For such a smart man, Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald could be really, really stupid. It was just one of the things Sola-Ui had come to expect from her fiancé. But even then, this was something else. A stupid plan, which he was going about in a stupid way, and which anyone else would have to be stupid to go along with.
And yet, there Saber was, apparently just as happy to be wielding a fluffy feather duster as their rapier, giving the hotel room in Fuyuki one last clean.
"This is pointless," she said, for the thousandth time, as if anyone in this room cared what she thought.
"Nonsense," said her fiancé, dusting off his robes absent-mindedly. "First impressions mean a lot, you know that. What would Matou think if my headquarters looked anything less than immaculate when they come to parley?" He chuckled. "And, of course, Saber has done such a lovely job at setting it up for guests."
In the corner, Saber flashed their Master a brilliant smile and twirled the feather duster in a flamboyant salute.
Sola-Ui glared at them, and at the perfectly laid out tea set that no-one would drink. Utterly pointless. Only an idiot would willingly accept a drink prepared by an enemy Master. Frankly, she'd think less of Matou Kariya if he even touched it. Kayneth himself hated tea. Saber didn't need it, and Sola-Ui certainly wasn't in the mood. And yet, Saber had insisted on laying out refreshments.
And Kayneth had smiled indulgently and gone along with it. Of course.
Sola-Ui clenched her fists, and tried again. "They're not coming, Kayneth. Obviously. Why would Matou choose to accept your invitation and walk straight into your place of power? We could have done anything to set up a trap – we should have done anything to set up a trap! Think for a second, honestly! Matou would have to be an idiot to come here."
"Well, yes. But after seeing the man in person, and co-operating in the chase of Berserker, I feel fairly confident in saying Matou Kariya actually is that kind of idiot," said Kayneth. "He is impulsive and reckless, with a one-track mind and a grudge against Tokiomi Tohsaka for… some reason that escapes me."
"More, he already knows that Archer and I work well together," put in Saber. Sola-Ui gritted her teeth. "He also knows that, with my fortunate immunity to Archer's Noble Phantasm, we are at an advantage – if we wanted him dead, we would not need to use such subterfuge! No, we would face him in honourable combat!"
Kayneth's dopey grin at Saber's words almost had Sola-Ui clenching her fists. Instead, she folded her arms and turned away.
"He still has no reason to accept your invitation, no matter how politely Saber delivered it," she sneered. "He's not coming."
"I suppose we shall just have to wait and see," said Kayneth calmly, still with that infuriating know-it-all smile that made Sola-Ui want to punch him.
There was no arguing with him when he was like this. Maybe in a couple of hours Sola-Ui would try again. For now, she had no intention of prettying up a room for guests that would never see it, so she flounced off to the kitchen and poured herself a generous glass of wine.
It would play havoc with her sleep schedule, but so what? All she was good for was a prana battery for Saber. Kayneth and his lovely shiny new knight action figure would go ahead and do whatever the hell they wanted, so screw her and her opinion, she supposed.
All at once, Saber startled, and turned towards the window. "Master."
"Archer?" At Saber's nod, Kayneth closed his eyes. "Yes, I feel Matou coming as well," he said after a moment. He smirked at Sola-Ui. "Best get ready, dear. It seems we will be entertaining tonight after all."
Sola-Ui almost screamed.
Idiots. Everyone in this stupid, stupid War, all idiots.
Like most of Fuyuki, the residential area in Miyama was in chaos. There were fewer fires burning unchecked, a couple of days after Berserker's rampage, but there was still rubble and barricades everywhere, making the roads almost impassable.
To vehicles, at least. To Serenity, it was perfect terrain.
Even better, here in the nicer district, where the houses were large and Western-style, surrounded by high walls, there were fewer people milling around on the streets – especially this late at night. The well-off had, on the whole, retreated inside their houses. There, they ran down their food stores and waited for the authorities to clear up the devastation outside.
They might be waiting a long time, Berserker having decapitated the systems in place that might have dealt with this sort of thing, but Serenity wasn't interested in the ordinary citizens of Miyama.
Ahead of her, the Matou house stood, dark and forbidding in the night.
She still wasn't entirely convinced by Caster's reasoning as to why this should be her next target…
"See, here's the thing," said Caster. "We can definitely help you out with Lancer's Master. We've been working on our own projects that look very promising, and we're super happy to co-ordinate in attacking Master and Servant at the same time! But, we've kinda got a more immediate problem."
Serenity – feeling very exposed, just standing in the open like this, even if she knew why it was necessary – didn't say anything.
"From my read on the Masters of Lancer and Rider, not to mention Lancer themselves, they're not about to move any time soon. The Master of Rider is itching to get going, but I'm pretty sure there's quite a bit of tension in the Rider-Lancer alliance beneath the surface. Lancer's content to wait around, and their Master doesn't have a clear idea of how he wants to direct them. Best guess, they'll dither until something forces their hand. Ideally, that something will be us, when we're good and ready."
Caster's Master nodded. "I want the first strike to be the last, if possible. We don't need the Chain of Heaven deciding we're dangerous enough to bother crushing."
That made sense. There was no point in trying to wear down someone who could perfectly reform themselves in an instant. Prepare perfectly, then make a decisive move. It had served Serenity well throughout her life.
"The problem?" she prompted.
Caster preened, all too pleased to be given a chance to show off. "The problem, dear, is that I need time to work! Time, and space. I can't be having to deal with distractions while I'm trying to set up solutions for Lancer, and frankly it all sounds dreadfully hard work. You're the only Servant left without Magic Resistance, you know, it's all terribly unfair."
She hummed, and spun her staff idly. "And we're not the only ones who've been forming alliances, I'm afraid. Lancer has everyone all in a tizzy, and it seems the Master of Saber has worked out he has rather a lot to gain from an alliance with the Master of Archer."
Serenity noted the tension in young Waver Velvet's posture when the Master of Saber was mentioned. According to Kiritsugu's research, he was a student of Kayneth El-Melloi Archibald, but there didn't seem to be any loyalty or warm feelings there. On the contrary, El-Melloi seemed almost insulted that his student had put himself on his level.
"That sounds troublesome… for you."
"It is!" Caster said with a pout. "Archer hasn't really shone so far in this War, but she really is a nightmare to deal with. A sniper who hits like an artillery barrage and moves through the battlefield like lightning… any time Master or I are out in the open, or next to a window, or really just anywhere in general that isn't properly fortified, I have to waste my energy on concealment and protective spells! It's such a bore."
Serenity didn't say anything. Even Caster had to get to the point eventually.
When it was obvious Serenity wasn't going to give anything back, Caster sighed. "And, yes, it's a problem for you too, obviously. You and your Master made yourselves rather unpopular the other night with that little hostage bluff. Out of everyone, I'd say the Master of Saber and Archer herself were the most annoyed by it – so, if anyone's going to be their target once they've teamed up, you will be. Good thing we decided to team up as well, huh?"
That was pretty much what Serenity had feared. Kiritsugu might not care about his reputation so long as he got results, and that was a good attitude to have… except when it turned an entire Grail War against you.
Something of her troubled thoughts must have shown in her body language, because Caster nodded sympathetically. "Yes, yes, I'm know I'm really not one to talk, but that wasn't the wisest move, darling. Still, that's how it is! If you want us to come up with some really top-grade solutions for Lancer, we'll need a little time…
"So, pretty please take out either Saber or Archer for us?"
It sounded to Serenity very much like Caster just wanted to use her new ally to deal with all her problems for free. But… that much was to be expected. It wasn't like they had anything to lose by taking out some other Servants. Formidable as Saber and Archer undoubtedly were, they were essentially irrelevant now that Lancer was revealed. If the other Servants didn't factor in to any kind of plan for dealing with Lancer, all they could be was a hindrance.
Besides. It was high time Assassin started getting a bit more active in this War.
El-Melloi would be easy to kill when the time came. He was far too full of openings – no matter how powerful he or his Servant were, Serenity would be able to pick them off at her leisure. Archer, though… that Independent Action skill could make things tricky. Even if Serenity acted as bait, and drew Archer away from her Master so that Kiritsugu could kill him, there was no guarantee Archer would disappear before killing Serenity in return.
No, ideally Serenity would be far, far away before Matou even realised he was dead.
Fortunately, she was perhaps the Servant best equipped to make sure this was the case.
The high wall around the Matou estate wasn't a problem. Serenity scaled it with a light hop, and landed silently on the lawn. There didn't seem to be any kind of Bounded Field here like the one at Tohsaka's house, either, which struck her as odd. Then again, what she'd seen of the Matou magecraft lent itself mostly towards the control of those insect familiars.
Kiritsugu's research had indicated the Matou magecraft was in decline. It had started when they'd moved onto Tohsaka's land – there was nothing proven, but the Einzberns speculated it was something Tohsaka had done to the ley line to get an edge in the Grail Wars.
There was a reason the Einzberns only showed up to Fuyuki once every sixty years.
The door was locked, which wasn't much of a surprise. Usually, this wouldn't be much of a problem, but today Serenity had taken… a little extra equipment with her. She carefully placed a small leather bag down on the doorstep, walked inside straight through the door, and inspected the lock.
No alarms. Not even a simple spell designed to do the same job. Curious. Either the Matou just didn't care about security, or they had something else they assumed would deal with thieves or enemy magi out to steal their secrets.
Well, it suited her purposes. Serenity opened the door, retrieved her bag, and continued inside.
Like many of the places Serenity had found herself in in her new life, the Matou house was expensive, and opulent, even grand. But where the Einzbern castles had been cold and empty, or where El-Melloi's apartment had been modern and bland, the Matou house was… dead.
Not even the dead of a tomb, a clean dry dusty dead – the Matou house was rotting. Not physically. The curtains weren't moth-eaten, the wood hadn't been chewed by worms, there was no mould eating away at the ceiling. All of that would have at least indicated some presence of life, and there wasn't any. It wasn't even all that dirty, at least not in the main living areas.
But here and there, you could see it. The areas where grime had built up over long decades with no-one who cared enough to clean. The broken furniture no-one had replaced. The total lack of any kind of decoration. In the night, the shadows were deep and the silence oppressive. This was nothing more than the corpse of what had once been a home.
Serenity wasn't usually this morbid, she reflected. This house seemed to bring it out in her.
On the brighter side, she felt a lot happier about what she was about to do to the place.
Her hand dipped in to her bag, and came out carrying a pin, a rag, and a bottle of unidentified fluid. She licked the pin, and stuck it point-out behind the doorknob, where it might prick an unwary hand. The bottle was quickly upended onto the rag to wet it, and she smeared the liquid inside over the whole arrangement. Then, she moved on, just another shadow in the night-time house.
As she crept through the house, Serenity carried on wiping the wet rag in key areas – especially those that might be likely to be touched. Doorknobs, window panes, the stair bannisters, light switches. Here and here, more pins were placed, sometimes stuck into the floor to be trodden on, or inside cushions or seat covers.
After the madness of the War so far, Serenity was almost glad to return to normal – this was much, much more familiar ground for her. Killing in person was all well and good, but the real advantage to poison was that the poisoner could be long gone, with a perfect alibi, before anyone realised anything was wrong.
Even a tiny amount of her bodily fluids would be fatal to a human… eventually. The more they absorbed – even through the skin, even without knowing it – the more quickly their end came. Someone who opened one of her poisoned doors would initially only feel a slight tingle in their fingers, and think nothing of it. An hour later, their hand would feel like it had been dipped in flames, and an hour after that they would be unable to do much more than writhe and scream in agony. Death, within a day.
If they pricked their finger on the pin and introduced Delusional Poison Body into their bloodstream, however, they'd be unlucky to have to suffer for more than a couple of minutes.
It was as much kindness as Serenity was permitted to offer.
Little by little, room by room, the Matou house turned into a deathtrap. A thousand poisoned surfaces, a hundred hidden pins, just waiting to trap the unwary Master.
… and, also, because Kiritsugu was nothing if not thorough, a variety of small but potent explosive devices, which Serenity attached with tape to the underside of every table, cupboard and chair in the building. Some were incendiary, some contained a hail of shrapnel that Serenity had spent an afternoon licking, and one contained what Kiritsugu had called a 'nerve agent', which he claimed would cause nausea, followed shortly by paralysis and death if inhaled.
All it would take was one phone call, and the bombs would go off. Alternatively, all it would take was for one of them to be mishandled, at which point it would explode and actuate the others, and the bombs would go off. A different Servant might have asked why bother poisoning the place if they were going to go to the trouble of blowing it up, but in Serenity's opinion, you could never be too sure.
Ground floor is done, Master, she sent. Upstairs or downstairs next?
Downstairs, came the immediate reply. The Matou workshop is likely to be in the basement. Find it, destroy it if you can.
Understood.
The basement wasn't hard to find. For one thing, the air smelled worse and worse the closer Serenity got to it – a dank, wet, offensive stench. For another thing…
A single worm wriggled on the carpet. It was the first living thing Serenity had seen in the house. She padded up to it and crouched down to inspect it.
Serenity was generally fine with animals. They usually weren't fine with her, as even mosquitos refused to feed on her tainted blood, but generally she liked the idea of every one of Allah's creations having its own proper place in the order of things.
This, however, was the most disgustingly unnatural thing she'd seen in a long time, and she took a small amount of satisfaction in prodding it with a finger and watching it flop around and die.
There was a small trail of slime that Serenity would rather not think about leading from the dead worm to a door that looked even dingier than the rest of the house. It would be wrong to say Serenity was nervous as she opened the door, but she would admit to a certain amount of trepidation as to what vaguely unpleasant sight might await her inside.
This was, as it turned out, entirely justified.
The stairs leading down were narrow, and unlit. In the dark, they seemed to shift and move underfoot – until the light from the open door revealed them writhing with a carpet of worms. As Serenity stepped down through the door, the ones on the first step squished under her bare feet and shrieked in pain. After that, they gave her a wide berth.
The door swung shut behind her, leaving her in darkness, but Serenity's night vision had been incredible when she was alive and was even better now, so she could still make out the basement beyond.
She wasn't surprised, but it was… dispiriting how awful things were down here. Magi. Infidels and heretics, every last one of them.
The room was filled wall-to-wall with those disgusting unnatural worms – not a square inch of floor was visible beneath the mass of pale, squirming flesh. The basement seemed to heave and pulse with their motion, like Serenity was standing inside the living organs of some horrible creature. As she descended, they chittered at her angrily. It wasn't often she was grateful for her poison body, but seeing how it was standing between her and being swarmed by these filthy things, she could imagine how her fate could have been worse.
Unfortunately, she didn't have to.
In the middle of the basement floor, a small lump lay unmoving. Serenity walked up to it, wishing her senses had been less well trained so she could convince herself she'd seen wrongly.
Master, she sent.
Kiritsugu's mental voice was tense. I see it. I assumed Matou Sakura was sent away for the War, just as Tohsaka Rin was.
It looked like the Matou were a bit more relaxed about leaving their daughter in a war zone than the Tohsaka were. And, apparently, more relaxed about dropping her into a pit of worms for the night.
They're inside her, Serenity thought, privately this time. Why isn't she screaming?
The answer was far too obvious, and came to Serenity with a depressing certainty. After all, the Order made Serenity's body into poison. Why hadn't she screamed?
Because she knew no other way. Because this was the life she had been given. Because she was a tool for others to use, and tools didn't scream.
Serenity wasn't so unprofessional as to react where anyone could see. But if she could, she'd have clenched a fist.
"You'll have to forgive the mess," came a voice from behind her.
Serenity was against the opposite wall in an instant, knives out and ready.
An old man, tiny, stooped and bald, stood in the basement. Serenity hadn't felt him approach. At all.
That was, as far as she was aware, impossible.
"Oh, such energy," cackled the man. "Stop rushing around so, Assassin, you'll make me feel even older than I already am."
A man in the Matou house, who knew of Servants – a magus. A Matou magus – a likely Master. A likely Master – an enemy.
The knife was halfway towards the old man before the chain of logic finished itself in Serenity's mine. The knife blew clean through his head, and clattered away into the darkness. Where it had passed was a hole – the edges wriggling and reforming as the worms that made it died from poison.
The old man seemed not to notice.
"I would have cleaned up, if I'd known I'd be receiving visitors. That's what you get for being rude enough to drop in unannounced, I suppose. You can hardly blame my granddaughter and I for not being as hospitable as we might otherwise be." He poked the worm-filled lump in front of him with his cane, prompting a series of twitches as the things reacted. "As you can see, she's hardly dressed in her Sunday best." There was a series of wet cackles. "Let me greet you, in any case. I am Matou Zouken. I'd bid you welcome, but I can see you've already made yourself quite at home. Such a lot of poison you've left around the place, dear me…"
Serenity was… concerned. She'd been seen. The whole War up to now, no-one had seen her. Lancer had somehow known she was there, but even they hadn't managed to creep up on her physical form. No-one should have been able to do that. It was like this Matou Zouken had appeared out of thin air. Well, foetid, rancid air, at any rate.
"Nothing to say?" said Zouken. "Youngsters. No manners, any of you. Well, straight to business it is. I am obviously just a weak and feeble old man," he sniggered, "and can't threaten you to do anything, but please leave my house, Servant Assassin. Neither I nor my granddaughter are the Matou Master, and are no threat to you. You are, in fact, interrupting her magecraft lesson."
Serenity looked at the tiny naked girl, staring blankly up at the ceiling. She looked back at Matou Zouken.
"She's not a particularly attentive student," said Zouken.
This was honestly a new situation for Serenity. She didn't have any knowledge of magecraft or magi. Fortunately, she was part of a team.
Master?
Matou Zouken… according to the Einzbern records, formerly Makiri Zolgen, founder of the Matou family and head of its magecraft. Absorption, the act of binding onto oneself… so all these insect familiars are part of his body?
Ah. That explained it. Zouken hadn't snuck up on Serenity – he was already there. His presence was all around her from the start, so all he needed to do was form a body to speak with.
In future, if Serenity came across an enormous pile of unholy worms, she was just going to kill them all immediately and have done with it.
Orders, Master?
Kill Zouken, if you can.
… and Sakura?
There was a long pause. If Serenity knew her Master – and by now, she thought she might be getting an idea – he'd be torn right now.
On the one hand, he'd be thinking of the reasons why letting this little girl die was the pragmatic thing to do. It would free Serenity to annihilate every living thing in this basement, for one thing. Unless Zouken was a lot hardier than he looked, there would be no more witnesses to describe Serenity and her abilities. It would end the Matou line, a very positive result as far as the Einzberns were concerned.
The other part of Kiritsugu's mind would be thinking about Illya. About Maiya, and about all the other little girls in the world he would have saved if he could.
But he'd spent so long sacrificing in the name of ideals that it was almost more habit than pragmatism. Would he recognise it, if he found a person to save that didn't need him to kill in exchange?
Kiritsugu would want to tell her to save Sakura, but couldn't let himself. Once again, her Master would break his own heart to eliminate the slightest possibility of risk. How much more could he take?
Not much, in Serenity's opinion.
So she'd make this easier for him.
A flurry of knives exploded from Serenity's hands. Zouken laughed as they ripped into his body, but Serenity had only meant to distract. One hand dipped into her bag, the other prepared yet another blade.
In a flash, Serenity knelt at Sakura's side. The girl was covered in worms, writhing in a frenzy to get away from her poison body. Serenity's hand moved like a sewing needle, and every worm left on Sakura burst like overripe fruit.
Assassin! came the too-late call in her mind. Serenity ignored it.
Zouken was quickly dissolving into a pile of insects – not just worms this time, but more of those wasp-like creatures that had accompanied Matou Kariya. Better make this quick.
Serenity's other hand closed round Sakura's wrist. Even under these circumstances, Serenity felt her heart leap at the contact, her first in who knew how long. Sakura blinked, and looked at Serenity as if seeing her for the first time.
What she didn't do was die in screaming agony.
Among all the useful tools of this age, Serenity thought she might like latex gloves the best.
"Hold your breath," she said.
With a yank, Serenity threw Sakura up the stairs, and winced at the sound. She wouldn't be comfortable, but it was better than staying in here… especially with what Serenity was about to do to the place.
Assassin… fine. If you're to do this, do it right. I trust your judgement, said Kiritsugu.
Thank you, Master. I promise, it is for the best.
Hrm. I'll want an explanation later. For now, finish up and return. Make sure you finish off Zouken.
Of course, Master.
One last item came out of Serenity's bag – a metal cylinder, about a foot long. It would probably be very familiar to any Japanese housewife, especially ones who had problems with pests.
Admittedly, most brands of bug spray weren't really up to dealing with horrifying magical murderbeasts. Then again, this bottle of bug spray wasn't really bug spray at all. It would do the job just fine, though, whether its target was a cockroach, a worm monster or a herd of elephants.
Serenity started spraying, and Delusional Poison Body filled the air.
In seconds, there was nothing living in sight. A pile of clothes and a stick marked where Matou Zouken had been.
Sakura, sitting on the top step, watched the whole thing with puffed out cheeks, apparently having taken Serenity's warning seriously. She jumped when Serenity appeared behind her, and her breath came out in a huff. She stood, and Serenity reached over her to shut the basement door.
"Grandfather will be angry," Sakura said. She didn't sound scared so much as resigned to the fact.
"Will that not kill him?" Serenity asked.
Sakura's only answer was a dully incredulous look, as though she couldn't believe Serenity had asked something so stupid.
Master? Serenity sent.
It shouldn't be a problem for us. Don't worry about it.
Okay then.
"Your name is Matou Sakura, correct?" she said out loud.
Sakura nodded, slowly.
"Hello. I am Servant Assassin. Please try not to touch me, or you'll die."
Another nod. Sakura didn't seem particularly nervous about any of this. Either she was an impressively unruffled kind of kid, or – and Serenity had a feeling this was more likely – she'd simply learned that reacting to every horrible thing that happened around her got her nowhere.
"We're going to leave this place," Serenity said out loud. "Is there anything you want to take with you?"
Sakura tilted her head, and thought about it. After a while, she shook her head.
"Okay," Serenity said. "Come, then."
Sakura wandered in the direction of the front door, and Serenity went after her, opening the doors as they went and carefully closing them after. Together – not touching each other, barely looking at each other, but together – the two left the house.
Well. Serenity had done a lot of things in her time, but being a childminder was a new one.
Sola-Ui wondered if she was supposed to do something.
One minute, Matou Kariya had looked fine – well, no. That was a lie. One minute Matou Kariya looked two steps from death, but still upright and holding a conversation, the next he collapsed and started coughing fit to bring his lungs up.
Maybe Saber knew the proper etiquette for this.
With one final wracking heave, a huge, fat worm, the size of a banana but way more disgusting, slithered out of Matou's mouth. It flopped around on the carpet – that was more cleaning they'd need to do, thought Sola-Ui glumly – before splitting and revealing thousands of tiny maggots inside. As she watched, they reformed themselves into the shape of an old man, only a couple of inches tall.
The tiny man marched up to Matou, still choking on the floor, and prodded him roughly.
"Get up, fool," it said. "I have some news you will want to hear…"
