Eight Years Ago

"Michael, take the alley to your right, John, take the one halfway up the block to the left, ladies you are perfect as usual."

Since they were approaching their target they couldn't outwardly laugh, and since they were in Marrakesh she didn't have as many cameras as she would've liked so she couldn't see their reactions, but truthfully she didn't need any. Vivienne would have grinned and either played it off by looking at something else or making it seem like she'd thought of something amusing, much like John though his smile would've been a lot smaller. It was a toss up whether Michael would have actually cracked one but she'd made him break his grumpy exterior enough that she knew the quick smirk he might have made, and liked to think he had. The man needed to smile more. So did Nysa who of course wouldn't have reacted at all, maybe a slight warming of her eyes but even that wouldn't last long, but once she got back she would give her a look or a gesture to let her know how much she appreciated her.

It was a comfort to Tess that even when she wasn't in the field with them she knew their responses, partly because she'd missed knowing people so intimately, and being known back, but also because it helped her do her job. Because when their target, a rogue Iranian operative realized he was being corralled and started trying to find a way out it meant she could anticipate their movements before they made them. And offer guidance to make their capture easier. But as she skilled as she was, and as fast as they were, there was still only so much they could do.

Nysa was the first to reach him and though she caught some attention as she shoulder checked him into an alley most of the locals knew to keep to their own business, as proven when any open shutters quickly snapped shut. And since Michael quickly blocked the other end the only witnesses when they brought him in would be the rats scrounging for scraps. She was smirking herself when she started up the van they'd load him into, especially when she saw from the camera on her shirt button that he'd chosen the Israeli to try and push past but her victorious feeling faded fast when her friend cried out after she got him down. At first she thought he'd had a hidden knife but that theory went out the window when she grabbed his face and when he started convulsing she understood.

He wasn't going to allow himself to be taken.

And when he started foaming at the mouth, his eyes bulging as Nysa and Michael crouched beside him, unable to stop his passing but unwilling to let him go alone she realized he had chosen the absolute worst way to go. In her opinion anyway, there were a lot of horrible ways to die, ranging from slow and agonizing to fast and bloody, but fast and agonizing… Cyanide was a brutal bitch. She knew well, had done a course on poisons at The Farm, plus Nysa was always adding to, and testing, her knowledge. And… it really wasn't that uncommon. She'd thought it had been a joke when Pearson gave her a little pill case on her first day, a twisted one but still a joke, but it turned out the agency gave everyone one before their first mission. A way to drive home the seriousness of what they did. And who they should owe their loyalty to. And even though she'd decided well before joining them that they didn't have hers…

There was a ring in her backpack she'd never been able to take out.

Six years later and Tess still didn't know how she felt about that. It wasn't as though it was an action limited to the CIA, every branch of the military had some sort of code about not being taken and every individual had their own choice to make. She would never judge anyone for what they chose, might wonder but she understood that was their call, but when it came to herself

Tess knew she had made a promise to always keep fighting, and she intended to keep it, but if that wasn't an option, or if she'd exhausted it, if the only outcome left to her was death or those things that were worse… Her gaze drifted to where her fingers had wrapped around her necklace and she had to force them to release the pendant so she could bring her team to safety but her thoughts didn't stray far. Not that night, or the next, or the several after that. And though she couldn't be sure, never would be until and unless that time came, more and more Tess respected the choice that man had made. Not in that moment, whatever he'd thought they were going to do he'd been wrong, but while that did make her more inclined to hesitate, in its essence… She hoped she never had to, but she did understand why he'd done it. If her death was coming she would rather face it head on too. Make her end her own, the way her life had been.

And hopefully whoever she left behind forgave her for it.


She needed to get out of her head.

She needed to get home.

She needed Jay.

If she'd flown back to Chicago from Langley she could've gotten there faster, would've already been there by now and definitely would have gotten there when he was awake. But due to flight schedules she'd been forced to drive a few times now and she'd found she liked it. Not all the time, most often she just wanted to get back to his apartment and collapse in his bed, preferably into him, but sometimes when her head was full she appreciated the extra time to help clear it. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to him about what was filling it, maybe a little hesitant, especially for this topic but she knew she would, she always did, it just…

It was hard to bring her baggage home. To watch him and Mouse and Lydia all take it on as their own, even though she knew how adamant she was about doing the same for them. Sometimes it got easier with time, sometimes it seemed like it was getting harder.

But right now Tess didn't want to think about any of that. All she cared about was getting home as fast as possible so she could snuggle up next to Jay so she put her foot on the gas, cranked the volume and got back to singing along to Celine Dion. Her and Shania Twain were always good on road trips. Especially the formers 'I Drove All Night'. She was still humming it when she finally parked outside his and Greg's apartment, only momentarily stunned when she slipped inside and found Mouse rummaging through the fridge. It was three in the morning after all but then much like her the hacker was a bit of an insomniac, and also shared her massive sugar addiction.

"Long night or early morning?"

"I drove all niiighhtt." She whisper-sang, returning his grin as he put his cereal down before they grabbed each other in a tight hug.

"You all good?"

Yeah.

She was now.

With two pecks on their cheeks and a quick stolen bite of his Lucky Charms she followed him down the hall and slipped into Jay's room, immediately taking a moment to gaze at her slumbering boyfriend. Fuck he was handsome. He also had a great habit of sleeping with his shirt off which quickly made her decide her plans of snuggling could wait- she had a better way to welcome herself home.

Of course he started shifting as soon as she started crawling onto the bed, he was an easy sleeper but a light one, his hands wrapping around her hips before his eyes even opened. And the sleepy smile that tugged at his lips when he saw her?

Well that tugged right at her heart strings, like there was a direct line between them.

"I drove all niiighhtt, to get to you. Crept in your room, woke you from your sleep, to make love to yoouuuu. Is that alright?"

He just grinned and kissed her, sighing into her mouth as his hands dove into her hair, though they didn't stay there long. She let him slide her jacket and top off but then distracted him with a deep kiss before she started making her way down his chest, enjoying his low groan as she cupped him through his sweats before her own answering throb had her hastily pulling them off. Her own followed but when Jay tried to sit up she quickly pushed him back down, trading her hand for her mouth, an exchange he appreciated based on his quiet curse. There was something about the way he touched her, fingers trailing along her shoulders and twining in her hair that told her he wasn't entirely awake, that he thought this was a dream. At least until she started rubbing one of her own fingers in that spot just beneath his balls that made his hips buck up, his next, much louder curse making it clear he was now awake. Still in a daze though, which Tess enjoyed since he so rarely let her have full control.

But she'd teach him to enjoy it.

He sure seemed pleased when he finally came, his heaving chest the opposite of his slow headshake, his bewildered look turning to one of appreciation as she at last sank onto him. Fuck he felt good. Like home. She'd already known that she was his but the way his arms wrapped around her was a nice reminder, as were his muttered proclamations of love. He definitely still thought he was dreaming but that was okay. How many times had she had this dream? How many times had she longed to wake and find out it was true?

And now she got to give that to him.

It didn't take long, he was already overstimulated and she'd been aching for this for weeks, months really, since the last time he had been inside her. So when she felt him start to swell she picked up the pace of her rocking hips, gasping into his mouth when his hand slipped between them to rub her clit and then they were both gone. The world came back slowly, first with the smell of moss and chocolate and then the feel of his hands running up and down her back as he pulled her closer.

"I usually wake up before that part." Jay mumbled, burying his head in her hair for a moment before his fingers found her chin and tilted her own up, his eyes flaring when they met hers. "You really here?"

"I drove all night."

He just laughed, kissing her softly but deeply until he started reaching for the blanket and she finally got her snuggles, unable to remember why she'd needed them so badly in the first place.