the damned, evil time had shown an interest in Air before, asking informed questions and seeming, truly, curious about his race.
"I recommend you stay vigilant. She is dangerous; she nearly killed you once and, thus, The Avatar Cycle."
Aang frowned. "I know. But the only way she could harm me is if I let my guard down, which I'm not going to do. I'm not the boy she nearly killed; I've grown in every way. I'll easily deal with her if I must."
Roku smiled. "Good. You're decisive when you must be."
"Which is why I did my vacation," he said, pulling out the ancient airbending scroll. "I found this in the Southern Temple's library after our last talk, and it details how an Airbender achieves true flight without the use of a glider."
His predecessor looked skeptical, but when Aang shook it in his hand for emphasis, Roku's hands became tangible as he reached out, taking a hold of the scroll. The more Roku read, the more his surprise was evident.
"Gyatso always spoke of legends of sky-walkers, Airbenders who walked on the winds, never needing a glider nor sky bison, but I never believed the tales he told. Frankly, I don't think he ever believed them."
Aang accepted the offered scroll back as Roku looked out over the moonlit water, thoughtful, hands ethereal once more. The fact that Gyatso knew such stories shouldn't be surprising, but it was, and he didn't know how his master always seemed to know everything, in spite of his relatively young age before his murder.
"You spoke with Yangchen," Roku observed—a statement of fact rather than a question.
"She didn't say much, except that I should delve deeper into The Avatar Cycle. She never believed the legends, either."
Roku's brows crinkled in curiosity. "Why come to me, Aang? You knew I would be no help, yet you summoned me anyway. Why?"
Aang closed his eyes. "I wanted to apologize, but I'm not… comfortable talking with the other Avatars," he admitted, feeling ashamed that he couldn't even, in essence, talk to himself.
A warm laugh met his ears and echoed across the beach. "Oh, Aang, I used to feel like that. To summon your past lives, it is the ultimate judgment- "
"Yes!" he cried out, relieved that Roku understood. "How will they look at me once they know me? Will they be like Kyoshi and condemn my weakness? Will they be humiliated that they live again as someone as weak as me?"
Roku's face was serious, intent with correction. "You are not weak, Aang. If anyone would ever be ashamed to live again as someone so weak, it is you, for all your successors will never accomplish what you have and what you will."
"That's not really helpful," he sighed.
"What's really bothering you?" Roku asked. "If this scroll is the issue, I have a feeling that it will become much simpler than what you think once you begin to master the ability."
He wondered how he could have possibly believed that he could hide things from Roku. "When I was in Ba Sing Se, and I went into the Avatar State, I was floating, no bubble of air. I was weightless."
"Then one or more of your past lives mastered this true flight."
"I know, but I don't know how far back I have to go. Can I even summon past Avatars from thousands of years ago?"
Roku laughed again, something warm and welcoming. "You can go as far back as you wish. It takes more spiritual concentration the farther back you go, but you shouldn't worry—you have such concentration in abundance."
"How far back did you ever go?" Aang questioned curiously. "Kyoshi, obviously. But you know Yangchen, so that means you know Kuruk. Who else?"
"You have familiarized yourself with speaking with your past lives more than, I dare say, any of us before you. I rarely utilized such a gift and blessing. I spoke mostly with Kyoshi when I did, but I summoned Kuruk a few times, to my displeasure, and I spoke with Yangchen once; I have shared more conversations with her in my death than I did in my life."
"You only went to Yangchen- "
Roku shook his head, something remorseful in his eyes. "No, I went back to Avatar Jinzhai, the Fire Avatar before myself—Yangchen's predecessor. It is one of my many regrets that I did not care much for the spiritual side of our power during my reign, quite like Kuruk, I hate to observe. Maybe if I had been spiritual like you, Aang, I would have known what was to come and could have harnessed the wisdom to stop Sozin and the Great War before it began."
Aang was quiet for several moments. "How far back do you think I should go? Would Jinzhai know?"
"Normally, one cycle—a thousand years—is the standard," Roku revealed, words spaced in consideration. "But you have already done one cycle. And Jinzhai would not know, so I suggest you go back fifteen hundred years, give or take a few decades, maybe a century, if you truly wish to solve this puzzle."
"Thank you, Roku."
"I am always available to the reigning Avatar—just as we all are. All you must do is search and ask."
Aang absorbed Roku back into his soul and remained sitting on the beach, listening to the rhythmic waves. He gazed up at Tui, smiling up at her as she waved down at him in Yue's form, features pulled into a bright, beautiful smile.
"What do you think, Moon Spirit?" he called out. "Do you know anything? Is there anything to share?"
"No, Avatar Aang," she responded mournfully, floating toward him, white hair incandescent. "I am displeased not to be any help to you. Only those who mastered this ability you speak of would know the knowledge that you seek."
He nodded, unsurprised. "Thank you, Tui."
Aang walked back into the house, deciding to summon an Avatar before Jinzhai the next day, not having the mental energy to deal with such a thing after all the surprises of the day. After eating the remainder of his meal, he went to his room, the same one he occupied all those years ago, and wondered briefly if Azula occupied her room from her childhood.
With a wave of his hand, all the candles in the room came to life, casting a warm and comforting glow across the room, and Aang knew that he was going to fall asleep quickly. He was not worried by the fact that Azula slept in the same house, down the corridor, but he was prepared for the difficulty of 'living' with her.
He closed his eyes, mind drifting into darkness.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Aang awoke to a piercing scream, eyes snapping open in alarm. He bolted out of the bed, instincts flaring, searching for potential threats, ready to blast anyone out of the room with all of the elements. After a moment, he realized he was alone; there was no one in his room. Another scream followed, and he ran into the hallway, following the sound.
It came from Azula's room, which, ironically, was the same room that Katara occupied before Sozin's Comet.
He didn't know what he was going to see, but he prepared himself for a break from sanity as he yanked the door open and held a flame in his other hand. His vision adjusted effortlessly, and he saw Azula thrashing on her bed, writhing and cringing, face simultaneously flushed and deathly pale, unintelligent mutterings and moans and groans, swiftly followed by more shrieks and sweat coated drenched across her body.
It wasn't a ploy to provoke him to let down his guard so she could attack him.
Aang rushed forward. "Princess Azula!" He shook her multiple times, ignoring the clammy sweat, but there was no effect; if anything, her screaming increased. "Wake up!" he cried out, but there was no response, and he followed his only option.
He blasted her with frigid air, reinforcing the clamminess of her sweat across her flesh.
Azula gasped, lips parted in a soundless scream as her eyes snapped open. Only Aang's airbending reflexes saved him from the identical blasts of blue fire blazing toward his face. Those blasts were followed by further wild, rapid, erratic fireballs, and the room was aflame. Aang spun around and to the side, putting out the fires, but then he heard the crackling sound of lightning, and his eyes widened as he met Azula's empty, hazy golden eyes; she was elsewhere, lost in memories, and her body reacted to his presence, for she perceived him as a threat.
"Princess Azula!" he shouted, but it had no impact.
The lightning surged toward him, and Aang caught it and redirected it out the window, where it erupted into the sky in a sizzling line of power. His chi was alive with the strength of her lightning, and he fought the instinct to release some of the energy.
But her attack wasn't done.
Aang parted the wave of flames and avoided the fire dagger aimed for his neck; he avoided each of her assaults, never attacking, only evading and defending himself. Her attacks were powerful but chaotic, and her movements choppy, balance sloppy. When her fingers wound in the familiar motion, Aang shoved her back with airbending, and she crashed into the wall, where she collapsed to the floor and slumped in on herself.
It was worrying, but he sensed her beginning to awaken.
"Princess Azula," he said gently when she finally seemed coherent.
She panted terribly and stared up at him with wide glassy eyes, trembling as she quickly tried to pull herself together, every move made exposing her mental instability. "Thank you, Avatar."
Aang slowly sat down across from her, keeping a wise distance between them. "You're welcome. I can help you clean up if you want."
Azula blinked rapidly, still not all there as she observed the remnants of her room. "Did you attack me?"
His brows rose. "No, I woke you up, and you attacked me; you shot lightning at me."
"Did I?"
"You did," he said, still feeling the residual energy in his chi.
She said nothing for several moments. "You can leave, Avatar."
"I know."
"You should leave—everyone does," she whispered, eyes glazing.
Aang felt the familiar impact of his perennial grief. "There was a time I left when I shouldn't, and it was the worst thing I ever did. I'll stay as long as you need me to. I know what it is to be alone, and it's hard. Sometimes, it's good, but it's hard, too. I don't think you should be alone."
"You think wrongly."
"You shot lightning at me," he said gently. "It must have been intense to demand such a reaction."
"I am not talking about it!" she snarled, flames erupting sporadically across the room from the embers of her previous fires. "Never mistake me for some girl to save, comfort, and fuck, Avatar!"
"That wasn't my intention- "
"Results matter more than intentions!"
"Of course, they do," he agreed, "but the result here is your room's destruction; it has nothing to do with me. I want to help you, and I expect nothing in return, nor do I want or demand anything in return. I just want to help."
Azula looked feral, golden eyes brightening like Agni. "No one ever wants to 'just' help."
"Why did Zuko help you?" Aang asked kindly, curious to hear her answer. "Why did he save your life for eight years?"
"Because he is a fool—just like you. Nobody is selfless, and that includes those of Air you so worship."
Aang felt his fists tighten at the slight against his race, but he let it go, even though she was wrong. "I want to help you. I don't have a selfish motive- "
"You chose to stay on your vacation rather than fly to Spineless Kuei and crush him. You are selfish, Avatar."
He nodded with a shrug, watching her feral eyes flicker with surprise. "Of course, I am. I never said I wasn't. I'm not like my race; I fail their memory every day. We all fail, and I'm sorry your failure was so shattering for you."
Azula hissed between her teeth, looking eerily like Ran and Shaw, particularly with the blue flames coiling in the back of her throat. "What do you know of failure, Avatar? Your successes are sung with renown across the world."
Aang was unable to prevent his eyes from narrowing. "Really? Based on our earlier conversation, the fact you're still alive is a failure on my part. It took me a century to stop the evil of the Great War, and I've been unable to correct any of that evil because Kuei and so many more resent me. I failed my race, who never deserved such failure; they deserved a better Avatar who would never fail them. I had dreams before I knew I was The Avatar; it was always the same dream."
She slowly relaxed, and she seemed more lucid. "What dream?"
He really shouldn't have revealed such a fact, but he didn't want to back down, knowing he was making process with her. "The Great Comet. For years, I saw it in my dreams. I didn't know what it was, but it was always the same; it was always the same dream. I'd play airball with my friends, and I'd win, but then the sky changed, and everything was red—and would be forever because of all of the blood. Everyone else, all my friends and even Gyatso, backed away from the comet, which blazed toward us, but I always flew out to meet it, drawn to it." He inhaled slowly, trying not to remember the dream but failing; it was so much worse given that it was a prophetic dream that he had been too stupid to realize and understand—and, thus, warn his race. He almost felt Sozin's Comet blazing above them as he relived the dream, but he continued: "I guess it was the Firebender in me. I'd fly closer and closer, and when I reached out to touch it, it passed through me; it did nothing to me. I was always confused, but every time I flew back to the Temple, my friends and family were burning, faces melting, leaving blackened skulls, and they would scream horribly—it was blood-curdling. Then I'd wake up, and it was always the same, no matter what I did, every single time." He gazed at Azula, who stared back at him; he had her full attention. "I never told anyone about those dreams, and I doomed my race because of it. I wasn't there to tell them, even when there was time on that day of destruction—because I fled. That's the truth."
Silence.
Azula looked at him in a new way. "A perceptive but tormented man who knows success and tragedy in equal measure," she observed, voice thoughtful. "You know the truth because you live—just as I do."
He looked away, out the window he released the lightning strike. "My race don't, not anymore, and I don't know what to do about that. I've done everything I can; I've done everything I should and followed everyone's advice—except spread my seed—but it's not enough. They're gone, and I wish I was gone with them. I miss the world that was; I yearn for it because it was so much better and brighter, more promising and fulfilling, full of meaning and wonder. I think about them all the time, and I talk to the empty air, imagining they stand before me. Who compares to them, who were so profound and pure, so wise and enlightened? No one, least of all me. I hate everyone here, for none of them compare to my race, who was perfect." Aang looked back at her, exhausted. "I know what it means to fail. The fact I exist means failure—that the world can't be in balance without my help and guidance."
"I failed, too," she acknowledged, voice ashamed and pained. "I failed my father and myself; I failed the legacy of Sozin."
"Is that a legacy you want to have?" he asked, remembering her seeming aversion for her forefather earlier.
"It was what my father wanted," Azula said after several moments, words tight and too controlled. "And what my father wanted, I wanted."
"I'm sorry- "
"Cease your apologies!" she snapped. "They are disingenuous! You know nothing of my father."
"I don't know what it was like to be raised by your father, but I do know of his cruelty and what it's like to fight him, and I know that he extended the reach of his cruelty to children—even his own."
She blinked in surprise. "Zuko told you the source of his scar?"
Aang nodded. "I almost broke the Caldera in my rage."
"I think I remember that day," she deflected. "There was a massive- "
"I know what you're doing."
"What do you want me to say?" Azula sneered, the force of her glare like Sozin's Comet. "That I watched my father cradle my brother's face with a flaming hand and heard Zuko's screams? That I can still hear them? That I always knew I would be forced to scream like Zuko did if I failed?"
"So you never failed," he whispered, pained.
"Until I did." Something vicious crossed her face. "That stupid Water Tribes peasant-bitch."
Aang heard the story of what happened from Zuko, but Katara never spoke about it—not that there were many moments to ask her about it, since there was so little communication between them since Sozin's Comet and no communication over the past five years.
"What happened?" he asked. "Zuko told me, but that doesn't- "
"I snapped," she said, something unstable and bitter on her face; Aang felt a kinship. "After Zuko left to join you, betraying everything we were ever taught, everything changed. I gave him that chance; I gave him back Father's love and regard, and he spit on it all, damning me in the process. And Father was proud! He was proud of Zuko for telling him to 'fuck himself'!" Something twisted across her face, something hysterical and mad, and the sapphire flames roared to life, but Aang only sat there, letting the room blaze while she spoke: "I did everything he ever asked; I did everything he ever wanted. I aligned my thoughts to match his; his instincts were my instincts. But Zuko spits in his face and goes his own way, and Father is proud! Furious but proud! And he was disappointed that I did not rebel against him as Zuko did! It was me who gave Zuko that pride! It was me who made it all possible, but Zuko spit on me, and Father spit on me; I was nothing to them. And then the Conniving Bitches betrayed me, leaving me alone. I had nothing and no one. And Father made me Fire Lord, but it was over. I held on for so long, bore the brunt of his expectations and pressures, the demanded perfection, but I kept going, awaiting my coronation as Fire Lord. And Zuko showed up with the Water Tribes peasant-bitch, and it was the Agni Kai we always played as children—but real. He was better than me; he was stronger and more skilled. He had progressed so much while I only seemed to deteriorate, and I knew it on some level! I knew, and it infuriated me, and it infuriated me that I was infuriated—for Zuko being better was an impossibility on which I always relied!"
He was surprised by her awareness, keeping an eye on the flames. "You seem to understand how it happened."
"My mother," she snapped, seething. "She would always talk, and sometimes I listened."
"That's good- "
"I did everything he ever asked, and I did it perfectly, but it was never enough. I devoted myself to him; I conformed myself for him; and I suffered under him. You should have killed him."
Aang nodded, understanding her perspective. "If I was older, I would have; if I were the age I am now then, I would have killed him."
Azula hissed, eyes glaring. "That is not good enough. You annihilated the Fire Navy at the North. I read the reports myself. What was one more death amongst all the dead?"
He flinched but inhaled slowly. "I couldn't do it then. I was twelve, and it was monumental. Maybe I wanted the end of the Great War to be promising rather than prophetic. I felt hopeful. If I spared him, allowing life, it would allow life to flourish after the Great War was over. But if I killed him, I feared that it would only evoke more death. Clearly, I was wrong. But I can't change that, and I don't think I would if I could. It was too much to kill someone like that, personal and intimate, someone I had imagined every day and prepared myself for, and I couldn't handle it, not so young."
Her intensity dimmed suddenly, reflecting the flames in the room. "I thought I killed him."
"What? Who?"
Azula didn't seem to hear. "The Agni Kai was so intense, and I was losing. I had no opportunity to defeat him, so I took the opportunity to hurt him in the only way I could—emotionally. The Water Tribes peasant-bitch was there, and I hated her; I wanted her dead; I wanted to hurt Zuko as he hurt me when leaving. I fired lightning at her, but he jumped in front of it."
"Zuko," he confirmed softly, still in awe of his friend.
She stared at nothing but everything, voice teetering with chaos. "I thought I killed him—or at the least, he was dying. And it was the Water Tribes peasant-bitch's fault! He would not have failed to resist his gallant impulses if she were not there! And I wanted to help him! I did, I did! But I could never trust that peasant-bitch; she was fighting me and would want revenge; I knew she would try to take him from me. I tried to kill her quickly so I could get Zuko to our family physician—for our physician always fixed our injuries as children. But the peasant-bitch chained me, and I thought Zuko dead for sure—I knew it—but then he stood there with her, looking at me, and I snapped. Seeing him alive, because of her and not me, was too much. I hope she is dead."
Aang sighed. "She's not, as far as I know."
"She betrayed you."
"Something like that," he said, smiling tightly. "I'm sure you'll find this amusing."
"Unlikely."
"She's going to marry King Kuei."
Azula blinked before she laughed, and it was hysterical and bordering on mad. "Of course, of course, of course!" Blue flames erupted from her lips, and Aang only watched as she seethed, not understanding her ire, but knowing it was necessary—somehow. "That bitch gets a new crown while I get nothing, and she is to marry the man who wants my head on a pike to parade across the Earth Kingdom! Look at me, reduced to ruin, a fleeing prisoner who must blend into crowds and remain anonymous in her interactions! And that bitch rises from peasantry to Queen of Ba Sing Se, the most populated city in the world. I hope Zuko assassinates her. That would teach Spineless Kuei and that bitch- "
Aang's brows rose; he hadn't realized that Katara's position as King Kuei's impending bride was at risk and a dangerous position to occupy because of the new conflict. "That's not going to happen- "
"Of course, it is not going to happen!" she snapped. "Because Zuko does not have the temerity nor inclination to do it! He wants Kuei dead, not the peasant-bitch. Why would he assassinate the woman who saved his life?"
All the flames vanished, leaving smoke and embers, throwing them in darkness, and Aang was relieved that she was able to do it herself.
Azula pulled her knees to her chest, face devastated. "Why did any of this happen?"
Aang swallowed. "All the answers are always just out of reach," he whispered in acknowledgment. "Some farther than others. The only answer that's adequate is Sozin. Sozin is to blame for everything."
"He was the Heart of Fire," she whispered. "That is what the nobles say."
Something vicious clawed at him. "They're wrong. Sozin wasn't the Heart of Fire; he was the anus. He's why your father is the way he is, why you and Zuko were raised the way you were. Sozin is responsible for it all; it all has its source in Sozin."
Azula said nothing, eyes drifting over her charred room.
"You'll probably want to go to another room," he said after several moments.
Her eyes snapped back to his. "Do not suggest I go back to your room."
Aang blinked in surprise. "I wasn't going to. If you want that room, it's fine; I'll pick another."
She stared at him. "Were the Air Nomads as giving as you?"
"More so."
"Because they were perfect."
"Yes."
Something suspicious was on her face. "I once thought Sozin perfect- "
"Don't," he warned, unable to keep his voice from lowering into something threatening and furious. "You never compare the Anus of Fire to my race."
Azula's eyes were narrow. "I was merely comparing my simplistic understanding of Sozin with, perhaps, your simplistic understanding of Air."
Aang scoffed, heart racing with renewed purpose—defending his race, who deserved all the defense in the history of the world after no one, least of all him, defended them from their murder facilitated by Sozin. "No. That's- "
"I thought you yearned for simplicity. Do you not wish to hear how you adhere to simplicity?"
He glared at her. "I yearn for rest, which you interrupted."
Azula's face flickered with disgust. "Fine. Go, Avatar. Flee like you once did."
The house rumbled, and Aang tightened control of his earthbending, feeling any kinship with Azula vanish. "I was trying to help you- "
"And I try to help you- "
"I don't need your help," he snapped, voice a lash. "When have I ever needed your help? What could you possibly do to help me? I'm The Avatar, and you're just a princess who lost her mind. You know nothing about the burdens I face and the expectations- "
"You sound like my father."
Aang froze, mind splintering under the force of such words. "What?"
Azula looked both amused and indignant. "You heard me."
Silence.
He grit his teeth and blinked hard. "I sound like him?"
"When you demean me next to the grandeur of your position. 'You are only a princess; I am Fire Lord, above you in every way and always will be.' 'I'm The Avatar, and you're just a princess who lost her mind.' Your verbiage is different, but the message is the same. No one but you knows you and can help you. No wonder your friends betrayed you."
Aang felt a sardonic smile cross his lips. "No wonder your friends betrayed you."
Azula's lips parted in shock before something resembling respect flashed across her face—but her eyes were colder than the Water Tribes. "You are a very poor bodyguard, Avatar."
"I'm about to abandon my post," he snapped, compromised; he felt the familiar hatred swell inside him, finding comfort in it. His hatred would never leave him—it was his wife.
"As is your nature," she drawled. "Fleeing, abandoning—I know how your race felt- "
The air slammed into Azula and sent her crashing into the wall, loud and howling, a gale in its intensity; smoke and embers clouded the room, whipped around by the frantic, relentless gusts. Her hair was wild, but not as wild as her eyes when she gazed at him; she tried to swing back, but the air was too strong, holding her in place, making her immobile.
"I should burn you to your bones so you know how they felt!" Aang roared, Ember Island trembling and shuddering under his colossal wrath. "You think it's you I want here? I want so much more than you! But Gyatso's gone! My race is gone! And I'm stuck with you as a replacement! It's evil! I hear your laugh, but I don't hear their laughs! None of them are here! It's your golden eyes I look at, but it should be their gray eyes instead! I feel your rebellion instead of their love! I'm just left with you and the dying memories I possess of them! I have clearer memories of you than I do of them! My last memories of them are skeletons! You deserve nothing less than they received—everyone does, especially me! You should die screaming like they did; you should hold your own heart, dripping with your life's blood, in your hands before you die; you should watch, powerless, as monsters sweep through your home, slaughtering, raping, and pillaging; you should see all the corpses of your race around you, faces melted and bones blackened, and join them, mind suffocating from the smoke and ashes until Death is left. You should feel the shame of your abominations! You should be raped by the horror and moral terror! You should hear those monsters laughing and yelling a tally of how many children each murdered; you should watch the dragons swallow the children and rip limbs apart; you should watch heads kicked around for sport; you should watch hearts ripped from unmoving, scorched chests; you should watch as your home is stained red with your blood; you should have your eyes gouged out before they are jammed them into your ears; and your intestines should be ripped out and weaponized against all your orifices! Everything my race experienced, you should experience!"
Her golden eyes were piercing. "Then do it!"
Aang released his hold, unable to do it, and Azula fell to the ground, wavering as she stood to her feet.
"See, Avatar?" she scorned, a terrible smile on her lips. "You are complex."
He felt every instinct to flee, particularly before he actually went through with his desire, but he held firm, bowing his head, breathing heavily. "I'm sorry."
She seemed surprised by his apology—but only for a moment. "What for?"
"I acted just like your father, didn't I?" he said, ashamed. "I reacted with violence when I shouldn't have—just like him. I threatened you when I shouldn't have."
"He spared me often from his violence but not always, even when I did not fail," she said, seemingly unconcerned, but he glimpsed the instability. "At least he never touched me."
Something sick spread through him. "As in- "
"Sexually."
Aang felt heavy and horrified. "I'm sorry."
"Why?"
"Because it's wrong!" he sputtered in disbelief.
Azula only shrugged. "I feared he would after Mother left since I look so much like her, but he never did. He had his whores—just like Zuzu."
"Still, I'm sorry he beat you and that- "
"That is how I became such a skilled liar," she interrupted, voice thoughtful, but she didn't seem to see anything. "I would break the rules, break his commands, and would always blame it on my brother rather than confess with honesty. I learned that truth meant pain, and I avoided it. I was weak—a terrible sister."
His fists clenched, and he wondered darkly if Ozai recognized that the only reason he was alive was that Aang had been a child and not a man during the Great War. "He was weak and terrible- "
Azula shook her head, eyes blank. "My father is many things, but weak is not one of them- "
"It is now!" he snapped. "I took his bending; I smothered his fire—forever. I should have done more."
She blinked and gazed at him with something akin to fascination. "You are angry at my suffering?"
He feared that if he answered, his voice would be amplified by all the lives he lived, so he nodded, silent.
"But why?" she asked, incomprehension clear. "It is my pain, and you have more than enough of your own pain to ruminate on—you just showed me that. I tried to kill you several times."
"We were enemies," Aang acknowledged slowly, "but I have never hated you. You were a- "
"Distraction, I know," Azula drawled, displeased. "A 'beautiful' one, too."
"Still are," he complimented.
She sniffed. "Of course. Yet you are kind to me. No one is kind. Why are you different?"
Aang stared at her for several moments. "Maybe I want to feel something, and I think you want to feel something, too."
Azula glared. "If I desired sex, I would- "
"Not that," he confessed, shaking his head.
"Then what?"
"None of us have long to love, even Avatars. Maybe especially Avatars," Aang admitted, thinking of the burdens of his duty and potential long lifespan. "You need to take love for granted—because you won't have it forever. What do you do with the time you're given? I wasted my time; I once had love, and it's gone. My memories aren't enough; I didn't take my race's love for granted, and I didn't take the world I lived in, the same one I restlessly yearn for, for granted, and I paid the price—and still am paying the price of my immaturity. Now both are gone, and the void is immense and unfillable, and I feel no love. I just told you things I've never told anyone, especially about what my race experienced. But I was honest with you; I was real with you; I loved you in that moment because I was nothing but honest and real. Maybe I want to feel that again; I want to have that love again. I'm tired of my hatred. Hatred is so exhausting."
There was a terrible tightness in Azula's posture. "I am unsure I know love and its feeling."
Aang smiled gently. "When you shot Zuko with lightning, you were worried and wanted to help him, wanted to heal him, to fix him—that resembles love.'
Her brow rose. "So, you would become like my brother?"
"A friend," he replied honestly. "Zuko's my friend, but… he's Fire Lord, and I'm The Avatar; there's always going to be that expectation there. I want to be Aang, and I want to have that love, that place of belonging with someone I feel a connection with. Air is all about friendship, and we can be friends."
Azula peered at him, golden eyes unreadable. "Even if that someone is me."
Aang shrugged. "You're here. I'd rather make the most out of this, and I think you can do a lot of good, both for yourself and me. I've lost a lot, and I want to gain something. I want to forget and feel again—just for this vacation. After the vacation is over, that's it—there's nothing more unless we resolve to maintain our friendship. But I want to feel again and forget; I want peace, and I know you do, too. I'm tired of hatred and want peace—just once, however shortly. Can you help me do that?"
"I suppose this is what friends do," she observed after several moments.
"Reciprocity," he agreed. "You help me, and I help you."
Azula nodded slowly. "And will I have to awaken you from nightmares? I am unlikely to survive such an ordeal."
"You won't have to worry about that. You have to worry about finding another room."
"Not that I could sleep again," she replied, disgruntled.
"I'll stay with you," he offered impulsively.
Her golden eyes were intense, staring at him critically. "On the floor."
Aang smiled. "On the floor."
XxXxXxXxXxX
His soul was deep and boundless, something ancient and forever, familiar and unknown. Aang sat on the deck to the house, eyes closed, searching for an Avatar after Jinzhai. He immediately felt Roku, Kyoshi, Kuruk, and Yangchen, all well-known to him, some more than others, and the feel of Yangchen's soothing presence gave him the strength to go deeper, to face the fear he felt for the judgment that would certainly come.
Aang passed who he knew to be Avatar Jinzhai, a presence that felt similar but different to Roku and searched further, stopping at the Earth Avatar before Kyoshi, a stubborn presence that demanded his attention.
He summoned him forward and opened his eyes to observe a man who looked similar to General Fong with a full beard and military-like bearing. His past life wore Earth Kingdom colors, but a single strip of the colors of the other nations ran down his chest.
"Hello, Avatar Aang. I am Avatar Boruk."
Aang nodded in greeting. "It is an honor to meet you, Avatar Boruk. I suspect you know why I summoned you."
"The idea, not specifics."
"Have you ever heard of true flight for Airbenders?"
Boruk rubbed his beard, voice gravelly. "Only tales. When I trained at the Northern Air Temple, a few of the Elders spoke often of an age, a century before my birth, when such an ability had been used to terrifying effect."
He felt something dark chill his heart. "What do you mean?"
"He was unnamed, but he struck like the winds on which he walked. This Airbender's conduct forced his erasure from all records in Air Nomad history, but I do know he existed in the time of my predecessor, Avatar Keska. Despite Keska's brevity, I learned that this unnamed Airbender's philosophy endured on the principles of conquest and growth—without, first, the destruction, or conquest, of the old, new growth cannot occur."
Aang shook his head. "A dark and dangerous philosophy," he commented, thinking of Sozin.
"It consumed him. It was he, the very first non-Avatar, who discovered true flight, the secret of weightlessness. He was untethered, living in the heavens above all Children of Air."
"So, he attacked? Is that what happened? I've never heard of someone's name being stricken from Air Nomad history."
Boruk sighed. "The exact details are known only to Keska, but she will refuse to divulge them; she is most bitter about this unnamed Airbender."
"Why?"
"It is what he did. Because he lived the remainder of his life without ever touching the ground, he was delusional; his head was 'in the clouds,' so to speak. He looked down at the Four Nations like he was a god, like The Avatar herself, and dared challenge what he should not have. It became too much for him, and when the time came, he descended and brought the terror and destruction of the wind. He attacked Keska's homeland, murdering many innocents in cold blood, trying to purge the old and bring forth new growth. Keska arrived and ended his terror when he refused to tether himself; she killed him, but the damage of his attack was profound, and Keska still carries her bitterness and grief even now. She refuses to speak his name."
Aang swallowed and worried that if he managed to master true flight that something similar would happen to him. He knew how fragile he was due to his grief. Would he be remembered as the Mad Balance-Keeper?
"So, you've never seen this?" he asked quickly, raising the ancient airbending scroll.
Boruk squinted at the scroll before shaking his head. "Never have I seen such a scroll. Its appearance is magnificent."
"Do you know who might have seen it? Do you know who crafted it? This unnamed Airbender was unlikely to have created this scroll. But who else could have? You mentioned that this unnamed Airbender was the 'first non-Avatar' to discover the secret to weightlessness, and since The Avatar State provides me true flight, is it possible that one of your predecessors crafted the scroll?"
Boruk frowned, opened his mouth, but paused when Azula shuffled into the room suddenly.
She stared at the sight before her, surprise evident on her face before she recovered remarkably quickly. "Hello there," she said, smirking as her brows rose inquisitively. "And you are?"
"I am Avatar Boruk, young one," Boruk answered as he stood up and bowed with the Fire Nation sign of respect.
Azula seemed impressed. "A little outdated on your bow, but your form is perfect."
"I am The Avatar," Boruk said with a smile. "To be an imperfect Avatar is not to be The Avatar. It seems you understand perfection since you embody it."
Aang groaned in disbelief that his past life was flirting with Azula. "You were The Avatar," he corrected.
"But I am alive evermore in you- "
Azula looked amused and seemed to enjoy the conversation—somehow. "You can speak with any Avatar you wish whenever you wish?"
He shrugged, glancing at Boruk; he was surprised that Azula actually perceived Boruk and could communicate with him, for he had never summoned his predecessors in front of an audience. "With enough concentration."
She looked fascinated, like she wanted to ask a lot more, but she turned around and approached the door. "I am going to the beach. It has been far too long since I played volleyball." She glanced back with a smirk. "Have as much fun as I am going to."
Then she was gone.
Boruk chuckled. "She has spunk."
"So do you," Aang said, frowning. "Were you really flirting with someone over a thousand years younger than you?"
"Love knows no limits- "
"You can't be serious- "
"I jest, Avatar Aang," Boruk defended, bearded face alight with amusement. "She is interesting, though. What is volleyball?"
Aang shrugged. "I don't know. Must be a new Fire Nation game. I wonder if it's like airball."
Boruk nodded. "Airball is exciting. If you summon Avatar Anil, Keska's predecessor, he may provide the answers you seek. And I know that Anil was a skilled airball player."
He ran a hand through his hair. "Thank you, Avatar Boruk, for your advice and wisdom."
"Anytime, Avatar Aang," Boruk said with a smile before dispersing and rushing back into Aang's body.
Aang contemplated summoning Anil forward but decided to make sure that Azula wasn't causing havoc at the beach; after all, if he had learned anything, it was that Azula was unpredictable. And he was curious about volleyball. He grabbed his headband, the very same one he had worn after Ba Sing Se, and tied it around his head, relieved that he didn't have to announce himself to everyone on Ember Island.
XxXxXxXxXxX
Aang stared, wide-eyed, at the outfit Azula wore, a very arousal-inducing outfit. She might as well have worn nothing, and he felt his body respond to the arousing sight, so he subtly swirled the air around himself to calm his raging body, to hopefully make his arousal less obvious.
Once he was suitably calmed, Aang finally looked back at Azula, and he was not the only one. She had built quite a crowd of appreciative men who gazed at her with expressions that spoke of the desires Aang just denied himself.
And she had been the one emphasizing the need for anonymity. She was a war criminal, one of the most dangerous people in the world, the surface reason behind why Zuko and King Kuei's new conflict erupted, and she was the center of attention when she shouldn't be.
A fierce cry of pain echoed through the air, and Aang followed the trail of smoke to the small crater, in which sat a scorch, flattened ball. Besides the crater, a woman held her foot in obvious anger, glaring up at Azula. He followed her glare to Azula and was unsurprised to note the triumphant gleam in her eyes, which glowed and were alive with energy.
It was going to be a long road.
With the game officially over, Aang quickly walked over to Azula, who saw his approach and smirked up at him when he reached her. "Hello, Ava- Kuzon," she corrected, recovering well from her slip of the tongue, surprising him slightly that she still remembered the name that he used when he first entered Zuko's house.
Aang quickly pulled her by the arm away from the crowd. "What was that?" he demanded.
Azula frowned. "What?"
"The game," he responded, keeping his voice low. "That was too intense."
She scoffed. "It was nothing like last night if that is the source of your worry. There was no lightning."
"You're supposed to blend in, not be the star of attention," he whispered urgently, gesturing to the various men still staring at her—and at him, envy on their faces.
"First of all, Kuzon," Azula stressed, sounding proud for some reason. "I was moderate. I did not set the net on fire this time, and I refrained from engaging fully—until the end, of course. Secondly, I would appreciate it if you did not expect perfection immediately."
Aang softened, remembering how Ozai demanded perfection from his daughter or else he would beat her. "I'm sorry," he apologized. "I'm worried. I don't want the vacation ruined because you're too good at volleyball."
Azula stood taller, smirk stretching into a smile. "Flattery, flattery—but I accept. Come on; I'm hungry after such vigor." She bumped him with her elbow, and Aang was surprised but bumped her back. "I will lead you through the marketplace. I need some komodo chicken."
Before he could respond, she gripped his forearm and directed him into town.
To repair their anonymity, Aang quickly gave her his outer robe to wear. "Wear this. We don't want to create the wrong kind of sparks, do we?"
She smirked and accepted the robe, gracefully slipping it on without argument. As they walked through the market, Azula truly knew where she was going, weaving past carts elegantly, side-stepping approaching crowds like she was an actual Airbender until they both arrived at a small stall.
Azula walked to the keeper. "One basket of komodo chicken," she ordered and looked back at him, the expression on her face making him wish that she had been released from her cell years ago. "This is the best komodo chicken on the island at this place."
"You truly honor me, my lady," the keeper gushed, beaming at them. "And would your husband like something?" He looked toward Aang. "Would you, my lord?"
His eyes widened in surprise at the man's assumption, and Azula must have seen his reaction, for she fully turned toward him, a wicked gleam in her golden eyes. "I am uncertain." She reached out and placed a hand on his arm. "Husband, would you like some komodo chicken?"
Aang quickly recovered as best he could and shook his head. "I ate earlier," he lied. "Maybe next time."
The keeper nodded in consent. "I guarantee that when you do try the komodo chicken, you will not regret it. Your basket will be ready shortly, my lady."
Azula raised a brow after the keeper had disappeared from sight; she seemed amused. "'Maybe next time'?"
Aang felt the need to defend himself. "Well, I've never met another vegetarian this century, and I don't want to be recognized, so I felt that it would be safer and easier if I lied."
"You show promise in deception, Husband," she teased with a smirk. "I must say, you recovered remarkably well. Zuzu would have floundered."
"Well," he sighed, trying not to shuffle his feet. "I try not to lie often, but it's unavoidable sometimes. And I've heard that I'm a pretty good liar, able to think quick on my feet."
She must have seen the regret shining in his eyes because she stopped her teasing. "The Earthbender girl? The blind one?" she asked as they then sat down at a table. "The one you and the non-bender were with when you confronted me during the Day of Black Sun?"
He gratefully accepted the offered distraction. "Yes, the one you spoke to when you declared that you were a four-hundred-foot-tall purple Platypus Bear with pink horns and silver wings."
Azula's lips twitched a brief laugh escaped her. "Oh, yes, she was funny, someone who was unafraid to threaten me."
The keeper abruptly appeared before them, interrupting: "And here is your Komodo Chicken, my lady." The man placed the chicken in front of Azula, bowed, and left.
She swiftly dug into the komodo chicken enthusiastically, moaning in pleasure, and Aang looked away, scratching his face, trying to focus on something else.
He wasn't successful.
"Did the Air Nomads really not eat meat?" Azula asked, forcing his gaze back on her.
Aang gratefully accepted the distraction. "All life is considered sacred. It's a noble principle, but it's hard to adhere to. When I fought your father, it was something I almost cast aside, but I spared him."
Azula's eyes roamed his face, searching. "What was it like?"
"I need specifics."
"What was it like battling my father?"
He remembered the shrill fear that threatened to consume him, and even now, he had no idea how he was able to endure Ozai's blitzing, vicious, and relentless attacks, empowered by both a dark will and Sozin's Comet. He was in awe of his younger self, who accomplished so much, for he had no idea how he did it.
"Terrifying," he answered honestly, seeing no point in lying. "I thought I was going to die; I thought I was going to see my race again."
"But you fought," she pointed out, intrigued. "You rejected Death. You felt no peace with such a prospect."
Aang stayed quiet, remembering those moments in the earth ball he made while Ozai bombarded him. "There was only panic and fear," he recalled. "But that was because I knew what failure meant. If I failed, there would be no Earth Kingdom- "
Azula hummed. "That is not the intolerable notion you think it is."
Thinking of her situation, he supposed he saw her point. "But I also knew my friends would be hunted down and killed. I felt everything—except peace. I haven't felt peace since I was told I'm who I am."
She perked up. "You felt a thrill fighting my father?"
"Not until I was winning."
Azula smirked, and amusement was carved in her face. "My father was beating The Avatar?"
"For a time. He would have killed me," he said honestly. "He was going to, and I couldn't stop him. When The Avatar State activated, it saved me- "
"Avatar State?" she asked, curious. "What is that?"
He blinked in surprise. "You don't know?"
"No. No one knows anything, not truly and genuinely, about The Avatar except The Avatar himself, including his power."
"And possibly you, if you get your wish," he said in amusement, relieved to hear that The Avatar State wasn't common knowledge; The Avatar Cycle couldn't be ended prematurely without such knowledge.
"Will The Avatar grant me my desire?"
Aang decided to trust her. "Think of it like I'm pure Avatar in The Avatar State. Right now, I'm Aang and The Avatar. But in The Avatar State, there is no Aang, and there is no Roku or Kyoshi; there is The Avatar, only us, as in all of us ever to live and experience and know, each with differing levels of strength and power unified together. My soul is open, and everything—everyone—comes out, merging with all that I am—and all that I ever was."
Azula stared at him, fascinated. "It sounds incredible."
"There's nothing like it," he agreed.
"When that activates, do you relinquish hold of your body- "
He shook his head, unsurprised. "You don't understand. I doubt you could ever understand- "
"Because I am not The Avatar."
"Yes," he said, something mournful rising inside him. "You've seen The Avatar State."
Something passed over her face. "Under Ba Sing Se."
Aang brushed aside the memory of pain. "Yes. And you think you saw my body."
"I did see your body- "
"Yes, but what you didn't see were all the other bodies. In The Avatar State, it's not just my body; it's Roku's body, Kyoshi's body, Kuruk's body, Yangchen's body, Jinzhai's body, Boruk's body, Keska's body, Anil's body, and all my other past lives going back to the Beginning. And it's also not only my mind; it's all of their minds, too. And it's not only my power; it's their power, which combines with mine to empower me with all the strength, skills, knowledge, and experience of The Avatar, which is a conglomeration of so many."
Azula shook her head. "How did I even manage to shoot you under Ba Sing Se?"
"I was overwhelmed," he said after several moments. "It wasn't just me, no, but it was the first time I was conscious during The Avatar State, and I waited too long to act. I was trapped in my awe and the intimacy of my inheritance, which no one understands but those who I was—which I felt under Ba Sing Se."
"Forgive me," she whispered. "I should not have shot you."
"Maybe you should have," Aang retorted, seeing her look at him in surprise. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't shot me. I may have killed everyone. It was possible."
"No wonder Sozin was afraid of you, even though you were a child. You are above everyone."
Aang scrunched his face. "No, don't do that. That's why I wanted my vacation. Yes, I'm 'above' everyone on some level in direct influence and power, but I'm like everyone else- "
"You resent your natural gifts," she observed, something unreadable on her face.
"I do in every lifetime, even when I was Kuruk," he acknowledged. "He took longer than most, but he reached the same conclusion we always reach."
Azula took another bite of her komodo chicken and swallowed. "How did it feel depriving him of his bending?"
"It almost killed me."
"Are you ever going to do it again?"
"I'm not going to deprive you of your bending," Aang assured kindly. "It won't happen."
"I may lose my mind again," she said lightly—too lightly. "And it is not like I could stop you. You are The Avatar- "
"I didn't tell you any of that to emphasize my power; I told you because you seemed interested, and I chose to trust you. We're friends now. I'm not going to deprive you of your bending."
Azula smiled slightly, and it was real. "I will you shoot you with lightning if you try."
"I believe you."
"And Ember Island shall be your final resting place," she teased.
Something tight gripped his heart. "If you're going to kill me somewhere, do it at the Southern Air Temple."
"Why?"
"I deserve to die at the Southern Air Temple; it provided me twelve years of joy, and it shall provide me my final moments as Aang."
Azula's face lost its amusement, replaced by something somber. "And then you live again."
Aang tried to smile. "A restless existence."
She was quiet, staring at him. "Why do you not enforce your will on others? You are The Avatar, above everyone, whether you deny this fact or not. You could command everyone to follow- "
"I have faith people can make their own decision—the right decisions."
"Sozin—and many others—did not."
He sighed, hating that fact. "If I enforced my will, I'd be like him; I refuse to be like him. And I think the races would rebel against me if I did try. Zuko would hate me, Katara and Sokka would hate me, and Toph would hate me."
"As if their opinions matter next to yours," Azula dismissed. "They are nothing- "
"One is the Fire Lord, one will be the Queen of Ba Sing Se, one is the future Chief of the Water Tribes, and one… is somewhere."
Azula tilted her head. "Sokka will be Chief of the Water Tribes?"
"Apparently."
"He was the brother of the peasant-bitch?"
Aang closed his eyes. "He's the non-bender, the son of Hakoda, the Chief of the South. And recently, Arnook named Sokka his heir, so Sokka's the heir of both the North and South—Chief of the entire Water Tribes, not only half."
Azula raised a brow. "Does that not make him a prince?"
He leaned back in surprise, never having considered such a title. Before the Great War, when he had still been a child at the Southern Temple, he traveled to the Fire Nation and Omashu, but those were the only places. The first time that he had ever been to one of the Poles was when Katara found him in the Iceberg. And since he had never asked Sokka or Katara, he had no idea what the customs were for the Water Tribes, specifically, if the South used prince and princess as the North did.
She noted his blank expression. "So, the Northern Water Tribe uses traditional titles while the Southern does not," she surmised.
Aang shouldn't feel surprised by her evident knowledge of Water Tribe traditions, but he was. "It seems that way. Why do you know that?"
Azula laughed slightly. "When Zuko and I were little, my grandfather pursued a marriage between Zuko and Princess Yue of the North. He was evaluating if it was possible to end the Great War diplomatically."
His eyes widened, and he almost looked up into the sky to ask Tui for confirmation. "Really?"
"I was appalled, of course, by such an unequal match," she continued, "so I studied Water's beliefs and customs, trying to prepare Zuko for such a terrible life. He was never interested and blew me off—just as Chief Arnook blew my grandfather off. Nothing came of it. No one wanted diplomacy—except Grandfather."
Aang tried to imagine Sozin's son as capable of something like that. "I don't think Fire was ready for diplomacy."
"Certainly not. We still believed we could conquer the North, and I imagine my father would have claimed Princess Yue as a war prize. I heard she was beautiful."
"She was, and she still is."
Azula's eyes narrowed. "We knew that Princess Yue was killed- "
"She sacrificed her life to save the Moon Spirit," he interrupted, looking up at the bright sky where he knew Tui was, unseen, wrapped in Yue's form; he felt somber.
"The day the Moon vanished from the sky," Azula concluded, seeming to sense his somber mood.
Aang looked back at Azula, something all-too-familiar ravishing his heart. "I could have saved her and prevented all of that. It was my fault because I didn't take my waterbending training seriously. I was so immature- "
"You likely needed to be," she observed, almost kindly. "To be mature meant to embrace all that happened, something you were incapable of."
"I know," he conceded. "I just wish I could have at least saved someone. I'm not sure I've ever saved someone, only failed and let countless people die because of my inaction and mistakes."
Azula was quiet, finishing the last of her meal. "Well, Princess Yue was most brave, Kuzon. It takes a true and noble princess to embrace death and not flinch."
He smiled genuinely, thankful for her praise. "She was very brave, one of the bravest I've encountered since my Awakening."
"And if you wish to save someone," she said coyly, standing up, "you can save me. You are my bodyguard, after all."
Aang rolled his eyes but felt a small smile form on his face. "We'll see what happens." He stood up, as well, and left a few coins on the table. "Do you- "
"You pay for my meal," Azula observed, golden eyes gleaming under Agni's light with mirth. "And since the keeper concluded that we are married, are we on a date, Husband?"
He laughed in answer, grateful for the distraction. "Come on, Princess. I want to see more of the market."
She guided him past various stalls and commented all the way; apparently, she had put her two weeks to herself to excellent use in absorbing all the new things on Ember Island. He asked a few questions but mostly listened as she explained and observed. Aang felt relaxed to be among so many people, a liberation after his severe isolation, so he imagined that after spending so long in a cell, Azula felt even more liberated than he did.
Eventually, they walked back to the beach and found a secluded part, making themselves comfortable on the sand; they reclined back as they watched the newest game of volleyball.
"You were very good," he complimented eventually, still watching the game. "Easily the best player."
"Oh, do you think so?" she questioned lightly with a sigh. "I think I might have lost a few steps. But it was exhilarating. The only thing I would have done differently is set the net on fire again."
"Those blue flames would mark your identity."
"Let me dream, will you, Avatar?"
Aang shook his head in amusement and said nothing, still watching the game; it was quite different from airball, but it looked fun.
"Speaking of dreams," Azula said slowly, peering at him after several moments. "I wish to see The Avatar play volleyball; you would be excellent at it."
"What makes you see that?" he asked, curious. To be honest, he had already discerned that he would be 'excellent' at the game and felt a yearning to play.
"Airbender," she observed dryly. "And your body is lithe and athletic but sturdy and immovable all at once. Further, you are The Avatar. I am certain you played volleyball in a past life. All you must do is use The Avatar State you explained to me, and you would need no practice."
Aang suddenly envisioned a mirage of Kyoshi and Roku playing volleyball and laughed heartily—the first such laugh he laughed in a long time. "I think that would be a corruption of The Avatar State's purpose."
Azula sighed. "Can you blame me for wanting to see The Avatar State again when I now know what it is and entails?"
"Not really."
"You would still be incredible at the game," she said with a shrug. "Go join the next game, and you shall draw a crowd just as I did."
Aang chuckled and shook his head. "Your crowd had nothing to do with your talent for volleyball."
"Regardless, I suspect you could garner a crowd most easily."
He slowly turned his body towards her, gauging how serious she was being, and felt no surprise when he discovered that she was completely serious. "I think I need help in 'garnering' a crowd for volleyball since you have experience with it," he teased and held out a hand once he stood up, grinning. "We can show them how it's done."
Azula blinked and took his hand with a smirk, eyes glowing with glee. "We shall leave a legend of our renown across these sands, whispered about by the residents for all-time."
That was going a little too far, but he nodded. "We can try."
"Will we make a good team, Avatar?"
"I suspect so."
XxXxXxXxXxX
They made an excellent team.
Aang hadn't had so much fun in years. It was just him and Azula on one side against four opponents who didn't stand a chance, in all honesty. It was unfair. The game was over within minutes, and if Aang used airbending to make the ball go faster, no one had to know. They played several successive games and won by a large margin each and every time.
The sun began to set, so they decided to call it quits, the relieved looks on the opponents' faces easy to see as they announced that they were finished. When Azula glanced sorrowfully back at the net, Aang shot a bright flame, and the net was afire. Her beaming smirk and resulting laughter were worth it. Together, they walked back to the house, and Aang contemplated the past two days. He hadn't expected the situation when he first decided to visit Ember Island, not at all, but, shockingly, he was content with how things turned out.
Once they reached inside, Azula turned to look at him, something almost shy on her face, but that was impossible. "My memory lacks a time when I had so much liberating fun. I truly thank you, Avatar."
"Aang," he emphasized, shaking his head. "That wasn't The Avatar today; that was Aang. The Avatar is my state of being, my title, position, and power."
"Similar to how mine is princess," she said after several moments. "Well, thank you, Aang. But I agree on one condition."
"What's that?"
Her golden eyes were serious. "You cease to refer to me by my title, understand? I want you to refer to me as Azula."
He smiled and nodded his head. "Very well, Azula."
When they finally began to eat dinner, Azula asked the question that he dreaded, surprised that it had taken her so long: "What happened to your group? How did your friends betray you?"
Aang sipped his drink and contemplated how to answer, wanting to be honest but fearing such honesty. "The Great War ended, and we grew up, I guess. Without the Great War, things could never be the same, and we could never stay the same nor together. We went our separate ways."
"There is more to it."
"What do you want me to say?" he asked in an effort not to lose himself in his bitterness. "We weren't all Earthbenders who could go home? We were of all the nations, and I'm literally of the all the nations. I stayed in the Fire Nation over a year to help Zuko fortify his ascension, and Toph went to her parents- "
"The blind girl?"
He nodded, "Yes. She stayed for a few weeks with me in the Caldera, helping your brother, but then she left to go back to her home. She wanted to try and reconcile with her parents—because she had a home to go to. She gave an excuse that she wanted to teach the Earthbenders in her hometown, but I know she only wanted to go home. Katara and Sokka left almost immediately with their father to go back to the South—because they had a home to go to and loving members of their community who would welcome them. She said she needed to help with the rebuilding process, and he said he had to begin to learn the duties of the Chiefdom, but I know the truth—they only wanted to go home. And Suki left with them, stopping at Kyoshi Island, which is near to the South—because she had a home to go to."
"A logical conclusion," Azula said carefully, observing him, and Aang realized he cracked the table from the force of his grip. "But is that- "
"I don't have a home, not anymore. Everyone forgot that." Aang could feel his anger mounting, and he didn't care enough to restrain it as it seeped through. "I know what they'd say—I know. That I have four homes in the Air Temples, but they mistake a house for a home! What home do I possibly have where I am welcomed and loved, where I can be free and be myself, where I can find forgiveness and acceptance, where I can find belonging and unity? Everyone had something—someone—to return to. But what did I have?" His fists clenched tightly, so tightly that he was concerned that his knuckles would burst through his skin. The water in their cups began to swirl violently, creating cracks as it spun faster and faster, sloshing over the sides; the house began to shake, rumbling intensifying, and he sensed the foundations below quiver; the candles exploded into massive and roaring infernos of flames, leaving a swelter in the air, which howled around the room, gusts of wind making Azula's hair come alive. But Aang heard his thunderous voice over the chaos he unleashed: "I had empty Air Temples that only provoked my memories of a better life where I once could have been somebody! I had burials to complete! I had to pick up my race's scorched, cracked, and blackened bones and give them their rights—by myself! There was no one to help nor provide support! I had restorations to fulfill! I had to start over and try to revive the Temples' greatness and beauty by myself when all I had were the memories of a child who never paid enough attention! It was all me and only can be me! I've barely been keeping it together since the Great War ended! And no one cared! No one does care! And the people who think they understand know nothing—because they're not me! My friends abandoned me when I needed them more than ever!"
He was breathing heavily, and Azula stared at him; there seemed to be something resembling sympathy in her golden eyes. "The Great War deceived you into thinking that you had a new life when you still lived your old one—or yearned to live your old one."
"It was a war," he agreed after several moments of catching his breath. "Can something real and living be made during something so anti-life? We were children, naïve and troubled. The worst thing is—I wish I could feel surprised by it all. But I'm not."
"Because everyone leaves."
"Yes. I left my race, but when I Awakened, it was like they left me, and that's how it feels—like they left me. And the Gaang left me, too, except for Zuko—but Zuko is Fire Lord, and it's not the same. I saw him multiple times a year, every year except the past year, but I was still alone; he had to be Fire Lord, and I had to be The Avatar. When everyone left, there was no distraction, and I wasn't clever enough to distract myself."
She nodded. "You blame them for ruining the distraction that kept you sane."
"They ruined whatever peace I had and whatever peace I could have," Aang admitted. "They made me grieve, and I didn't want to grieve—because I knew I'd never be able to stop. And I was right—I can't stop. I'm still grieving, eight years later, and I always will. I wish I could feel something other than what I feel. I'm sick of this grief and mourning; I want something more. But I don't know how to get it. There's a haze surrounding me, and I fight it—because if I let it consume me, I'll be no more. But I'm tired, and I want peace. But how can there be peace? How can I have peace? I don't think there is peace for The Avatar. But my friends get to feel peaceful because they have homes and people who love them? It's- "
"Dragonshit," she supplied, eyes alight with understanding. "While I was confined in that cell, Mai and Ty Lee were free, at peace with their betrayals."
"You know what happened to them."
"Zuko told me. They are exiled to wander the Earth Kingdom forever, evading Spineless Kuei's searches." Her posture changed, and hunger was on her face. "Do you know what happened since to them?"
Aang was relieved that he didn't, for he didn't want to lie to her, but if he did know, he would have to lie out of fear that Azula would sneak off Ember Island, track them down, and kill them. "I last heard they were in the Colonies years ago."
Azula's face pinched in displeasure as she sipped from her cup of tea and looked at Agni's fading light. "A small part of me actually misses them," she whispered, the disbelief in her tone evident and understandable. "Even after they had egregiously betrayed me, I… miss them."
He smiled gently, understanding intimately what she felt. "And that's okay, it truly is. I feel that way about my friends, too. While my anger is not like yours, I'd still like to smack them around a little bit." He grinned mischievously and more than a little honestly. "Maybe flash The Avatar State at them."
She laughed. "That would be most memorable," she commended before she quieted and stared into his eyes. "But a much bigger part of me wants to shoot them with lightning," she said sharply as if she were testing him.
Aang shrugged, realizing that she was, indeed, testing him, but he was going to be honest, regardless. "And that's okay, too. It makes sense."
"It is natural," Azula urged, golden eyes almost hypnotic. "They betrayed me, and for their betrayal, they must die."
"By betraying you, didn't they betray themselves?" he wondered, having already come to a similar conclusion with the Gaang. "Wouldn't it be more impactful if they lived in exile knowing that the regard they once had, provided by you, a princess of the Fire Royal Bloodline, has been eviscerated?"
"But to kill them is forever- "
"And they'd be at peace in the Gardens of the Dead."
Azula flinched as if burned, eyes cold with horror. "No. They must suffer."
"I imagine they do," he said almost kindly. "They are exiled in the Earth Kingdom, always under threat because of King Kuei; they have to live in fear, always on their guard, never able to relax- "
"Acceptable," she purred. "It is difficult to spare them, but I endeavor to do so—so they live in torment."
He nodded. "Because killing is easy. It's so easy; it's so easy you don't even realize what you're doing."
There was no judgment or disgust like there would have been on someone else's face; there was only curiosity. "Well observed. Men kill each other over many things—treasure, power, fear, women, revenge, love, among countless other reasons. What no one knows is how easy it is; it is almost beautiful in its simplicity."
"I have blood on my hands—so much blood." He stared at his hands, feeling the pressure and presence of the imaginary blood staining his flesh. "They drip with blood. I've killed so many, and I've killed out of love and hate. On some level, I think I knew what I was doing, but in the moment, with everything rushing inside, I didn't care. 'I am capable of unimaginable rage,' and there's no one who could stop me. 'When gods fight or get angry, mortals are the ones who die, not the gods.'"
"Yet you spared my father- "
"Because I realized exactly what I was doing," Aang cut in. "I knew, moment to moment, what I was doing, and I knew what I was doing would have repercussions. I wanted those repercussions to be more positive than negative, so I spared him."
"So he could live in torment?" she asked. "So you could shame him fundamentally and forever?"
Aang shrugged. "Maybe on some level, that was my goal, but it wasn't what my focus was. I could kill, but I couldn't murder. To end him during Sozin's Comet was murder, and I couldn't do it."
"And your friends? Do you spare them- "
"I spare them because they deserve to be spared," Aang interrupted. "I'm always going to be angry, and I'm never going to forgive them, but they deserve to live and have lives, find love, and have families and children. They deserve everything I'll never have. But that doesn't mean I won't still resent them. I don't plan ever to see them again, and I'm okay with that. I'd rather do what I've been doing the past years than see them again; I don't want to see them again."
"So, you distance yourself- "
"Yes."
Her head tilted, and her gaze was consuming. "But your distance brought you here."
"I once felt everything, but now I feel little," he confessed, not looking at her. He didn't know why he trusted her enough to speak so honestly, but he did trust her. Maybe it was because he knew that if she betrayed him, he possessed a history with her that would only enforce his conviction to kill her if he was in a rage because she betrayed him. "I feel numb to so much that happens, whether I hear about it or experience it. The only way I know how to solve it is to numb myself even more to all of it so that I can feel the small moments of joy that I'll have here. And this vacation is good. Already, I feel more free and less heavy. I'm thankful my distance brought me here."
"You yearn for peace."
"Peace of my soul. I am restless and anxious, burdened and tired—because my 'friends' made me this way."
Azula nodded. "I suppose that is my yearning," she divulged after several moments, voice thoughtful, almost curious. "The biggest and easiest lies we ever utter are the ones we whisper to ourselves, and I lied often, and I was the biggest victim of my deceptions. But the truth is—peace has always been my aim."
"It's everyone's aim whether everyone admits it or not."
"I thought devoting myself to my father and realizing Sozin's vision would bring me peace, but it only brought madness and despair." Something almost vulnerable flashed across her face, hidden by a deep bitterness and reluctance. "I want to feel settled and content, understanding my purpose and place. I suppose I have no home, either—although it differs from your situation."
"Clearly."
"A home would offer a fresh start, right?" she asked, almost desperate, something cracking in her eyes. "It would do all those things you said, but would it not be cleansing? Would it not be reviving? Would it not be purifying- "
"It's all those things and more," he answered, nodding gently
Azula's lips curled slightly. "Maybe Ember Island can be a temporary home for both of us during this vacation."
Aang matched her smile, something clawing at him, a remembrance, a subtle joy. "Gyatso once told me- "
"Gyatso?" she echoed, brow raised.
"My mentor—my father, really, for your understanding. He told me that nothing ever ends; there are only directions. I never understood that, even when I thought I did, but I think I'm starting to understand it now. You're right—this could be a temporary home."
Azula's smile stretched slightly before it transformed into a smirk. "But there is only one thing that will make it a home."
He didn't like the sudden gleam in her golden eyes. "Which is what?"
"A spar," she purred, eyes alight with anticipation. "I have not fought in years, and I desire to experience it again. And who better to spar with than The Avatar? You will strengthen me in all areas."
Aang yielded and waved her out the door, and they walked out into the courtyard, where Aang took off his headband and dropped it on the fountain. He leaped over to one side and prepared himself before looking back to see that Azula was using his headband to tie her hair back.
They stood across from each other, and he remembered he and Zuko once occupied the same positions.
"Are you sure about this?" he called out.
"Utterly."
Aang sighed. "So, am I using all the elements of just fire- "
A wave of sapphire flames roared toward him, and Aang retaliated with his own wave of flames.
XxXxXxXxXxX
They are making progress! This was fun to write. I hope you all enjoyed it! Leave a review and tell me what you think!
**Aang and Azula are slowly getting used to each other, and it helps that they both deal with similar tragedies in their lives. If you believe either character seems to be out of character, I disagree. Both are simply progressing along the natural character growth—or, in Azula's case, withering—that they had in Canon. It's more compelling that they react this way, I think, to everything that they have endured, and it makes sense that they would find kinship by understanding each other—even if they can rub each other the wrong way. Both of them are now adults, and both have dealt with a lot since the Great War ended. They are both now helping each other heal from the scars that they've suffered, and it truly helps that they seem to understand each other more than anyone else.
And you'll find out what happened to the Gaang soon, don't worry. There's a reason why Aang is furious with them.
Anyway, I hope that you enjoyed it. If you leave a review, I'd really appreciate it.
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